3 Steps to Better Connect With Your Fellow Humans | Amber Cabral | TED

譯者: 麗玲 辛 審譯者: C Leung

OK, so my name is Amber Cabral, and I teach people how to be good humans.

我的名字是安布爾·卡布拉爾， 我教導人們怎樣成為好人。

What that essentially comes down to

基本上，

is I work with a lot of well-recognized brands

我與許多知名品牌合作，

on something that is a pretty consistent challenge day-to-day.

共同面對日常挑戰。

And what that really comes down to is:

這實際上歸結為：

how do we help people who are different from one another

我們如何幫助不同的人們

experience a sense of belonging and support in the workplace?

在職場中感受歸屬感和支持？

Now we've all had that moment.

我們都經歷過那一刻。

We've been at work and we're like, "Ah, I just don't feel like I fit here."

我們一直工作，突然感到 「啊，我覺得我在這裡格格不入」。

And so I help organizations kind of start to figure out

因此，我幫助企業組織著手弄清楚

how to make the connections necessary for that to work.

如何建立必要的連結，使其發揮作用。

Now support sounds easy.

支持聽起來很簡單。

Like we think we can just do that, because we do it all the time.

我們覺得我們可以做到， 因為我們一直在努力。

We support people we love and care about.

我們支持我們愛和在乎的人。

We support people that we think we understand,

我們支持自認了解的人，

even if we don't know them.

即使我們不認識他們。

But when it comes to people that we, like, don't know at all

但是當涉及完全不認識

or we don't have that connection with,

或沒有連結的人時，

well, then we kind of get a little weird about it.

那麼我們就會覺得有點奇怪。

And what we really need to do is pay attention to those differences,

我們真正該做的是專注於這些差異，

because there's magic in those differences,

因為這些差異具有魔力，

there's something in there

從差異中，

that we actually have an opportunity to learn and grow from.

我們才有機會去學習與成長。

But we've kind of been taught to politely ignore

我們從小被教導要禮貌地忽略

when we're different from one another.

彼此之間的差異。

We don't actually pay attention to it.

我們不會特別關注它。

And here’s the thing: differences are inevitable.

而事實是：差異是不可避免的。

Look around this room.

看看這個房間，

Think about your travel into this room today.

想想你今天來到這裡的路上，

You encountered all kinds of differences.

遇到了各式各樣的差異。

We have different backgrounds, different ideas, different perspectives.

我們有不同的背景、 不同的想法、不同的觀點；

We have different identities, we have different abilities, all of it.

我們有不同的身份、 不同的能力、林林總總。

And it's going to continue to be that way forever.

而且這種情況會一直存在。

But we still have this moment

但當分歧發生時，

where we want to pull back when differences happen.

我們會有想退縮的一刻。

And what I want to encourage you to do is instead of pull back,

我想鼓勵你們，與其退縮，

maybe take a moment and notice those differences.

不如花點時間注意那些差異，

And not so that it's awkward or weird.

不要因此感到尷尬或奇怪。

You know we try to do that thing where we see a thing,

你知道有時候，我們看到一些事， 但又假裝沒有看到。

but we try to act like we don't see the thing.

不要那樣做！

Like, don't do that!

請務必意識到這些差異，

But definitely please, let's be aware of the differences,

because the magic that's in those will help us move forward.

因為其中的魔力將幫助我們前進。

接下來，我會根據我自己的研究和學習

And I'm going to give you some techniques

based on just my own study and my own learnings

介紹一些技巧給你們，

that I think will help you be able to bridge some of those connections

我認為這些技巧將幫助你們 在共同前進的過程中建立連結，好嗎？

as we move forward, alright?

So the first step ...

第一步...

The first step -- there are three.

第一步，容我提醒你，共有三步。

Let me warn you because sometimes we need to know that. Alright.

有時候我們需要先知道這一點。

第一步，是承認我們都有一些特權。

The first step is to acknowledge that we all have some privilege.

Now that word might have landed on some of you, like, ich.

這個詞現在可能會讓你們有些反感，

Right? But really.

