How Film Captures the Space Between Hope and Despair | Mounia Akl | TED

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Helen Chang

Hello.

哈囉。

So as you know,

各位知道，這裡不是我的舒適圈。

my comfort zone isn’t here.

It’s usually on set,

我的舒適圈通常是 在片場，在攝影機後面，

behind a camera,

like him,

就像他，或是他。

or him.

But I’m very happy to be here.

但我很高興來到這裡。

So yes, I was born in Beirut, Lebanon.

是的，我是在黎巴嫩的貝魯特出生。

It’s what I call my home country.

它是我的祖國。

It’s the place where my first memories are,

我最早的記憶都是那裡的記憶，

where my parents live,

我父母住在那裡，

where my first loves are,

我最初的戀情在那裡， 最初的心碎也在那裡。

my first heartbreaks.

I’ve lived in other places

我住過其他地方， 也把那裡當成是家。

and I’ve made them home,

like New York,

比如紐約，我愛上了這個地方， 也在這個地方談了戀愛。

which I’ve fallen in love with --

and in.

But I always felt like my biggest strength

但我一直都覺得，

我最強大的力量來自於

came from the fact that I knew exactly where I came from.

我很清楚知道我來自何方。

And that knowledge was very important to me

知道這一點，對我非常重要，

因為它真的定義了 我是什麼樣的女性。

because it really defines who I am as a woman.

But growing up in Lebanon comes with a price.

但在黎巴嫩長大是有代價的。

I think this tension and this --

我認為這種緊張狀況和這——

what I have between my home country is something I cherish

我和我祖國之間的關係，

我很珍惜，但也是一種擔子。

but it’s also a burden,

because Lebanon is a place with a very contradicting soul.

因為黎巴嫩這個地方 有著非常矛盾的靈魂。

It’s a place filled with chaos and poetry;

這個地方充滿了混亂與詩意；

a place where hope and despair coexist in really strange ways.

希望和絕望以非常奇怪的方式 在這個地方共存著。

It’s also a place where joy and sorrow are inseparable,

在這個地方，喜悅與悲傷 也是不可分離的，

like Khalil Gibran --

比如黎巴嫩詩人卡里‧紀伯倫 在我最愛的一首詩中，

in one of my favorite poems by our national poet,

Khalil Gibran mentions “that well from which comes our laughter

卡里‧紀伯倫寫道：

「那口井是我們笑聲的來源， 也蘊藏著我們的眼淚。」

is also the one that hosts our tears.”

And I think today, more than ever, this is true in Lebanon,

我想，現今的黎巴嫩 比以往更符合這樣的說法，

because after everything that happened,

因為，在發生了這一切之後，

it feels like a land of broken dreams,

它感覺就像是破碎夢想之地，

but filled with so many dreams nonetheless.

但無論如何還是充滿了夢想。

And growing up in Lebanon,

在黎巴嫩長大的過程中，我們經常

we were constantly on the verge of the worst.

身在最糟糕的邊緣。

We felt like that silence between [one] crisis and the other

我們覺得，在一次危機 和下一次危機之間的寂靜，

was almost more agonizing than the crisis itself.

幾乎比危機本身還要讓人痛苦。

And that really defined us as human beings,

那真的就是我們身為人類的特性，

because we really live every day as if it were our last,

因為我們真的把每一天 用最好的方式和最糟的方式，

and that’s in the best and the worst kind of ways.

當作我們的最後一天在過。

I think this is where the screenwriter in me was born:

我想，我內心的劇作家 就是在這裡出生的：

at home in Lebanon,

在黎巴嫩的家鄉，

in the streets at home

在家鄉的街頭，

and the house I grew up in,

在我長大的房子裡，

因為我迷上了

because I became fascinated with human flaws and vulnerabilities

人類的瑕疵和脆弱，以及

and the truth that comes out of us in times of crisis

在危機之中及在壓力之下，

and when we’re put under pressure.

