How to come out at work, about anything | The Way We Work, a TED series

151,928 views

2020-11-30・ TED

How to come out at work, about anything | The Way We Work, a TED series

151,928 views・2020-11-30

TED


Please double-click on the English subtitles below to play the video.

00:00
Transcriber: TED Translators Admin Reviewer: Ivana Korom
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00:00
Coming out.
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Translator: TED Translators Admin Reviewer: Arvind Patil
Bahar aane Ham ise kataar samudaay ke lie vishist
00:01
Typically we think of this
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00:02
as being an experience specific to the queer community.
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anubhav ke roop mein sochate hain
00:04
But we all have things that we're keeping in our closets.
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Lekin sabhee ke paas ek cheej hai
jinhen ham almaree mein rakhthe hain
00:07
It could be something about our home and family life,
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Hamaare paarivaar me baare
maan aur shaareerik ke baare
00:10
about our mental or physical health.
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00:11
Maybe you're not allergic to cats, you just don't like them.
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Shaayad billee se elarjee nahin hai.
aap unhen pasand nahin harate
00:14
I feel you on that one.
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00:15
Whatever it is that you're keeping in your closet,
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mai samajhta hun
Jo kuchh bhee hai mann mein.
00:18
it shapes the way you navigate the world.
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yeh duniya ko dekhane ke tareeke ko deta hai
00:20
That can include your work life.
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Yeh aapka kaam jeevan shamil ho saketa hai
00:21
So how do we go about disclosing these important,
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Hum in baaton ka khulaasa kaise karate hain?
00:24
but sometimes difficult to talk about aspects of who we are?
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00:27
And when someone comes out to us,
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Jo log hamaare paas aate hain. .kaise sunate hain?
00:29
what can we best do to listen and support them?
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[Jis Tarah Se Ham Kaam Karate Hain]
00:31
[The Way We Work]
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00:34
[Made possible with the support of Dropbox]
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[Dropbox ke Amarthan se Sambhav hua]
Namaste, mera naam Micah hai
00:36
Hi, my name's Micah.
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00:37
But it hasn't always been.
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lekin yeh hamesha nahin hai
00:38
After a year at my current place of work,
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Mere kaam kee jagah mein ek saal
00:40
I started the process of coming out as trans.
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Mainne bahaar aane kee prakriya shuroo kee
00:42
When I sat down with human resources to talk
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Jab mainne maanav sansaadhan ke saath baat kee
00:45
about how to reintroduce myself to everybody,
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ki kaise ko apana parichay kaise den
00:47
neither of us had answers.
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hamaare paas uttar nahin the
00:49
Nobody at my place of work had come out as trans before,
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Kaam par koee bhee traans ke roop mein nahin aaya tha
00:52
but that's what I'm here to offer you.
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lekin yahee kaaran hai ki main yahaan hoon
00:54
Three tips on how to talk
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Mushkil cheejon ke baare men baat karane
00:55
about things that are hard to talk about.
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ke teen tips
00:58
And for those of you on the other side of the conversation,
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Aur vo jo baatacheet ke doosare paksh me hain
01:00
I have some advice for you too, on how you can best listen,
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mere paas bhee kuchh salaah hai
apane sahakarmee ko kaise sunen aur smaarthan karen
01:03
respond and be an active ally for your colleague.
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Main aapako bilkul nahin bata sakata ki kya kahana hai
01:06
I can't give you the exact words to say,
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01:08
because they should be your own.
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kyonki vo tumhaare hone chaahie
01:10
After all I don't know what you're keeping in your closet.
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Kyonki main nahin jaanata ki aap kya paristhi mein hai
01:12
But whatever it might be,
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Lekin jo bhee ho
01:14
I hope these tips will provide you with a framework
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mujhe aasha hai ki ye sujhaav
aapako vahee bahato mein madad karenge jo
01:16
that's going to help you decide exactly what you want to say
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kahana chaahate hain
01:19
and how you want to say it.
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01:20
Know what you want and don't want out of the conversation.
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Aapako pata hona chaahie ki aap kya chaahate hain
01:23
To know this, ask yourself questions like,
