Why Thinking About Death Helps You Live a Better Life | Alua Arthur | TED

Prevodilac: Milenka Okuka Lektor: Una Kavazović

I want to die at sunset.

Želim da umrem u zalazak sunca.

I want to watch the sky change and turn orange and pink and purple

Želim da posmatram kako se nebo menja i postaje narandžasto, roze i ljubičasto

as day dies into night.

kako dan zamire u noć.

I want to hear the wind fluttering through the leaves

Želim da čujem vetar kako leprša kroz lišće

and smell very faintly, nag champa amber incense,

i da osetim skroz blag miris ćilibarskog tamjana nag čampa,

but very faintly, because scent can be tough on a dying body.

ali skroz blago jer miris može da bude težak za telo na umoru.

I want to die with socks on my feet because I get cold.

Želim da umrem sa čarapama na stopalima jer sam zimomorna.

And if I die with a bra on, I'm coming to haunt everybody.

A ako umrem noseći brusthalter, vratiću se da vas sve progonim.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

I will terrorize you and that is a threat, OK?

Maltretiraću vas i ovo je pretnja, u redu?

I want to die in my own bed, at my own home,

Želim da umrem u svom krevetu, u svojoj kući,

with my loved ones nearby

sa voljenima u blizini

who are talking amongst themselves and comforting each other

koji razgovaraju među sobom i teše jedni druge

for this very big thing that's about to happen in their lives.

zbog ove ogromne stvari koja će im se desiti u životu.

I want to die with all my affairs in order

Želim da umrem sa svim poslovima završenim

so my loved ones have nothing to worry about

kako moji voljeni ne bi imali oko čega da brinu,

but their grief after I die.

osim o svojoj žalosti kad umrem.

I want to die empty,

Želim da umrem prazna,

devoid of all of the skill, gift,

lišena svih veština, nadarenosti,

talent and light that I carry in this body

talenta i svetlosti koju nosim u ovom telu

and satiated, full of the richness of this one unique human ride.

i zasićena, ispunjena obiljem ovog jedinstvenog ljudskog putovanja.

And when my loved ones notice that I have released my last breath,

A kada moji voljeni primete da sam ispustila poslednji dah,

I want them to clap.

želim da aplaudiraju.

I want them to clap because I died well,

Želim da aplaudiraju jer sam umrla dobro,

but I died well only because I lived well.

ali sam umrla dobro samo zato što sam živela dobro.

Now, will it happen this way?

Sad, da li će se ovako desiti?

Probably not.

Verovatno ne.

Realistically, I mean, even with all this rah-rah death talk I talk,

U stvarnosti, mislim, uz svu ovu lepršavu priču o smrti koju pričam,

I'm probably going to go kicking and screaming.

verovatno ću otići otimajući se i vrišteći.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Unless we choose, the date, place,

Ukoliko se ne radi o izboru, datum, mesto,

manner and time of our death will remain a mystery.

način i vreme naše smrti ostaće misterija.

Then why think about it at all?

Onda zašto uopšte i razmišljati o tome?

Death creates context for our lives.

Smrt stvara kontekst za naše živote.

My entire life is leading up until that point.

Moj celokupni život vodi do te tačke.

How we die creates the period at the end of the sentence,

Način na koji umiremo stvara tačku na kraju rečenice,

but it is the period that makes it a sentence at all.

ali upravo je ta tačka ono što je uopšte i čini rečenicom.

Imagine for a moment your 847th birthday.

Zamislite za trenutak vaš 847. rođendan.

OK, try.

U redu, pokušajte.

I mean, you're probably pushing 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 in this room.

Mislim, u ovoj prostoriji verovatno gurate 30, 40, 50, 60, 70.

Imagine 847 of them.

Zamislite njih 847.

So you’re sitting there and your body is raggedy.

Sedite tu i telo vam je oronulo.

Because unless they cure aging,

Jer ukoliko ne izleče starenje,

I promise you, you do not want to be immortal.

obećavam vam, ne želite da budete besmrtni.

I promise, you're going to be begging for death.

Obećavam vam, preklinjaćete za smrt.

So it's your 847th birthday.

Dakle, 847. vam je rođendan.

Here they come with a cake.

Dolaze sa tortom.

No candles on it, because it would burn the house down.

Nema svećica na njoj jer bi spalile kuću.

And now here they come, singing that same tired song.

I eto ih kako dolaze, pevajući istu izanđalu pesmu.

"Happy birthday to you," you would be so over it.

