Why it's so hard to talk about the N-word | Elizabeth Stordeur Pryor

Transcriber: Ivana Korom Reviewer: Krystian Aparta

Translator: Vera Vasiljevic Reviewer: Nika Kotnik

The minute she said it,

V trenutku, ko je izgovorila to,

the temperature in my classroom dropped.

se je vzdušje v predavalnici spremenilo.

My students are usually laser-focused on me,

Študenti me ponavadi zelo pozorno poslušajo,

but they shifted in their seats and looked away.

zdaj pa so se obotavljali na stolih in umikali poglede.

I'm a black woman

Sem črnka,

who teaches the histories of race and US slavery.

ki predava o zgodovini rase in suženjstvu v Ameriki.

I'm aware that my social identity is always on display.

Zavedam se, da je moja družbena identiteta vedno vidna.

And my students are vulnerable too,

Tudi moji študenti so izpostavljeni,

so I'm careful.

zato sem previdna.

I try to anticipate what part of my lesson might go wrong.

Poskušam predvideti, kateri del predavanja bi lahko bil težaven,

But honestly,

vendar iskreno rečeno --

I didn't even see this one coming.

tega sploh nisem pričakovala.

None of my years of graduate school prepared me for what to do

Vsa leta študija me niso pripravila na scenarij,

when the N-word entered my classroom.

ko beseda na N (ang. Nigger = črnuh) prestopi prag predavalnice.

Bilo je prvo leto mojega poučevanja,

I was in my first year of teaching

when the student said the N-word in my class.

ko je študentka med predavanjem izrekla besedo na N.

She was not calling anyone a name.

Nikogar ni zmerjala.

She was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

Bila je zelo motivirana študentka,

She came to class with her readings done,

na predavanja je prihajala pripravljena,

she sat in the front row

sedela je v prvi vrsti

and she was always on my team.

in bila vedno na moji strani.

When she said it,

Ko je izgovorila besedo na N,

she was actually making a point about my lecture,

se je dejansko nanašala na moje predavanje,

by quoting a line from a 1970s movie, a comedy,

citirala je besede iz filma, komedije iz sedemdesetih,

that had two racist slurs.

ki so vsebovale dve rasistični žaljivki.

One for people of Chinese descent

Ena se je nanašala na ljudi kitajskega porekla

and the other the N-word.

in druga je bila beseda na N.

As soon as she said it, I held up my hands, said, "Whoa, whoa."

V trenutku, ko je to izgovorila, sem dvignila roke in rekla: "No, no."

But she assured me,

Vendar mi je zagotovila,

"It's a joke from 'Blazing Saddles,'"

da gre za šalo iz filma Vroča sedla (Blazing Saddles),

and then she repeated it.

in jo ponovila.

This all happened 10 years ago,

To se je pripetilo pred desetimi leti

and how I handled it haunted me for a long time.

in moj takratni odziv na to me je dolgo moril.

It wasn't the first time I thought about the word

Ni bilo prvič, da sem o tej besedi razmišljala

in an academic setting.

v akademskem smislu.

I'm a professor of US history,

Sem namreč profesorica ameriške zgodovine

it's in a lot of the documents that I teach.

in beseda se pogosto pojavlja v gradivu, ki ga predavam.

So I had to make a choice.

Zato sem morala sprejeti odločitev.

After consulting with someone I trusted,

Po posvetu z osebo, ki ji zaupam,

I decided to never say it.

sem se odločila, da je nikoli ne izgovorim,

Not even to quote it.

niti da jo citiram.

But instead to use the euphemistic phrase, "the N-word."

Odločila sem se za uporabo olepševalnice "beseda na N".

Even this decision was complicated.

A tudi ta odločitev mi je povzročala preglavice.

I didn't have tenure yet,

Nisem še imela stalne profesure,

and I worried that senior colleagues

zato me je skrbelo, da me bodo starejši sodelavci

would think that by using the phrase I wasn't a serious scholar.

imeli za neresno akademikinjo zaradi uporabe olepševalne fraze.

But saying the actual word still felt worse.

A uporaba prave besede se mi je bolj upirala.

The incident in my classroom forced me to publicly reckon with the word.

