How to Ask for More — and Get It | Alex Carter | TED

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: 麗玲 辛

The most important things I know about negotiation

關於協商，最重要的事，

I learned in a kayak

我是從划獨木舟上學來的。

on my honeymoon.

那時我在度蜜月。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Picture this.

想像一下：

I arrive in Hawaii,

我抵達夏威夷，

and I look adoringly at my brand new husband

充滿愛意地看著我的全新老公，

as we get in a two-person kayak together for a river tour.

我們一起遊河，坐一艘兩人獨木舟，

Then things go wrong fast.

接著很快地，就出差錯了。

You see, in a two-person kayak, the passenger in the back,

要知道，在兩人獨木舟上，

坐在後面的人，通常個頭比較大，

usually the larger passenger,

is supposed to drive using their paddles.

這個人負責用漿來駕駛船。

Well, I didn’t like how he was driving.

嗯，我不喜歡他的駕駛方式。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

So I decided to drive my own way.

所以我決定用我自己的方式駕駛。

And exactly at the moment I thought I had taken over --

就在我以為我已經接手的那一刻——

We flipped over.

我們翻船了。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Three separate times.

分別翻了三次。

Apparently we set a record.

顯然我們創了紀錄。

So I get back in the kayak now dripping wet,

我濕淋淋地回到了獨木舟上，

when our guide up ahead turns back and says,

這時，在我們前頭的導遊回過頭，

"OK folks, let's negotiate these things to the left

說：「好，各位，

咱們協商把船划向左，

because you're going to hit that beach up ahead."

因為你們要撞上前面的海灘了。」

Negotiate the kayak.

「協商」划獨木舟。

In that moment,

在那一刻，我發現，

I realized that although I had been teaching negotiation

我已經教協商好幾年了，

for a few years already,

I had missed something important.

我仍然漏掉了重要的事。

And I was not alone.

不只我會這樣。

A lot of us have misconceptions about negotiation.

很多人對協商有著誤解。

We are taught that it's a battle over money,

我們學到的是：協商是在為錢而戰，

that it involves losing,

和輸贏有關，

so we either fear it or we avoid it altogether.

所以，我們要不是很怕協商， 就是會完全避開。

In fact,

事實上，

在座有 54% 的人 上一次談薪水時都沒有協商。

54 percent of us didn't negotiate our last salary.

That's from research, by the way.

順道一提，這數字出自研究。 不是我看穿了各位的靈魂。

I'm not actually seeing into your souls.

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

The fact is that before that guide,

事實是，在那位導遊之前，

I had never heard anyone use the word negotiate that way before.

我從未聽過任何人

那樣使用協商這個詞。

I, too, had absorbed this message that it was a contest of wills.

從以前吸收到的訊息，我也以為 協商是意志力的較量。

You know, like five minutes earlier when I dunked us in the river.

就像五分鐘之前我害我們 都泡在水裡時的那種較量。

But there's another way to think about it, isn't there?

但還可以從另一個 角度來看協商，對吧？

When I negotiate my kayak toward a beach,

當我協商將獨木舟划向海灘時，

what am I doing?

我在做什麼？

I'm steering.

我在掌舵引導方向。

Today, I want to share five lessons about negotiation

今天，

我想分享關於協商的五個教訓，

that just might change your life.

它們可能會改變你的人生。

第一個教訓：

And the first is this:

negotiation is simply steering.

協商就是在掌舵引導方向。

It is any conversation in which you are steering a relationship.

當你在談話中引導一段關係， 那談話就算是協商。

And it's so much more than the money conversations.

且協商遠不只是和錢有關的談話。

You know, just like a kayak,

就像獨木舟，

where we want to steer consistently to get to our goal.

我們想要持續掌舵駕船， 以達到我們的目標。

We can be steering our relationships

我們也有可能時時刻刻 都在帶領引導我們的關係。

almost every minute of the day.

You know, when I got back from that honeymoon,

我從蜜月回來時，

I looked around and I saw opportunities to negotiate everywhere.

環顧四周，發現 到處都是協商的機會。

I could be getting to know my bosses better

我可以進一步了解我的老闆，

so that I understood what they prioritized most.

以便明白他們的優先考量是什麼。

我可以定期打電話給我的客戶，

I could be calling my clients regularly

and asking them what was new in their businesses.

詢問他們的事業有什麼新發展。

And I realized something powerful.

且我了解了一件很強大的事。

If we intentionally focus on the everyday steering,

如果我們刻意專注在 日常的掌舵引導上，

what happens when we do get to the money conversations?

當我們真的要進行 和錢有關的談話時，會如何？

We're more likely to be successful.

我們更有可能成功。

Which brings me to lesson two.

這就要帶到第二個教訓。

Curious people make more money.

好奇的人能賺更多錢。

There's one negotiation technique that most of us are not using.