„Srećan rođendan”, bilo bi vam je tako preko glave.

And if it was a Stevie Wonder version, that song is already 45 minutes long,

A ako je verzija Stivija Vondera, ta pesma je već 45 minuta duga,

you'd be extra over it.

još više bi vam je bilo preko glave.

(Laughter)

Nobody wants that.

(Smeh)

Niko to ne želi.

We count birthdays now because they're finite.

Trenutno brojimo rođendane jer su konačni.

They're special.

Posebni su.

They mark the passage of time, and one day, we won't have any more time.

Označavaju protok vremena, a jednog dana nećemo imati više vremena.

And I find that to be a really useful fact.

I za mene je to zaista korisna činjenica.

I think it's healthy for us to think about our death.

Smatram da je zdravo za nas da razmišljamo o našoj smrti.

And you might say, of course I do, because I'm a death doula.

I mogli biste reći, naravno da je tako jer sam dula smrti.

I wanted us to embrace thinking about our mortality.

Želela bih da prigrlimo razmišljanje o našoj smrtnosti.

I spend a lot of time thinking about, talking about, helping people prepare

Provodim mnogo vremena razmišljajući, govoreći, pomažući ljudima da se pripreme

and teaching death doulas.

i podučavajući dule smrti.

Death doulas offer non-medical and holistic care for the dying person,

Dule smrti pružaju nemedicinsku i holističku negu osobi na samrti,

the circle of support and the community through the process.

krug podrške i zajednicu tokom procesa.

I want to acknowledge first what a privilege it is

Želim prvenstveno da priznam kolika je privilegija

for people to be able to know about and afford and hire a death doula.

za ljude da znaju za dule smrti i da mogu da ih priušte.

We're working on it.

Radimo na tome.

And next, what a privilege it is for me

A potom, kolika je privilegija za mene

to even be able to imagine my own death.

da mogu da zamislim sopstvenu smrt.

It says that I have a sense of safety.

To mi govori da imam osećaj sigurnosti.

My basic bodily needs are met.

Moje osnovne telesne potrebe su ispunjene.

And I have safety in my body, my mind and in my life,

I osećam se sigurno u mom telu, umu i životu,

even despite the skin I wear.

uprkos koži koju nosim.

That wasn't always the case.

Nije uvek bilo tako.

I came to this work by serendipity,

Slučajno sam se zatekla u ovom poslu,

by circumstance, but mostly by necessity.

sticajem okolnosti, ali uglavnom iz nužde.

A little over ten years ago,

Pre nešto više od deset godina,

I was practicing law at the Legal Aid Foundation of Los Angeles,

bavila sam se pravom u losanđeleskoj Fondaciji za pravnu pomoć,

and I grew depressed.

i postala sam depresivna.

Not like, "Oh my God, I'm so depressed,"

Ne kao: „O, gospode, kako sam depresivna”,

but like, for real depressed, like, "can't get out of bed" depressed,

već kao za prave depresivna, kao „ne mogu ustati iz kreveta” depresivna,

"can't shower" depressed, can't find hope,

„ne mogu se istuširati” depresivna, ne mogu naći nadu,

"can find a smile, but can't really find joy,"

„mogu da se nasmejem, ali ne mogu da nađem užitak”,

type of depressed.

tip depresije.

I took a medical leave of absence, so I went to Cuba,

Uzela sam bolovanje i otišla na Kubu,

and I met a woman there,

i tu sam upoznala ženu,

a fellow traveler on the bus, who had uterine cancer.

saputnicu u autobusu koja je imala rak materice.

We spent the 14-hour bus ride talking about her life and also her death.

Proveli smo 14-časovnu vožnju autobusom razgovarajući o njenom životu kao i smrti.

And it was a highly illuminating conversation.

I to je bio krajnje prosvetljujući razgovor.

I heard firsthand how hard it was for her

Čula sam iz prve ruke koliko joj je teško

to even be able to talk about her fears around mortality and her disease

da uopšte govori o svojim strahovima u vezi sa smrtnošću i bolešću

because people censored their own discomfort with mortality

jer su ljudi cenzurisali sopstvenu nelagodu u vezi sa smrtnošću,

rather than make space for her.

umesto da naprave mesta za nju.

I took the invitation, however, to think about my mortality

Prihvatila sam, međutim, pozivnicu da razmislim o sopstvenoj smrtnosti

and looked at my life from the perspective of my death for the very first time.

i osvrnula sam se prvi put na sopstveni život iz perspektive moje smrti.

