Is Someone You Love Suffering in Silence? Here's What To Do | Gus Worland | TED

翻译人员: Haoqi QIN 校对人员: psjmz mz

I want to talk about my mentor.

我想讲讲我的导师

I want to talk about the day

我想讲讲那天

that I got a phone call saying that he had died.

我接到了电话，说他去世了

And I want to talk about the moments later in the same phone call

那通电话后来讲到

that I'd heard that he'd actually taken his own life.

他实际上是自杀的

And I'm saying this because I want you to listen

我说这些是因为我希望各位能够

and also think about all the people that you love and adore

在听我的演讲时去聆听

and you cannot imagine living without in your life

并且想想那些你深爱和崇拜的人

as you're listening to me talk.

那些你无法想象失去他们的人

My friend, my mentor, my father figure, Angus.

安格斯是我的朋友、导师、像父亲一样的人

I truly loved him.

我真的很爱他

My father had left the family home when I was quite young,

我的亲生父亲在我小的时候就抛弃了家庭

and he took on the mantle to look after me.

是安格斯担负起了照顾我的责任

I'd known him from a very young age,

我在很小的时候与他相识

he taught me how to swim.

他教会我游泳

He was my cousin's boyfriend then my cousin's husband,

他成为了我表姐的男朋友 后来成了我表姐夫

and he was just my go-to guy.

我遇到任何问题后第一个去求助的人就是他

When I was starting to date girls and I wasn’t sure what to do,

当我想和女孩子约会但不知道怎么做的时候

I'd ring him up and I'd ask him, "Mate, what do you think?

我就会打电话问他：“老哥你怎么想？

What's going on?

这事儿怎么说？

How should I perhaps do this?"

我该怎么做啊？”

When I ended up working for him years and years later

好多好多年后，我成为了他的下属

in a big multi-corporate,

在同一家大公司工作

I'd always go to him for workarounds, "How can I get this deal done?"

我还是会经常找他问工作建议 “我要怎么干这件事？”

He always seem to be that guy that I could turn to,

他就像是我坚实的后盾

and he would always give me the right answer.

而且他永远会给我正确答案

Not only me, I remember walking around the corner at work one day

而且不只是我 我记得有一天在公司的一角看到

and there's always someone in his office.

他的办公室里总是有人在

There was always someone waiting for him,

永远都有人在等着向他求助

if you rang him up, he was always on the phone, he'd ring you back.

如果你给他打电话，他总是在线，也总会回电

He always seemed to be that guy that had people going to him,

所有人都会走向他

asking for help,

向他求助

asking for favors, asking for support.

需要他帮忙和支援

He was good-looking.

他长得很帅

Beautiful wife, my cousin.

我的表姐，也就是他的妻子，很漂亮

Three beautiful children.

有三个可爱的孩子

Why would someone like that take their own life?

像这样的人为什么会自杀呢？

Why would they?

他们为什么会？

Makes no sense to me.

我不理解

And at the funeral,

在葬礼上

and talking to people after the funeral,

和参加葬礼的人聊天的时候

just the frustration,

大家都很沮丧

"Did you know?" "Did you know?"

“你知道为什么吗？”“你知道吗？”

"Did anyone know?" "Did you get a clue?"

“有任何人知道为什么吗？” “你有任何头绪吗？”

And of course everyone's saying, "No, I didn't have a clue.

当然了，所有人都在说： “不，我没有任何头绪

In fact, he was just like you're saying, he was my go-to guy."

他就像你说的，是我们遇事第一个求助的人”

He seemed to tick all the boxes.

他就像个完美先生

He seemed to just know what to say at the right time,

他好像就是知道在什么时候该说什么话

and he seemed to be able to work his way,

而且他看上去就是知道要如何解决问题

both personally and with work, to get life done.

不论私事还是公事，他都能让生活顺遂

And he was successful.

而且他很成功

I told that story on a breakfast show that I was on

我在自己的晨间秀上讲了这个故事

called "The Grill Team" in Sydney, Australia.

那是澳大利亚悉尼的的一档节目，叫 “The Grill Team（烧烤团队）”

I was on there for 11 years.

我在这个节目工作了11年

And one morning, I decided to be vulnerable.

有天早上我决定主动展露自己的脆弱之处

One morning I said, "Do you know what? I'm going to talk about my friend."

于是在一个早上，我说： “各位，我决定和观众聊聊我的朋友”

Because we were six years into that 11-year stint,

当时是我在这个节目 工作的11个年头里的第六年

and I'd never really spoken much about myself.

