A young poet tells the story of Darfur | Emtithal Mahmoud

125,543 views ・ 2017-04-24

TED


Please double-click on the English subtitles below to play the video.

00:12
I was 10 years old when I learned what the word "genocide" meant.
0
12814
4117
00:18
It was 2003,
1
18575
1704
00:20
and my people were being brutally attacked because of their race --
2
20303
4102
00:24
hundreds of thousands murdered,
3
24429
1804
00:26
millions displaced,
4
26257
1948
00:28
a nation torn apart at the hands of its own government.
5
28229
3299
00:32
My mother and father immediately began speaking out against the crisis.
6
32019
4190
00:36
I didn't really understand it,
7
36233
1486
00:37
except for the fact that it was destroying my parents.
8
37743
2846
00:41
One day, I walked in on my mother crying,
9
41211
3713
00:44
and I asked her why we are burying so many people.
10
44948
4647
00:50
I don't remember the words that she chose
11
50220
2703
00:52
to describe genocide to her 10-year-old daughter,
12
52947
4237
00:57
but I remember the feeling.
13
57208
1629
00:59
We felt completely alone,
14
59561
3055
01:02
as if no one could hear us,
15
62640
1918
01:04
as if we were essentially invisible.
16
64582
2809
01:08
This is when I wrote my first poem about Darfur.
17
68179
4029
01:12
I wrote poetry to convince people to hear and see us,
18
72964
4988
01:17
and that's how I learned the thing that changed me.
19
77976
2470
01:21
It's easy to be seen.
20
81111
1796
01:22
I mean, look at me -- I'm a young African woman with a scarf around my head,
21
82931
5110
01:28
an American accent on my tongue
22
88065
2163
01:30
and a story that makes even the most brutal of Monday mornings seem inviting.
23
90252
4358
01:35
But it's hard to convince people that they deserve to be seen.
24
95851
3603
01:40
I learned this in my high school classroom one day,
25
100561
2411
01:42
when my teacher asked me to give a presentation about Darfur.
26
102996
2875
01:45
I was setting up the projector when a classmate of mine said,
27
105895
3895
01:49
"Why do you have to talk about this?
28
109814
2095
01:51
Can't you think about us and how it will make us feel?"
29
111933
3050
01:55
(Laughter)
30
115007
2140
01:57
My 14-year-old self didn't know what to say to her,
31
117171
4064
02:01
or how to explain the pain that I felt in that moment,
32
121259
3862
02:05
and in every moment that we were forced not to talk about "this."
33
125145
4071
02:09
Her words took me back to the days and nights on the ground in Darfur,
34
129240
4844
02:14
where we were forced to remain silent;
35
134108
2454
02:16
where we didn't speak over morning tea
36
136586
2191
02:18
because the warplanes overhead would swallow any and all noise;
37
138801
4453
02:23
back to the days when we were told
38
143278
2123
02:25
not only that we don't deserve to be heard
39
145425
2789
02:28
but that we do not have a right to exist.
40
148238
2816
02:31
And this is where the magic happened,
41
151783
2479
02:34
in that classroom when all the students started taking their seats
42
154286
3223
02:37
and I began to speak,
43
157533
1269
02:38
despite this renewed feeling that I didn't deserve to be there,
44
158826
3739
02:42
that I didn't belong there
45
162589
1440
02:44
or have a right to break the silence.
46
164053
2378
02:46
As I talked,
47
166930
1684
02:48
and my classmates listened,
48
168638
2643
02:51
the fear ebbed away.
49
171305
1470
02:53
My mind became calm,
50
173842
1577
02:55
and I felt safe.
51
175443
1677
02:58
It was the sound of our grieving,
52
178616
2897
03:01
the feel of their arms around me,
53
181537
2723
03:04
the steady walls that held us together.
54
184284
2281
03:07
It felt nothing like a vacuum.
55
187746
1931
03:10
I choose poetry because it's so visceral.
56
190621
3276
03:14
When someone is standing in front of you, mind, body and soul,
57
194641
3310
03:17
saying "Witness me,"
58
197975
1201
03:19
it's impossible not to become keenly aware of your own humanity.
59
199200
3814
03:23
This changed everything for me.
60
203413
1800
03:25
It gave me courage.
61
205237
1546
03:27
Every day I experience the power of witness,
62
207703
2591
03:30
and because of that, I am whole.
63
210318
2101
03:32
And so now I ask:
64
212443
1482
03:33
Will you witness me?
65
213949
1366
03:37
They hand me the microphone
66
217221
2034
03:39
as my shoulders sink under the weight of this stress.
