Why Change Is So Scary — and How to Unlock Its Potential | Maya Shankar | TED

譯者: 麗玲 辛 審譯者: Yanyan Hong

When I was a kid,

小時候，

the violin was the center of my life.

小提琴是我的生活重心。

I'd run home from the bus stop after school and practice for hours.

放學後，我會從公車站跑回家， 練琴好幾個小時。

Every Saturday, my mom and I would wake up at four in the morning

每個星期六，我和媽媽 清晨四點起床，搭火車去紐約，

to catch a train to New York so I could study at Juliard.

以便在茱莉亞學院學琴。

Here's a throwback to eight-year-old me performing the violin.

這是我八歲拉小提琴的回顧。

Some questionable fashion choices from young Maya here,

我以前服裝的選擇令人不解，

not going to lie.

老實說。

But anyway, when I was a teenager, my musical idol, Itzhak Perlman,

不管怎樣，十幾歲時，

我的音樂偶像伊扎克·珀爾曼（Itzhak Perlman） 邀請我成為他的家教學生。

invited me to be his private student.

And my big dream of becoming a concert violinist felt within reach.

成為音樂會小提琴家的 偉大夢想，指日可待。

But then one morning when I was 15,

然而，就在十五歲的某個早晨，

I was practicing this tricky technical passage.

我在練習一個技巧複雜的 樂段時出了問題。

I struggled to get it right,

我費了好大勁想把這段拉好，

and I overextended my finger on a single note.

但在某個音符，我過度拉伸手指，

I heard a popping sound.

我聽到啪的一聲。

I’d permanently damaged the tendons in my hand,

我手上的肌腱永久受損，

and my dream was over.

我的夢想因而破滅。

I share this story

我分享這個故事，

because unexpected change happens to all of us.

因為我們每個人 都會遇上意想不到的變化。

An accident or an illness,

一場事故或一場疾病，

a relationship that suddenly ends.

一段關係突然結束。

Today, I'm not a violinist, but I'm a cognitive scientist.

現在，我不再是小提琴家， 而是認知科學家。

And I'm interested in how we respond to exactly this kind of change.

我特別關注 人們如何應對這樣的遽變。

I spent the past two decades studying the science of human behavior.

過去二十年， 我一直在研究人類行為科學。

And today I host a podcast called "A Slight Change of Plans" --

現在，我主持一個播客節目， 叫「計劃的小變化」。

(Audience cheers)

（觀眾歡呼聲）

glad you guys like it --

很高興你們喜歡。

where I interview people from all over the world

在這個節目中，我訪問 來自世界各地的人們，

about their life-altering experiences.

講述他們生活改變的經歷。

I started this podcast because change is scary for a lot of us, am I right?

我開始做這個播客是因為 對多數人來說，改變很可怕，對吧？

For one, it is filled with uncertainty,

首先，改變充滿了未知數，

and we hate uncertainty.

人們不喜歡未知數。

Research shows that we're more stressed

研究顯示，當我們被告知

when we're told we have a 50 percent chance of getting an electric shock

有 50% 的機會被電到，

than when we're told we have a 100 percent chance.

比起知道有 100% 的機會， 我們還更焦慮。

It's wild, right?

這太誇張了，對吧？

I mean, we'd rather be sure that a bad thing is going to happen

我們寧願確定會發生壞事，

than to have to deal with any uncertainty.

也不願面對任何不確定的事。

Change is also scary because it involves loss of some kind.

變化讓人害怕，也因為 可能會有某種程度的損失。

By definition, we're departing from an old way of being

根據定義，我們會脫離舊有生活方式，

and entering a new one.

進入新的生活方式。

And when we experience a change

當我們經歷

非自願的變化時，

that we wouldn't have chosen for ourselves,

it's easy to feel that our lives are contracting,

很容易覺得生活限縮，

that were more limited than before.

比以前更加受限。

But when we take this perspective,

但是，當我們這樣看待變化，

we fail to account for an important fact.

