The story of a parent's transition and a son's redemption | Paula Stone and Jonathan Williams

翻译人员: Wendy Wu 校对人员: 文进 肖

Paula Stone Williams: So, I was the CEO of a large, religious nonprofit,

普拉：我曾是一个大型宗教 非营利组织的首席执行官，

spoke at some of the largest churches in America,

在一些美国最大的教堂做过演讲。

was on television in 70 different markets,

我的发言被 70 个不同电视台报道，

but more than anything else,

但比这更重要的是，

I just wanted to be a good parent.

我最想成为的事一位好父母。

I told all three of my children,

我曾对我的三个孩子说，

"When the going gets tough,

“当道路变得艰难时，

you have to choose the road less traveled,

你得选更少人走的路，

the narrow path."

那条荆棘之路。”

I had no idea how difficult that was going to become.

我以前不知道这将会多么艰难。

I knew from the time I was three or four years of age

在我三或四岁时，

that I was transgender.

我就知道我是跨性别者。

I knew if I came out, I would lose everything.

我知道一旦我出柜， 我将会失去一切。

But the call toward authenticity is sacred

但对真我的呼唤是神圣的，

and for the greater good,

是为了更美好的存在，

and it asks you to trust that the truth not only sets you free,

它希望你能相信 真相不仅让自己自由

it will set everyone free.

也将解放每一个人。

I decided to stake my life on it.

我决定赌上我的一切

So I came out.

所以我出柜了。

Turns out, if you spend most of your life

我发现，如果你付出你的大半生

working in the conservative religious world,

在保守的宗教世界里工作，

coming out as transgender is not all that great for your career.

作为一名跨性别者出柜 对你的事业是不会有好处的。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Who knew?

谁会知道呢？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Within seven days, I lost every single one of my jobs.

在七天内，我失去了 我的每一份工作。

My family was supportive but struggling.

我的家人支持我但也很挣扎，

Most of my friends and coworkers had rejected me;

我大部分的朋友和同事都和我断绝来往，

the rest were confused.

剩下的也是一脸懵逼。

One friend said, "You really messed with me."

我的一个朋友说，“你真的把我弄糊涂了。”

I said, "Yeah, well, get in line."

我说，“好吧，排队吧。”

They said, "You were my only example of an alpha male who was gentle."

他们说，“你是我唯一证明大男人 也可以很温柔的例子。”

And I thought, "Oh. You're right."

我想，“哦，你是对的。”

I was an alpha male.

我是一个大男人。

And I was gentle.

我也很温柔。

And if it was hard for him,

如果接受我对他那么困难，

how much more difficult was it for my own son?

那对我儿子来说会有多么难？

Jonathan Williams: Estrangement was not an option.

威廉姆斯： 冷战不是解决办法。

It was Father's Day and my girls brought me craft beer

在父亲节那天， 我女儿们送我一瓶精酿啤酒

and a homemade jar of pickles, which, in my estimation,

和一坛自制酸黄瓜，不出我所料，

is the perfect Father's Day gift.

这真是完美的父亲节礼物。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

But the question remained:

但问题是：

Do I call my own father?

我会给自己的父亲打电话吗？

To call him, and I continue down this spiral of denial,

对于打电话给他， 我一直在抗拒的漩涡里，

pretending that my dad was still --

我假装我爸爸仍然是——

well, my dad.

我的爸爸。

To not call was to acknowledge that everything had changed.

但不打电话就是承认一切事情都变了

It meant that I was in for years of pain and mourning and sadness,

我经历了多年的痛苦，悔恨和悲伤，

but ultimately, hope for reconciliation.

但最后，我想与你和解。

There's no playbook for when one's father of 30 plus years decides to transition

做了你30多年父亲的人 决定去变性为女人，

to the female gender.

我没见过这样的剧本。

But my dad did teach me one thing.

但我的爸爸确实教会了我一件事

He said the road to redemption always comes from choosing the narrow path.