對吧？但，真的。

And I want to demonstrate it for you for just a moment.

我想為你們舉個例子。

Did you wake up this morning with hot, clean running water?

你今天早上起床， 有熱水和乾淨的自來水嗎？

Did you think about it?

你有想過嗎？

Did you wonder if your shower was going to be your ideal temperature,

你會想知道淋浴水溫是否舒適，

or if you'd have clean water for your morning coffee or tea?

或者早上是否有乾淨的水泡咖啡或茶？

Likely the answer is no.

對大多數在座的人來說，

For most of us in this room.

答案很可能是不會。

But I think we can all agree

但我想我們都同意，

that access to water is indeed a privilege.

能夠取得用水確實是一種特權。

In fact, a little more than a quarter of the world's population

事實上，世界上超過四分之一的人口

does not have access to safely managed drinking water at home.

無法在家中獲得安全管理的飲用水。

So while it might be our norm,

因此，即使這可能是我們的生活常態，

it is indeed a privilege.

它確實是一種特權。

And this is how privilege shows up.

這就是特權的體現。

We don't see it. It's regular to us.

我們視而不見，覺得這很普通。

It's a part of who we are. We don't even think about it.

它是我們的一部分， 我們甚至連想都不會想到。

But if we take a moment and we actually pay attention,

但如果我們停下來，真正注意一下，

what being aware of our privilege does for us

意識到我們的特權，

is it helps us to see where we have access.

就能看到我們擁有的機會，

It helps us see where we have ease.

有助於看到我們擁有的便利。

And access and ease give us power.

擁有機會和便利，給了我們力量。

Something as simple as being able to speak the language of our communities

就連能夠說我們社群的 語言這樣簡單的事

gives us privilege,

也給了我們特權，

and that privilege gives us power.

這種特權，給了我們力量。

So you may be wondering:

你可能會想知道：

how do I figure out my privileges if they're regular?

如果特權是生活常態， 我如何找出我的特權呢？

They're everywhere.

它們無處不在。

OK, let me give you a simple question you can ask yourself.

好的，我給你一個 簡單的問題，你可以自問：

What about me or my experience

關於我或我的經歷，

might someone look at and consider to be typical?

有什麼是別人可能認為是典型的？

It could be my upbringing.

這可能是我的成長背景，

It could be the language I speak.

可能是我說的語言，

It could be the way my body works. It could be my style of dress.

可能是我的身體運作方式， 可能是我的穿著風格，

It could be any of those elements.

可能是這些元素中的任何一個。

But it's hidden in the things that we think of as everyday and regular.

但它隱藏在我們認為 是日常、普通的事物中。

That's where we're going to find our privilege.

就在這些地方， 我們可以找出我們的特權。

So that leads me to the second step.

這就引導我們到第二步。

The second step is we need to be willing to recognize the differences in folks

第二步是我們必須願意 承認不同人群之間的差異，

and want to get to know them across those differences.

並且想要透過這些差異來了解他們。

Let me learn about your experiences so that I can develop empathy for you.

讓我了解你的經歷， 這樣我就能和你產生共鳴。

That learning about the experiences part, it's not just so that we can be curious.

了解他人的經歷不僅僅是 為了滿足我們的好奇心。

We love stories, alright? That's great. Keep loving the stories.

我們喜歡故事，對吧？ 那很好，繼續熱愛故事。

But also getting to know about folks' experience

但了解人們的經驗

gives us a bit of perspective that we might not otherwise have.

也能讓我們獲得一些 原本可能無法獲得的視角。

And so what we want to think about is, you know,

所以我們要考慮的是，

considering the impact that having those kinds of connections

考量這些連結為我們帶來的影響。

can show for us.

Even as a simple example,

即使作為一個簡單的例子，

I mentioned we struggle to connect across differences.

我剛提到我們很難跨越差異建立連結。

But think about this: a couple days ago, maybe a month ago,

但想想：幾天前，也許一個月前，

I saw online where Snoop Dogg, yes, the rapper Snoop Dogg,

我在網路上看到史努比狗狗， 是的，饒舌歌手史努比狗狗，

posted on his LinkedIn --

在領英上 (LinkedIn)——

which why he's on LinkedIn, I have no idea --

我不知道他為什麼在領英上——

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

That he really valued his relationship with Martha Stewart.

