Is Someone You Love Suffering in Silence? Here's What To Do | Gus Worland | TED

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: 麗玲 辛

I want to talk about my mentor.

我想談談我的心靈導師。

I want to talk about the day

我想要談談有一天，

that I got a phone call saying that he had died.

我接到電話，得知他過世了。

And I want to talk about the moments later in the same phone call

我也想談談在同一通電話中，接著

that I'd heard that he'd actually taken his own life.

我聽到他是自殺了。

And I'm saying this because I want you to listen

我說這些，因為我希望各位能聆聽，

and also think about all the people that you love and adore

同時也想想你愛的人、珍視的人，

and you cannot imagine living without in your life

你無法想像失去的那些人，

在聽我說話時，請想想他們。

as you're listening to me talk.

安格斯，我的朋友、 我的導師、我視之如父。

My friend, my mentor, my father figure, Angus.

I truly loved him.

我真的很愛他。

My father had left the family home when I was quite young,

我很小的時候，我父親就離家了，

and he took on the mantle to look after me.

他擔起了保護我、照顧我的責任。

I'd known him from a very young age,

我很小就認識他了，他教我游泳。

he taught me how to swim.

He was my cousin's boyfriend then my cousin's husband,

他是我表親的男友， 接著成了我表親的丈夫，

and he was just my go-to guy.

我有什麼事就會找他。

When I was starting to date girls and I wasn’t sure what to do,

當我開始和女孩約會， 不確定該怎麼做時，

I'd ring him up and I'd ask him, "Mate, what do you think?

我會打電話問他： 「老兄，你覺得呢？

What's going on?

這是怎麼回事？我應該怎麼做？」

How should I perhaps do this?"

When I ended up working for him years and years later

數年後，當我後來在一間 多國企業中為他工作時，

in a big multi-corporate,

I'd always go to him for workarounds, "How can I get this deal done?"

我需要撇步時，總會找他： 「我要如何完成這項交易？」

He always seem to be that guy that I could turn to,

他似乎總是我能求救的 對象，且他總是能給我

and he would always give me the right answer.

正確答案。

不只是我，我記得在公司， 每當我經過轉角，

Not only me, I remember walking around the corner at work one day

and there's always someone in his office.

總會有人在他的辦公室裡。

There was always someone waiting for him,

總是有人在等他，當你 打給他時，他總是在通話中，

if you rang him up, he was always on the phone, he'd ring you back.

要等他回電。

He always seemed to be that guy that had people going to him,

他似乎總是大家會找的人，

去找他協助，

asking for help,

asking for favors, asking for support.

去請他賣個人情，去請他支持。

He was good-looking.

他很帥。

Beautiful wife, my cousin.

妻子很漂亮，是我的表親。

Three beautiful children.

孩子也很美好。

Why would someone like that take their own life?

為什麼像那樣的人會自殺？

Why would they?

為什麼？

Makes no sense to me.

我無法理解。

And at the funeral,

在葬禮上，

and talking to people after the funeral,

在葬禮後和大家交談，

just the frustration,

就只有挫折感， 「你知道嗎？」「知道嗎？」

"Did you know?" "Did you know?"

「有人知道嗎？」「你有頭緒嗎？」

"Did anyone know?" "Did you get a clue?"

And of course everyone's saying, "No, I didn't have a clue.

當然，大家都說：「沒有，

In fact, he was just like you're saying, he was my go-to guy."

我毫無頭緒，事實上，

他是我有事時會去找的人。」

He seemed to tick all the boxes.

他似乎符合所有要求。

他似乎就是知道 在對的時機要說什麼，

He seemed to just know what to say at the right time,

and he seemed to be able to work his way,

他似乎都能找到方法，

both personally and with work, to get life done.

個人生活上和工作上 都能把事情搞定。

And he was successful.

他很成功。

I told that story on a breakfast show that I was on

我在我的一個早餐節目上 講了這個故事，

called "The Grill Team" in Sydney, Australia.

我在澳洲雪黎有個經營了 十一年的節目《燒烤團隊》。

I was on there for 11 years.

And one morning, I decided to be vulnerable.

有天早上，我決定讓自己脆弱。

One morning I said, "Do you know what? I'm going to talk about my friend."

有天早上，我說：「猜猜如何？ 我要來談談我朋友。」

Because we were six years into that 11-year stint,

因為那時是十一年節目的第六年， 而我都沒什麼談過我自己。

and I'd never really spoken much about myself.