他说救赎之路总是来自于荆棘之路。

And so I decided not to call that day,

最终那天我没有勇气打电话给他，

and a few months later, Paula flew out and met me at a hotel in New York,

几个月后，普拉乘飞机赶来 和我在纽约的一间旅馆见面，

my wife and I.

我的妻子和我一起。

I knocked on the door, and this woman answered.

我敲了敲门，一个女人来开门。

It definitely wasn't my dad.

她看起来绝对不是我的父亲。

"It's good to see you," she said.

“很高兴见到你”，她说

It didn't sound like my dad, either.

她的声音也和我的爸爸没半分相像。

We went to lunch, and the waiter came to take our order.

我们一起去吃午餐， 一个服务员来为我们下单点菜。

He said, "Let's start with the ladies,"

他说，“女士优先，”

but there was only one lady at the table and it was my wife,

但这里只有一位女士，我的妻子，

and -- oh my God, there are two women at the table.

哦，天哪，这里其实有两个女人。

And my dad ordered something like lettuce,

然后我爸爸点了一些菜，像生菜什么的，

and I was like, I have fries on my plate.

我好像，点了炸薯条。

Did my dad like fries? I don't remember.

我爸爸喜欢薯条吗？我不记得了。

I think he liked them.

我想他以前是喜欢的。

But she wasn't eating them.

但她并没有吃薯条。

Here's this woman who knew everything about me,

这个女人了解我的一切，

and I knew nothing about her.

而我对她一无所知。

I don't even remember saying goodbye.

我甚至忘了说再见。

PSW: All I could think about that day

普拉：我记得那天

was that it was late September in New York,

是九月下旬，

and I was wearing white jeans.

而我穿着白色牛仔裤。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

You don't wear white after Labor Day in New York.

没人会在纽约劳动节后穿白色。

There was a knock at the door,

有人敲门，

and all I could think about was, here I stand in my wrong jeans.

我能想到的是， 我穿错了牛仔裤。

And then I saw these big, blue eyes I love so much,

然后我看到了这双大大的， 我挚爱的蓝眼睛，

and they were staring back at me in disbelief.

这双眼睛难以置信地盯着我。

And I thought, "Oh, this is not going to be easy."

我想，“哦，这次碰面不是件易事。"

When one person in a family transitions,

当一个有家庭的人转变了性别，

the entire family transitions whether they want to or not.

那他的整个家庭都需要跟着转变， 不管他们愿不愿意。

Now, for those on the fringes it was easy.

对于那些处在明确一端的人 是比较容易的。

The liberals said, "Oh, wonderful!

自由派会说，“哦，妙极了！

She's found her truth, how delightful."

她找到了真我，多么令人愉快。”

And the conservatives said, "That's messed up, I'm out of here."

而保守派会说，“这真是乱套了， 我要远离这个人。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

But for my family, neither extreme was going to work.

但对于我的家人来说， 他们并不属于哪一端。

Their anger, their hurt,

他们的愤怒，他们的伤痛，

their love and loyalty --

他们的爱与忠诚——

all of it had to be brought on to the road of trials.

所有这些都会被摆上桌面受人评判。

JW: Was it all a lie?

威廉姆斯： 过去的一切都是假的吗？

Every game of catch in the front yard, the Mets season tickets --

我们在前院的每一场接球游戏， 一起买的大都会棒球队季票——

was that with my dad or was that with her?

我是和爸爸还是和这个女人去的？

I remember this one time,

我记得有一次，

my dad took me on a bike ride through Heckscher Park

我爸爸带我骑自行车 穿过赫克舍尔公园，

to teach me about sex.

他教我关于性的知识。

He explained the parts of the body that I now know he wished weren't hers.

他向我介绍我现在知道 他希望不属于她的身体部位

Had my father ever even existed?

我的父亲到底有没有存在过？

Now, grief --

伤痛——

grief is without rules.