指出他真的很重視 他與瑪莎·斯圖爾特的關係。

Now most of us have seen that relationship,

我們大多數人都已經知道這段關係，

and if we're being honest, we kind of notice

坦白說，我們會注意到

that there's some differences between them

他們兩人有些差異，

that make that connection kind of unlikely, right?

使得這段關係似乎 不太可能發生，對吧？

OK. But you know what?

但你知道嗎？

He pointed out specifically, “I learn so much from this friendship.

他特別指出， 「我從這段友誼裡學到了很多。

I get so much value out of this relationship."

我從這段關係中獲得了很多價值。」

And it was the willingness of being able to connect across differences

正是這種願意跨越差異的心，

that most of us would kind of politely ignore,

我們大多數人都會禮貌地忽略，

or would assume were not available to us.

或認為我們無法遇到。

So learning about the experiences of others is about hearing the stories.

了解他人的經驗就是聆聽故事。

Yes, but it's also about having empathy and connection,

是的，但這也要擁有同理心、建立連結

and being able to broaden our view.

以及能夠打開我們的視野。

Now I have another example where this happens,

我有另一個例子，是在職場上發生的，

and this is the workplace,

because I care a lot about how this shows up in the workplace,

我非常關心在職場上發生的狀況，

because we all, you know, at least for now, until the AI gets us,

因為至少到目前為止， 在人工智慧趕上我們前，

have to go into the workplace.

我們都不得不進入職場。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

OK, so when we're thinking about the workplace,

好吧，當我們考量到職場，

one of the things that always happens is interviews.

一件經常發生的事情就是面試。

I've had this conversation with a lot of my clients

我和許多客戶談過這個問題，

because clients are always thinking

因為客戶總是在思考

about how are we attracting and retaining talent.

如何吸引和留住人才。

他們總是特別關心黑人、 棕色人種、年輕人。

They’re always thinking about specifically Black folks, brown folks, young folks.

我們希望確保我們正在 建立起這些連結。

And we want to make sure that we're bridging those connections.

但是我們知道職場並不總是 歡迎這些多元化身份。

But we know that our workplaces

aren't always inviting to those diverse identities.

我的客戶聽到的是管道問題，

Now what my clients hear is a pipeline problem.

But what I hear is an empathy problem.

但我聽到的是共感問題。

I'll give an example of what that looks like.

我來舉個例子。

Candidates go into an interview.

求職者進行面試，

One of the questions is,

其中一個問題是：

"I'd like you to tell me about how you navigate ambiguity."

「請告訴我，你如何 應對不明確的情況。」

Most of the candidates tell a story about working in a previous position,

大多數求職者都會講個故事，

說他在以前的職位， 工作時遇到的問題，

having to solve a problem,

not having a lot of resources or information,

像是缺乏資源或資訊，

making some educated guesses

然後，他做了一些合理的猜測，

and ultimately solving said problem amazingly.

最終驚人地解決了問題，

Alright? Creating a fantastic new product.

創造了一個很棒的新產品。

We've heard this story. We work with those people. OK, great.

我們都聽過這種故事。 我們和這樣的人共事。

But there's one candidate,

但有一個求職者，

and when that question hits them,

被問到這個問題時，

what they do is they tell a story about a 1989 Honda Accord.

他講了關於一輛 1989 年的本田雅哥的故事。

It's a car that their father gave them before they went away to college.

那是父親在他上大學前送給他的。

And it ran great.

它跑得很好。

But the gas gauge didn't work.

但油錶壞了。

So they talk about -- feels real, right?

所以他說——感覺很真實，對吧？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Y’all know this person, too.

你們也認識這個人。

So the gas gauge didn't work.

油錶壞了。

So they had to develop a process

所以他不得不制定一個流程，

to make sure that they were able to track their miles

以確保他能夠追蹤自己的里程，

so that they would know when they needed to fill up again.