我們會忽略一個重要的事實。

That when an unexpected change happens to us,

那就是，當我們經歷意外的變化，

it can also inspire lasting change within us.

這也可能激發我們內在的持久改變。

We become different people on the other side of change.

在變化的另一頭，我們成為不同的人。

What we're capable of, what we value and how we define ourselves,

我們的能力、價值觀， 以及自我的定義，

these things can all shift.

這些事物都可能發生轉變。

And if we can learn to pay close attention to these internal shifts,

如果我們知道 去關注這些內在的轉變，

we may just find that rather than limiting us,

我們可能會發現， 變化不僅不會限制我們，

change can actually expand us.

反而會拓展我們。

Alright, today I'm going to share with you three questions you can ask yourself

今天我將與大家分享三個問題，

the next time life throws you that dreaded curveball.

下次，生活向你拋出可怕的曲球時， 你可以問問自己這些問題。

In the moment, I know it's so easy to focus on what you've lost.

我知道，在這些時刻， 很容易聚焦在你失去的東西上。

And so I'm really hoping that you can use these questions as tools

因此，我真的希望 你能將這些問題當作工具，

to discover all that you might gain.

去發掘你可能得到的收穫。

Alright, let’s start with question number one.

讓我們從第一個問題開始。

This is inspired by a conversation I had on my podcast

這個問題靈感來自我在播客節目

with a woman named Christine Ha,

與一位女性名叫克莉絲汀·夏 （Christine Ha）的對話，

and it's about our capabilities.

這問題探討我們的能力。

Christine was 24 when a rare autoimmune disease left her permanently blind.

克莉絲汀 24 歲時，一種罕見的 自身免疫性疾病導致她永久失明。

At the time, she was learning to cook the Vietnamese dishes

當時，她正在學習烹飪 她小時候很喜愛的越南菜。

that she had loved in childhood.

But now cooking even simple meals was tough.

結果，連準備簡單的餐食都很難。

She told me that her frustration peaked one day

她告訴我，她最沮喪的時刻是

when she was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

某天做花生醬果凍三明治。

She struggled to align the two slices of bread

她努力要將兩片麵包對齊，

and sticky jelly dripped all over her hands and onto the counter.

但黏糊糊的果醬沾滿了手和檯面。

She threw the sandwich into the trash,

她後來把三明治扔進垃圾桶，

and she felt really defeated by the limited future

對她能想像的有限未來 感到非常沮喪。

that she imagined for herself.

Since Christine lived alone though,

不過，克莉絲汀自己一個人住，

she had no choice but to keep at it.

她別無選擇，只能堅持下去。

She remembers her delight when she successfully cut an orange

她記得自己第一次 成功切好柳丁的喜悅，

for the first time

and when she scrambled an egg without burning it.

以及煎蛋沒燒焦的成就感。

As she spent more hours in the kitchen,

隨著在廚房待的時間越來越多，

she realized that cooking was far more multi-sensory than she had thought.

她意識到烹飪比她想像的更多元感官。

While she couldn't see if the garlic had browned,

雖然她無法看見大蒜是否變成金黃色，

she could rely on the smell and the sizzling sounds in the pan.

但她可以仰賴氣味 和平底鍋裡發出的滋滋聲。

But Christine also realized something bigger.

克莉絲汀也意識到更重要的是，

Something new was emerging within her.

她內心長出一些新力量。

At the start of her vision loss she had cooked just to get by.

在視力喪失之初，做飯只是為了度日。

I mean, it was really just a practical thing.

這的確只是實用的功能。

But now she was thrilled by the challenge of it all.

但現在，她對所有的挑戰感到興奮。

She tackled harder and harder recipes over the years

多年來，她挑戰越來越難的食譜，

and eventually became the first-ever blind contestant

最終成為電視節目 「廚神」中首位失明選手。

on the TV show "Master Chef."

And guess what?

