A Reframing of Masculinity, Rooted in Empathy | Gary Barker | TED

譯者: 麗玲 辛

This is a hard conversation.

這是個困難的話題。

I want to start with that.

我想用這句話開場。

Well, let's step into it.

讓我們開始吧。

It was 1977.

1977 年，

Jimmy Carter was president.

當時的總統是吉米．卡特。

"Queen" was playing on the radio.

廣播放著皇后樂團的歌。

I was having lunch in my high school cafeteria in Houston, Texas,

我在德州休斯頓 我的高中餐廳吃午餐，

when we heard a young man shouting at another young man next to him saying,

我們聽到一名年輕人對著 旁邊的另一個人大吼：

“You stole my girlfriend, and I’m going to make you pay.”

「你搶了我的女朋友， 我會讓你付出代價。」

He pulled out a pistol, and as about 100 of us looked on,

他掏出手槍，在我們 大約一百人的注視下，

he shot and killed him.

開槍打死了那個人。

Two years later,

兩年後，

I was a freshman, big state university,

我是州立大學的新生，

Friday night in the dorm room.

週五晚上在宿舍。

Music, beer,

音樂、啤酒，

five young men take a young woman back to one of their rooms

五個年輕人將 一名年輕女子帶到房間裏，

and force her to have sex.

強迫她發生性行為。

There was no investigation at the time.

當時並沒有進行調查，

No one called it rape.

也沒有人稱之為強暴，

No one said sexual violence.

沒有人認為是性暴力。

These two events are what drove me to do this work.

這兩個事件是推動我 投入這項工作的原因。

I work with survivors of violence around the world.

我與世界各地的暴力受害者一起工作。

It was somehow easier to work with survivors in other parts

在他鄉與受害者們合作， 似乎比在自己的國家，美國，

than it was to think about this in my own country, the US.

更容易思考這個問題。

And in that work, a throughline became clear.

在這項工作中，有條主軸變得清晰。

And that throughline is manhood.

這條主軸就是男子氣概。

It is an inconvenient and difficult-to-look-at truth,

這是一個難以面對的真相，

but the majority of violence in the world is carried out by men.

世界上絕大多數的暴力行為來自男性。

Since that shooting in my high school,

自從我高中的那次槍擊事件以來，

at least 800,000 people have died from gun suicide in the US alone.

單單在美國就至少有 80 萬人 死於槍械自殺。

The vast majority of those, men.

其中絕大多數是男性。

About 600,000 people have died of homicide in the US alone.

在美國，約有 60 萬人死於謀殺。

The vast majority of those who did the killing were men.

大多數兇手是男性。

One in three women in the world experiences violence from a male partner.

世界上每三名婦女 就有一名受到男性伴侶的暴力。

Violence is overwhelmingly male.

暴力行為絕大多數來自男性。

Often, the point will come up,

通常，人們會提出這樣的觀點：

this must be biology.

這一定是與生俱來的。

Yes, biology accounts for a small portion of it,

是的，生物學解釋了其中的一小部分，

but the vast majority is how we raise boys.

但絕大多原因是我們教養男孩的方式。

Research that we do --

我們進行的研究——

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Research that we've carried out finds that about --

我們進行的研究發現，

and we ask this in multiple countries --

我們在好幾個國家提出了這個問題，

about two thirds of men tell us

約有三分之二的男性告訴我們，

that during childhood they experienced physical violence from another male.

他們在童年時期曾受到 來自另一名男性的肢體暴力。

You do not get to adult manhood in most of the world without experiencing,

在大多數地方，成年之前，男性不可能

witnessing and learning male violence.

都沒有經歷、目睹和接觸到男性暴力。

Now, when I bring these points up, several things often happen.

當我提出這些觀點時， 通常會有幾個狀況。

One is someone will say, well, you're attacking men.

有人會說，你在攻擊男性。

Someone will also say, well,

還有人會說，

you're apologizing for men as you look at these origins of violence.

