Life’s an Obstacle Course — Here’s How To Navigate It | Maryam Banikarim | TED

翻译人员: Fanglin ren 校对人员: Lening Xu

It's 1979, March, in Iran.

那是 1979 年 3 月，在伊朗。

I'm in Niavaran, an affluent neighborhood in the north of Tehran.

我在德黑兰北部的富人社区尼亚瓦兰。

I'm in my bedroom that night, that has Brady Bunch-style wallpaper,

那天晚上我在卧室里， 那里有布雷迪·邦奇风格的壁纸，

Archie comics and Barbies all over the floor.

满地都是阿奇漫画和芭比娃娃。

I'm doing my homework with Fidel, my little Yorkie by my side.

我的小约克犬菲德尔 正陪着我一起做作业。

We live in a Spanish hacienda-style house.

我们住在一栋西班牙庄园风格的房子里。

My grandparents, they live downstairs and we're upstairs.

我的祖父母住楼下， 我们住楼上。

Suddenly, the doorbell.

突然，门铃响了。

My grandmother and her mom are in the kitchen sipping tea,

我的祖母和她妈妈正在厨房里喝茶，

and my grandpa is napping.

我爷爷正在小睡。

"Open the gate!"

“打开大门！”

I hear angry voices, so I run to the balcony

我听到愤怒的声音， 所以我跑到阳台，

and look over to find three armed guards standing at the gate.

发现有三名武装警卫站在门口。

One is jabbing at the door. "Jump the fence!"

一个正在敲门。 “跳过围栏！”

My five-foot-two grandmother, covered in head to toe with a chador,

我的祖母身高五英尺两寸， 从头到脚都裹着一件罩袍，

opens the gate.

打开了大门。

The men were looking for my father's former boss.

这些人正在寻找我父亲的前任老板。

"He's not here," she says calmly.

她平静地说：“他不在这里。”

By this point, I’ve run downstairs, and I’m hiding in her doorway.

此时，我已经跑下楼了， 躲在她的门廊里。

So I can hear everything.

所以我什么都能听见。

They start to move upstairs, and I run back to my room,

他们开始向楼上走， 我跑回我的房间，

我本就该待在那里。

where I should have been all along.

And that's where Maman finds me.

那是妈妈找到我的地方。

I'm pretending to do my homework.

我假装在做作业。

She says stay put,

她说待在原地，

but I'm too anxious and curious to listen.

但我太焦虑和好奇了， 听不进她的话。

So I pick up Fidel under my arm, and I follow her out.

我把菲德尔抱在怀里， 然后跟着她出去。

Suddenly, he squirms out of my arm, and he runs free into the room.

突然间，他从我的手臂里挣脱出来， 然后随意地跑进了房间。

The men, they're disgusted.

那些男人们被这只狗恶心到了。

Some consider dogs, particularly Muslims, to be haram, unclean,

有些人，尤其是穆斯林， 认为狗是哈拉姆、是不洁的，

是西方化的象征。

and a token of westernisation.

After the men leave,

这些人离开后，

I learn that the man they'd been looking for

我得知他们一直在寻找的那个人 在几个小时前曾来过我们家。

had been at our house just a few hours before.

It's not long after when my father and the other executives from the bank

不久之后，我的父亲和银行的其他高管

are rounded up and placed under house arrest.

被围捕并软禁。

A few weeks later, they're released without much explanation.

几周后，他们被释放， 没有过多解释。

And then we learn that my father is going to be blacklisted.

然后我们得知我父亲将被列入黑名单。

So he arranges for us to leave the country.

所以他安排我们离开这个国家。

We think it's temporary, but it's not.

我们认为这是暂时的， 但事实并非如此。

Now, that was not the only time in my life

那不是我生命中唯一一次，

when the Earth would move dramatically beneath my feet.

地球在我脚下急剧移动。

It happened again when I was in college and my father drowned windsurfing.

我上大学时，我父亲在帆板运动时溺亡， 这种情况再次发生。

And then again years later,

又过了几年，

when my mother decided to move back to Iran.

我母亲决定搬回伊朗时。

Through it all, there was really only two choices:

总而言之，只有两种选择：

像球一样向上滚动，

roll up like a ball or compulsively move forward.

或者被迫地向前移动。

Cut to today, when we've all emerged from a global pandemic,

切到今天，当我们从全球疫情中走出来时，

and the hits, they just keep coming.

