Why Bittersweet Emotions Underscore Life's Beauty | Susan Cain | TED

翻译人员: Danni Hu 校对人员: Yanyan Hong

Susan Cain: The idea of bittersweetness is that we live in a constant state,

苏珊·凯恩: 苦乐参半指的是 我们总是生活在这样一种状态中，

all humans do,

所有人都是如此，

it's a constant state of a kind of existence simultaneously

这是一种同时感受到

of joy and sorrow, dark and light,

喜悦与悲伤，黑暗与光明， 痛苦与欢乐的持续状态。

bitter and sweet.

And then what comes with that

然后随之而来的是 意识到所有这些的短暂性，

is a heightened awareness of impermanence in all things,

and also a kind of curiously piercing joy at the beauty of the world.

还有一种对世界之美的深切喜悦。

Because there's something about having this deep awareness

因为正是意识到喜悦中有痛苦， 痛苦中也有喜悦，

that the joy comes with sorrow, the sorrow comes with joy,

that makes us really attuned to the insane beauty all around us.

我们才能真正适应和感受 我们身边的美。

You know, I think the Stoics come at that from one point of view.

从某种角度来说，斯多葛学派 也是这样来思考问题的。

You know, there's the stoic idea of, they would call it memento mori,

有个被称为“铭记死亡”的 斯多葛学派思想，

to remember all the time that we could die tomorrow,

时刻提醒人们，我们明天 也许就将面临死亡，

we don't know what's going to happen.

我们不知道将会发生什么。

And that's a way of both calming us down

这既让我们平静下来， 又让我们觉得人生更加可贵。

and also making life feel a little more precious.

So you know, the Stoics come at it from that point of view.

所以你知道，斯多葛学派 从这个角度来思考问题。

I don't know that I think of myself as a Stoic explicitly,

坦率地讲，我不知道自己 算不算斯多葛学派，

but I do feel there's something about being aware of life's fragility

不过，我的确觉得有什么东西 让我意识到生命的脆弱，

that situates us exactly where we should be.

并将我们置于我们该在的位置上。

Whitney Pennington Rodgers: Why do you think

惠特尼·彭宁顿·罗杰斯: 你为什么认为

art is a way that we see bittersweetness being expressed

艺术在表达苦乐参半方面 非常适合呢？

really masterfully?

SC: I believe that all humans ...

苏：我认为所有人……

That the most fundamental aspect of our humanity

我们人性最本质的一方面就是

is that we all have a kind of longing for a state

我们都有追求完美、 美好世界的渴望。

that I call the perfect and beautiful world.

You know, like in "The Wizard of Oz," it's called "somewhere over the rainbow,"

你知道，就像在《绿野仙踪》里， 这被称为“彩虹彼端”，

all religions have their own name for it,

不同的信仰对此有不同的叫法，

my favorite is the Sufi name of the beloved of the soul.

我最喜欢的是“灵魂所爱”， 这是苏菲派的叫法。

And what creativity really is at the end of the day

归根结底，

is an expression of that longing for a more perfect and beautiful world.

创造力是对更完美、更美好世界的 渴望的表达。

You know, what an artist or a musician is doing,

你知道，艺术家或音乐家在做的，

is they're having a vision of ...

是他们看到了......

You know, the gap between the world that we're in

我们所生活的世界和 他们渴望的世界之间的差距,

and the world that they longed to be in and therefore to create.

并由此去创造。

And so whether you're talking about a violin piece or a rocket to Mars,

所以不论你是谈论小提琴乐章， 还是发射到火星的火箭，

there's really no difference between those two things.

这两者其实真的没有差别。

Like, the word longing itself,

就好像“渴望”这个词本身，

the etymology of it literally means to reach for, you know,

to grow longer and to reach for.

按词源，字面意思是去触及，抵达，

And that's what we're doing when we're creative.

这就是我们在富有创造力的时候 在做的事情。

And I do want to hasten to say that ...

我特别想强调的是 ......

You don't need to compose a symphony

你不需要谱写数百年后，

that people are going to be listening to hundreds of years later.