伤痛失去了控制，

Grief borrows your car without asking,

它触不及防地占据了我，

wrecks it

肆意折磨我，

and then doesn't apologize.

没有丝毫怜悯。

And I was a wreck.

而我现在只剩残骸。

This was heavy.

这是难以承受之痛。

I retreated into myself.

我退缩了。

I was angry.

我愤怒了。

I felt betrayed.

我觉得我遭到了背叛。

And I guess I should have known

我早就应该知道的，

by the fact that you encouraged me to be a Mets fan

你鼓励我成为 一名大都会棒球队的粉丝，

that you were preparing me for life's really big disappointments.

其实是让我为生命中 一次巨大失落做准备。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

That's true.

这是真的。

And yet, there were the games of catch,

但是，我们的接球游戏是真的，

and there were the season tickets

我们买的紐約大都會季票也是真的，

and bacon, egg and cheese sandwiches every Saturday

还有我们每个星期六 在长岛最好的百吉饼店

from the best bagel place on Long Island.

吃的培根鸡蛋芝士三明治也是真的。

My father lived this life he didn't want to live,

我的父亲过着他并不想要的生活，

but he lived it so that I could have a dad.

但他这样活着是为了我能有一个爸爸。

I stopped wondering if my dad had ever existed.

我不再疑惑究竟爸爸有没有存在过

He had existed -- willfully, consciously, intentionally --

他真切地、投入地存在于

each and every day of my growing up.

我成长过程中的每分每秒。

For that, I was thankful.

对此，我无限感激。

Paula's body was hers now and her transformation was complete,

普拉的身体现在是她的了， 她的转变已经完成，

but my transformation was just beginning.

而我的转变才刚刚开始。

I had another trial, another journey, another choice to heed my father's advice

我又有另一场考验，另一场旅途， 另一个选择去倾听我父亲的建议，

and continue down that narrow path.

我会继续跨越我的荆棘之路。

PSW: So most days I believe there is a God.

普拉： 大多数日子里我相信上帝是存在的。

Tuesdays and Thursdays can be tough,

周二和周四会很难熬，

and any day that you're on the New Jersey Turnpike.

在新泽西收费公路开车 的任何一天也一样。

I mean, really, you know?

我的意思，你懂的吧？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

It's hard to believe in God when your soul is in the wrong body.

当你的灵魂在错误的身体里时， 这很难相信是上帝的旨意。

Still, somehow I ended up in ministry.

尽管如此，不知为什么， 我最终还是当上了牧师。

When I lost all my jobs, it was nothing personal.

我之所以失去工作， 并不是针对我的个人的问题。

It's what religious tribes do.

而是教会的普遍行为。

They believe an enemy is necessary for the tribe to survive,

他们相信敌人对教会的存续是必需的，

so where no enemy exists,

所以即使没有敌人，

they create one.

他们也会捏造一个。

Right now, sexual minorities are the enemy;

现在，性别少数群体就是他们的敌人，

my departure was swift and sure.

我的离开是快速而肯定的。

I was surprised when my son left his job teaching in West Philadelphia

当我的儿子辞去在西费城的教书工作， 成为牧师时，

to go into the ministry.

我惊诧万分。

I did not see that one coming.

我可没料到这一出。

And now I wondered:

当时我只是想着：

What would he do?

他会怎么做？

I didn't have to wait that long to find an answer.

没过多久，我找到了答案。

Six months after that first visit,

在我和他第一次相见的六个月后，

he invited me back to New York.

他邀请我回到纽约。

JW: The designers of the Brooklyn Bridge,

威廉姆斯： 布鲁克林大桥的设计师们，

they had their share of bad luck.

共同承担着厄运。

John Roebling, he died shortly after the bridge's construction began.

这座桥开始建造后不久， 大桥设计师约翰·罗柏林去世了。

His son Washington took over,

他的儿子华盛顿接手他的工作，

but he suffered from decompression sickness.

但他患上了减压病。

His wife Emily became the surrogate executive engineer

他的妻子艾米丽成为代理执行工程师

who oversaw the bridge's completion.