我們談過運動，我們談過講笑話。

We spoke about sport,

we spoke about telling jokes.

We did things like ticket giveaways and concert giveaways and fun stuff.

我們做過贈票、 音樂會贈票、有趣的活動。

We wanted to get people driving to work or listening to us having fun.

我們希望讓開車去工作 或聽我們節目的人能夠開心。

We didn't want to sort of drag them down with personal stuff or being vulnerable.

我們不想用個人的事 或表現脆弱讓他們心情低落。

But one morning, 4:30 in the morning,

但有天早上，

清晨四點半，我和製作人 及搭檔主持人坐下來談，我說：

sitting around the production table with the producers and my cohost, I said,

"I'm going to be vulnerable today.

「我今天會表現脆弱。

I'm going to talk about something that I haven't spoken about before,

我要談一件我以前沒說過的事，

這事長期困擾著我，我想說出來。」

and it's been eating away at me and I want to do it."

And they supported me.

他們支持我。

We've been on for a long time, we were like brothers.

我們一起做節目很久了， 就像兄弟一樣。

我們總說：「想做什麼，就去做吧。」

We said, "You know what?

Whatever you want to do, let's go for it."

八點五分，八點新聞剛過沒多久， 廣播圈的好萊塢時段，

So 8:05 just after the eight o'clock news, the Hollywood hour in radio land,

we flicked on the mics,

我們打開麥克風，

and I told the story that I just told you guys.

我講了我剛才告訴各位的那個故事。

It was hard.

過程很不容易， 搭檔主持人在旁支持我，

I was getting support from my cohost,

I got the words out eventually, a bit like I am today.

我最終把話說出來了， 有點像我今天這樣。

Emotional stuff, certain things trigger you.

內容滿情緒化的， 因為某些事會觸發你。

But what was truly happening behind me

而當天在我背後，看到的是

所有能打進電台的電話線路

was all the phone lines into the radio station were flashing,

which means people were phoning in.

閃個不停，表示有人來電。

Normally those lines would be for you to ring up to be part of the show,

通常那些電話是讓你 打進來參與節目的，

說個笑話、

to tell a joke, to win a concert ticket, to win a movie ticket.

贏一張音樂會的票、贏一張電影票。

突然間，所有的電話線路都在閃。

All of a sudden, all those lines were flashing.

Didn't quite realize why.

我不太了解怎麼了。

The producer comes in and says,

製作人走進來說：「大家想要 謝謝你說出你的故事。」

"We've got all these people that want to thank you for telling your story."

我心想，大家真好。

I thought, that's nice.

我公開我自己，能得到 一點像那樣的愛是挺好的。

I've put myself out there,

It is nice to get a little bit of love like that.

就這樣，我們開始將 幾通電話接到節目上。

So we started putting a few calls through.

Not only were they telling me, "Thank you for telling that story,"

他們不僅告訴我： 「謝謝你說出那個故事。」

more importantly,

更重要的是，那就像是 我們給了他們綠燈，

it was like we'd given them a green light,

我們給了他們許可， 讓他們能談他們想談的事。

we'd given them permission to talk about the stuff

that they wanted to talk about.

All of a sudden, in a safe place,

突然間，在一個安全的地方，

like a radio station where they'd normally laugh their way to work,

比如在上班途中 通常讓他們大笑的電台，

we'd given them a little opportunity to talk about the stuff

我們給了他們一點機會，

去談對他們而言真的很重要的事，

that's truly important to them, the stuff that they had in their bellies,

他們肚裡的苦水，

the stuff banging around in their heads

他們腦中揮之不去的困擾。

that they never thought they would get a chance to talk about.

他們從沒想過能有機會 可以去談這些事。

So what we did for the next 90 minutes

接下來的九十分鐘是我參與過 最美好的廣播時光。

was just the most beautiful radio that I've ever been involved in.

We took no traffic reports, no news reports,

我們不報導交通，

不報導新聞，不播放音樂，

we played no music,

整整九十分鐘就是大家拙劣地摸索，

we just had 90 minutes of people bumbling and fumbling

想辦法進行

and getting their way through a conversation of gravity

一場沉重的談話，

with us in the radio studio.

和在廣播室的我們分享。

There was moments --

有些時刻——謝謝。

Thank you.

