How to Discover Your Authentic Self -- at Any Age | Bevy Smith | TED

翻译人员: lulu huang 校对人员: Yanyan Hong

I am a late bloomer.

我是一个晚熟的人。

In fact, a friend of mine you may have heard of --

事实上，我的一个朋友， 你们可能听说过——

Chris Rock --

克里斯·洛克（Chris Rock）——

he once called me the most late-blooming mofo he’d ever met.

他曾说我是他见过最晚熟的家伙。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Now, some people might consider that snide,

现在，有些人可能觉得那是嘲讽，

but I revel in it.

但我却乐在其中。

I’m 55,

我 55 岁了，

and I’m here in this curvy body as someone who has done the work,

我努力保持着好身材，

lived the life

还穿着非常高跟的高跟鞋

walked the walk in these very high heels --

去工作、生活和走路——

(Laughter)

（笑声）

and therefore is qualified to testify in the church

才得以获得在教堂

and in the court of law

和法庭上作证的资格。

that it does, in fact, get greater later.

事实上，自此以后一切都在变得更好。

(Applause and cheers)

（掌声和欢呼）

Now coming to this realization wasn’t easy.

意识到这一点并非易事。

At the age of 38, I was a very successful fashion advertising executive,

在我 38 岁的时候， 我是一名非常成功的时尚广告主管，

and I was really living what most people considered a dream life.

我真的过着对大多数人 来说是梦想中的生活。

I was jet-setting to fashion shows;

我不停地私人飞机参加时装秀；

I was receiving free designer clothes;

我不停地收到免费的名牌服饰；

I was double-kissing my way across the globe.

我在环游世界的路上 不停地亲吻别人脸颊。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I was.

真的。

And, you know, it was everything that I ever wanted it to be,

你知道，这就是我想要的一切，

and then one day I realized I was only pretending to be happy.

然后有一天我意识到， 我只是在假装开心，

But I couldn’t blow up my good life in my prime earning years, right?

但我不能在我收入最好的时候 毁掉我的美好生活，对吧？

Wrong.

不对。

Which leads me to lessons my mother Lolly taught me.

这让我想起了我妈妈洛莉对我的教导。

Lolly’s number one lesson:

洛莉的第一课：

don’t settle.

不要妥协。

Don’t settle.

不要妥协。

Now I’m aware that my well-paying, glamorous career

现在我意识到，我的高薪、 光鲜亮丽的工作给我的感觉，

is not exactly the humdrum, “I hate my job” stereotype

并不像大多数人认为的那样， 在安定后产生的乏味感——

that most people equate with settling.

那种“我讨厌工作”这种刻板印象。

But it was a settle for me,

但它对我来说是一种妥协，

because when I actually did quit my job at the age of 38,

因为当我真的在 38 岁辞掉工作时，

it was with the intention that every day be a great adventure.

我的预想是每天 都将是一次伟大的冒险。

Now sometimes it was a very scary adventure,

但有时它会是非常可怕的冒险，

like being broke from the age of 40 to 45.

就像在 40 岁到 45岁 时破了产。

But even still, I wouldn’t trade that for the safe and settled version,

但即便如此， 我也没有死守安稳的生活，

because if I had, I would not be here with y’all today.

因为如果我那样做了， 我今天就不会站在这里了。

(Applause and cheers)

（掌声和欢呼）

Yeah.

是的。

So you know how when you like, buck the system

所以你知道，当你对体制产生不满，

and go against the status quo,

不安于现状，

it makes people really uncomfortable?

会让人们感觉很不舒服吗？

And invariably, people will ask,

无一例外，他们总是会问，

“Where do you get your confidence?”

“你哪儿来的自信？”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Now some people mean it as a compliment,

有些人认为这是一种恭维，

but very often it’s shady ...

但很多时候不一定是……

(Laughter)

（笑声）

and it's a silent judgment.

这是一种无声的批评。

And to those people,

对于这些人，

I respond with a quote from this Brooklyn poet you may have heard of,

用一句你们可能听过的布鲁克林诗人

Jay-Z.

