How to Discover Your Authentic Self -- at Any Age | Bevy Smith | TED

2,236,727 views ใƒป 2022-05-20

TED


ืื ื ืœื—ืฅ ืคืขืžื™ื™ื ืขืœ ื”ื›ืชื•ื‘ื™ื•ืช ื‘ืื ื’ืœื™ืช ืœืžื˜ื” ื›ื“ื™ ืœื”ืคืขื™ืœ ืืช ื”ืกืจื˜ื•ืŸ.

ืชืจื’ื•ื: Naama Lieberman ืขืจื™ื›ื”: zeeva livshitz
00:04
I am a late bloomer.
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ืื ื™ ืคืจื—ืชื™ ืžืื•ื—ืจ.
00:07
In fact, a friend of mine you may have heard of --
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ืœืžืขืฉื”, ื—ื‘ืจ ืฉืœื™, ืื•ืœื™ ืฉืžืขืชื ืขืœื™ื• -
00:09
Chris Rock --
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ื›ืจื™ืก ืจื•ืง -
00:11
he once called me the most late-blooming mofo heโ€™d ever met.
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ื”ื•ื ืคืขื ืงืจื ืœื™ ื”ื‘ืช *ื•ื ื” ื”ื›ื™ ืคื•ืจื—ืช ืžืื•ื—ืจ ืฉื”ื•ื ืคื’ืฉ.
00:15
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
00:17
Now, some people might consider that snide,
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ืื ืฉื™ื ืื•ืœื™ ื™ื—ืฉื‘ื• ืฉื–ื” ืžืขืœื™ื‘,
00:20
but I revel in it.
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ืื‘ืœ ืื ื™ ืžืชื” ืขืœ ื–ื”.
00:22
Iโ€™m 55,
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ืื ื™ ื‘ืช 55,
00:24
and Iโ€™m here in this curvy body as someone who has done the work,
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ื•ืื ื™ ื›ืืŸ ื‘ื’ื•ืฃ ืžืœื ื”ืงื™ืžื•ืจื™ื ื”ื–ื” ื›ืžื™ืฉื”ื™ ืฉืขืฉืชื” ืืช ื”ืขื‘ื•ื“ื”,
00:28
lived the life
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ื—ื™ื” ืืช ื”ื—ื™ื™ื
00:29
walked the walk in these very high heels --
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ืฆืขื“ื” ื‘ื“ืจื›ื” ื‘ืขืงื‘ื™ื ื”ืžืื•ื“ ื’ื‘ื•ื”ื™ื ื”ืืœื” --
00:32
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
00:33
and therefore is qualified to testify in the church
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ื•ืœื›ืŸ ืื ื™ ืžื•ืกืžื›ืช ืœื”ืขื™ื“ ื‘ื›ื ืกื™ื”
00:36
and in the court of law
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ื•ื‘ื‘ื™ืช ืžืฉืคื˜
00:38
that it does, in fact, get greater later.
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ืฉื‘ืืžืช, ื–ื” ื ืขืฉื” ื˜ื•ื‘ ื™ื•ืชืจ ืžืื•ื—ืจ ื™ื•ืชืจ.
00:42
(Applause and cheers)
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(ืžื—ื™ืื•ืช ื›ืคื™ื™ื ื•ืงืจื™ืื•ืช ืขื™ื“ื•ื“)
00:48
Now coming to this realization wasnโ€™t easy.
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ืœื ื”ื™ื” ืงืœ ืœื”ื’ื™ืข ืœื”ื‘ื ื” ื”ื–ื•.
00:50
At the age of 38, I was a very successful fashion advertising executive,
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ื‘ื’ื™ืœ 38 ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ื‘ื›ื™ืจื” ืžืฆืœื™ื—ื” ืžืื“ ื‘ืคืจืกื•ื ืื•ืคื ื”
00:55
and I was really living what most people considered a dream life.
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ื•ื‘ืืžืช ื—ื™ื™ืชื™ ืืช ืžื” ืฉื‘ืขื™ื ื™ ืจื•ื‘ ื”ืื ืฉื™ื ื”ื•ื ื”ื—ืœื•ื.
00:59
I was jet-setting to fashion shows;
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ื”ืชืขื•ืคืคืชื™ ืœื™ ืœืชืฆื•ื’ื•ืช ืื•ืคื ื”;
01:01
I was receiving free designer clothes;
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ืงื™ื‘ืœืชื™ ื‘ื’ื“ื™ ืžืขืฆื‘ื™ื ื‘ื—ื™ื ื;
01:03
I was double-kissing my way across the globe.
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ืคื™ื–ืจืชื™ ื ืฉื™ืงื•ืช ื›ืคื•ืœื•ืช ื‘ื›ืœ ื”ืขื•ืœื.
01:06
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
01:07
I was.
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ื‘ืืžืช.
01:09
And, you know, it was everything that I ever wanted it to be,
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ื•ืืชื ื™ื•ื“ืขื™ื, ื–ื” ื”ื™ื” ื›ืœ ืžื” ืฉืจืฆื™ืชื™ ืื™ ืคืขื
01:12
and then one day I realized I was only pretending to be happy.
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ื•ืื– ื™ื•ื ืื—ื“ ื”ื‘ื ืชื™ ืฉืื ื™ ืจืง ืžืขืžื™ื“ื” ืคื ื™ื ืฉืื ื™ ืฉืžื—ื”.
01:17
But I couldnโ€™t blow up my good life in my prime earning years, right?
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ืื‘ืœ ืœื ื™ื›ื•ืœืชื™ ืœืคื•ืฆืฅ ืืช ื”ื—ื™ื™ื ื”ื˜ื•ื‘ื™ื ืฉืœื™ ื‘ืฉื ื™ื ื”ื›ื™ ืจื•ื•ื—ื™ื•ืช, ื ื›ื•ืŸ?
01:22
Wrong.
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ืœื ื ื›ื•ืŸ.
01:24
Which leads me to lessons my mother Lolly taught me.
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ืžื” ืฉืžื•ื‘ื™ืœ ืื•ืชื™ ืœืฉื™ืขื•ืจื™ื ืฉืื™ืžื ืฉืœื™ ืœืืœื™ ืœื™ืžื“ื” ืื•ืชื™.
01:27
Lollyโ€™s number one lesson:
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ืฉื™ืขื•ืจ ืžืกืคืจ ืื—ืช ืฉืœ ืœืืœื™:
01:30
donโ€™t settle.
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ืืœ ืชืชืคืฉืจื™.
01:33
Donโ€™t settle.
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ืืœ ืชืชืคืฉืจื™.
01:34
Now Iโ€™m aware that my well-paying, glamorous career
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ืื ื™ ืžื•ื“ืขืช ืœื–ื” ืฉื”ืžืฉื›ื•ืจืช ื”ื’ื‘ื•ื”ื” ื•ื”ืงืจื™ื™ืจื” ื”ื–ื•ื”ืจืช ืฉืœื™
01:37
is not exactly the humdrum, โ€œI hate my jobโ€ stereotype
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ื–ื” ืœื ื‘ื“ื™ื•ืง ื”ืกื˜ืจืื•ื˜ื™ืค ื”ืžืฆื•ื™ ืฉืœ โ€œืื ื™ ืฉื•ื ืืช ืืช ื”ืขื‘ื•ื“ื” ืฉืœื™โ€
01:40
that most people equate with settling.
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ืฉืจื•ื‘ ื”ืื ืฉื™ื ืžืฉื•ื•ื™ื ืื•ืชื• ืœื”ืชืคืฉืจื•ืช.
01:43
But it was a settle for me,
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ืื‘ืœ ื–ื• ื”ื™ื™ืชื” ืคืฉืจื” ื‘ืฉื‘ื™ืœื™,
01:45
because when I actually did quit my job at the age of 38,
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ื›ื™ ื›ืฉื‘ืืžืช ื”ืชืคื˜ืจืชื™ ื‘ื’ื™ืœ 38,
01:48
it was with the intention that every day be a great adventure.
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ื–ื” ื”ื™ื” ื‘ื›ื•ื•ื ื” ืœื”ืคื•ืš ื›ืœ ื™ื•ื ืœื”ืจืคืชืงื” ืื“ื™ืจื”.
01:53
Now sometimes it was a very scary adventure,
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ืœืคืขืžื™ื ื–ื• ื”ื™ื™ืชื” ื”ืจืคืชืงื” ืžืคื—ื™ื“ื” ืžืื“,
01:55
like being broke from the age of 40 to 45.
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ื›ืžื• ืœื”ื™ื•ืช ืžืจื•ืฉืฉืช ืžื’ื™ืœ 40 ืขื“ 45.