Pripetljaj v predavalnici me je prisil k soočenju z besedo v javnosti.

The history, the violence,

Soočenju z zgodovino, z nasiljem,

but also --

tudi z ...

The history, the violence, but also any time it was hurled at me,

Z nasiljem, zgodovino pa tudi s trenutki, ko je bila namenjena meni,

spoken casually in front of me,

ko se je brezbrižno omenjala v moji navzočnosti,

any time it rested on the tip of someone's tongue,

ko je bila nekomu na vrhu jezika.

it all came flooding up in that moment,

Vse je to me je prevzelo v tistem trenutku,

right in front of my students.

naravnost pred mojimi študenti.

And I had no idea what to do.

In nisem imela pojma, kaj storiti.

So I've come to call stories like mine points of encounter.

Tako sem takšne zgodbe, kot je moja, poimenovala "trenutki soočanja".

A point of encounter describes the moment you came face-to-face with the N-word.

Trenutek soočanja opisuje trenutek, ko se neposredno srečaš z besedo na N.

If you've even been stumped or provoked by the word,

Če smo bili kdaj zbegani ali sprovocirani zaradi besede,

whether as the result of an awkward social situation,

denimo v kakšni nelagodni socialni situaciji,

an uncomfortable academic conversation,

neprijetni akademski debati,

something you heard in pop culture,

zaradi nečesa, kar smo slišali v pop kulturi,

or if you've been called the slur,

če smo bili z besedo ozmerjani

or witnessed someone getting called the slur,

ali če smo bili priča zmerjanju s to žaljivko,

you have experienced a point of encounter.

smo doživeli "trenutek soočanja".

And depending on who you are and how that moment goes down,

Naš odziv na trenutek soočanja je odvisen od tega,

you might have a range of responses.

kdo smo in kako se dogodek odvija.

Could throw you off a little bit,

Lahko nas le rahlo vrže s tira

or it could be incredibly painful and humiliating.

ali pa je izkušnja izredno boleča in ponižujoča.

I've had lots of these points of encounter in my life,

V svojem življenju sem imela ogromno takšnih trenutkov soočanja,

but one thing is true.

vendar eno drži --

There's not a lot of space to talk about them.

ni veliko priložnosti za pogovor o le-teh.

That day in my classroom was pretty much like all of those times

Tisti dan v predavalnici sem se počutila kot že mnogokrat,

I had an uninvited run-in with the N-word.

ko sem doživela neželeno soočenje z besedo na N.

I froze.

Zmrznila sem.

Because the N-word is hard to talk about.

Ker je težko govoriti o besedi na N.

Part of the reason the N-word is so hard to talk about,

Delno je o besedi na N težko govoriti zato,

it's usually only discussed in one way,

ker se o njej navadno debatira le na en način --

as a figure of speech, we hear this all the time, right?

kot o besedni figuri- To slišimo pogosto, kajne?

It's just a word.

Samo beseda je.

The burning question that cycles through social media

Žgoče vprašanje, ki kroži po družbenih medijih je,

is who can and cannot say it.

kdo jo lahko izgovori in kdo ne.

Black intellectual Ta-Nehisi Coates does a groundbreaking job

Temnopolti intelektualec Ta-Nehisi Coates premika meje

of defending the African American use of the word.

z zagovarjanjem afroameriškega načina uporabe besede.

On the other hand, Wendy Kaminer,

Na drugi strani pa je Wendy Kaminer,

a white freedom of speech advocate,

belka, ki zagovarja svobodo govora,

argues that if we don't all just come and say it,

mnenja, da izogibanje uporabi besede

we give the word power.

daje sami besedi moč.

And a lot of people feel that way.

In mnogi so istega mnenja.

The Pew Center recently entered the debate.

Nedavno se je razpravi pridružil javnomnenjski institut The Pew Center.

In a survey called "Race in America 2019,"

V anketi z naslovom "Rasa v Ameriki 2019"

researchers asked US adults if they thought is was OK

so povprašali odrasle Američane, če se jim zdi sprejemljivo,

for a white person to say the N-word.

da belci uporabljajo besedo na N.