我們會展現出的真實性。

And when at home,

在家裡，我看到我最愛的父母，

when I saw the people I loved the most,

my parents,

be real,

他們很真實，不知怎麼的， 我就會感覺很自在。

I felt free somehow.

It wasn’t always pretty but at least it felt safe,

真實不見得都很美好， 但至少讓我感到安全，

like this is a place where we can be ourselves.

在這個地方，我們可以做自己。

But in 2020,

但，2020 年，

when the pandemic hit the planet,

當疫情襲捲全球，

we all started questioning what home meant.

我們都開始質疑家的意義是什麼。

My parents were architects --

我的父母是建築師—— 現在仍然是，

are architects,

so they also added to what I felt home was to my definition of home.

所以他們也擴充了我對 家的感受、我對家的定義。

Because before following my own dreams --

因為，在追尋我自己的夢想之前——

being a filmmaker --

我夢想成為電影工作者——

I was a good daughter,

我是個好女兒，好女孩， 追尋的是我爸爸的夢想，

a good girl,

and I followed my father’s dreams

我攻讀建築，也完成了學業。

and I studied architecture and finished.

And what I learned in architecture school is how much you can learn about people,

我在建築學校裡學到的是，

你可以了解很多關於人的事、

about their story,

關於他們的故事、關於社會，

about societies through the spaces that they inhabit,

這些都存在於他們居住的空間中、

through every object,

在每樣物品、每個相框、每面牆中，

every frame, every wall,

through the ground,

在地面上，在街道上。

through the streets.

But what do you do

但，當你覺得你腳下的地板 或許撐不住時，你該怎麼做？

when you feel like the ground on which you’re standing might not hold?

In the world of today,

現今的世界充斥著政治的不穩定、

filled with political instability,

climate disasters, where our spaces are constantly ravaged and threatened,

氣候變遷，而我們的空間 經常被蹂躪及威脅，

how do you create a sense of home?

你要如何創造出家的感覺？

2020 年，疫情爆發時，

In 2020 when the pandemic hit,

we all felt --

我們都覺得——或至少我們 當中很幸運有家的那些人——

or at least those of us lucky enough to have homes --

we all went inside,

我們都進到家中， 家變成我們的安全空間。

and that became our safe space.

The outside world became the threat:

外面的世界變成是威脅：

the air, the people.

空氣、人，這隱形的怪獸就在外頭。

This invisible monster was outside.

But as long as you were tucked in your bubble,

但，只要躲在你的泡泡裡， 你就是安全的。

you were safe.

And I’m talking about those of us

我指的這些人是

who are lucky enough not to live locked with an abuser,

被關在家裡時， 很幸運家中沒有虐待者，

victims of domestic abuse.

不是家暴受害者。

So for those of us,

對我們這些人而言， 安全泡泡是在家裡。

the safe bubble was inside.

Or so we thought.

或至少我們這樣認為。

On August 4, 2020 in Lebanon,

2020 年八月四日，在黎巴嫩，

our lives changed.

我們的人生改變了。

In a split of a second,

在短短一瞬間，

one of the largest non-nuclear explosions pulverized our port

最大的非核爆炸之一，

粉碎了我們的港口， 摧毀了我們的半個城市，

and destroyed half our city,

killing many people

導致許多人死亡，家園毀滅，

and destroying homes

and creating losses that we can’t even count until today.

造成的損失至今仍然難以計算。

And there still hasn’t been accountability for what happened,

發生這種事，都還沒有人負責，

even though it was the result of years of political mismanagement and corruption.