01:59
But even still, I wouldnโ€™t trade that for the safe and settled version,
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ื•ืขื“ื™ื™ืŸ, ืœื ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ืžื—ืœื™ืคื” ืืช ื–ื” ื‘ื’ืจืกื” ื”ื‘ื˜ื•ื—ื” ื•ื”ืžื™ื•ืฉื‘ืช,
02:02
because if I had, I would not be here with yโ€™all today.
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ื›ื™ ืื ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ืขื•ืฉื” ืืช ื–ื”, ืœื ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ืืชื›ื ื›ืืŸ ื”ื™ื•ื.
02:06
(Applause and cheers)
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(ืžื—ื™ืื•ืช ื›ืคื™ื™ื)
02:08
Yeah.
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ื›ืŸ.
02:09
So you know how when you like, buck the system
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ืื– ืืชื ื™ื•ื“ืขื™ื ืื™ืš ื–ื” ื›ืฉืืชื ื›ืื™ืœื• ืžื˜ืœื˜ืœื™ื ืืช ื”ืžืขืจื›ืช
02:12
and go against the status quo,
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ื•ื”ื•ืœื›ื™ื ื ื’ื“ ื”ืกื˜ื˜ื•ืก ืงื•ื•,
02:14
it makes people really uncomfortable?
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ื–ื” ื’ื•ืจื ืœืื ืฉื™ื ืœื”ืจื’ื™ืฉ ืžืžืฉ ืœื ื‘ื ื•ื—?
02:18
And invariably, people will ask,
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ื•ืชืžื™ื“ ืื ืฉื™ื ื™ืฉืืœื•,
02:20
โ€œWhere do you get your confidence?โ€
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โ€œืžืื™ืคื” ื”ื‘ื™ื˜ื—ื•ืŸ ื”ืขืฆืžื™ ืฉืœืš?โ€
02:23
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
02:25
Now some people mean it as a compliment,
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ื™ืฉ ืื ืฉื™ื ืฉืžืชื›ื•ื•ื ื™ื ืœื–ื” ื›ืžื—ืžืื”,
02:29
but very often itโ€™s shady ...
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ืื‘ืœ ื”ืจื‘ื” ืคืขืžื™ื ื–ื” ืœื ื‘ืจื•ืจ...
02:32
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
02:33
and it's a silent judgment.
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ื•ื™ืฉ ื‘ื–ื” ืฉื™ืคื•ื˜ื™ื•ืช ืฉืงื˜ื”.
02:36
And to those people,
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ื•ืœืื ืฉื™ื ื”ืืœื”,
02:37
I respond with a quote from this Brooklyn poet you may have heard of,
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ืื ื™ ืขื•ื ื” ื‘ืฆื™ื˜ื•ื˜ ืฉืœ ืžืฉื•ืจืจ ืžื‘ืจื•ืงืœื™ืŸ ืฉืื•ืœื™ ืฉืžืขืชื ืขืœื™ื•,
02:40
Jay-Z.
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ื’โ€™ื™ื™-ื–ื™.
02:41
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
02:43
โ€œShe get it from her mama.โ€
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โ€œื”ื™ื ืงื‘ืœื” ืืช ื–ื” ืžืื™ืžื ืฉืœื”โ€œ.
02:45
I am she,
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ืื ื™ ื–ื• ื”ื™ื,
02:46
and my mama is the epitome of a grown-ass woman:
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ื•ืื™ืžื ืฉืœื™ ื”ื™ื ื”ื”ืชื’ืœืžื•ืช ื”ืžื•ืฉืœืžืช ืฉืœ ืื™ืฉื” ื‘ื•ื’ืจืช ื•ืขืฆืžืื™ืช:
02:50
someone who has always been very comfortable in her skin.
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ืžื™ืฉื”ื™ ืฉืชืžื™ื“ ื”ืจื’ื™ืฉื” ืžืื•ื“ ื‘ื ื•ื— ื‘ืขื•ืจ ืฉืœ ืขืฆืžื”.
02:54
In 1965, my mom was 37 years old.
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ื‘-1965, ืื™ืžื ืฉืœื™ ื”ื™ื™ืชื” ื‘ืช 37.
02:57
She already had one child,
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ื›ื‘ืจ ื”ื™ื” ืœื” ื™ืœื“ ืื—ื“,
02:58
my big brother, Gerry,
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ืื—ื™ ื”ื’ื“ื•ืœ, ื’โ€™ืจื™,
03:00
and she married my dad, but she kept her maiden name.
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ื•ื”ื™ื ื”ืชื—ืชื ื” ืขื ืื‘ื ืฉืœื™, ืื‘ืœ ื”ื™ื ืฉืžืจื” ืขืœ ืฉื ื”ื ืขื•ืจื™ื ืฉืœื”.
03:03
And then she had my sister Stephanie and I back-to-back,
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ื•ืื– ื ื•ืœื“ื ื• ืื—ื•ืชื™ ืกื˜ืคื ื™ ื•ืื ื™ ืื—ืช ืื—ืจื™ ื”ืฉื ื™ื™ื”,
03:07
but she continued to work
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ืื‘ืœ ื”ื™ื ื”ืžืฉื™ื›ื” ืœืขื‘ื•ื“
03:08
because she refused to be beholden to my dad for money.
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ื›ื™ ื”ื™ื ืกืจื‘ื” ืœื”ื™ื•ืช ืชืœื•ื™ื” ื›ืœื›ืœื™ืช ื‘ืื‘ื ืฉืœื™.
03:12
And I bet my mom was the only woman in our neighborhood
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ื•ืื ื™ ืžืชืขืจื‘ืช ืฉืื™ืžื ืฉืœื™ ื”ื™ื™ืชื” ื”ืื™ืฉื” ื”ื™ื—ื™ื“ื” ื‘ืฉื›ื•ื ื” ืฉืœื ื•
03:16
who cooked once a week.
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ืฉื‘ื™ืฉืœื” ืคืขื ื‘ืฉื‘ื•ืข.
03:18
She made Sunday dinner.
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ืืจื•ื—ืช ืขืจื‘ ื‘ื™ื•ื ืจืืฉื•ืŸ.
03:19
It was an extravaganza,
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ื–ื• ื”ื™ื™ืชื” ื—ื’ื™ื’ื” ืžืคื•ืืจืช,
03:21
but thatโ€™s all she did.
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ืื‘ืœ ื–ื” ื›ืœ ืžื” ืฉื”ื™ื ืขืฉืชื”.
03:22
She cooked one day a week.
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ื”ื™ื ื‘ื™ืฉืœื” ื™ื•ื ืื—ื“ ื‘ืฉื‘ื•ืข.
03:24
My mom is just amazing.
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ืื™ืžื ืฉืœื™ ืคืฉื•ื˜ ืžื“ื”ื™ืžื”.
03:27
And she also had this ability of talking to her children about real life
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ื•ื”ื™ื™ืชื” ืœื” ื”ื™ื›ื•ืœืช ืœื“ื‘ืจ ืขื ื”ื™ืœื“ื™ื ืฉืœื” ืขืœ ื”ื—ื™ื™ื ื”ืืžืชื™ื™ื
03:32
and making sure that we understood the virtues of going your own way,
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ื•ืœื•ื•ื“ื ืฉื”ื‘ื ื• ืืช ื”ืขืจืš ืฉืœ ืขืฆืžืื•ืช,
03:36
which is why I believe today at the age of 94,
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ื•ืื ื™ ืžืืžื™ื ื” ืฉื–ื• ื”ืกื™ื‘ื” ืฉื”ื™ื•ื ื‘ื’ื™ืœ 94,
03:40
and a recent widow,
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ืืœืžื ื” ื˜ืจื™ื™ื”,
03:41
my mom is still carving out ways
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ืื™ืžื ืฉืœื™ ืขื“ื™ื™ืŸ ืžื•ืฆืืช ืœื” ื“ืจื›ื™ื
03:44
to find and determine and define her own version of happiness.
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ืœื’ืœื•ืช ื•ืœื”ื—ืœื™ื˜ ื•ืœื”ื’ื“ื™ืจ ืžื” ื”ื’ืจืกื” ืฉืœื” ืœืื•ืฉืจ.
03:50
She cooks for herself.
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ื”ื™ื ืžื‘ืฉืœืช ืœืขืฆืžื”.
03:52
She maintains her home exactly as she sees fit.
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ื”ื™ื ืžื—ื–ื™ืงื” ืืช ื”ื‘ื™ืช ืฉืœื” ื‘ื“ื™ื•ืง ื›ืžื• ืฉืžืชืื™ื ืœื”.
03:55
She enjoys champagne and R-rated films.
