How to come out at work, about anything | The Way We Work, a TED series

Transcriber: TED Translators Admin Reviewer: Ivana Korom

Coming out.

翻译人员: Mia Cheng 校对人员: Grace Man

出柜。

Typically we think of this

通常我们会认为

as being an experience specific to the queer community.

这只出现在同性恋群体中。

But we all have things that we're keeping in our closets.

但其实我们每个人都有 不想“出柜”的事情。

It could be something about our home and family life,

这可以是我们的家庭生活，

about our mental or physical health.

或是有关身体或心理上的健康问题。

Maybe you're not allergic to cats, you just don't like them.

也许你并不对猫过敏， 你只是不喜欢猫。

I feel you on that one.

这一点我很理解你。

Whatever it is that you're keeping in your closet,

无论你不想“出柜”的事情是什么，

it shapes the way you navigate the world.

这都会影响你面对世界的方式。

That can include your work life.

这包括了你的工作生活。

So how do we go about disclosing these important,

所以我们要如何向别人坦白 那些重要的事呢？

but sometimes difficult to talk about aspects of who we are?

但有时候很难去讨论 有关自己不同的那一面。

And when someone comes out to us,

当有人向我们“出柜”一些事情，

what can we best do to listen and support them?

我们要怎么做来倾听和支持他们呢？

[The Way We Work]

[我们工作的方式]

[Made possible with the support of Dropbox]

[感谢 Dropbox 的赞助支持]

Hi, my name's Micah.

大家好，我是迈卡（Micah）。

But it hasn't always been.

事情是这样的。

After a year at my current place of work,

我在现在工作的地方工作一年后，

I started the process of coming out as trans.

我就打算出柜， 告诉大家我是跨性别者。

When I sat down with human resources to talk

当我坐下来和人力资源部门讨论，

about how to reintroduce myself to everybody,

要如何向大家重新介绍自己，

neither of us had answers.

我们都不知道该怎么做。

Nobody at my place of work had come out as trans before,

在我工作的地方，之前没有人出柜 公开自己是跨性别者，

but that's what I'm here to offer you.

这也是为什么我今天在这里。

Three tips on how to talk

我给你 3 个“出柜”的建议，

about things that are hard to talk about.

去谈那些让人难以开口的事情。

And for those of you on the other side of the conversation,

对于谈话中倾听的那些人，

I have some advice for you too, on how you can best listen,

我也有一些建议给你们， 关于如何更好地倾听，

respond and be an active ally for your colleague.

回应以及支持你们的同事。

I can't give you the exact words to say,

我不能告诉你具体要说什么话，

because they should be your own.

因为这应该是你自己想说的话。

After all I don't know what you're keeping in your closet.

毕竟我不知道 你“柜中”的事情是什么。

But whatever it might be,

但无论是什么，

I hope these tips will provide you with a framework

我希望这些建议能给你个大致思路，

that's going to help you decide exactly what you want to say

然后帮助你决定你想说的内容，

and how you want to say it.

以及坦白的方式。

Know what you want and don't want out of the conversation.

想知道自己在谈话中想要什么， 不想要什么，

To know this, ask yourself questions like,

可以问自己这些问题，

do I need anything

我是否需要

from the person that I'm disclosing this to?

从我坦白的那个人那里得到些什么？

Where do I want the conversation to go from here,

如果有的话， 我希望这个谈话发展方向

if anywhere at all?

是怎么样的呢？

And how do I want this person

还有我希望这个人

to understand my own relationship with this aspect of who I am?

如何理解我和另一面的我 之间的关系？

So, in my case, I knew I wanted people to call me

就像我，我希望别人

by my new name and pronouns.

叫我新的名字和人称代词。

But I also didn't want them to avoid me

但我也不希望他们因为

out of fear of messing them up.

害怕叫错我的名字而回避我。

This was going to take time.

这个适应过程需要时间。

And I wanted this to feel like any other ordinary fact

我想让这感觉就像其他

about who I am.

关于自我认知的普通事实一样。

So now we know what we want to communicate.

所以现在我们知道 要坦白什么内容了。

Let's talk about how we're going to say it.