Jay-Z 的话。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

“She get it from her mama.”

“她从她妈妈那里学来的。”

I am she,

我就是诗中的“她”，

and my mama is the epitome of a grown-ass woman:

而我妈妈是一个成熟女性的缩影：

someone who has always been very comfortable in her skin.

她总是对自己特别自信的一个人。

In 1965, my mom was 37 years old.

1965 年，我妈妈 37 岁。

She already had one child,

她已经有了一个孩子，

my big brother, Gerry,

我的大哥，格里，

and she married my dad, but she kept her maiden name.

之后她嫁给了我的爸爸， 但她保留了她的娘家姓。

And then she had my sister Stephanie and I back-to-back,

然后她接连生下了 我的姐姐斯蒂芬妮和我，

but she continued to work

但她还坚持工作，

because she refused to be beholden to my dad for money.

因为她拒绝在金钱上完全依赖我的父亲。

And I bet my mom was the only woman in our neighborhood

我敢打赌，我妈妈是我们街区唯一一个，

who cooked once a week.

每周只做一次饭的女人。

She made Sunday dinner.

她只做周日晚餐。

It was an extravaganza,

那是一顿盛宴，

but that’s all she did.

但她也就只做那一顿。

She cooked one day a week.

她每周只在那一天里做饭，

My mom is just amazing.

我的妈妈太赞了。

And she also had this ability of talking to her children about real life

她也有能力和她的孩子谈论真实的生活，

and making sure that we understood the virtues of going your own way,

并确保我们理解走自己的路是好的，

which is why I believe today at the age of 94,

这就是为什么我相信 我那位如今已 94 岁高龄，

and a recent widow,

且刚失去丈夫的妈妈，

my mom is still carving out ways

依然在刻苦钻研方法

to find and determine and define her own version of happiness.

去寻找、确定和定义属于自己的幸福。

She cooks for herself.

她给自己做饭。

She maintains her home exactly as she sees fit.

她完全按照她认为合适的方式 来打理她的家，

She enjoys champagne and R-rated films.

她喜欢香槟和 R 级影片。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Applause)

（掌声）

My mom has managed to maintain her glamour,

我妈妈成功地保持了她的魅力、

her sex appeal,

她的性感，

you know, her independence.

和她的独立。

And I really hope some of that rubs off on me.

我真的希望这能影响到我。

You know, recently I’ve been thinking about one of the best lessons

最近我一直在思考

that my mom ever taught me,

我妈妈教给我的最好的一课，

which is the literal beauty in aging.

那就是字面上的衰老之美。

Now, we all know that Black don’t crack, right?

现在，我们都知道黑人不显老，对吧？

OK...

好吧……

Black don’t crack.

黑人是不显老。

So at the age of 50, my mom could have easily passed for the age of 35.

所以在我妈妈 50 岁的时候， 她很容易被误以为是 35 岁。

And you know, that’s back during the time when people --

你们知道，在这个年龄段当人们——

women were really coy about their age.

女性会避而不谈她们的年龄。

“Oh, a lady never tells her age.”

“噢，一位女士 永远不会透露她自己的年龄。”

My mom never subscribed to that.

我妈妈从来都不认同这个观点。

She was always proud of her age.

她总是为自己的年龄感到骄傲。

As a matter of fact,

事实上，

她认为就算你不说你的年龄，

she believes you may not tell your age,

but your hands and your neck will.

但你的手和脖子会。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

So make peace with aging,

所以接受衰老吧，

or prepare for an entire wardrobe of gloves and turtlenecks.

或者准备好一整柜的手套和高领衣服。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Yeah, my mom has always done these wonderful things like that,

是的，我妈妈总是做这种奇妙的事情，

but I wish she could rub off on everyone

但我希望她能够感染每一个人，

because I feel like now I’m looking at even 20-somethings

因为我觉得，现在我看到，

who have a fear of aging.