你在為男性辯護，因為你在 解釋這些暴力的源頭。

We've got to talk about this.

我們得談談這點。

We have to understand what are these pathways to men's use of violence

如果我們要打破這些暴力循環，

if we're to break these cycles of violence.

我們必須了解男性使用暴力的途徑。

This conversation must be about the version of manhood

這個討論必然牽涉到我們灌輸 給男孩的男子氣概定義。

we literally beat in to boys.

My organization, Equimundo, does research around the world on these topics.

我的組織 Equimundo 在世界各地對這些主題進行研究。

We listen to men, we carry out research

我們聆聽男性的心聲，

together with the UN, country governments, local partners.

與聯合國、國家政府和 地方合作夥伴一起進行研究。

We've been measuring over the last 10 to 12 years

在過去的 10 到 12 年裡，

where men are on these versions of manhood.

我們一直在衡量男性在 這些男子氣概的定義上的表現。

This won't surprise you,

我們來看看一些數據，

as we look at some of the numbers.

你不會感到驚訝的。

About 40 to 50 percent of men in the world

世界上大約四成到五成的男性相信

believe in a version of manhood that goes like this:

男子氣概的定義應該是：

I’ve got to outperform the other at all cost.

我必須不惜一切代價，勝過別人。

I can’t show that I’m vulnerable or ask for help.

我不能表現出我的脆弱或尋求幫助。

That sex is about conquest, not about intimacy and connection.

性就是征服，不是親密和連結。

That you’ve got to show that you’re tough all the time.

你必須一直展現你很堅強。

And that violence is a reasonable way to get what you want.

暴力是獲取想要的東西的合理途徑。

These are not just empty phrases.

這些不僅僅是空話。

These are things that men talk about.

這是男人們談論的內容。

They create realities.

這些話造就了現實。

The other thing we find is that the more you believe in these norms,

我們發現的另一件事是， 你越相信這些準則、

these ideas about manhood,

這些關於男子氣概的想法，

you are multiple times more likely to do this:

你就越有可能這樣做：

to have considered suicide,

考慮自殺、

to use violence against others, to harm yourself

對他人使用暴力、 以多種方式傷害自己和他人。

and to harm others in multiple ways.

These norms affect us, they cause harm.

這些準則影響我們，造成傷害。

Now I realize I'm doing in that last affirmation

我意識到在上述的斷言裏，

something that I said I wasn't going to do in this talk,

我說了一些我原本不想 在這個演講說出的話，

which is women know this.

那就是女性知道這些。

And when a man explains to women something they already know,

當一名男性向女性解釋 她們已經知道的事情時，

we have a word for that.

我們有一個詞語來形容。

I'm not going to do that.

我不會這樣做。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I'm not going to do that, OK?

我不會這樣做，好嗎？

Pull that back.

我收回。

What I do want is to get men talking about this.

我想做的是讓男人們討論這個問題。

So call this “mansplaining to men.”

所以請稱之為「男人對男人的說教」。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Thank you for that,

謝謝你們，

because I don't get a lot of men inviting me to the bar

當我談這個主題時，

when I have these conversations, so thank you.

男人通常不會邀請我去酒吧， 所以謝謝你們。

Thank you for that love.

謝謝你們的愛。

What I do often bring up with men,

我也經常與男性討論另一個問題，

and you could see why they find me kind of inconvenient to have around,

你能理解為什麼他們覺得 我有點不太好相處，

is I'll say, men, we die, on average, six years earlier than women in the US.

我會說，我們美國男性 平均比女性早死六年。

Around the rest of the world, pretty similar numbers.

在世界其他地方，數字也差不多。

Why is that?

為什麼會這樣？

Part of that's biology, we know this.

一部分原因是生物上的，這我們知道。

The female body is a better model.

女性的身體是更進化的模型。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Cheers and applause)

（歡呼聲和掌聲）

Let us acknowledge that.