人们仍在欣赏的交响乐章。

You don't have to build the rocket to Mars

你不需要建造发射到火星的火箭 来证明人类的创造力。

in order to express that fundamental human creativity.

You could be sitting at home and drawing a picture or baking a pie.

你可以只是呆在家里 画一幅画或者烤一个派。

It doesn't really matter.

真的没关系。

Like, all these different actions

就好像，所有这些行为就是在表达 我们的渴望和我们向上的本性。

are expressions of our longing and of our better nature.

I believe that the art and the music

我认为绘画、音乐 以及自然、宗教、灵性，

and the nature and religion and spirituality

are all just different manifestations of the same thing.

都仅仅是相同事物的不同体现。

And what that thing is, we probably all have to define for ourselves,

至于究竟是什么，也许我们 得为我们自己来下这个定义。

but it is the most fundamental drive in all of human nature.

不过这是人类本性 最本质的驱动力。

And I believe our best one, you know, it's the one that leads to creativity,

我认为我们拥有的、最好的， 就是那些不仅引领我们去创新，

but also to connection and to love.

而且带领我们去联结， 去爱的力量。

Like, I literally -- sorry to go on with this question,

就像，我真的很抱歉要 继续谈论这个问题，

but I literally have sitting taped up in front of me in my office right now ...

不过事实上，我正坐在我的 办公室里，看着贴在前面的

A quotation from the poet Jalāl al-Dīn Rūmī,

苏菲派诗人哲拉鲁丁·鲁米的一段话。

who was a Sufi poet,

and I'm going to quote it for you,

我来读给你听，

but I'm just going to set the context of the poem.

不过，我先来介绍一下 这首诗的背景。

It's basically ...

基本上......

It’s about a man who is praying to Allah,

它讲述的是一个人向安拉祷告，

and a cynical person comes along and asks him,

一个愤世嫉俗的人经过并问他，

"Why are you praying?

“你为什么要祷告？

You never got an answer back, did you?

你从未得到过回应，不是吗？

So why are you praying?"

那你为什么还要祷告呢？”

And the man thinks about it

这个人想了想，

and is troubled by the cynic's observation.

因这愤世嫉俗者的一番话而忧虑。

And he falls into a fitful sleep during which he's visited by Khidr,

故而时醒时睡，就在这半梦半醒间，

the guide of souls, who says to him,

灵魂指引者希德尔来到梦中对他说，

"Why did you stop praying?"

“你为什么停止祷告呢？”

And he said, "Well, you know, God never answered me,

他回答说：“嗯，你知道， 神从未回应过我，

Allah never answered."

安拉从未回应过我。”

And this is what Khidr says to him, he says,

下面是希德尔对他说的话，

and now I'm quoting from the poem itself,

我现在读这首诗给你听，

"This longing you express is the return message.

“你所表达的渴求 就是回应的信息，

The grief you cry out from draws you toward union.

你呼求哭喊的悲伤将你带入合一，

Your pure sadness that wants help is the secret cup."

你那渴求帮助的纯粹悲伤 就是这神秘的杯子”。

And I have this taped up in my office

我把这句话贴在我的办公室里，

because I believe that ...

因为我相信，

I believe that that's the truth,

我相信这就是真理。

whether we consider ourselves atheists or believers or somewhere in between.

无论我们是否认为自己是无神论者 或信徒，或介于两者之间，

To me, is a false dichotomy.

对我来说，这是一个伪二分法。

WPR: It's beautiful.

惠：这很美。

Can you share a little bit more about the process

你可以分享一点 写作这本书的过程

that went into writing this book

and how you ultimately found yourself

以及你如何在苦乐参半中

in this place where bittersweet was the end product?

最终找到你自己？

SC: As most of us do, I come from a heritage of love and loss.

苏：和大部人一样，我成长中 经历过爱与缺失。

In my case,

我的情况是，

most members of my family, the previous generations,

我的家人、前辈人中大部分 死于纳粹大屠杀。

were killed in the Holocaust.

On my mother's side and my father's side.