即使這是多年來政治 管理不善以及腐敗的結果。

I happened, on that day, to be in Beirut:

那天，我剛好在貝魯特：

in the center of Beirut,

在貝魯特的中心，在辦公室裡，

in the office,

because I was in pre-production for my first feature film,

我正在為我的第一部長片 《垃圾年代》進行前製。

“Costa Brava, Lebanon,”

a film we had been working on for a few years really hard,

我們為這部片努力投入了幾年時間，

and a film that, ironically, is the story of a family that decides to leave Beirut,

諷刺的是，故事講的是一個家庭決定

要離開貝魯特，因為他們 在那裡不再感到安全，

a place that doesn’t feel safe to them anymore

to create a utopic mountain home,

他們要去山中創造烏托邦家園，

a self-sustainable mountain home

在山中自給自足的家園，

away from a city that has broken their hearts.

遠離讓他們心碎的城市。

This is the cast of the film.

這些是電影的演員。

And then what happens

接著發生的事是，

is that their utopia is completely destroyed

他們的烏托邦被完全 摧毀了，因為政府決定

when the government decides

to build an illegal garbage landfill right outside their home,

建造一個非法的垃圾場， 剛好就在他們的家園外面。

bringing that reality to their front door --

把那現實直接帶到他們的家門口——

the one they have been running away from for many years.

多年來，他們一直在躲避的現實。

The family finds itself again confronted to this destruction

這個家庭發現他們要再一次遭遇

他們一直想躲避的毀滅，

that it had been trying to avoid,

facing everything it was trying to protect itself from.

面對他們為了保護自己 而一直試圖躲開的一切。

I was with the crew, the cast and the crew of the film

我當時和電影的工作人員 及演員在一起，

in the office in Gemmayze in Beirut,

我們在貝魯特吉美扎的辦公室裡，

when at six or seven,

在六、七點時，一瞬間，

in the split of a second,

our lives were turned upside down.

我們的人生成了一片混亂。

We went from a creative meeting filled with passion and love

我們本來在開一場創意會議， 滿是熱情、愛，和興奮，

and excitement

to looking for each other under rubble,

突然變成在瓦礫堆下找尋彼此，

wondering if we had all made it alive.

不知道是否大家都活下來了。

Luckily, we did,

我們很幸運都活下來了，

and we were much luckier than a lot of people in the same street.

且我們比同一條街上的 許多人都幸運很多。

My cinematographer, Joe, almost lost his eye

我的攝影技師喬差點失去 一隻眼睛，大家都受傷了。

and everyone was injured.

We got out of the street

我們跑到街上，

and realized that the explosion was not just next to the office,

發現爆炸不只是

在辦公室旁邊，而是每個地方，

but everywhere,

and that’s when we understood how big it was.

此時我們才知道事情有多嚴重。

Walking down the street like zombies around that time,

那時，我們像是 喪屍一樣在街上走著，

surrounded by broken, confused, stunned faces,

周邊都是破碎、困惑、嚇呆的面孔，

felt like walking in the set of a movie I don’t want to direct or be a part of.

感覺就像是走在電影片場， 一部我不想要執導或參與的電影。

Everyone’s homes,

每個人的家、他們的私人空間、 他們的相框、他們的牆壁，

their private spaces,

their frames, their walls,

were dust on which we were walking.

都成了我們走過時腳下的塵土。

We stopped everything at that moment

那一刻，我們的一切都停止了， 因為我們失去了所有的座標：

because we lost all of our coordinates:

all of our sense of home,

所有家的感覺，我們努力的一切。

everything that we had worked for.

So what we did is we just took a moment for two months

我們的做法是，休息兩個月的時間，

and each of us took time to grieve,

每個人都花些時間 來哀悼，評估損失，

to assess the losses,

whether it was the office or all of us.

辦公室，或我們所有人，皆是如此。

Anyway, how can you even think about being creative

你怎麼可能

去思考創意或製作什麼，

or making anything

at a moment where you feel like you’re living hell --

畢竟那時你根本覺得你在地獄——

in the middle of hell?

身在地獄裡？

You cannot create amidst such chaos.

在那樣的混亂當中，不可能創作。

At that moment,

那時，我母親——我那天的英雄，

my mother --

my hero on that day

because it’s only thanks to her that some of us made it to a hospital,

因為靠著她，我們當中的 一些人才有辦法到醫院，

who has lived civil wars --

她是見過戰爭的人——

reminded me of a book I read in architecture school.