讓我們承認這一點。

The vast majority of this, though, is how we live as men.

然而，絕大多部份的原因是 男性的生活方式。

What we drink, what we smoke, how we drive,

我們喝酒，吸煙，開車的方式，

the harm we put ourselves in the way of,

我們給自己的傷害、

the drugs that we take,

服用的藥物，

how we literally live as men.

我們作為男人的生活方式。

Of course it interacts with racism, with where you live, with poverty,

當然，這與種族、居住地、 貧窮也有相互作用，

but we're literally dying of manhood.

但我們確實正在死於男子氣概。

Women pick up the pieces when men die early.

當男人早逝時，女人會收拾殘局。

They are the ones who do the care, who carry on households,

她們照顧、承擔家庭責任，

who carry on in countries when men die.

在男性死亡後，繼續生活。

This affects us all.

這影響到我們所有人。

My daughter, when she was 12, 13, middle school, she said,

我女兒 12、13 歲 讀中學時，她說：

"Dad, girls are talking a lot about empowered womanhood

「爸爸，我們女生常在討論女性賦權

and how we can be in the world.

以及我們如何生活在這個世界上。

But the boys seem kind of lost.

但男孩似乎有點迷茫。

Could you come and give a talk at school about this?"

你能來學校講一講這個主題嗎？」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

So, for better or worse, I started with this example.

不管怎樣，我就從這個例子開始講。

The boys' eyes were going up,

男孩的眼睛瞪大了，

"Wait, I never thought about the fact

「等一下，我從來沒想過

that I could die on average earlier than women because of all these reasons."

平均而言，我會因為 種種原因比女性早死。」

Next day I get a letter, a note from one of the boys

第二天，我收到一封信， 是其中一個男孩寫的一張便條，

who gave it to my daughter to give to me,

他請我女兒把信轉交給我，

and I opened it up and it said, “Dear Dr. Barker,

我打開信，上面寫著： 「親愛的巴克博士，

thank you for that information.

謝謝你提供的資訊。

I never thought about how we as men are affected by these things.

我從來沒有想過， 身為男人會受到這些事情的影響。

Only now, I'm worried about dying."

現在，我很擔心死掉。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Exhales sharply)

（深呼一口氣）

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I am a developmental psychologist,

我是發展心理學家，

and I should know a little bit more

我實在不應該讓 12 歲的孩子 開始擔心自己的死亡。

than having a 12-year-old think about his own mortality.

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Trying to get some help for that myself.

為此，我自己也尋求一些幫助。

The point was, he got it.

重點是，他明白了。

And that is what we need men to think about.

這就是我們需要男性思考的問題。

This pathway is how to step into

這條途徑讓我們

how we as men are part of this conversation

作為男人，開始參與這些討論，

and how we benefit from it.

而從中獲益。

OK, risk of mansplaining here.

好吧，這裡有男性說教的嫌疑。

You know where men are having these conversations if we don't talk to them.

如果我們不和男性談這些， 你知道他們會在哪裡討論的。

Young men right now are having these conversations online.

現在的年輕人會在網路上討論。

There is an explosion of conversations about manhood online.

網路上關於男子氣概的討論激增。

Some of them are good.

其中一些都很好。

How much water to drink,

該喝多少水，

the exercise you should carry out,

我應該做哪些運動，

how can I get close to somebody I'm interested in.

怎麼接近我感興趣的人。

That’s guys trying to be their best selves.

這些人都想努力成為最好的自己。

But there’s a huge amount of it that’s fed by an industry

但很大一部分的言論來自

of misogynist and angry influencers

一群厭女且憤怒的網紅，

who are getting the attention of young men.

吸引了年輕男性的注意。

Our research finds that 40 to 50 percent of young men in the US

我們的研究發現，四成到五成的 美國年輕男性表示

say they trust one or more of those negative voices online.

