How to Ask for More — and Get It | Alex Carter | TED

翻译人员: Yip Yan Yeung 校对人员: Sue Lu

The most important things I know about negotiation

关于谈判， 我所知的最重要的一点

I learned in a kayak

是我在度蜜月划皮划艇时学到的。

on my honeymoon.

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Picture this.

想象一下。

I arrive in Hawaii,

我来到了夏威夷，

and I look adoringly at my brand new husband

甜蜜地看着我全新的丈夫，

as we get in a two-person kayak together for a river tour.

我们当时乘着一艘双人皮划艇游览河流。

Then things go wrong fast.

但情况很快就变得不妙了。

You see, in a two-person kayak, the passenger in the back,

在一艘双人皮划艇上，后座的乘客

usually the larger passenger,

通常体型较大，

is supposed to drive using their paddles.

应该用桨向前划船。

Well, I didn’t like how he was driving.

但是我不喜欢他的划船方式。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

So I decided to drive my own way.

所以我决定以我的方式划。

And exactly at the moment I thought I had taken over --

就在我以为我已经成功接手的一瞬间，

We flipped over.

我们翻船了。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Three separate times.

翻了整整三次。

Apparently we set a record.

显然，我们创下了纪录。

So I get back in the kayak now dripping wet,

我回到皮划艇上，已经湿透了，

when our guide up ahead turns back and says,

前方的导游回头说道：

"OK folks, let's negotiate these things to the left

“好吧各位，让我们把船向左引导 （negotiate，意同“谈判”）吧，

because you're going to hit that beach up ahead."

不然就要撞上前面的海滩了。”

Negotiate the kayak.

“引导”皮划艇。

In that moment,

那一刻，

I realized that although I had been teaching negotiation

我发现虽然我已经教了很多年谈判，

for a few years already,

I had missed something important.

但我错过了一些重要的东西。

And I was not alone.

而且我不是个例。

A lot of us have misconceptions about negotiation.

很多人对谈判有误解。

We are taught that it's a battle over money,

我们被教导的是谈判是金钱之争，

that it involves losing,

会造成损失，

so we either fear it or we avoid it altogether.

所以我们要么害怕谈判， 要么干脆避免谈判。

In fact,

实际上，

54 percent of us didn't negotiate our last salary.

我们当中有 54% 的人 没有谈判最近一份薪水。

That's from research, by the way.

顺便，这是研究结果所揭示的，

I'm not actually seeing into your souls.

并非是我看穿了你们的心思。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

The fact is that before that guide,

其实在那位导游之前，

I had never heard anyone use the word negotiate that way before.

我从没听过如此使用“谈判”这词。

I, too, had absorbed this message that it was a contest of wills.

我也理解了它是指意志的对抗。

You know, like five minutes earlier when I dunked us in the river.

五分钟前我才把我们扔进了水里。

But there's another way to think about it, isn't there?

但是还有另一个视角，对吗？

When I negotiate my kayak toward a beach,

当我把皮划艇“引导”向海滩，

what am I doing?

我在做什么？

I'm steering.

我在操纵方向。

Today, I want to share five lessons about negotiation

今天，我想分享 五条关于谈判的经验教训，

that just might change your life.

它们可能会改变你的生活。

And the first is this:

第一条：

negotiation is simply steering.

谈判就是操纵。

It is any conversation in which you are steering a relationship.

是你引导一段关系的任何对话。

And it's so much more than the money conversations.

而且远不止是金钱对话。

You know, just like a kayak,

就像皮划艇一样，

where we want to steer consistently to get to our goal.

我们得持续把控方向才能抵达目的地。

We can be steering our relationships

我们也无时无刻不在引导我们的关系。

almost every minute of the day.

You know, when I got back from that honeymoon,

当我度完蜜月回来时，

I looked around and I saw opportunities to negotiate everywhere.

我环顾四周， 发现到处都有谈判的机会。

I could be getting to know my bosses better

我可以更好地了解我的老板，

so that I understood what they prioritized most.

这样我就能明白 他们最优先考虑的是什么。

I could be calling my clients regularly

我可以定期给我的客户打电话，

and asking them what was new in their businesses.

询问他们的业务有什么新进展。

And I realized something powerful.

然后我意识到了一些强大的东西。

If we intentionally focus on the everyday steering,

如果我们有意关注日常的操纵，

what happens when we do get to the money conversations?

那我们真的涉及金钱对话时， 会发生什么？

We're more likely to be successful.

我们更有可能会成功。

Which brings me to lesson two.

这就说到了第二条经验。

Curious people make more money.

好奇的人会赚更多的钱。

There's one negotiation technique that most of us are not using.

