Life’s an Obstacle Course — Here’s How To Navigate It | Maryam Banikarim | TED

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Shelley Tsang 曾雯海

It's 1979, March, in Iran.

回到 1979 年三月的伊朗。

I'm in Niavaran, an affluent neighborhood in the north of Tehran.

我人在尼亞瓦蘭，那是 德黑蘭北部的富裕鄰里。

I'm in my bedroom that night, that has Brady Bunch-style wallpaper,

那晚，我在我的臥室，牆上 貼著《脫線家族》風格的壁紙，

滿地都是阿奇出版的 漫畫和芭比娃娃。

Archie comics and Barbies all over the floor.

I'm doing my homework with Fidel, my little Yorkie by my side.

我在寫功課，費多， 我的小約克夏，在我旁邊。

We live in a Spanish hacienda-style house.

我們住在西班牙莊園風格的房子裡。

My grandparents, they live downstairs and we're upstairs.

我的祖父母住在樓下， 我們住在樓上。

Suddenly, the doorbell.

突然，門鈴響了。

My grandmother and her mom are in the kitchen sipping tea,

我的祖母和她的母親在廚房裡飲茶，

and my grandpa is napping.

我的祖父在打盹。

"Open the gate!"

「打開大門！」

I hear angry voices, so I run to the balcony

我聽到憤怒的聲音， 於是我跑到陽台張望，看到

and look over to find three armed guards standing at the gate.

大門外站了三名武裝警衛。

One is jabbing at the door. "Jump the fence!"

一個警衛在猛敲門。

「翻過柵欄！」

My five-foot-two grandmother, covered in head to toe with a chador,

我不到一百六十公分的祖母 從頭到腳包著黑袍，

opens the gate.

她打開了門。

The men were looking for my father's former boss.

那些人在找我父親的前老闆。

"He's not here," she says calmly.

她冷靜地說：「他不在這裡。」

By this point, I’ve run downstairs, and I’m hiding in her doorway.

此時，

我已經跑下樓了，我躲在她的門口。

So I can hear everything.

所以我全都聽得到。

They start to move upstairs, and I run back to my room,

他們開始朝樓上移動， 我則跑回我的房間，

where I should have been all along.

我本來就該一直待在房間裡。

我母親在那裡找到我。

And that's where Maman finds me.

I'm pretending to do my homework.

我假裝在寫功課。

She says stay put,

她叫我別亂跑，

but I'm too anxious and curious to listen.

但我太焦慮且太好奇了， 忍不住想去聽聽。

So I pick up Fidel under my arm, and I follow her out.

於是我把費多抱在懷裡，

跟著她出去。

Suddenly, he squirms out of my arm, and he runs free into the room.

突然間，

費多掙脫了我的手臂， 亂跑進房間裡。

那些男人，他們感到很反感。

The men, they're disgusted.

Some consider dogs, particularly Muslims, to be haram, unclean,

有些人，特別是穆斯林， 認為狗是禁止的、不乾淨的，

and a token of westernisation.

且是西化的象徵。

After the men leave,

那些人離開後，

I learn that the man they'd been looking for

我得知他們在找的男子 幾小時前還曾在我們的房子裡。

had been at our house just a few hours before.

It's not long after when my father and the other executives from the bank

沒多久後，

我父親和銀行的其他主管 都被圍捕並軟禁在家中。

are rounded up and placed under house arrest.

幾週後，他們被釋放， 沒有什麼解釋。

A few weeks later, they're released without much explanation.

And then we learn that my father is going to be blacklisted.

接著我們得知我父親 會被列入黑名單。

So he arranges for us to leave the country.

所以他安排我們離開這個國家。

We think it's temporary, but it's not.

我們以為是暫時性的，但並不是。

那並不是我人生中唯一 一次天翻地覆的經歷。

Now, that was not the only time in my life

when the Earth would move dramatically beneath my feet.

It happened again when I was in college and my father drowned windsurfing.

第二次是我在讀大學時，

我父親在風帆衝浪時溺水了。

And then again years later,

幾年後又發生了一次， 那時我母親決定搬回伊朗。

when my mother decided to move back to Iran.

Through it all, there was really only two choices:

在這一切當中，其實只有兩個選擇：

roll up like a ball or compulsively move forward.

像球一樣滾動，

或被強制推著向前走。

Cut to today, when we've all emerged from a global pandemic,

回到現今，我們都擺脫了全球疫情，

and the hits, they just keep coming.

