The Likability Dilemma for Women Leaders | Robin Hauser | TED

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: SF Huang

I’m a middle child, and I was born leaning in.

我是家中年紀排中間的孩子， 天生就勇於抓住機會表現。

For as long as I can remember,

從我有記憶以來， 我就永遠無法滿足似地

I've had this insatiable desire to compete, to accomplish

想要競爭、有所成、

and to prove myself.

證明自己。

My energy isn’t easily contained,

我的能量是很難遏制的，

男性和女性都會說我

and I've been called by both men and women

intense, high-octane,

情緒強烈、精力旺盛、

aggressive.

爭強好鬥。

These words don't feel like compliments to me.

我不覺得這些詞是在讚美我。

I try to control my eagerness.

我試著控制我的渴望。

I try to be softer.

我試著讓自己軟一點。

It's exhausting.

累死我了。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

The truth is, this tough shell conceals sensitivities and insecurities

事實是，這堅強的外表底下 藏著敏感情緒和不安全感，

that only those closest to me know.

只有和我最親的人才知道。

And yeah, my masculine traits make me the kind of gal

且，是的，我的陽剛特質 讓我能跟男生混在一起，

that can hang with the guys,

只要我不是他們的老闆就行。

as long as I'm not their boss.

去年冬天，我在滑雪勝地中行走時，

Last winter, I was walking through a ski resort

and a man came up to me and said,

一名男子走向我問道：「打擾一下，

"Excuse me, are you with a husband or a fiancée?"

你是跟丈夫或未婚夫來的嗎？」

"No," I said, and I continued toward the lifts.

「不是，」

說完我便繼續向纜車前進，

And then curiosity got the better of me.

接著，好奇心戰勝了我，我便

And I turned around and asked the guy why he wanted to know if I was with a man.

轉身問那名男子，為什麼 他想要知道我有沒有男伴。

"I'm selling timeshares. It's a real estate thing."

「我是賣分時度假房的。 那是房地產的東西。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

"And you don't sell to women?"

「那你不賣給女性嗎？」

"Oh, are you interested?"

「喔，你有興趣嗎？」

"No."

「沒。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

"But you do know women carry checkbooks, too?"

「但你知道女性也會帶支票簿吧？」

And at that, he looked at me and said, "Wow, lady, you're tough."

我說完後，他看著我說：

「哇，女士，你好悍。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Modern day sexism is different than it was in the past

現代的性別歧視已經和過去不同了，

when a blatant comment about a woman's physique

以前，對女性的體態做露骨的評述

or a chummy pat on the derriere was tolerated, maybe even accepted.

或者親密地輕拍臀部是會被容忍的，

甚至能被接受。

Today's sexism can be more subtle.

現今的性別歧視更隱晦。

Little nuances that might seem like no big deal to some,

某些人覺得沒什麼 大不了的細微差別，

but their impact can have the effect of a thousand cuts.

卻可能有千刀萬剮的效果。

That day at the ski resort resulted in more than just another microabrasion.

滑雪勝地那天

造成的結果遠不只是微小的擦傷。

It sparked a curiosity in me about perceptions that we have

它也誘發了我的好奇， 想知道我們怎麼看待

for women versus men.

女性相對於男性。

I wanted to know why do we perceive women differently when we assert ourselves.

我想知道為什麼當我們女性 在悍衛自我的時候，

有人就會對女性另眼相待。

So I did a little research and I came across something,

於是我去做研究 以確保不是我在亂想，

just to make sure this wasn't all on my mind,

而我偶然發現了一樣東西，

called the competence/likability dilemma,

叫做能力／討喜程度的兩難，

where women, unlike men,

和男性不同，

are rarely perceived to be both competent and likable.

女性很少被認為既有能力又討喜。

Now we should take a moment to define the word "likable."

我們先花點時間 來定義「討喜」這個詞。

Merriam-Webster says "likeable" is:

韋氏字典說，

"having qualities that bring about a favorable regard,

「討喜」是具有一些特質 能讓別人讚同或喜歡。

pleasant or agreeable."

同義詞：讓人愉悅、令人愉快。

The Urban Dictionary says:

都市詞典說：

"likeable, an adjective meaning pleasant or attractive.

「討喜，形容詞，意思是 讓人愉悅或有吸引力。

It describes something that is easy to like."

用來描述很容易 就會喜歡上的東西。」

The sad truth is, most of us don't find strong, competent women easy to like.

感傷的事實是，大部分人 不認為有能力的女強人

是很容易喜歡上的。

In 2003, Professor Flynn at Columbia Business School

哥倫比亞大學商學院的佛林教授 在 2003 年做了一項實驗。

conducted an experiment.

He took a case study about Heidi Roizen,

他針對成功的女性風險資本家 海蒂‧羅伊森做了個案研究，

a successful female venture capitalist,

and he changed the name to Howard Roizen.

他把她的名字改為霍華‧羅伊森。

Everything else about the case study remained the same.