父亲一方和母亲一方都是如此。

You know, I explore in the book the whole phenomenon of inherited grief,

我在这本书中探索这份血液中 流淌着的悲伤所呈现出的所有表象，

how it transmits to us, both culturally and epigenetically.

以及这悲伤如何在文化和表观遗传 两方面传递给我们的。

And so I think that that's a kind of unconscious backdrop

所以我觉得这好像是起初就 跟随我的、无意识的幕布。

that had been with me from the beginning.

Of just having a sense of kind of, like a tragic view of life,

有一种对人生的悲观视角，

but also a view that I kind of,

不过有时候也不敢相信这有多美。

just can't believe how beautiful it is sometimes.

So I'm sort of holding those two things at the same time.

所以我有点同时握着 这两样的感觉。

And yeah, so I just had all these questions

所以我才有这些

about how to make sense of this paradox of life.

关于如何让这自相矛盾的生活 能够有意义的问题。

And so I just went off on this five-year journey.

所以我才踏上了这段 历时五年的旅程。

I mean, I went and talked to Pete Docter, who is the director at Pixar,

我去找彼特·道格特 （Pete Docter）交流，

who created the movie "Inside Out,"

他是执导皮克斯《头脑特工队》的导演。

which is a movie that's really all about sadness

这部动画其实是关于悲伤以及

and the positive value that sadness has in our lives.

悲伤带给我们的积极价值。

And as I say, I explored all these wisdom traditions.

就像我说的，我在探索所有这些 充满智慧传统学说。

I went and talked to neuroscientists.

我去找神经学家交流。

I spent a lot of time with a psychologist named Dacher Keltner,

我花了很多时间和心理学家达契尔·克特纳 （Dacher Keltner）在一起讨论，

who's done all this fascinating,

他在称之为“内在同理心本能”

groundbreaking work on what he calls your inner compassionate instinct

以及我们如何进化

and how we're basically evolutionarily designed

来对他人的悲伤做出反应这些方面

to react to the sadness of other beings.

做出了卓越、具有突破性的工作。

And this comes from the fact

这就引出了一个事实，

that we're creatures who have to take care of our young

也就是我们是一种需要照料 我们中幼小同类的物种，

like, we don't survive if we don't do that.

如果我们不这样做， 我们就无法生存。

And so that means that we're primed to respond to the cries of babies.

也就是说我们本能地 就要回应婴儿的哭泣声。

Except it radiates out from there.

除非它从这里四散开去，

We don't only respond to our own baby's tears,

我们不仅回应 我们自己婴儿的眼泪，

we end up responding to other babies,

我们还会对 其他人婴儿的哭声有回应，

and we also end up responding to other beings in general.

总体来说，我们也会对 其他生物做出回应。

And we definitely do not get this right,

我们绝对没有正确了解这一点，

because we also, as Darwin had noticed,

因为正如达尔文注意到的，

Darwin said, we have this deep, compassionate instinct,

达尔文说，我们有深切 富有同理心的本能。

but we also have obviously this propensity to these astonishing acts of cruelty.

但我们也显然有残暴的习性。

So both of these things are part of us.

这两者都在我们身上存在。

And ...

并且，

And the question becomes,

这问题就成了我们如何 最大程度地发掘

how do we most draw on the compassionate side

我们更深层本能中同理心的一面？

of our deeper instincts?

WPR: There's a question here from Miriam

惠：这有一个来自米里亚姆的提问，

where they ask just about how we can be present for each other

他们想知道因为我们 体会着不同的情感，

as we're feeling different emotions.

我们该如何为彼此进行描述？

The question specifically is,

这个问题可以具体为，

"Can we be fully present for one another if one is experiencing sadness

“如果我们中的一个正经历悲伤， 另一个人则经历开心，

and the other is happiness?"

我们能完全彼此同理吗？”

SC: Yeah, I think the answer is to be fully present for each other.

我认为答案是我们 可以为彼此全然同理。

And I'll tell you one little hack that I've developed for that.

我会告诉你 我为此开发出来的雇佣文人。

I don’t know if hack is the right word.

