Why I Gave My Teenage Daughter a Vibrator | Robin Buckley | TED

135,347 views ・ 2023-09-28

TED


μ•„λž˜ μ˜λ¬Έμžλ§‰μ„ λ”λΈ”ν΄λ¦­ν•˜μ‹œλ©΄ μ˜μƒμ΄ μž¬μƒλ©λ‹ˆλ‹€.

λ²ˆμ—­: Jake Lee κ²€ν† : DK Kim
00:04
Six years ago,
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6λ…„ μ „, 제 큰딸이 13μ‚΄μ΄μ—ˆμ„ λ•Œ,
00:05
when my older daughter was 13, I bought her a vibrator.
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λ°”μ΄λΈŒλ ˆμ΄ν„°λ₯Ό μ‚¬μ€¬μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:11
(Cheers and applause)
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(ν™˜ν˜Έμ™€ λ°•μˆ˜)
00:13
I'm done. OK.
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λμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€, μ’‹μ•„μš”.
00:14
(Laughter)
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(μ›ƒμŒ)
00:16
It wasn't something I planned on doing.
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그건 μ œκ°€ κ³„νšν–ˆλ˜ 일이 μ•„λ‹ˆμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:20
I mean, I knew eventually my daughters would need bras and tampons, maybe braces,
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제 딸듀이 μ–Έμ  κ°€ λΈŒλΌλ‚˜ μƒλ¦¬λŒ€, ꡐ정기가 ν•„μš”ν•  κ±°λž€ 건 μ•Œμ•˜μ§€λ§Œ,
λ°”μ΄λΈŒλ ˆμ΄ν„°λŠ” κ·Έ λͺ©λ‘μ— μ—†μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:25
but a vibrator was not on the list.
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그러면 μ €λŠ” μ™œ μ‚¬μ€¬μ„κΉŒμš”?
00:29
So why did I do it?
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00:31
Before I explain why, I want to acknowledge
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μ œκ°€ μ™œ κ·Έλž¬λŠ”μ§€ μ„€λͺ…ν•˜κΈ° μ „, λ¨Όμ € 말해 두고 싢은 건
00:34
that I might have made some of you a little uncomfortable
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μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„λ“€ 쀑 μΌλΆ€λŠ” 쑰금 λΆˆνŽΈν•΄ ν•  수 μžˆλ‹€λŠ” μ μž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:36
or a lot uncomfortable.
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μ–΄μ©Œλ©΄ λ§Žμ΄μš”.
00:39
So before I explain why, I want to ask you a question.
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이유λ₯Ό μ„€λͺ…ν•˜κΈ° 전에 μ§ˆλ¬Έμ„ ν•˜λ‚˜ ν•˜κ³  μ‹ΆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:44
Why are we more comfortable talking about female pain --
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μ™œ μš°λ¦¬λŠ” μ—¬μ„±μ˜ 고톡에 λŒ€ν•΄ 더 μ‰½κ²Œ μ΄μ•ΌκΈ°ν•˜λŠ” κ±ΈκΉŒμš”?
00:50
things like period cramps,
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생리톡, μœ λ°©μ•”,
00:52
breast cancer, birthing pains,
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μΆœμ‚°ν†΅, μœ μ‚°, 성폭행.
00:55
miscarriages and sexual assault --
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00:59
than we are talking about female pleasure?
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μ—¬μ„±μ˜ μΎŒλ½μ„ λ§ν•˜λŠ” 건 그보닀 더 μ–΄λ €μ›Œν•˜μ£ .
01:03
Why does a vibrator make us uncomfortable
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μ™œ λ°”μ΄λΈŒλ ˆμ΄ν„°λŠ” λ§ν•˜κΈ° λΆˆνŽΈν•˜μ§€λ§Œ
01:06
but Viagra does not?
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λΉ„μ•„κ·ΈλΌλŠ” κ·Έλ ‡μ§€ μ•Šμ„κΉŒμš”?
