Betty Hart: How compassion could save your strained relationships | TED

90,916 views

2021-03-26 ใƒป TED


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Betty Hart: How compassion could save your strained relationships | TED

90,916 views ใƒป 2021-03-26

TED


ไธ‹ใฎ่‹ฑ่ชžๅญ—ๅน•ใ‚’ใƒ€ใƒ–ใƒซใ‚ฏใƒชใƒƒใ‚ฏใ™ใ‚‹ใจๅ‹•็”ปใ‚’ๅ†็”Ÿใงใใพใ™ใ€‚

00:00
Transcriber:
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็ฟป่จณ: Yoko Faulkner ๆ กๆญฃ: Naoko Fujii
00:13
I am unabashedly a daddy's girl.
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่บŠ่บ‡ใ›ใš่จ€ใ„ใพใ™ใŒ ็งใฏใƒ‘ใƒ‘ใฃๅจ˜ใงใ™
00:18
My daddy is the first person to have told me that I was beautiful.
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็ˆถใฏ ็งใซใ€Œใใ‚Œใ„ใ ใญใ€ใจ่จ€ใฃใฆใใ‚ŒใŸ ๅˆใ‚ใฆใฎไบบใงใ—ใŸ
00:23
He often told me that he loved me,
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ใ‚ˆใใ€Œๆ„›ใ—ใฆใ‚‹ใ‚ˆใ€ใจ่จ€ใฃใฆใใ‚Œใฆ
00:25
and he was one of my favorite people in the entire world,
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ไธ–็•Œไธ€ๅฅฝใใชไบบ็‰ฉใฎใฒใจใ‚Šใงใ—ใŸ
00:29
which was why it was really challenging
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ใงใ™ใ‹ใ‚‰ ๅคงใใช่ฆณๅฟต็š„็›ธ้•ใŒ
00:33
to discover that we had a deep ideological divide
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๏ผ’ไบบใฎ้–“ใซใ‚ใ‚‹ใฎใซๆฐ—ใฅใ„ใŸๆ™‚ใฏ ใจใฆใ‚‚ใคใ‚‰ใ„ๆ€ใ„ใ‚’ใ—ใพใ—ใŸ
00:38
that was so sincere and so deep
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็›ธ้•ใฏๆœฌ็‰ฉใง ใ‚ใพใ‚Šใซใ‚‚ๆ นๆทฑใ‹ใฃใŸใŸใ‚
00:42
that caused me to not talk to him for 10 years.
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็ˆถใจใฏ10ๅนด้–“ ๅฃใ‚’ๅˆฉใใพใ›ใ‚“ใงใ—ใŸ
00:50
Before the term was coined,
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ใพใ ็”จ่ชžใฏ็”Ÿใพใ‚Œใฆใ„ใพใ›ใ‚“ใงใ—ใŸใŒ
00:53
I canceled my father.
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็งใฏ็ˆถใ‚’ใ€Œใ‚ญใƒฃใƒณใ‚ปใƒซ๏ผˆๆŠนๆถˆ๏ผ‰ใ€ใ—ใŸใ‚ใ‘ใงใ™
00:57
In the last few years,
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ใ“ใฎๆ•ฐๅนดใฎใ†ใกใซ
00:58
cancel culture has of course come into great prominence.
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ใ€Œใ‚ญใƒฃใƒณใ‚ปใƒซใƒปใ‚ซใƒซใƒใƒฃใƒผใ€ใซใคใ„ใฆ ่€ณใซใ™ใ‚‹ใ“ใจใŒๅข—ใˆใพใ—ใŸ
01:01
It's existed throughout time,
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ไปฅๅ‰ใ‹ใ‚‰ใ‚ใฃใŸๆฆ‚ๅฟตใงใ™ใŒ
01:03
but cancel culture in the bigger society
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ใ‚ˆใ‚Šๅบƒใ„็คพไผšใงใฎใ‚ญใƒฃใƒณใ‚ปใƒซใƒปใ‚ซใƒซใƒใƒฃใƒผใจใฏ
01:07
is when a person in prominence says or does something
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่‘—ๅไบบใซใ‚ˆใ‚‹็™บ่จ€ใ‚„่กŒใ„ใŒ
01:10
that we, the people, disagree with,
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็งใŸใกไธ€่ˆฌๅธ‚ๆฐ‘ใจ็›ธๅฎนใ‚Œใฌใ‚‚ใฎใงใ‚ใ‚‹ๅ ดๅˆใซ
01:13
and the decision is made to make them persona non grata.
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ใใฎ่‘—ๅไบบใฎใ“ใจใ‚’ๅ—ใ‘ๅ…ฅใ‚ŒใŒใŸใ„ใจ ๆฑบใ‚ใคใ‘ใ‚‹ใ“ใจใงใ™
01:16
They are done.
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ใใ‚ŒใงใŠใ—ใพใ„ใงใ™
01:18
They are not to be revered.
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ใใฎไบบใฏๅฐŠๆ•ฌใซๅ€คใ—ใพใ›ใ‚“
01:19
They are not to be a part of our world anymore.
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ใ‚‚ใฏใ‚„่‡ชๅˆ†ใŸใกๅดใฎไบบ้–“ใงใฏใ‚ใ‚Šใพใ›ใ‚“
01:22
And that is in the public realm.
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ไปŠ่ฉฑใ—ใŸใฎใฏ ่‘—ๅไบบใจใฎ้–ขไฟ‚ใงใ™ใŒ
01:25
I'm going to talk to you today about the private realm.