我不知道“雇佣文人” 是不是一个合适的词。

But there’s this amazing video that went viral a few years ago.

不过几年前有个很棒的视频。

It was put out by the Cleveland Clinic Hospital.

上传这视频的是克利夫兰诊所 （Cleveland Clinic Hospital）。

And this was a video that they put together

这个视频是他们做的合集来教 护工们学习同理心的。

to teach empathy to their caregivers.

And the way they did this,

他们采用的方式是，

is they had a camera kind of,

他们有一个类似相机的东西，

moving through the corridors of the hospital,

在医院的各个走廊里面移动，

lingering for a moment on the face of this passer-by or that passer-by.

在这里或那里路过的人的脸上逗留一会儿。

Just the way you do in normal life, right?

就像你平时会做的那样，你会这样做，对吗？

You're like, walking through and you just see people as you go

就像你走这路，然后你会看路过的人，

and you’re not really thinking that much about it.

你其实并没有多想。

Except that in the case of this video,

除了在这个视频里面，

they had little captions underneath each random person

他们会给路过的人随机做些批注。

that you were passing by.

And sometimes the captions were joyful ones,

有时，给予他们的批注是令人愉悦的，

like, "just learned that he's going to be a father for the first time."

比如，“刚得知他即将初为人父”。

But because we're in a hospital, more often the captions are not so joyful.

不过因为我们是在医院， 大部分 情况给予路人的批注并不开心。

And it's things like, you know,

你知道，这种情况就像，

caption under a little girl saying goodbye to her father for the last time.

批注写着一个小女孩正 向父亲做最后的告别，

It's things like that.

就是像这样的情景。

And you cannot watch this video without tearing up.

你没有办法看着 这样的视频不流眼泪。

It's impossible.

那是不可能的。

Which is why it went viral.

这也是为什么这个视频 流传很广的原因。

You also become aware, as you're watching it,

你看的时候也会意识到这一点，

you're not only tearing up,

你不只是流眼泪，

you literally are having the sensation of expanding chest muscles.

你真的感受到胸腔肌肉的扩张。

Like, you can feel it physically and literally.

就好像，你的身体和头脑 都真实地感受到。

And ...

并且，

And we actually know from the work of Dacher Keltner,

从达契尔·克特纳所做的工作 我们得知，

who I was just talking about,

就是我刚谈论的那位，

that we have our vagus nerve,

我们使我们的迷走神经紧张，

which is the biggest bundle of nerves in our body,

这是我们身体中最庞大的神经组织，

and it governs our most fundamental instincts,

它支配着我们最基本的本能，

like breathing and digestion.

比如，呼吸和消化。

You know it's really basic.

你知道，这很基本。

But your vagus nerve also responds and fires up

不过你的迷走神经 也会做出反应，并且

when it sees somebody else in distress.

当看到有人处在困境的时候 会被激发。

So you know, this is a very deep and fundamental impulse.

所以你知道，这是非常深刻 和基本的冲动。

And what I take from the lesson of that Cleveland Clinic video

我从克利夫兰诊所视频 所学到的功课就是，

is just the simple exercise of imagining what people's captions are

做这样一个简单的练习， 想象当你在世间行走时，

as you walk through the world.

你会如何看待身边的事物，

You know, you don't necessarily know them.

你知道的，你并不一定要认识他们，

But now I'll go into a grocery store

不过我现在要走进一家超市，

and as the person's ringing up my groceries,

那人为我买的东西结账时，

I'm thinking, what's her caption?

我在想，我会给她写句什么配文呢？

What is it?

是什么呢？

And it's a completely different way of interacting with people

你一旦开始这样做，

once you do that.

你与人的互动方式就会完全不一样。

WPR: And connected to this,

关于这一点，

Gordon asks how your experience with the pandemic and lockdown

戈登提问，疫情和封城的经历，

informed the writing of the book.

如何影响你这本书的写作。

Did it change the book

这改变了这本书最初的写作构思吗？

from what you initially envisioned it to be?

