Where Does Your Sense of Self Come From? A Scientific Look | Anil Ananthaswamy | TED

譯者: 穎君 紀 審譯者: Helen Chang

About a decade ago,

大概十年前，

I met someone who had experienced a few episodes of schizophrenia.

我遇到經歷過幾次精神分裂的人，

They had felt that their sense of self,

他們感覺到自我的概念，

of what it feels like to be them,

也就是他們當自己時的感覺，

changing somewhat.

好像變了。

The boundaries of their body began to feel a bit nebulous.

形塑他們身體的界線逐漸模糊，

Even their psychological self felt a bit porous at times.

就連他們的心理自我都破洞百出。

They were experiencing what could be called an altered sense of self.

他們經歷的這種感覺 叫做「自我的變體」。

Over the years, I met many such brave and insightful people

這些年來，我遇見許多 勇敢又具有洞見的人們

who shared what it's like to live with their altered selves.

分享活在自我的變體之中 是什麼感覺。

And by "altered," I mean "different,"

變體（altered）在這裡指「不同」

not "deficient,"

而不是「有缺陷」，

while acknowledging that coping with altered selves

不過我承認，應對自我的變體

can be a struggle at times.

有時確實很困難。

So speaking with them,

跟這些人，

and with theologians, philosophers, neuroscientists,

及跟神學家、哲學家、 神經科學家對談時，

I came to understand that this self that each one of us takes oneself to be

我逐漸了解每個人 用自己演繹出來的這個「自己」

is not as real as it seems.

並沒有那麼真實。

The self is a slippery subject.

「自我」是個很棘手的主題。

We all intuitively know what it means.

我們都直覺性地知道它的意思，

It’s there when we wake up.

醒來時就出現，

It disappears when we fall asleep.

入眠時就消失，

It reappears in our dreams.

做夢時又出現，

It's what makes us who we are.

是讓我們成為自己的原因。

It seems solid, unchanging, permanent.

它看似具體、不變且永恆。

And yet, we can examine aspects of the self

然而我們可以檢視看看 自我中我們認為比較真實的部分，

that seem real to us,

and ask, “Just how real are they?”

質問「它們有多真實？」

Take, for instance, the question "Who am I?"

比如說，問「我是誰？」時，

The most likely answer you will get or give to such a question

你會得到的答案最可能是

will be in the form of a story.

以一則故事呈現。

We tell others -- and indeed, ourselves -- stories about who we are.

我們會向別人、自己 說我們是個怎樣的人，

We take our stories to be sacrosanct.

我們都認為自己的故事不容挑戰。

We are our stories.

我們就是我們的故事。

But a condition that most of us, sadly, will be familiar with --

但有種眾所周知—非常遺憾—的狀況：

Alzheimer's disease --

阿茲海默症，

tells us something quite different.

可不認同這個說法。

Alzheimer's begins by affecting short-term memory.

阿茲海默症首先影響短期記憶。

Think about what that does to someone's story.

想想這會怎樣影響一個人的故事。

In order for our stories to form, to grow,

要讓我們的故事產生、成長，

something that just happens to us has to first enter short-term memory,

在生活中發生的事情 必須先進入短期記憶，

and then, get incorporated

才能融入所謂的「長期情節記憶」。

into what's called long-term episodic memory.

It has to become an episode in our narrative.

它必須成為敘事中的其中一個情節。

But what if the experience doesn't even enter short-term memory?

那，要是經驗根本 無法進入短期記憶的話？

That's exactly what Alzheimer's does.

這就是阿茲海默症帶來的影響。

In the beginning,

起初

Alzheimer's impairs the formation of short-term memory.

阿茲海默症破壞短期記憶形成，

It impairs the growth of the narrative.

阻礙敘事的形成，

It's as if our stories begin stalling upon the onset of the disease.

就像從罹患阿茲海默症的那刻起 故事就停滯不前一般。

Eventually, Alzheimer's eats away at all the long-term memories.

最後，阿茲海默症漸漸地 將長期記憶侵蝕殆盡。

So if you were to meet someone with mid-stage Alzheimer's,

所以如果你見到阿茲海默症中期患者，

they will likely be able to tell you stories about who they are.

他們還能告訴你他們是誰的故事，

But if you know their real stories,

但若你知道他們的真實故事，

you'll be able to tell that they sometimes scramble up their narrative,

你就會發現他們的故事有時會亂成一團，

that they sometimes mix up the sequence of episodes from their lives.