她监督大桥工程直到竣工。

Father and son,

父亲和儿子，

John and Washington,

约翰和华盛顿，

done in by their work.

为他们的事业前仆后继。

It was this sunny day in May

那五月一个晴朗的日子里，

and my father and I sat in the shadow of that Brooklyn Bridge.

我父亲和我坐在 布鲁克林大桥投下的影子里。

Would our lives follow the Roeblings' --

我们的一生也会像 罗柏林家族的父亲和儿子那样，

father and son, done in by our work?

为我们的事业前仆后继吗？

My father thought that her friends in church

我父亲本以为她在教堂的朋友

would carry her through her transition,

会一直陪伴她渡过她的转化，

and they did not.

但他们没有，

They ditched her and they clung to me.

他们抛弃了她，还对我百般刁难

I was the pastor of a new church in Brooklyn.

我曾是布鲁克林一个新教堂的牧师。

This wonderful group of forward-thinking people,

那是一群思想前卫的人。

and yet, we were financially tied to really conservative churches.

但我们的生计依赖于极度保守的教堂，

To hold space for Paula meant jeopardizing our own church's livelihood.

支持普拉意味着断绝我们教堂的生计。

I sort of straddled the line between these warring worlds.

我就像被夹在交战双方之间。

So I said to my dad,

所以我对我爸爸说，

"Dad, I still live and work in your old world.

“爸爸，我仍然生活和工作 在你的旧世界里。

Is it possible that you might extend an olive branch for my sake?"

看在我的份上， 你能向他们抛出橄榄枝吗？”

And her response was impassioned.

她的回答非常激动。

You said to me, "Do you have any idea what it feels like

你对我说，“你知道这种感受吗？

to finally show yourself to your true friends

当你终于向朋友展现真实的自我

and have them completely reject you?

却被朋友彻底拒绝。

To ask you to live a lie?

他们要你虚假地活着？

Do you know what that feels like?"

你知道那是什么感觉吗？”

And I didn't know what that felt like.

我不知道那是什么感受。

But I knew I had a decision to make.

但我知道我必须作出决定。

It was the decision to continue down that narrow path through nights,

我决定在黑夜的荆棘之路继续走下去。

but for the first time,

但第一次，

I caught a glimpse of light.

我抓住了一丝亮光。

I cannot ask my father to be anything other than her true self.

我不能要求我父亲成为 她真正的自己以外的任何人。

(Applause)

（掌声）

PSW: So as we sat by the river that day,

普拉：当那天我们坐在河边时，

Jonathan talked about his pain, his suffering, his grief, his confusion.

乔纳森谈到了他的痛苦，他的挣扎， 他的悲伤，他的困惑。

He brought all of himself to that conversation,

他在那次对话中打开了心扉

and it tore at me

我揪心不已，

to be the cause of such pain.

因为我造成他这么多的痛苦。

But as he talked, there was something redemptive going on,

但正如他所说的那样， 我们仍然可以得到救赎，

full of tension but possibility,

在这条荆棘之路上，

grounded in that narrow path.

充满压力但希望仍在。

He said, "This is always going to be hard.

他说，“这总是很艰难的。

It always will be.

永远都是。

But Dad,

但爸爸，

I love you."

我爱你。”

My son is the best of me and more.

我的儿子是最好的我， 也是更好的我。

He's bold and strong,

他大胆和坚强，

sensitive and thoughtful.

敏感和深思熟虑。

I guess you could say,

我猜你可以说，

he's an alpha male who's gentle.

他是一个温柔的男子汉。

JW: It was time for my daughters to meet their -- Paula.

威廉姆斯：是时候让我的女儿们 去见她们的——普拉了，

We went back to my apartment,

当我们回到我的公寓时，

and my daughters were coloring at the dining room table,

而我的女儿们正在餐桌上涂色，

and there was this awkward silence.

