How to Find Humor in Life's Absurdity | Maira Kalman | TED

53,451 views ・ 2023-12-07

TED


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Every day
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I speak to my beautiful and brilliant cousin Orna,
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who lives in Israel.
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In normal times, we talk about which cousin is the bigger idiot,
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which honey cake recipe to use,
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which books we're reading,
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the family stories from Belarus --
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this is not Orna, these are other people in Belarus.
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The conversations are a beacon for me,
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and they fill my soul and enter my books.
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The other day, Orna brought up a Romanian philosopher named Emil Cioran.
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He was a miserable insomniac
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who drove everyone nuts because of this.
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(Laughter)
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That's actually my favorite book of his,
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but the better title, the more accurate translation,
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is "On the Inconvenience of Being Born."
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(Laughter)
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So he was relentless in talking about how horrible it was to be alive.
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And he did this until the age of 85, when he died, which is incredibly ironic.
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(Laughter)
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But I must give him credit.
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He does bring up the essential dilemma:
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why are we here, for what purpose?
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But today, I don't really want to dwell on the morose.
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Let's talk about other things.
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That's not the right slide.
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(Laughter)
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That's the right slide.
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[On death]
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(Laughter)
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So here's Proust.
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Dead, obviously --
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or you think he's sleeping, but he's dead --
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from a series of paintings that I’ve done called “Dead in Bed,”
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which includes Tolstoy and Chekhov, of course.
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In normal times --
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and these are not normal times,
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these are grim times when the world is awash in war and killing --
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but in normal times, I have a routine.
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In the early morning hours, with a strong cup of coffee,
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I read the obituaries.
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The infusion of coffee and biography affords me a way to reflect.
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And it might seem too soon in the day to start with such a tremendous topic.
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But it is a jolt to action
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because it reminds me how fragile
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and how vulnerable we all are,
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and how quickly our lives can end.
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The night is different.
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Then I watch an endless stream of murder mysteries,
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preferably British.
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Watching them is the kind of solace.
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I call this the murder and mint chip portion of the day.
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(Laughter)
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We have a problem, we solve the problem.
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People seem briefly upset by the murders,
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so many in every episode.
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But there is no time to brood
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because they have to film the next episode.
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And they all seem to say, “Get on with it.”
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And the idea of prevailing over evil
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is my lullaby, and I sleep.
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But what of the day that lies ahead?
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Every one of us invents the day.
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Every single day is invented.
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The actual first day was 13.8 billion years ago, more or less.
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And maybe with the information from the Webb telescope,
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we can actually see the beginning of time,
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which is an incomprehensible idea, of course.
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But what does that perspective afford us
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when contemplating which tutu to wear
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or which insult to respond to
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or what book to write?
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Sometimes the day is too long, excruciatingly long,
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and I get out of bed, I look longingly at the bed
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and I say to the bed,
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I will be back soon.
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(Laughter)
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And in between, there are things to know
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and things to not know.
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Here is a map of the United States
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made from memory by my mother, Sarah.
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(Laughter)
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Sarah was the dean of American history at Harvard.
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(Laughter)
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Actually not.
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(Laughter)
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Her family fled the pogroms of Belarus for Palestine in the 1930s,
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and in 1954 our family moved to New York City.
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Her acute sense of the absurd permeated everything in our life
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in the best way possible.
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This map for me is the gold standard of knowledge.
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Knowledge as imagination, knowledge as humor,
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knowledge as not giving a damn
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what the correct answer is to anything, ever.
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(Laughter and applause)
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Sarah, this is Sarah, did not speak that much.
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Really, she was of few words, and we really listened to her.
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And what are the obvious assets of not speaking?
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So many.
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No worries about repeating yourself or boring others.
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(Laughter)
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Or boring yourself or being misunderstood.
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No regrets of having said something inconsiderate or too considerate,
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or too banal or too provocative,
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or just plain stupid and altogether insufferable.
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That is what happens when we speak,
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it is inevitable.
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No justification at all for saying much of what we say.
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And if we examine this notion to its ultimate conclusion,
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obviously the answer is no more dinner parties.
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(Laughter)
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“Wait,” you say, “None at all?
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What if the Tolstoys invite me?” who are pictured here.
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“Sure, but have you hung out with the Tolstoys?”
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"Or what if Antony and Cleopatra invite me?
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Should I attend?"
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“OK,” I say. “But at your own peril.
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You know what happened to them.”
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(Laughter)
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On the other hand,
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if you are invited,
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and let's just say, it's really lovely to be invited,
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you never know what you're going to see that will be a painting,
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or hear, that might be a story,
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some fragment, some gesture,
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an image of a dog sitting on a green chair
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in front of radishes and flowers.
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And let's not forget connectedness, congeniality, conviviality,
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camaraderie,
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bonhomie, merriment, laughter.
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What is wrong with that?
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Nothing, absolutely nothing.
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(Applause)
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I used to be ashamed of my inconsistencies.
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Now I revel in them.
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Everything is in conflict,
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everything has an opposite,
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you are not bound to be one thing,
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a truly liberating notion for me.