有時會有一些人生中的事件時序錯亂。

It's as if they are recalling their own stories

可以說，他們確實在回想自己的故事， 但並不那麼精確。

in ways that are not quite accurate.

It's important, at this stage,

在這個階段重要的

to realize that there is still a person experiencing that scrambled narrative.

是認知到確實有一個人 在經歷這些亂七八糟的敘事。

Sadly, Alzheimer's goes on to destroy one's narrative,

很遺憾的，阿茲海默症仍會繼續 破壞他人的故事，和其他事物。

and so much more.

And towards the end,

到了末期，

it's unclear whether there is still someone experiencing something,

我們已經不知道那個人 還有沒有在經歷事情了，

because the person cannot communicate verbally anymore.

因為他已經無法用言語溝通。

And yet,

但阿茲海默症告訴我們， 這些訴說我們是誰的故事，

Alzheimer's tells us that these stories that we take ourselves to be,

what philosophers call the “narrative self,”

哲學家稱之為「敘事自我」，

these are spun by the brain and body.

由大腦和身體交織而成，

They are constructions.

是建構出來的。

Sometimes, the constructions are disrupted, even destroyed.

有時建構可能會遭到阻擾，甚至破壞，

And while that is horrific for the person experiencing it,

即使對經歷這些的本人

and for their caregivers,

和照顧者們都相當恐怖，

it is nonetheless a window

這也是一次機會，讓我們能 了解敘事自我的建構特質。

onto the constructed nature of our narrative self.

And when the construction goes wrong,

當建構過程出現差錯，

we perceive our own stories in ways that are not quite real.

我們就會對以不太真實的觀點 看待我們的故事。

From the narrative self, let's talk about our body.

敘事自我講完了， 就來講我們的身體吧。

Let's take a very basic aspect of our bodily self.

我們來看看最基本的身體自我，

This feeling we all have,

我們都理所當然地認為

that we are owners of our body and body parts,

我們主宰自己的身體各個部位，

that our bodies and body parts belong to us.

它們通通都屬於自己，

It seems such a strange thing to think that it could even be otherwise.

如果不這麼覺得的話就太奇怪了。

If I were to ask you, "Does your hand belong to you?"

如果我問你「你的雙手屬於你嗎？」

you're going to say, "Of course it does. What a foolish question."

你會說「當然啊，這什麼蠢問題。」

But not everyone would agree.

但並非每個人都認同。

Early on in my research,

在我的研究初期，

a neuropsychologist alerted me to a condition called xenomelia,

有位神經心理學家跟我提到 「身體完整性認同障礙症」

or foreign limb syndrome.

又叫做「外肢症」。

You may have heard of something called phantom limb syndrome,

你們可能聽過「幻肢症」

in which people who have had an amputation

它會讓截肢過的病患，

feel the presence of that limb, sometimes.

覺得被截下的部分還在。

Xenomelia is somewhat of an opposite condition,

「外肢症」則和幻肢症的情況相反，

where people feel like some part of their body --

外肢症患者覺得他們身體的有些部分—

usually the extremities, their hands or legs --

大多是他們的四肢，也就是手或腳—

don't belong to them.

不屬於他們。

So this neuropsychologist talked of phantom limb syndrome

這位神經科學家則說，幻肢症是種

as animation without incarnation.

有活動的感覺，卻沒有活動媒介的病。

So the limb is gone, it's not incarnate anymore,

肢體已被切去，已經失去實體，

but it's animated in your mind.

但在認知裡還能動作。

And he talked of xenomelia as incarnation without animation.

而外肢症則是有活動媒介， 卻沒有活動感的病。

So the limb is present, healthy even, incarnate,

四肢通通健在，具有實體，

and yet, in your own mind, it feels like it doesn't belong to you.

但在你的認知裡， 它們似乎都不屬於你。

So in xenomelia,

所以在外肢症這個情況，

the brain and bodily processes

讓我們擁有對軀體四肢的所有權的 那些大腦和身體的程序

that give rise to our sense of ownership of our body parts,

they're misfiring, so to speak,

可說是不太正常地運行，

and the consequences can be serious.

且運行不正常的後果可能非常嚴重。

People with xenomelia will sometimes take extreme measures

外肢症患者有時會用很極端的手段

to get rid of, to amputate their foreign-seeming body parts.

來去除、截下他們覺得 不屬於自己的肢體部位。

From the perspective of the self, though,

從自我的觀點來看，

xenomelia is telling us something very profound.