這讓我想起我在 建築學校時讀的一本書。

“Invisible Cities” by Italo Calvino.

《看不見的城市》，作者是 伊塔羅‧卡爾維諾。

I’ll read to you the quote that she read to me at that time

讓我讀一段引述， 這是當她看到我和我的團隊

when she saw the despair me and my team were in.

有多絕望時，讀給我聽的。

“The hell of the living is not something that will be.

「活人的地獄並不會在將來。

If there is one,

如果真有活人的地獄， 它已經在這裡了，

it is what is already here,

the hell we live every day, that we make by being together.

我們每天身處的地獄， 我們共同造成的地獄。

There are two ways to escape suffering it.

有兩種方式可以脫離它的苦難。

The first is easy for many:

第一種對許多人而言很容易：

accept the hell,

接受地獄，變成它的一部分， 到你自己也看不見它的程度。

and become such a part of it that you can no longer see it.

The second is risky

第二種很冒險，需要經常提心吊膽，

and demands constant vigilance and apprehension:

seek and learn to recognize who and what, in the midst of hell, are not hell,

在地獄當中，尋找、了解 誰／什麼不是地獄的一部分，

then make them endure, give them space.”

接著讓他／它們更持久， 給他／它們空間。」

Luckily, these people were not too far from me.

幸運的是，這些人離我不遠，

There were the cast and the crew of this film,

就是這部電影的演員和工作人員，

so we met all together and brainstormed.

於是，我們聚在一起做腦力激盪。

We thought, should we make this film or not?

我們在想，我們該不該完成這部片？

It seemed crazy to make anything around that time in Lebanon

在黎巴嫩，要在那段時間 製作什麼都是很瘋狂的事，

because the country was experiencing, until now,

因為這個國家到現在

都還在經歷立國以來 最慘烈的經濟危機，

its worst economic crisis since its inception,

the loss and the destruction

損失和毀滅，以及爆炸後 我們的創傷後壓力症候群，

and the PTSD we were all going through after the explosion

and also the global pandemic,

此外，全球疫情也重挫了黎巴嫩，

which was hitting the country really hard,

which we had almost forgotten about

不過發生這些其他的事， 讓我們幾乎都忘了疫情。

because of everything else that was happening.

But at a moment where existing felt like an act of resistance,

但在這樣的時刻，「存在」 感覺就像是種反抗行為，

we felt like making this movie was very important,

我們覺得在此時製作 這部電影是很重要的事，

because it would mean regaining agency --

因為那就意味著重新取得 能動性——重新取得能動性，

to regain agency

and feel like they haven't taken everything from us.

感覺我們並沒有完全失去一切。

And as Maya Angelou says,

馬雅‧安傑洛所說，

there’s nothing more agonizing

沒有什麼比心中放著一個 未訴說的故事更讓人痛苦了——

than an untold story hanging inside of you --

not directly quoting.

以上非一字不差的引述。

And I think we really needed to regain a sense of order,

我認為我們真的需要 重新找回秩序感，

find our coordinate,

找到我們的座標，家的感覺。

a sense of home.

And like after World War I,

就像一次大戰後，

a lot of European artists went back into classicism,

許多歐洲藝術家回到古典主義，

trying to run away from this feeling of destruction

試圖逃離

戰爭帶來的這種毀滅感，

that the war had brought in

and stepped away from the experimentalism that came before,

離開先前的實驗主義，

I think we used creativity to rebuild those pillars and that order.

我認為我們是用創意 來重建那些支柱和秩序。

So it was a crazy decision,

那是個很瘋狂的決定，但我們做了，

but we did it because we wanted to

因為我們想做，因為 有某種力量推動著我們。

and because something was driving us.

So we went and made the film against all odds.

