The Likability Dilemma for Women Leaders | Robin Hauser | TED

翻译人员: Ye Lu 校对人员: Yan Li Xiao

I’m a middle child, and I was born leaning in.

我是中间的孩子，我天生就好胜。

For as long as I can remember,

从我能记事开始，

I've had this insatiable desire to compete, to accomplish

我就梦寐以求地渴望 参与竞争完成自我超越

and to prove myself.

和提升自我。

My energy isn’t easily contained,

我是一个精力充沛的人，

and I've been called by both men and women

无论男女老少都说我

intense, high-octane,

热情似火活力四射，

aggressive.

上进心强。

These words don't feel like compliments to me.

这些话我听起来有些逆耳。

I try to control my eagerness.

我尝试着控制自己的冲动。

I try to be softer.

也尝试着让自己温柔些。

It's exhausting.

这样做可有些累啊。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

The truth is, this tough shell conceals sensitivities and insecurities

而事实是在我坚硬的外壳中 隐藏着敏感与不安，

that only those closest to me know.

这当然只有最亲近我的人才知道。

And yeah, my masculine traits make me the kind of gal

是的男性气质让我成为了女汉子，

that can hang with the guys,

我能够与小伙伴们打成一片，

as long as I'm not their boss.

条件是只要我不当他们的老板。

Last winter, I was walking through a ski resort

去年冬天我在滑雪场上，

and a man came up to me and said,

然后一位先生过来对我说，

"Excuse me, are you with a husband or a fiancée?"

“请问你丈夫或未婚夫 和你一起来的吗？”

"No," I said, and I continued toward the lifts.

“不是” 我说完了就继续往前走。

And then curiosity got the better of me.

然而好奇心这时突然占了上风。

And I turned around and asked the guy why he wanted to know if I was with a man.

于是我掉头问这位先生为什么 他想知道我有没有男伴。

"I'm selling timeshares. It's a real estate thing."

“我在销售分时度假。 这是房地产。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

"And you don't sell to women?"

“你没有对女士推销过吧？”

"Oh, are you interested?"

“噢你有兴趣？”

"No."

“没有。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

"But you do know women carry checkbooks, too?"

“但你是否知道女士也带支票簿？”

And at that, he looked at me and said, "Wow, lady, you're tough."

那时间他注视着我说， “女士你很牛。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Modern day sexism is different than it was in the past

现代社会对性别歧视与以往不同，

when a blatant comment about a woman's physique

当女性的体型可以被公开评论，

or a chummy pat on the derriere was tolerated, maybe even accepted.

或容忍甚至接受他人 轻佻地拍打女性臀部。

Today's sexism can be more subtle.

如今社会性别歧视变得更微妙了。

Little nuances that might seem like no big deal to some,

这些细微差别对 一些人来说无关紧要，

but their impact can have the effect of a thousand cuts.

但它造成的影响却会伤及无数女性。

That day at the ski resort resulted in more than just another microabrasion.

那天在滑雪场所发生的 不仅仅只是一件微事件。

It sparked a curiosity in me about perceptions that we have

它也大大激发了我的好奇心，

for women versus men.

我们对男性与女性究竟 有着怎么样的认识。

I wanted to know why do we perceive women differently when we assert ourselves.

我想知道女性坚持自己的主张时， 别人为什么不认同呢？

So I did a little research and I came across something,

于是我做了小小的研究， 发现了这样的现象，

just to make sure this wasn't all on my mind,

女性常常会陷入能力 与亲和力两难之地。

called the competence/likability dilemma,

这一点并不是我独自的看法，

where women, unlike men,

女性不像男性，

are rarely perceived to be both competent and likable.

不容易做到既有能力又有亲和力。

Now we should take a moment to define the word "likable."

我们现在给“亲和力”做个定义。

Merriam-Webster says "likeable" is:

韦氏词典对“亲和力”的解释是：

"having qualities that bring about a favorable regard,

能给他人带来友好， 愉悦和讨人欢喜的

pleasant or agreeable."

良好的品质。

The Urban Dictionary says:

城市词典认为：

"likeable, an adjective meaning pleasant or attractive.

亲和，形容词， 意为愉快或有吸引力。

It describes something that is easy to like."

它是用来描述一些容易 让人喜欢人或物的。

The sad truth is, most of us don't find strong, competent women easy to like.

而真相很残酷，很多人感觉 强势有能力的女性难以亲近。

In 2003, Professor Flynn at Columbia Business School

2003 年，哥伦比亚商学院弗林教授

conducted an experiment.

进行了一项试验。

He took a case study about Heidi Roizen,

他对海蒂·罗伊森 （Heidi Roizen） 的案例进行了研究，

a successful female venture capitalist,

海蒂是一位成功的女性风险投资家，

and he changed the name to Howard Roizen.