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You might tell the truth or you might lie.
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You might be kind or unkind,
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selfish or generous, quick or thick.
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And in the midst of that confusion and that tumult,
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the work blossoms.
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To have meaningful work is a salvation,
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and one of my greatest pleasures is to stare at things,
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and my children always say that I get too close to people, strangers on the street,
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and just stare at them, at their features,
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because I'm so entranced.
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So I have to be pulled away a little bit.
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But then I can go into my studio and report on what I have encountered.
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And then, as a bonus, the bliss of mixing colors,
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of being alone and listening to music and going into another world.
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Here is a painting from a visit that I did to Cézanne's studio.
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The walls are painted gray.
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This is the recipe for any of those who need it:
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black, white, ochre and aquamarine.
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Now, as a talisman,
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every painting I do includes Cézanne gray.
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Writing, of course, is different.
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Finding the idea,
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plucking a word out of the air.
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But which word?
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And then a sentence, but which sentence?
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And then a paragraph, and which paragraph?
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And it never stops, so many words.
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I could not live without both painting and writing,
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and one supports the other in obvious ways.
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In both, the struggle is invisible but palpable.
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I say the tears are invisible, but they're definitely there.
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How do I deal with never good enough?
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Easy.
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[On self-loathing]
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(Laughter)
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“Self-loathing” is a truly ugly expression,
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but it is an unavoidable condition.
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The crushing anxiety of not getting it right,
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of not finding the truth,
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of feeling worthless.
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If you look at it one way,
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it could be helpful to have doubt and dismay.
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Plowing through the muck of despair
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leads to a sense of humanism and perseverance.
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On the other hand,
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how absurd and tedious to be in the grips of self-doubt.
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What a waste of time, that insidious insecurity.
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What of finding your work and your place on Earth?
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What of self-confidence?
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What of the bliss of finding the right color or the right word?
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What of sheer joy?
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What is wrong with that?
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Nothing, absolutely nothing.
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After reading the obituaries, I go for a walk,
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which is a salvation.
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Here is Robert Walser,
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who wrote one of my favorite books called "The Walk,"
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which I highly suggest you read.
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Walking and not thinking is the favorite state.
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An empty brain, which I call my best brain,
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is the only way to have any ideas, to allow surprises to appear.
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“Solvitur ambulando,” they thought of this before I did, long ago.
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Walking solves all problems without trying.
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Walking leads to the pleasure of sitting,
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perhaps on a bus going down Fifth Avenue,
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and looking at the entire world around you with a great sense of well-being.
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One day at a farmers market,
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I saw a woman carrying an absolutely gigantic cabbage.
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(Laughter)
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When I asked to photograph her, she looked really annoyed.
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(Laughter)
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And for some reason, I was so delighted by her crankiness.
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It seemed so authentic and true.
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Let's just say what we feel.
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It made me think of all the things women hold,
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literally and metaphorically.
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Balloons and grudges.
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(Laughter)
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And heavy loads and cabbages.
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And stupendous love and courage.
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And the pink ukulele under a cherry tree.
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And from this a book was formed:
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“Women Holding Things”.
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What do women hold?
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The home and the family
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and the children and the food.
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The friendships, the work,
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the work of the world and the work of being human,
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the memories and the troubles and the sorrows
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and the triumphs and the love.
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Men do as well, but not quite in the same way.
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Sometimes when I'm feeling particularly happy or content,
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I think I can provide sustenance for legions of human beings.
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I can hold the entire world in my arms.
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Other times, I can barely cross the room.
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And I drop my arms, frozen.
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There is never an end to holding,
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and certainly there is often the feeling of never doing enough.
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And then there is the next day and the next day.
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And one holds on.
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I dreamt
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someone else was stupid for a change.
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(Laughter)
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Such a relief.
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(Laughter)
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Albeit a fleeting one.
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A few years ago,
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I did an illustrated edition
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of "The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas,"
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written by the inimitable Gertrude Stein.
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Alice and Gertrude lived a singular life,
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one of intense creativity and equally intense domesticity,
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and one could not exist without the other.
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That, to me, is the ideal of life, family and work.
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My son Alex and I made a short film called "My Name is Alice B. Toklas,"
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and for a brief day
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I became Alice with two extra noses on my nose.
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Here is a short clip from the end of the film.
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[Picasso was an Idiot]
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(Piano music in background)
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(Video) It took Picasso 90 sittings
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to paint Gertrude Stein's portrait.
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Nobody thought it looked like her,
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but he said, "Don't worry, it will."
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But actually, I don't know if he knew anything about what he was talking about
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oh, you know, Picasso, he was impossible.
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(Laughter)
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Thank you very much.
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Oh, this looks delicious.
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Absolutely delicious.
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(Laughter)
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(Piano music ends)
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(Applause)
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The hot dog was delicious,
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and dancing down Fifth Avenue was a complete joy.
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And as we say in our family,
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doing almost everything in the strangeness of life
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through the sorrows of life, live.
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Thank you very much.
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(Applause and cheers)
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