Seventy percent of all adults surveyed said "never."

Sedemdeset odstotkov anketiranih je odgovorilo z "nikoli".

And these debates are important.

Takšne razprave so pomembne,

But they really obscure something else.

vendar nam dejansko zatiskajo oči.

They keep us from getting underneath to the real conversation.

Onemogočijo nam prodreti globlje v razpravo.

Which is that the N-word is not just a word.

Globlja razprava pa je, da beseda na N ni zgolj beseda.

It's not neatly contained in a racist past,

Ni prijetno vpeta v zgodovino rasizma

a relic of slavery.

kot nekakšen spominek na suženjstvo.

Fundamentally, the N-word is an idea disguised as a word:

V osnovi se za besedo na N skriva ideja:

that black people are intellectually,

da smo temnopolti intelektualno,

biologically

biološko

and immutably inferior to white people.

in nespremenljivo manjvredni od belcev.

And -- and I think this is the most important part --

In kar se mi zdi najpomembnejše --

ideja, da manjvrednost pomeni, da sta nepravičnost, ki jo doživljamo,

that that inferiority means that the injustice we suffer

and inequality we endure

in neenakost, ki jo prenašamo,

is essentially our own fault.

pravzaprav naša lastna krivda.

So, yes, it is ...

Ja, zato je ...

Speaking of the word only as racist spew

Če besedo obravnavamo zgolj kot rasistično žaljivko

or as an obscenity in hip hop music

ali vulgarizem v hiphopu,

makes it sounds as if it's a disease

zveni kot bolezen

located in the American vocal cords

v glasilkah Američanov,

that can be snipped right out.

ki se lahko nemudoma preboli.

It's not, and it can't.

Vendar ni bolezen in se ne preboli.

And I learned this from talking to my students.

In to sem se naučila iz pogovorov s študenti.

So next time class met,

Zato sem se na naslednjem predavanju

I apologized,

opravičila

and I made an announcement.

in objavila novost.

I would have a new policy.

Uvedla sem novo pravilo:

Students would see the word in my PowerPoints,

študenti bodo besedo lahko videli na mojih predstavitvah v PowerPointu,

in film, in essays they read,

v filmih in esejih, ki jih berejo,

but we would never ever say the word out loud in class.

vendar se v predavalnici nikoli ne bo izgovarjala naglas.

Nobody ever said it again.

Nihče je nikoli več ni izgovoril.

But they didn't learn much either.

Vendar se na ta način niso naučili veliko.

Afterwards, what bothered me most

Kasneje me je najbolj motilo to,

was that I didn't even explain to students

da študentom nisem razložila,

why, of all the vile, problematic words in American English,

zakaj ima prav ta beseda,

od vseh prostaških, težavnih ameriških besed,

why this particular word had its own buffer,

nadomestno frazo "beseda na N", ki jo ublaži.

the surrogate phrase "the N-word."

Most of my students,

Večina mojih študentov,

many of them born in the late 1990s and afterwards,

ki je rojenih večinoma konec devetdesetih in kasneje,

didn't even know that the phrase "the N-word"

ni niti vedela, da je fraza "beseda na N"

is a relatively new invention in American English.

relativno nova v ameriški angleščini.

When I was growing up, it didn't exist.

V času mojega odraščanja še ni obstajala.

But in the late 1980s,

A konec osemdesetih

black college students, writers, intellectuals,

so temnopolti študenti, pisatelji in intelektualci

more and more started to talk about racist attacks against them.

vedno glasneje opozarjali na rasistične napade, ki so jih doživljali.

But increasingly, when they told these stories,

In med razkrivanjem svojih zgodb

they stopped using the word.

so se vedno bolj izogibali uporabi te besede.

Instead, they reduced it to the initial N

Namesto prave besede so uporabljali zgolj začetnico N

and called it "the N-word."

in jo poimenovali "beseda na N".

They felt that every time the word was uttered

Zdelo se jim je, da je beseda vsakič, ko je bila izgovorjena,

it opened up old wounds, so they refused to say it.

odprla stare rane, zato je niso želeli več uporabljati.

They knew their listeners would hear the actual word in their heads.