甚至 20 多岁的人都害怕变老。

I watch them on social media,

比如，我在社交媒体上看到她们

like, you know, compulsively practiclng the latest 10-second dance craze,

强迫自己学会最流行的 10 秒钟的舞蹈，

and it feels like their angsty

感觉她们像是在焦虑地问，

and asking, “Is that all there is?”

“只有这些吗？”

And I just want to yell,

我只想大喊，

“Yes, that is all there is if all you’re going to do is settle

“是的，如果你只满足于 跟着别人的抖音节拍跳舞，

for dancing to someone else’s TikTok beat!”

那就只有这些了！”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Applause and cheers)

（掌声和欢呼声）

Settling is very insidious.

妥协往往时不知不觉的。

It keeps us dancing on this string,

它使我们在这根弦上跳舞，

waiting for this elusive, better day to miraculously appear.

并等待着难得的、更好的日子 奇迹般地出现。

Now thanks to Lolly’s tutelage, that’s not my story.

多亏了洛莉的指导， 那不是我的故事。

In fact, I take each day as it comes

事实上，我会过好每一天，

but I try to make it better than the last.

而且我会努力把 每一天过得比昨天更好。

So, you know, I’m single ...

我是单身……

but I’m always ready to mingle.

但我一直在为交往做准备。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I’m an entrepreneur,

我是一个企业家，

but I keep multiple revenue streams.

但我有多种收入来源。

I’m a solo traveler,

我是一个独自旅行的人，

which means I’ve done the sepia version of “Eat, Pray, Love” on six continents.

这意味着我已经在六大洲 完成了“美食、祈祷、恋爱”的旅程，

Because I don’t settle.

因为我不甘妥协。

What that means is that I also don’t second-guess my decisions,

这意味着我也不会在事后评价我的决定，

and I’m also not worried about my future

并且我也不会为我的未来担忧，

because I’m firmly rooted in the present.

因为我会坚定地活在当下。

Settling is a really sinister thing.

安定下来真的是一件灾难性的事情。

It will keep you up at night tossing and turning,

它会让你夜不能寐，辗转反侧

trying to figure out why

试图找出原因，

and trying to answer that age-old question of “Is that all there is?”

并试图回答那个古老的问题 “只能如此了吗？”

Personally, I don’t have time for that,

就我而言，我没有时间去想这些，

because the only time I want to be kept up all night long tossing and turning

因为唯一一次让我整夜辗转反侧的还是

is when I’m in the company of a fine-ass man.

我在公司里 遇见一个翘臀男士的时候。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Applause and cheers)

（掌声和欢呼）

That's it.

就那一次。

(Applause)

（掌声）

I wish I could tell you guys

我希望我能够告诉你们

that I learned all these valuable lessons from Lolly

我从洛莉那里学到的所有的宝贵经验，

and they were instilled in me and it was great,

它们被灌输给了我，这样很好，

but alas, I am a late bloomer in all regards.

但是，我在各方面都是一个晚熟的人。

So I had to learn a couple of lessons from the era of Bitchy Bevy.

所以我不得不从 “小贱贱的贝维” 时代吸取一些教训。

What kind of person has 10 assistants in five years?

什么样的人会在 5 年内换 10 个助手？

Bitchy Bevy, that’s who.

“小贱贱贝维”，就是我。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Now I didn’t start out my career with a toxic attitude.

我不会以一种有害的态度 来开启我的职业生涯。

No, initially I was really happy to be in the fashion industry.

不，刚开始我真的 很高兴能在时尚界工作。

You know, but then I began to compare my trajectory to others,

但后来我开始将自己的职业生涯 和其他人的进行比较，

and I also began to feel burned out

我也开始感到精疲力尽，

because I was burdened by these personas that I had created

因为我被自己想象出来的

that were allegedly going to help me progress in my career.

貌似有助于我在职业生涯中 进步的角色所苦恼。

I made a couple of mistakes.

我犯了几个错误。

One, I thought that being snarky was a good career move.

第一，我认为说风凉话会有助于职业发展，

It wasn’t.