她们一下子沉默了。

And finally, my youngest asked a single, confident question.

最后，我最小的女儿问了 一个简单而自信的问题。

"So, Grandpa, do you have a penis?"

“那么，爷爷，你有小鸡鸡吗？”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And after the tension abated and the laughter subsided,

当紧张局势缓和，笑声也平息后，

my girls took their grandpa back into their room

我的女儿们带着她们的爷爷 回到她们的房间，

and showed her their new toys,

向她展示她们的新玩具

and they christened her with a new name.

他们给她取了个新名字。

They called her "GrandPaula."

他们称她为“大大普拉”。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

PSW: So this past summer, I had all five of my granddaughters at my home,

所以在刚刚过去的夏天， 在落基山脉山脚下的我家中，

there in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains.

我的五个孙女陪伴我度过。

We went swimming in the cool waters of the river

我们在流经小镇的河流

that flows through our little town.

凉爽的河水中游泳。

And one day, one of Jonathan's girls said to me,

有一天，乔纳森的一个女儿对我说，

"GrandPaula, can we go tubing on the river?"

“大大普拉，我们能坐在轮胎上 在河里浮水吗？”

And I said, "Well, you know,

我说，“嗯，你知道，

I'd really wait until your daddy gets here for that.

这事儿我得等你爸爸来这儿。

That feels to me like that ought to be his call."

这得经过他的同意。"

And she said, "Oh, but GrandPaula,

她说，“哦，但是大大普拉，

he'll exactly make the same decision you would.

他也会作出和你一样的决定。

He's a lot like you, you know."

他很像你，你知道的。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And I thought, yeah, he is a lot like me,

我想，是的，他很像我，

both of us determined to find the narrow path

我们俩都决定去找到那条荆棘之路

and follow it through the long, dark night,

并在漫长的黑夜中穿越它，

all the way to the light of dawn.

直到我们找到黎明的曙光。

JW: Have you ever noticed that a child who is secure,

威廉姆斯：你有没有注意到 一个有安全感的孩子，

a child who knows love,

一个知道爱的孩子，

that child will dance?

是会跳舞的？

They wave their arms,

他们挥动手臂，

they kick their legs to music that only they can hear.

他们尽情享受只有他们能听到音乐。

It's the music of a child who is safe and unharmed

这音乐属于安全的、没受过伤的、

and wholly loved.

全然被爱着的孩子。

The day after my children met their GrandPaula,

我的孩子和他们的大大普拉 见面的第二天，

she took them to go get doughnuts,

她带他们去吃甜甜圈，

and I watched as they walked down the street,

我看着他们沿着街道走路，

and my girls took my father's arms,

我的女儿们挽着我父亲的胳膊，

and they danced.

跳着舞。

My father's arms swung wildly.

我的父亲的手臂高高的摆动着，

You bought them one too many doughnuts, because you always do --

你给他们买了太多甜甜圈， 因为你总是这样——

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I watched my older daughter take a bite of her doughnut,

我看着我的大女儿咬了一口她的甜甜圈，

and she unleashed two jumps and a twirl.

然后她跳了两跳，转了一圈。

It was perfect.

这是完美的时刻。

That narrow path,

那条荆棘之路，

it always has its share of burdens and challenges.

它总是伴随着负担和挑战。

But I was certain that we were going to see this through to redemption.

但我确信，我们沿着这条路终将找到救赎。

I looked at my dad

我看着我的爸爸

and I looked at my girls who were dancing and eating their doughnuts,

我看着我正吃着甜甜圈的女儿，

and I said aloud to no one in particular,

我大声地对所有人说，

I said, "This ...

我说，“这……

this is how God sees my dad."

这就是上帝眼中看到的我父亲。"

My father was literally born again.

我父亲真的重生了

And by choosing the narrow path of redemption,

因为选择这条荆棘的救赎之路，

I was born again with her.

我也同她一起重生了

Thank you.

谢谢。

(Applause and cheers)

(掌声和欢呼声)