所以，我們克服萬難， 完成了那部電影。

And it was hard,

過程很辛苦，障礙重重， 但同時也很美麗，

it was filled with obstacles,

but it was beautiful,

because at a moment where we had missed human connection

因為，在我們失去人類連結的時刻，

and at a moment where our societies are becoming more fragile and loveless,

在我們的社會變得 更脆弱且無愛的時刻，

we were able to recreate a moment of warmth,

我們能夠重新創造出溫暖的一刻，

of love and magic,

愛與魔法的一刻，

at a moment where it was hard to find any.

這些，在此時都非常稀有。

And I think that that was very special

我認為那段經歷非常特別， 因為一起說故事，

because telling the story together gave us ...

讓我們……再次有家的感覺。

a sense of home again.

It felt like the set became that safe space,

感覺就像片場變成了 安全空間，變成了家庭。

that family.

And it was as real and as raw as the home I was telling you about.

且它和我剛才說的家 一樣真實、一樣自然。

Because we were all filled with creativity

因為我們都充滿了 創意和創作的慾望，

and a desire to make something,

but we are also grieving and broken.

但我們也很悲傷、破碎。

So that was me again,

所以，我又再一次發現，

realizing the beauty of being surrounded by people as real as me,

身邊都是和我一樣 真實的人有多麼棒，

even if it was not always pretty,

即使真實不見得都很美好，

but it was real.

但，是真實的。

And I think that courage and --

我認為那勇氣及——

we were always told to go to that place that is the place of great pain

別人總是告訴我們，

要到那個巨大痛苦的地方，

because it’s also a place of great inspiration.

因為那也是有強大靈感的地方。

I think that it’s easy to hear and to say,

我認為，聽和說都很容易，

but it’s really hard to achieve.

但要達成真的很難。

I think that courage to go there,

我認為，到那裡的勇氣，

to go where it hurts when you’re so broken,

在你如此破碎時， 要到那麼痛苦的地方，

came to me from those people,

這些演員和工作人員

this cast and crew

that really, really gave me the courage

真的給了我

to want to tell the story

想把故事說出來的勇氣， 並提醒我這有多麼重要。

and reminded me of the importance of it.

And I want to mention also those two girls.

我也想要提一下這兩個女孩。

I actually have twins who played the role of Rim,

我讓雙胞胎來演出琳姆這個角色，

the protagonist of the film,

電影的主角，她們兩人 一起演這個角色。

and they both shared the role.

And I think working with them was a great learning experience for me,

和她們共事對我而言 是很棒的學習經驗，因為

because that’s the beauty of being a filmmaker.

拍電影的美好之處在於

You work with people from different ages

總是能和各種不同年齡、 背景的人共事。

and different backgrounds all the time,

and working with them,

和她們共事，對我們 片場中的所有人而言，

for all of us on set,

was a reminder of the importance of remaining hopeful

是在提醒我們，保有希望

和保持驚奇感的重要性，

and keeping the sense of wonder,

especially for their generation.

特別是為了她們的世代，因為 不論現今我們在為什麼世界而戰，

Because whatever world we’re fighting for today,

they will be able to benefit from.

他們都會從中受益。

And so I know that we all deal with loss and rebuilding a home that we lost

所以，我知道我們都用不同的方式

處理失去和重建家園。

in different ways.

For me, it was through human connection

我的做法是透過人類連結，

and understanding that it wasn't necessarily a space anymore.

並了解到家不再只是一個空間了。

And I think for you it might be something else.

對各位而言可能又不一樣。

We all channel that in different ways.

我們用的方式都不同。

But for me,

但，對我來說，在那

that moment of joy, of sorrow, of freedom,

喜悅、悲傷、自由、創意的時刻，

of creativity,

that moment between the “action” and the “cut,”

在「開始」和「卡」之間的時刻，

that’s what felt like home.

就有家的感覺。

And I’m very grateful for that.

我對此非常感恩。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause and cheers)

（掌聲及歡呼）