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ื”ื™ื ื ื”ื ื™ืช ืžืฉืžืคื ื™ื” ื•ืžืกืจื˜ื™ื ืœืžื‘ื•ื’ืจื™ื ื‘ืœื‘ื“.
03:59
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
04:00
(Applause)
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(ืžื—ื™ืื•ืช ื›ืคื™ื™ื)
04:02
My mom has managed to maintain her glamour,
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ืื™ืžื ืฉืœื™ ื”ืฆืœื™ื—ื” ืœืฉืžื•ืจ ืขืœ ื”ื–ื•ื”ืจ ืฉืœื”,
04:05
her sex appeal,
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ื”ืกืงืก ืืคื™ืœ ืฉืœื”,
04:07
you know, her independence.
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ืืชื ื™ื•ื“ืขื™ื, ื”ืขืฆืžืื•ืช ืฉืœื”.
04:10
And I really hope some of that rubs off on me.
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ื•ืื ื™ ื‘ืืžืช ืžืงื•ื•ื” ืฉื—ืœืง ืžื–ื” ื™ืขื‘ื•ืจ ืืœื™.
04:13
You know, recently Iโ€™ve been thinking about one of the best lessons
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ืœืื—ืจื•ื ื” ืื ื™ ื—ื•ืฉื‘ืช ืขืœ ืื—ื“ ื”ืฉื™ืขื•ืจื™ื ื”ื›ื™ ื˜ื•ื‘ื™ื
04:17
that my mom ever taught me,
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ืฉืื™ืžื ืฉืœื™ ืœื™ืžื“ื” ืื•ืชื™ ืื™ ืคืขื,
04:19
which is the literal beauty in aging.
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ื•ื–ื” ื”ื™ื•ืคื™ ื”ืžื™ืœื•ืœื™ ืฉื‘ื”ื–ื“ืงื ื•ืช.
04:22
Now, we all know that Black donโ€™t crack, right?
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ื›ื•ืœื ื• ื™ื•ื“ืขื™ื ืฉืฉื—ื•ืจ ืœื ืžืชืงืžื˜, ื ื›ื•ืŸ?
04:26
OK...
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ืื•ืงื™ื™...
04:27
Black donโ€™t crack.
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ืฉื—ื•ืจ ืœื ืžืชืงืžื˜.
04:29
So at the age of 50, my mom could have easily passed for the age of 35.
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ืื– ื‘ื’ื™ืœ 50, ืื™ืžื ืฉืœื™ ื‘ืงืœื•ืช ื ืจืืชื” ื›ืžื• ื‘ืช 35.
04:34
And you know, thatโ€™s back during the time when people --
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ืืชื ื™ื•ื“ืขื™ื, ื–ื” ื”ื™ื” ื‘ื–ืžืŸ ื›ืฉืื ืฉื™ื --
04:37
women were really coy about their age.
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ื ืฉื™ื ื”ื™ื• ื‘ื™ื™ืฉื ื™ื•ืช ืžืื“ ืœื’ื‘ื™ ื”ื’ื™ืœ ืฉืœื”ืŸ.
04:39
โ€œOh, a lady never tells her age.โ€
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โ€œืื•, ื’ื‘ืจืช ืืฃ ืคืขื ืœื ืžื’ืœื” ืืช ื”ื’ื™ืœ ืฉืœื”โ€œ.
04:42
My mom never subscribed to that.
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ืื™ืžื ืฉืœื™ ืืฃ ืคืขื ืœื ื”ืกื›ื™ืžื” ืขื ื–ื”.
04:44
She was always proud of her age.
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ื”ื™ื ืชืžื™ื“ ื”ื™ื™ืชื” ื’ืื” ื‘ื’ื™ืœ ืฉืœื”.
04:45
As a matter of fact,
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ืœืžืขืŸ ื”ืืžืช,
04:47
she believes you may not tell your age,
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ื”ื™ื ืžืืžื™ื ื” ืฉืื•ืœื™ ืืช ืœื ืžื’ืœื” ืžื” ื”ื’ื™ืœ ืฉืœืš,
04:49
but your hands and your neck will.
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ืื‘ืœ ื”ื™ื“ื™ื™ื ื•ื”ืฆื•ื•ืืจ ืฉืœืš ื›ืŸ.
04:52
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
04:53
So make peace with aging,
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ืื– ืชืฉืœื™ืžื• ืขื ื”ื”ื–ื“ืงื ื•ืช,
04:55
or prepare for an entire wardrobe of gloves and turtlenecks.
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ืื• ืฉืชืชื›ื•ื ื ื• ืœืžืœืชื—ื” ืฉืœืžื” ืฉืœ ื›ืคืคื•ืช ื•ื—ื•ืœืฆื•ืช ื’ื•ืœืฃ.
04:59
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
05:04
Yeah, my mom has always done these wonderful things like that,
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ื›ืŸ, ืื™ืžื ืฉืœื™ ืชืžื™ื“ ืขืฉืชื” ื“ื‘ืจื™ื ื ืคืœืื™ื ื›ืืœื”,
05:08
but I wish she could rub off on everyone
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ืื‘ืœ ื”ืœื•ื•ืื™ ืฉืœื›ื•ืœื ื”ื™ื” ืืช ื–ื”
05:10
because I feel like now Iโ€™m looking at even 20-somethings
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ื›ื™ ืื ื™ ืžืจื’ื™ืฉื” ืฉืขื›ืฉื™ื• ืื ื™ ืžืกืชื›ืœืช ืืคื™ืœื• ืขืœ ื‘ื ื™ ืขืฉืจื™ื ื•ืžืฉื”ื•
05:14
who have a fear of aging.
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ืฉืžืคื—ื“ื™ื ืœื”ื–ื“ืงืŸ.
05:15
I watch them on social media,
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ืื ื™ ืจื•ืื” ืื•ืชื ื‘ืจืฉืชื•ืช ื”ื—ื‘ืจืชื™ื•ืช,
05:17
like, you know, compulsively practiclng the latest 10-second dance craze,
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ืžืชืืžื ื™ื ื‘ื›ืคื™ื™ืชื™ื•ืช ืขืœ ืจื™ืงื•ื“ ืฉื”ื•ื ื”ื˜ื™ืจื•ืฃ ื”ื—ื“ืฉ ืฉื™ื—ื–ื™ืง 10 ืฉื ื™ื•ืช
05:22
and it feels like their angsty
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ื•ื–ื” ื ืจืื” ืฉื”ื ื—ืจื“ืชื™ื™ื
05:23
and asking, โ€œIs that all there is?โ€
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ื•ืฉื•ืืœื™ื โ€œื–ื” ื›ืœ ืžื” ืฉื™ืฉ?โ€
05:26
And I just want to yell,
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ื•ืื ื™ ืคืฉื•ื˜ ืจื•ืฆื” ืœืฆืขื•ืง,
05:27
โ€œYes, that is all there is if all youโ€™re going to do is settle
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โ€œื›ืŸ, ื–ื” ื›ืœ ืžื” ืฉื™ืฉ ืื ื›ืœ ืžื” ืฉืชืขืฉื™ ื–ื” ืœื”ืชืคืฉืจ
05:30
for dancing to someone elseโ€™s TikTok beat!โ€
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ืขืœ ืจื™ืงื•ื“ ืœืงืฆื‘ ื”ื˜ื™ืง-ื˜ื•ืง ืฉืœ ืžื™ืฉื”ื• ืื—ืจ!โ€
05:33
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
05:34
(Applause and cheers)
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(ืžื—ื™ืื•ืช ื›ืคื™ื™ื)
05:37
Settling is very insidious.
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ื”ืชืคืฉืจื•ืช ื–ื” ื“ื‘ืจ ืขืจืžื•ืžื™ ื•ืžื˜ืขื”.
05:40
It keeps us dancing on this string,
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ื–ื” ื’ื•ืจื ืœื ื• ืœืจืงื•ื“ ืขืœ ื—ื•ื˜ ื“ืง,
05:42
waiting for this elusive, better day to miraculously appear.
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ืœื—ื›ื•ืช ืœื™ื•ื ื—ืžืงืžืง, ื˜ื•ื‘ ื™ื•ืชืจ, ืฉื™ื•ืคื™ืข ื‘ืื•ืจื— ืคืœื.
05:46
Now thanks to Lollyโ€™s tutelage, thatโ€™s not my story.
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ื”ื•ื“ื•ืช ืœื—ื™ื ื•ืš ืฉืœ ืœืืœื™, ื–ื” ืœื ื”ืกื™ืคื•ืจ ืฉืœื™.