67
219279
3301
03:44
The woman says,
68
224163
1958
03:46
"The one millionth refugee just left South Sudan.
69
226145
2441
03:48
Can you comment?"
70
228610
1457
03:50
I feel my feet rock back and forth on the heels my mother bought,
71
230091
4020
03:54
begging the question:
72
234135
1178
03:55
Do we stay, or is it safer to choose flight?
73
235337
2750
03:58
My mind echoes the numbers:
74
238646
2251
04:01
one million gone,
75
241561
1663
04:03
two million displaced,
76
243248
1622
04:04
400,000 dead in Darfur.
77
244894
2720
04:07
And this lump takes over my throat,
78
247638
1706
04:09
as if each of those bodies just found a grave
79
249368
2622
04:12
right here in my esophagus.
80
252014
1933
04:14
Our once country,
81
254413
1151
04:15
all north and south and east and west,
82
255588
2230
04:17
so restless the Nile couldn't hold us together,
83
257842
2918
04:20
and you ask me to summarize.
84
260784
1859
04:23
They talk about the numbers as if this isn't still happening,
85
263174
3035
04:26
as if 500,000 didn't just die in Syria,
86
266233
3217
04:29
as if 3,000 aren't still making their final stand
87
269474
2894
04:32
at the bottom of the Mediterranean,
88
272392
3164
04:35
as if there aren't entire volumes full of fact sheets about our genocides,
89
275580
4739
04:40
and now they want me to write one.
90
280343
1854
04:43
Fact:
91
283074
1163
04:45
we never talked over breakfast,
92
285703
2262
04:47
because the warplanes would swallow our voices.
93
287989
2715
04:50
Fact:
94
290728
1578
04:52
my grandfather didn't want to leave home,
95
292330
2464
04:54
so he died in a war zone.
96
294818
2029
04:57
Fact:
97
297467
1340
04:58
a burning bush without God is just a fire.
98
298831
3075
05:02
I measure the distance between what I know
99
302472
2186
05:04
and what is safe to say on a microphone.
100
304682
2250
05:06
Do I talk about sorrow? Displacement?
101
306956
2894
05:09
Do I mention the violence,
102
309874
1393
05:11
how it's never as simple as what you see on TV,
103
311291
2680
05:13
how there are weeks' worth of fear before the camera is on?
104
313995
3818
05:19
Do I tell her about our bodies,
105
319474
2620
05:22
how they are 60 percent water,
106
322118
1451
05:23
but we still burn like driftwood,
107
323593
1917
05:25
making fuel of our sacrifice?
108
325534
1882
05:27
Do I tell her the men died first, mothers forced to watch the slaughter?
109
327440
4108
05:31
That they came for our children,
110
331572
1602
05:33
scattering them across the continent until our homes sank?
111
333198
3154
05:36
That even castles sink at the bite of the bomb?
112
336376
3129
05:41
Do I talk about the elderly,
113
341593
1867
05:43
our heroes,
114
343484
1635
05:45
too weak to run, too expensive to shoot,
115
345143
2611
05:47
how they would march them,
116
347778
1383
05:49
hands raised, rifles at their backs,
117
349185
2247
05:51
into the fire?
118
351456
1156
05:52
How their walking sticks kept the flames alive?
119
352636
2270
05:54
It feels too harsh for a bundle of wires and an audience to swallow.
120
354930
5184
06:00
Too relentless,
121
360138
1436
06:01
like the valley that filled with the putrid smoke of our deaths.
122
361598
3859
06:05
Is it better in verse?
123
365481
1833
06:07
Can a stanza become a burial shroud?
124
367934
2701
06:10
Will it sting less if I say it softly?
125
370659
1831
06:12
If you don't see me cry, will you listen better?
126
372514
2303
06:14
Will the pain leave when the microphone does?
127
374841
2116
06:16
Why does every word feel as if I'm saying my last?
128
376981
3194
06:22
Thirty seconds for the sound bite,
129
382076
2167
06:24
and now three minutes for the poem.
130
384267
2100
06:27
My tongue goes dry the same way we died,
131
387140
4064
06:31
becoming ash, having never been coal.
132
391228
3192
06:36
I feel my left leg go numb,
133
396131
2286
06:38
and I realize that I locked my knees,
134
398441
2857
06:41
bracing for impact.
135
401322
1588
06:43
I never wear shoes I can't run in.
136
403557
3024
06:48
Thank you.
137
408150
1157
06:49
(Applause)
138
409808
6094
06:56
So, I wanted to leave on a positive note,
139
416667
4237
07:00
because that's the paradox that this life has been:
140
420928
3476
07:04
in the places where I learned to cry the most,
141
424428
3000
07:07
I also learned how to smile after.
142
427452
3316
07:11
So, here goes.
143