SC: My father and my brother actually passed away from COVID

苏：事实上，我的父亲和哥哥 在疫情早期的时候，

quite early during the pandemic.

就因染疫过世了。

There's something about grappling with these subjects for years,

其实这些主题我已经纠结了很久，

as I had been doing,

that actually helped me pass through those particular moments

这其实帮助我度过了 那些特殊的时刻。

and weather those particular moments.

I guess I'll just give you one specific example.

我可以讲一个具体的例子。

So one of the wisdom traditions that I found most illuminating,

我发觉其中一个智慧思想 最具启发性，

and I wrote about this in the book,

我在书里也写了这个，

it's the one that Leonard Cohen's song comes from, you know,

这也是莱昂纳德·科恩 （Leonard Cohen）歌曲的灵感，

the idea of light coming from the crack and everything.

关于万物皆有裂痕， 那是光照进来的地方。

So he got that from the Kabbalah,

所以他从卡巴拉，

which is the mystical side of the Jewish tradition.

也就是犹太传统的神秘一面获得

And one of the fundamental stories in the Kabbalah is the idea

犹太教的神秘释经学里 根本的故事之一，即

that all of creation originally was one divine vessel of light

万物最初都是圣光而来，

that ultimately shattered

最终破碎。

and that now we're living in the world after the shattering.

而我们现在就生活 在破碎后的世界当中。

But these divine shards of light are still scattered all around us,

不过这些圣光碎片 仍散落在我们周围，

and they're buried in the mud all around us.

在我们周围被埋藏在泥土里。

And so our job is to walk through the world

所以我们的工作 就是要在世间行走，

and pick up the shards where we can and maybe shine them up a little bit.

捡起那些我们能找到的光的碎片， 并让它们更亮一点。

And the beauty is that I'm going to see one set of shards,

我觉得很美的是我 将看到一组碎片，

but you're going to notice completely different ones.

不过你会发现它们完全不同。

So we all go around and pick up our own.

所以我们都出去找， 然后捡起我们属于我们自己的。

When my father passed away from COVID,

当我父亲因新冠疫情过世时，

I started reflecting on his life and ...

我开始回顾他的人生......

My father was a person who ...

我父亲是这样一个人......

He was a doctor and a med school professor,

他是位医生，医学院教授，

and he worked really, really hard and did great work.

他工作极其努力， 并做出了很多贡献。

And at the same time that he did all that,

他做这些的同时，

he also would perform these,

他还会做其他事情，

you could call them senseless acts of beauty, maybe.

也许你可以称之为 无意义的美好举动。

He loved orchids,

他爱兰花，

so he built a greenhouse full of orchids in our basement.

所以他在我们的地下室建了 一个满是兰花的温室。

For really no reason other than that he loved orchids.

除了爱兰花，真的没有其他原因。

And so he grew them and gazed at them.

他种植兰花，凝视它们。

And he loved the French language,

他爱法语，

so he learned how to speak French,

所以他就学习法语，

even though he had no time to visit France and rarely did.

即使他没时间去法国。

But he would sit there and learn it and loved the act of learning it.

不过他还是坐在那里学习法语， 并喜爱学习法语这件事本身。

And there were so many different things like this that he did.

他还做过很多类似的事情，

And when he died, I started thinking about all those acts of beauty

他过世的时候，我开始思考所有 那些他在工作中做过的美好举动。

that he had performed in his work

and in these seemingly senseless acts of beauty.

以及这些看起来无意义的美好行为。

And I framed them all as shards that he had been picking up all his life.

我认为这就是他在他的人生中 捡起来的、闪光的碎片。

And ...

并且，

That was, yeah, that was a really

那真的，真的是，

helpful way of thinking of him and remembering him

思念他的很有帮助的方式。

and bringing me to some form of peace with his loss.

也在失去他之后， 带给我一丝平和，

WPR: As we slowly come out of the pandemic,

我们正慢慢从疫情当中走出来，

how can we better normalize talking about loss

如何才能更自如地去 谈论所失去的，

and talking about these feelings

以及关于你提到的、 逝去的、文化的感受呢？

that you've mentioned our culture sort of shies away from?