01:08
(Cheers and applause)
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(ν™˜ν˜Έμ™€ λ°•μˆ˜)
01:15
Getting my daughter a vibrator started me on a journey
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μ €λŠ” λ”Έμ—κ²Œ λ°”μ΄λΈŒλ ˆμ΄ν„°λ₯Ό μ‚¬μ£Όλ©΄μ„œ
01:18
of thinking about the importance of empowering teenage girls,
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10λŒ€ μ†Œλ…€λ“€μ„ 뢁돋아주고, 자기 λͺΈμ— λŒ€ν•΄ 배우고,
01:22
helping them to learn about their bodies
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자기 λͺΈμ— λŒ€ν•œ μ†Œμœ κΆŒμ„ κ°–κ³ ,
01:24
and gain a sense of ownership of their bodies,
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μΎŒλ½μ„ 즐길 ꢌ리λ₯Ό λ°›μ•„λ“€μ΄λŠ” κ²ƒμ˜
01:27
including embracing their right to pleasure.
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μ€‘μš”μ„±μ— λŒ€ν•΄ μƒκ°ν•˜κ²Œ λ˜μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:31
This is one reason that my own daughters encouraged me to include their stories
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이것이 제 딸듀이 이 강연에 μžμ‹ λ“€μ˜ 이야기λ₯Ό 넣도둝
μ €λ₯Ό λ…λ €ν•œ 이유 쀑 ν•˜λ‚˜μž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:36
in this talk.
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01:38
So I'm going to talk to you today about sex,
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μ˜€λŠ˜μ€ μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„κ»˜ 성관계에 λŒ€ν•΄,
01:40
specifically in regards to our teenage daughters.
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특히 μ‹­ λŒ€ λ”Έλ“€κ³Ό κ΄€λ ¨ν•˜μ—¬ μ΄μ•ΌκΈ°ν•˜λ € ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:43
I know we don't like to think about our teenagers having sex
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μš°λ¦¬λŠ” μ‹­ λŒ€ μžλ…€λ“€μ΄ 성관계λ₯Ό ν•œλ‹€κ³  μƒκ°ν•˜κ³  μ‹Άμ–΄ν•˜μ§€ μ•Šκ³ 
μ‚¬νšŒμ  이쀑 μž£λŒ€ λ•Œλ¬Έμ— 특히 λ”Έλ“€μ˜ 경우 더 κ·Έλ ‡μ£ .
01:48
and because of societal double standards, especially our girls.
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ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ, 이런 주제둜 λŒ€ν™”λ₯Ό ν•΄μ•Ό ν•˜λŠ” μ΄μœ κ°€ μžˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:53
But here's why we need to have this conversation,
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01:55
as uncomfortable as it may make us.
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그런 λŒ€ν™”λ‘œ μš°λ¦¬κ°€ λΆˆνŽΈν•΄μ§ˆ 수 μžˆκ² μ§€λ§Œμš”.
01:59
Girls typically develop a desire for sexual contact
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일반적으둜 μ†Œλ…€λ“€μ΄ 성적 접촉 μš•κ΅¬λ₯Ό ν‚€μš°λŠ” 것은
02:02
between the ages of 11 and 14.
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μ—΄ν•œ μ‚΄μ—μ„œ μ—΄λ„€ μ‚΄ μ‚¬μ΄μž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:07
Between the ages of 15 and 19,
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μ—΄λ‹€μ„― μ‚΄μ—μ„œ 열아홉 μ‚΄ 사이에
02:09
42 percent of them have had vaginal and/or oral sex.
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42%κ°€ 질 성ꡐ λ˜λŠ” ꡬ강성ꡐλ₯Ό κ²½ν—˜ν•œ 적이 μžˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:15
Through the cell phones right in their back pockets,
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μ‰½κ²Œ μ ‘κ·Όν•  수 μžˆλŠ” νœ΄λŒ€μ „ν™”λ₯Ό 톡해
02:19
57 percent of girls and 84 percent of boys
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μ—΄λ„€ μ‚΄μ—μ„œ μ—΄μ—¬λŸ μ‚΄ μ‚¬μ΄μ˜ μ†Œλ…€ 57%와 μ†Œλ…„ 84%κ°€
02:23
between the ages of 14 and 18
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02:25
have watched pornography through Pornhub and hundreds of similar sites.