Vedeli so, da bodo njihovi poslušalci v glavah slišali pravo besedo.

That wasn't the point.

Njihov cilj ni bil, da je ne bi.

The point was they didn't want to put the word in their own mouths

Cilj je bil, da se beseda ne pojavi več v njihovih lastnih ustih

or into the air.

ali v zraku.

By doing this,

S tem so celoten narod spodbudili k temu,

they made an entire nation start to second-guess themselves

da so začeli premišljevati,

about saying it.

ali bi besedo uporabljali.

This was such a radical move

To je bil tako radikalen korak,

that people are still mad about it.

da se ljudje še vedno razburjajo glede tega.

Critics accuse those of us who use the phrase "the N-word,"

Kritiki vidijo nas, ki uporabljamo frazo "beseda na N",

or people who become outraged,

in ljudi, ki se razburijo zgolj ob omembi besede,

you know, just because the word is said,

of being overprincipled,

kot pretirano načelne,

politically correct

politično korektne

or, as I just read a couple of weeks ago in The New York Times,

ali, kot sem pred kratkim prebrala v časopisu The New York Times,

"insufferably woke."

kot "pretirano na preži".

Right?

Ni res?

So I bought into this a little bit too,

Vse to je nekoliko pritegnilo tudi mojo pozornost,

which is why the next time I taught the course

zato sem na naslednjem predavanju

I proposed a freedom of speech debate.

pozvala k razpravi o svobodi govora.

The N-word in academic spaces, for or against?

Beseda na N v akademskih krogih -- za ali proti?

I was certain students would be eager

Bila sem prepričana, da se bo vnela vroča razprava o tem,

to debate who gets to say it and who doesn't.

kdo besedo lahko uporablja in kdo ne.

But they weren't.

Vendar se ni.

Instead ...

Namesto tega ...

my students started confessing.

so študenti začeli odkrivati svoje zgodbe.

A white student from New Jersey talked about standing by

Študentka iz New Jerseyja, belka, je razkrila,

da je bila v šoli priča zmerjanju temnopoltega otroka z besedo na N

as a black kid at her school got bullied by this word.

She did nothing and years later still carried the guilt.

in ni storila čisto nič. Še leta zatem jo je pekla vest.

Another from Connecticut

Drugi študent iz Connecticuta

talked about the pain of severing

je spregovoril o boleči zaostritvi odnosa z družinskim članom,

a very close relationship with a family member,

s katerim sta si bila zelo blizu,

because that family member refused to stop saying the word.

saj le-ta ni želel prenehati z uporabo te besesede.

One of the most memorable stories came from a very quiet black student

Ena najbolj osupljivih zgodb je zgodba tihe temnopolte študentke

from South Carolina.

iz Južne Karoline.

She didn't understand all the fuss.

Ni razumela, zakaj se dviga toliku prahu glede tega.

She said everyone at her school said the word.

Na njeni šoli so besedo uporabljali vsi.

She wasn't talking about kids calling each other names in the hall.

V mislih ni imela otrok, ki se zmerjajo na hodnikih.

She explained that at her school

Razložila je, da so učitelji in drugi nadrejeni na njeni šoli

when teachers and administrators

became frustrated with an African American student,

dejansko nagovorili temnopolte dijake s to besedo,

they called that student the actual N-word.

če so jih le-ti vrgli s tira.

She said it didn't bother her at all.

Rekla je, da je to ni motilo.

But then a couple of days later,

Čez nekaj dni

she came to visit me in my office hours and wept.

pa je objokana prišla na mojo govorilno uro.

She thought she was immune.

Mislila je, da ji to ne pride do živega,

She realized that she wasn't.

in dojela, da temu ni tako.

Over the last 10 years,

V preteklih desetih letih

I have literally heard hundreds of these stories

sem slišala dobesedno na stotine takšnih zgodb

from all kinds of people from all ages.

od najrazličnejših ljudi vseh starosti.

People in their 50s remembering stories from the second grade

Petdesetletniki so se spominjali zgodb iz drugega razreda

and when they were six,

ali ko so bili stari šest,

either calling people the word or being called the word,

kako so zmerjali druge s to besedo ali bili zmerjani,

but carrying that all these years around this word, you know.

kar jih je bremenilo še leta in leta.