And it was grim, I did not like what I saw.

I bilo je mračno, nije mi se svidelo ono šta sam videla.

I noticed then

Tada sam primetila

that I had to live life on my own terms

da moram da živim na svoj način

because I was the only one who was going to have to contend with all the choices

jer jedino ja ću morati na samrti da se nosim sa svim izborima

that I'd made at my death.

koje sam napravila.

Not long after I came back from Cuba,

Nedugo nakon što sam se vratila sa Kube,

my brother-in-law, Peter Saint John, became ill.

moj zet Piter Sent Džon se razboleo.

And not too long after that, they couldn't cure him anymore.

I ubrzo nakon toga nisu ga više mogli lečiti.

So I went to New York,

Pa sam otišla u Njujork,

where he and my sister and my niece were,

gde su bili on, moja sestra i sestričina,

and along with Peter's family and my family and his friends,

i zajedno sa Piterovom porodicom, mojom porodicom i njegovim prijateljima,

we ushered him to the end of his life.

ispratili smo ga do kraja njegovog života.

Being present for Peter's death

Prisustvovanje Piterovoj smrti

is one of the greatest gifts I've ever been given.

je jedan od najvećih darova koji mi je ikad udeljen.

Not only did I get to care for somebody who I loved so dearly,

Ne samo da sam bila u prilici da brinem za nekog koga sam toliko volela,

but it also grew my capacity for compassion.

već mi je to povećalo sposobnost za saosećajnost.

I knew, intellectually, that there were thousands of other people

Znala sam intelektualno da na hiljade drugih ljudi

that were walking through the same thing at the same time.

prolazi kroz isto što i mi istovremeno.

And it also hinted at the things that I've been talking about in Cuba.

A takođe me podsećalo na stvari iz Kube o kojima sam govorila.

Everybody was uncomfortable with the fact that he was going to die,

Svima je bila nelagodna činjenica da će da umre,

even the medical care team.

čak i medicinskom timu.

I knew that there should be somebody,

Znala sam da bi morao da postoji neko,

somebody who was there, somebody who could be with us

neko ko bi bio tu, ko bi bio uz nas

to walk alongside us.

ko bi hodao uz nas.

Somebody who could listen to us, offer resources,

Neko ko bi nas slušao, pružio resurse,

hold our hands, hold our hearts,

držao nas za ruke, džao naša srca,

bear witness to our pain, help us sort through information,

svedočio našem bolu, pomogao nam da se snađemo u informacijama,

tell us that we were doing the best that we could

rekao nam da radimo najbolje što možemo

with the worst that we were dealt.

sa najgorim što nam je dodeljeno.

But I couldn't find anybody.

Međutim, nisam mogla da nađem nikoga.

So I became that someone for other people.

Stoga sam ja postala taj neko za druge ljude.

I sit deep in the trench with folks as they prepare for death.

Sedim duboko u rovovima sa ljudima dok se pripremaju za smrt.

There's no fixing or saving anything

Nema popravljanja ili spašavanja bilo čega

because there's no fixing or saving grief or death.

jer se tuga i smrt ne popravljaju, niti spašavaju.

It just is, I meet people where they are at.

Prosto jesu, i ja susrećem ljude tu gde jesu.

My goal is to help them answer the question:

Cilj mi je da im pomognem da odgovore na pitanje:

"What must I do to be at peace with myself

„Šta moramo da uradimo da bismo bili u miru sa sobom

so that I may live presently and die gracefully,

kako bismo živeli u trenutku i umrli dostojanstveno,

holding both at the same time?"

ovladavši oboma istovremeno?”

When I'm thinking about my present life

Kada razmišljam o trenutnom životu

from the vantage point of my graceful death,

sa tačke gledišta moje dostojanstvene smrti,

I can see very clearly who I want to be,

mogu jasno da vidim ko želim da budem,

how I want to spend my time

kako želim da provodim vreme

and what of me I'll leave behind.

i šta ću od sebe da ostavim za sobom.

It allows me to consciously curate my life right now

Omogućuje mi da svesno uređujem moj život trenutno

and also figure out my little "whys" right now.

i da trentuno otkrivam moja sićušna „zašto”.

Because what are we waiting for, anyway?

Jer šta uopšte čekamo?

Like, death?

Možda smrt?

I used to think dying people had it all figured out, though.

Nekad sam pak mislila da je ljudima na samrti sve jasno.