我们再来说说坦白的方式。

By setting the tone.

通过设定谈话基调。

You're going to want to present the information

你想要对方作出怎样的反应，

in the same way you want people to respond to it.

你就要以相同的方式去告诉他们。

They're going to be looking and listening for cues

他们会通过观察和倾听来判断

on what the appropriate response is.

如何作出适当的反应。

Is this something that you want to be celebrated?

这是你想要的被庆祝的事吗？

I'm trans!

我是跨性别者！

Or do you want to just address it and move on with your life?

还是你只是想要解决这个事， 然后继续你的生活？

Oh, by the way, I'm trans.

顺便说一下，我是跨性别者。

There's no one right way to say it for everybody.

这里没有一种适用于 所有人的正确方式。

What's most important here is what's right for you.

重要的是，哪种方式是最适合你的。

Another note,

另外，

we're not going to be able to control the way

我们没有办法掌控

in which everybody responds to this.

所有人的反应。

But what we do have control over

但我们能控制的是

is how they understand our own relationship

他们怎么理解我们

with this part of who we are.

与自我认知之间的关系。

So now that we know what we want to say

所以现在我们知道了我们想说什么，

and how we want to say it,

以及怎么说，

where do we want the conversation to go from here?

还有我们希望对话往哪个方向发展。

Well, my advice is to give an action item.

我的建议就是成为主动的一方。

This will help you keep control of the conversation

告诉别人他们接下来

by giving people direction

应该做什么或说什么，

on what they're supposed to do or say next.

可以帮助你掌控整个谈话。

I knew I wanted this to feel like any other ordinary fact about who I am.

我知道我想让这感觉就像 其他关于自我认知的普通事实一样。

So I decided I was going to use my coming out

所以我想让这次“出柜”

to solve an ordinary problem.

来解决一个普通问题。

And I sent the following email.

我发了以下这封电子邮件。

"Hello all, I need your help.

大家好，我需要你们的帮助。

I am in the market for a moisturizer to help with my dry skin.

我想要买一个润肤霜 来改善我干燥的皮肤。

I'm also in the process of out as trans.

我也处在作为 一名跨性别者的出柜过程中。

I'm changing my name to Micah

我的名字改为了迈卡，

and my pronouns are he, him, his.

我的人称代词是他，他的。

If you have any questions about my change in pronouns

如果你对我的人称代词的改变

or my skin care needs,

或者护肤需求有疑问，

feel free to send an email

请随时

to my updated contact information.

给我现在的联系邮箱发邮件。

And I'd also like to note that while my skin is dry,

还要补充的是， 我的皮肤很干燥的同时

it is not too sensitive.

也没有过于敏感。

We're all going to mess up my name and my pronouns,

之后大家可能会搞错 我的名字或人称代词，

myself included.

我也一样会。

So when this happens, don't panic or cringe!

如果发生了，不要焦虑或尴尬！

Please be kind to yourself

我们在一起经历这些烦恼，

as we stumble through these growing pains together.

不需要苛求自己。

I'm fortunate and grateful to work in a place

在这里工作，我觉得很幸运和感激，

where I feel embraced in any form,

无论我是个跨性别的男性 还是干皮肤的人，

be it as a transgender man or a person with dry skin

或者两者都是，

or in this case, both."

我都能被大家包容和接纳。

Now, I'm going to be honest,

现在，我想和大家坦诚相待，

I haven't made many changes to my skin-care routine

发了这份邮件之后，

since sending this email.

我的护肤步骤没有任何变化。

但是我想说的是，

But I will say that I am feeling much more comfortable

in my own skin.

做自己后，我真的感觉更舒服了。

And that's what thanks to responses like these.

当然还要感谢以下这样的回应。

[You have all the love and support, Micah!

[我给你所有的爱和支持，迈卡！

And please know that I highly rec Clinique products.]

还有我强烈推荐倩碧的产品。]

[You are the best.

[你是最棒的。

You are and will always be one of my favorite people (at work).

虽然你有很干的皮肤， 你一直是我在工作中

Even if you do have terribly dry skin.]