SC: Well, I think it's really helpful to start in our organizations.

我认为在我们的组织中 先开始是非常有帮助的。

I mean, we can obviously start privately,

我的意思是，当然， 我们那可以从个人开始。

which in some ways is the easiest

从某些方面来说，这样也最容易。

because we don't have to corral anybody else to do it.

因为我们不用去了解其他人做什么。

But in our organizations,

但在我们的组织中，

there are small steps that we can take.

有些我们可以采取的小步骤，

So I'm thinking, for example,

所以我想，比如

I do a lot of public speaking,

我做很多的公开演讲。

lately Zoom talks, where I come in and talk about introversion

最近我在 Zoom 对话中谈到了内向，

and I guess now bittersweetness.

现在我想该是苦乐参半。

Anyway, I did one not that long ago, it was a Zoom call.

不管怎样，我不久 前刚做完一个 Zoom 通话。

And we were talking about the power of introverts.

我们谈论内向人的力量。

And the call started with a chat, just the way this one did.

那个对话从一个聊天开始， 就像我们这个一样。

And the organizer asked them questions like, "How's everybody feeling today?"

组织者问他们问题，比如， “大家觉得今天怎么样？”

And everybody typed in, you know, "I'm feeling great."

然后每个人都打字回复， 比如说，“我觉得棒极了”。

"I'm feeling excited," "I'm feeling joyful,"

“我觉得好兴奋”， “我觉得很开心”，

feeling all these things.

类似这些的感受。

And I love it.

我非常喜欢，

If they were in fact feeling that way, that's awesome.

如果他们真的有这样的感受， 那就太棒了。

And I also ask, what is the chance that everybody truly was feeling that way?

我也问大家，大家真的 有这样的感受的几率有多少？

This long list of people coming into the chat,

在聊天框里面回复的人有一长串。

what's the chance that was accurate?

这个是真实的几率有多少？

Maybe zero percent?

也许是零。

I would love to see us develop ways,

我想看到我们想出些方法，

and maybe the way to start is with anonymous chats

也许一开始是匿名聊天，

or an option to be anonymous in chats,

或者在聊天时选择匿名，

but for organizers and for team leaders and so on to be asking,

除了组织者，小组领队以及 被要求的以外。

"What are you all truly feeling?"

“你真实的感受是什么？”

"What are you going through right now?"

“你正经历着什么？”

And again, maybe anonymous and maybe not.

下一次，也许匿名，也许不要匿名。

When we're gathering in person,

当我们面对面聚在一起，

we could have whiteboards up.

我们可以立起白板，

In schools they sometimes do this and they call it a parking lot,

学校里，他们有时会这样做， 他们称之为停车位，

where people could just write down what they're going through that day,

在上面人们只是写下 他们即将经历什么。

the joys and the sorrows,

欢乐与痛苦，

so that people start becoming aware of kind of like, the normality

所以人们开始意识到 真正的经历的本来样貌。

of what actual experience is.

We as a society need to figure out how we can start telling the truth

我们作为一个社会需要知道 我们如何能够开始

of what it's like to be alive.

诉说生活的真实样貌，

That's what I would say.

那就是我想说的。

I mean, that's actually the reason I write books,

我的意思是， 那就是我写这本书的真实初衷。

that's how I always think of it.

那就是我如果能够总是想着这个，

It's like there's really no point other than telling a truth

这就像除了讲出那些 原本难以说出口的真心话，

that isn't otherwise being spoken out loud.

其他的内容并无实质性意义。

And there's also an incredible safety in numbers, you know.

你知道，获得多数人赞同 就会有安全感。

Once lots of people start talking about the same thing,

一旦很多人都开始谈论同一件事，

it suddenly becomes OK to tell that particular truth

突然间谈论关于什么才是 生活的真实就变得正常了。

of what it's like to be alive.

So we have to just find ways of telling it

所以我们要找到方法来讲述，

and then more and more people will share it.

接着就有越来越多的人分享，

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