And as I listened to people talk about their points of encounter,

Med poslušanjem ljudi, ki so govorili o svojih trenutkih soočanja z besedo na N,

the pattern that emerged for me as a teacher that I found most upsetting

me je kot profesorico najbolj vznemirjal vzorec, ki se je pojavil:

is the single most fraught site

najbolj napeto prizorišče za takšne trenutke soočanja

for these points of encounter

is the classroom.

je učilnica.

Most US kids are going to meet the N-word in class.

Večina ameriških otrok se z besedo na N sreča v razredu.

One of the most assigned books in US high schools

Ena najbolj obravnavanih knjig v ameriških srednjih šolah

is Mark Twain’s "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn"

je knjiga Marka Twaina Dogodivščine Huckleberry Finna,

in which the word appears over 200 times.

v kateri se beseda pojavi več kot dvestokrat.

And this isn't an indictment of "Huck Finn."

S tem ne kritiziram knjige.

The word is in lots of US literature and history.

Beseda se pogosto pojavlja v ameriški literaturi in zgodovini,

It's all over African American literature.

je vseprisotna v afroameriški literaturi.

Yet I hear from students

Vendar s strani študentov slišim,

that when the word is said during a lesson

da ko se beseda izgovori med predavanjem

without discussion and context,

brez razprave in konteksta,

it poisons the entire classroom environment.

popolnoma uniči vzdušje v predavalnici.

The trust between student and teacher is broken.

Zaupanje med študenti in profesorjem je porušeno.

Even so, many teachers,

Kljub temu številni profesorji,

often with the very best of intentions,

sicer z najboljšim namenom,

still say the N-word in class.

še vedno pogosto izgovarjajo besedo na N med poučevanjem.

They want to show and emphasize the horrors of US racism,

Želijo predstaviti in poudariti grozote rasizma v ZDA,

so they rely on it for shock value.

zato jo uporabljajo kot sredstvo za vzbujanje šoka.

Invoking it brings into stark relief

Sklicevanje nanjo zelo nazorno oriše grdoto zgodovine našega naroda.

the ugliness of our nation's past.

But they forget

Vendar pozabljajo,

the ideas are alive and well in our cultural fabric.

da so te ideje še kako žive v naši kulturi.

The six-letter word is like a capsule of accumulated hurt.

Ta beseda s šestimi črkami je kot puška, nabita z nakopičeno bolečino.

Every time it is said, every time,

Vsakič, ko je izrečena, vsakič, ko se puška sproži,

it releases into the atmosphere the hateful notion

izstreli v zrak sovražno idejo,

that black people are less.

da smo črnci manjvredni.

My black students tell me

Moji temnopolti študenti mi pravijo,

that when the word is quoted or spoken in class,

da se, ko je beseda citirana ali izrečena v predavalnici,

they feel like a giant spotlight is shining on them.

počutijo kot pod ogromnim žarometom.

One of my students told me

Eden od študentov mi je povedal,

that his classmates were like bobbleheads,

da so bili njegovi sošolci tako otročji, da so se obračali proti njemu,

turning to gauge his reaction.

da bi videli njegov odziv ob omembi besede.

A white student told me that in the eighth grade,

Svetlopolti študent mi je povedal, da je bil v osmem razredu,

when they were learning "To Kill a Mockingbird"

ko so obravnavali knjigo Ubiti ptico oponašalko

and reading it out loud in class,

in jo brali naglas,

the student was stressed out

tako pod pritiskom, ker bi moral prebrati besedo,

at the idea of having to read the word,

which the teacher insisted all students do,

pri čemer je učitelj vztrajal, da morajo vsi,

that the student ended up spending most of the unit

da se je večino ure skrival v kopalnici.

hiding out in the bathroom.

This is serious.

Gre za resno zadevo.

Students across the country

Študenti po celi državi

talk about switching majors and dropping classes

se odločajo za zamenjavo specializacije in izostajanje od pouka

zaradi pomanjkljivega načina poučevanja glede besede na N.

because of poor teaching around the N-word.