各种打击，却不断涌现。

Climate change, war, mass shootings, the political divide.

气候变化、战争、 大规模枪击事件、政治分歧。

It's no wonder that we're all feeling overwhelmed, anxious and lonely.

难怪我们都感到不知所措、焦虑和孤独。

And those feelings from my childhood,

我童年时代的那些感觉，

they're back.

又回来了。

So recently, a friend who knows me well pointed out

最近，一位非常了解我的朋友 指出了我的应对机制，

one of my coping mechanisms to me,

我想和你们分享一下， 说不定它能有所帮助。

and I want to share it with you in case it can help.

Instead of seeing life's challenges as an obstacle,

我没有将生活中的挑战视为障碍，

I see them as an obstacle course:

而是将它们视为障碍赛道：

a fascinating array of tests that I'm curious to see if I can pass.

一系列引人入胜的测试， 我很想知道自己能否通过。

And the goal, it's always to find a way to push through

目标是无论我在何处，

都要找到一种方法来 突破自我，找到归属感。

and find belonging wherever I land.

Now back to the Iranian Revolution

现在回到伊朗革命，

and the first major hurdle in my obstacle course.

我障碍赛中的第一个主要障碍。

I end up finishing sixth grade in Paris.

我最终在巴黎读完六年级。

And when it becomes clear that the revolution is here to stay,

当革命显然会持续下去时，

my parents decide that we're going to move to California.

我的父母决定搬到加利福尼亚。

They pick a bucolic suburb of San Francisco as our new hometown,

他们选择旧金山的田园郊区 作为我们的新家，

and here they hope that we're going to fit in and get a good education.

他们希望我们能够适应 并接受良好的教育。

In the scheme of things, we were the lucky ones.

从事情的发展来看，我们是幸运的。

I spoke English fluently thanks to my American school in Iran.

多亏了我在伊朗的美国学校， 我的英语说得很流利。

My parents, who were westernized professionals,

我的父母都是西方化的专业人士，

also spoke English,

他们也会说英语， 尽管他们有一点口音。

albeit they had a slight accent.

We Americanized our names,

我们把名字美国化了，

a common immigrant rite of passage.

这是一种常见的移民通行仪式。

Maryam becomes Mary,

玛丽亚姆（Maryam）变成 玛丽（Mary），

Giti becomes Kathy,

佳提（Giti）变成凯西（Kathy），

Shabnam becomes Susie, and so on.

沙布南（Shabnam）变成 苏西（Susie,），依此类推。

But fit in,

但是我们并没有彻底融入当地社会。

not so much.

"Did you ride a camel to school?"

“你骑骆驼上学吗？”

Another classmate nicknamed me “Khomeini.”

另一位同学给我起了个绰号 “霍梅尼”。

It stung.

我特别难受。

But I pushed those hurt feelings aside,

但是我把那些痛苦的情绪放在一边，

and I started tackling that obstacle course by joining.

我开始通过加入的方式来克服障碍。

I joined everything,

无论我的知识水平或天赋如何， 我加入了所有队伍。

regardless of my level of knowledge or talent.

Basketball. Softball. Bowling.

篮球，垒球，保龄球。

Let me tell you, I was a really, really bad bowler.

我要告诉你，我是一个 非常非常糟糕的投球手。

Sometimes these things worked out, sometimes they didn't.

有时候这些事情奏效了，有时候没有。

In junior high, I was mesmerized by the cheerleaders

初中时，我被拉拉队所吸引，

who were clearly at the top of the social hierarchy.

他们显然处于社会等级的顶端。

When I got to high school, I auditioned, but I didn't make it.

上高中时，我去试镜，但没成功。

Oh well, next year.

哦好吧，明年再战。

So I audition again. And this year I make it.

所以我又试镜了，这次成功了。

By the time I'm a senior, I'm included in a lot of different groups.

大四时，我已加入很多不同的团体。

But my people, they were the brainy kids in AP government

我的朋友们是美联社政府 和校报上的聪明孩子。

and on the school newspaper.

Joining and doing and being undaunted by obstacles,

加入并坚持不懈地面对障碍，

this is an attitude I take with me to college.

这是我上大学时的心态。

During orientation week, I sign up for everything,

在迎新周期间，我会报名参加所有活动、

every event and every club.