個案研究的所有其他內容都不變。

He gave half of his class the Heidi Roizen case study

他把海蒂‧羅伊森的個案研究 給全班一半的學生，

and the other half the Howard Roizen case study.

另一半的學生則拿到 霍華‧羅伊森的個案研究。

And he asked the students to rate

他請學生評分，

how competent and how likable Heidi and Howard were.

看他們認為海蒂和霍華的能力 有多好以及有多討喜。

Both female and male students found Heidi and Howard to be equally competent.

男學生和女學生

都認為海蒂和霍華一樣有能力。

But the students tended not to like Heidi.

但學生傾向不喜歡海蒂。

They thought that she was a little too aggressive and out for herself.

他們認為她有點太咄咄逼人了， 且只為了自己。

Neither female nor male students wanted to work for or hire Heidi,

女學生和男學生都不想要 為海蒂工作或僱用海蒂，

but they all thought Howard would make a great colleague.

但他們都認為霍華會是很棒的同事。

Why?

為什麼？

Because in our society, women are penalized

因為在我們的社會中，

如果女性的行為方式

when we behave in ways that violate gender norms.

違反了性別規範，我們就受到懲罰。

Our gender stereotypes show that women should be kind, nurturing,

根據我們的性別刻板印象， 女性應該要仁慈、

溫柔親切、

喜歡助人、支持他人、

helpful, supportive, deferential,

恭敬順從。

while traditionally men are expected to be decisive, competent,

而傳統上對男性的期望則是要果斷、

能幹、堅定自信且強硬。

assertive and strong.

So the dilemma for women

因此，女性遇到的兩難，

就是我們認為領導者該有的 特質，比如堅定自信和果斷，

is that the qualities which we value in leadership,

such as assertiveness and decisiveness,

go against societal norms of what it is to be a likable woman.

和社會規範中對女性 討喜的定義相抵觸。

I'm a documentary filmmaker, so I'm nothing if not curious.

我是紀錄片導演， 所以我非常有好奇心。

But I've learned that being inquisitive is not an admired female trait.

但我學到，好問並不是 會被欣賞的女性特質。

I was at a cocktail party last week,

上週，我在一場雞尾酒派對上

and I asked a man what line of business he was in.

問一名男子他是做哪一行的。

“Fintech,” he said.

他說：「金融科技。」

Curious. I dug a little deeper.

我感到好奇，所以想挖更深。

"Oh, what type?"

「喔，哪一種？」

"It's complicated."

「挺複雜的啦。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

End of discussion.

討論結束。

OK. Now it's possible that he wanted to spare me some long explanation,

好，確實有可能他只是 不想用冗長的解釋來煩我，

but it's more likely that his bias, implicit or not,

但更有可能是他的偏見， 不論是內隱或外顯的，

informed him that as a woman I wouldn't understand finance.

讓他覺得我這個女性不會懂金融。

Either way, I'm fairly certain he wouldn't have said "it's complicated"

不論是哪一種，我敢說， 如果我是男性，

他就不會回「挺複雜的啦」。

had I been a man.

I absorb the sting of one more cut.

我受到再補一刀的傷害。

Most of us are not aware of why we don't find strong women likable.

我們大部分人並沒有意識到為何 我們會覺得強勢的女性不討喜。

There's just something about her that bugs us.

她就是有某些點讓我們覺得不舒服。

But deep inside, at the root of this is an unconscious bias.

但在內心深處，這個現象的根源，

就是無意識的偏見。

Bias is a survival heuristic that we inherited from our ancestors.

偏見是我們的祖先傳給 我們的一種生存捷思法，

The problem is, it's unconscious.

問題是，它是無意識的。

And as humans, we don't have the ability to recognize when we're being biased,

而身為人類，我們沒有能力 發現我們何時有偏見，

even if we can see it in other people.

即使我們能看到別人有偏見。

We all, most of us, anyway, believe ourselves to be fair,

我們大家，至少大部分人， 都認為自己是公平的、

open-minded and unbiased.

心胸寬闊的、沒偏見的。

And yet, I will admit, I too found Hillary's voice to be shrill.

但，我承認，

我也覺得希拉蕊的聲音很尖。

As long as society continues to associate leadership with masculine traits,

只要社會繼續將領導能力 和陽剛特質連結在一起，

female leaders will be judged more harshly,

女性領導人就會被比較嚴苛地評斷，

even when they outperform male counterparts.

即使她們的表現超越 男性領導人也一樣。

So it's no wonder that in the United States,

這也就難怪在美國， 女性政治人物身受其害，

female politicians suffer greatly,

as our elections tend to value likability over competency.

因為我們的選舉傾向重視 「討喜」多於「能力」。

Women hold only 25 percent of the seats in Congress.