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ν°ν—ˆλΈŒμ™€ μœ μ‚¬ν•œ μ‚¬μ΄νŠΈ 수백 개λ₯Ό 톡해 포λ₯΄λ…Έλ₯Ό λ΄…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:32
So if you have a kid in high school,
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그렇기에 λ§Œμ•½ 고등학생 μžλ…€κ°€ μžˆλ‹€λ©΄,
02:35
it isn't a question of if they'll watch porn before they graduate,
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그듀이 μ‘Έμ—… 전에 포λ₯΄λ…Έλ₯Ό λ³Όμ§€ μ•ˆ λ³Όμ§€κ°€ μ•„λ‹ˆλΌ,
02:39
but more likely, when.
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μ–Έμ œ λ³Όμ§€κ°€ 더 λ¬Έμ œμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:44
This means that a lot of our kids are getting their sex education
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μ΄λŠ” λ§Žμ€ 아이듀이 성을 포λ₯΄λ…Έλ‘œ 배우고,
02:48
and trying to figure out what's normal from pornography.
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무엇이 정상인지λ₯Ό 포λ₯΄λ…Έμ—μ„œ μ°Ύκ³  μžˆλ‹€λŠ” λœ»μž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:54
To illustrate why we can’t leave our kids alone to navigate this sexual terrain,
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μ™œ 아이듀이 성적인 μ˜μ—­μ„ 혼자 νƒμƒ‰ν•˜κ²Œ λ‘˜ 수 μ—†λŠ”μ§€ μ„€λͺ…ν•˜κΈ° μœ„ν•΄,
02:58
I want to share a story with you.
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ν•œ κ°€μ§€ 이야기λ₯Ό λ‚˜λˆ„κ³ μž ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:01
Several years ago,
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λͺ‡ λ…„ μ „, μ—„μ²­λ‚˜κ²Œ λ˜‘λ˜‘ν•œ μ—΄λ„€ μ‚΄ μ†Œλ…€μ™€ 상담을 ν•˜λ©΄μ„œ
03:02
I worked with an incredibly intelligent 14-year-old girl,
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03:06
helping her manage her overall life stressors.
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μ „λ°˜μ μΈ μ‚Άμ—μ„œ 슀트레슀λ₯Ό κ΄€λ¦¬ν•˜λ„λ‘ λ„μ™”μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:09
During one session, she asked if she could ask me a question about sex.
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ν•œ μƒλ‹΄μ—μ„œ 아이가 성관계에 λŒ€ν•œ μ§ˆλ¬Έμ„ ν•  수 μžˆλŠ”μ§€ λ¬Όμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:14
She said that she was confused about the bases
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μ•„μ΄λŠ” μ„±κ΄€κ³„μ˜ μˆœμ„œλ₯Ό 잘 λͺ¨λ₯΄κ² λ‹€κ³  λ§ν•˜κ³ 
03:18
and wondered if it was really true that second base was anal sex.
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두 번째 μˆœμ„œκ°€ ν•­λ¬Έ μ„±κ΅λΌλŠ” 게 정말인지 κΆκΈˆν•΄ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:23
(Audience murmurs)
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(청쀑듀 μ›…μ„±κ±°λ¦Ό)
03:25
I was as shocked as you are.
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저도 μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„λ§ŒνΌ 좩격을 λ°›μ•˜μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:28
And yes, when I asked her, she did know what anal sex is.
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μ œκ°€ λ¬Όμ—ˆμ„ λ•Œ μ•„μ΄λŠ” ν•­λ¬Έ 성ꡐ가 무엇인지 μ•Œκ³  μžˆμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
아이가 κ·ΈλŸ¬ν•œ 정보λ₯Ό 얻은 곳은 μΉœκ΅¬λ“€μ΄ 보여쀀 포λ₯΄λ…Έ μ˜μƒλ“€μ΄μ—ˆμ£ .
03:32
She had gotten her information from watching a few porn clips
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03:34
her friends had showed her
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03:36
during study hall at school.
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학ꡐ 자율 ν•™μŠ΅ μ‹œκ°„μ—μš”.
03:40
Thankfully, because of the trusting relationship she had with me,
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λ‹€ν–‰νžˆλ„ μ €μ™€μ˜ μ‹ λ’° 관계 덕뢄에
03:44
she was able to have this misconception corrected
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μ•„μ΄λŠ” 이 잘λͺ»λœ 생각을 λ°”λ‘œμž‘μ„ 수 μžˆμ—ˆκ³ ,
이에 λŒ€ν•œ λΆˆμ•ˆκ°λ„ ν•΄μ†Œν•  수 μžˆμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:47
and her anxiety about it relieved.