其实它不是。

I also thought I look good in the color brown.

我也认为我穿棕色比较好看，

I actually don’t.

其实我错了。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Yeah.

是的。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And, you know, I just --

要知道，我只是——

in my dream montage,

在我梦想中的画面，

I wanted to get away from Bitchy Bevy.

我想逃离“小贱贱贝维”，

I wanted to get away from the color brown.

我想摆脱棕色。

And so in the movie version of my life,

所以在我电影版本似的生活里，

as soon as I quit my job,

我一辞掉工作，

I’m a yoga guru.

就成了一个瑜伽达人。

I’m extremely limber and very happy.

我非常柔软，也非常开心。

Come to think of it though, guys,

仔细想想，朋友们，

I’m actually limber and happy right now.

我现在实际上也很柔软，很开心。

But I would be lying --

但我可能在撒谎——

and I believe it is against international law

我相信在 TED 演讲上撒谎

to lie during a TED Talk --

是违反国际法的——

(Laughter)

（笑声）

so I’m not going to do that.

所以我不会那样做。

And as a matter of fact, my insecurities popped back up as late as last year.

事实上，我的不安感早在去年就出现了，

I was minding my business, as one does, perusing social media,

我在专心于我的生意， 在仔细阅读社交媒体时，

and I saw people excelling in a space

我看到人们在一个

where I, you know, traditionally had a lot of success.

我曾经取得过 很多成就的领域中表现出色。

So I’m looking at it and I’m like,

然后我看着它就会想，

“Well, why the hell they ain’t call me for that job?”

“好吧，他们为什么不找我？”

And I have this, like, angst,

我会有这种焦虑，

and then I realize they didn’t call me for that job

然后我意识到他们没有找我

because you already said you didn’t want that job.

是因为你已经说过 你不想要那份工作了。

You told the universe you weren’t into working like that.

你已经告诉全世界你 不想再做那份工作了，

You don’t want a job --

你不想要的一份工作——

I really don’t.

我真的不想。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I’m not into it.

我不感兴趣。

So...

因此……

that’s why it happened.

所以才会这样。

And what I realize is that intellectually I had grown and evolved,

我意识到我在思想上有了成长和进步，

but emotionally ...

但是在感性上……

I was Tom Petty

我就是汤姆·佩蒂（Tom Petty），

and I was living in “Petticoat Junction.”

我一直活在电视剧 《Petticoat Junction》的世界。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I told y’all that brown doesn’t look good on me;

我告诉过你们棕色不适合我；

petty looks even worse.

琐碎的棕色看起来更糟糕。

It’s not my shade.

这个颜色不适合我，

And so what I wound up having to do was really get a grip.

所以我不得不做的是控制自己。

I had to assess a few things about myself,

我不得不对自己的一些事情进行评估，

and I decided to do a little self-help ritual called ...

我决定做一个小小的自助仪式，叫做……

“Take a note, give a note.”

“写下笔记，给予笔记”

It’s easy.

这很简单。

When you see someone having something that you believe you deserve,

当你看到某人拥有 你觉得是自己应得的东西时，

you take a note.

你就写下来。

You ask yourself a few questions.

你问自己几个问题。

Is it something that you really want?

这是你真正想要的吗？

Perhaps that person is better suited than you are for that.

或许那个人比你更合适。

Does the universe --

世界是否——

is the universe conspiring for you to have that?

世界会暗中帮你拥有它吗？

Really kind of try and be honest with who you are

真的试着诚实地面对你是谁，

and where you’re at in life.

你在生活中处于什么位置。

Once you do that, you take a deep breath --

一旦你这样做了，你深呼吸——

(Inhales)

（吸气声）

and you say, “Their wins have nothing to do with my worthiness.”

你说，“他们的胜利与我的价值无关。”

And then you’re ready to give a note.

然后你就准备好给予笔记。

You go on social media,

你回到社交媒体，

and you say congratulations.