有一項協商技巧 是大多數人都沒有使用的。

So years ago, a professor set people up to negotiate as part of a study.

多年前，

有位教授在研究中 讓受試者去做協商，

Only seven percent of those people achieved the optimal outcome.

只有 7% 的受試者 達成了最佳結果。

What did they do?

他們做了什麼？

Well, they didn't lead with their points.

他們沒有一開始就講他們的論點，

They asked questions first.

他們先問問題。

Bottom line, in negotiation,

總之，在協商中，

you get more by asking questions than you do by arguing.

比起據理議論，問問題 反而能讓你得到更多。

But not just any questions.

但不是問什麼問題都行。

That seven percent?

那 7% 的人？

They asked open questions.

他們問的是開放式的問題。

Questions that uncovered the other person's needs,

他們的問題是用來發掘對方

concerns, and goals,

有何需求、在意什麼、目標為何。

And most of us aren't great at that.

大部分人都不擅長這麼做。

當我教別人問問題時，我會說，好，

When I teach people about asking questions, I say, OK,

I've just taken a trip.

我剛旅行回來。

What can you ask me to get some good information?

你能問我什麼問題， 來取得一些好資訊？

Top two questions they ask?

最多人問的兩個問題？

I bet you could guess.

我敢說各位可以猜到。

Number one:

第一名：

你去哪旅行？

Where did you go?

Reno.

雷諾。

Did you have a good time?

你玩得開心嗎？

Yeah.

是的。

Two closed questions.

這兩個都是封閉式的問題。

Two one-word answers.

只能得到兩個字的回答。

So what’s the best question?

那最佳的問題是什麼？

Well, it's a little bit of a trick, because technically,

嗯，這要一點小技巧，

因為技術上來說，

the best question of all doesn't end with a question mark.

最佳的問題不是以問號結尾。

It's: "Tell me all about your vacation."

比如：「跟我說說你的假期。」

"Tell me" is the biggest question you can ask,

「跟我說說」是你 所能問出最大的問題，

and it is the most powerful first question in any negotiation:

在任何協商中，它都是 最強大的第一個問題。

at work or at home.

不論是在工作上或在家裡。

With the hiring manager:

面對招聘經理時：

"Tell me how the company sees the salary range for this position."

「跟我說說貴公司如何看待 這個職務的薪水範圍。」

With your teenager:

面對你的青少年孩子時：

"Tell me what's making you ask for a 50-dollar-a-week allowance?"

「跟我說說你為什麼想要 每週五十美金的零用錢。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

"Tell me" gets you the most information,

「跟我說說」能讓你得到最多資訊，

but it also builds trust, so it creates the best deals.

但它也能建立信任，

因而能促成最棒的交易。

Lesson three:

第三個教訓：

the negotiation starts before the negotiation starts.

在協商開始之前， 協商就已經開始了。

Most people don't know

大部分人不知道，

that every negotiation actually comes in two parts.

每場協商都有兩個部分。

The second part we all know about,

第二部分大家都知道，

that's where we're sitting down with someone else.

就是和對方坐下來談的部分。

But that first part,

而第一部分，

that's what I call the mirror.

我把它稱為鏡子。

Because we have to negotiate with ourselves first

因為我們必須先與自己協商，

before we negotiate with anyone else.

然後才能與別人協商。

And it's the most critical part of the negotiation, too,

且它也是協商中最重要的部分，

because if we don't get this right,

因為如果我們沒有把這部分做對，

the negotiation stops there.

協商就會停在那裡。

We don't ask.

我們不發問。

We get confused about our priorities.

我們搞不清我們的優先順序。

We shut ourselves down before we give anybody else the chance.

我們在給別人機會之前 就先把自己封閉起來。

If you want to master the mirror, try asking yourself,

如果你想精通這鏡子，

試試先問自己：

how have I handled something like this successfully before?

我以前是如何成功處理 類似這樣的協商？

Did you know that research shows

各位可知道，研究發現，

if we think about a time and write it down,

如果我們在去協商之前，先回想

that we achieved great results before we go into negotiate,

一個曾經達成理想結果的 時間點，並把它寫下來，

we are more likely to negotiate well.

我們就比較有可能做好協商。

Why?

為什麼？

Because we remind ourselves of who we are at our most powerful,

因為這樣做能提醒我們自己，

在我們最強大的時候 我們是什麼樣的人，

and we also gather data on strategies that are likely to work for us.

且這也是在收集我們 用得上的策略資訊。

Lesson four.

第四個教訓。

Land the plane.

進入重點。

I worked with a brilliant sales executive who sometimes would lose deals

我曾和一位很出色的業務主管合作，

他有時候會因為太多話而搞砸了交易。

because he talked too much.

He'd ask a great question,

他會提出一個很好的問題，

and then he would get scared of the silence

然後，沉默會讓他感到害怕，

so he would eat it up with his words.