他們信任網路上的一個或 多個負面言論。

Why are they going there?

他們為什麼會上網？

They are lost,

因為他們迷惘，

they are struggling, they're confused.

他們面臨困難，感到困惑。

Other data that we have,

我們掌握的其他數據顯示，

almost 50 percent of men in the US

近五成的美國男性表示

say they think about suicide frequently.

他們經常考慮自殺。

About two thirds of young men tell us that "no one really knows me."

大約三分之二的年輕人 告訴我們「沒有人真正了解我」。

What a call and a cry about loneliness in their lives.

這宣告了他們生活有多麼孤獨！

If we don't reach out, they will continue to find solace online

如果我們不伸出援手，

他們會繼續在網路上， 從我們熟知的言論中尋求安慰。

with the voices that we well know about.

For young men of color, these issues are even more acute.

對於有色人種的年輕男性， 這些問題更加嚴重。

Job uncertainties, education, systemic racism.

工作的不確定性、教育、 體制性種族主義。

One young man that we worked with in Washington, DC,

在華盛頓特區，我們與一名青年合作，

when he was part of a training activity to carry out work in schools,

他參加了一項在學校進行的培訓活動，

as we're going through the training of trainers, he said,

當我們正在進行培訓時，他說：

"Gary, these ideas of manhood that you talk about,

「加里，你談到的男性氣概的想法，

for a white guy like you, it's like the flu.

對於像你這樣的白人來說， 這像流感一樣。

For me as a Black guy, this is pneumonia."

對我這個黑人來說，這就是肺炎。」

I think that's an excellent point to think about,

我認為這個傑出觀點很值得深思，

the compassion that we have to step into

在進行這些討論時， 我們需要抱持同理心。

as we have this conversation.

And this is where I want to take the last point here.

這也是我想要講的最後一點。

We have to talk about care.

我們必須談談關懷。

Care of boys, care about boys,

對男孩的關注、關懷，

care for men,

對男性的關照，

and talk to boys and men about how they care.

也跟男孩和男性討論如何關心他人。

Let me talk a little bit more about that.

容我再多談談這一點。

One of the casualties that we face

在我剛介紹的那種男子氣概 凖則中長大的男人，

as men growing up in that version of manhood that I presented to you,

面臨的後果之一是

is that we make this thick shell around ourselves.

我們在自己周圍築起了一層厚厚的殼。

We close off our emotions,

我們封閉自己的情緒，

we close ourselves off to the human connection we need.

切斷自己需要的人際連結。

Think about what young men frequently say.

想想年輕男性經常說的話。

I would guess, I don't know that we've asked it in a survey,

我們並沒有在調查中 問過這個問題，但我猜測

but one of the most frequent things that young men say,

年輕男性最常說的一句話是：

"I don't care."

「我不在乎。」

"I don't care."

「我不在乎。」

"I don't care."

「我不在乎。」

It is our perfect shell, right?

這是我們完美的外殼，對吧？

We close ourselves behind it,

我們把自己封閉在這句話後面，

and it also says, you can't shame me,

說著，你不可能羞辱我，

you can't question me, you can't hurt me,

你無法質疑我，或傷害我，

you can't embarrass me because I don't care.

你也不能讓我難堪，因為我不在乎。

I said it thousands of times as a teenage boy.

當我還是個十幾歲的男孩時， 我就說過數千次了。

I'm sure my mother would have a bigger number.

我相信我媽媽會說不止這個數字。

And I know I've said it thousands of times as an adult man as well.

我知道成年以來， 我也已經說過數千次了。

This is the shield that we put on to close ourselves off.

這是我們用來封閉自己的盾牌。

The conversation that we need to step into with boys

我們需要與男孩進行的對話

is not about their mortality,

不是關於他們的死亡，

but it is about how we care.

而是關於我們如何在乎。

Where I start that conversation

這個對話的起點是

is to think about our superpower as humans.

