How to come out at work, about anything | The Way We Work, a TED series

Transcriber: TED Translators Admin Reviewer: Ivana Korom

Coming out.

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Helen Chang

出櫃。

Typically we think of this

通常我們認為出櫃 是酷兒族群特有的經驗。

as being an experience specific to the queer community.

But we all have things that we're keeping in our closets.

但我們的衣櫃裡都放了某些東西。

It could be something about our home and family life,

可能和我們的家及家庭生活， 和我們的身心健康有關。

about our mental or physical health.

Maybe you're not allergic to cats, you just don't like them.

也許你不會對貓過敏， 你只是不喜歡貓。這我能懂。

I feel you on that one.

Whatever it is that you're keeping in your closet,

不論你在衣櫃裡放了什麼，

它都會影響你過生活的方式。

it shapes the way you navigate the world.

包括你的工作生活。

That can include your work life.

So how do we go about disclosing these important,

針對我們自己的這些重要 卻有時難以啟齒的面向，

but sometimes difficult to talk about aspects of who we are?

我們要如何對外揭示出來？

And when someone comes out to us,

當有人對我們出櫃時， 怎樣才是最好的傾聽和支持方式？

what can we best do to listen and support them?

[The Way We Work]

〔我們工作的方式〕

〔Dropbox 協助實現〕

[Made possible with the support of Dropbox]

嗨，我是麥卡。 但我並非一直是麥卡。

Hi, my name's Micah.

But it hasn't always been.

After a year at my current place of work,

在我目前工作的地方待了一年後， 我開始了變性人的出櫃過程。

I started the process of coming out as trans.

When I sat down with human resources to talk

當我和人資主管坐下來談

about how to reintroduce myself to everybody,

如何重新向大家介紹我時，

neither of us had answers.

我們兩人都沒有答案。

Nobody at my place of work had come out as trans before,

在我工作的地方， 從未有變性人出櫃過，

but that's what I'm here to offer you.

但，我在此就是要提供這些資訊。

Three tips on how to talk

三個密訣，教你如何 談論很難談論的話題。

about things that are hard to talk about.

And for those of you on the other side of the conversation,

至於在談話另一端的人，

I have some advice for you too, on how you can best listen,

我也有建議給你們， 說明怎麼傾聽、回應，

respond and be an active ally for your colleague.

成為同事主動、最好的盟友。

I can't give you the exact words to say,

我無法明確告訴你該怎麼說，

because they should be your own.

因為你應該用自己的話來說。

After all I don't know what you're keeping in your closet.

畢竟，我不知道你的衣櫃裡有什麼。

But whatever it might be,

但，不論是什麼，

I hope these tips will provide you with a framework

我希望這些密訣能提供你一個架構，

that's going to help you decide exactly what you want to say

協助你決定你想要說些什麼，

以及怎麼去說。

and how you want to say it.

Know what you want and don't want out of the conversation.

要知道你希望透過談話 得到什麼、不要什麼。

To know this, ask yourself questions like,

要知道答案，問自己這類問題：

do I need anything

我對這位即將聽到 我秘密的人有所求嗎？

from the person that I'm disclosing this to?

Where do I want the conversation to go from here,

如果話談發生了， 我希望後續的發展如何？

if anywhere at all?

我希望這個人如何看待

And how do I want this person

to understand my own relationship with this aspect of who I am?

我和我的這個面向之間的關係？

So, in my case, I knew I wanted people to call me

就我而言，我希望大家

用新的名字和性別代名詞來稱呼我。

by my new name and pronouns.

But I also didn't want them to avoid me

但我也不希望 他們因為怕搞混這些而避開我。

out of fear of messing them up.

這要花時間。

This was going to take time.

And I wanted this to feel like any other ordinary fact

我希望我身分的這個面向能感覺 和我的其他事實一樣平凡。

about who I am.

So now we know what we want to communicate.

現在我們知道我們想要溝通。

Let's talk about how we're going to say it.

來談談要怎麼透過 「定調」來說這件事。

By setting the tone.

