How to Discover Your Authentic Self -- at Any Age | Bevy Smith | TED

譯者: Wei C. 審譯者: Shelley Tsang 曾雯海

I am a late bloomer.

我是一個大器晚成的人

In fact, a friend of mine you may have heard of --

事實上，我有位朋友 各位可能聽過

Chris Rock --

克里斯‧洛克

he once called me the most late-blooming mofo he’d ever met.

他曾經稱我為：他所見過 最大器晚成的混帳東西

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Now, some people might consider that snide,

有些人可能會覺得那樣很惡毒

but I revel in it.

但我倒很享受

I’m 55,

我五十五歲了

and I’m here in this curvy body as someone who has done the work,

現在這個擁有好身材的我 已經做完了該做的事

lived the life

經歷過人生

walked the walk in these very high heels --

而且是穿著這雙 很高的高跟鞋一路走來的

(Laughter)

and therefore is qualified to testify in the church

因此有資格在教堂及法庭上作證

and in the court of law

that it does, in fact, get greater later.

事實上，人生確實會漸入佳境

(Applause and cheers)

（掌聲與歡呼）

Now coming to this realization wasn’t easy.

得到這樣的領悟並不容易

At the age of 38, I was a very successful fashion advertising executive,

三十八歲時，我是個 非常成功的時尚廣告業主管

and I was really living what most people considered a dream life.

我過的生活，是大部分人的夢想

I was jet-setting to fashion shows;

我搭噴射機去參加時裝秀 我能拿到免費的設計師服飾

I was receiving free designer clothes;

I was double-kissing my way across the globe.

一路上如魚得水 直到我縱橫全球

(Laughter)

I was.

是真的

那完全是我的夢想成真 但是有一天我意識到

And, you know, it was everything that I ever wanted it to be,

and then one day I realized I was only pretending to be happy.

我只是在假裝快樂

But I couldn’t blow up my good life in my prime earning years, right?

但我總不能在本應賺大錢的年紀

搞砸掉我的好生活，對吧？

Wrong.

錯了

Which leads me to lessons my mother Lolly taught me.

這就要談到我母親拉莉 教會我的幾件事

Lolly’s number one lesson:

拉莉的第一課

don’t settle.

別將就

Don’t settle.

別將就

Now I’m aware that my well-paying, glamorous career

我很清楚我那個 賺很多且令人嚮往的職涯

is not exactly the humdrum, “I hate my job” stereotype

算不上是大部分人 認為＂將就＂的那種

that most people equate with settling.

普遍＂我恨我的工作＂的刻板印象

But it was a settle for me,

但對我來說就是將就

because when I actually did quit my job at the age of 38,

因為當我真的在三十八歲 辭掉了工作時

it was with the intention that every day be a great adventure.

我的意圖是想要 每天都能是場很棒的冒險

Now sometimes it was a very scary adventure,

有時會是很嚇人的冒險，比如說

like being broke from the age of 40 to 45.

在四十歲到四十五歲時破產

But even still, I wouldn’t trade that for the safe and settled version,

儘管如此，我也不願選擇 過安全穩定的生活

because if I had, I would not be here with y’all today.

要不然我今天就不會 和大家一起在這裡了

(Applause and cheers)

（掌聲與歡呼）

Yeah.

是啊

So you know how when you like, buck the system

我們都知道當你 反抗體制並對抗現狀時

and go against the status quo,

it makes people really uncomfortable?

有一些人會特別反感

And invariably, people will ask,

他們一定會問你

“Where do you get your confidence?”

＂你哪來的自信啊？＂

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Now some people mean it as a compliment,

有些人這麼說是表示讚許

but very often it’s shady ...

不過通常都是笑裡藏刀的…

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

and it's a silent judgment.

一種沉默的批判

And to those people,

對那些人，我的回應是引述一位 你們可能聽過的布魯克林詩人

I respond with a quote from this Brooklyn poet you may have heard of,

Jay-Z.

Jay-Z

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

＂她是從她媽媽那裡遺傳到的＂

“She get it from her mama.”

I am she,

我就是＂她＂，而我媽媽 就是成熟女性的代表

and my mama is the epitome of a grown-ass woman:

someone who has always been very comfortable in her skin.

是對於自己的外表 感到非常自在的人

In 1965, my mom was 37 years old.

1965 年時，我媽媽三十七歲

She already had one child,

她已經育有一子，我哥哥傑瑞

my big brother, Gerry,

and she married my dad, but she kept her maiden name.