05:50
In fact, I take each day as it comes
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ืœืžืขืŸ ื”ืืžืช, ืื ื™ ืœื•ืงื—ืช ื›ืœ ื™ื•ื ื‘ื ืคืจื“
05:53
but I try to make it better than the last.
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ืื‘ืœ ืžื ืกื” ืฉื™ื”ื™ื” ื˜ื•ื‘ ื™ื•ืชืจ ืžื”ืงื•ื“ื.
05:55
So, you know, Iโ€™m single ...
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ืื–, ืืชื ื™ื•ื“ืขื™ื, ืื ื™ ืจื•ื•ืงื”...
05:57
but Iโ€™m always ready to mingle.
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ื•ืชืžื™ื“ ืคื ื•ื™ื” ืœื”ืฆืขื•ืช.
06:00
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
06:02
Iโ€™m an entrepreneur,
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ืื ื™ ื™ื–ืžื™ืช,
06:04
but I keep multiple revenue streams.
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ืื‘ืœ ืื ื™ ืฉื•ืžืจืช ืขืœ ื›ืžื” ืขืจื•ืฆื™ ื”ื›ื ืกื”.
06:07
Iโ€™m a solo traveler,
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ืื ื™ ืžื˜ื™ื™ืœืช ืœื‘ื“,
06:08
which means Iโ€™ve done the sepia version of โ€œEat, Pray, Loveโ€ on six continents.
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ื–ืืช ืื•ืžืจืช ืฉืขืฉื™ืชื™ ืืช ื”ื’ืจืกื” ื”ื—ื•ืžื” ืฉืœ โ€œืœืื›ื•ืœ, ืœื”ืชืคืœืœ, ืœืื”ื•ื‘โ€ ื‘ืฉืฉ ื™ื‘ืฉื•ืช.
06:16
Because I donโ€™t settle.
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ื›ื™ ืื ื™ ืœื ืžืชืคืฉืจืช.
06:19
What that means is that I also donโ€™t second-guess my decisions,
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ื–ื” ื’ื ืื•ืžืจ ืฉืื ื™ ืœื ืžืคืงืคืงืช ื‘ื”ื—ืœื˜ื•ืช ืฉืœื™,
06:22
and Iโ€™m also not worried about my future
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ื•ืื ื™ ื’ื ืœื ืžื•ื“ืื’ืช ืœื’ื‘ื™ ื”ืขืชื™ื“ ืฉืœื™
06:25
because Iโ€™m firmly rooted in the present.
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ื›ื™ ืื ื™ ื ื˜ื•ืขื” ื—ื–ืง ื‘ื”ื•ื•ื”.
06:28
Settling is a really sinister thing.
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ื”ืชืคืฉืจื•ืช ื–ื” ื“ื‘ืจ ืžืจื•ืฉืข ืžืžืฉ.
06:30
It will keep you up at night tossing and turning,
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ื–ื” ื™ืฉืื™ืจ ืืชื›ื ืขืจื™ื ื‘ืœื™ืœื” ืžืชื’ืœื’ืœื™ื ื‘ืžื™ื˜ื”,
06:33
trying to figure out why
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ืžื ืกื™ื ืœื”ื‘ื™ืŸ ืœืžื”
06:34
and trying to answer that age-old question of โ€œIs that all there is?โ€
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ืžื ืกื™ื ืœืขื ื•ืช ืขืœ ื”ืฉืืœื” ื”ืขืชื™ืงื” โ€œื–ื” ื›ืœ ืžื” ืฉื™ืฉ?โ€
06:38
Personally, I donโ€™t have time for that,
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ื‘ืื•ืคืŸ ืื™ืฉื™, ืื™ืŸ ืœื™ ื–ืžืŸ ืœื–ื”,
06:41
because the only time I want to be kept up all night long tossing and turning
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ื›ื™ ื”ืžืงืจื” ื”ื™ื—ื™ื“ ืฉื‘ื• ืื ื™ ืจื•ืฆื” ืœื”ื™ืฉืืจ ืขืจื” ื›ืœ ื”ืœื™ืœื” ื•ืœื”ืชื’ืœื’ืœ ื‘ืžื™ื˜ื”
06:45
is when Iโ€™m in the company of a fine-ass man.
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ื–ื” ื‘ื—ื‘ืจืชื• ืฉืœ ื’ื‘ืจ ื—ืชื™ืš ื”ื•ืจืก.
06:47
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
06:48
(Applause and cheers)
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(ืžื—ื™ืื•ืช ื›ืคื™ื™ื)
06:50
That's it.
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ื–ื”ื• ื–ื”.
06:51
(Applause)
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(ืžื—ื™ืื•ืช ื›ืคื™ื™ื)
06:54
I wish I could tell you guys
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ื”ืœื•ื•ืื™ ืฉื™ื›ื•ืœืชื™ ืœื”ื’ื™ื“ ืœื›ื
06:55
that I learned all these valuable lessons from Lolly
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ืฉืœืžื“ืชื™ ืืช ื›ืœ ื”ืฉื™ืขื•ืจื™ื ื”ื—ืฉื•ื‘ื™ื ื”ืืœื” ืžืœืืœื™
06:58
and they were instilled in me and it was great,
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ื•ื”ื ืžื•ื˜ืžืขื™ื ื‘ื™ ื•ืฉื–ื” ื ื”ื“ืจ,
07:00
but alas, I am a late bloomer in all regards.
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ืื‘ืœ ื—ื‘ืœ, ืคืจื—ืชื™ ืžืื•ื—ืจ ื‘ื›ืœ ื”ืžื•ื‘ื ื™ื.
07:03
So I had to learn a couple of lessons from the era of Bitchy Bevy.
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ื ืืœืฆืชื™ ืœืœืžื•ื“ ื›ืžื” ืฉื™ืขื•ืจื™ื ืžื”ืขื™ื“ืŸ ืฉืœ ื‘ื•ื•ื™ ื”ื‘ื™ืฆโ€™ื™ืช.
07:12
What kind of person has 10 assistants in five years?
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ืœืื™ื–ื” ื‘ืŸ ืื“ื ื™ืฉ 10 ืขื•ื–ืจื™ื ื‘ื—ืžืฉ ืฉื ื™ื?
07:17
Bitchy Bevy, thatโ€™s who.
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ืœื‘ื•ื•ื™ ื”ื‘ื™ืฆโ€™ื™ืช.
07:18
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
07:20
Now I didnโ€™t start out my career with a toxic attitude.
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ืœื ื”ืชื—ืœืชื™ ืืช ื”ืงืจื™ื™ืจื” ืฉืœื™ ื‘ื’ื™ืฉื” ืจืขื™ืœื”.
07:22
No, initially I was really happy to be in the fashion industry.
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ืœื, ื‘ื”ืชื—ืœื” ืžืžืฉ ืฉืžื—ืชื™ ืœื”ื™ื•ืช ื‘ืชืขืฉื™ื™ืช ื”ืื•ืคื ื”.
07:26
You know, but then I began to compare my trajectory to others,
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ืื‘ืœ ืื– ื”ืชื—ืœืชื™ ืœื”ืฉื•ื•ืช ืืช ื”ืžืกืœื•ืœ ืฉืœื™ ืœืื—ืจื™ื,
07:29
and I also began to feel burned out
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ื•ื’ื ื”ืชื—ืœืชื™ ืœื”ืจื’ื™ืฉ ืฉื—ื™ืงื”
07:31
because I was burdened by these personas that I had created
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ื›ื™ ื”ืขื™ืงื• ืขืœื™ ื”ืคืจืกื•ื ื•ืช ื”ืืœื” ืฉื™ืฆืจืชื™ ืœืขืฆืžื™
07:34
that were allegedly going to help me progress in my career.
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ืฉื”ื™ื• ืืžื•ืจื•ืช ืœืขื–ื•ืจ ืœื™ ืœื”ืชืงื“ื ื‘ืงืจื™ื™ืจื”.
07:37
I made a couple of mistakes.
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ืขืฉื™ืชื™ ื›ืžื” ื˜ืขื•ื™ื•ืช.
07:39
One, I thought that being snarky was a good career move.
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ืื—ืช, ื—ืฉื‘ืชื™ ืฉืœืงื˜ื•ืœ ืื—ืจื™ื ื–ื” ืžื”ืœืš ื˜ื•ื‘ ืœืงืจื™ื™ืจื”.
07:42
It wasnโ€™t.
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ื–ื” ืœื.
07:43
I also thought I look good in the color brown.
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ื’ื ื—ืฉื‘ืชื™ ืฉืื ื™ ื ืจืื™ืช ื˜ื•ื‘ ื‘ืฆื‘ืข ื—ื•ื.
07:45
I actually donโ€™t.
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ืื ื™ ื‘ืขืฆื ืœื.