外肢症告訴我們的訊息非常意義深遠，

It's telling us that something as basic

它告訴我們最基本的事情，

as the sense of ownership of our own body parts

擁有自己的軀體的感覺

is a construction.

是建構出來的。

And sometimes, the construction goes wrong,

有時，建構可能出錯，

and we perceive our own bodies in ways that are not quite real.

導致我們用不太真實的看法 看待我們的軀體。

Let's take another aspect of our bodily self.

換個角度看看我們軀體方面的自我吧。

It's called the sense of agency.

它叫做「主導感」。

So when I do something like pick up a cup,

我拿起一個杯子時，

I have this implicit feeling that I am the agent of that action,

我內在會有種感覺， 感覺自己是動作的主角，

that I have willed that action into existence.

感覺是自己讓動作成真。

That feeling is the sense of agency.

那種感覺就是主導感。

But someone with schizophrenia may not have that feeling, always.

但精神分裂患者就不一定 每時每刻都有這種感覺。

Someone with schizophrenia

精神分裂患者

might do something and not feel like they are the agent of that action.

會做出一些事情，但做的時候 不覺得他們是主導動作的人，

So schizophrenia tells us

精神分裂症告訴我們，

that it is possible to be someone who does something

一個人可以做某事

but doesn't have an accompanying sense of agency.

但沒有伴隨的主體感。

So just like the narrative self and the sense of ownership of body parts,

就像是敘事自我，和肢體所有感，

the sense of agency is also a construction,

主導感也是一種建構，

and it, too, can fail.

且同樣地，也可能會運作不正常。

So you can see where this is going.

你就能看出這其中的邏輯。

Let me take one more example to drive home this point.

再舉一個例子把這點講得更清楚。

Let's talk of what it feels to be a body here and now.

來談談此時此刻活在一副身體裡 是什麼感覺吧。

Not the feeling of being a story,

不是活成故事的樣子，

but the feeling of being a body in the present moment.

而是當下作為一副身軀的感覺。

Psychologists estimate

心理學家估計

that about five percent of the general population

約 5% 的人口

will, at some point in their lives, have an out-of-body experience.

在人生中會有靈魂出竅的體驗。

Let's assume that all of us right now are having an in-body experience.

我們假設每個在場的人 現在靈魂都還在身體裡。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But what that means is having this feeling of being in a body,

但靈魂在身體裡的感覺是指， 覺得自己在一副軀體裡面，

being anchored to a body,

固定在一副身體中，

occupying a certain volume of space

佔據一定空間，

and looking at the world from behind our eyes.

並以雙眼看見這世界。

But if you are having an out-of-body experience,

但如果你體驗到靈魂出竅，

you could possibly be feeling that you're up near the ceiling,

你會感覺自己十分貼近天花板，

looking down at your own body sitting in the chair below.

從高處俯視你那副坐在椅子上的軀體。

People do report such experiences,

真的有人有過這種經歷，

and mild versions of this have been replicated in labs.

輕量級版本的靈魂出竅 已經在實驗室中重現出來了。

But if you think, like I do,

但如果你跟我想得一樣，

that out-of-body experiences are the outcome of brain processes

都覺得靈魂出竅是大腦運作不正常，

that are misfiring,

then it stands to reason that the experience of being in-body,

那麽覺得自己在身體裡面，

of being embodied,

有形體的感覺，

is itself a construction,

本身就是一種建構，

and that, too, can come apart.

也可能崩塌。

So what are these experiences of altered selves telling us?

那麼，這些關於自我變體的經驗 告訴我們什麼？

They're telling us

它們告訴我們，

that just about everything we take to be real

我們覺得理所當然是真實的， 所有關於我們的事物—

about ourselves --

"real" in the sense that we think we are always experiencing

「真實」在我們覺得我們一直在經歷

undeniable truths about our bodies, our stories --

對身體、自己的故事無需懷疑的事實—

well, that's just not the case.

其實不然。

So when theologians and philosophers tell us that the self is an illusion,

神學家和哲學家告訴我們 自我是種幻覺時，

this is partly what they mean.

這只是他們解讀中的一部分。

You may have realized by now that there still remains the question

現在你可能了解到問題還是存在，

of who or what is doing the experiencing,

關於誰或什麼在經歷一切，

even in the case of altered selves.

在自我變體的情況也亦然。

This experiencing “I” in the question “Who am I?”