她嫁給我爸爸 但保留了她的娘家姓

And then she had my sister Stephanie and I back-to-back,

接著她又接連生了 我姐姐史蒂芬妮和我

but she continued to work

她持續地工作

because she refused to be beholden to my dad for money.

因為拒絕被我爸在金錢上綁架

And I bet my mom was the only woman in our neighborhood

我敢說媽媽是我們鄰坊中

唯一一位一週煮飯一次的女性

who cooked once a week.

She made Sunday dinner.

她會做週末的聚餐 非常的華麗

It was an extravaganza,

but that’s all she did.

但她也就只做這些 一週煮飯一次

She cooked one day a week.

My mom is just amazing.

我媽媽很不簡單

And she also had this ability of talking to her children about real life

她還有種能力，可以和孩子

談真實人生

and making sure that we understood the virtues of going your own way,

並確保我們了解 走自己的路有什麼好處

which is why I believe today at the age of 94,

這就是為什麼我相信 即使我媽媽如今已九十四歲

and a recent widow,

而且剛成為寡婦 她仍然在努力設法

my mom is still carving out ways

to find and determine and define her own version of happiness.

找到、決定和定義 自己所認定的快樂

She cooks for herself.

她自己煮飯來吃

She maintains her home exactly as she sees fit.

照自己的意思打理她的房子

She enjoys champagne and R-rated films.

她很享受香檳和限制級電影

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

My mom has managed to maintain her glamour,

我媽媽有辦法維持 她的魅力、性吸引力

her sex appeal,

you know, her independence.

還有她的獨立性

And I really hope some of that rubs off on me.

我真希望我也有 感染到一些她的特質

You know, recently I’ve been thinking about one of the best lessons

最近，我一直在想著 我媽媽教過我最棒的一課

that my mom ever taught me,

which is the literal beauty in aging.

那就是真的越老越美

Now, we all know that Black don’t crack, right?

大家都聽過＂黑人不會變老＂吧？

OK...

好…

Black don’t crack.

黑人不會變老

So at the age of 50, my mom could have easily passed for the age of 35.

所以，我媽媽五十歲時 也很容易被認成是三十五歲

And you know, that’s back during the time when people --

要知道，在那個時候 女性是不願談年齡的

women were really coy about their age.

“Oh, a lady never tells her age.”

＂喔，淑女是不會 透漏她的年齡的＂

My mom never subscribed to that.

我媽媽從來不認同那一點

She was always proud of her age.

她向來以她的年齡為傲

As a matter of fact,

事實上，她相信

she believes you may not tell your age,

你可能不願意說你的年齡

but your hands and your neck will.

但從你的手和脖子就能看出來

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

So make peace with aging,

所以，和老化和平共處

or prepare for an entire wardrobe of gloves and turtlenecks.

要不然就在衣櫥中準備 滿滿的手套和高領衣服吧

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Yeah, my mom has always done these wonderful things like that,

是啊，我媽媽總是會 做這些很棒的事

but I wish she could rub off on everyone

但我希望她能影響到每個人

because I feel like now I’m looking at even 20-somethings

因為我覺得現在連 二十多歲的人都會怕變老了

who have a fear of aging.

I watch them on social media,

我看他們在社群媒體上

like, you know, compulsively practiclng the latest 10-second dance craze,

強迫自己練習最新 最夯的十秒鐘舞蹈

and it feels like their angsty

可以感覺到他們的不安

and asking, “Is that all there is?”

在問說＂人生就這樣了嗎？＂

And I just want to yell,

而我只想大喊

“Yes, that is all there is if all you’re going to do is settle

＂是的，就只有這樣

如果你要對人生將就的話 那就跟著別人拍抖音＂

for dancing to someone else’s TikTok beat!”

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause and cheers)

（掌聲與歡呼）

Settling is very insidious.

將就是種隱患，會暗中滋生

It keeps us dancing on this string,

它會讓我們任由別人擺佈

waiting for this elusive, better day to miraculously appear.

等著那難以找到的 美好生活奇蹟般地出現

Now thanks to Lolly’s tutelage, that’s not my story.

好在有拉莉的指導 我沒走上這條路

In fact, I take each day as it comes

事實上

我會把握每一天的到來 但試著讓它比昨天更好

but I try to make it better than the last.

所以，你知道

So, you know, I’m single ...

即使我單身…

but I’m always ready to mingle.

還是隨時都準備可以交往

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I’m an entrepreneur,

我是企業家

but I keep multiple revenue streams.

但我維持多種不同收入來源

I’m a solo traveler,

我是獨行的旅人，意思就是我到過

which means I’ve done the sepia version of “Eat, Pray, Love” on six continents.