猜猜怎麼著？

She won the entire damn thing.

她贏得了整季比賽。

(Laughs)

（笑聲）

Christine's a rock star.

克莉絲汀是搖滾明星。

She's an amazing, amazing person.

她是極其了不起的人。

This brings us to the first question that you can ask yourself

這帶出了第一個問題，

the next time you face something unexpected.

面對意想不到的事情時， 你可以問自己：

"How might this change change what you're capable of?"

「這個改變會怎麼改變你的能力？」

When we predict how we'll respond to any given change,

當我們預想自己如何因應某個改變時，

we tend to imagine what our present-day selves will be like in that new situation.

我們往往想像現在的自己 在新的情況下將會是什麼面貌。

Research by the psychologist Dan Gilbert shows that we greatly underestimate

心理學家丹·吉爾伯特 （Dan Gilbert）的研究顯示，

我們大大低估了 自己未來能達成的改變，

how much we'll change in the future,

even though we fully acknowledge we've changed considerably in the past.

就算完全認同自己一路走來 已經有相當的變化，

Our psychology continually tricks us into believing

我們的心理還是不斷欺騙自己，

that who we are, right now, in this very moment,

使我們以為現在、此時此刻的 這個人是不會改變的。

is the person that's here to stay.

But the person meeting the challenges after an unexpected change

但是，在經歷了意想不到的變化後，

will be different.

應對挑戰的人將會改變。

You will be different.

你會有所不同。

Today, Christine is a world-renowned chef.

如今，克莉絲汀是 一位世界知名的廚師。

She goes by the nickname The Blind Cook,

她的綽號是「盲廚」，

and she owns three restaurants in Texas.

她在德州擁有三家餐館。

And importantly,

重要的是，

she's really curious about what else she can achieve without vision.

她真的很好奇，沒有了視力， 她還能實現什麼目標。

These days, you can find her snowboarding and rock climbing

最近，你會看到她週末去滑雪、攀岩。

on the weekends.

Christine shared with me something

克莉絲汀跟我分享了 她之前無法想像的一些想法。

that she could never have imagined thinking before all this.

That if given the choice today,

如果今天給她選擇，

she would choose not to have her vision restored.

她會選擇不恢復視力。

Though she did tell me she'd like it back for a moment

不過她告訴我， 她希望暫時恢復一下視力，

because she really wants to know what Justin Bieber looks like.

因為她真的想知道 小賈斯汀長什麼樣子。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Alright, let's move on to the second question.

好的，讓我們繼續談第二個問題。

This one is about our values,

這關乎我們的價值觀，

and it's inspired by a conversation I had

它的靈感來自於我與一名科學記者， 弗洛倫斯·威廉姆斯（Florence Williams）的對話。

with a science journalist named Florence Williams.

One evening about five years ago,

大概五年前的某個晚上，

Florence and her husband were hosting a dinner party for their friends.

弗洛倫斯和她先生 為朋友舉辦一個晚宴。

As she was preparing the salad, her husband handed her his phone

她正在準備沙拉， 先生遞給她他的手機，

so that she could read an email from a relative.

讓她讀一封親戚寄來的郵件。

But he'd mistakenly pulled up the wrong email.

不過，他誤開了另一封郵件。

What Florence saw instead

弗洛倫斯看到的是一封長信，

was a lengthy note from her husband,

她的丈夫寫給另一個女人表白愛意。

confessing his love to another woman.

I know.

沒錯，

Florence’s 25-year marriage came to an end,

弗洛倫斯的 25 年婚姻結束了，

and she told me that she was taken aback

她告訴我，她很訝異 自己情傷的身心痛苦如此強烈。

by the physical and emotional intensity of her heartbreak.

She said it felt like she'd been plugged into a faulty electrical socket.