所有俱乐部的活动。

When a senior says in passing, "You should run for class president,"

当一位大四学生顺便说一 句 “你应该竞选班长” 时，

I do, and I win.

我做了，然后我赢了。

At Barnard College and in New York City,

在巴纳德学院和纽约市，

I find my voice

我找到了自己的声音，

because here, being a misfit, curious and determined to make your mark,

因为在这里，作为一个不合群的人， 好奇心和决心将使你留下印记，

it's the norm.

这是常态。

Soon I take on a range of internships,

不久我将参加一系列实习，

and I'm throwing parties at downtown nightclubs.

并将在市中心的夜总会举办派对。

Because I'm looking for success and belonging

因为无论我身处何种体系， 我都在寻求成功和归属感。

in whatever system I find myself in.

For my professional life, I begin the climb on the ladder

我的职业生涯，

从麦迪逊大道的一家广告公司开始起步，

at a Madison Avenue advertising agency,

and over the last 25 years,

在过去的 25 年中，

I've successfully navigated this obstacle course,

我成功地穿越了这个 由荣誉和头衔定义的障碍赛道，

as defined by accolades and titles, with major executive roles

并在媒体、酒店和科技领域 担任过重要的管理职务。

in media, hospitality and tech.

But I still hadn’t really found what I was looking for.

但是我还没有真正找到 我想要的东西。

Because success I’d achieved,

我取得了成功，

but it didn't translate into belonging.

但这并没有转化为归属感。

And I'm going to tell you a story.

我要给你讲一个故事。

I got a lot where this one came from, just by way of example.

举个例子，我从这个地方得到了很多。

It's March 2007.

现在是 2007 年 3 月。

I'm the chief marketing officer at a major media company,

我是一家大型媒体公司的首席营销官，

and we're sold.

我们被出售了。

The new CEO comes in,

新任首席执行官上任了,

and he scraps the plans for our TV upfront.

他提前取消了我们电视投放计划。

He puts me in charge of a project that takes a year of planning,

他让我负责一个需要一年规划的项目，

and I have six weeks to basically produce

我有六周的时间为广告商制作一个 为期一天的类似百老汇的节目。

a one-day Broadway-like show for advertisers.

The upfront, it is a major hit,

坦率地说，它大受欢迎,

and it makes him a hero.

这使他成为英雄。

To thank me, he sends me a bouquet of flowers,

为了感谢我，他给我送了一束鲜花，

and then a few weeks later,

几周后，在政治上有利的时，

when it was politically expedient,

he demoted me.

他把我降级。

So here's the thing.

所以问题就在这里。

You can overdeliver on that obstacle course,

你可以在那个障碍赛道上超速运转，

and the Earth, it can move beneath your feet at any time.

而地球，它可以随时在你的脚下移动。

Because success doesn’t mean

因为成功并不意味着

you're not going to get thrown off the lifeboat.

你不会被赶下救生艇。

And since I still hadn't realized

由于我还没有意识到通过工作获得归属感

that belonging through work wasn't going to be a thing necessarily for me,

对我来说并不一定必要，

I just kept at it, determined to figure out this puzzle.

所以我坚持下去， 决心要找出这个难题。

One big job after the next.

一项接着一项的艰巨工作。

And then something happened.

然后发生了一些事情。

It was February of 2020.

那是 2020 年 2 月。

I was an executive at a tech company,

我在一家科技公司担任高管，

on the executive team,

and the pandemic hit.

疫情爆发了。

I was in New York, and New York got hit with COVID early and hard,

我当时在纽约， 纽约很早就受到了疫情的严重打击，

and by the summer people started saying, my city, New York, was dead.

到了夏天，人们开始说， 我的城市，纽约已经死了。

And my coping mechanisms, they kicked right in.

所以我的应对机制， 它们马上就警惕了。

I joined forces with friends, and we started New York City Next:

我和朋友们联手成立了 New York City Next：

an all-volunteer organization

一个全是志愿者的组织，

to bring hope and joy back to New York City.

旨在将希望和欢乐带回纽约市。

In five weeks, we tackled a lot of hurdles,

在五周内，我们克服了许多障碍，

and we brought together 24 award-winning Broadway performers

召集了 24 位获奖的百老汇表演者，

to sing "Sunday" from "Sunday in the Park with George."