The issue of faculty carelessly speaking the word

Problem brezbrižne uporabe besede v akademskih krogih

has reached such a fevered pitch,

je na samem vrhuncu.

it's led to protests at Princeton, Emory,

Povzročil je proteste na univerzah v Princetonu in Emoryju,

The New School,

na univerzi The New School,

Smith College, where I teach,

na kolidžu Smith, kjer predavam,

and Williams College,

in kolidžu Williams,

where just recently students have boycotted the entire English Department

na katerem so študenti pred kratkim bojkotirali celoten oddelek za angleščino

over it and other issues.

zaradi uporabe besede na N in drugih težav.

And these were just the cases that make the news.

In to so samo primeri, ki so medijsko znani.

This is a crisis.

To je kriza.

And while student reaction

Odzivi študentov se zdijo kot napad na svobodo govora,

looks like an attack on freedom of speech,

I promise this is an issue of teaching.

vendar gre za problem v načinu poučevanju.

My students are not afraid of materials that have the N-word in it.

Moji študenti nimajo težav z gradivom, v katerem se pojavlja beseda na N.

They want to learn about James Baldwin

Želijo se učiti o Jamesu Baldwinu

and William Faulkner

in Williamu Faulkneru

and about the civil rights movement.

in o gibanju za državljanske pravice.

In fact, their stories show

Pravzaprav so njihove zgodbe tiste, ki kažejo,

that this word is a central feature of their lives as young people

da igra ta beseda osrednjo vlogo v njihovih mladostniških letih

in the United States.

v Združenih državah.

It's in the music they love.

Je v glasbi, ki jo radi poslušajo,

And in the popular culture they emulate,

v popularni kulturi, ki jo posnemajo,

the comedy they watch,

v komedijah, ki jih gledajo,

it's in TV and movies

na televiziji, v filmih

and memorialized in museums.

in je spominsko obeležena v muzejih.

They hear it in locker rooms,

Slišijo jo v garderobah,

on Instagram,

na Instagramu,

in the hallways at school,

na šolskih hodnikih,

in the chat rooms of the video games they play.

v klepetalnicah videoigric, ki jih igrajo.

It is all over the world they navigate.

Je vsepovsod v njihovem svetu.

But they don't know how to think about it

Vendar ne vedo, kako naj razmišljajo o besedi

or even really what the word means.

ali kaj ta beseda sploh pomeni.

I didn't even really understand what the word meant

Tudi sama nisem resnično razumela pomena beseda,

until I did some research.

dokler je nisem nekoliko raziskala.

I was astonished to learn

Presenečeno sem ugotovila,

that black people first incorporated the N-word into the vocabulary

da so temnopolti ljudje besedo na N prvič dodali v besedišče

as political protest,

kot politični protest.

not in the 1970s or 1980s

Ne v sedemdesetih ali osemdesetih 20. stoletja,

but as far back as the 1770s.

vendar že v sedemdesetih letih 18. stoletja.

And I wish I had more time to talk

Žal nimam veliko časa za pogovor

about the long, subversive history of the black use of the N-word.

o dolgi in prevratni zgodovini afroameriške uporabe besede na N.

But I will say this:

A rekla bom eno:

Many times, my students will come up to me and say,

moji študenti bodo rekli,

"I understand the virulent roots of this word, it's slavery."

da razumejo krut izvor besede, da gre za suženjstvo.

They are only partially right.

A le delno imajo prav.

This word, which existed before it became a slur,

Beseda je obstajala preden je postala žaljivka,

but it becomes a slur at a very distinct moment in US history,

a žaljivka je postala v izredno odločilnem trenutku ameriške zgodovine,

and that's as large numbers of black people begin to become free,

ko so se številni temnopolti začeli osvobajati suženjstva,

starting in the North in the 1820s.

na začetku dvajsetih let 19. stoletja na severu.

In other words,

Drugače rečeno:

this word is fundamentally an assault on black freedom,

ta beseda je v osnovi napad na črnsko svobodo,

black mobility,

črnsko mobilnost

and black aspiration.

in črnska prizadevanja.