(Applause)

（掌聲）

It was impressive that so many people went,

很難忘，這麼多人說：「你知道嗎，

"You know what, I'm diving in here.

我也要下海了，我現在要講 我的事，因為他說了那些。」

I'm talking about my stuff now because he spoke about that,"

所有的陌生人在廣播上傾聽彼此，

all strangers listening to each other on the radio

all gave each other permission to have a chat.

都給予彼此許可，可以聊聊。

There was moments of true silence,

有些時候，完全沒人說話， 在廣播上無聲不是好事。

and silence in radio is not a good thing.

However, when you have silence when you can sort of hear the tears,

然而，在無聲時，你好像可以

聽到淚水，聽到他們在重整心情，

you can try to just hear them gathering

the guts and determination to say the next word.

鼓起勇氣、找到決心 來說出下一句話。

Or you can basically hear the snot running out of the nose

或者基本上你可以

聽見他們一把鼻涕一把眼淚，

and the tears running out of the eyes,

那時你就會知道對方 是真誠的，是真實的。

that's when you know, people are being fair dinkum,

that's when you know that they're being real.

很棒。這也讓我思考，

So, fantastic.

And it made me think.

I wonder how many other people are worrying alone?

有多少人在獨自擔憂？

If we just opened it up on this radio show on this morning and I tell my story,

如果我們在這個節目上 開啟了這扇門，

這個早上我說了我的故事， 接著九十分鐘大家都在說：

then we have 90 minutes of people going, "Me too," "Me too," "Me too,"

「我也是。」「我也是。」

I wonder how many people are out there feeling exactly the same way.

我很想知道，其他地方 還有多少人也有同感。

So that day changed my life.

那天改變了我的人生。

I decided to commit myself to being more honest, more vulnerable.

我決定讓我自己 更誠實、更能展現脆弱。

But even more importantly, let's get suicide prevention down to zero.

但更重要的，

咱們做好自殺預防，讓它降到零， 我知道這是很高遠的目標，

A huge call, I know, and I said it in the Australian press

我在澳洲媒體上說過， 大家都這樣講，但我不在乎。

and everyone gave it to me, but I don't care.

I'm going to focus on making sure that no one goes

我要專心致力於確保沒有人經歷 我的好夥伴經歷的那種事。

through the type of stuff that my mate went through.

And how do we do that?

我們要怎麼做？

How do we do that?

我們要怎麼做？

That's the trick.

這就是關鍵所在。

So for the last six years,

過去六年，我在經營 「終生罩你」基金會。

I’ve been running a foundation called “Gotcha4Life.”

我希望世界上所有人 都能找到終生罩你的人。

I want everyone in the world to find someone who has got you for life.

Someone you can talk to, warts and all,

你可以談話的對象， 不用掩飾你的缺點，

不用懼怕評斷，能談真正重要的事。

without any fear of judgment, about the truly important stuff.

Why do we keep celebrating with lots of people in parties

為什麼我們總是 和許多人在派對上慶祝，

但我們卻不慶祝比較 困難的、沒那麼好的事情？

but we don't celebrate the stuff that's a little bit harder,

the stuff that's not so good?

為什麼是這樣？

Why is that the case?

那是我的重點。

So that's been the focus.

I don't know if you know the stats around suicide.

不知道各位是否清楚 自殺的統計數字。

I think we're all big enough and ugly enough in here to know them.

我想我們都夠成熟 也夠醜陋可以聽這些了。

在澳洲，每天有七名男性、 兩名女性；總共九名澳洲人，

In Australia, seven men every day, two women;

nine Australians that woke up this morning won't wake up tomorrow morning.

今天早上起床之後， 明天就不會再醒來。

65,000 people in Australia try to take their own life every single year.

每年澳洲就有六萬五千人試圖自殺。

The number one way to die, if you’re a young Australian male,

如果你是年輕澳洲男性， 排名第一的死因是自殺。

is suicide.

Now, according to the World Health Organization, WHO,

根據世界衛生組織（WHO），

they tell me that over 1,900 people that woke up this morning

他們告訴我，有超過 一千九百人今天起床之後，

won't wake up tomorrow morning.

明天就不會再醒來， 因為他們自殺了。

They would have taken their own life.

On top of that, 38,000, nearly 40,000 people

此外，三萬八千人，接近四萬人，

今天會嘗試自殺。

will try to take their own life today.