了解我們作為人類的超能力。

We are the most wired-to-care species on the planet.

我們是地球上被預設最會關懷的物種。

Our neurological systems, our hormonal systems,

我們的神經系統、荷爾蒙系統

are wired to care, to nurture, to love,

被設計成會關懷、照顧、愛護、

to form attachments with others.

與他人建立情感聯繫。

But it's not automatic.

但這並非自動發生。

If you don't use it, if you close it off, if you hide,

如果你不使用這些能力， 如果你封閉、隱藏起來，

you don't get good at it.

你就無法進步。

But if you try and if you practice

但如果你嘗試、練習、學習，

and if you learn it, you do get good at it.

你就會愈來愈擅長。

Even the man who seems most cut off from the world can learn it.

即使是看似與世隔絕的人 也能學會這能力。

I take you back to my high school in 1977.

回到 1977 年我的高中，

The boy who killed the other.

那個殺死對方的男孩。

I didn't tell you this part, but I knew him.

我剛沒講，但我認識他。

Took me years to say I didn't know him well

花了幾年的時間， 我才敢說我不太了解他，

because I didn't want to know him well.

因為我不想了解他。

He got detention, he bullied, he got detention again,

他被罰留校，霸淩別人， 再次被罰留校，

he didn't do well in school, he got sent away.

他在學校表現不好，於是被送走。

No one, apparently, reached out to him.

顯然沒有人向他伸出援手。

Think about what we often do when boys or men cause harm.

想想看，當男孩或男性 造成傷害時，我們通常如何處理。

If you're young,

如果你還小，

we give you a time out.

會讓你暫停活動。

Get a little bit older, we give you a detention.

稍微長大一點，你會留校察看。

You step into the workplace,

進入職場，

you do harm, we fire you.

你傷害別人，我們解雇你。

You do something else, we incarcerate you.

又犯了其他錯，你就被監禁。

These acts are often necessary to reduce harm,

這些行為通常是減少傷害所必需的，

but they cut men off from the connection and humanity that we need,

但是這切斷了男性所需的 連結和人性互動，

even when men have caused harm.

即使他們造成了傷害。

I am not, in saying this,

我這麼說，

並不是認定或相信我們應該給予 任何男性對他造成的傷害免責權。

I'm not affirming or believing that we should give any man a free walk

for harm that is caused.

We must hold men accountable for harm caused.

我們必須追究男性 對所造成傷害的責任。

No question about that.

毫無疑問。

We must call out with deep compassion when men do cause harm.

當男性造成傷害時，我們必須 帶著深切關懷，大聲說出來。

We've also got to call in

我們還必須呼籲彼此

to being connected, caring humans.

成為相互連結、關懷的人。

This is not instead of,

這不是要取代，

and I think this is very important to end on,

我認為最後這點非常重要，

this is not instead of the unfinished journey for full equality,

這不是要取代全球 每位女性和女孩應得的

respect and rights that every woman and girl on the planet deserves.

完全平等、尊重和權利的未完成大業。

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

This is an "and" conversation.

這是個兩者並進的討論。

We must continue that journey and we must talk about manhood.

我們必須繼續這項志業， 我們也必須討論男子氣概。

And I also believe that it is this conversation about pulling men into care

我也相信，正是這樣關懷男性的討論，

that we get them to be allies for gender equality.

會讓男性成為性別平等的盟友。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

My final point would be this:

我最後想說：

look at the face of any three-year-old boy on the planet.

看看任何一個三歲男孩的臉。

He was not born into the world to be angry, aggressive,

他並不是生下來就是憤怒、好鬥、

to follow dark threads down the internet.

會去追隨網路上的黑暗話題。

He comes into the world ready to be loved and to learn how to love.

他來到這個世界是為了被愛和學會愛。

Take him, talk to him, teach him every day: I care.

帶領他，與他談話， 每天教他：我在乎。

Thank you.

謝謝你們。

(Applause)

（掌聲）