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03:49
With her permission, I was also able to loop her mom in on the conversation
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μ•„μ΄μ˜ λ™μ˜λ₯Ό λ°›μ•„, μ•„μ΄μ˜ μ–΄λ¨Έλ‹ˆλ„ 이 λŒ€ν™”μ— μ°Έμ—¬ν•˜κ²Œ ν•΄μ„œ
03:53
so she could be a resource for her daughter.
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아이 μ—„λ§ˆκ°€ 도움을 쀄 수 μžˆλ„λ‘ ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
04:00
I've worked hard to cultivate this type of relationship with my own daughters.
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μ €λŠ” 제 딸듀과도 이런 μ‹ λ’° 관계λ₯Ό μŒ“κΈ° μœ„ν•΄ λ…Έλ ₯ν•΄ μ™”μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
04:05
So when my 13-year-old said,
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κ·Έλž˜μ„œ μ—΄μ„Έ μ‚΄μ§œλ¦¬ 딸이
04:07
β€œMom, can I ask you a question?” ...
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β€œμ—„λ§ˆ, 질문 ν•˜λ‚˜ 해도 λΌμš”?” 라고 ν–ˆμ„ λ•Œ
04:10
kid speak for "be prepared for anything,"
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μ΄λŠ” μ€€λΉ„λ₯Ό λ‹¨λ‹¨νžˆ ν•˜λΌλŠ” 말인 κ±Έ μ•Œμ•˜μ£ .
04:13
(Laughter)
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(μ›ƒμŒ)
04:14
I listened.
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μ €λŠ” κ·€λ₯Ό κΈ°μšΈμ˜€μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
04:16
Which is why, sitting at a stoplight on a summer morning,
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κ·Έλž˜μ„œ 여름 μ•„μΉ¨, μ‹ ν˜Έλ“±μ„ κΈ°λ‹€λ¦¬λ©΄μ„œ,
04:20
my daughter felt comfortable telling me she had started to masturbate
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제 딸은 μžμœ„λ₯Ό μ‹œμž‘ν–ˆλ‹€κ³  νŽΈμ•ˆν•˜κ²Œ λ§ν–ˆκ³ 
04:24
and was even willing to share with me what she was using to do so.
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μžμœ„ν•  λ•Œ 무엇을 μ“°λŠ”μ§€κΉŒμ§€ 기꺼이 μ•Œλ €μ£Όμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
04:29
This is how I learned that she was masturbating in a way
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κ·Έλ ‡κ²Œ μ €λŠ” 딸이 μ•ˆμ „ν•˜μ§€ μ•Šμ€ μ‹μœΌλ‘œ μžμœ„λ₯Ό ν•œλ‹€λŠ” κ±Έ μ•Œκ²Œ λ˜μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
04:32
that was not safe for her body.
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04:36
And so, in a span of one red light,
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κ·Έλž˜μ„œ μ €λŠ” μ •μ§€ μ‹ ν˜Έμ— κ±Έλ¦° 짧은 μˆœκ°„ λ™μ•ˆ
λ”Έμ—κ²Œ λ°”μ΄λΈŒλ ˆμ΄ν„°λ₯Ό μ‚¬μ£ΌκΈ°λ‘œ κ²°μ‹¬ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
04:40
I decided to buy my daughter a vibrator.
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04:43
I wanted to support her in the safe exploration of her body
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μ €λŠ” 딸이 μžμ‹ μ˜ λͺΈμ„ μ•ˆμ „ν•˜κ²Œ 탐ꡬ할 수 μžˆλ„λ‘ λ•κ³ μž ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
04:46
instead of burying my head in the sand,
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μ €λŠ” 문제λ₯Ό μ™Έλ©΄ν•˜μ§€ μ•Šμ•˜μ–΄μš”.
04:49
which is so tempting to do as parents with things that make us uncomfortable.
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λΆ€λͺ¨λ‘œμ„œ λΆˆνŽΈν•œ 주제λ₯Ό μ™Έλ©΄ν•˜κ³  싢은 μœ ν˜Ήμ€ 무척 μ»Έμ§€λ§Œμš”.
성관계에 κ΄€ν•œ λ¬Έμ œμ—μ„œλŠ”
04:55
When it comes to sex,
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04:56
we all need to become trusted resources for our kids.