國會有四分之一的席次是女性。

The competence/likability dilemma has huge consequences,

能力／討喜的兩難有很重大的 後果，且不只是在政治圈，

not just in politics,

but also in education and in the workplace,

還有在教育界和工作場所。

where studies show that women in meetings with both genders

研究顯示，在男女 都有參與的會議中，

女性通常比較不會貢獻知識。

are less likely to contribute knowledge.

As women we're told to lean in,

女性被要求抓住機會、積極表現，

and yet there's backlash when we do.

但當我們這麼做時，又會引發強烈反應。

A recent study shows that women

近期的一篇研究指出，女性 不像男性那麼擅長為自己協商。

are not as good as men at negotiating for themselves.

And yet, women outperform men

但，當女性代表別人進行

when they negotiate on behalf of someone else.

協商時，表現卻會優於男性。

This is because women who negotiate for themselves

這是因為，當女性為自己協商時，

are perceived as selfish,

會被認為很自私。

and women who negotiate on behalf of someone else

當女性為他人進行協商時，

are perceived to be helpful.

則被認為是在助人。

And a helpful woman might be liked more than a woman who is assertive,

而樂於助人的女性可能會比

堅定自信的女性更討喜，

but the helpful woman will not be recognized

但樂於助人的女性不會被認為

as having what it takes to be a successful leader.

具有成功領導人必備的特質。

Last week I was quoting my speaker fee to a potential client,

上週，我把我的演說費 報價給一位潛在客戶，

and when I told him the price, he said to me,

我告訴他價格時，他對我說：

"Wow. Good for you. That's a lot.

「哇，你開心就好，還真貴。

Isn't documentary filmmaking kind of, like, your hobby?"

拍攝紀錄片不是算是你的嗜好嗎？」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Ouch.

哎喲。

As humans, we're limited to what we can do to mitigate our biases.

身為人類，我們能 減少偏見的方式有限。

So even if we were able to, say, implement a tool

就算，假設我們可以運用方法，

that would bring more women into upper management,

讓更多女性進入管理高層，

it's highly likely that we would still evaluate the performance of those women

非常有可能，我們仍然會 根據有偏見的看法來評估

with biased perceptions.

那些女性的表現。

Clearly, leadership and likability should not be mutually exclusive

很顯然，領導能力和討喜， 這兩者不應該是互斥的，

for women or for men.

不論對男性或女性。

So how do we solve for this dilemma?

我們要如何解決這種兩難？

I wish I could offer you a cure to unconscious bias.

我也希望我能提供各位 能治好無意識偏見的解藥。

I don't believe there is one.

但我認為解藥並不存在。

But we need to disrupt stereotypes

但我們需要打破刻板印象，

and redefine what it is to be a leader and a woman.

重新定義領導者 和女性的特質是什麼。

Obviously, this is a long-term solution that could take generations,

很顯然，這是個耗時長遠的 解決方案，可能要花上數個世代，

but it's a vital step.

但這一步很重要。

We need to speak up.

我們需要大聲說出來。

Speak up when you witness gender bias.

目擊性別偏見時，要大聲說出來。

Question comments that are made

如果評論談的是女性的外表 或個性而不是她的技能

about a woman's appearance or personality rather than her skills or ability.

或能力時，要提出質疑。

And we need to slow down.

且我們得放慢腳步。

Question yourself. Reconsider your snap judgments.

要質疑自己。

重新思考一下你太過迅速的評斷。

Ask yourself, does that woman bug me for reasons that really matter?

捫心自問，

那名女子讓我不舒服的原因 是真的很重要嗎？

And forget about likability,

各位女士，能的話，

ladies, women, if you can.

也不要去想著討喜。

Instead focus on being awesome.

把焦點放在讓自己變得很棒。

Be a smart, compassionate, effective leader

成為聰明、有同情心、 有效益的領導者，

that will redefine the stereotype of what a female leader is.

重新定義大家對 女性領導者的刻板印象。

I've wasted a lot of time worrying about how I am perceived.

我曾經浪費太多時間 去擔心別人怎麼看我。

If I ask a lot of questions, will you find me combative?

如果我問很多問題，

你會覺得我太好鬥嗎？

If I tell you about an accomplishment I'm proud of,

如果我跟你說我感到驕傲的成就，

you might think I'm conceited.

你可能會覺得我很自負。

But I need and seek the approval and recognition

但我需要且在追求

我的家人、朋友， 及同事的認同和認可。

of my family, of my friends and of my colleagues.

Like many of you, I want to be liked,

和在座許多人一樣， 我也希望別人喜歡我。

and I'm hopeful for the day when women can be recognized

我希望將來有一天， 女性會因為有能力

as being competent and likable,

且討喜而被認可，

a day when we value each other regardless of gender,

希望有一天，我們重視的 不是一個人的性別，

for the unique contributions that we each bring to the table.

而是那個人能帶來什麼樣的貢獻。

That would be the day that I won't have to worry about being liked.

如果那一天到來了，我就 不用擔心別人是否喜歡我。

I can just be me.

我就能做自己。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）