一千九百人自殺身亡。

1,900 people today.

38,000 will attempt today around the world.

全世界今天就有 三萬八千人嘗試自殺。

Now, I don't know you guys very well,

我和各位不熟，

but I'm sure, in the last couple of days I've got the vibe and the love

但我很確定，在過去幾天 我感受到，我們來這裡都是為了

that we are all here to try and make the world a better place.

讓世界變得更好。

So this is not what we're going to accept.

所以我們不能接受現狀。

This is a line in the sand, time to go, "No, no more."

這是不能逾越的線，該是說 「不要再繼續下去」的時候了。

But what can you do?

但各位能做什麼？

If you look at the world as this huge, big place,

若放眼全世界這麼大的地方， 這個任務會大到你無法處理。

it might be too big a task for you to deal with.

It might be too big in your own country.

你自己的國家、城市， 都可能還是太大了。

It might be too big in your own city.

但如果我們只是從照顧 自己的村落開始呢？

But what if we just started looking after your own village?

What if we just say, "I'm just going to look after my own people,

如果我們說：「我要先 照顧好我自己身邊的人，

the people that I love and adore and I cannot imagine living without?"

我愛的人、我珍視的人， 我無法想像失去的人？」

Just imagine that.

想像一下。

In the last few years, I've been so lucky to talk to people

過去幾年，我很幸運能和一些人交談，

that have tried to take their life, but they're still with us.

他們曾經試圖自殺，但現在還活著。

那些談話很不容易。

Now those conversations are hard.

I feel extremely blessed to be able to be in those one-on-one conversations.

我覺得我非常有福氣， 才能參與那些一對一的交談。

You know what comes out of those conversations?

各位知道那些交談談出了什麼嗎？

Three things.

有三點。

One, they didn't want to die.

一、他們並不想死。

They tried to take their own life, but they didn't want to die.

他們試圖自殺，但他們並不想死， 這一點給了我很大的希望。

That gave me great hope.

The other thing was that they were tired, and they were in pain.

另一點是，他們很疲憊 且身在痛苦當中。

So if you combine tired and pain together,

把疲憊和痛苦結合在一起，

you make a shit decision.

就會做出很鳥的決定。

We all know this.

這我們都知道。

If you are not rested and you're in pain, you make bad calls.

如果你沒有休息又很痛苦， 你會做出糟糕的決策。

So if we know that they don't want to die, but they've tried to take their life,

所以如果我們知道 他們不想死，但試圖自殺，

那是我們得要抓住的希望。

that's the hope that we need to hold on to.

That means if we can get to people

那表示若我們能早點接觸他們，

before they get to an eight, nine out of ten in terms of how they feel,

別讓他們的感覺到達 十分中的八、九分，

we can actually stop them making that permanent decision

我們其實就能阻止他們

根據一時的情況做出永久的決定。

based on a temporary situation.

That's what it's all about.

那就是重點，那是我希望我 盡可能和各位共同努力去做的。

And that's what I want to do with you guys now, if I possibly can.

Just in the small amount of time I got left,

在我剩下的一點點時間內，

I want you to trust me that I'm going to put my big bear hug,

請相信我，我要來個大熊抱，

and if you knew me well, I'd be hugging all of you if I possibly can.

如果你認識我，就知道 我會想盡可能抱抱每個人。

我是愛擁抱的人。

I'm a hugger.

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

COVID really knocked me for six.

新冠肺炎真的讓我措手不及。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

No hugging in COVID was no good.

新冠肺炎期間無法擁抱，實在很不好。

What I'd love you to do

我希望各位做的，

is just all of you, shut your eyes for me, please.

是請大家為我閉上眼睛。

No one else can see you, so please roll along.

沒有別人能看到你，所以請一起做。

We're going to shut our eyes.

我們都把眼睛閉上。

I want you to think of someone that you love and adore

我想請大家想著 你愛的人、你珍視的人，

and you cannot imagine living without.

你無法想像失去的人。

Have you got that person's face in your head?

你腦中有那個人的面孔了嗎？

Do you know what that person’s name is, and have you got them locked in?

你知道那個人的名字？鎖定他們了嗎？

Now open your eyes.

現在請張開眼睛。

After three, I want you to shout that person's name out.

數到三之後，請喊出那個人的名字。

One, two, three.

一、二、三。

(Audience shouting)

（觀眾大喊）

One, two, three.