去说祝贺。

Or my personal favorite,

或者我个人最喜欢的是，

you pick up the phone, like it’s the 20th century,

你拿起电话，就像是在 20 世纪那样，

and you say, “Congratulations,

然后你说，“祝贺你，

kudos, you did that, Al!

恭喜你，你做到了，艾尔！

You go, girl!”

你太赞了吧，姑娘！”

You do all the things.

做了这些事情，

Instantly you feel like a better human being

你马上就能感受到自己是一个更好的人，

because you have actually extended grace.

因为实际上你已经变得更加有风度了。

You’ve extended grace.

你自身更加有风度了，

You’ve extended grace to someone else.

你对待其他人也更加有风度了。

And I believe that when you remove malice from your heart,

而且我相信当你把怨恨从心里抹去后，

not only do you feel better, you look better.

你不仅会感到更好，你看起来也会更好。

I think you lose your frown lines and your wrinkles lessen

我认为当你不再眉头紧锁时，

and your age spots disappear.

你的皱纹会变少、老年斑会消失。

I believe it’s better than Botox,

我相信提高风度所带来的效果

extending grace.

比保妥适除皱针更好。

I do.

我真的相信。

(Applause)

（掌声）

Yeah.

是的。

No, but let me get back to the note thing.

但是让我回到笔记的事情上。

So one of my favorite notes is from Willie Shakespeare.

我最喜欢的名言之一 是威利·莎士比亚说的。

“To thine own self be true.”

“忠于你自己。”

Now we’ve all read self-help books,

现在我们都读过自助类书籍，

and the first line of defense is always “Be your most authentic self.”

第一条提议永远是 “做最真实的自己。”

And I believe in that.

我相信这一点。

I believe that nobody can be you but you,

我相信，除了你自己， 没有人能够成为你，

so you might as well show up and show out.

所以你不妨试着去做一下。

But here’s the quandary that the bard never put forth.

但是诗人莎士比亚从未解答一个困惑。

What if you don’t really know who you are because you suppressed your inner self?

如果你因为压抑了内心的自己 而不能真正了解自己该怎么办？

You’ve suppressed the core of you.

你压抑了自己的核心。

You’ve suppressed the best parts of you

你压抑了自己最好的部分，

because you took on these other identities and these personas

为了让自己的生活更好，

in an effort to make your life better.

你扮演了其他的身份和角色。

Because, you know, we all buy into some things

因为，我们都相信我们应该做什么，

about what we’re supposed to be doing and who we’re supposed to be.

我们应该成为什么样的人。

So what if you squelch that?

但如果你压制了它会怎样呢？

Because I know I had to excavate to dig up a Little Brown Bevy.

因为我知道我必须发掘 才能发现我内心的“小棕色的贝维”。

But the way I found her was with three questions.

但我通过三个问题找到了她。

Who am I at my core?

我的内心是谁？

How am I being perceived?

我的感受是怎样的？

How would I like to be perceived?

感受到了我会怎么样呢？

Who am I at my core?

我的内心是谁？

At my core I’m looking to authentically connect with people.

在我的内心深处，我希望与人真诚沟通。

I don't like a cursory, you know, interaction,

我不喜欢草率的交流，

and I do not believe in networking.

我也不相信网络。

I like an authentic connection.

我喜欢真实的连接。

I’m also curious and I’m adventurous

我也很好奇、喜欢冒险、

and I’m kind

很善良，

and I’ve got big dreams.

还有远大的梦想。

How am I being perceived?

我的感受是怎样的？

Well, y’all know the nickname, Bitchy Bevy ...

好吧，你们都知道这个绰号， “小贱贱贝维”……

so, duh.

因此，哒。

But here’s the problem.

但是问题来了。

There’s a lot of power in that persona,

这个角色有很大的力量，

and I actually really enjoyed it for a time, you know,

我真的很喜欢它，要知道，

because you can make a lot of money being a bitch,

因为当一个“小贱人”可以赚很多钱，

especially in fashion.