I used to think that they'd lay there with their hands like this

Nekad sam mislila da leže tako sa rukama ovako

jer svi znamo da je ovo univerzalna poza ljudi na samrti.

because we all know this is like, universal dying person pose.

Dakle, leže tako sa rukama ovako,

So they'd lay there with their hands like this,

i tu je maleni sjaj u njihovom oku,

and there'd be a little glimmer in their eye,

i oni su u fazonu: „Oh, da, konačno sve ima smisla.”

they'd be like, "Oh, yes, finally, it all makes sense."

Ispostavlja se da uopšte nije tako, ne izgleda tako.

Turns out it's not like that at all, it doesn't look like that.

Holivud nas je lagao, to nam je već poznato.

Pepeljuga je bila nesavesna, ali to je prosto očigledno.

Hollywood has lied to us, we know that already.

Cinderella was unconscionable, but this is just flagrant.

Uopšte nije tako.

Previše je to posla za vas dok umirete.

It's not like that at all.

It's way too much work to be doing while you're dying.

Te ne izgleda tako, nema tajne,

nema nikakve čarolije koju ćete tada da otkrijete.

So it doesn't look like that, there's no secret,

there's nothing magically you'll find out then.

Ovo je sve, nema šta da se otkrije, nikakve velike tajne.

This is it, there's nothing to figure out, no big secret at all.

Mnogi moji klijenti su dosegli kraj svog života

Many of my clients also reached the end of their lives

žaleći što nemaju još vremena.

wishing that they had more time.

Uvek me pak interesuje više vremena za šta?

But I'm always curious, more time for what?

Šta bi još uradili sa vremenom koje su imali?

What else would they do with the time that they had?

Retko je to poseta Maču Pikču, u redu, to ću vam reći.

It's rarely to go see Machu Picchu, OK, I'll tell you that.

Can I tell you a story?

Mogu li da vam ispričam priču?

OK, so this client is a composite,

U redu, ovaj klijent je kompilacija,

very many clients shoved together because as juicy as their stories are,

mnogo klijenata natrpanih zajedno jer koliko god da su im sočne priče,

it's not my responsibility or job to tell them.

nije moja odgovornost, niti posao da ih pričam.

So this is many clients together,

Dakle, ovo je mnogo klijenata ujedno,

and I find that it's an easy composite to make

i smatram da se radi o lakoj kompilaciji

because it's universally applicable.

jer je univerzalno primenjiva.

This applies whether or not somebody has worked their entire life

Ovo je primenjivo bilo da je neko radio ceo svoj život,

or sits on a big trust fund or works three jobs to keep the lights on.

sedi na velikom povereničkom fondu ili radi tri posla kako bi platio račune.

You might find bits of yourself in this story.

Možda otkrijete deliće sebe u ovoj priči.

This client is somebody who had a decent amount of privilege,

Ovaj klijent je neko ko je bio solidno privilegovan,

but not without adversity, of course, because she's human.

ali ne bez nedaća, naravno, jer je ljudsko biće.

She had a great job, great career, had been a real trailblazer.

Imala je sjajan posao, sjajnu karijeru, bila je istinska trendseterka.

Kids who she loved, who she was proud of,

Decu koju je volela, na koje je bila ponosna,

good friends, traveled a bunch,

dobre prijatelje, putovala je podosta,

did a bunch of great things in her life, had plenty of romance and love.

uradila je gomilu sjajnih stvari u životu, imala mnoštvo romansi i ljubavi.

She was doing OK.

Išlo joj je fino.

The girl who had everything.

Devojka koja je imala sve.

And then came a plot twist.

A onda je usledio preokret.

That plot twist was an aggressive bone cancer

Preokret je bio agresivni rak kostiju

that was likely going to kill her.

sa izgledima da će je ubiti.

And with that plot twist came a sense of pointlessness to her life.

A sa tim preokretom stigao je i osećaj besmisla u njen život.

She couldn’t figure out what she’d been doing for the past 60-odd years

Nije mogla da razume šta je radila poslednjih šezdesetak godina

because she'd been so busy doing.

jer je bila toliko zaokupljena radom.

While she was healthy,

Dok je bila zdrava,

it was about the next career milestone or what's happening with the kids next

sve se svodilo na novi karijerni cilj ili šta se sledeće dešava s decom

or the next trip.

ili na novo putovanje.

When she was sick, more of the same.

Kada se razbolela, otprilike isto.

Next doctor's appointment, next scan, next medication.

Sledeći pregled kod doktora, sledeći snimak, sledeći lek.

