Is civility a sham? | Teresa Bejan

75,266 views ・ 2018-12-05

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00:12
This talk contains mature language Viewer discretion is advised
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Let's get this out of the way.
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I'm here because I wrote a book about civility,
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and because that book came out
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right around the 2016 American presidential election,
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I started getting lots of invitations to come and talk about civility
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and why we need more of it in American politics.
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So great.
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The only problem was that I had written that book about civility
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because I was convinced that civility is ...
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bullshit.
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(Laughter)
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Now, that may sound like a highly uncivil thing to say,
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and lucky for you, and for my publisher,
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I did eventually come to change my mind.
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In the course of writing that book
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and studying the long history of civility and religious tolerance
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in the 17th century,
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I came to discover that there is a virtue of civility,
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and far from being bullshit, it's actually absolutely essential,
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especially for tolerant societies,
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so societies like this one, that promise not only to protect diversity
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but also the heated and sometimes even hateful disagreements
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that that diversity inspires.
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You see, the thing about disagreement
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is that there is a reason
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that "disagreeable" is a synonym for "unpleasant."
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As the English philosopher Thomas Hobbes pointed out
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all the way back in 1642,
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that's because the mere act of disagreement is offensive.
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And Hobbes is still right. It works like this:
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so, if you and I disagree,
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and I'm right, because I always am,
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how am I to make sense of the fact that you are so very, very wrong?
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It couldn't possibly be that you've just come to a different conclusion
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in good faith?
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No, you must be up to something, you must be stupid,
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bigoted, interested.
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Maybe you're insane.
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And the same goes the other way. Right?
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So the mere fact of your disagreeing with me
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is implicitly an insult not only to my views, but to my intelligence, too.
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And things only get worse when the disagreements at stake
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are the ones that we somehow consider to be fundamental,
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whether to our worldviews or to our identities.
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You know the kinds of disagreement I mean.
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One doesn't discuss religion or politics
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or increasingly, the politics of popular culture, at the dinner table,
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because these are the disagreements,
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these are the things that people really, seriously disagree about,
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and they define themselves against their opponents in the controversy.
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But of course those fundamental disagreements
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are precisely the ones that tolerant societies
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like the United States propose to tolerate,
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which perhaps explains why, historically, at least,
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tolerant societies haven't been the happy-clappy communities of difference
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that you sometimes hear about.
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No, they tend to be places where people have to hold their noses
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and rub along together despite their mutual contempt.
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That's what I learned from studying religious tolerance
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in early modern England and America.
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And I also learned that the virtue that makes
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that un-murderous coexistence, if you will, possible,
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is the virtue of civility,
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because civility makes our disagreements tolerable
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so that we can share a life together even if we don't share a faith --
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religious, political or otherwise.
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Still, I couldn't help but notice
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that when most people talk about civility today --
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and boy, do they talk about civility a lot --
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they seem to have something else in mind.
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So if civility is the virtue that makes it possible to tolerate disagreement
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so that we can actually engage with our opponents,
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talking about civility
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seems to be mainly a strategy of disengagement.
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It's a little bit like threatening to take your ball and go home
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when the game isn't going your way.
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Because the funny thing about incivility
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is that it's always the sin of our opponents.
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It's funny.
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When it comes to our own bad behavior,
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well, we seem to develop sudden-onset amnesia,
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or we can always justify it as an appropriate response
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to the latest outrage from our opponents.
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So, "How can I be civil to someone who is set out to destroy
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everything I stand for?
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And by the way, they started it."
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It's all terrifically convenient.
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Also convenient is the fact that most of today's big civility talkers
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tend to be quite vague and fuzzy
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when it comes to what they think civility actually entails.
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We're told that civility is simply a synonym for respect,
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for good manners, for politeness,
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but at the same time, it's clear that to accuse someone of incivility
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is much, much worse than calling them impolite,
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because to be uncivil is to be potentially intolerable
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in a way that merely being rude isn't.
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So to call someone uncivil, to accuse them of incivility,
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is a way of communicating that they are somehow beyond the pale,
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that they're not worth engaging with at all.
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So here's the thing:
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civility isn't bullshit,
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it's precious because it's the virtue that makes fundamental disagreement
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not only possible but even sometimes occasionally productive.
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It's precious, but it's also really, really difficult.
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Civility talk, on the other hand,
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well, that's really easy,
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really easy,
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and it also is almost always complete bullshit,
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which makes things slightly awkward for me
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as I continue to talk to you about civility.
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(Laughter)
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Anyway, we tend to forget it,
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but politicians and intellectuals have been warning us for decades now
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that the United States is facing a crisis of civility,
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and they've tended to blame that crisis on technological developments,
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on things like cable TV, talk radio, social media.
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But any historian will tell you
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that there never was a golden age of disagreement,
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let alone good feelings,
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not in American politics.