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ๆœฌๆ—ฅ็š†ใ•ใ‚“ใซใŠ่ฉฑใ—ใ™ใ‚‹ใฎใฏ ๅ€‹ไบบ็š„ใช้–ขไฟ‚ใซใคใ„ใฆใงใ™
01:30
When we choose to cancel the people in our circle,
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่บซ่ฟ‘ใซใ„ใ‚‹ไบบใŸใกใ‚’ๆŠนๆถˆใ™ใ‚‹ใจใ„ใ† ้ธๆŠžใ‚’ใ™ใ‚‹ใจใใฎใ“ใจใงใ™
01:34
the people in our core,
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็งใŸใกใฎ็”Ÿๆดปใฎไธญๅฟƒใซใ„ใฆ
01:36
the people who love us and who we love,
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ใŠไบ’ใ„ใซๆ„›ๆƒ…ใ‚’ๆŒใฃใฆใ„ใฆ
01:40
and it has been mutually beneficial,
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ไบ’ใ„ใซๆœ‰็›Šใงใ‚ใ‚‹็›ธๆ‰‹ใชใฎใซ
01:42
but due to a deep and sincere ideological divide,
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ๆœฌ็‰ฉใงๆ นๆทฑใ„่ฆณๅฟต็š„ใช็›ธ้•ใฎใ›ใ„ใง
01:48
we make the decision to cancel them out of our lives.
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ใใฎไบบใŸใกใ‚’ ่‡ชๅˆ†ใŸใกใฎไบบ็”Ÿใ‹ใ‚‰ ๆŠนๆถˆใ™ใ‚‹ๆฑบๆ–ญใ‚’ใ™ใ‚‹ใฎใงใ™
01:53
I want to suggest that cancel culture needs to change,
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็งใŒๆ่จ€ใ—ใŸใ„ใฎใฏ ใ‚ญใƒฃใƒณใ‚ปใƒซใƒปใ‚ซใƒซใƒใƒฃใƒผใฏใ‚„ใ‚ใฆ
01:59
and instead we need to move to compassion culture.
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ใ‚ณใƒณใƒ‘ใƒƒใ‚ทใƒงใƒณ๏ผˆๆ€ใ„ใ‚„ใ‚Š๏ผ‰ใ‚ซใƒซใƒใƒฃใƒผใธใจ ้€ฒใ‚“ใงใ„ใ“ใ†ใจใ„ใ†ใ“ใจใงใ™
02:04
But before I go there,
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ๆœฌ้กŒใซ็งปใ‚‹ๅ‰ใซ
02:06
let me tell you two of the premises that exist
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ไบบใŒใ‚ญใƒฃใƒณใ‚ปใƒซใƒปใ‚ซใƒซใƒใƒฃใƒผใซ้™ฅใ‚‹้š›ใฎ
02:08
when we indulge in cancel culture.
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๏ผ’ใคใฎๅ‰ๆใซใคใ„ใฆใŠ่ฉฑใ—ใ—ใพใ—ใ‚‡ใ†
02:11
One, we have to believe that we're right.
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๏ผ‘ใคใ‚ใฏ ่‡ชๅˆ†ใฏๆญฃใ—ใ„ใฏใšใจใ„ใ†ไฟกๅฟตใงใ™
02:15
A hundred percent,
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100๏ผ…ๆญฃใ—ใใฆ
02:17
no possibility of being wrong.
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้–“้•ใฃใฆใ„ใ‚‹ใฏใšใชใฉใชใ„ใจใ„ใ†ไฟกๅฟตใงใ™
02:20
And two, the other person,
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๏ผ’ใค็›ฎใฏ ็›ธๆ‰‹ใซใคใ„ใฆใงใ™ใŒ
02:23
the person we're going to cancel,
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ๆŠนๆถˆใ—ใ‚ˆใ†ใจใ—ใฆใ„ใ‚‹็›ธๆ‰‹ใŒ
02:25
clearly does not have the ability
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ๅค‰ใ‚ใ‚Š ๆˆ้•ทใ—็™บๅฑ•ใ™ใ‚‹่ƒฝๅŠ›ใ‚’ๆŒใŸใชใ„ใจ
02:28
to change, to grow, to develop.
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ไธ€็›ฎ็žญ็„ถใงใ‚ใ‚‹ใ“ใจใงใ™
02:33
Obviously, both of these are problematic
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ๆ˜Žใ‚‰ใ‹ใซ ใฉใกใ‚‰ใฎๅ‰ๆใซใ‚‚ๅ•้กŒใŒใ‚ใ‚Šใพใ™
02:36
because sometimes we're not right.
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ไบบใฏๆ™‚ใซ ้–“้•ใ„ใ‚‚็Šฏใ—ใพใ™ใ‹ใ‚‰
02:40
I don't know about you, but there have been times in my life
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็š†ใ•ใ‚“ใฎใ“ใจใฏๅญ˜ใ˜ใพใ›ใ‚“ใŒ ็งใŒ็”ŸใใฆใใŸไธญใงใฏ
02:43
when I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was right
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่‡ชๅˆ†ใฏๆญฃใ—ใ„ใฎใ ใจ ็–‘ใ„ใฎไฝ™ๅœฐใ‚‚ใชใ‹ใฃใŸใฎใซ
02:46
only to discover that I was wrong,
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ใ„ใ–่“‹ใ‚’้–‹ใ‘ใŸใ‚‰ ้–“้•ใ„ใซๆฐ—ไป˜ใ„ใŸใ“ใจ
02:52
badly wrong, completely missed the mark.