Even now,

Celo dandanes

nothing so swiftly unleashes an N-word tirade

nič ne sproži tako hitro tirade o besedi na N

as a black person asserting their rights

kot črnec, ki se bori za svoje pravice,

or going where they please or prospering.

ali okoliščine, v katerih gre temnopoltim dobro.

Think of the attacks on Colin Kaepernick when he kneeled.

Spomnite se napadov na nogometaša Colina Kaepernicka, ko je pokleknil,

Or Barack Obama when he became president.

ali na Baracka Obamo, ko je postal predsednik.

My students want to know this history.

Moji študenti se želijo učiti o tej zgodovini.

But when they ask questions, they're shushed and shamed.

A ko postavljajo vprašanja, so utišani ali osramočeni.

By shying away from talking about the N-word,

Z izogibanjem pogovoru o besedi na N

we have turned this word into the ultimate taboo,

smo besedo spremenili v popoln tabu,

crafting it into something so tantalizing,

dali smo ji moč, da nas spravi v takšno negotovost,

that for all US kids,

da pri vseh otrocih v Ameriki, ne glede na to, katere rase so,

no matter their racial background,

part of their coming of age is figuring out

del odraščanja zaznamuje ugotavljanje, kako se spopasti s to besedo.

how to negotiate this word.

We treat conversations about it like sex before sex education.

Pogovore o tem obravnavamo kot pogovor o seksu pred spolno vzgojo.

We're squeamish, we silence them.

Ne prenesemo jih, zatremo jih.

So they learn about it from misinformed friends and in whispers.

Zato se otroci o besedi učijo na skrivaj in od prijateljev brez pravih informacij.

I wish I could go back to the classroom that day

Želim si, da bi se lahko vrnila v predavalnico tistega dne

and push through my fear

in premagala svoj strah

to talk about the fact that something actually happened.

ter spregovorila o tem, da se je dejansko nekaj zgodilo.

Not just to me or to my black students.

Ne samo meni ali mojim temnopoltim študentom,

But to all of us.

temveč vsem nam.

You know, I think

Mislim, da nas vse povezuje ravno to,

we're all connected by our inability to talk about this word.

da ne zmoremo govoriti o tej besedi.

But what if we explored our points of encounter

Kaj pa če bi razmislili o naših trenutkih soočanja

and did start to talk about it?

in začeli govoriti o tem?

Today, I try to create the conditions in my classroom

Danes poskušam med predavanji ustvariti pogoje,

to have open and honest conversations about it.

da lahko odprto in iskreno govorimo o tem.

One of those conditions -- not saying the word.

Eden od teh pogojev je, da besede ne izrečemo.

We're able to talk about it

Zmožni smo govoriti o njej,

because it doesn't come into the classroom.

ker se med predavanjem ne izreče.

Another important condition

Naslednji pomemben pogoj je,

is I don't make my black students responsible

da ne poskušam spodbujati temnopoltih študentov,

for teaching their classmates about this.

da učijo svoje sošolce o tem.

That is my job.

To je moja naloga.

So I come prepared.

Zato se vedno pripravim.

I hold the conversation with a tight rein,

Predavanje poteka po strogem protokolu

and I'm armed with knowledge of the history.

in oborožena sem z znanjem iz zgodovine.

I always ask students the same question:

Študentom vedno zastavim isto vprašanje:

Why is talking about the N-word hard?

zakaj je tako težko govoriti o besedi na N?

Their answers are amazing.

Njihovi odgovori so neverjetni.

They're amazing.

Neverjetni so.

More than anything though,

Predvsem pa sem se dobro seznanila

I have become deeply acquainted with my own points of encounter,

s svojimi lastnimi trenutki soočanja,

my personal history around this word.

z mojo osebno zgodovino, povezano s to besedo.

Because when the N-word comes to school,

Ker se beseda na N pojavlja v šolah

or really anywhere,

in resnično vsepovsod,

it brings with it all of the complicated history of US racism.

prinaša s seboj vso težavno zgodovino ameriškega rasizma.

The nation's history

Zgodovino naroda

and my own,

in mojo lastno zgodovino,

right here, right now.

tukaj in zdaj.

There's no avoiding it.

Ne izogibajmo se je.

(Applause)

(Aplavz)