而打擊，它們還是不斷來襲。

Climate change, war, mass shootings, the political divide.

氣候變遷、戰爭、 大規模槍擊、政治分裂。

也難怪我們大家都感到 不知所措、焦慮，且很孤單。

It's no wonder that we're all feeling overwhelmed, anxious and lonely.

And those feelings from my childhood,

而我兒時經歷的這些感受，

they're back.

它們又回來了。

So recently, a friend who knows me well pointed out

最近，很了解我的一位朋友

向我指出我的一種因應機制，

one of my coping mechanisms to me,

and I want to share it with you in case it can help.

我想跟大家分享，說不定會有助益。

Instead of seeing life's challenges as an obstacle,

我沒有把人生的挑戰視為障礙，

I see them as an obstacle course:

我把它們視為障礙賽：

a fascinating array of tests that I'm curious to see if I can pass.

一系列很炫的關卡，我很好奇 想知道我是否能破關。

And the goal, it's always to find a way to push through

目標則一直都是 找到一條突破的出路，

and find belonging wherever I land.

不論我落在何處，都要找到歸屬。

Now back to the Iranian Revolution

回到伊朗革命，

and the first major hurdle in my obstacle course.

以及我的障礙賽中的第一個大跳欄。

I end up finishing sixth grade in Paris.

我最後在巴黎讀完六年級。

And when it becomes clear that the revolution is here to stay,

當很明顯革命會持續下去時，

my parents decide that we're going to move to California.

我的父母決定我們要搬到加州。

They pick a bucolic suburb of San Francisco as our new hometown,

他們在舊金山挑了一個鄉村 近郊區當作我們的新家鄉，

and here they hope that we're going to fit in and get a good education.

他們希望我們能融入這裡，

得到好的教育。

In the scheme of things, we were the lucky ones.

整體來看，我們是幸運的。

I spoke English fluently thanks to my American school in Iran.

多虧我在伊朗讀的美國學校， 讓我能說流利的英語。

My parents, who were westernized professionals,

我的父母都是西化的專業人士，

also spoke English,

也都會說英語，

albeit they had a slight accent.

只是有一點點口音。

We Americanized our names,

我們把我們的名字美國化了，

a common immigrant rite of passage.

這是常見的移民成長過程儀式。

Maryam becomes Mary,

瑪莉安姆改成瑪莉，

Giti becomes Kathy,

吉提改成凱西，

Shabnam becomes Susie, and so on.

夏布南改成蘇西，諸如此類。

But fit in,

但，融入，

not so much.

不太能。

"Did you ride a camel to school?"

「你騎駱駝去上學嗎？」

Another classmate nicknamed me “Khomeini.”

另一個同學給我取的綽號叫「何梅尼」。

It stung.

很傷人。

But I pushed those hurt feelings aside,

但我把那些痛苦的感受推到一旁，

and I started tackling that obstacle course by joining.

我開始用加入參與的方式 來對付那場障礙賽。

I joined everything,

我什麼都參與，

regardless of my level of knowledge or talent.

不論我的知識或天賦程度如何。

Basketball. Softball. Bowling.

籃球、壘球、保齡球。

Let me tell you, I was a really, really bad bowler.

告訴各位，我的保齡球打得非常爛。

Sometimes these things worked out, sometimes they didn't.

有些時候這些事情能解決， 有些時候不能。

In junior high, I was mesmerized by the cheerleaders

國中時，啦啦隊讓我好著迷，

who were clearly at the top of the social hierarchy.

啦啦隊肯定是位在社會階層的頂層。

When I got to high school, I auditioned, but I didn't make it.

上高中後，我去面試，

但沒有被選上。

Oh well, next year.

那就明年吧。

So I audition again. And this year I make it.

我又去面試了，這年，我入選了。

By the time I'm a senior, I'm included in a lot of different groups.

我高三時，我進入了 許多不同的團體。

But my people, they were the brainy kids in AP government

但我的同學們，

他們是上先修政府課程的 聰明孩子和做校刊的成員。

and on the school newspaper.

Joining and doing and being undaunted by obstacles,

參與，去做，

不懼怕障礙，

this is an attitude I take with me to college.

我帶著這種態度進入大學。

During orientation week, I sign up for everything,

在迎新週，我什麼都報名參加，

every event and every club.

所有的活動和所有的社團。

When a senior says in passing, "You should run for class president,"

當一位大四生隨口說：

「你應該競選班長。」

I do, and I win.