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ใ‚‚ใฎใ™ใ”ใ้–“้•ใฃใฆใ„ใฆ ๅฎŒๅ…จใซ็š„ๅค–ใ‚Œใ ใฃใŸใ“ใจใŒใ‚ใ‚Šใพใ™
02:55
So if it could happen to me and perhaps it's happened to you,
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็งใซใ‚ใ‚‹ใ‚“ใงใ™ใ‹ใ‚‰ ๅคšๅˆ†็š†ใ•ใ‚“ใ‚‚ๅฟƒๅฝ“ใŸใ‚ŠใŒใ‚ใ‚‹ใจๆ€ใ„ใพใ™ใ—
02:59
perhaps it could happen to others.
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ใŠใใ‚‰ใไป–ใฎไบบใŸใกใ‚‚ๅŒใ˜ใงใ—ใ‚‡ใ†
03:01
The second is a little even more challenging
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๏ผ’็•ชใ‚ใฏ ใ‚‚ใฃใจ้›ฃใ—ใ„ใงใ™ใ‚ˆใญ
03:04
because I know that I've changed over the years.
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ใชใœใฃใฆ ็งใ‚‚ๆ™‚ใ‚’็ตŒใฆๅค‰ใ‚ใ‚Šใพใ—ใŸใ‹ใ‚‰
03:09
Haven't we all?
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ใฟใ‚“ใชใใ†ใงใ™ใ‚ˆใญ๏ผŸ
03:11
Though the core parts of Betty have pretty much stayed the same,
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ใƒ™ใƒ†ใ‚ฃใฎไธญๆ ธใ‚’ใชใ™ใ‚‚ใฎใฏ ใ ใ„ใŸใ„ๅŒใ˜ใ ใจใ—ใฆใ‚‚
03:15
there have been key elements that have changed drastically.
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้‡่ฆใช่ฆ็ด ใŒๅคงใใๅค‰ๅŒ–ใ—ใŸใฎใงใ™
03:19
The Betty of eight years old was not the same as the Betty of 18,
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๏ผ˜ๆญณใฎใƒ™ใƒ†ใ‚ฃใฏ 18ๆญณใฎใƒ™ใƒ†ใ‚ฃใจๅŒใ˜ใงใฏใชใ„ใงใ™ใ—
03:23
which was not the same as 28, which was not the same as 38.
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28ๆญณใ‚„38ๆญณใฎใƒ™ใƒ†ใ‚ฃใจใ‚‚ ๅŒใ˜ใงใฏใ‚ใ‚Šใพใ›ใ‚“
03:28
I've changed.
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็งใฏๅค‰ใ‚ใฃใŸใ‚“ใงใ™
03:30
And if I'm able to change,
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ใใ—ใฆ ใ‚‚ใ—็งใŒๅค‰ใ‚ใ‚Œใ‚‹ใฎใชใ‚‰
03:33
shouldn't I extend grace to believe that others can change too?
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็›ธๆ‰‹ใ ใฃใฆๅค‰ใ‚ใ‚Œใ‚‹ใฏใšใ ใจ ๅฏ›ๅคงใซ่€ƒใˆใ‚‹ในใใงใฏใชใ„ใงใ—ใ‚‡ใ†ใ‹๏ผŸ
03:39
So what should we do?
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ใงใฏใฉใ†ใ™ใ‚Œใฐใ„ใ„ใงใ—ใ‚‡ใ†๏ผŸ
03:43
Instead of canceling people, we should use the tool called compassion.
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่ชฐใ‹ใ‚’ๆŠนๆถˆใ™ใ‚‹ไปฃใ‚ใ‚Šใซ ๆ€ใ„ใ‚„ใ‚Šใจใ„ใ†ๆ‰‹ๆฎตใ‚’ไฝฟใ†ในใใงใ™
03:49
I find the definition of compassion is a fascinating one.
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ๆ€ใ„ใ‚„ใ‚Šใจใ„ใ†่จ€่‘‰ใฎๅฎš็พฉใฏ ้ญ…ๅŠ›็š„ใ ใจๆ€ใ†ใ‚“ใงใ™
03:52
And it's not one that I hear people talk about.
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ใ‚ˆใ่ฉฑใซๅ‡บใ‚‹ใ‚‚ใฎใจใฏๅˆฅใฎๅฎš็พฉใงใ™
03:55
Compassion means to suffer with someone.
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ๆ€ใ„ใ‚„ใ‚Šใจใฏ ่ชฐใ‹ใจ่‹ฆใ—ใฟใ‚’ๅˆ†ใ‹ใกๅˆใ†ใ“ใจใงใ™
04:01
To suffer alongside them.
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็›ธๆ‰‹ใฎใใฐใง ไธ€็ท’ใซ่‹ฆใ—ใ‚€ใ“ใจใงใ™
04:04
Imagine.
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ๆƒณๅƒใ—ใฆใฟใฆไธ‹ใ•ใ„
04:06
When someone, say, Grandpa,
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ไพ‹ใˆใฐใ‚ใชใŸใฎใŠ็ฅ–็ˆถใ•ใ‚“ใŒ็™บใ—ใŸ
04:09
says that thing that's caused you to decide
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ใฒใ‚‡ใ‚“ใชไธ€่จ€ใŒใใฃใ‹ใ‘ใจใชใ‚Š ใ‚ใชใŸใŒใ‚ใ‚‹ๆฑบๆ–ญใ‚’ไธ‹ใ—ใŸใจใ—ใพใ™
04:12
he's no longer invited to Thanksgiving,
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ๆ„Ÿ่ฌ็ฅญใฎใƒ‡ใ‚ฃใƒŠใƒผใซๅ‘ผใถใฎใฏใ‚‚ใ†ใ‚„ใ‚ใŸใจ
04:15
what if instead we chose to suffer alongside him?