所以他會不斷說話來避免沉默。

"What do you need to get this done here today?

「你需要什麼條件 今天才能達成協議？

Well, I know our price point might be a little bit higher

嗯，我知道我們的價格可能 比競爭對手的高一點，

than that of our competitors,

but I think if you go ahead and look at our customer reviews ..."

不過，如果你去看看 我們客人寫的評論……」

Want to know the secret to great deals?

想知道成功交易的秘訣嗎？

Shut up.

閉嘴。

Recent research found

近期的研究發現，

在協商中留下一段沉默的時間

that leaving a period of silence in negotiation

not only made it more likely

不僅更有可能

that the other person would give you a high-value move,

讓對方給你一個高價值的舉動，

but it also came across as collaborative.

也會顯得具有合作的可能。

So how much silence?

那，要沉默多久？

I just did it.

我剛剛示範了。

Three and a half seconds.

三秒半，感受到了嗎？

See?

You were nervous, but we all survived.

各位很緊張，但我們都活下來了。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

That's what I call landing the plane.

這就是我所謂的進入重點。

Ask your question,

提出你的問題，提出你的提案，

make your proposal,

and then zip it.

然後，閉上嘴。

最後，第五個教訓。

And finally, lesson five.

Make your adversary your partner.

讓你的對手成為你的夥伴。

It’s 3am,

時間是早上三點，

再過五個小時，

and you have five hours to go

before the entire world is expecting you and several other countries

全世界期待你

將與幾個國家宣布一項和平協議。

to announce a peace deal.

But right now, you have a problem

但現在，你有個難題，

because one of the other country's diplomats has left the building

因為有一位他國外交官 離開了會議大樓，

到了停車場，

and is down in the parking lot,

threatening to drive away because he feels disrespected.

威脅要開車走人，

因為他覺得不受尊重。

This was the situation

這是我合作過的一位外交官 曾經面臨的狀況。

that one of the diplomats I worked with faced.

But a lot of us face things like this in our everyday negotiations.

但許多人在日常協商中 也會面臨類似的狀況。

So much of the popular wisdom talks about our adversary,

好多流行的智慧之談 都是在講我們的對手，

our opponent.

我們的敵手。

Well, in most everyday negotiations,

嗯，在大部分的日常協商中，

that adversary at the bargaining table

坐在談判桌對面的對手

becomes our partner

在完成交易後就會變成我們的夥伴。

once that deal is done.

The boss who holds the keys to your raise,

如果對方是決定你加薪與否的老闆，

once you get it, you're working together.

你得到加薪之後， 你們就會一起工作。

Or that home contractor you're negotiating with over your kitchen.

或者如果對方是家庭承包商， 你們針對廚房的事在協商，

Once you settle on a price,

一旦你們在價格上取得共識，

you're trusting her to build a room you're going to love for years to come.

你就是相信，在未來的日子裡， 你都會很喜愛她打造的空間。

And even when your spouse might feel like an opponent,

就算你覺得你的配偶像是個敵手，

well, you're still sleeping in the same bed at the end of the day.

到了晚上你們仍然 會睡在同一張床上。

我合作過的那位外交官，

That diplomat I worked with,

he walked out of the building,

他走出大樓，

down to the parking lot,

到了停車場，

and he approached the man who had left.

然後他走向要離開的那個人，

He said to him,

對他說：

"We are on the same side."

「我們是站在同一邊的。」

He listened.

那個人聽進去了。

Eventually, the two men walked together back into that building,

最後，兩個人一起走回那棟大樓，

and later they announced that peace deal.

不久後，他們宣布了和平協議。

My negotiation motto is this:

我的協商座右銘是：

I never request;

我從不要求；

我只招募。

I recruit.

I don't want to talk to someone across the table.

我不想和對方隔著桌子說話。

I want to pull them around with questions to my side of the table

我想用問題，把他們從桌子對面 拉到我這一邊來，

so that we are now co-conspirators working toward the same goal.

讓我們成為共同策劃者， 為相同的目標努力。

Negotiation is not a battle.

協商不是戰鬥。

It is simply steering.

協商只是掌舵引導方向。

And if we lead with curiosity about ourselves and about others,

若我們用對我們自己 及他人的好奇心來主導，

we won't just create great deals,

我們不僅能促成很棒的交易，

we'll create great relationships along the way.

也會在過程中促成很棒的關係。

Speaking of which,

說到這一點，

you might be wondering

各位可能想知道

what happened after the honeymoon.

我們蜜月之後的狀況如何。

Well, I'm glad to report

嗯，我很高興跟大家報告，

that my husband and I have been happily steering together

我先生和我一起快樂地掌舵， 至今已經十八年。

for 18 years.

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Just not in a kayak.

只是不能在獨木舟上。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）