我就做了，還選上了。

在巴納德學院和在紐約市，

At Barnard College and in New York City,

I find my voice

我找到了我的聲音，

because here, being a misfit, curious and determined to make your mark,

因為在這裡，身為格格不入的人，

擁有好奇心且下定決心要嶄露頭角，

it's the norm.

那是常態。

Soon I take on a range of internships,

很快，我就參與了各種實習，

and I'm throwing parties at downtown nightclubs.

我在市中心的夜店辦派對。

Because I'm looking for success and belonging

因為我在尋找成功和歸屬，

in whatever system I find myself in.

不論我身處在什麼 體系中，都會這麼做。

For my professional life, I begin the climb on the ladder

至於我的職業生涯，

我在麥迪遜大道的一家 廣告公司中不斷向上爬，

at a Madison Avenue advertising agency,

and over the last 25 years,

在過去二十五年間，

I've successfully navigated this obstacle course,

我在這場障礙賽裡成功破關，

這裡指的成功是用 讚譽和頭銜來定義，

as defined by accolades and titles, with major executive roles

在媒體業、餐旅業，和科技業 擔任重要的主管角色。

in media, hospitality and tech.

But I still hadn’t really found what I was looking for.

但我還沒有真的找到我在找的東西。

Because success I’d achieved,

因為雖然我取得成功，

but it didn't translate into belonging.

但它並沒有轉化為歸屬感。

And I'm going to tell you a story.

我要跟大家說個故事。

I got a lot where this one came from, just by way of example.

我有很多這類例子， 這只是其中之一。

It's March 2007.

時間是 2007 年三月，

我在一間大型媒體公司擔任行銷長，

I'm the chief marketing officer at a major media company,

and we're sold.

公司被賣掉了。

The new CEO comes in,

新的執行長進駐，

and he scraps the plans for our TV upfront.

他取消了我們的電視預告計畫。

He puts me in charge of a project that takes a year of planning,

他讓我負責一個需要一年 來規劃的專案計畫，

and I have six weeks to basically produce

而我有六週的時間，

基本上要為廣告商做出 一場類似百老匯的一日秀。

a one-day Broadway-like show for advertisers.

The upfront, it is a major hit,

結果預告大成功，

and it makes him a hero.

讓他成了英雄。

To thank me, he sends me a bouquet of flowers,

為了感謝我，他送了我一束鮮花。

and then a few weeks later,

接著，幾週後，

when it was politically expedient,

在政治上對他有利時， 他把我降級了。

he demoted me.

So here's the thing.

所以，重點來了。

You can overdeliver on that obstacle course,

你在障礙賽中可以表現超凡，

and the Earth, it can move beneath your feet at any time.

但隨時還是有可能天翻地覆。

Because success doesn’t mean

因為成功，

並不表示你就不會被推下救生艇。

you're not going to get thrown off the lifeboat.

And since I still hadn't realized

因為那時我還不明白

that belonging through work wasn't going to be a thing necessarily for me,

透過工作得到的歸屬感 不見得是適合我的，

I just kept at it, determined to figure out this puzzle.

所以我就繼續堅持， 堅決要搞懂這個謎。

One big job after the next.

一份又一份重大的工作。

And then something happened.

接著，發生了一件事。

It was February of 2020.

在 2020 年二月，

I was an executive at a tech company,

我在一間科技公司擔任主管，

on the executive team,

我管的是管理團隊， 此時疫情爆發了。

and the pandemic hit.

I was in New York, and New York got hit with COVID early and hard,

我當時在紐約，紐約 很早就出現嚴重的疫情，

and by the summer people started saying, my city, New York, was dead.

到夏天時，大家開始說， 我的城市（紐約）已死。

而我的因應機制馬上就啟動了。

And my coping mechanisms, they kicked right in.

I joined forces with friends, and we started New York City Next:

我和朋友聯手成立了 「New York City Next」：

an all-volunteer organization

是個全由志工組成的組織， 旨在將希望與喜悅帶回紐約市。

to bring hope and joy back to New York City.

In five weeks, we tackled a lot of hurdles,

在五週內，我們躍過了許多跳欄，

and we brought together 24 award-winning Broadway performers

我們集合了二十四名 得過獎的百老匯表演者

to sing "Sunday" from "Sunday in the Park with George."

來演唱《星期天與喬治同遊 公園 》中的「星期天」，

It blew up on social and got coverage around the world.