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ใใ†ใ™ใ‚‹ไปฃใ‚ใ‚Šใซ ใŠ็ฅ–็ˆถใ•ใ‚“ใจไธ€็ท’ใซ่‹ฆใ—ใ‚€ใ“ใจใ‚’้ธใ‚“ใ ใ‚‰๏ผŸ
04:20
We decided that our love was so big, so deep, so strong
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็›ธๆ‰‹ใธใฎๆ„›ๆƒ…ใŒ ใจใฆใ‚‚ๅคงใใ ๆทฑใ ๅผทใ„ใ‚‚ใฎใ ใ‹ใ‚‰
04:27
that we were willing to suffer,
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ๅ–œใ‚“ใง่‹ฆใ—ใฟใ‚’ๅˆ†ใ‹ใกๅˆใ„
04:30
even when it could be potentially painful.
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่‹ฆ็—›ใ‚’ใ‚‚ๅŽญใ‚ใชใ„ใจ่…นใ‚’ใใใฃใŸใ‚‰๏ผŸ
04:34
Now let's be clear.
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ใฏใฃใใ‚Š็”ณใ—ไธŠใ’ใพใ™
04:35
I am not denying anyone's right to cancel anyone else.
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็š†ใ•ใ‚“ใŒ ่ชฐใ‹ใ‚’ๆŠนๆถˆใ™ใ‚‹ๆจฉๅˆฉใ‚’ ๅฆๅฎšใ—ใ‚ˆใ†ใจใ—ใฆใ„ใ‚‹ใ‚ใ‘ใงใฏใชใ„ใ‚“ใงใ™
04:40
What I'm suggesting is that maybe that's not the best way.
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่จ€ใ‚ใ‚“ใจใ—ใฆใ„ใ‚‹ใฎใฏ ใใ‚Œใฏๆœ€ๅ–„็ญ–ใงใฏใชใ„ใ‹ใ‚‚ใจใ„ใ†ใ“ใจใงใ™
04:45
When we think about the situation with Grandpa at Thanksgiving,
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ใŠ็ฅ–็ˆถใ•ใ‚“ใจๆ„Ÿ่ฌ็ฅญใฎใƒ‡ใ‚ฃใƒŠใƒผใฎไพ‹ใซใคใ„ใฆ ่€ƒใˆใฆใฟใ‚‹ใจ
04:49
if we choose to cancel him,
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ใŠ็ฅ–็ˆถใ•ใ‚“ใ‚’ๆŠนๆถˆใ™ใ‚‹ใจๆฑบใ‚ใŸใชใ‚‰
04:51
we are no longer in proximity to him.
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ใŠ็ฅ–็ˆถใ•ใ‚“ใจใฏ็–Ž้ ใซใชใฃใฆใ—ใพใ„ใพใ™
04:53
Not only do we not get to hear his point of view,
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ใŠ็ฅ–็ˆถใ•ใ‚“ใฎ่ฆ‹่งฃใ‚’ ่žใใ“ใจใŒใงใใชใใชใ‚‹ใฐใ‹ใ‚Šใ‹
04:57
we don't get to share ours.
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็งใŸใกใฎ่ฆ‹่งฃใ‚‚ไผใˆใ‚‰ใ‚Œใชใใชใ‚Šใพใ™
04:59
What if we're the only person,
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ใงใ‚‚ ใ‚‚ใ—ใŠ็ฅ–็ˆถใ•ใ‚“ใซๅฏพใ—ใฆ
05:03
because of our deep connection and love and affection for our grandfather --
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ใ“ใ‚Œใปใฉใพใงใซๆทฑใ„้–ขไฟ‚ใจๆ„›ๆƒ…ใ‚’ๆŒใคใฎใฏ ่‡ชๅˆ†ใ ใ‘ใ ใฃใŸใ‚‰๏ผŸ
05:08
and substitute anyone you choose.
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็š†ใ•ใ‚“ใฎๅคงๅˆ‡ใชไบบใซ็ฝฎใๆ›ใˆใฆ่€ƒใˆใฆไธ‹ใ•ใ„
05:11
What if we're the ones to plant seeds of change,
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็งใŸใกใ“ใใŒ็จฎใ‚’่’”ใในใใ ใจใ—ใŸใ‚‰๏ผŸ ๅค‰ๅŒ–ใ‚’็”Ÿใ‚€็จฎใ‚„โ€•
05:17
seeds of influence,
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ๅฝฑ้Ÿฟใ‚’ใ‚‚ใŸใ‚‰ใ™็จฎใ‚„
05:19
seeds of difference.
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ๅŠนๆžœใ‚’็”Ÿใ‚€็จฎใ‚’
05:21
Now, to be fair,
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ๅ…ฌๅนณใซ่จ€ใ†ใจ
05:23
I cannot promise you that just because you plant the seed,
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็จฎ่’”ใใ‚’ใ—ใŸใ‹ใ‚‰ใจใ„ใฃใฆ ๆฑบใ—ใฆ็ด„ๆŸใงใใพใ›ใ‚“
05:27
that it will get water,
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็จฎใซๆฐดใ‚’ใ‚„ใฃใฆใ‚‚ใ‚‰ใˆใ‚‹ใจใ‚‚
05:29
that it'll get any sunlight or even a little fertilizer.