這樣他就會知道什麼時候需要去加油。

Right?

對吧？

They had to navigate the ambiguity

他必須應對不明確的情況，

of having no idea what was in their gas tank

不知道油箱裡有多少油，

and make sure that they didn't run out of gas,

得確保不會耗盡油，

and they managed to do that.

他成功地做到了這一點。

"I track my miles so that I know exactly when I need to fill up,

「我記錄我的里程， 以便準確知道何時需要加油，

so that I don't have to worry about running out of gas."

這樣我就不必擔心沒油。」

How often would we hear a story like that in the workplace

多少次，我們在職場上聽到這樣的故事，

and discount that person?

卻忽視那個人？

How often would we dismiss or not even consider the candidate

我們經常排除、 甚至不考慮某個應試者，

because they didn't give us a business example,

因為他沒有回答商業上的案例，

或者我們不覺得文化上契合。

or we didn’t hear it as a culture fit.

When if we’re really honest with ourselves,

如果我們坦誠面對自己，

the candidate with the Honda Accord not only navigated the ambiguity

駕駛本田雅哥的應試者

不僅應對了車子 可能沒油的不明確情況，

of not having any gas in the car,

they also did something in their day-to-day life.

他還在日常生活中採取行動。

It wasn't just for work.

這不僅僅是為了工作。

This is one of the things I had to figure out how to do to survive.

這是我必須學會的生存之道。

這是與生俱來的，存在於身體中。

It's innate. It's in my body. Think about if we considered it that way.

想想如果我們能這樣考量。

Think about if we considered getting to know folks' stories

想像一下，如果我們能 認真理解別人的故事

and having empathy for them

並與他們產生共鳴，

as a part of the way that we evaluate

再去評估他們是否有機會茁壯成長，

where they have an opportunity to thrive and grow,

instead of just listening for the things that we always listen for.

而不只聽我們想聽到的事情。

That leads me to the third step. OK?

這就引導我們到第三步。

The third step is extending your privilege to others.

第三步是將你的特權提供給他人。

So I have another story.

我再講個故事。

I was on a call the other day with a client.

前幾天我打電話給一位客戶。

She is the head of HR for a pretty big company.

她是一家大公司的人力資源主管。

It was she and I and one of her colleagues on the call.

電話上有我、她和她的一個同事。

And as we were having the discussion, about 10 minutes in,

我們進行討論，大約十分鐘後，

she chimes in and says, "Wait, I'm going to hop off for a moment.

她插嘴說：「等等，我離開一下。

I need to go change my top. I'll be back."

我需要去換一下上衣。馬上回來。」

A few minutes pass by.

幾分鐘後，

She returns to the call, and she's in a plain black shirt.

她回到通話中，換上一件純黑色襯衫，

She's taken her earrings off, makeup's gone.

摘下了耳環，卸了妝。

So I ask, like, "Why'd you change clothes?"

我問她：「妳為什麼要換衣服？」

She says, "Oh, I'm getting my home appraised today.

她說：「哦，今天我房子要進行估價。

So I'm actually going to pretend to be the cleaning lady,

我要假裝是清潔女工，

and my neighbor across the street

我對面的鄰居會過來假扮我。

is going to come over and pretend to be me. She's white."

她是白人。」

I'm nodding my head because I know what's going on.

我點點頭，因為我知道怎麼回事。

The colleague on the call says,

電話中另一位同事說：

"Wait, what do you mean? I don't understand."

「等等，什麼意思？我不明白。」

So my client proceeds to explain about the stories about Black folks' homes

因此，我的客戶接著解釋，

之前聽說，如果屋主是黑人時，

being appraised for less

房屋的估價會較低。

when there's evidence that the homeowners are Black.

The colleague on the call is, like, almost outraged.

電話中的同事幾乎氣炸，

Like, "What? Is that a real thing? I can't believe this is happening."