大多数人都没有使用一种谈判技巧。

So years ago, a professor set people up to negotiate as part of a study.

几年前，一位教授安排人们进行谈判, 作为研究的一部分。

Only seven percent of those people achieved the optimal outcome.

只有 7％ 的人达成了最佳结果。

What did they do?

他们做了什么？

Well, they didn't lead with their points.

他们没有以分数为先。

They asked questions first.

他们先问了问题。

Bottom line, in negotiation,

最重要的是，在谈判中，

you get more by asking questions than you do by arguing.

提问所得大于争论所得。

But not just any questions.

但不是任何问题都可以。

That seven percent?

那百分之七的人问了什么？

They asked open questions.

他们问了开放式问题，

Questions that uncovered the other person's needs,

能够揭示他人需求、

concerns, and goals,

顾虑和目标，

And most of us aren't great at that.

而我们大多数人都不擅长这点。

When I teach people about asking questions, I say, OK,

当我教人们如何提问时， 我会说，好吧，

I've just taken a trip.

我刚刚旅行回来。

What can you ask me to get some good information?

你会问我什么问题来获取一些优质信息？

Top two questions they ask?

他们问的最多的两个问题？

I bet you could guess.

我相信你猜得出来。

Number one:

第一：

Where did you go?

你去了哪里？

Reno.

里诺。

Did you have a good time?

你玩得开心吗？

Yeah.

开心。

Two closed questions.

两个封闭式问题。

Two one-word answers.

两个单个单词的答案。

So what’s the best question?

那么最好的问题是什么？

Well, it's a little bit of a trick, because technically,

有点小技巧，因为严格来说，

the best question of all doesn't end with a question mark.

最好的问题不会以问号结尾，

It's: "Tell me all about your vacation."

问题是：“把你的假期都告诉我。”

"Tell me" is the biggest question you can ask,

“告诉我”是你能问的最大问题，

and it is the most powerful first question in any negotiation:

也是任何谈判中 最有力的第一个问题：

at work or at home.

无论是在工作中还是在家里。

With the hiring manager:

对招聘经理这么说：

"Tell me how the company sees the salary range for this position."

“告诉我公司如何看待 这个职位的薪资范围。”

With your teenager:

对你的孩子这么说：

"Tell me what's making you ask for a 50-dollar-a-week allowance?"

“告诉我你为什么 每周要 50 美元零花钱。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

"Tell me" gets you the most information,

“告诉我”能为你获得最多的信息，

but it also builds trust, so it creates the best deals.

也能建立信任，从而创造最佳交易。

Lesson three:

第三条经验：

the negotiation starts before the negotiation starts.

谈判始于谈判开始之前。

Most people don't know

大多数人不知道

that every negotiation actually comes in two parts.

每一场谈判其实有两部分。

The second part we all know about,

我们都知道的第二部分，

that's where we're sitting down with someone else.

那是我们和别人坐下来谈。

But that first part,

但是第一部分，

that's what I call the mirror.

这就是我所说的“照镜子”。

Because we have to negotiate with ourselves first

因为我们必须先和自己谈判，

before we negotiate with anyone else.

再和别人谈判。

And it's the most critical part of the negotiation, too,

这也是谈判中最关键的部分，

because if we don't get this right,

因为如果这一部分没做对，

the negotiation stops there.

谈判就止步于此。

We don't ask.

我们不问问题，

We get confused about our priorities.

因此搞不清自己的首要事项。

We shut ourselves down before we give anybody else the chance.

我们固步自封，就无法给他人机会。

If you want to master the mirror, try asking yourself,

如果你想掌握“照镜子”， 试着问问自己，

how have I handled something like this successfully before?

以前是怎么成功处理这种事情的？

Did you know that research shows

你知道吗？研究表明

if we think about a time and write it down,

如果我们回想过去并写下

that we achieved great results before we go into negotiate,

以前取得的好结果，然后再去谈判，

we are more likely to negotiate well.

我们更有可能谈判成功。

Why?

为什么？

Because we remind ourselves of who we are at our most powerful,

因为我们提醒了自己最强大时的样子，

and we also gather data on strategies that are likely to work for us.

同时也收集了有用的策略数据。

Lesson four.

第四条经验。

Land the plane.

让飞机着陆。

I worked with a brilliant sales executive who sometimes would lose deals

我曾与一位出色的销售主管共事过， 他有时会做不成生意，

because he talked too much.

因为说得太多。

He'd ask a great question,

他会问很好的问题，

and then he would get scared of the silence

然后因为害怕沉默，

so he would eat it up with his words.

就滔滔不绝地，淹没掉那个好问题。

"What do you need to get this done here today?