你希望別人怎麼回應你呈現的資訊， 你就要怎麼呈現那些資訊。

You're going to want to present the information

in the same way you want people to respond to it.

They're going to be looking and listening for cues

他們會尋找和聆聽線索，

來判斷怎樣的回應才妥當。

on what the appropriate response is.

Is this something that you want to be celebrated?

這是你想慶祝的事嗎？

我是變性人！

I'm trans!

Or do you want to just address it and move on with your life?

或你只是想說明， 然後就繼續過日子？

Oh, by the way, I'm trans.

喔，順道一提，我是變性人。

There's no one right way to say it for everybody.

沒有適用於所有人的好方法。

What's most important here is what's right for you.

這裡，最重要的是， 對你而言的好方法是什麼。

Another note,

還要注意一點：我們無法控制

we're not going to be able to control the way

每個人對這件事的反應。

in which everybody responds to this.

但，我們能控制的，

But what we do have control over

is how they understand our own relationship

是他們如何了解我們 和自己這個部分之間的關係。

with this part of who we are.

So now that we know what we want to say

現在我們已經知道了我們 想要說什麼以及怎麼說了，

and how we want to say it,

where do we want the conversation to go from here?

我們希望談話後續如何發展？

Well, my advice is to give an action item.

我的建議是，要有執行項目。

This will help you keep control of the conversation

這能協助你控制談話， 因為你能給大家方向，

by giving people direction

on what they're supposed to do or say next.

讓他們知道接下來應該做／說什麼。

I knew I wanted this to feel like any other ordinary fact about who I am.

我知道我希望這資訊 感覺就像是我的一般事實。

So I decided I was going to use my coming out

所以我決定，我要用我的出櫃

to solve an ordinary problem.

來解決一個平凡的問題。

And I sent the following email.

我發了一封電子郵件，寫著：

"Hello all, I need your help.

「大家好，我需要你們的協助。

I am in the market for a moisturizer to help with my dry skin.

我在市場，想為我的 乾燥皮膚買潤膚產品。

I'm also in the process of out as trans.

我也正在變性人出櫃的過程當中。

I'm changing my name to Micah

我要改名麥卡，

and my pronouns are he, him, his.

我的性別代名詞要用「他」。

If you have any questions about my change in pronouns

如果對於我改變了代名詞 或我的皮膚照護需求有任何疑問，

or my skin care needs,

feel free to send an email

歡迎隨時來信

to my updated contact information.

到我最新的聯絡資訊。

And I'd also like to note that while my skin is dry,

我還想補充，雖然我的皮膚很乾燥，

it is not too sensitive.

並沒有很敏感。

We're all going to mess up my name and my pronouns,

我們，包括我自己， 都會搞混我的名字和代名詞。

myself included.

So when this happens, don't panic or cringe!

如果真的發生了，別慌張或退縮！

Please be kind to yourself

在我們一起跌跌撞撞走過 這些越來越強烈的痛苦時，

as we stumble through these growing pains together.

對自己仁慈一點吧。

I'm fortunate and grateful to work in a place

能在這樣的地方工作， 我很幸運也很感恩，

where I feel embraced in any form,

我都覺得被擁抱，不論我的形式

be it as a transgender man or a person with dry skin

是變性男人或者乾皮膚的人，

or in this case, both."

或，我的情況是，兩者皆是。」

Now, I'm going to be honest,

老實說，

I haven't made many changes to my skin-care routine

發出這封信後，我都沒有 改變日常皮膚照護的方式。

since sending this email.

但我會說，披著我自己的皮膚， 我也感覺更舒服許多了。

But I will say that I am feeling much more comfortable

in my own skin.

And that's what thanks to responses like these.

原因是我得到些像這樣的回應：

[You have all the love and support, Micah!

〔麥卡，絕對愛你也支持你！

And please know that I highly rec Clinique products.]

順便讓你知道， 我很推薦倩碧的產品。〕

[You are the best.

〔你是最棒的。

You are and will always be one of my favorite people (at work).

你是／一直會是我（工作上） 最喜歡的人之一。

Even if you do have terribly dry skin.]