六大洲完成了黑人版的 《享受吧！一個人的旅行》

Because I don’t settle.

因為我不會將就

What that means is that I also don’t second-guess my decisions,

意思就是，我不會 事後批評我的決策

and I’m also not worried about my future

我也不會擔心我的未來

because I’m firmly rooted in the present.

因為我穩穩地紮根在當下

Settling is a really sinister thing.

將就真的是很不好

It will keep you up at night tossing and turning,

它會讓你晚上翻來覆去睡不著覺

trying to figure out why

試著搞懂為什麼

and trying to answer that age-old question of “Is that all there is?”

並試著解答那古老的問題 ＂人生就這樣了嗎？＂

Personally, I don’t have time for that,

我個人沒時間搞這些

because the only time I want to be kept up all night long tossing and turning

只有一種情況我會想要 整晚翻來覆去睡不著覺

is when I’m in the company of a fine-ass man.

就是我旁邊躺了個屁股很讚的男伴

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause and cheers)

（掌聲及歡呼）

That's it.

就這樣

(Applause)

（掌聲）

I wish I could tell you guys

我希望我能告訴各位

that I learned all these valuable lessons from Lolly

從拉莉學到這些寶貴的教訓 我謹記在心，這真的很棒

and they were instilled in me and it was great,

but alas, I am a late bloomer in all regards.

但，唉，我在各方面 都是大器晚成

So I had to learn a couple of lessons from the era of Bitchy Bevy.

所以，我還得多向

從前的「難搞貝薇」學習

什麼樣的人在五年內 會有十個助理啊？

What kind of person has 10 assistants in five years?

Bitchy Bevy, that’s who.

就是難搞的貝薇

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Now I didn’t start out my career with a toxic attitude.

我可沒有帶著有害的態度 展開我的職涯

No, initially I was really happy to be in the fashion industry.

沒有，一開始我很開心 能進入時尚業

You know, but then I began to compare my trajectory to others,

但接著，我會開始拿我的職涯 去和其他人做比較

and I also began to feel burned out

而且我也開始感到倦怠

because I was burdened by these personas that I had created

因為我創造出的這些角色 成了我的重擔

that were allegedly going to help me progress in my career.

即使他們應該能協助我的職涯發展

I made a couple of mistakes.

我犯過兩個錯誤

One, I thought that being snarky was a good career move.

第一，我以為表現得很毒舌 是很好的職涯對策

It wasn’t.

並不是，我也以為我和棕色很搭

I also thought I look good in the color brown.

I actually don’t.

其實也沒有

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Yeah.

是啊

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And, you know, I just --

我只是

in my dream montage,

在我夢想的人生場景中

I wanted to get away from Bitchy Bevy.

我想要遠離難搞貝薇、遠離棕色

I wanted to get away from the color brown.

And so in the movie version of my life,

如果我的人生有電影版

as soon as I quit my job,

我辭職之後

I’m a yoga guru.

就要去當瑜伽老師

I’m extremely limber and very happy.

柔軟度超好而且非常快樂

Come to think of it though, guys,

仔細想想，各位，我現在 其實就很柔軟且快樂

I’m actually limber and happy right now.

But I would be lying --

但那就是我在說謊 我相信國際法有規定不可以

and I believe it is against international law

to lie during a TED Talk --

在 TED 演講上說謊

(Laughter)

so I’m not going to do that.

所以我不會那麼做

And as a matter of fact, my insecurities popped back up as late as last year.

事實上，我的不安全感 在去年才又再次浮現

I was minding my business, as one does, perusing social media,

那時我和大家一樣閒來無事 瀏覽著社群媒體

and I saw people excelling in a space

看到在我曾經取得 無數成功的領域中

where I, you know, traditionally had a lot of success.

有人做得十分卓越

So I’m looking at it and I’m like,

我就邊看邊想 ＂他們怎麼不找我去做那工作？＂

“Well, why the hell they ain’t call me for that job?”

And I have this, like, angst,

我有種不安，接著我了解到

and then I realize they didn’t call me for that job

他們不找我，是因為 你已經說你不要那工作了

because you already said you didn’t want that job.

You told the universe you weren’t into working like that.

你已經告訴全世界 你對那種工作沒興趣

You don’t want a job --

你不想要一份工作—— 我真的不想

I really don’t.

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I’m not into it.

我對它沒興趣

So...

所以…

that’s why it happened.

那就是背後的原因

And what I realize is that intellectually I had grown and evolved,

我了解到的是

在智慧上我成長、進步了

but emotionally ...