一、二、三。

(Audience shouting)

（觀眾大喊）

OK, this is the bit.

好，這是我們的約定。

Over the next two and a half days,

在接下來的兩天半，

I'm going to be haunting you, I'm going to be cuddling you,

我會纏著你，我會摟抱你， 我會照顧你，我會去找你。

I'm looking after you, I'm coming for you.

I'm coming for everyone in this theater.

我會去找在座的每個人。

You need to do something for me

各位要為我做一件事，

to that person that you just shouted out.

對象是你剛才喊出來的那個人。

I need you to send them a text message.

請發一個訊息給他們。

Simple as that.

就這麼簡單。

Having these face-to-face conversations, I understand, is hard.

我知道面對面進行 這類談話是很困難的。

But when we're building our mental fitness,

但在培養我們的心理健康時， 先前的演說中也有提到，

as already been mentioned in this session,

我們得慢慢起步。

we have to start slowly.

So I want you to walk up to the mental fitness gym for me

所以我要請各位走到心理健身房，

and just open up those doors, and I want you to send a text.

打開大門，發出一個訊息。

But the words to the text are this:

訊息的內容是這些：

“I love you, I miss you, See you soon xoxo.”

「我愛你，我想你，

下回見，XOXO（親親抱抱）」

“I love you, I miss you, See you soon xoxo.”

「我愛你，我想你，下回見， XOXO（親親抱抱）」

Hopefully you can remember that.

希望各位記下來。

I'll be outside if you want to get -- or ask someone,

如果忘了，我會在外頭，

或者也可以問別人， 我相信有人會記住。

I'm sure someone's going to remember.

What I want you to do is send that text message,

我希望各位發出那個訊息， 看看會得到什麼回應。

and let's just see what responses we get.

As I said, I’ll be hunting you down over the next two and a half days,

我剛說過，接下來兩天半 我會去找每個人，

我也希望你來找我，說：

and I want you to run up to me and go, "I've got the text, here's my response."

「這是我收到的回覆。」

I want other people who go, "Oh, here's that bloke,

其他人也許心想：「喔， 是這個傢伙，我快閃。」

I'm going to walk away."

但我會去找你們的。

I'm going to hunt you down.

And the reason I'm doing that is because I want everyone just to have

我這麼做的理由是因為 我希望每個人都能夠去連結

a little bit of connection with the person that is most important to you,

那個對你最重要的人，

當你閉上眼睛馬上就想到且說

that person that you thought about straight away as you shut your eyes

and went, "OK, that's my person."

「對，就是這個人」的那個人。

It's all about connection.

重點是連結。

It's all about making sure that you look after the people

重點是確保你有照顧到 對你最重要的人。

the people that are most important to you.

工作可以等。

Work can wait.

It'll always be there, they'll always replace you.

工作一直會在那裡， 而且永遠有人可以取代你。

But not these people.

但這些人不會。

I would give anything to have a cup of tea, a beer,

我願意用任何代價交換和我那位 自殺的好夥伴喝杯茶、啤酒，

go to a footy match with my man who took his own life.

看場足球賽，但這永遠無法實現了。

I'll never be able to do that.

咱們一定要照顧好自己的村落， 照顧好對你最重要的人。

Let's make sure that we look after our village.

Make sure we look after the people that are most important to you.

那絕對是關鍵。最糟的狀況？

That is absolutely key.

The worst thing?

The text message gets sent out,

訊息發出去了，

someone goes, "What the --"

有人回：「搞什麼……」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Or, "Are you drunk?"

或：「你醉了嗎？」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Or if a man sends it to a man,

或者，若是男人發訊息給男人， 保證三十秒後電話就會打來。

there will be a phone call within 30 seconds, guaranteed.

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Or the worst case scenario?

或者，最糟糕的情況？

"What's this all about?"

「這是在做什麼？」

Well, you can then say to them,

那你就可以跟對方說：

"Well, I was asked to think of someone that I love and adore

「有人要我想一個我愛的人、 我珍視的人，無法想像失去的人。

and can't imagine living without.

I thought of you."

而我想到你。」

That's a pretty cool way to connect yourself up

用這種方式和對你最重要的人 連結，還挺酷的。

with the people that are most important to you.

感謝聆聽，各位，謝謝。

Thanks so much for listening, guys,

（掌聲及歡呼）

I appreciate it.

(Applause and cheers)