She was so busy distracting herself from like, the difficulty

Toliko je bila zauzeta odvlačenjem sopstvene pažnje od poteškoća

that she found in her life,

koje je zatekla u životu,

staying out of her body

postojeći van svog tela

so that she didn't have to be present with what was going on.

kako ne bi morala da prisustvuje svemu što se dešavalo.

It was always out there, she was always looking out there.

Uvek je postojalo tamo negde, uvek je gledala tamo negde.

But death was coming to remind her that she had no more "out theres."

Međutim, smrt je dolazila da je podseti da nema više „tamo negde”.

That it was always only right here,

Da je oduvek samo postojalo ovo ovde

where there is nothing at all to do

gde nema ama baš ništa da se uradi,

but simply to be.

osim da se prosto bude.

We zoomed out on her life to look at what she enjoyed,

Odzumirali smo njen život da bismo uvideli u čemu je uživala,

to see where she placed value,

da bismo videli čemu je pridavala važnost

because from there we can figure out where we place meaning.

jer odatle možemo da shvatimo gde da smestimo značenje.

And it turns out it wasn't about the kids or the work or the money.

I ispostavilo se da se nije radilo o deci, poslu ili novcu.

It was about the little things.

Radilo se o sitnicama.

Her hands in the soil.

Njene ruke u zemlji.

Her garden.

Njena bašta.

Building a fire, reading books and food.

Loženje vatre, čitanje knjiga i hrana.

She loved to eat,

Volela je da jede,

but she had dieted most of her adult life.

ali je bila na dijetama veći deo svog odraslog života.

The sound at all familiar to anybody?

Da li ovo ikome zvuči imalo poznato?

OK, if it does, this is for you, OK?

U redu, ako zvuči, ovo je za vas, važi?

If you take nothing away, hear this:

Ako ništa drugo, poslušajte ovo:

you are going to die, so please eat the cake.

umrećete, zato, molim vas, pojedite tortu.

Eat the cake, order the dessert,

Pojedite tortu, poručite desert,

eat the french fries, eat the brownies.

pojedite pomfrit, pojedite čokoladni kolač.

Eat everything you want to, just eat it, because you're going to die.

Jedite sve što poželite, samo to pojedite jer ćete da umrete.

One day, you won't be able to anymore.

Jednoga dana to više nećete biti u stanju.

At this point in her disease process, chemotherapy had ravaged her taste buds,

U ovoj tački njene etape bolesti, hemoterapija joj je razorila čulo ukusa,

so she had to rely on her sense of smell to get pleasure out of eating.

pa se morala oslanjati na čulo mirisa da bi osetila užitak od hrane.

And she ate.

I jela je.

She did it as much as she could

Radila je to koliko je mogla

because she knew she wouldn't be able to for much longer.

jer je znala da neće biti u stanju još dugo.

She ate as much as cancer would allow,

Jela je onoliko koliko joj je rak dozvoljavao,

and when her body could no longer process food,

a kada njeno telo više nije moglo da vari hranu,

we placed her favorite passion fruit soufflé right on her lip,

stavljali bismo njen omiljeni sufle od marakuje na njenu usnu

and she would lick it and smile.

i ona bi ga liznula i nasmešila se.

She lived more in the last eight months or so of her life

Više je živela poslednjih oko osam meseci života

with the help of hospice than she had before.

uz stručnu medicinsku pomoć nego ikad pre.

She was finally present, at home in her body,

Konačno je bila prisutna, kod kuće u svom telu,

delighting in the richness of the sensory experience we have

gosteći se obiljem čulnih iskustava koja imamo

by virtue of these fantastical bodies that we will die in.

ljubaznošću ovih fantastičnih tela u kojima ćemo da umremo.

These bodies that we will die in.

Ovih tela u kojima ćemo da umremo.

She was also really curious about her legacy.

Takođe je istinski zanimalo njeno nasleđe.

What, if anything, she'd leave behind.

Šta će, i da li išta, ostaviti za sobom.

But leaving a legacy isn't optional.

Ostavljanje nasleđa pak nije opciono.

We're doing it every single day.

Radimo to baš svaki dan.

You're doing it with every smile, every word, every kind word,

Radite to svakim osmehom, svakom rečju, svakom blagom rečju,

every harsh word,

svakom grubom rečju,

every action, every inaction, every dollar you spend.

svakim delanjem, svakim nedelanjem, svakom novčanicom koju potrošite.