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ๅคช้™ฝใฎๅ…‰ใ‚’ๅ—ใ‘ใ‚‹ใจใ‚‚ ใ„ใใฐใใฎ่‚ฅๆ–™ใ•ใˆไธŽใˆใ‚‰ใ‚Œใ‚‹ใจใ‚‚้™ใ‚Šใพใ›ใ‚“
05:33
But what I can tell you is that if you don't plant it,
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ใŸใ ่จ€ใˆใ‚‹ใฎใฏ ็š†ใ•ใ‚“ใŒ็จฎใ‚’่’”ใ‹ใชใ‹ใฃใŸใ‚‰
05:38
who will?
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ไป–ใซ่ชฐใŒใ™ใ‚‹ใฎใ‹ใจ
05:42
I find it interesting,
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่ˆˆๅ‘ณๆทฑใ„ใชใจๆ€ใ†ใ‚“ใงใ™
05:44
this idea of suffering alongside someone.
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่ชฐใ‹ใจใ„ใฃใ—ใ‚‡ใซ่‹ฆใ—ใ‚€ใจใ„ใ†่€ƒใˆใฏ
05:48
It means that we are choosing to value the totality of the person
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็›ธๆ‰‹ใฎๅ…จใฆใ‚’ๅฐŠ้‡ใ™ใ‚‹้ธๆŠžใ‚’ใ™ใ‚‹ใ“ใจใ‚’ๆ„ๅ‘ณใ—
05:53
rather than one particular aspect,
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ๆž ็ต„ใ‚„่€ƒใˆๆ–นใ‚„ไฟกๅฟตไฝ“็ณปใจใ„ใฃใŸ
05:56
like a framework or a mindset or a belief system.
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ไธ€ๅฎšใฎ้ขใ‚’่ฆ‹ใ‚‹ใ“ใจใงใฏใ‚ใ‚Šใพใ›ใ‚“
06:00
We're choosing to believe that the entire person is more valuable
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็›ธๆ‰‹ใฎๅ…จไฝ“ใจใ„ใ†ใ‚‚ใฎใฏ ้ƒจๅˆ†ใ ใ‘ใ‚ˆใ‚Šใ‚‚ๅธธใซไพกๅ€คใŒใ‚ใ‚‹ใจ
06:05
than any of the individual parts.
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ไฟกใ˜ใ‚‹้ธๆŠžใ‚’ใ™ใ‚‹ใฎใงใ™
06:08
And I found an amazing duo who demonstrated this beautifully.
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ใ“ใ‚Œใ‚’่ฆ‹ไบ‹ใซใ‚„ใฃใฆใฎใ‘ใŸ๏ผ’ไบบใŒใ„ใพใ™
06:15
Perhaps you've heard of them.
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ๅคšๅˆ†็š†ใ•ใ‚“ใ‚‚ใ”ๅญ˜็Ÿฅใจๆ€ใ„ใพใ™
06:18
The late justices
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็”Ÿๅ‰ใฏๆœ€้ซ˜่ฃๅˆคไบ‹ใ‚’ๅ‹™ใ‚ใŸ
06:21
Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Antonin Scalia
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ใƒซใƒผใ‚นใƒปใƒ™ใ‚คใƒ€ใƒผใƒปใ‚ฎใƒณใ‚บใƒใƒผใ‚ฐใจ ใ‚ขใƒณใƒˆใƒ‹ใƒณใƒปใ‚นใ‚ซใƒชใ‚ขใฏ
06:24
were close, close friends.
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ใใ‚Œใฏใ‚‚ใ†ไปฒใฎ่‰ฏใ„ๅ‹ไบบๅŒๅฃซใงใ—ใŸ
06:28
And they were completely divided in terms of belief systems.
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ไฟกๅฟตไฝ“็ณปใซ้–ขใ—ใฆ่จ€ใˆใฐ ๏ผ’ไบบใฏๆญฃๅๅฏพใงใ—ใŸใ—
06:34
In fact, Antonin Scalia once said,
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ใ‚ขใƒณใƒˆใƒ‹ใƒณใƒปใ‚นใ‚ซใƒชใ‚ขใซใ„ใŸใฃใฆใฏ ใ‹ใคใฆใ“ใ†ใ‚‚่จ€ใ„ใพใ—ใŸ
06:38
"What's not to like, other than her thoughts on the law."
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ใ€Œๆณ•ใซใคใ„ใฆใฎ่ฆ‹่งฃใ‚’้™คใ„ใฆใฏ ๅฝผๅฅณใ‚’ๅซŒใ†็†็”ฑใฏไฝ•ใ‚‚ใชใ„ใ€ใจ
06:43
He believed she was wrong.
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๏ผ’ไบบใฏใใ‚Œใžใ‚Œ ใŠไบ’ใ„ใฎ่€ƒใˆใฏ
06:45
She believed he was wrong.
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้–“้•ใฃใฆใ„ใ‚‹ใจๆ€ใฃใฆใ„ใพใ—ใŸ
06:47
They did not shift in that point of view whatsoever.
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ใใฎ็‚นใซใคใ„ใฆใฏ ๏ผ’ไบบใจใ‚‚่€ƒใˆใ‚’ๅ…จใๅค‰ใˆใพใ›ใ‚“ใงใ—ใŸ
06:51
And yet they had tea together every week,
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ใใ‚Œใงใ‚‚ใชใŠ ๏ผ’ไบบใฏๆฏŽ้€ฑใฎใ‚ˆใ†ใซใŠ่Œถใ‚’ๅ…ฑใซใ—
06:55
and every New Year's Eve,
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ๆฏŽๅนดๅคงๆ™ฆๆ—ฅใซใฏ
06:57
they spent it together with their families.
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ๅฎถๆ—ๅŒๅฃซใง้›†ใพใ‚Šใพใ—ใŸ
07:00
They went on family vacations together.