07:46
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
07:47
Yeah.
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ื›ืŸ.
07:48
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
07:51
And, you know, I just --
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ื•ืืชื ื™ื•ื“ืขื™ื, ืื ื™ ืคืฉื•ื˜ --
07:53
in my dream montage,
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ื‘ืชืกืจื™ื˜ ื”ื—ืœื•ืžื•ืช ืฉืœื™,
07:55
I wanted to get away from Bitchy Bevy.
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ืจืฆื™ืชื™ ืœื”ืชืจื—ืง ืžื‘ื•ื•ื™ ื”ื‘ื™ืฆโ€™ื™ืช.
07:57
I wanted to get away from the color brown.
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ืจืฆื™ืชื™ ืœื”ืชืจื—ืง ืžื”ืฆื‘ืข ื”ื—ื•ื.
07:59
And so in the movie version of my life,
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ืื– ื‘ืกืจื˜ ืฉืœ ื”ื—ื™ื™ื ืฉืœื™,
08:02
as soon as I quit my job,
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ื‘ืจื’ืข ืฉืื ื™ ืžืชืคื˜ืจืช,
08:03
Iโ€™m a yoga guru.
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ืื ื™ ื’ื•ืจื• ื™ื•ื’ื”.
08:07
Iโ€™m extremely limber and very happy.
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ืื ื™ ื’ืžื™ืฉื” ื ื•ืจื ื•ืฉืžื—ื” ืžืื“.
08:10
Come to think of it though, guys,
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ืื‘ืœ ื›ืฉื—ื•ืฉื‘ื™ื ืขืœ ื–ื”,
08:11
Iโ€™m actually limber and happy right now.
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ืื ื™ ื’ืžื™ืฉื” ื•ืฉืžื—ื” ืขื›ืฉื™ื•.
08:14
But I would be lying --
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ืื‘ืœ ืื ื™ ืืฉืงืจ ืื ืื•ืžืจ --
08:15
and I believe it is against international law
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ื•ืื ื™ ืžืืžื™ื ื” ืฉื–ื” ืžื ื•ื’ื“ ืœื—ื•ืง ื”ื‘ื™ืŸ-ืœืื•ืžื™
08:18
to lie during a TED Talk --
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ืœืฉืงืจ ื‘ื”ืจืฆืืช TED --
08:20
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
08:21
so Iโ€™m not going to do that.
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ืื– ืื ื™ ืœื ืืขืฉื” ืืช ื–ื”.
08:23
And as a matter of fact, my insecurities popped back up as late as last year.
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ืœืžืขืŸ ื”ืืžืช, ื—ื•ืกืจ ื”ื‘ื™ื˜ื—ื•ืŸ ืฉืœื™ ืงืคืฅ ืฉื•ื‘ ื‘ืฉื ื” ืฉืขื‘ืจื”.
08:28
I was minding my business, as one does, perusing social media,
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ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ืขืกื•ืงื” ื‘ืขื ื™ื™ื ื™, ื›ืžื• ืฉืงื•ืจื”, ืžื“ืคื“ืคืช ื‘ืจืฉืชื•ืช ื—ื‘ืจืชื™ื•ืช,
08:33
and I saw people excelling in a space
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ื•ืจืื™ืชื™ ืื ืฉื™ื ืžืฆื˜ื™ื™ื ื™ื ื‘ืชื—ื•ื
08:36
where I, you know, traditionally had a lot of success.
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ืฉื‘ื•, ื‘ืื•ืคืŸ ืžืกื•ืจืชื™, ื”ืฆืœื—ืชื™ ืžืื“.
08:39
So Iโ€™m looking at it and Iโ€™m like,
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ืื– ืื ื™ ืžืกืชื›ืœืช ืขืœ ื–ื” ื•ื›ืื™ืœื•,
08:41
โ€œWell, why the hell they ainโ€™t call me for that job?โ€
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โ€œื˜ื•ื‘, ืœืžื” ืœืขื–ืื–ืœ ืœื ืžื–ืžื™ื ื™ื ืื•ืชื™ ืœืขื‘ื•ื“ื” ื”ื–ื•?โ€
08:44
And I have this, like, angst,
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ื•ื™ืฉ ืœื™ ืžืŸ ื—ืจื“ื”
08:46
and then I realize they didnโ€™t call me for that job
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ื•ืื– ืื ื™ ืžื‘ื™ื ื” ืฉืœื ื ืชื ื• ืœื™ ืืช ื”ืขื‘ื•ื“ื”
08:49
because you already said you didnโ€™t want that job.
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ื›ื™ ื›ื‘ืจ ืืžืจืช ืฉืืช ืœื ืจื•ืฆื” ืื•ืชื”.
08:51
You told the universe you werenโ€™t into working like that.
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ืืžืจืช ืœื™ืงื•ื ืฉืืช ืœื ืขื•ื‘ื“ืช ื›ื›ื”.
08:54
You donโ€™t want a job --
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ืืช ืœื ืจื•ืฆื” ืขื‘ื•ื“ื” --
08:55
I really donโ€™t.
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ืื ื™ ื‘ืืžืช ืœื.
08:56
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
08:57
Iโ€™m not into it.
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ืื ื™ ืœื ื‘ืขื ื™ื™ืŸ.
08:59
So...
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ืื–...
09:00
thatโ€™s why it happened.
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ื–ื• ื”ืกื™ื‘ื” ืฉื–ื” ืงืจื”.
09:02
And what I realize is that intellectually I had grown and evolved,
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ื•ื”ื‘ื ืชื™ ืฉืžื‘ื—ื™ื ื” ืื™ื ื˜ืœืงื˜ื•ืืœื™ืช ื’ื“ืœืชื™ ื•ื”ืชืคืชื—ืชื™,
09:07
but emotionally ...
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ืื‘ืœ ืจื’ืฉื™ืช...
09:10
I was Tom Petty
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ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ื˜ื•ื ืคื˜ื™ (ื ืฉืžืข ื›ืžื• ืงื˜ื ื•ื ื™)
09:11
and I was living in โ€œPetticoat Junction.โ€
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ื•ื—ื™ื™ืชื™ ื‘โ€œืขื™ืจ ื”ืงื˜ื ื•ื ื™ืโ€œ.
09:14
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
09:15
I told yโ€™all that brown doesnโ€™t look good on me;
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ืืžืจืชื ืœื›ื ื›ื‘ืจ ืฉื—ื•ื ืœื ืžืชืื™ื ืœื™;
09:18
petty looks even worse.
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ืงื˜ื ื•ื ื™ื•ืช ื ืจืื™ืช ืืคื™ืœื• ืขื•ื“ ื™ื•ืชืจ ื’ืจื•ืข.
09:20
Itโ€™s not my shade.
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ื–ื” ืœื ื”ื’ื•ื•ืŸ ืฉืœื™.
09:23
And so what I wound up having to do was really get a grip.
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ืื– ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ื—ื™ื™ื‘ืช ืœืชืคื•ืก ืืช ืขืฆืžื™ ื‘ื™ื“ื™ื™ื.
09:28
I had to assess a few things about myself,
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ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ืฆืจื™ื›ื” ืœื”ืขืจื™ืš ื›ืžื” ื“ื‘ืจื™ื ื‘ืงืฉืจ ืœืขืฆืžื™,
09:30
and I decided to do a little self-help ritual called ...
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ื•ื”ื—ืœื˜ืชื™ ืœืขืฉื•ืช ื˜ืงืก ืขื–ืจื”-ืขืฆืžื™ืช ืฉื ืงืจื...
09:34
โ€œTake a note, give a note.โ€
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โ€œืœืฉื™ื ืœื‘, ืœืชืช ืœื‘โ€œ.
09:36
Itโ€™s easy.
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ื–ื” ืงืœ.
09:37
When you see someone having something that you believe you deserve,
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ื›ืฉืืช ืจื•ืื” ืฉืœืžื™ืฉื”ื• ื™ืฉ ืžืฉื”ื• ืฉืœื“ืขืชืš ืžื’ื™ืข ืœืš,
09:40
you take a note.
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ืืช ืฉืžื” ืœื‘.
09:41
You ask yourself a few questions.
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ืืช ืฉื•ืืœืช ืืช ืขืฆืžืš ื›ืžื” ืฉืืœื•ืช.
09:43
Is it something that you really want?
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ื”ืื ื–ื” ืžืฉื”ื• ืฉืืช ื‘ืืžืช ืจื•ืฆื”?
09:45
Perhaps that person is better suited than you are for that.
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ืื•ืœื™ ื–ื” ืžืชืื™ื ื™ื•ืชืจ ืœืื“ื ื”ืฉื ื™ ืžืืฉืจ ืœืš.