她說，感覺就像自己插在 一個故障的電源插座上。

Since Florence is a problem solver by nature,

由於弗洛倫斯天性想解決問題，

she instinctively saw her heartbreak as a problem to solve

她本能地將自己的心碎 視為一個需要解決的問題，

and develop a year-long, systematic plan to try and fix it.

因而制定長達一年條理分明的計劃， 試著解決這問題。

Florence tried a bunch of things.

弗洛倫斯嘗試了很多事情。

She took solo trips into the wilderness,

她獨自去荒野旅行，

she tried a range of experimental therapies,

體驗了許多實驗療法，

She even went to the Museum of Broken Relationships,

她甚至還去了失戀博物館，

which I promise is the thing.

我保證，真有這個地方。

You name it, she tried it.

你能想到的，她都試過了。

But by the end of the year,

但是到了年底，

none of these remedies had healed her broken heart.

這些方法都沒有治癒她破碎的心。

And so Florence had no choice

因此，弗洛倫斯別無選擇，

but to entertain a new philosophy altogether.

只能接受一套全新的哲學。

Maybe a broken heart was not a problem to solve.

也許，一顆破碎的心 並不是個需要解決的問題。

And maybe closure wasn't the answer.

也許解脫並不是答案。

Research by the psychologist Dacher Keltner shows

心理學家達查·凱爾特納 （Dacher Keltner）的研究顯示，

that when we reduce our need for what's called cognitive closure,

當我們降低對所謂認知閉合的需求

the desire to arrive at clear and definitive answers,

（即獲得清晰明確答案的渴望），

our capacity to feel joy and beauty expands.

我們感受喜悅和美的能力就會擴大。

Florence told me that when she freed herself from this goal-oriented mindset,

弗洛倫斯告訴我， 當她擺脫以目標為導向的心態，

a mindset, by the way, that she had valued

順便一提，到那時為止，

for so much of her life up until this point,

她大半生都珍視這種心態，

she began to find unexpected delight in the unknown.

她開始在未知中找尋意想不到的快樂。

This leads us to the second question you can ask yourself

這引出了第二個問題，

下次遇到出乎意料的事情時， 你可以問自己。

the next time you face something unexpected.

How might this change change what you value?

這一變化會如何改變你的價值觀？

The unexpected implosion of Florence's marriage

弗洛倫斯的婚姻意外地崩解，

has permanently shifted the way that she sees her life.

從而永遠改變了她看待生活的方式。

From a puzzle in need of solutions

從需要解決的難題

to a more serendipitous path of discovery.

轉為偶然的發現之旅。

Now, when Florence goes hiking,

現在，弗洛倫斯去徒步旅行時，

she's just as likely to sit still, feeling the breeze,

她可能試圖登頂， 也可能坐下來，靜靜感受微風。

as she is to try and make the summit.

She no longer makes five-year plans.

她不再做五年計劃。

And she's comfortable not knowing all the answers around her heartbreak.

即使得不到有關她情傷的 所有答案，她也覺得自在。

By the way, I was texting with Florence the other day,

順便一提，前幾天 我跟弗洛倫斯傳簡訊，

她正在談戀愛，非常幸福。

and she's currently in a very happy relationship.

If her ex-husband is listening to this, I just want him to know

如果她前夫在聽的話， 我只是想讓他知道，

she's doing great, buddy.

她過得很好，老兄。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Alright, now on to question number three.

好的，現在來談第三個問題。

This one is about how we define ourselves.

這個問題涉及我們如何定義自己。

It's about our self-identities.

這與自我認同有關。

And it comes from my personal story of change with the violin.

它來自於我與小提琴的個人故事。

When my injury took the violin away from me,

當我的傷勢奪走了小提琴，

I found myself grieving not just the loss of the instrument,

我發現自己不僅哀悼失去小提琴，

but also the loss of myself.

也哀悼失去自我。

For so long, the violin had defined me,

長期以來，小提琴定義了我這個人，

that without it, I wasn't sure who I was or who I could be.

失去小提琴，我不確定 我的身份、未來的發展。

I felt stuck.