但情緒上…

I was Tom Petty

我還是湯姆‧佩蒂

and I was living in “Petticoat Junction.”

就像生活在情境喜劇 《襯裙交界處》中

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I told y’all that brown doesn’t look good on me;

我告訴過各位 我和棕色並不搭

petty looks even worse.

佩蒂看來比我還糟

It’s not my shade.

那就不是我的色調

And so what I wound up having to do was really get a grip.

最後我得做的是 做好自我控制

I had to assess a few things about myself,

我得評估我自己的幾件事

and I decided to do a little self-help ritual called ...

我決定要試一種 自救的小方法叫做

“Take a note, give a note.”

＂做筆記、給筆記＂

It’s easy.

很簡單，當你看到別人 獲得什麼是你覺得你應得的

When you see someone having something that you believe you deserve,

you take a note.

你就開始做筆記 問自己幾個問題

You ask yourself a few questions.

Is it something that you really want?

這真的是你想要的嗎？

Perhaps that person is better suited than you are for that.

也許那個人比你更適合得到它

Does the universe --

世界是否也在共同促成你得到它？

is the universe conspiring for you to have that?

Really kind of try and be honest with who you are

真正試著誠實面對 自己是什麼樣的人

and where you’re at in life.

以及你在人生的哪個階段

Once you do that, you take a deep breath --

做了這些之後，深呼吸

(Inhales)

（吸氣）

and you say, “Their wins have nothing to do with my worthiness.”

說＂他們的勝利 和我的價值毫無關係＂

And then you’re ready to give a note.

接著你就準備好把筆記給交出去了

You go on social media,

你到社群媒體上

and you say congratulations.

去說恭喜

Or my personal favorite,

或我個人偏愛的做法

you pick up the phone, like it’s the 20th century,

你拿起電話，好像 還在二十世紀一樣

and you say, “Congratulations,

說＂恭喜，好讚 你辦到了，幹得好，女孩＂

kudos, you did that, Al!

You go, girl!”

You do all the things.

去做這些事

Instantly you feel like a better human being

馬上，你就會覺得 自己成了更好的人

because you have actually extended grace.

因為，你展現了你的風度

You’ve extended grace.

展現你的風度

You’ve extended grace to someone else.

對他人展現出風度

And I believe that when you remove malice from your heart,

而我相信當你心中 不再懷著怨恨

not only do you feel better, you look better.

你不僅會感覺良好 連氣色都會更好

I think you lose your frown lines and your wrinkles lessen

我認為你的抬頭紋 會不見，皺紋會變少

and your age spots disappear.

老人斑會消失

I believe it’s better than Botox,

我認為展現風度 比打肉毒更有效

extending grace.

I do.

真的

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Yeah.

好

讓我回來談筆記

No, but let me get back to the note thing.

So one of my favorite notes is from Willie Shakespeare.

所以，我最喜歡的筆記之一

出自莎士比亞

“To thine own self be true.”

＂忠於自己＂

Now we’ve all read self-help books,

我們都讀過勵志書籍 而第一道防線通常都是

and the first line of defense is always “Be your most authentic self.”

＂做最真實的自己＂

And I believe in that.

我相信這一點

I believe that nobody can be you but you,

我相信，除了你以外 沒有人能夠成為你

so you might as well show up and show out.

所以你不如就出面並展現自我

But here’s the quandary that the bard never put forth.

但這位詩人始終沒有提出一個窘境

What if you don’t really know who you are because you suppressed your inner self?

萬一你不知道你是誰 是因為你壓抑內在的自我呢？

You’ve suppressed the core of you.

你壓抑了你的內心 你最好的那一部分

You’ve suppressed the best parts of you

because you took on these other identities and these personas

因為你要扮演各種身分、角色

in an effort to make your life better.

試圖讓你的人生變更好

Because, you know, we all buy into some things

因為我們都會相信一些說法

about what we’re supposed to be doing and who we’re supposed to be.

告訴我們該做什麼事 該成為怎樣的人

So what if you squelch that?

那如果你反抗這些說法呢

Because I know I had to excavate to dig up a Little Brown Bevy.

因為我知道我得去 深入了解＂小貝薇＂

But the way I found her was with three questions.

但是我在找尋她時 想了三個問題

Who am I at my core?

在內心深處的我到底是誰？

How am I being perceived?

我認為我是誰？

How would I like to be perceived?

還有我希望別人認為我是誰？

Who am I at my core?

我在內心深處是什麼樣的人

At my core I’m looking to authentically connect with people.

我想要真誠地與人相處

I don't like a cursory, you know, interaction,

我不想要敷衍地與人互動

and I do not believe in networking.