說：「什麼？真的嗎？ 我無法相信會發生這種事。」

Meanwhile, I am feeling grateful to the neighbor

同時，我很感激她的鄰居

for being able to identify her privilege,

能夠體認到自己的特權，

for being able to empathize with my client,

感恩她能夠同理我的客戶，

and for being willing to extend the privilege of her race

並願意在這種情況下 提供她的種族特權。

in that situation.

The three steps that I just covered with you

我剛剛和你們分享的三個步驟，

are what most of us want when we think about support.

是多數人在考量支持時，可以做的事。

I want someone to identify their privilege.

我希望人們能認識到自己的特權。

I want somebody to actually hear my circumstances and experience,

我希望人們真正聆聽我的情況和經歷，

and empathize with me.

並同理我。

And then I want you to extend your privilege

然後我希望你們能以尊重和 有影響力的方式，

respectfully and impactfully

in the ways that you're able to in that relationship.

在這樣的關係中分享你們的特權。

Now I have a little secret.

我有一個小秘密，

A confession, if you will.

一份自白，如果你願意聽的話。

There is a word I've been avoiding in this conversation.

在這次談話中，我一直迴避一個字。

So I mentioned at the top of this, you know, dialogue

我在一開頭提到，你知道，

that I work with lots of well-recognized brands.

我和許多知名品牌合作。

And what I didn't tell you is that the work I do is DEI,

我沒說的是，我所做的工作是 DEI，

or diversity, equity and inclusion.

即多元化、公平性和包容性。

And the word that I’ve been avoiding is “allyship.”

我一直避免使用的字是「盟友關係」。

The three steps that we just talked through

我們剛才討論的三個步驟

is what allyship looks like in action.

就是盟友關係的實際行動。

Now I'll be honest, I avoided it because I just wanted you to hear my talk.

說實話，我迴避這個字， 因為我只想讓你聽我的演講。

I know right now the media is all the rage.

我知道現在媒體都在熱議。

DEI is dying, right? And allyship is on its way with it.

DEI 正在消失，對吧？ 盟友關係也即將隨之而逝。

But I want us to just for a moment

但我希望我們能考量一下，

consider that maybe allyship isn't grand historical gestures

也許盟友關係並不是宏偉的歷史姿態，

or another big program, or huge financial commitments.

不是另一個重大計劃， 也不是巨大的財務承諾。

I mean, we need those too, but --

我們也需要那些，但是──

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

It doesn’t have to just be that.

盟友關係不只如此。

It doesn't have to just be those really big, visible things.

它不必然是那些偉大、可見的事物，

It can be the small things,

它可能是件小事，

the things that we see and encounter every day.

是我們每天看到、遇到的事情。

Allyship is understanding that the system is such

盟友關係在於理解，

就像你鄰居經歷的房屋估價方式

that the way your neighbor is experiencing a home appraisal

and the way you might be

可能與你的方式不同，

could be different,

and being willing to step in and interrupt that impact.

而你願意介入並打斷這種影響。

It could also be recognizing that access to job opportunities

也可能是你意識到，

你得到工作機會，不代表這一定公平。

isn't necessarily fair just because you got in.

It's left-handed scissors.

可能是左撇子專用剪刀，

It's considering food allergies.

或是會考量食物過敏。

It's being willing to accept correction when you mispronounce someone's name

當你念錯某人的名字或 錯誤地描述他們的性別時，

or misgender them.

你會願意接受糾正。

It's all of those things that you encounter every single day.

這些是你每天都會遇到的事情。

And I think when we think of it as just the big things,

我認為，當我們只看所謂大事，

we miss an opportunity to step into what we independently,

我們就錯失良機，可以獨立地、個別地

individually have the ability to do to be allies.

做我們有能力做的事情，成為盟友。

And I know that word may still not sit well with a lot of you.

我知道這個詞可能 很多人還不太能接受。

But whether you call it support, love, friendship, solidarity,

但無論你稱之為支持、 愛、友誼、團結，

whatever you'd like to call it,

無論你想怎麼稱呼它，

let's start taking the kinds of everyday actions

讓我們真正開始採取日常行動，

that really bring it to life.

將其變為現實。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）