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우리 λͺ¨λ‘λŠ” μ•„μ΄λ“€μ—κ²Œ 믿을 수 μžˆλŠ” μ‘΄μž¬κ°€ λ˜μ–΄μ•Ό ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
05:02
They need to be comfortable coming to us with questions
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아이듀은 μ§ˆλ¬Έν•˜λŸ¬ 올 λ•Œ νŽΈμ•ˆν•¨μ„ λŠκ»΄μ•Ό ν•˜κ³ ,
μ •μ§ν•œ 닡을 받을 κ²ƒμ΄λΌλŠ” 확신을 κ°€μ§€κ²Œ ν•΄μ•Ό ν•˜μ£ .
05:05
and know they will get straight answers.
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05:08
And while this is certainly true in regards to accurate information,
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μ •ν™•ν•œ 정보가 μ€‘μš”ν•˜λ‹€λŠ” 것은 λ¬Όλ‘  λ§žλŠ” λ§μ΄μ§€λ§Œ
05:12
sometimes it's also about giving them the appropriate tool.
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λ•Œλ‘œλŠ” μ μ ˆν•œ 도ꡬλ₯Ό μ œκ³΅ν•˜λŠ” 것도 μ€‘μš”ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
05:21
When we talk about girls knowing and exploring their bodies,
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μ—¬μžμ•„μ΄λ“€μ΄ μžμ‹ μ˜ λͺΈμ„ μ•Œκ³  νƒκ΅¬ν•˜λŠ” 것에 κ΄€ν•΄ μ΄μ•ΌκΈ°ν•˜λŠ” 것은
05:24
it's easy to get uncomfortable.
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μ‰½κ²Œ μ–΄μƒ‰ν•΄μ§ˆ 수 μžˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
05:27
But girls becoming familiar with their bodies is about health.
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ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ μ†Œλ…€λ“€μ΄ λͺΈμ— μ΅μˆ™ν•΄μ§€λŠ” 것은 건강에 κ΄€ν•œ λ¬Έμ œμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
05:31
Masturbation helps girls reduce stress,
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μžμœ„λŠ” μ†Œλ…€λ“€μ΄ 슀트레슀λ₯Ό 쀄이고,
05:33
ease headaches and alleviate cramps associated with their periods.
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두톡을 μ™„ν™”ν•΄ μ£Όλ©°, 생리톡을 μ€„μ΄λŠ” 데 도움이 λ©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
μ†Œλ…€λ“€μ΄ μžμ‹ μ˜ λͺΈμ„ νƒκ΅¬ν•˜λ©΄μ„œ,
05:39
When girls explore their bodies,
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05:40
they learn how their bodies feel when they are healthy,
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건강할 λ•Œ λͺΈμ΄ μ–΄λ–»κ²Œ λŠκ»΄μ§€λŠ”μ§€ μ•Œκ²Œ 되며,
05:43
which also helps them recognize changes and potential problems.
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μ΄λŠ” λͺΈμ˜ λ³€ν™”λ‚˜ 잠재적인 문제λ₯Ό μΈμ‹ν•˜λŠ” 데도 도움이 λ©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
05:49
They have to touch their bodies to know their bodies.
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자기 λͺΈμ„ μ•Œλ €λ©΄ 자기 λͺΈμ„ λ§Œμ Έμ•Ό ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
05:54
This became clear to me
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이 사싀이 λͺ…ν™•ν•΄μ§„ 것은 μ œκ°€ ν•œ 성인 λ‚΄λ‹΄μžμ™€ μƒλ‹΄ν•˜λŠ” 쀑에
05:56
when I was working with one of my adult clients
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05:58
after her diagnosis with stage four breast cancer.
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κ·Έλ…€κ°€ μœ λ°©μ•” 4κΈ° 진단을 받은 ν›„μ˜€μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
06:02
As we discussed her prognosis, she said to me,
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μœ λ°©μ•” μ˜ˆν›„μ— λŒ€ν•΄ μ΄μ•ΌκΈ°ν•˜λ˜ 쀑, κ·Έλ…€κ°€ λ§ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
06:05
"Robin, if I'd only done my breast checks,
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β€œλ‘œλΉˆ, λ‚΄κ°€ 유방 검진을 ν–ˆλ”λΌλ©΄
06:08
maybe I would have caught it sooner.