09:49
Does the universe --
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ื”ืื ื”ื™ืงื•ื --
09:50
is the universe conspiring for you to have that?
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ื”ืื ื”ื™ืงื•ื ืžืืคืฉืจ ืœืš ืœื”ืฉื™ื’ ืืช ื–ื”?
09:52
Really kind of try and be honest with who you are
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ื‘ืืžืช ืœื ืกื•ืช ื•ืœื”ื™ื•ืช ื›ื ื” ื‘ืงืฉืจ ืœืžื™ ืฉืืช
09:55
and where youโ€™re at in life.
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ื•ืื™ืคื” ืืช ื‘ื—ื™ื™ื.
09:57
Once you do that, you take a deep breath --
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ืื—ืจื™ ืฉืืช ืขื•ืฉื” ืืช ื–ื”, ืืช ื ื•ืฉืžืช ืขืžื•ืง --
10:00
(Inhales)
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(ืฉื•ืืคืช)
10:01
and you say, โ€œTheir wins have nothing to do with my worthiness.โ€
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ื•ืื•ืžืจืช โ€œื”ื ื™ืฆื—ื•ื ื•ืช ืฉืœื”ื ืœื ืงืฉื•ืจื™ื ืœืขืจืš ืฉืœื™โ€œ.
10:05
And then youโ€™re ready to give a note.
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ื•ืื– ืืช ืžื•ื›ื ื” ืœืชืช ืœื‘.
10:08
You go on social media,
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ืืช ื ื›ื ืกืช ืœืžื“ื™ื” ื—ื‘ืจืชื™ืช,
10:10
and you say congratulations.
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ื•ืืช ืื•ืžืจืช ืžื–ืœ ื˜ื•ื‘.
10:12
Or my personal favorite,
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ืื• ื”ืื”ื•ื‘ ืขืœื™ ื‘ื™ื•ืชืจ,
10:13
you pick up the phone, like itโ€™s the 20th century,
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ืืช ืžืจื™ืžื” ื˜ืœืคื•ืŸ ื›ืื™ืœื• ืฉื–ื• ื”ืžืื” ื”-20,
10:16
and you say, โ€œCongratulations,
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ื•ืืช ืื•ืžืจืช โ€œืžื–ืœ ื˜ื•ื‘,
10:18
kudos, you did that, Al!
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ื›ืœ ื”ื›ื‘ื•ื“, ืขืฉื™ืช ืืช ื–ื”!
10:20
You go, girl!โ€
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ืื™ืŸ ื›ืžื•ืš!โ€
10:21
You do all the things.
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ืืช ืขื•ืฉื” ื”ื›ื•ืœ.
10:22
Instantly you feel like a better human being
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ืžื™ื“ ืืช ืžืจื’ื™ืฉื” ื›ืžื• ื‘ืŸ ืื“ื ื˜ื•ื‘ ื™ื•ืชืจ
10:25
because you have actually extended grace.
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ื›ื™ ืขืฉื™ืช ืœืžื™ืฉื”ื• ื—ืกื“.
10:29
Youโ€™ve extended grace.
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ืขืฉื™ืช ื—ืกื“.
10:31
Youโ€™ve extended grace to someone else.
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ืขืฉื™ืช ื—ืกื“ ืขื ืžื™ืฉื”ื• ืื—ืจ.
10:34
And I believe that when you remove malice from your heart,
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ื•ืื ื™ ืžืืžื™ื ื” ืฉื›ืฉืžืกื™ืจื™ื ืจื•ืข ืžื”ืœื‘,
10:37
not only do you feel better, you look better.
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ืœื ืจืง ืžืจื’ื™ืฉื™ื ื˜ื•ื‘ ื™ื•ืชืจ, ื’ื ื ืจืื™ื ื˜ื•ื‘ ื™ื•ืชืจ.
10:40
I think you lose your frown lines and your wrinkles lessen
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ืื ื™ ื—ื•ืฉื‘ืช ืฉืืช ืžืื‘ื“ืช ืืช ืงืžื˜ื™ ื”ื–ืขืฃ ื•ื™ืฉ ืœืš ืคื—ื•ืช ืงืžื˜ื™ื
10:44
and your age spots disappear.
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ื•ื›ืชืžื™ ื”ื’ื™ืœ ื ืขืœืžื™ื.
10:46
I believe itโ€™s better than Botox,
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ืื ื™ ืžืืžื™ื ื” ืฉื–ื” ื™ื•ืชืจ ื˜ื•ื‘ ืžื‘ื•ื˜ื•ืงืก,
10:48
extending grace.
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ืœืขืฉื•ืช ื—ืกื“.
10:49
I do.
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ื‘ืืžืช.
10:50
(Applause)
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(ืžื—ื™ืื•ืช ื›ืคื™ื™ื)
10:53
Yeah.
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ื›ืŸ.
10:55
No, but let me get back to the note thing.
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ืื‘ืœ ืชื ื• ืœื™ ืœื—ื–ื•ืจ ืœืชืฉื•ืžืช ืœื‘.
10:57
So one of my favorite notes is from Willie Shakespeare.
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ืื—ื“ ืžื”ืฆื™ื˜ื•ื˜ื™ื ื”ืื”ื•ื‘ื™ื ืขืœื™ ื”ื•ื ืฉืœ ื•ื•ื™ืœื™ ืฉื™ื™ืงืกืคื™ืจ.
11:03
โ€œTo thine own self be true.โ€
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โ€œื”ื™ื™ื”-ื ื ืืžื™ืชื™ ืœืขืฆืžืšโ€œ.
11:06
Now weโ€™ve all read self-help books,
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ื›ื•ืœื ื• ืงืจืื ื• ืกืคืจื™ ืขื–ืจื” ืขืฆืžื™ืช,
11:08
and the first line of defense is always โ€œBe your most authentic self.โ€
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ื•ืงื• ื”ื”ื’ื ื” ื”ืจืืฉื•ืŸ ื”ื•ื ืชืžื™ื“ ืœื”ื™ื•ืช โ€œื”ืขืฆืžื™ ื”ืื•ืชื ื˜ื™ ื‘ื™ื•ืชืจโ€œ.
11:13
And I believe in that.
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ื•ืื ื™ ืžืืžื™ื ื” ื‘ื–ื”.
11:15
I believe that nobody can be you but you,
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ืื ื™ ืžืืžื™ื ื” ืฉืืฃ ืื—ื“ ืœื ื™ื›ื•ืœ ืœื”ื™ื•ืช ืืช ื—ื•ืฅ ืžืžืš,
11:18
so you might as well show up and show out.
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ืื– ืขื“ื™ืฃ ื›ื‘ืจ ืฉืชื•ืคื™ืขื™ ื•ืชื–ืจื—ื™.
11:21
But hereโ€™s the quandary that the bard never put forth.
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ืื‘ืœ ื”ื ื” ื”ื—ื™ื“ื” ืฉื”ืžืฉื•ืจืจ ืžืขื•ืœื ืœื ืคืชืจ.
11:24
What if you donโ€™t really know who you are because you suppressed your inner self?
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ืžื” ืื ืืช ืœื ื‘ืืžืช ื™ื•ื“ืขืช ืžื™ ืืช ื›ื™ ื”ื“ื—ืงืช ืืช ื”ืขืฆืžื™ ื”ืคื ื™ืžื™ ืฉืœืš?
11:29
Youโ€™ve suppressed the core of you.
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ื”ื“ื—ืงืช ืืช ื”ืœื™ื‘ื” ืฉืœืš.
11:31
Youโ€™ve suppressed the best parts of you
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ื”ื“ื—ืงืช ืืช ื”ื—ืœืงื™ื ื”ื˜ื•ื‘ื™ื ื‘ื™ื•ืชืจ ืฉืœืš
11:33
because you took on these other identities and these personas
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ื›ื™ ืฉืžืช ืขืœ ืขืฆืžืš ื–ื”ื•ื™ื•ืช ื•ื“ืžื•ื™ื•ืช ืื—ืจื•ืช
11:37
in an effort to make your life better.
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ื‘ืžืืžืฅ ืœืฉืคืจ ืืช ื”ื—ื™ื™ื ืฉืœืš.
11:39
Because, you know, we all buy into some things
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ื›ื™ ื›ื•ืœื ื• ืžืืžื™ื ื™ื ื‘ื“ื‘ืจื™ื ืžืกื•ื™ืžื™ื
11:42
about what weโ€™re supposed to be doing and who weโ€™re supposed to be.
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ืขืœ ืžื” ืฉืื ื—ื ื• ืืžื•ืจื™ื ืœืขืฉื•ืช ื•ืžื™ ืื ื—ื ื• ืืžื•ืจื™ื ืœื”ื™ื•ืช.