我基本没怎么聊过自己的事

We spoke about sport,

我们聊体育

we spoke about telling jokes.

讲笑话

We did things like ticket giveaways and concert giveaways and fun stuff.

我们会组织节目送票、音乐会送票等等 有趣的活动

We wanted to get people driving to work or listening to us having fun.

我们希望观众们在开车上班 或者收听我们的节目时收获快乐

We didn't want to sort of drag them down with personal stuff or being vulnerable.

我们不想让观众因为我们的个人情况或者 脆弱情绪而心情低落

But one morning, 4:30 in the morning,

但有天早上4:30

sitting around the production table with the producers and my cohost, I said,

我和我的搭档还有制作组围坐在一起

"I'm going to be vulnerable today.

我说：“我今天要抒发一下个人情绪

I'm going to talk about something that I haven't spoken about before,

我要讲一些之前从未提到的东西

and it's been eating away at me and I want to do it."

这些东西一直在蚕食我 我想要去表达”

And they supported me.

然后大家都支持我的做法

We've been on for a long time, we were like brothers.

我们一起工作了很久，就像家人一样

We said, "You know what?

他们说：“你知道吗？

Whatever you want to do, let's go for it."

你想做什么就去做吧！”

So 8:05 just after the eight o'clock news, the Hollywood hour in radio land,

所以那天的早八新闻之后的8:05 也就是广播界的好莱坞时段

we flicked on the mics,

我们打开了电台的麦克风

and I told the story that I just told you guys.

我讲述了刚才那个故事

It was hard.

对我来说很困难

I was getting support from my cohost,

我的搭档给了我勇气

I got the words out eventually, a bit like I am today.

我最终还是像今天这样讲出了故事

Emotional stuff, certain things trigger you.

饱含情感的故事就是会让观众有所感触

But what was truly happening behind me

但在我讲完故事之后

was all the phone lines into the radio station were flashing,

电台的电话都被打爆了

which means people were phoning in.

也就是说很多人同时在给我们打电话

Normally those lines would be for you to ring up to be part of the show,

一般来说那些热线都是想要 参与节目的观众才会接入的

to tell a joke, to win a concert ticket, to win a movie ticket.

打来讲笑话的、赢取音乐会门票、电影票的

All of a sudden, all those lines were flashing.

突然之间那些热线全被打爆了

Didn't quite realize why.

当时我们不知道原因

The producer comes in and says,

制作人走进节目间然后说

"We've got all these people that want to thank you for telling your story."

“我们接到非常多的观众电话说 感谢你讲出了这个故事”

I thought, that's nice.

我觉得挺好的

I've put myself out there,

我展示了真实的自我

It is nice to get a little bit of love like that.

然后得到了这么多爱，真的很棒

So we started putting a few calls through.

所以我们选择接通了一些热线

Not only were they telling me, "Thank you for telling that story,"

观众们不仅是在告诉我： “谢谢你分享这个故事”

more importantly,

更重要的是

it was like we'd given them a green light,

我们的这个举动像是为观众打开了一扇门

we'd given them permission to talk about the stuff

我们用行动告诉这些观众

that they wanted to talk about.

他们被允许讲述自己想要传达的事情

All of a sudden, in a safe place,

突然间出现了一个安全地带

like a radio station where they'd normally laugh their way to work,

一个大家通常上班时收听并获得快乐的电台

we'd given them a little opportunity to talk about the stuff

我们为听众提供了一个小小的机会去讲述

that's truly important to them, the stuff that they had in their bellies,

对他们来说真正重要的东西 那些埋藏在内心深处的事情

the stuff banging around in their heads

那些萦绕在脑海中的事情

that they never thought they would get a chance to talk about.

那些他们以为永远没机会述说的事情

So what we did for the next 90 minutes

所以那接下来的90分钟

was just the most beautiful radio that I've ever been involved in.

可以说是我参与节目以来最棒的时候了

We took no traffic reports, no news reports,

我们没有播报路况或者新闻报告

we played no music,

我们也没有在播音乐

we just had 90 minutes of people bumbling and fumbling

那90分钟里，源源不断的观众小心而笨拙地

and getting their way through a conversation of gravity

和我们一起在电台里

with us in the radio studio.

进行一场严肃的对话

There was moments --

有那么一些瞬间——

Thank you.