演唱了 《星期天与乔治同游公园》中的“星期日”。

It blew up on social and got coverage around the world.

它在社交平台上爆火， 并在世界各地得到报道。

And we reminded ourselves and the world that New York was very much alive.

我们提醒自己和全世界，纽约还活着。

I remember that that day,

我记得那一天，

as I stood in Times Square with the other volunteers,

当我和其他志愿者一起站在时代广场时，

I was thinking to myself, "How did I, an immigrant girl, get here?"

我心想：“作为一个移民女孩， 我是怎么来到这里的？”

Well, the answer is that in my search for belonging,

好吧，答案是， 在我追求归属感的过程中，

I had built a community just across my different worlds.

In joining and doing,

在加入和行动中，

prioritizing relationships over politics,

将关系置于政治之上，

I had built a community that I could now draw on,

我建立了一个现在可以利用的社区，

and together we produced 14 pop-up events

我们共同制作了 14 场快闪活动

and a music video of Billy Joel's "New York State of Mind."

和比利·乔尔的《纽约心态》的音乐视频。

It was a love letter that featured iconic New Yorkers

这是一封情书， 描绘了五个行政区的标志性纽约人，

across the five boroughs,

and it celebrated the city's creativity, diversity and energy.

它赞美了这座城市的创造力、多样性和活力。

And you know what? It went on to win an Emmy.

你知道吗？它后来赢得了艾美奖。

So in coming together to help, we found success.

在团结起来提供帮助的过程中， 我们取得了成功。

But I also found belonging and community.

但我也找到了归属感和社区。

My kids, Natasha and Nicky,

我的孩子娜塔莎和尼基很快提醒我，

they are quick to remind me

that not all my coping mechanisms are for everyone

并不是我所有的应对机制都适合所有人，

or particularly healthy,

也不是特别健康，

like compartmentalizing my feelings.

就像划分我的感情。

But treating obstacles as an obstacle course,

但是把障碍物当作障碍赛

that's fared me well.

对我来说效果很好。

As we emerge out of this collective trauma that’s COVID,

当我们摆脱疫情这一集体创伤时，

it is not surprising that feelings of non-belonging, loss and disconnection

不归属感、失落感和脱离感 达到历史最高水平，

are at an all-time high.

Those are feelings that were usually reserved for refugees and immigrants.

这些感情通常只留给难民和移民。

But today, 68 percent of Americans

但是今天，

are reporting feelings of non-belonging in the nation,

有 68％ 的美国人表示对国家没有归属感，

74 percent in their local communities.

74％ 的人在当地社区。

And one in two reports feeling some form of loneliness.

有二分之一的人感到某种形式的孤独。

And here's the thing. I know loneliness. It's just an obstacle course.

事情就是这样。我知道孤独。

这只是一个障碍赛道。

So I see a picture of neighbors gathered together for a shared meal on the street.

所以我看到一张邻居聚在一起， 在街上共进晚餐的照片。

It gives me an idea.

它使我产生一个想法。

I post, "What if we gathered with the neighbors we've gotten to know

我发帖说：“如果我们和认识的邻居

and those we don't know?"

和不认识的邻居聚在一起会怎么样？”

I end up meeting some neighbors,

最后我遇到了一些邻居，

and we hack together what we called The Longest Table:

然后我们一起破解了 我们所谓的最长的桌子：

a table event down West 21st Street in Chelsea, New York.

在纽约切尔西西 21 街举行的餐桌活动。

The proposition was simple:

这个提议很简单：

we’d bring the tables and chairs,

我们会带桌子和椅子，

and we invited neighbors to bring friends and food.

然后邀请邻居带朋友和食物。

The first year, 500 neighbors showed up.

第一年，有 500 个邻居出现了。

The second year, over 700.

第二年，超过 700 个。

In coming together, we were successful,

在一起，我们取得了成功，

but we all found community, belonging and, in fact, joy.

我们都找到了社区、归属感， 实际上是快乐。

Now things can feel big and overwhelming.

现在，有些事情可能会让人 感到巨大和不知所措。

But when that Earth moves beneath your feet,

但是，当地球在你的脚下移动时，

remember: it's not an obstacle,

请记住：它不是障碍物，

it's just an obstacle course.

它只是一个障碍赛道。

Thank you.

谢谢。

(Applause)

（掌声）