431435
2507
07:16
"You Have a Big Imagination
144
436657
2854
07:20
or
145
440145
1277
07:21
400,000 Ways to Cry."
146
441446
3636
07:26
For Zeinab.
147
446254
1151
07:28
I am a sad girl,
148
448604
1508
07:31
but my face makes other plans,
149
451145
2685
07:33
focusing energy on this smile, so as not to waste it on pain.
150
453854
4822
07:38
The first thing they took was my sleep,
151
458700
2523
07:41
eyes heavy but wide open,
152
461247
2318
07:43
thinking maybe I missed something,
153
463589
2024
07:45
maybe the cavalry is still coming.
154
465637
2174
07:47
They didn't come,
155
467835
1245
07:49
so I bought bigger pillows.
156
469104
1812
07:50
(Laughter)
157
470940
1303
07:53
My grandmother could cure anything
158
473328
3704
07:57
by talking the life out of it.
159
477056
2587
07:59
And she said that I could make a thief in a silo laugh
160
479667
3265
08:02
in the middle of our raging war.
161
482956
2080
08:05
War makes a broken marriage bed out of sorrow.
162
485060
4422
08:10
You want nothing more than to disappear,
163
490018
2181
08:12
but your heart can't salvage enough remnants to leave.
164
492223
3733
08:16
But joy --
165
496668
1344
08:18
joy is the armor we carried across the borders of our broken homeland.
166
498036
4327
08:24
A hasty mix of stories and faces
167
504507
3552
08:28
that lasts long after the flavor is gone.
168
508083
2824
08:31
A muscle memory that overcomes even the most bitter of times,
169
511838
3910
08:35
my memory is spotted with days of laughing until I cried,
170
515772
4549
08:40
or crying until I laughed.
171
520345
1635
08:42
Laughter and tears are both involuntary human reactions,
172
522004
3969
08:45
testaments to our capacity for expression.
173
525997
3173
08:49
So allow me to express
174
529194
1833
08:51
that if I make you laugh,
175
531051
1690
08:52
it's usually on purpose.
176
532765
2079
08:54
And if I make you cry,
177
534868
1727
08:56
I'll still think you are beautiful.
178
536619
1979
08:59
This is for my cousin Zeinab,
179
539087
2695
09:02
bedridden on a random afternoon.
180
542516
3014
09:05
I hadn't seen her since the last time we were in Sudan together,
181
545951
4026
09:10
and there I was at her hospital bedside
182
550001
3954
09:13
in a 400-year-old building in France.
183
553979
3358
09:18
Zeinab wanted to hear poems.
184
558867
2245
09:21
Suddenly, English, Arabic and French were not enough.
185
561999
4050
09:26
Every word I knew became empty noise,
186
566073
3387
09:29
and Zeinab said, "Well, get on with it."
187
569484
2274
09:31
(Laughter)
188
571782
1077
09:32
And I read her everything that I could,
189
572883
3162
09:36
and we laughed,
190
576069
1336
09:37
and we loved it,
191
577429
1156
09:38
and it was the most important stage that I've ever stood on,
192
578609
3975
09:42
surrounded by family,
193
582608
1811
09:44
by remnants of a people who were given as a dowry to a relentless war
194
584443
4776
09:49
but still managed to make pearls of this life;
195
589243
3456
09:52
by the ones who taught me to not only laugh,
196
592723
3716
09:56
but to live in the face of death;
197
596463
2870
09:59
who placed their hands across the sky,
198
599357
2406
10:01
measuring the distance to the sun and saying, "Smile;
199
601787
3367
10:05
I'm gonna meet you there."
200
605178
1655
10:07
And for Zeinab --
201
607618
1580
10:09
Zeinab, who taught me love in a place like France,
202
609942
3571
10:14
Zeinab, who wanted to he.ar poems on her deathbed --
203
614244
4565
10:20
Dilated fibromyalgia.
204
620291
2423
10:23
Her heart muscles expanded
205
623603
2233
10:26
until they couldn't function.
206
626758
1601
10:29
And she held me, and she made me feel like gold.
207
629010
3873
10:32
And I said, "Zeinab,
208
632907
1545
10:35
isn't it strange that your only problem
209
635301
3520
10:38
is that your heart was too big?"
210
638845
2884
10:44
Thank you.
211
644240
1199
10:45
(Applause)
212
645463
4785
About this website

This site will introduce you to YouTube videos that are useful for learning English. You will see English lessons taught by top-notch teachers from around the world. Double-click on the English subtitles displayed on each video page to play the video from there. The subtitles scroll in sync with the video playback. If you have any comments or requests, please contact us using this contact form.

https://forms.gle/WvT1wiN1qDtmnspy7