谢谢你

(Applause)

（掌声）

It was impressive that so many people went,

让我印象深刻的是，很多人打来电话说

"You know what, I'm diving in here.

“你知道吗，我决定讲出来了。

I'm talking about my stuff now because he spoke about that,"

我会把自己的故事说出来， 是因为另一个人提到了相关的话题”

all strangers listening to each other on the radio

电台里的陌生人们互相聆听对方的故事

all gave each other permission to have a chat.

所有人都在互相给予对话的许可

There was moments of true silence,

有些时候电台会出现一片沉默

and silence in radio is not a good thing.

而电台节目中的沉默并非好事

However, when you have silence when you can sort of hear the tears,

但是，当你在一阵沉默中听到哭泣的声音时

you can try to just hear them gathering

你就像是听到观众聚集到了一起

the guts and determination to say the next word.

用他们的勇气和决心去逐字讲述 自己的故事

Or you can basically hear the snot running out of the nose

你也会在沉默中听到他们抽泣

and the tears running out of the eyes,

还有眼泪流出眼眶的声音

that's when you know, people are being fair dinkum,

那个时候你会意识到，听众们都那么真诚

that's when you know that they're being real.

因此，你会明白他们是真情实感的

So, fantastic.

所以真的很棒

And it made me think.

这也让我开始思考

I wonder how many other people are worrying alone?

我在想还有多少人在担心自己是独自一人呢？

If we just opened it up on this radio show on this morning and I tell my story,

如果大家在这个早上收听我们的节目 并听到我讲述自己的故事

then we have 90 minutes of people going, "Me too," "Me too," "Me too,"

然后在接下来的90分钟里，大家说的是 “我也是”，“我也是”，“我也是”

I wonder how many people are out there feeling exactly the same way.

我想知道有多少人有完全相同的感受

So that day changed my life.

所以那天改变了我的人生

I decided to commit myself to being more honest, more vulnerable.

我决定让自己变得更诚实，更脆弱

But even more importantly, let's get suicide prevention down to zero.

但更为重要的是，让我们把自杀率归零吧

A huge call, I know, and I said it in the Australian press

我知道这个呼吁很大胆 我也曾在澳洲媒体上讲过这话

and everyone gave it to me, but I don't care.

所有人都在嘲笑我，但我不在乎

I'm going to focus on making sure that no one goes

我决定致力于确保再没有人

through the type of stuff that my mate went through.

经历我兄弟一样的事情

And how do we do that?

那我们要如何做呢？

How do we do that?

要怎么做呢？

That's the trick.

这才是难点

So for the last six years,

所以在过去六年里

I’ve been running a foundation called “Gotcha4Life.”

我运营了一个基金会叫“Gotcha4Life”

I want everyone in the world to find someone who has got you for life.

我希望全世界每个人都能找到那个一生的后盾

Someone you can talk to, warts and all,

那些你能毫无芥蒂、和盘托出的对象

without any fear of judgment, about the truly important stuff.

不用担心你会因为讲述真正重要的事而被批判

Why do we keep celebrating with lots of people in parties

为什么我们还会和很多人一起在聚会上庆祝

but we don't celebrate the stuff that's a little bit harder,

但我们从不会把那些不太好的、难以分享的事

the stuff that's not so good?

与大家一起分享呢？

Why is that the case?

为什么会这样呢？

So that's been the focus.

所以这才是重点

I don't know if you know the stats around suicide.

我不知道各位是否留意过自杀相关的数据

I think we're all big enough and ugly enough in here to know them.

我觉得在座各位已经足够成熟与坚强 可以知道相关的信息了

In Australia, seven men every day, two women;

在澳洲，每天都会有7个男人和2个女人自杀

nine Australians that woke up this morning won't wake up tomorrow morning.

9个澳洲人再也不会在明天的晨光中醒来

65,000 people in Australia try to take their own life every single year.

在澳洲，每年会有65,000人尝试自杀

The number one way to die, if you’re a young Australian male,

如果你是一名澳洲的青年男性 那么第一位的死亡方式

is suicide.

是自杀

Now, according to the World Health Organization, WHO,

根据世界卫生组织（WHO）

they tell me that over 1,900 people that woke up this morning

每天都有超过1,900人

won't wake up tomorrow morning.

不会再见到明天的太阳

They would have taken their own life.

他们会自杀

On top of that, 38,000, nearly 40,000 people

除此以外，38,000人也就是接近40,000人

will try to take their own life today.

就在今天会尝试自杀

1,900 people today.