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Apane aap se poochho
01:25
do I need anything
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kya mujhe vyati se kuchh chaahie
01:26
from the person that I'm disclosing this to?
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jo main is baare mein baat kar raaha hoon?
01:28
Where do I want the conversation to go from here,
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Main kahaan jaana chaahata hoon,
01:31
if anywhere at all?
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agar kaheen bhee?
01:32
And how do I want this person
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Main kaise chaahate hoon ki ve mere saath apane
01:33
to understand my own relationship with this aspect of who I am?
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rishte ko samajhen?
01:36
So, in my case, I knew I wanted people to call me
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Mere maamale mein, main chaahata tha
ki log mujhe mere nae naam aur sarvanaam se lulaen
01:39
by my new name and pronouns.
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Lekin, main nahin chaahata tha
01:41
But I also didn't want them to avoid me
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ki gadabad karane ke dar se mujhase bachen
01:43
out of fear of messing them up.
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01:45
This was going to take time.
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Yeh samay lene vaala tha
01:46
And I wanted this to feel like any other ordinary fact
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Main chaahata tha ki yeh mere baare mein ek aur
01:49
about who I am.
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chees mahasoos kare
01:50
So now we know what we want to communicate.
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To ab ham jaanate hain ki ham kya chaahate hain
01:52
Let's talk about how we're going to say it.
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To ham ise kaise kahate hain?
01:54
By setting the tone.
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Svar set karake
01:56
You're going to want to present the information
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Aapako usee tarah see batanee hain jis tarah
01:58
in the same way you want people to respond to it.
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se aap javaab dena chaahate hain
02:00
They're going to be looking and listening for cues
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Vo suraag ke lie dekhenge aur sunenge
uchit pratikriya ke lie
02:03
on what the appropriate response is.
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02:04
Is this something that you want to be celebrated?
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Kya aap chaahate hain ke ise manaaya jae?
02:07
I'm trans!
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Main traans hoon!
02:08
Or do you want to just address it and move on with your life?
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Ya kya aap ise kahana chaahate hain aur aage badhana hain
02:11
Oh, by the way, I'm trans.
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Vaise main traans hoon..
02:12
There's no one right way to say it for everybody.
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Ek sahee tareeka nahin hai
02:15
What's most important here is what's right for you.
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Jo sabase mahatvapoorn hai jo appake lie sahee hai
Ek aur baat
02:18
Another note,
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Ham yeh niyantrit nahin
02:19
we're not going to be able to control the way
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karte hain kaise pratikriya deta hai
02:21
in which everybody responds to this.
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lekin ham niyantrit karte hain ki vo
02:23
But what we do have control over
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02:24
is how they understand our own relationship
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hamaare saath hamaare rishte ko
02:26
with this part of who we are.
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kaise samjhate hain
02:28
So now that we know what we want to say
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ham jaanate hain ki hamen kya kahana hai
02:30
and how we want to say it,
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aur kaise kahana chaahate hain
02:31
where do we want the conversation to go from here?
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Ham aage kahaan jaana chaahate hain?
02:33
Well, my advice is to give an action item.
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Ek ekshan aaitam do
02:35
This will help you keep control of the conversation
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Aap logon ko yah kahakar sakate hain ki vo
02:38
by giving people direction
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kya kahana aur
02:39
on what they're supposed to do or say next.
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karane vaale hain
02:42
I knew I wanted this to feel like any other ordinary fact about who I am.
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Yeh mere baare mein ek sadhaaran tathy hai
Isalie mainne ek smamaany samasyako hal karane
02:46
So I decided I was going to use my coming out
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02:48
to solve an ordinary problem.
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ke lie apane aane ka istemaal kiya
02:50
And I sent the following email.
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Mainne nimnalikhit eemel bhejha
02:52
"Hello all, I need your help.
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“Namaskaar, mujhe aapkee madade chaahie”