You're telling the people who are paying attention

Saopštavate ljudima koji obraćaju pažnju

exactly who you are,

tačno ko ste,

and that is what they'll tell of you when you are gone.

a to je ono što će reći o vama kada vas više ne bude.

At her funeral,

Na njenoj sahrani,

despite all of her career accomplishments, nobody talked about any of that.

uprkos njenim karijernim dostignućima, niko uopšte nije govorio o tome.

They talked about who she was, nobody cared about what she'd done.

Govorili su o tome ko je bila, nikog nije bilo briga čime se bavila.

When we focus on our productivity,

Kada se fokusiramo na produktivnost,

we highlight what we have to do to feel worthy,

naglašavamo šta moramo da uradimo da bismo se osećali dostojnim,

rather than who we get to be,

a ne ko bismo mogli da budemo,

where worthiness is our birthright

gde je dostojnost naše urođeno pravo,

and we are human.

a mi smo ljudi.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

We're human.

Ljudi smo.

Messily, magically, fantastically,

Neuredno, čarobno, fantastično,

beautifully, briefly,

prelepo, kratko,

perfectly human.

savršeno ljudski.

Now humans are meaning-making machines.

Sad, ljudi su mašine za pravljenje smisla.

We can make a story out of anything and make it sound good.

Sve možemo da pretvorimo u priču koja zvuči dobro.

So why not then make meaning out of the magic of the mundane?

Zašto onda ne napraviti smisao od čarolije svakodnevice?

And absolve ourselves of the responsibility

I time se oslobodimo odgovornosti

of trying to have some grand life purpose?

pokušaja dosezanja nekakve uzvišene životne svrhe?

Why not just give ourselves permission to be fully human,

Zašto prosto ne damo sebi dozvolu da budemo u potpunosti ljudi,

to be fallible, to be messy, to be here while we're here?

da budemo pogrešivi, neuredni, da budemo ovde dok smo ovde?

I mean, is nobody else tripping out over the fact

Mislim, zar niko drugi nije sluđen zbog činjenice

that we're on a giant blue rock spinning through space?

da smo na ogromnom plavom kamenu koji se vrti kroz svemir?

Y'all don't trip about that, because I do regularly.

Niste sluđeni zbog toga, jer ja redovno jesam.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

And then what really trips me out is that while that's going on,

A ono što me zaista izbezumljuje je da dok se sve to dešava,

we're getting bent out of shape over traffic.

gubimo razum zbog saobraćaja.

Please let the cars merge, OK?

Molim vas pustite kola da se prestroje, važi?

Can we agree universally we're going to let people merge?

Možemo li univerzalno da pustimo ljude da se prestrojavaju?

Let them merge, let them merge.

Nek se prestrojavaju, nek se prestrojavaju.

Let them merge.

It requires nothing of you, just to give them a little bit of time.

Nek se prestrojavaju.

Ne traži se ništa od vas, samo da im date malo vremena.

And in fact, it's probably taking more time off your life

I zapravo, verovatno vam oduzima više vremena u životu

by all the high blood pressure when you don't want to let them merge.

zbog visokog krvnog pritiska kada im ne dozvolite da se prestroje.

Just let them in, it'll be fine, everybody's fine, it's OK.

Samo ih propustite, biće sve u redu, svi su u redu, u redu je.

Hold life lightly.

Budite rasterećeni.

We've got to hold life really, really lightly.

Moramo da doživljavamo život krajnje, krajnje rasterećeno.

We are all dying.

Svi mi umiremo.

We're all dying.

Svi mi umiremo.

Now I can understand why people maybe don't want to talk about death

Sad, mogu da razumem zašto ljudi možda ne žele da govore o smrti

or think about it.

ili da misle o njoj.

It's uncomfortable.

Nelagodna je.

It's sad, it's scary, icky.

Tužna, zastrašujuća, gnjecava.

Acknowledging your death means that you are not the center of the story,

Prihvatanje sopstvene smrti znači da niste središte priče,

and that is disquieting to the very fragile human ego.

a to je uznemirujuće za izuzetno krhki ljudski ego.

Acknowledging your mortality also means acknowledging our powerlessness

Pihvatanje sopstvene smrtnosti znači i prihvatanje naše nemoći

and lack of control we have in life.

i odsustva kontrole koju imamo u životu.

Also icky.

I to je gnjecavo.