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ไธ€็ท’ใซๅฎถๆ—ๆ—…่กŒใซใ‚‚ๅ‡บๆŽ›ใ‘ใพใ—ใŸ
07:03
They chose to suffer with each other rather
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๏ผ’ไบบใŒ้ธใ‚“ใ ใฎใฏ ไบ’ใ„ใ‚’ๆŠนๆถˆใ™ใ‚‹ใ“ใจใงใฏใชใ
07:07
than to cancel each other.
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่‹ฆใ—ใฟใ‚’ๅˆ†ใ‹ใกๅˆใ†ใ“ใจใงใ—ใŸ
07:10
Their love and respect for each other
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ไบ’ใ„ใซๆ•ฌๆ„›ใฎๅฟตใ‚’ๆŒใค้–ขไฟ‚ใฏ
07:13
continued to grow,
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็ถ™็ถšใ—ใฆ่‚ฒใพใ‚Œ
07:14
even though they never saw eye to eye.
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ๆ„่ฆ‹ใฎไธไธ€่‡ดใชใฉ ใ‚‚ใฎใจใ‚‚ใ—ใพใ›ใ‚“ใงใ—ใŸ
07:19
I imagine that curiosity might be a part of that.
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๏ผ‘ใคใซใฏ ไบ’ใ„ใธใฎ้–ขๅฟƒใ‚‚ใ‚ใฃใŸใ‹ใจๆ€ใ„ใพใ™
07:24
That if we choose to be curious about that which is different,
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ๆ„่ฆ‹ใฎๅˆใ‚ใชใ„ไบบใซๅฏพใ— ้–ขๅฟƒใ‚’ๆŒใคใจใ„ใ†้ธๆŠžใ‚’ใ™ใ‚Œใฐ
07:28
we might discover something along the way.
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ไป˜ใๅˆใ†ใ†ใกใซ ็™บ่ฆ‹ใŒใ‚ใ‚‹ใ‹ใ‚‚ใ—ใ‚Œใพใ›ใ‚“
07:31
After all, if we are who we are because of our lived experiences,
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็ตๅฑ€ใฎใจใ“ใ‚ ็งใŸใกใฎไบบใจใชใ‚ŠใŒ ็ตŒ้จ“ใซๅŸบใฅใ„ใŸใ‚‚ใฎใงใ‚ใ‚‹ใฎใชใ‚‰
07:36
isn't that true for someone else?
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็›ธๆ‰‹ใซใ‚‚ ใใ†่จ€ใˆใ‚‹ใฎใงใฏใชใ„ใงใ—ใ‚‡ใ†ใ‹๏ผŸ
07:39
And have we ever decided to use that tool of empathy,
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็š†ใ•ใ‚“ใฏใ“ใ‚Œใพใงใซ ๅ…ฑๆ„Ÿใจใ„ใ†ๆ‰‹ๆฎตใ‚’ๅˆฉ็”จใ—ใฆ
07:42
of walking a mile or so in someone else's shoes
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็›ธๆ‰‹ใฎ็ซ‹ๅ ดใ‹ใ‚‰ใ‚‚ใฎใ‚’่€ƒใˆใฆใฟใฆ
07:46
to really discover the context for why they believe what they believe?
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็›ธๆ‰‹ใŒใ‚ใ‚‹ไฟกๆกใ‚’ๆŒใคใซ่‡ณใฃใŸ่ƒŒๆ™ฏใŒ ็œŸใซๅˆ†ใ‹ใฃใŸใจใ„ใ†ใ“ใจใŒใ‚ใ‚Šใพใ›ใ‚“ใ‹๏ผŸ
07:51
Now, by now you're probably saying,
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ใŠใใ‚‰ใ ใŠใฃใ—ใ‚ƒใ‚‹ใ‹ใ‚‚ใ—ใ‚Œใพใ›ใ‚“ใญ
07:53
"Yeah, OK, Betty, this sounds good.
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ใ€Œ็ขบใ‹ใซใ„ใ„ใ“ใจใ ใจๆ€ใ„ใพใ™ใŒ
07:56
But what about you?
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ใงใ‚‚ ใ”่‡ชๅˆ†ใฏใฉใ†ใชใ‚“ใงใ™ใ‹๏ผŸ
07:58
What about you and your dad?"
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ใŠ็ˆถใ•ใ‚“ใจใฎ้–ขไฟ‚ใฏ๏ผŸใ€ใจ
08:01
It's a fair question.
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ใ”ใ‚‚ใฃใจใ‚‚ใช่ณชๅ•ใงใ™
08:04
After 10 years of not talking to my dad,
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10ๅนด้–“ใฎ้Ÿณไฟกไธ้€šใฎๆœŸ้–“ใ‚’็ตŒใŸใ‚ใจ
08:08
I picked up the phone one day, called him and said,
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็งใฏใ‚ใ‚‹ๆ—ฅ ๅ—่ฉฑๅ™จใ‚’ๅ–ใ‚Š ็ˆถใซ้›ป่ฉฑใ—ใฆ่จ€ใ„ใพใ—ใŸ
08:12
"I bet if it were up to you,
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ใ€Œใ‚‚ใ— ๅถใ†ใ“ใจใชใ‚‰
08:15
you'd probably go back in time and change some things.
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ใƒ‘ใƒ‘ใฏๅคšๅˆ† ๆ™‚ใ‚’ๆˆปใ—ใฆ ไฝ•ใ‹ใ‚’ๅค‰ใˆใ‚ˆใ†ใจใ™ใ‚‹ใ‚“ใ˜ใ‚ƒใชใ„ใ‹ใช
08:19
I know I would.