即使你的皮膚非常乾燥。〕

[Thank you for being you,

〔謝謝你做你自己，

however much or little you want to talk about dry skin, genders, bodies, etc.

不論你有多想／不想談論 乾皮膚、性別、身體等等，

I will be here for you.]

隨時都可以找我。〕

[Thank you for giving us permission to mess up ...]

〔謝謝你允許我們搞混……〕

Now you might be wondering,

你現在可能在納悶， 若我是這段談話的聆聽者，

if I'm the listener in this conversation,

我怎樣支持我的同事會 是最好的？除了……

what can I best do to support my colleague

other than maybe referring them to my dermatologist?

介紹同事去看我的皮膚科醫生？

Well, for starters, listen

首先，帶著開放的心

with an open heart and an empathetic ear.

和同理的耳朵去傾聽。

You're especially going to want to listen here

此時你應該特別注意聽

這個人用了哪些字詞

for the specific language the person is using

來形容他自己以及他的經歷，

to describe themself and their experience

因為之後你可以用 這些字詞與他交談。

because that's the same language

you're going to want to use back to them.

你可能會想要問你的同事

You might be tempted to ask your coworkers some questions

關於他們身分的問題。

about their identity.

在你問出來之前，先問問自己，

Before you ask them a question,

ask yourself,

我能不能用搜尋引擎找到答案？

can I find the answer to this in a search engine?

很可能是可以的。

Chances are the answer is yes.

如果不行，那就問問自己，

And if the answer is no, ask yourself,

我問同事這個問題是否會太私人。

is this too personal of a question

for me to be asking my colleague.

但有個問題是可以問的：

One question that is okay to ask though,

在這段時間裡， 我能做什麼來支持你嗎？

is there anything I can do to support you at this time?

This is a note for if you're responding in the moment and in person.

這個注意事項是給當下 必須要親自回應的人。

But if you want to be an active ally,

但，若你想當主動的盟友， 談話就不能此於止，

the conversation doesn't end here,

it picks up again with your colleagues and human resources

接下來是要和你的同事及人資主管

on how you can make your workplace more inclusive

談論你如何能讓工作場所 變得更能包容這個人的身分。

of this person's identity.

Chances are it's not just going to help them

有可能不只會幫到這個人， 也許將來還能幫到別人。

but maybe someone else down the line.

Now, in my case,

在我的情況中能做的是 在信件簽名檔加上性別代名詞，

it would be adding pronouns to your email signature

and asking your coworkers to do the same

並請你的同事也這樣做，

in order to help normalize it across the org.

讓這件事情在組織中成為常態。

It could also be talking to HR

或和人力資源主管談

about having more trans-inclusive health care policies.

如何讓健康照護政策 對變性人更包容。

And my last piece of advice is for both the listener

我的最後一項建議 是要給談話的傾聽者以及主導者。

and the leader in the conversation.

Remember that they're the same person

要記得，他們還是 你過去認識的那個人。

you've always known them to be.

It's the weight of stereotypes and stigmas

通常，是刻板印象和汙名的重量

that often keep our closet doors shut.

讓衣櫃的門緊緊關著。

We're afraid people are now going to see us as this thing

我們害怕大家現在會 把我們視為是這個特點，

instead of seeing this thing as an aspect of who we are,

而不是把這個特點視為我們 現在與過去都一直擁有的面向。

of we've always been.

I know that was the case for me too,

我知道，我的情況也是如此，

but it got easier for me to say, my name is Micah

但我會越來越容易說出我叫麥卡，

because of the way I saw it not only accepted,

因為我不僅看到我的身分被接受，

but enthusiastically embraced by all of my coworkers.

還被我所有的同事熱情地擁抱。

So whatever it is you're keeping in your closet,

所以，不論你的衣櫃裡放了什麼，

我希望這些密訣讓你能夠

I hope these tips empower you

to bring your authentic self into your workplace

將你最真實的自己 帶到你的工作場所，

and hopefully feel more comfortable in your own skin.

希望你也能更自在地 披著自己的皮膚。