It also means surrendering to the big "I don't knows" of life

Takođe znači predavanje velikim „nepoznanicama” života

and also the really big "I don't knows"

kao i zaista velikim nepoznanicama

of "what, if anything, happens after we die?"

toga „šta se, i da li išta, dešava nakon što umremo?”

But since we don't know,

Međutim, kako ne znamo,

why not imagine something absurd,

zašto ne bismo zamislili nešto apsurdno,

something glorious, something huge?

nešto veličanstveno, nešto ogromno?

A vision that actually serves you

Viziju koja vam ide u prilog

rather than makes you want to recoil in fear.

umesto da zbog nje ustuknete u strahu.

We could.

Mogli bismo.

You want to hear my working theory?

Da li želite da čujete moju radnu teoriju?

It's absurd, OK?

Apsurdna je, u redu?

And please remember, even though I might kind of look like Miss Cleo,

I molim vas upamtite, iako možda nekako izgledam kao vidovnjakinja,

I don't know anything about what happens after we die, alright?

ne znam ništa o tome šta se dešava kada umremo, u redu?

This is just an idea, OK.

Ovo je samo zamisao, u redu.

So I'm on my deathbed.

Dakle, na smrtnoj sam postelji.

On the outside, they are clapping.

Napolju aplaudiraju.

On the inside -- well, I've hit my death pose, all right?

Unutra - pa, zauzela sam pozu mrtvaca, u redu?

I'm in my death pose.

U pozi sam mrtvaca.

On the inside,

Unutra,

I'm starting to feel everything I ever felt in this body,

počinjem da osećam sve što sam ikad osećala u ovom telu,

all at the same time.

sve istovremeno.

It's all starting to gather up in my body all at the same time.

Sve počinje da se sakuplja u mom telu u isto vreme.

Like that one time I was 11 and I stepped on a frog.

Kao jednom kad sam imala 11 godina i nagazila na žabu.

I mean, poor frog, and I felt so bad,

Mislim, jadna žaba, osećala sam se loše,

but I was barefoot, ew,

ali bila sam bosa, fuj,

like, I can still feel it squishing up between my toes.

i dalje osećam kako se gnječi između mojih prstiju.

Yuck.

Bljak.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

When you bite into an orange and the juice squirts into your mouth,

Kada zagrizete pomorandžu i sok vam prsne u usta,

and then there's the little bite in your jaw,

a onda osetite peckanje u vilici,

there's a little bite in your jaw because it's sour.

pecka vas po vilici jer je kisela.

Or when you first bite into a fried plantain.

Ili kad prvi put zagrizete pečenu divlju bananu.

Or getting into clean sheets, that feeling gathering in my body,

Ili se smestite u čistu posteljinu, to osećanje mi se skuplja u telu,

all the feelings, getting into a hot shower,

sva osećanja, ulazak pod vreo tuš,

listening to a song that you love for the very first time,

slušanje pesme koju volite prvi put,

I'm hearing Stevie Wonder "As" playing,

čujem „As” Stivija Vondera kako svira,

how I feel my spirit when I see the color yellow.

kako osećam svoj duh kada vidim žutu boju.

Just all these feelings are starting to roll up in my body.

Prosto mi se sva ova osećanja nakupljaju u telu.

My niece’s laughter, my nephew trying to teach me how to Dougie.

Smeh moje nećake, nećak koji me uči da plešem dagi.

It did not go well.

Nije dobro prošlo.

It didn't go well, I still don't know how to do it.

Nije dobro prošlo, i dalje ne znam kako se to radi.

How I can look into my partner's eyes

Kako mogu da pogledam u oči svog partnera

and just by looking into his eyes, I can feel love in my body.

i samo gledanjem u njegove oči mogu da osetim ljubav u mom telu.

All these feelings are starting to gather up in my body.

Sva ova osećanja počinju da se sakupljaju u mom telu.

At the same time, I'm also feeling every little bit of pain I've ever felt

Istovremeno, osećam svaki i najmanji bol koji sam ikad osetila

physically and emotionally.

fizički i emocionalno.

I'm feeling all the sensations, I'm feeling anger, feeling rage,

Osećam sve senzacije, osećam bes, osećam jarost,

feeling frustration, feeling grief, feeling sadness,

osećam frustracije, osećam patnju, osećam tugu,

feeling all those things gathering up in my body.

osećam sve te stvari kako mi se sakupljaju u telu.

I'm feeling despair, desperation, sadness.

Osećam očaj, beznađe, tugu.

I'm feeling insecurity.

Osećam nesigurnost.