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็งใชใ‚‰็ตถๅฏพใใ†ใ™ใ‚‹
08:22
But since we can't,
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ใงใ‚‚ ใใ‚Œใฏๅถใ‚ใชใ„ใ“ใจใ ใ‹ใ‚‰
08:24
how about we start again?"
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ไธ€ใ‹ใ‚‰ใ‚„ใ‚Š็›ดใ—ใฆใฟใชใ„๏ผŸใ€ใจ
08:27
And he said,
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ใ™ใ‚‹ใจ็ˆถใฏ็ญ”ใˆใพใ—ใŸ
08:29
"Yes, because I love you.
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ใ€Œใ„ใ„ใ‚ˆ ใŠๅ‰ใ‚’ๆ„›ใ—ใฆใ„ใ‚‹ใ‹ใ‚‰ใญ
08:32
I always have. And I always will."
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ใšใฃใจๆ„›ใ—ใฆใใŸใ— ใ“ใ‚Œใ‹ใ‚‰ใ‚‚ใ ใ‚ˆใ€ใจ
08:38
I am so grateful that I made that call
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้›ป่ฉฑใ—ใฆๆœฌๅฝ“ใซ่‰ฏใ‹ใฃใŸใจๆ€ใฃใฆใ„ใพใ™
08:43
because there was no way for me to know
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ๅฝ“ๆ™‚ใฏ ็Ÿฅใ‚‹็”ฑใ‚‚ใ‚ใ‚Šใพใ›ใ‚“ใงใ—ใŸใŒ
08:45
that a few years later my dad would develop Alzheimer's.
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็ˆถใฏใใฎๆ•ฐๅนดๅพŒ ใ‚ขใƒซใƒ„ใƒใ‚คใƒžใƒผใ‚’็™บ็—‡ใ—ใŸใฎใงใ™
08:51
And a few years after that he would die.
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ใใ—ใฆใใฎๆ•ฐๅนดๅพŒใซไบกใใชใ‚Šใพใ—ใŸ
08:56
And we never saw eye to eye about the thing that divided us,
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๏ผ’ไบบใ‚’ๅˆ†ใ‘้š”ใฆใŸๅ•้กŒใซ้–ขใ—ใฆใฏ ๆ„่ฆ‹ใŒไธ€่‡ดใ™ใ‚‹ใ“ใจใฏใ‚ใ‚Šใพใ›ใ‚“ใงใ—ใŸ
09:02
ever.
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ๆฑบใ—ใฆ
09:04
But our love continued.
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ใงใ‚‚ ไบ’ใ„ใซๆ„›ๆƒ…ใฏๆŒใก็ถšใ‘ใพใ—ใŸ
09:08
It continued through those 10 years when we didn't speak
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ๅฃใ‚’ๅˆฉใ‹ใชใ‹ใฃใŸ10ๅนด้–“ใ‚‚
09:11
and it continued in the six years after.
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ใใฎๅพŒใฎ๏ผ–ๅนด้–“ใ‚‚ใšใฃใจใงใ™
09:15
So I am encouraging us to become a society of people
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ใงใ™ใ‹ใ‚‰ ็š†ใ•ใ‚“ใซใŠๅ‹งใ‚ใ—ใŸใ„ใฎใฏ ็คพไผšใ‚’ๅค‰ใˆใฆใ„ใใ“ใจใงใ™
09:20
that choose compassion over canceling.
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ๆŠนๆถˆใฎไปฃใ‚ใ‚Šใซ ๆ€ใ„ใ‚„ใ‚Šใ‚’้ธใถใฎใงใ™
09:24
I'm asking us to consider
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ใฉใ†ใž่€ƒใˆใฆใฟใฆใใ ใ•ใ„
09:27
that curiosity might be a better practice.
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็›ธๆ‰‹ใธ้–ขๅฟƒใ‚’็คบใ™ใฎใŒ ใ‚ˆใ‚Š่‰ฏใ„ใ‚„ใ‚Šๆ–นใงใฏใชใ„ใ‹ใจ
09:31
That we might choose empathy,
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็›ธๆ‰‹ใซๅ…ฑๆ„Ÿใ—
09:34
that we might choose to have a love that is so deep, so wide,
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ๆทฑใๅบƒใ„ๆ„›ๆƒ…ใ‚’ๆณจใใ“ใจใ‚’้ธในใฐ ใใฎๆ„›ใฎๅผทใ•ใ‚†ใˆใซ
09:39
so strong that it can surpass differences.
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็›ธ้•ใ ใฃใฆๅ…‹ๆœๅ‡บๆฅใ‚‹ใจใ„ใ†ใ“ใจใ‚’
09:45
Why are we so scared of differences anyway?
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ใใ‚‚ใใ‚‚ ใชใœ้•ใ„ใ‚’ๆใ‚Œใ‚‹ใฎใงใ—ใ‚‡ใ†๏ผŸ
09:51
I also want us to be a people that plant seeds,
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็š†ใ•ใ‚“ใซใฏ ็จฎ่’”ใใ‚’ใ™ใ‚‹ไบบใซใ‚‚ใชใฃใฆใปใ—ใ„ใ‚“ใงใ™
09:56
seeds of change, seeds of influence,
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ๅค‰ๅŒ–ใ‚’็”Ÿใฟ ๅฝฑ้Ÿฟใ‚’ใ‚‚ใŸใ‚‰ใ—
10:00
seeds of diversity.
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ๅคšๆง˜ๆ€งใ‚’่‚ฒใ‚€็จฎใ‚’่’”ใไบบใซ
10:03
Again, I cannot promise to you or anyone else
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ใ‚‚ใ†ไธ€ๅบฆ่จ€ใ„ใพใ™ใŒ ็ด„ๆŸใฏใงใใพใ›ใ‚“
10:08
that planting that seed is going to make a difference.