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In my book, though, I argue that the first modern crisis of civility
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actually began about 500 years ago,
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when a certain professor of theology named Martin Luther
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took advantage of a recent advancement in communications technology,
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the printing press,
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to call the Pope the Antichrist,
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and thus inadvertently launch the Protestant Reformation.
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So think of the press, if you will, as the Twitter of the 16th century,
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and Martin Luther as the original troll.
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And I'm not exaggerating here.
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He once declared himself unable to pray
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without at the same time cursing
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his "anti-Christian," i.e. Catholic, opponents.
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And of course, those Catholic opponents clutched their pearls
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and called for civility then, too,
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but all the while, they gave as good as they got
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with traditional slurs like "heretic,"
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and, worst of all, "Protestant,"
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which began in the 16th century as an insult.
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The thing about civility talk, then as now,
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was that you could call out your opponent for going low,
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and then take advantage of the moral high ground
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to go as low or lower,
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because calling for civility sets up the speaker
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as a model of decorum while implicitly, subtly stigmatizing
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anyone with the temerity to disagree as uncivil.
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And so civility talk in the 17th century becomes a really effective way
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for members of the religious establishment
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to silence, suppress, exclude dissenters outside of the established church,
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especially when they spoke out against the status quo.
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So Anglican ministers could lecture atheists
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on the offensiveness of their discourse.
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Everyone could complain about the Quakers
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for refusing to doff and don their hats
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or their "uncouth" practice of shaking hands.
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But those accusations of incivility
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pretty soon became pretexts for persecution.
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So far, so familiar, right?
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We see that strategy again and again.
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It's used to silence civil rights protesters in the 20th century.
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And I think it explains why partisans on both sides of the aisle
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keep reaching for this, frankly, antiquated,
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early modern language of civility
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precisely when they want to communicate that certain people and certain views
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are beyond the pale,
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but they want to save themselves the trouble
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of actually making an argument.
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So no wonder skeptics like me tend to roll our eyes
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when the calls for conversational virtue begin,
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because instead of healing our social and political divisions,
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it seems like so much civility talk is actually making the problem worse.
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It's saving us the trouble of actually speaking to each other,
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allowing us to speak past each other or at each other
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while signaling our superior virtue
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and letting the audience know which side we're on.
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And given this, I think one might be forgiven, as I did,
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for assuming that because so much civility talk is bullshit,
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well then, the virtue of civility must be bullshit, too.
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But here, again, I think a little historical perspective goes a long way.
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Because remember, the same early modern crisis of civility
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that launched the Reformation
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also gave birth to tolerant societies,
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places like Rhode Island, Pennsylvania,
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and indeed, eventually the United States,
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places that at least aspired to protect disagreement
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as well as diversity,
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and what made that possible was the virtue of civility.
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What made disagreement tolerable,
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what it made it possible for us to share a life,
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even when we didn't share a faith,
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was a virtue,
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but one, I think, that is perhaps less aspirational
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and a lot more confrontational
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than the one that people who talk about civility a lot today
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tend to have in mind.
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So I like to call that virtue "mere civility."
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You may know it as the virtue that allows us to get through
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our relations with an ex-spouse,
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or a bad neighbor,
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not to mention a member of the other party.
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Because to be merely civil is to meet a low bar grudgingly,
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and that, again, makes sense,
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because civility is a virtue that's meant to help us disagree,
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and as Hobbes told us all those centuries ago,
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disagreeable means unpleasant for a reason.
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But if it isn't bullshit, what exactly is civility or mere civility?
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What does it require?
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Well, to start, it is not and cannot be
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the same thing as being respectful or polite,
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because we need civility precisely when we're dealing with those people
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that we find it the most difficult, or maybe even impossible, to respect.
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Similarly, being civil can't be the same as being nice,
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because being nice means not telling people what you really think about them
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or their wrong, wrong views.
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No, being civil means speaking your mind,
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but to your opponent's face,
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not behind her back.
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Being merely civil means not pulling our punches,
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but at the same time, it means maybe not landing all those punches all at once,
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because the point of mere civility
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is to allow us to disagree, to disagree fundamentally,
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but to do so without denying or destroying the possibility of a common life tomorrow
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with the people that we think are standing in our way today.
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And in that sense, I think civility is actually closely related
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to another virtue, the virtue of courage.
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So mere civility is having the courage to make yourself disagreeable,
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and to stay that way,
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but to do so while staying in the room
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and staying present to your opponents.
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And it also means that, sometimes, calling bullshit on people's civility talk
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is really the only civil thing to do.
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At least that's what I think.
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But look, if I've learned anything from studying the long history
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of religious tolerance in the 17th century, it's this:
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if you're talking about civility as a way to avoid an argument,
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to isolate yourself in the more agreeable company
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of the like-minded who already agree with you,
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if you find yourself never actually speaking to anyone
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who really, truly, fundamentally disagrees with you,
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well, you're doing civility wrong.
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Thank you.
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(Applause)
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