All the crippling doubt,

Svu parališuću sumnju,

I'm feeling all the failures, all the disappointments.

osećam sve poraze, sva razočaranja.

Every single time I thought I couldn't make it through the day,

Svaki put kad sam mislila da neću pregurati dan,

It's all starting to gather up in my body.

sve to počinje da se nakuplja u mom telu.

I'm also remembering every single time I did get up.

Takođe se sećam svakog puta kada jesam ustala.

So I'm also feeling all the hope,

Pa osećam i svu nadu,

all the joy, all the awe, all the mystery,

sav užitak, zadivljenost, svu misteriju,

all the freedom that I feel in this body.

svu slobodu koju osećam u ovom telu.

But most of all, I'm also feeling all of the love,

Ali iznad svega, takođe osećam svu ljubav,

all the aching love that underwrites it all.

svu bolnu ljubav koja je u srži svega.

And when I cannot take it anymore,

I kada više ne mogu da podnesem,

I am saturated with this experience that I've had,

zasićena sam ovim iskustvom koje imam,

poof, I explode into a cosmic orgasm.

puf, eksplodiram u kosmičkom orgazmu.

Audience: Yes!

Publika: Da!

AA: Yes.

AA: Da.

And like a pinata that's broken open,

I poput puknute pinjate,

pieces of glitter start to fall from the sky.

komadići šljokica počinju da padaju s neba.

Glitter confetti, falling, falling.

Svetlucavi konfeti, padaju, padaju.

Orange, pink, purple, yellow, turquoise, everything.

Narandžasti, roze, ljubičasti, žuti, tirkizni, svi.

Gold, silver, falling, falling, falling, like a really soft snow shower.

Zlatni, srebrni, padaju, padaju, padaju poput veoma blagog snežnog pljuska.

Falling everywhere.

Padaju svuda.

In larger concentrations on the people who loved me.

U velikim koncentracijama po ljudima koji su me voleli.

And in lesser concentration on those people whose lives I touched.

I u manjim koncentracijama po ljudima čije sam živote dotakla.

And then the rest of it just gets reabsorbed

A potom se ostatak prosto nanovo apsorbuje

into a big undulating glitter wave

u veliki pulsirajući svetlucavi talas

that goes on all around as far as I can see,

koji se pruža uokolo dokle mi pogled seže,

for all of eternity that envelops and encompasses us all.

za čitavu večnost koja obuhvata i zaokružuje sve nas.

Maybe it's just glitter.

Možda su prosto šljokice.

Could it be?

Može li biti?

It could be anything.

Moglo bi biti bilo šta.

All I know is at that point, all I believe is at that point,

Sve što znam je da u toj tački, sve u šta verujem je da u toj tački,

when the glitter, all the pieces of me have been reencompassed,

kada šljokice, svi delići mene budu ponovo obuhvaćeni,

the I that I think of myself as,

ja kako doživljavam sebe,

Alua Adwoba Arthur,

Alua Ađoba Artur,

having this one single solitary human experience,

koja imam ovo jedinstveno usamljeno ljudsko iskustvo,

has been reenveloped into all that ever was

nanovo sam umotana u sve što je ikad bilo

and all that ever will be,

i što će ikad biti.

And it is complete.

I potpuno je.

And I am safe.

I bezbedna sam.

I am still far from where I was in Cuba.

I dalje sam daleko od stanja u kom sam bila na Kubi.

At that point, my death would have come as a relief.

U toj tački, smrt bi mi došla poput olakšanja.

An ending to my pain and to my suffering

Okončanje mog bola i patnje,

and a way out of this life that I couldn't quite figure out how to get into.

kao i izlaz iz života u koji nisam mogla da shvatim kako da se uključim.

If I'm to die today,

Ako danas umrem,

I know that my death will come as a celebration.

znam da će mi smrt doći kao svetkovina.

As a culmination of a life lived in and loved.

Kao kulminacija života proživljenog i voljenog.

A life that's worth dying from.

Života od koga vredi umreti.

After the last decade spent supporting people

Nakon poslednje decenije provedene u podržavanju ljudi

as they think through their lives and prepare for their death,

dok se osvrću na svoje živote i pripremaju se za smrt,

I know,

znam,

I trust that the real gift in being with our mortality

verujem da je istinski dar postojanja s našom smrtnošću

is the sheer wonder that we live at all.

sama zadivljenost time da smo uopšte živi.

That's all I got.

To je sve što imam.

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

(Cheers and applause)

(Ovacije i aplauz)