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μ–΄μ©Œλ©΄ 더 일찍 λ°œκ²¬ν–ˆμ„ κ±°μ˜ˆμš”.
06:12
Maybe I wouldn't be dying."
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μ–΄μ©Œλ©΄ μ£½μ§„ μ•Šμ„ 텐데.”
06:16
But my client had been raised believing that touching herself was inappropriate.
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ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ 이 λ‚΄λ‹΄μžλŠ” λͺΈμ„ λ§Œμ§€λŠ” 것이 λΆ€μ μ ˆν•˜λ‹€κ³  배우며 μžλžμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
06:20
On the few occasions she did a breast check,
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λ“œλ¬Όκ²Œ 유방 검진을 ν•œ κ²½μš°μ—λ„ κ·Έλ…€λŠ” μ–΄λ–€ 게 정상인지 λͺ°λžκ³ ,
06:23
she didn't know what was typical,
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06:25
and she rushed through them feeling embarrassed.
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λΆ€λ„λŸ¬μ›Œν•˜λ©° μ„œλ‘˜λŸ¬ 검사λ₯Ό λλƒˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
06:29
When girls are comfortable touching their bodies,
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μ†Œλ…€λ“€μ΄ μžμ‹ μ˜ λͺΈμ„ λ§Œμ§€λŠ” 것을 νŽΈμ•ˆν•΄ ν•  λ•Œ,
06:31
whether for self breast checks or for pleasure,
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μžκ°€ 유방 검진이든 μΎŒλ½μ„ μœ„ν•œ 것이든,
06:34
they learn about their bodies.
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자기 λͺΈμ— λŒ€ν•΄ μ•Œκ²Œ λ©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
06:38
And when they know their bodies, they can better own their bodies.
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자기 λͺΈμ„ μ•Œκ²Œ 되면, 더 잘 λ‹€λ£° 수 μžˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
06:43
This is important when it comes to sex.
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μ΄λŠ” μ„±κ΄€κ³„μ—μ„œ μ€‘μš”ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
06:46
Too often, others are dictating what girls should expect,
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μ†Œλ…€λ“€μ΄ 무엇을 κΈ°λŒ€ν•˜κ³ , μ›ν•˜κ³  감내해야 ν•˜λŠ”μ§€λ₯Ό
06:49
want and put up with.
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λ‹€λ₯Έ μ‚¬λžŒλ“€μ΄ μ •ν•˜λŠ” κ²½μš°κ°€ λ„ˆλ¬΄λ‚˜ ν”ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
μ΄λŸ¬ν•œ κΈ°λŒ€λŠ” 포λ₯΄λ…Έ, μ†Œμ…œ λ―Έλ””μ–΄, μ •μΉ˜μΈ,
06:53
These expectations are being set by pornography, social media, politicians
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06:59
and partners who are either much more experienced
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더 κ²½ν—˜μ΄ λ§Žκ±°λ‚˜ ν˜Ήμ€ λ˜‘κ°™μ΄ κ²½ν—˜μ΄ λΆ€μ‘±ν•œ μƒλŒ€λ“€μ΄ μ •ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
07:01
or equally inexperienced.
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07:04
I mean, let's face it.
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μ†”μ§νžˆ 말해 λ΄…μ‹œλ‹€.
07:06
What does the average teenage boy know about the female clitoris
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평균적인 μ‹­ λŒ€ μ†Œλ…„μ΄
μ—¬μ„±μ˜ ν΄λ¦¬ν† λ¦¬μŠ€λ‚˜ 였λ₯΄κ°€μŠ΄μ— λŒ€ν•΄ μ–Όλ§ˆλ‚˜ μ•Œκ³  μžˆμ„κΉŒμš”?
07:10
or the female orgasm?