而且我不相信人脈這回事

I like an authentic connection.

因為我想要的是真誠的感情

I’m also curious and I’m adventurous

我有好奇心且喜愛冒險

and I’m kind

而且我待人友善

and I’ve got big dreams.

還有我有遠大的夢想

How am I being perceived?

我是如何看待自己的？

Well, y’all know the nickname, Bitchy Bevy ...

當然，你們都知道我的綽號 ＂難搞的貝薇＂

so, duh.

所以這是廢話

But here’s the problem.

但是問題來了

There’s a lot of power in that persona,

這個角色的形象很強大的

and I actually really enjoyed it for a time, you know,

而我有段時間也十分享受

because you can make a lot of money being a bitch,

因為你可以用犯賤來賺錢

especially in fashion.

又是從事與時尚有關的內容

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But it’s also incredibly lonely and isolating,

但是她也極度寂寞與邊緣

and I didn’t want to live that life anymore.

而我不想再過這樣的生活了

And so I decided to change my life.

所以我才決定改變人生

And I left all of that alone.

將一切拋諸腦後

I really did, like, just change my spirit.

我真的做了，改變心態

And leaving fashion obviously helped.

離開了時尚圈很明顯有用

And when I did that,

當我真的改變後

all of a sudden, I let Little Brown Bevy out to play.

突然間，小貝薇就出現了

Little Brown Bevy.

小貝薇

I love her so much.

我好愛她

Little Brown Bevy is a nerdy girl,

小貝薇是個書呆子

and so I let my nerdy pursuits come out to play.

所以我找回了我的書呆氣質

I must have joined every museum on Museum Mile in New York City.

我必須要加入每間 紐約博物館大道上的博物館會員

I began to travel the world

我開始環遊世界

just to look at architecture I had always dreamed of.

就只是為了看看夢想中的建築

I learned how to be alone without being lonely.

我學會了如何自處而不孤獨

My spirit shifted.

我的心態改變了

I became a better person.

變成了一個更好的人

You can ask people --

你可以問我身邊的人

I became a better person.

我已經成為了一個更好的人

And now I get to stand here in front of you guys

而現在我能站在大家面前

with no bravado,

沒有要炫耀自己

with nothing to prove,

沒有要證明什麼

I tell you, with nothing to prove.

我真的沒有要證明什麼

I’m not trying to prove nothing to y’all.

我不需要證明任何事

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

(Cheers and applause)

（歡呼與掌聲）

Thank you.

謝謝大家

(Applause and cheers)

（掌聲與歡呼）

I have an open heart.

我有一個開放的心胸

And I can’t even believe

但我還是不能相信

that Little Brown Bevy from 150th Street and Eighth Avenue,

我從第150號街跟第八大道

from the hamlet of Harlem,

哈林區哈姆雷特的小貝薇

is now an award-winning radio and TV host,

變成了獲獎無數的電台與電視主持人

an author,

一個作者

an actress,

一個女演員

a creative consultant.

跟一個創意顧問

I would do all those things for free.

我可以無償地做這些事

But here’s the thing.

但是重點是

I ain’t cheap, and I’m definitely not free,

我不廉價，更不是做免錢

so don't get any ideas.

別搞錯重點

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

But I am here in this “Mama I made it” moment

但我在這種 ＂媽我上電視了＂的時刻

as someone who can show up as her most Bevyest self

當一個最像自己的自己

because I’ve done the work.

是因為我做了改變

Yeah, my most Bevyest self.

是的，最＂貝薇＂的自己

So, you know, I’m going to show up --

所以在此之前 我要來這裡演講

some of you’ve met me --

而你們有人認識我

you know I’m vibrant and boisterous, AKA loud.

知道我聲音很宏亮，也就是大嗓門

OK, you know that I’m going to show up,

好，你們知道我會來

and I’ve got a pep in my high heel, red-bottom step.

所以我穿上了紅底高跟鞋 做足了準備

I do have heaving cleavage.

帶上我的大胸部

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And I’ve got a tell-it-like-it-is approach to life

而且我有老實的生活哲理

that’s always dosed with a ladle of love.

這永遠少不了些許的愛

It took me 55 years to get here.

我花了55年才來到這裡

So, Chris Rock, you’re right.

所以，克里斯‧洛克，你是對的

I’m a late bloomer.

我是個大器晚成的人

And that’s OK.

但是沒關係

Because I’m right on time,

因為我來的正好

Because it gets greater later.

因為我的人生只會更精彩

Thank you.

謝謝

(Applause and cheers)

（掌聲與歡呼）