最喜欢的人之一，未来也是。]

[Thank you for being you,

[感谢你真实地做自己，

however much or little you want to talk about dry skin, genders, bodies, etc.

无论你想讨论的是 干皮肤、性别、身材还是其他，

I will be here for you.]

我会一直支持你。]

[Thank you for giving us permission to mess up ...]

[感谢你不介意我们 会搞错你的名字……]

Now you might be wondering,

现在你可能会好奇，

if I'm the listener in this conversation,

如果我是这场谈话中的倾听者，

what can I best do to support my colleague

除了给他们介绍我的皮肤科医生，

other than maybe referring them to my dermatologist?

我能做什么来支持我的同事？

Well, for starters, listen

对于没有经验的人来说， 就是倾听，

with an open heart and an empathetic ear.

敞开心扉，用心倾听。

You're especially going to want to listen here

你要特别注意听，

for the specific language the person is using

这个人用的特定的

to describe themself and their experience

来描述他们自己 和他们经历的语言。

because that's the same language

因为你要用相同的语言

you're going to want to use back to them.

来回应他们。

You might be tempted to ask your coworkers some questions

你可能会想问你同事一些

about their identity.

关于他们自我身份认知的问题。

Before you ask them a question,

在你问他们问题之前，

ask yourself,

先问自己，

can I find the answer to this in a search engine?

我能在搜索引擎上找到答案吗？

Chances are the answer is yes.

大多数情况都是可以的。

And if the answer is no, ask yourself,

如果不可以，再问自己，

is this too personal of a question

这个问题，

for me to be asking my colleague.

对于我的同事来说是不是太私人了。

One question that is okay to ask though,

有一个问题是不用顾虑， 可以直接问的，

is there anything I can do to support you at this time?

有什么我能做来支持你的吗？

This is a note for if you're responding in the moment and in person.

如果你要当场回应， 这是我给你的建议。

But if you want to be an active ally,

但如果你想成为一个积极的支持者，

the conversation doesn't end here,

那这场谈话并不是结束，

it picks up again with your colleagues and human resources

你可以再次和你的同事 以及人力资源部门，

on how you can make your workplace more inclusive

一起讨论如何让职场 对于这个人的自我身份认知问题，

of this person's identity.

变得更包容。

很有可能这不仅会帮助到这一个人，

Chances are it's not just going to help them

but maybe someone else down the line.

还会帮助到其他后续的人。

Now, in my case,

在我的例子中，

it would be adding pronouns to your email signature

我的邮件签名会加入我的人称代词，

and asking your coworkers to do the same

其他同事也会被要求这样做，

in order to help normalize it across the org.

将这件事在整个公司规范化。

It could also be talking to HR

人力资源部也会讨论

about having more trans-inclusive health care policies.

增加更多有关包容跨性别者 的医疗保健政策。

And my last piece of advice is for both the listener

我最后的一个建议是同时 给谈话的倾听者和发起者的。

and the leader in the conversation.

Remember that they're the same person

记住，对方一直 是你所知道的那个人。

you've always known them to be.

It's the weight of stereotypes and stigmas

正是因为刻板印象 和怕被污名的压力，

that often keep our closet doors shut.

让大家一直不愿“出柜”。

We're afraid people are now going to see us as this thing

我们担心别人对我们的看法 只固定在这件事情上，

instead of seeing this thing as an aspect of who we are,

而不是只把这件事

当成一直以来被大家熟知 的我们的一面。

of we've always been.

I know that was the case for me too,

我之前也是这样，

but it got easier for me to say, my name is Micah

但现在我能很容易就说， 我叫迈卡。

because of the way I saw it not only accepted,

因为在我看来， 这件事不仅仅被我的同事接受了，

but enthusiastically embraced by all of my coworkers.

而且还得到了他们热情的支持。

So whatever it is you're keeping in your closet,

所以无论在你“柜中” 的事情是什么，

我希望这些建议能帮助你

I hope these tips empower you

to bring your authentic self into your workplace

在职场展现真实的自我，

and hopefully feel more comfortable in your own skin.

也希望当你做真实的自己时 会感到更舒服。