在「我是誰？」這問題裡的「我」

is at the heart of the debate about the self.

就是關於自我的辯論中心。

This experiencing “I” doesn’t go away

這正在經歷事物的「我」不會輕易消失

if one or a few aspects of the self are disrupted.

在自我的一個或一些方面遭到破壞時。

But what if all of the aspects of the self that comprise us

但要是組成自我的所有方面的自我意識

were to be disrupted?

通通遭到破壞的話呢？

Would the experiencing “I” disappear?

那個經歷者「我」會消失嗎？

We don't have a satisfactory answer to that question, yet.

我們還沒找到一個令人滿意的答案。

It’s possible that the experiencing “I” is also an illusion,

有可能經歷者「我」也是一種幻覺，

in the sense of being a construction,

也是種建構，

a construction without a constructor.

一個沒有建構者的建構。

That debate, however, is somewhat unresolved.

然而這個爭議還是沒有定論。

Despite such doubts, I, personally -- whatever I am --

雖然我還是有點懷疑， 但我，無論我是什麼，

think that the self has no reality outside of the brain and body.

覺得自我沒了身體和大腦就不成立。

I think that the experiencing “I” will not persist after the body is gone.

我覺得經歷者「我」 在身體消逝之後就不復存在。

So what does one make of such knowledge?

知道了這件事，那然後呢？

Well, firstly, these ideas will feel liberating to some

第一，這想法應該會讓某些人輕鬆些，

and might sit heavily upon others.

也會讓某些人壓力更大。

Regardless, I think we can all attend to the stories that we think we are.

但無論如何，我們都可以 關心自己的故事。

Our feelings and emotions are modulated by our stories,

我們的故事調節我們的感覺和情緒，

and in turn, our feelings and emotions become part of our stories.

感覺和情緒也反過來 融入我們故事的一部份。

And our stories, our narratives, are not just cognitive --

我們的故事，我們的敘事，不只是認知，

they live in our bodies,

它活在我們的身體內，

and our bodies structure and shape our stories.

我們的身體也建構、形塑我們的故事。

So knowing all this,

了解這些，

recognizing the constructive nature of it all,

認識到它們建構的特性，

maybe we can hold on less tightly to our stories.

或許我們能不那麼執著於自己的故事，

Maybe we can learn to let go.

學習放手。

But that's easier said than done,

但這還是知易行難，

because the thing that is doing the letting go

因為放開那些故事的東西，

is also the thing that has to be let go of.

正是我們要放手的東西。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Maybe we can just marvel at the efforts of people over millennia,

我們或許只需對幾千年來 人們的努力驚嘆，

from the Buddha sitting under the Bodhi tree

從坐在皮提樹下的釋迦牟尼，

to the modern philosopher and neuroscientist

到現代的哲學家和神經科學家，

who has asked themselves the question "Who am I?"

那些捫心自問「我是誰？」的人。

But most of all,

但最重要的是，

I think we owe a debt to those amongst us

我覺得我們欠我們之中

who bravely bear witness to our altered selves --

那些勇敢地證實自我變體的人，

whether we do so voluntarily,

不論是自願性經歷的人，

like monks and nuns do when they meditate,

如冥想時的和尚、尼姑，

or whether it's brought upon us by biology and circumstance.

或受生物學或週遭 環境因素影響的人們。

There is something remarkably robust

建立自我意識的過程中 有很堅實的部分，

about the processes that give rise to the totality of our sense of self.

它讓我們有更完整的自我意識；

But there's something frighteningly fragile about them too.

也有很脆弱的一面，

They can crack.

可能會崩解。

And any one of us, at any time in our lives,

我們所有人，在每一刻，

may have to confront such cracks.

都可能要面對這樣的崩解，

And that knowledge, I believe, should make us empathetic

了解這件事實，我相信 能讓我們更能同理

towards those of us dealing with altered selves.

那些正在面對自我變體的人們。

But I also believe that altered selves

我也相信自我變體

should not be seen as the outcome of deficits,

不該被視為缺陷的後果，

or as the outcome of a lack of attributes considered normal.

或少了某些普遍屬性的後果。

They are different ways of being,

他們只是不同的存在方式，

and it's the willingness of some of us to confront the self's constructed nature

正因為有些人願意 面對自我的建構特質，

that is helping make sense of the self for all of us.

我們才能更加了解我們的自我意識。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

Thank you.

謝謝。