尤其是在时尚界。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

But it’s also incredibly lonely and isolating,

但它也会让人感到极其孤独无助，

and I didn’t want to live that life anymore.

我不想再过那样的生活了。

And so I decided to change my life.

所以我决定改变我的生活，

And I left all of that alone.

我放弃了一切。

I really did, like, just change my spirit.

我真的做到了，我改变了我的精神。

And leaving fashion obviously helped.

离开时尚界显然是有帮助的。

And when I did that,

当我这样做的时候，

all of a sudden, I let Little Brown Bevy out to play.

突然，我释放出了“小棕色的贝维”。

Little Brown Bevy.

“小棕色的贝维”，

I love her so much.

我非常爱她。

Little Brown Bevy is a nerdy girl,

她是一个书呆子女孩，

and so I let my nerdy pursuits come out to play.

所以我把我的书呆子放出来玩。

I must have joined every museum on Museum Mile in New York City.

我想自己已经参观过纽约市 博物馆大道上的所有博物馆了。

I began to travel the world

我开始周游世界，

just to look at architecture I had always dreamed of.

只是为了看看我一直梦想的建筑。

I learned how to be alone without being lonely.

我学会了如何独处而不孤独，

My spirit shifted.

我的精神改变了。

I became a better person.

我变成了一个更好的人。

You can ask people --

你可以问别人——

I became a better person.

我变成了一个更好的人。

And now I get to stand here in front of you guys

我现在敢站在你们的面前，这样说，

with no bravado,

没有虚张声势，

with nothing to prove,

没有什么好证明的，

I tell you, with nothing to prove.

我告诉你们，没有什么好证明的。

I’m not trying to prove nothing to y’all.

我不想向你们证明什么。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Applause)

（掌声）

(Cheers and applause)

（欢呼和掌声）

Thank you.

谢谢！

(Applause and cheers)

（掌声和欢呼）

I have an open heart.

我有一个开放的心态。

And I can’t even believe

我甚至不敢相信

that Little Brown Bevy from 150th Street and Eighth Avenue,

来自哈莱姆的一个小村庄里

from the hamlet of Harlem,

第八大道、第 150 街的“小棕色的贝维”，

is now an award-winning radio and TV host,

现在是一个获奖的电台和电视主持人，

an author,

一个作家，

an actress,

一个演员，

a creative consultant.

一个创意顾问。

I would do all those things for free.

我愿意免费做所有这些事情。

But here’s the thing.

但问题是。

I ain’t cheap, and I’m definitely not free,

我不便宜，我肯定也不会免费，

so don't get any ideas.

所以不要有任何想法。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Applause)

（掌声）

But I am here in this “Mama I made it” moment

但在这个“妈妈，我成功了”的时刻，

as someone who can show up as her most Bevyest self

我能够展现出最贝维的一面，

because I’ve done the work.

因为我已经做到了。

Yeah, my most Bevyest self.

是的，我最贝维的自己。

So, you know, I’m going to show up --

所以，你知道，我想要被关注——

some of you’ve met me --

你们中的一些人已经见过我了——

you know I’m vibrant and boisterous, AKA loud.

你们知道我充满活力又吵闹， 是个大嗓门。

OK, you know that I’m going to show up,

好吧，你们知道我会出现，

and I’ve got a pep in my high heel, red-bottom step.

高跟鞋、红毯会给我带来活力。

I do have heaving cleavage.

我的确有很深的乳沟。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And I’ve got a tell-it-like-it-is approach to life

我对生活的态度就是直言不讳，

that’s always dosed with a ladle of love.

这种态度掺杂着爱意。

It took me 55 years to get here.

我花了 55 年才走到了这里。

So, Chris Rock, you’re right.

所以，克里斯·洛克，你是对的。

I’m a late bloomer.

我是一个晚熟的人，

And that’s OK.

但没关系。

Because I’m right on time,

因为这就是我人生的时间表，

Because it gets greater later.

因为以后会变得更好。

Thank you.

谢谢！

(Applause and cheers)

（掌声和欢呼声）