我感覺被困住了。

I'd later learned that this phenomenon is known as identity paralysis.

後來我發現， 這種現象稱為身份癱瘓。

It happens to a lot of us when we face the unexpected.

當面臨意想不到的事情， 我們常有這種現象。

Who we think we are and what we're about is suddenly called into question.

我們的自我認同以及目標 會突然受到質疑。

But I since realized that there was something different,

但我後來意識到， 還有某些不同但更穩定的東西，

something more stable that I could have anchored my identity to.

我可以用來作為身份認同的錨定點。

And this brings us to that third and final question.

這帶我們來到第三個、 也是最後一個問題。

How might this change change how you define yourself?

這個問題是：這個改變 會如何改變你的自我定義？

When I re-examine my relationship with the violin,

當我重新檢視我與小提琴的關係時，

I discovered that what I really missed wasn't the instrument itself,

我發現我真正懷念的不是樂器本身，

but the fact that music had given me a vehicle

而是透過音樂，與他人的情感交流。

for connecting emotionally with others.

I remember as a little kid playing for people

我記得小時候為人們演奏音樂，

and feeling kind of awestruck

我總感到驚歎， 我們可以共享新感受。

that we might all feel something new together.

What this means for me today

這對今天的我來說，這意味著

is that I no longer anchor my identity to specific pursuits

我不再將自己的身份 錨定於特定的追求，

like being a violinist or a cognitive scientist

例如成為小提琴家、 認知科學家或播客。

or a podcaster.

Instead, I anchor my identity to what lights me up about those pursuits,

相反，我將自己的身份定位在

那些真正激勵我追尋的事物。

what really energizes me.

And for me, it's a love of human connection and understanding.

對我來說，那就是 對人類情感交流的愛與理解。

I now define myself not by what I do,

我現在定義自己的標準 不是我做了什麼，

but why I do it.

而是我為什麼做這些事。

Look, unexpected change comes for us all, whether we like it or not.

看，每個人都有意外的變化， 管你喜不喜歡。

And when it does, it can really suck.

當變化來到，可能讓人覺得很糟糕。

But I'm hoping that if we can stay open to how we might internally change,

但我希望，我們能保持開放心態， 看到自己內在如何變化，

how we might expand,

自我如何拓展，

it can help us weather the storm.

這樣就能幫助我們度過難關。

Life recently threw me a new slight change of plans.

最近，我的生活有個 計劃的小變化。

I've always wanted to be a mom,

我一直想成為一名母親，

but becoming one has been difficult

但過程很困難，

and my husband and I have had to navigate pregnancy losses

多年來，我和先生得一再面對懷孕流產

and other heartbreaks over the years.

和其他令人心碎的狀況。

And now I'm not sure what will happen.

我不確定未來會怎樣，

But I'm using these three questions to help me during this tough time.

但在這段艱難時期， 我就用這三個問題幫助自己。

I'm asking myself how this unexpected challenge

我問自己這個意外的挑戰

might change what I'm capable of,

會如何改變我的能力、

what I value, and how I define myself.

我的價值觀以及我如何定義自己。

I'm still figuring things out.

我仍在摸索。

But what I can tell you right now

但我可以告訴你的是，

is that I'm imagining a future me

我正想像一個未來的我，

who is expanding her definition of what it means to parent.

拓展我對親職的定義，

Who's perhaps finding what she craved from motherhood in other places.

也許找到其他地方 安放對母親角色的渴望。

At a minimum,

至少，

this exploration has allowed me

這次的探索讓我能夠

to loosen my grip on the identity of Mom just a bit.

稍微放掉對於母親這個身份的渴求，

And I found it freeing.

我發現這令人自由。

I'm beginning to see change with more possibility.

我開始看到變化充滿更多可能性。

And I'm hoping you can, too.

我希望你也可以。

Thank you so much.

非常感謝大家。

(Applause)

（掌聲）