弗林教授把她改名为霍华德·罗森。

Everything else about the case study remained the same.

案例中的其余部分保持不变。

He gave half of his class the Heidi Roizen case study

他让一部分学生研究海蒂·罗伊森，

and the other half the Howard Roizen case study.

而另一部分学生则研究霍华德·罗森。

And he asked the students to rate

他要求学生给海蒂和霍华德打分，

how competent and how likable Heidi and Howard were.

在能力和亲和力 这两方面各自得分多少。

Both female and male students found Heidi and Howard to be equally competent.

男女学生在能力方面给海蒂 和霍华德的评分相等。

But the students tended not to like Heidi.

但是学生们似乎并不喜欢海蒂。

They thought that she was a little too aggressive and out for herself.

他们认为她有些咄咄逼人 自主意识强烈。

Neither female nor male students wanted to work for or hire Heidi,

女同学或男同学 都不想为海蒂工作或聘用她，

but they all thought Howard would make a great colleague.

然而他们都认为霍华德 会是个很好相处的同事。

Why?

为什么呢？

Because in our society, women are penalized

因为在我们的社会 对待女性并不公正，

when we behave in ways that violate gender norms.

特别是当女性的行为 违反了性别规则的时候。

Our gender stereotypes show that women should be kind, nurturing,

老一套思维模式 对女性的定义是：善良，

helpful, supportive, deferential,

知书达理，助人为乐， 甘当配角，齐眉举案，

while traditionally men are expected to be decisive, competent,

而传统理念对男性的要求则是

assertive and strong.

果断，胜任，坚定，坚强。

So the dilemma for women

因此女性面临的困境

is that the qualities which we value in leadership,

是领导力所注重的品质，

such as assertiveness and decisiveness,

比如自信和果断，

go against societal norms of what it is to be a likable woman.

却与社会对女性具有 亲和力的要求背道而驰。

I'm a documentary filmmaker, so I'm nothing if not curious.

我是纪录片制作人， 所以我必须要好奇。

But I've learned that being inquisitive is not an admired female trait.

但我明白好奇心并不是 女性能引以为豪的特性。

I was at a cocktail party last week,

上周我参加了一个鸡尾酒会，

and I asked a man what line of business he was in.

我问身边的一位 男士他从事哪个行业。

“Fintech,” he said.

他说：“金融科技”。

Curious. I dug a little deeper.

我有点好奇想多知道一些，于是问道

"Oh, what type?"

“噢 哪种类型？”

"It's complicated."

“三言两语说不清。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

End of discussion.

我们就这样结束了对话。

OK. Now it's possible that he wanted to spare me some long explanation,

好吧或许他怕我麻烦 就省去了更多的解释，

but it's more likely that his bias, implicit or not,

但他是否意识到 这更可能是自己的偏见，

informed him that as a woman I wouldn't understand finance.

这一偏见使他认为女人 是不明白金融的。

Either way, I'm fairly certain he wouldn't have said "it's complicated"

换句话说如果我是男性的话，

had I been a man.

他肯定不会说“三言两语说不清”了。

I absorb the sting of one more cut.

于是我接受另一次的伤害。

Most of us are not aware of why we don't find strong women likable.

许多人不明白为什么 自己不喜欢女强人。

There's just something about her that bugs us.

是有些事实会让大家误解女强人。

But deep inside, at the root of this is an unconscious bias.

但更重要的是在心底深处 无意识根植着一种偏见。

Bias is a survival heuristic that we inherited from our ancestors.

偏见是人类祖传的一种对生存的探索。

The problem is, it's unconscious.

但问题是它是无意识的存在。

And as humans, we don't have the ability to recognize when we're being biased,

作为人类没有能力意识 到自己存在的偏见，

even if we can see it in other people.

那怕我们清晰地看到了 别人确实有偏见。

We all, most of us, anyway, believe ourselves to be fair,

大多数人都认为自己肯定是公平的，

open-minded and unbiased.

是开明的是没有偏见的。

And yet, I will admit, I too found Hillary's voice to be shrill.

但是我得承认我也感觉 希拉里的声音很尖锐。

As long as society continues to associate leadership with masculine traits,

只要社会坚持把 领导力认同于男性特征，

female leaders will be judged more harshly,

女性领导者就会 受到更为尖锐的评价，

even when they outperform male counterparts.

即使她们的表现比男性更优秀。

So it's no wonder that in the United States,

所以我们也不必对 美国的现状感到奇怪，

female politicians suffer greatly,

女性政治家往往失去选票因为大家

as our elections tend to value likability over competency.

更多地关注她们的 亲和力而不是能力。

Women hold only 25 percent of the seats in Congress.

女性在国会 只获得了 25% 的席位。

The competence/likability dilemma has huge consequences,

能力/亲和力所造成的 困境产生巨大后果，

not just in politics,

不仅仅是在政治方面，

but also in education and in the workplace,

在教育和职场方面也同样存在，

where studies show that women in meetings with both genders

研究表明当两性遇见时，

are less likely to contribute knowledge.