今天，全世界就有1,900人死去

38,000 will attempt today around the world.

38,000人尝试死去

Now, I don't know you guys very well,

我对在座各位不是很了解

but I'm sure, in the last couple of days I've got the vibe and the love

但我很肯定在过去的这几天中 我感受到了氛围与爱

that we are all here to try and make the world a better place.

我们相聚于此就是想试着让这个世界变得更好

So this is not what we're going to accept.

这不是我们应该接受的数据

This is a line in the sand, time to go, "No, no more."

这是底线，是时候离开了 “不应该再增加了”

But what can you do?

但是你能做什么呢？

If you look at the world as this huge, big place,

如果你把世界当做一个巨大而广阔的地方来看

it might be too big a task for you to deal with.

这个任务对你来说可能太过艰巨了

It might be too big in your own country.

就算是在你自己的国家，也很艰巨

It might be too big in your own city.

哪怕是故乡城市，也依旧艰巨

But what if we just started looking after your own village?

但如果我们从自己生活的村庄着手呢？

What if we just say, "I'm just going to look after my own people,

如果我们决定“我要照顾好自己人

the people that I love and adore and I cannot imagine living without?"

照顾好我深爱和崇拜，并且不能失去的人。”

Just imagine that.

想想看吧

In the last few years, I've been so lucky to talk to people

在过去的几年中，我很幸运能和那些

that have tried to take their life, but they're still with us.

想要自杀的人聊天，而他们依旧活在我们之中

Now those conversations are hard.

现在已经很难有这种对话了

I feel extremely blessed to be able to be in those one-on-one conversations.

我真的很庆幸能够参与到一对一的对话当中

You know what comes out of those conversations?

你们知道我从那些对话里悟出了什么吗？

Three things.

三件事

One, they didn't want to die.

首先，他们并不想死

They tried to take their own life, but they didn't want to die.

他们尝试自杀，但他们不想死

That gave me great hope.

这让我有了很大希望

The other thing was that they were tired, and they were in pain.

另外一件事就是，他们很疲惫而且很痛苦

So if you combine tired and pain together,

所以如果把疲惫和痛苦放在一起

you make a shit decision.

人们会做出很糟糕的决定

We all know this.

我们都知道这点

If you are not rested and you're in pain, you make bad calls.

如果你休息不好而且很痛苦的话 你会做出糟糕的决策

So if we know that they don't want to die, but they've tried to take their life,

所以如果我们知道，尽管他们尝试自杀 但并不想死

that's the hope that we need to hold on to.

这就是希望所在，我们需要抓住机会

That means if we can get to people

也就是如果在那些人的情绪

before they get to an eight, nine out of ten in terms of how they feel,

到达峰值之前能够接触他们的话

we can actually stop them making that permanent decision

我们就可以根据当下的情况

based on a temporary situation.

阻止他们做出永久性的决定

That's what it's all about.

这就是我悟出的事

And that's what I want to do with you guys now, if I possibly can.

如果可以的话，这也是我想和在座各位 一起努力的事情

Just in the small amount of time I got left,

我的演讲时间不多了

I want you to trust me that I'm going to put my big bear hug,

我希望各位能信任我 我会给出自己大大的拥抱

and if you knew me well, I'd be hugging all of you if I possibly can.

如果你们更了解我的话 我会尽可能拥抱在座所有人

I'm a hugger.

我是个拥抱给予者

(Laughter)

（笑声）

COVID really knocked me for six.

新冠真的让我措手不及

(Applause)

（掌声）

No hugging in COVID was no good.

新冠期间不能拥抱真的很糟

What I'd love you to do

我现在想请各位

is just all of you, shut your eyes for me, please.

闭上眼睛

No one else can see you, so please roll along.

没人能看到你，所以请继续

We're going to shut our eyes.

各位请闭上你们的眼睛

I want you to think of someone that you love and adore

请你们去想想那个你深爱和崇拜

and you cannot imagine living without.

并且不能失去的人

Have you got that person's face in your head?

各位脑海里有出现这个人的脸吗？

Do you know what that person’s name is, and have you got them locked in?

是否知道这个人的名字呢？确认了吗？

Now open your eyes.

现在请睁开眼睛

After three, I want you to shout that person's name out.

我数三个数，请各位大声喊出这个人的名字

One, two, three.

1,2,3

(Audience shouting)

（观众喊声）

One, two, three.

1,2,3

(Audience shouting)

（观众喊声）

OK, this is the bit.