11:45
So what if you squelch that?
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ืžื” ืื ื—ื ืงืช ืืช ื–ื”?
11:47
Because I know I had to excavate to dig up a Little Brown Bevy.
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ื›ื™ ืื ื™ ื™ื•ื“ืขืช ืฉื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ืฆืจื™ื›ื” ืœื—ืคื•ืจ ืขืžื•ืง ื›ื“ื™ ืœื”ื•ืฆื™ื ืืช ื‘ื•ื•ื™ ื”ืงื˜ื ื”.
11:51
But the way I found her was with three questions.
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ืžืฆืืชื™ ืื•ืชื” ื‘ืขื–ืจืช ืฉืœื•ืฉ ืฉืืœื•ืช.
11:54
Who am I at my core?
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ืžื™ ืื ื™ ื‘ืžื”ื•ืช ืฉืœื™?
11:55
How am I being perceived?
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ืื™ืš ืชื•ืคืกื™ื ืื•ืชื™?
11:56
How would I like to be perceived?
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ืื™ืš ืื ื™ ืจื•ืฆื” ืฉื™ืชืคืกื• ืื•ืชื™?
11:58
Who am I at my core?
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ืžื™ ืื ื™ ื‘ืžื”ื•ืช ืฉืœื™?
11:59
At my core Iโ€™m looking to authentically connect with people.
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ื‘ืžื”ื•ืช ืฉืœื™ ืื ื™ ืžื—ืคืฉืช ืงืฉืจ ืื•ืชื ื˜ื™ ืขื ืื—ืจื™ื.
12:03
I don't like a cursory, you know, interaction,
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ืื ื™ ืœื ืื•ื”ื‘ืช ืื™ื ื˜ืจืืงืฆื™ื•ืช ืจื“ื•ื“ื•ืช,
12:06
and I do not believe in networking.
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ื•ืื ื™ ืœื ืžืืžื™ื ื” ื‘ื ื˜ื•ื•ืจืงื™ื ื’.
12:08
I like an authentic connection.
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ืื ื™ ืื•ื”ื‘ืช ืงืฉืจ ืื•ืชื ื˜ื™.
12:11
Iโ€™m also curious and Iโ€™m adventurous
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ืื ื™ ื’ื ืกืงืจื ื™ืช ื•ื”ืจืคืชืงื ื™ืช
12:13
and Iโ€™m kind
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ื•ืื ื™ ื ื—ืžื“ื”
12:14
and Iโ€™ve got big dreams.
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ื•ื™ืฉ ืœื™ ื—ืœื•ืžื•ืช ื’ื“ื•ืœื™ื.
12:16
How am I being perceived?
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ืื™ืš ืชื•ืคืกื™ื ืื•ืชื™?
12:18
Well, yโ€™all know the nickname, Bitchy Bevy ...
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ื˜ื•ื‘, ืฉืžืขืชื ืขืœ ื”ื›ื™ื ื•ื™ ื‘ื•ื•ื™ ื”ื‘ื™ืฆโ€™ื™ืช...
12:21
so, duh.
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ืื–, ื›ืŸ.
12:22
But hereโ€™s the problem.
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ืื‘ืœ ื”ื ื” ื”ื‘ืขื™ื”.
12:24
Thereโ€™s a lot of power in that persona,
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ื™ืฉ ื”ืžื•ืŸ ื›ื•ื— ื‘ืคืจืกื•ื ื” ื”ื–ื•,
12:27
and I actually really enjoyed it for a time, you know,
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ื•ื‘ืืžืช ื ื”ื ื™ืชื™ ืžื–ื” ืœื–ืžืŸ ืžื”,
12:29
because you can make a lot of money being a bitch,
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ื›ื™ ืืคืฉืจ ืœื”ืจื•ื•ื™ื— ืžืœื ื›ืกืฃ ื›ืฉืืช ื‘ื™ืฆโ€™ื™ืช,
12:32
especially in fashion.
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ื‘ืžื™ื•ื—ื“ ื‘ืื•ืคื ื”.
12:33
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
12:35
But itโ€™s also incredibly lonely and isolating,
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ืื‘ืœ ื–ื” ื’ื ื ื•ืจื ื‘ื•ื“ื“ ื•ืžื ื•ืชืง,
12:38
and I didnโ€™t want to live that life anymore.
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ื•ืœื ืจืฆื™ืชื™ ืืช ื”ื—ื™ื™ื ื”ืืœื” ื™ื•ืชืจ.
12:40
And so I decided to change my life.
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ืื– ื”ื—ืœื˜ืชื™ ืœืฉื ื•ืช ืืช ื”ื—ื™ื™ื ืฉืœื™.
12:42
And I left all of that alone.
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ื•ืขื–ื‘ืชื™ ืืช ื›ืœ ื–ื”.
12:44
I really did, like, just change my spirit.
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ื‘ืืžืช, ื›ืื™ืœื•, ืฉื™ื ื™ืชื™ ืืช ื”ืจื•ื— ืฉืœื™.
12:47
And leaving fashion obviously helped.
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ื•ืœืขื–ื•ื‘ ืืช ืชื—ื•ื ื”ืื•ืคื ื” ืขื–ืจ ื›ืžื•ื‘ืŸ.
12:50
And when I did that,
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ื›ืฉืขืฉื™ืชื™ ืืช ื–ื”,
12:52
all of a sudden, I let Little Brown Bevy out to play.
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ืคืชืื•ื ื ืชืชื™ ืœื‘ื•ื•ื™ ื”ื—ื•ืžื” ื”ืงื˜ื ื” ืœืฆืืช ืœืฉื—ืง.
12:57
Little Brown Bevy.
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ื‘ื•ื•ื™ ื”ื—ื•ืžื” ื”ืงื˜ื ื”.
13:00
I love her so much.
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ืื ื™ ืื•ื”ื‘ืช ืื•ืชื” ื›ืœ ื›ืš.
13:01
Little Brown Bevy is a nerdy girl,
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ื‘ื•ื•ื™ ื”ื—ื•ืžื” ื”ืงื˜ื ื” ื”ื™ื ื™ืœื“ื” ื—ื ื•ื ื™ืช,
13:04
and so I let my nerdy pursuits come out to play.
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ืื– ื ืชืชื™ ืœื ื˜ื™ื•ืช ื”ื—ื ื•ื ื™ื•ืช ืฉืœื™ ืœืฆืืช ื•ืœืฉื—ืง.
13:07
I must have joined every museum on Museum Mile in New York City.
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ื‘ื™ืงืจืชื™ ื‘ื›ืœ ืžื•ื–ื™ืื•ืŸ ื‘ืฉื“ืจืช ื”ืžื•ื–ื™ืื•ื ื™ื ื‘ื ื™ื• ื™ื•ืจืง.
13:11
I began to travel the world
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ื”ืชื—ืœืชื™ ืœื˜ื™ื™ืœ ื‘ืขื•ืœื
13:12
just to look at architecture I had always dreamed of.
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ืจืง ื›ื“ื™ ืœืจืื•ืช ืื“ืจื™ื›ืœื•ืช ืฉืชืžื™ื“ ื—ืœืžืชื™ ืขืœื™ื”.
13:15
I learned how to be alone without being lonely.
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ืœืžื“ืชื™ ืื™ืš ืœื”ื™ื•ืช ืœื‘ื“ ื‘ืœื™ ืœื”ื™ื•ืช ื‘ื•ื“ื“ื”.
13:18
My spirit shifted.
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ื”ืจื•ื— ืฉืœื™ ื”ืฉืชื ืชื”.
13:20
I became a better person.
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ื ืขืฉื™ืชื™ ืื“ื ื˜ื•ื‘ ื™ื•ืชืจ.
13:21
You can ask people --
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ืืคืฉืจ ืœืฉืื•ืœ ืื ืฉื™ื --
13:23
I became a better person.
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ื ืขืฉื™ืชื™ ืื“ื ื˜ื•ื‘ ื™ื•ืชืจ.
13:25
And now I get to stand here in front of you guys
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ื•ืขื›ืฉื™ื• ืื ื™ ืขื•ืžื“ืช ืœืคื ื™ื›ื
13:28
with no bravado,
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ื‘ืœื™ ืคื•ื–ื•ืช,
13:30
with nothing to prove,
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ื‘ืœื™ ืฉื•ื ื“ื‘ืจ ืœื”ื•ื›ื™ื—,
13:31
I tell you, with nothing to prove.
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ืื ื™ ืื•ืžืจืช ืœื›ื, ืื™ืŸ ืœื™ ืฉื•ื ื“ื‘ืจ ืœื”ื•ื›ื™ื—.