女性不喜欢表现自己的知识面。

As women we're told to lean in,

作为女性我们被教育 应该做到小鸟依人，

and yet there's backlash when we do.

而我们真的这样做了 却发现根本没人可依靠。

A recent study shows that women

最近的一项研究表明

are not as good as men at negotiating for themselves.

女性在为自己争取 权益方面往往不如男性。

And yet, women outperform men

然而她们如果代表别人的话，

when they negotiate on behalf of someone else.

她们往往就能比男性表现更出色。

This is because women who negotiate for themselves

这是因为女性觉得 如果她们为自己发声的话，

are perceived as selfish,

往往会被他人理解为自私，

and women who negotiate on behalf of someone else

而女性为他人代言，

are perceived to be helpful.

则可以理解为专门助人。

And a helpful woman might be liked more than a woman who is assertive,

女性乐于助人往往 比果断更讨人喜欢，

but the helpful woman will not be recognized

但是乐于助人的女性也不被认为

as having what it takes to be a successful leader.

会是一个成功的领导人。

Last week I was quoting my speaker fee to a potential client,

上周我与一位潜在的 客户聊起了我的演讲费，

and when I told him the price, he said to me,

他听完之后跟我说说，

"Wow. Good for you. That's a lot.

哇，太好了，好多啊。

Isn't documentary filmmaking kind of, like, your hobby?"

不过那个记录片制片 只是你的爱好吗？”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Ouch.

哇。

As humans, we're limited to what we can do to mitigate our biases.

如何减少自己的偏见？ 对此我们能做的很少。

So even if we were able to, say, implement a tool

即使我们使用某种实用评价工具

that would bring more women into upper management,

来帮助女性进入更高一级的管理层，

it's highly likely that we would still evaluate the performance of those women

但是我们依然会带着偏见，

with biased perceptions.

评价女性的职场表现。

Clearly, leadership and likability should not be mutually exclusive

显然无论是女性或是男性

for women or for men.

都不应该互相排斥领导力和亲和力。

So how do we solve for this dilemma?

那么我们该如何解决这一困境呢？

I wish I could offer you a cure to unconscious bias.

我希望能给你提供解决 无意识偏见的方法。

I don't believe there is one.

然我并不相信有这种方法。

But we need to disrupt stereotypes

但是我们需要打破陈旧的观念

and redefine what it is to be a leader and a woman.

并重新定义领导者和女性。

Obviously, this is a long-term solution that could take generations,

显然这是一个长时间的 过程或许会经历几代人，

but it's a vital step.

但它是一个至关重要的步骤。

We need to speak up.

我们需要大声说出自己的想法。

Speak up when you witness gender bias.

当你遇见性别歧视时 就大声地说出来。

Question comments that are made

对评论女性的相貌和个性，

about a woman's appearance or personality rather than her skills or ability.

而不是技能与能力的评价进行质疑。

And we need to slow down.

我们需要放慢自己的脚步。

Question yourself. Reconsider your snap judgments.

扪心自问重新审视自己的仓促判断。

Ask yourself, does that woman bug me for reasons that really matter?

自问有没有真正重要的 理由让我误解了女性呢？

And forget about likability,

如果可以的话，

ladies, women, if you can.

就把女性还有亲和力先放到一边去吧。

Instead focus on being awesome.

集中精力做一个很棒的人。

Be a smart, compassionate, effective leader

做一个聪明的有同情心 的高效率的领导者，

that will redefine the stereotype of what a female leader is.

让他人重新定义对女性领导者 所持有的陈腐观念。

I've wasted a lot of time worrying about how I am perceived.

我过去总是花时间 琢磨别人会怎么看我。

If I ask a lot of questions, will you find me combative?

如果我多问几个问题 你会不会觉得我好胜？

If I tell you about an accomplishment I'm proud of,

如果我告诉你我感到很自豪的话，

you might think I'm conceited.

你是不是觉得我很自大？

But I need and seek the approval and recognition

但是我需要从家人朋友和同事那里

of my family, of my friends and of my colleagues.

寻求认同与赞扬。

Like many of you, I want to be liked,

就像你们一样， 我也愿意被大家喜欢，

and I'm hopeful for the day when women can be recognized

我希望总有一天女性会被认同，

as being competent and likable,

女性是有能力有亲和力的。

a day when we value each other regardless of gender,

总有一天我们不分性别珍惜彼此，

for the unique contributions that we each bring to the table.

因为我们为社会做出了卓越的贡献。

That would be the day that I won't have to worry about being liked.

到了那一天我 再也不会因为性别而焦虑了。

I can just be me.

因为我可以做我自己。

Thank you.

谢谢。

(Applause)

（掌声）