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็จฎ่’”ใใ‚’ใ™ใ‚‹ใ“ใจใง ๅŠนๆžœใŒ็”Ÿใพใ‚Œใ‚‹ใจใฏ้™ใ‚Šใพใ›ใ‚“
10:13
But what if it does?
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ใงใ‚‚ใ‚‚ใ—ๅŠนๆžœใŒใ‚ใฃใŸใ‚‰๏ผŸ
10:15
I am the sum of who I am
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็งใŒ ็งใจใ„ใ†ไบบ้–“ใฎ้›†ๅคงๆˆใงใ‚ใ‚‹ใฎใฏ
10:18
because of everything that I've been exposed to.
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็งใŒใ“ใ‚Œใพใง่งฆใ‚ŒใฆใใŸใ™ในใฆใŒ ใ‚ใฃใฆใ“ใใชใฎใงใ™
10:21
My mind has changed over the years
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็งใฎ่€ƒใˆๆ–นใŒ ๆ™‚ใ‚’็ตŒใฆๅค‰ใ‚ใ‚Š
10:23
and grown because of the people in my life who planted seeds in me,
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ๆˆ้•ทใ‚’้‚ใ’ใŸใฎใฏ ็งใฎไธญใซ็จฎใ‚’่’”ใ„ใŸไบบใŸใกใฎใŠใ‹ใ’ใงใ™
10:28
some that I saw and some that I didn't.
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ๅฎŸ้š›ๆŽฅใ—ใŸไบบใ‚‚ ใใ†ใงใชใ„ไบบใ‚‚ๅซใ‚ใฆใงใ™
10:31
So wouldn't it be great
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ใ ใ‹ใ‚‰ ็ด ๆ™ดใ‚‰ใ—ใ„ใจๆ€ใ„ใพใ›ใ‚“ใ‹๏ผŸ
10:33
if instead of having a cancel culture
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ใ‚ญใƒฃใƒณใ‚ปใƒซใƒปใ‚ซใƒซใƒใƒฃใƒผใฎไปฃใ‚ใ‚Šใซ
10:36
we create a compassion culture
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ใ‚ณใƒณใƒ‘ใƒƒใ‚ทใƒงใƒณใƒปใ‚ซใƒซใƒใƒฃใƒผใ‚’ ่‚ฒใ‚€ใ“ใจใŒใงใใŸใชใ‚‰
10:39
where we are willing to suffer alongside the ones we love,
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ๆ„›ใ™ใ‚‹ไบบใฎใใฐใงไธ€็ท’ใซ่‹ฆใ—ใ‚€ใ“ใจใ‚‚ ๅŽญใ‚ใชใ„ใฎใงใ™
10:43
because we love them.
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็›ธๆ‰‹ใธใฎๆ„›ใŒใ‚ใ‚Œใฐใ“ใใฎใ“ใจใงใ™
10:47
And can't we become a community that plants seeds?
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็จฎใ‚’่’”ใใ‚ณใƒŸใƒฅใƒ‹ใƒ†ใ‚ฃใ‚’่‚ฒใฟใพใ—ใ‚‡ใ†
10:52
After all, if we don't, who will?
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็งใŸใกใŒใ›ใšใซ ่ชฐใŒใงใใ‚‹ใงใ—ใ‚‡ใ†๏ผŸ
10:59
Thank you.
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ใ‚ใ‚ŠใŒใจใ†ใ”ใ–ใ„ใพใ—ใŸ
ใ“ใฎใ‚ฆใ‚งใƒ–ใ‚ตใ‚คใƒˆใซใคใ„ใฆ

ใ“ใฎใ‚ตใ‚คใƒˆใงใฏ่‹ฑ่ชžๅญฆ็ฟ’ใซๅฝน็ซ‹ใคYouTubeๅ‹•็”ปใ‚’็ดนไป‹ใ—ใพใ™ใ€‚ไธ–็•Œไธญใฎไธ€ๆต่ฌ›ๅธซใซใ‚ˆใ‚‹่‹ฑ่ชžใƒฌใƒƒใ‚นใƒณใ‚’่ฆ‹ใ‚‹ใ“ใจใŒใงใใพใ™ใ€‚ๅ„ใƒ“ใƒ‡ใ‚ชใฎใƒšใƒผใ‚ธใซ่กจ็คบใ•ใ‚Œใ‚‹่‹ฑ่ชžๅญ—ๅน•ใ‚’ใƒ€ใƒ–ใƒซใ‚ฏใƒชใƒƒใ‚ฏใ™ใ‚‹ใจใ€ใใ“ใ‹ใ‚‰ใƒ“ใƒ‡ใ‚ชใ‚’ๅ†็”Ÿใ™ใ‚‹ใ“ใจใŒใงใใพใ™ใ€‚ๅญ—ๅน•ใฏใƒ“ใƒ‡ใ‚ชใฎๅ†็”ŸใจๅŒๆœŸใ—ใฆใ‚นใ‚ฏใƒญใƒผใƒซใ—ใพใ™ใ€‚ใ”ๆ„่ฆ‹ใƒปใ”่ฆๆœ›ใŒใ”ใ–ใ„ใพใ—ใŸใ‚‰ใ€ใ“ใกใ‚‰ใฎใŠๅ•ใ„ๅˆใ‚ใ›ใƒ•ใ‚ฉใƒผใƒ ใ‚ˆใ‚Šใ”้€ฃ็ตกใใ ใ•ใ„ใ€‚

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