13:33
Iโ€™m not trying to prove nothing to yโ€™all.
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ืื ื™ ืœื ืžื ืกื” ืœื”ื•ื›ื™ื— ืœื›ื ื›ืœื•ื.
13:35
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
13:36
(Applause)
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(ืžื—ื™ืื•ืช ื›ืคื™ื™ื)
13:37
(Cheers and applause)
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(ืžื—ื™ืื•ืช ื›ืคื™ื™ื ื•ืงืจื™ืื•ืช)
13:39
Thank you.
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ืชื•ื“ื”.
13:40
(Applause and cheers)
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(ืžื—ื™ืื•ืช ื›ืคื™ื™ื)
13:42
I have an open heart.
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ื”ืœื‘ ืฉืœื™ ืคืชื•ื—.
13:45
And I canโ€™t even believe
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ื•ืื ื™ ืืคื™ืœื• ืœื ืžืืžื™ื ื”
13:46
that Little Brown Bevy from 150th Street and Eighth Avenue,
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ืฉื‘ื•ื•ื™ ื”ื—ื•ืžื” ื”ืงื˜ื ื” ืžืจื—ื•ื‘ 150 ื•ื”ืฉื“ืจื” ื”ืฉืžื™ื ื™ืช,
13:51
from the hamlet of Harlem,
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ืžืฉื›ื•ื ืช ื”ืืจืœื,
13:53
is now an award-winning radio and TV host,
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ื”ื™ื ืขื›ืฉื™ื• ืžื ื—ืช ืจื“ื™ื• ื•ื˜ืœื•ื•ื™ื–ื™ื” ื–ื•ื›ืช ืคืจืกื™ื,
13:56
an author,
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ืกื•ืคืจืช,
13:57
an actress,
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ืฉื—ืงื ื™ืช,
13:58
a creative consultant.
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ื™ื•ืขืฆืช ื™ืฆื™ืจืชื™ืช.
14:00
I would do all those things for free.
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ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ืขื•ืฉื” ืืช ื›ืœ ื”ื“ื‘ืจื™ื ื”ืืœื” ื‘ื—ื™ื ื.
14:02
But hereโ€™s the thing.
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ืื‘ืœ ื”ื ื” ื”ืงื˜ืข.
14:03
I ainโ€™t cheap, and Iโ€™m definitely not free,
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ืื ื™ ืœื ื–ื•ืœื”, ื•ืื ื™ ื‘ื˜ื— ืœื ื‘ื—ื™ื ื,
14:06
so don't get any ideas.
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ืื– ืฉืœื ื™ื”ื™ื• ืœื›ื ืจืขื™ื•ื ื•ืช.
14:07
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
14:08
(Applause)
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(ืžื—ื™ืื•ืช ื›ืคื™ื™ื)
14:11
But I am here in this โ€œMama I made itโ€ moment
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ืื‘ืœ ืื ื™ ื›ืืŸ ื‘ืจื’ืข ืฉืœ โ€œืื™ืžื, ื”ืฆืœื—ืชื™โ€
14:15
as someone who can show up as her most Bevyest self
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ื›ืžื™ืฉื”ื™ ืฉื™ื›ื•ืœื” ืœื”ื™ื•ืช ื”ื›ื™ ื‘ื•ื•ื™ ืฉื™ืฉ
14:18
because Iโ€™ve done the work.
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ื›ื™ ืขืฉื™ืชื™ ืืช ื”ืขื‘ื•ื“ื”.
14:21
Yeah, my most Bevyest self.
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ื›ืŸ, ืื ื™ ื”ื›ื™ ื‘ื•ื•ื™ ืฉื™ืฉ.
14:23
So, you know, Iโ€™m going to show up --
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ืื–, ืื ื™ ื”ื•ืœื›ืช ืœืชืช ื”ื•ืคืขื” --
14:25
some of youโ€™ve met me --
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ื—ืœืงื›ื ืคื’ืฉืชื ืื•ืชื™ --
14:27
you know Iโ€™m vibrant and boisterous, AKA loud.
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ืืชื ื™ื•ื“ืขื™ื ืฉืื ื™ ืฆื‘ืขื•ื ื™ืช ื•ื ืžืจืฆืช, ื›ืœื•ืžืจ ืฆืขืงื ื™ืช.
14:30
OK, you know that Iโ€™m going to show up,
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ื˜ื•ื‘, ืืชื ื™ื•ื“ืขื™ื ืฉื‘ืืชื™ ืœืชืช ื”ื•ืคืขื”,
14:33
and Iโ€™ve got a pep in my high heel, red-bottom step.
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ื•ื™ืฉ ืœื™ ื ื™ืชื•ืจ ื‘ืฆืขื“ื™ื ืฉืœื™ ื‘ืขืงื‘ ื”ื’ื‘ื•ื” ืขื ื”ืกื•ืœื™ื” ื”ืื“ื•ืžื”.
14:37
I do have heaving cleavage.
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ื•ื™ืฉ ืœื™ ืžื—ืฉื•ืฃ ื“ืจืžื˜ื™.
14:39
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
14:40
And Iโ€™ve got a tell-it-like-it-is approach to life
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ื•ื™ืฉ ืœื™ ื’ื™ืฉื” ืœื—ื™ื™ื ืฉืœ ืชื’ื™ื“ื™-ืืช-ื–ื”-ื›ืžื•-ืฉื–ื”
14:43
thatโ€™s always dosed with a ladle of love.
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ืฉืชืžื™ื“ ืžืขื•ืจื‘ืช ื‘ื›ืฃ ื’ื“ื•ืฉื” ืฉืœ ืื”ื‘ื”.
14:47
It took me 55 years to get here.
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ืœืงื— ืœื™ 55 ืฉื ื™ื ืœื”ื’ื™ืข ืœื›ืืŸ.
14:50
So, Chris Rock, youโ€™re right.
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ืื–, ื›ืจื™ืก ืจื•ืง, ืืชื” ืฆื•ื“ืง.
14:53
Iโ€™m a late bloomer.
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ืื ื™ ืคื•ืจื—ืช ืžืื•ื—ืจ.
14:54
And thatโ€™s OK.
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ื•ื–ื” ื‘ืกื“ืจ.
14:56
Because Iโ€™m right on time,
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ื›ื™ ืื ื™ ื‘ื“ื™ื•ืง ื‘ื–ืžืŸ,
14:58
Because it gets greater later.
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ื›ื™ ื–ื” ื ืขืฉื” ื˜ื•ื‘ ื™ื•ืชืจ ืžืื•ื—ืจ ื™ื•ืชืจ.
15:00
Thank you.
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ืชื•ื“ื”.
15:01
(Applause and cheers)
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(ืžื—ื™ืื•ืช ื›ืคื™ื™ื ื•ืงืจื™ืื•ืช ืขื™ื“ื•ื“)
ืขืœ ืืชืจ ื–ื”

ืืชืจ ื–ื” ื™ืฆื™ื’ ื‘ืคื ื™ื›ื ืกืจื˜ื•ื ื™ YouTube ื”ืžื•ืขื™ืœื™ื ืœืœื™ืžื•ื“ ืื ื’ืœื™ืช. ืชื•ื›ืœื• ืœืจืื•ืช ืฉื™ืขื•ืจื™ ืื ื’ืœื™ืช ื”ืžื•ืขื‘ืจื™ื ืขืœ ื™ื“ื™ ืžื•ืจื™ื ืžื”ืฉื•ืจื” ื”ืจืืฉื•ื ื” ืžืจื—ื‘ื™ ื”ืขื•ืœื. ืœื—ืฅ ืคืขืžื™ื™ื ืขืœ ื”ื›ืชื•ื‘ื™ื•ืช ื‘ืื ื’ืœื™ืช ื”ืžื•ืฆื’ื•ืช ื‘ื›ืœ ื“ืฃ ื•ื™ื“ืื• ื›ื“ื™ ืœื”ืคืขื™ืœ ืืช ื”ืกืจื˜ื•ืŸ ืžืฉื. ื”ื›ืชื•ื‘ื™ื•ืช ื’ื•ืœืœื•ืช ื‘ืกื ื›ืจื•ืŸ ืขื ื”ืคืขืœืช ื”ื•ื•ื™ื“ืื•. ืื ื™ืฉ ืœืš ื”ืขืจื•ืช ืื• ื‘ืงืฉื•ืช, ืื ื ืฆื•ืจ ืื™ืชื ื• ืงืฉืจ ื‘ืืžืฆืขื•ืช ื˜ื•ืคืก ื™ืฆื™ืจืช ืงืฉืจ ื–ื”.

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