它在社群媒體上爆紅， 且被全世界報導。

And we reminded ourselves and the world that New York was very much alive.

我們提醒了自己及全世界， 紐約還非常健在。

我還記得那一天， 我站在時代廣場上，

I remember that that day,

as I stood in Times Square with the other volunteers,

還有其他志工也在場，

I was thinking to myself, "How did I, an immigrant girl, get here?"

我心裡在想：

「我這個移民女孩 是怎麼走到這一步的？」

Well, the answer is that in my search for belonging,

答案是，在我尋找歸屬感的過程中，

I had built a community just across my different worlds.

我已經建立了一個社群， 跨越了我的不同領域。

In joining and doing,

透過加入參與和起而行，

prioritizing relationships over politics,

把關係擺在政治之前，

I had built a community that I could now draw on,

我已經建立了一個 我現在可以仰賴的社群，

and together we produced 14 pop-up events

我們同心協力製作了 十四場快閃活動，

and a music video of Billy Joel's "New York State of Mind."

以及比利‧喬的《紐約心境》的 MV。

It was a love letter that featured iconic New Yorkers

它是封情書，主打五個 行政區的標誌性紐約人，

across the five boroughs,

and it celebrated the city's creativity, diversity and energy.

它讚頌的是該城市的創意、

多樣性，以及活力。

And you know what? It went on to win an Emmy.

猜猜如何？它後來得了艾美獎。

So in coming together to help, we found success.

在團結起來助人的過程中， 我們找到了成功。

But I also found belonging and community.

但我也找到了歸屬感和社群。

My kids, Natasha and Nicky,

我的孩子娜塔夏和尼基，

they are quick to remind me

他們會很快提醒我，

that not all my coping mechanisms are for everyone

我的因應機制並非全都適用所有人，

or particularly healthy,

也並非都相當健康的機制，

like compartmentalizing my feelings.

比如隔離我的感受。

But treating obstacles as an obstacle course,

但把障礙視為障礙賽，

that's fared me well.

對我的效果挺好。

As we emerge out of this collective trauma that’s COVID,

隨著我們脫離新冠肺炎 疫情這個集體創傷，

it is not surprising that feelings of non-belonging, loss and disconnection

並不意外，

沒有歸屬、

失去，和斷開連結的 感受都達到高峰。

are at an all-time high.

Those are feelings that were usually reserved for refugees and immigrants.

通常會有這些感受的人 主要都是難民和移民。

但現今，68% 的美國人

But today, 68 percent of Americans

are reporting feelings of non-belonging in the nation,

表示他們覺得自己不屬於美國。

74 percent in their local communities.

74% 覺得自己不屬於 他們當地的社區。

And one in two reports feeling some form of loneliness.

且有一半的人表示 感覺到某種形式的寂寞。

And here's the thing. I know loneliness. It's just an obstacle course.

重點是，我懂寂寞的感覺。

它只是場障礙賽。

So I see a picture of neighbors gathered together for a shared meal on the street.

我看到一張照片， 是鄰居在街上聚餐。

It gives me an idea.

它給了我一個點子。

I post, "What if we gathered with the neighbors we've gotten to know

我貼文說：

「我們和已經認識及還不認識的 鄰居來聚聚，如何？」

and those we don't know?"

I end up meeting some neighbors,

最後，我和一些鄰居見了面，

and we hack together what we called The Longest Table:

我們一起創造了我們所稱的 「最長的桌子」：

a table event down West 21st Street in Chelsea, New York.

在紐約雀兒喜西二十一街上 舉辦的餐桌活動。

The proposition was simple:

活動的提議很簡單：

we’d bring the tables and chairs,

我們會帶桌子和椅子，

and we invited neighbors to bring friends and food.

然後我們邀請鄰居帶朋友和食物來。

The first year, 500 neighbors showed up.

第一年，來了五百個鄰居。

The second year, over 700.

第二年，超過七百個。

In coming together, we were successful,

聚集在一起，我們取得了成功，

but we all found community, belonging and, in fact, joy.

但我們都找到了社群、歸屬感，

且，實際上，還有喜悅。

Now things can feel big and overwhelming.

有些事感覺很巨大且讓人難以招架，

But when that Earth moves beneath your feet,

但當你的世界天翻地覆時，

remember: it's not an obstacle,

切記：那不是個障礙 ，

it's just an obstacle course.

只是一場障礙賽。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）