02:54
I am in the market for a moisturizer to help with my dry skin.
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Mujhe apanee shushk tvacha ke lie ek loshan zaroorat hai
02:57
I'm also in the process of out as trans.
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Main traans ke roop mein bhee baahar aa rihi hoon
03:00
I'm changing my name to Micah
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Mera naya naam Micah hai
03:01
and my pronouns are he, him, his.
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Mere sarvanaam hain vah, use, unake
Yadi aapake paas mere parivartan ya tvacha ke
03:04
If you have any questions about my change in pronouns
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03:06
or my skin care needs,
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baare mein prashn hain
03:08
feel free to send an email
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meree naee jaanakaaree
03:09
to my updated contact information.
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ke ek eemel bhejdo
Meree tvacha bhee shushk hai, lekin
03:12
And I'd also like to note that while my skin is dry,
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03:14
it is not too sensitive.
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sanvedanasheel nahin hai
03:16
We're all going to mess up my name and my pronouns,
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Ham sab gadabad karenge
03:18
myself included.
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khud bhee
03:19
So when this happens, don't panic or cringe!
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Isalie jab aise hota hain, daren nain!
03:22
Please be kind to yourself
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Apane aap par daya karen
kyonki ham ise ek saath jodate hain
03:24
as we stumble through these growing pains together.
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03:26
I'm fortunate and grateful to work in a place
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Main aisee jagah kaam karane ke lie aabhaaree hoon
jahaan main kisee bhe roopr mein ashaj mahasoos hoon
03:29
where I feel embraced in any form,
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03:31
be it as a transgender man or a person with dry skin
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ek trans adhmi ya sokhee tvacha ke roop men
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or in this case, both."
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is maamale mein donon"
Eemaanadaar rahana,
03:37
Now, I'm going to be honest,
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mainne apanee tvacha kee dinacharya ko nain badala
03:39
I haven't made many changes to my skin-care routine
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03:41
since sending this email.
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eemel bhejane ke baad se
Lekin main apanee tvacha mein adhik
03:43
But I will say that I am feeling much more comfortable
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03:45
in my own skin.
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sahaj hoon
03:46
And that's what thanks to responses like these.
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in jaisee pratikriyaon ke kaaran
03:49
[You have all the love and support, Micah!
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[Aaphee ke paas sabhee ka pyaar hain, Micah!
03:51
And please know that I highly rec Clinique products.]
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Aur main atyadhik Clinique kee salaah deti hoon]
03:54
[You are the best.
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Tum kamaal ke admi ho. mere pasand ke ho
03:55
You are and will always be one of my favorite people (at work).
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vyakti honge (kaam par).
aapakee sokhee tvacha ke saath bhee]
03:58
Even if you do have terribly dry skin.]
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[Khud hone ke lie dhanyavaad,
04:00
[Thank you for being you,
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main aapake lie yahaan rahoonga chaahe aap
04:01
however much or little you want to talk about dry skin, genders, bodies, etc.
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kitnee bhee bahaat karne chaahate hon.]
04:05
I will be here for you.]
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[Dhanyavaad, hamen gadabad karane ke lie anumati...]
04:06
[Thank you for giving us permission to mess up ...]
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04:09
Now you might be wondering,
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Aap soch rahe honge
Agar main sun raha hoon
04:11
if I'm the listener in this conversation,
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main apane dost ka samarthan karana ke lie
04:13
what can I best do to support my colleague
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kya kar sakata hoon?
04:15
other than maybe referring them to my dermatologist?
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04:17
Well, for starters, listen
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Shuruaat ke life, suno
04:19
with an open heart and an empathetic ear.
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Meherabeen dil aur kaan ke saath
04:21
You're especially going to want to listen here
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Vishisht bhaasha ke lie suno
04:24
for the specific language the person is using
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jo vo unhee aapko upayog
04:26
to describe themself and their experience
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kar raha hai
Vohee bhaasha hai jo aapako unake saath
04:28
because that's the same language
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04:29