“现在要做成这笔交易， 你需要些什么？

Well, I know our price point might be a little bit higher

我知道我们的价格可能会

than that of our competitors,

比竞争对手高一点，

but I think if you go ahead and look at our customer reviews ..."

但如果你去看看客户反馈……”

Want to know the secret to great deals?

想知道做成好的一单的秘诀吗？

Shut up.

闭嘴。

Recent research found

最近的研究表明，

that leaving a period of silence in negotiation

在谈判中保持一段沉默

not only made it more likely

不仅使对方更有可能

that the other person would give you a high-value move,

做出对你极有价值的举动，

but it also came across as collaborative.

而且你还会显得很具协作性。

So how much silence?

那么保持多久沉默？

I just did it.

我刚示范了，

Three and a half seconds.

三秒半。

See?

明白吗？

You were nervous, but we all survived.

你会很紧张，但最终都没事。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

That's what I call landing the plane.

这就是我所说的“让飞机着陆”。

Ask your question,

提出你的问题，

make your proposal,

提出你的提议，

and then zip it.

然后闭上嘴。

And finally, lesson five.

最后，第五条经验。

Make your adversary your partner.

让你的对手成为合作伙伴。

It’s 3am,

现在是凌晨 3 点，

and you have five hours to go

你还有五个小时的时间，

before the entire world is expecting you and several other countries

之后全世界都会 等你和其他几个国家

to announce a peace deal.

宣布一项和平协议。

But right now, you have a problem

但是现在，你遇到了一个问题，

because one of the other country's diplomats has left the building

因为有一个国家的 外交官已经离开大楼，

and is down in the parking lot,

到了停车场，

threatening to drive away because he feels disrespected.

威胁要开车离开， 因为他觉得没有受到尊重。

This was the situation

这是与我共事的 一位外交官面临的情况。

that one of the diplomats I worked with faced.

But a lot of us face things like this in our everyday negotiations.

但是很多人在日常谈判中 都会面临这样的情形。

So much of the popular wisdom talks about our adversary,

太多主流观点都在谈论我们的敌人，

our opponent.

我们的对手。

Well, in most everyday negotiations,

在大多数的日常谈判中，

that adversary at the bargaining table

谈判桌上的对手，

becomes our partner

一旦达成交易就会成为合作伙伴。

once that deal is done.

The boss who holds the keys to your raise,

手握你加薪钥匙的老板，

once you get it, you're working together.

一旦你加薪了，你们就是在合作。

Or that home contractor you're negotiating with over your kitchen.

或者与你商量厨房装修的房屋承包商。

Once you settle on a price,

一旦谈妥了价格，

you're trusting her to build a room you're going to love for years to come.

你就相信她会打造 一个你将喜欢的厨房。

And even when your spouse might feel like an opponent,

即使你感觉你的配偶像是对手，

well, you're still sleeping in the same bed at the end of the day.

你们还是每晚睡在同一张床上。

That diplomat I worked with,

和我共事的那位外交官，

he walked out of the building,

他走出大楼，

down to the parking lot,

走到停车场，

and he approached the man who had left.

走近了走掉的那个人。

He said to him,

他对他说：

"We are on the same side."

“我们是一伙的。”

He listened.

他听了。

Eventually, the two men walked together back into that building,

最终，两个人一起走回了那栋大楼，

and later they announced that peace deal.

之后他们宣布了和平协议。

My negotiation motto is this:

我的谈判座右铭是：

I never request;

我从不要求；

I recruit.

我吸引、招募。

I don't want to talk to someone across the table.

当对方在桌子对面时，我不会与其谈判。

I want to pull them around with questions to my side of the table

我会用问题把他们吸引到桌子这边来，

so that we are now co-conspirators working toward the same goal.

这样我们就成了 朝着同一个目标努力的同谋。

Negotiation is not a battle.

谈判不是一场对抗，

It is simply steering.

而是关于操纵方向。

And if we lead with curiosity about ourselves and about others,

如果我们怀着对自己 和他人的好奇心推动谈判，

we won't just create great deals,

我们不仅会做成好生意，

we'll create great relationships along the way.

还会在此过程中建立良好的关系。

Speaking of which,

说到这里，

you might be wondering

你可能想知道

what happened after the honeymoon.

蜜月之后发生了什么。

Well, I'm glad to report

我很高兴地向大家汇报，

that my husband and I have been happily steering together

我和我先生已经一起 幸福地掌舵了 18 年。

for 18 years.

(Applause)

（掌声）

Just not in a kayak.

只是不在皮划艇上。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Thank you.

谢谢。

(Applause)

（掌声）