好的，这就是关键点

Over the next two and a half days,

在接下来的两天半中

I'm going to be haunting you, I'm going to be cuddling you,

我将来到你的身边，拥抱你

I'm looking after you, I'm coming for you.

我将会找寻你，照顾你

I'm coming for everyone in this theater.

我会去寻找在这个剧场中在座的每一位

You need to do something for me

你们需要向那个刚刚喊出名字的那位

to that person that you just shouted out.

做一些事

I need you to send them a text message.

我需要你们向那个人发一条短信

Simple as that.

就这么简单

Having these face-to-face conversations, I understand, is hard.

面对面谈话很难，这个我懂

But when we're building our mental fitness,

但当我们锻炼自己的心理健康时

as already been mentioned in this session,

也就是我们在这个讲座里提到的那些事

we have to start slowly.

都是需要慢慢起步的

So I want you to walk up to the mental fitness gym for me

所以我希望各位能为了我走进这个锻炼 心理健康的“健身房”

and just open up those doors, and I want you to send a text.

打开你们的心门，发送一条信息

But the words to the text are this:

信息的内容是这样的：

“I love you, I miss you, See you soon xoxo.”

“我爱你，我很想你。 待会儿见，亲亲”

“I love you, I miss you, See you soon xoxo.”

“我爱你，我很想你。 待会儿见，亲亲”

Hopefully you can remember that.

希望你们能记住这个内容

I'll be outside if you want to get -- or ask someone,

如果你们需要帮助，或者问询的话 我就在外面

I'm sure someone's going to remember.

我相信总有人能记住的

What I want you to do is send that text message,

我想要各位做的就是发送那条短信

and let's just see what responses we get.

然后让我们看看你们会得到什么回复

As I said, I’ll be hunting you down over the next two and a half days,

像我刚说的，我会在接下来的两天半里 找寻你们

and I want you to run up to me and go, "I've got the text, here's my response."

然后我希望你们跑向我然后告诉我： “我发送了信息，这是我得到的回复。”

I want other people who go, "Oh, here's that bloke,

我想其他人可能会说：“啧，那小子来了

I'm going to walk away."

准备跑路。”

I'm going to hunt you down.

我会去找寻你们

And the reason I'm doing that is because I want everyone just to have

我做这件事是因为我希望在座每个人

a little bit of connection with the person that is most important to you,

都可以和你们最重要的人建立连接

that person that you thought about straight away as you shut your eyes

那个你闭上眼就径直出现在你脑海里

and went, "OK, that's my person."

然后让你认为“就是那个人”的人

It's all about connection.

这一切都是为了连接

It's all about making sure that you look after the people

为了确保你去照顾那些

the people that are most important to you.

对你来说最重要的人

Work can wait.

工作可以等待

It'll always be there, they'll always replace you.

工作就一直在那，可以找到替代的人完成

But not these people.

但是那些重要的人不可以

I would give anything to have a cup of tea, a beer,

我愿意付出任何代价去和那个

go to a footy match with my man who took his own life.

杀掉自己的男人一起喝杯茶或是啤酒 然后看一场橄榄球赛

I'll never be able to do that.

我再也做不到了

Let's make sure that we look after our village.

让我们确保自己能够维护自己的村子

Make sure we look after the people that are most important to you.

确保我们照顾好自己生命中最重要的那些人

That is absolutely key.

这绝对是问题的关键

The worst thing?

最糟糕的情况？

The text message gets sent out,

信息发出去了

someone goes, "What the --"

有些人可能会：“这什么......”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Or, "Are you drunk?"

或者，“喝了几两啊？”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Or if a man sends it to a man,

或者如果这个信息是一位男性发给另一个男性

there will be a phone call within 30 seconds, guaranteed.

那可能会有一个30秒内的通话，我保证

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Or the worst case scenario?

或者最最糟糕的情况是：

"What's this all about?"

“你这是在干什么？”

Well, you can then say to them,

那这个时候你就可以告诉他们

"Well, I was asked to think of someone that I love and adore

“刚才有人要求我想一个自己深爱、崇拜

and can't imagine living without.

并且不能失去的人

I thought of you."

我想到了你”

That's a pretty cool way to connect yourself up

这是一个和你最重要的人

with the people that are most important to you.

连接的很棒的方法

Thanks so much for listening, guys,

感谢大家的聆听

I appreciate it.

非常感谢

(Applause and cheers)

（掌声和欢呼声）