you're going to want to use back to them.
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prayog karanee chaahie
Aapko unakee pahachaan ke baare mein savel
04:31
You might be tempted to ask your coworkers some questions
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poochhane ke laalach ho skata hai
04:34
about their identity.
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Ise pahale ki aap poochhen,
04:35
Before you ask them a question,
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aapane aap se poochho
04:37
ask yourself,
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Kya mujhe internet par javab mil skata jai
04:38
can I find the answer to this in a search engine?
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Haan shaayad
04:40
Chances are the answer is yes.
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04:42
And if the answer is no, ask yourself,
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Yadi nahee,
Apane aap se poochhen ki kya yah poochhana
04:44
is this too personal of a question
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04:45
for me to be asking my colleague.
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vkaktigat hai?
Aap poochh sakate hain,
04:47
One question that is okay to ask though,
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Kya aise juchh hai jo main kar sakoon madade ke lie?
04:49
is there anything I can do to support you at this time?
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04:51
This is a note for if you're responding in the moment and in person.
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Yeh hai yadi aap vyakti men javaab de rahe hain
04:55
But if you want to be an active ally,
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Lekin, agar aap ek sakriy dost banne hain
04:56
the conversation doesn't end here,
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to sahamati sampaat nahin hotee hain
04:58
it picks up again with your colleagues and human resources
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Yah sahayogiyon aur maanav sansaadhanon ke paas jahate hain
05:01
on how you can make your workplace more inclusive
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kaaryasthal ko adhik samaaveshee
05:04
of this person's identity.
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banaane ke baare mein
Yeh sirph unakee madad nahin karega
05:06
Chances are it's not just going to help them
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05:08
but maybe someone else down the line.
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lekin shaayad koee aur bhee
05:09
Now, in my case,
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Mere maamale mein,
Svayan aur any logon ne mere eemel hastaakshar
05:11
it would be adding pronouns to your email signature
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05:13
and asking your coworkers to do the same
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mein sarvanaam jode
05:15
in order to help normalize it across the org.
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saamaany karne ke lie
Aap HR se baat kar sakate hain
05:17
It could also be talking to HR
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05:19
about having more trans-inclusive health care policies.
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Adhik samaaveshee svaasthy neetiyon je baare men
Meree aakhiree salaah shrota
05:22
And my last piece of advice is for both the listener
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05:24
and the leader in the conversation.
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aur neta donon ke lie hai
05:26
Remember that they're the same person
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Yaad rakhen ki ve vahee vyakti hain
05:28
you've always known them to be.
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jinhen aap hamesha se jaanate hain
05:30
It's the weight of stereotypes and stigmas
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Yeh kalank hai jo hamaare
05:32
that often keep our closet doors shut.
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jarvaaje band rakhate hain
05:34
We're afraid people are now going to see us as this thing
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Ham darate hain ki log hamen is cheez ke
05:37
instead of seeing this thing as an aspect of who we are,
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bajaay deken ki ham
vastaav mein kaun hain
05:41
of we've always been.
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05:42
I know that was the case for me too,
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Mujhe pata hai ki mere saath yeh hua tha
05:44
but it got easier for me to say, my name is Micah
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Lekin mere lie mera naam kahana aasaan ho gaya
05:47
because of the way I saw it not only accepted,
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Jis tarah se mainne ise dekha aur mere sabhee
05:49
but enthusiastically embraced by all of my coworkers.
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sahakarmiyon dvaara sveekaar kiya gaya tha
05:53
So whatever it is you're keeping in your closet,
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To jo kuchh bhee tum apanee kotharee mein rakh rahe ho
mujhe ummeed hai ki ye tups aapakio sashaket karenge
05:56
I hope these tips empower you
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05:57
to bring your authentic self into your workplace
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Aur aape apanee tvacha mein
06:00
and hopefully feel more comfortable in your own skin.
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adhik aaraamaadayak mahsoos kare
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