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07:11
(Laughter and applause)
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(μ›ƒμŒκ³Ό λ°•μˆ˜)
07:17
Given the statistics that about 15 percent of women have never had an orgasm
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톡계λ₯Ό 보면, μ—¬μ„±μ˜ μ•½ 15%λŠ” 였λ₯΄κ°€μŠ΄μ„ ν•œ λ²ˆλ„ κ²½ν—˜ν•˜μ§€ λͺ»ν–ˆκ³ ,
07:22
and 81 percent of women do not orgasm through vaginal sex,
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81%λŠ” 질 μ„±κ΅μ—μ„œ 였λ₯΄κ°€μŠ΄μ„ λŠλΌμ§€ λͺ»ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
07:27
it is important for our girls to know that it's OK to figure out
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그렇기에 μ†Œλ…€λ“€μ΄
무엇이 μžμ‹ μ—κ²Œ μΎŒλ½μ„ μ£ΌλŠ”μ§€ μ•„λŠ” 것이 μ€‘μš”ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
07:31
what gives them pleasure.
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07:34
And that they don't have to rely on someone else for that pleasure.
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λ˜ν•œ κ·Έ μΎŒλ½μ„ μœ„ν•΄ νƒ€μΈμ—κ²Œ μ˜μ‘΄ν•  ν•„μš”κ°€ μ—†λ‹€λŠ” 것을 μ•Œμ•„μ•Ό ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
07:38
(Applause)
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(λ°•μˆ˜)
07:42
This can help them make choices which benefit them.
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이것이 μ†Œλ…€λ“€μ΄ μžμ‹ μ—κ²Œ 더 λ‚˜μ€ 선택을 ν•˜λ„λ‘ ν•΄μ€λ‹ˆλ‹€.
07:45
As an example, another one of my clients shared with me that she uses her vibrator
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예λ₯Ό λ“€μ–΄, 또 λ‹€λ₯Έ 제 λ‚΄λ‹΄μžλŠ”
λ°μ΄νŠΈν•˜κΈ° 전에 λ°”μ΄λΈŒλ ˆμ΄ν„°λ₯Ό μ‚¬μš©ν•œλ‹€κ³  ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
07:49
before she goes on any date.
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07:51
(Laughter)
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(μ›ƒμŒ)
07:54
This way,
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μ΄λ ‡κ²Œ ν•˜λ©΄ μƒλŒ€μ— λŒ€ν•΄ μ˜¬λ°”λ‘œ νŒλ‹¨ν•  수 μžˆλ‹€λŠ” κ±°μ£ .
07:55
she can make judgments about the date
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07:57
based on the person and their connection rather than on hormones.
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μΈκ°„μ„±μ΄λ‚˜ μ†Œν†΅μ„ κΈ°μ€€μœΌλ‘œ ν•΄μ„œμš”.
호λ₯΄λͺ¬μ΄ μ•„λ‹ˆλΌμš”.
08:01
(Laughter)
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(μ›ƒμŒ)
08:05
And then when our daughters do decide to have sex with someone else,
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그러면 우리 딸듀이 λ‹€λ₯Έ μ‚¬λžŒκ³Ό 성관계λ₯Ό κ°–κΈ°λ‘œ ν–ˆμ„ λ•Œ,
08:09
they will know enough about their sexual pleasure
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μžμ‹ μ΄ λŠλΌλŠ” 성적 μΎŒλ½μ— λŒ€ν•΄ μΆ©λΆ„νžˆ μ•Œκ³ 
08:12
to be able to communicate what feels good to their partners.
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무엇이 쒋은지 μƒλŒ€μ—κ²Œ 말할 수 있게 될 κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
08:17
They won't have to follow the outdated norms
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우리 아이듀이 더 이상 잘λͺ»λœ λ―ΏμŒμ— μ–½λ§€μ—¬μ„œ
08:19
of tolerating unsatisfying experiences,
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λ§Œμ‘±μŠ€λŸ½μ§€ μ•Šμ€ κ²½ν—˜μ„ μ°Έκ³ , λ§Œμ‘±ν•˜λŠ” μ²™ν•˜κ±°λ‚˜
08:22
faking it, or even believing that their sole purpose
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μžμ‹ μ˜ 역할이 μƒλŒ€μ˜ μΎŒλ½λ§Œμ„ μœ„ν•œ 것이라고 생각할 ν•„μš”κ°€ μ—†μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
08:26
is to serve someone else's pleasure.
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08:31
Our daughters will get the message
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우리 딸듀은 μžμ‹ μ˜ μš•κ΅¬μ™€ ν•„μš”κ°€ μ€‘μš”ν•˜λ‹€λŠ” λ©”μ‹œμ§€λ₯Ό 받을 κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
08:33
that their wants and needs are important.
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08:41
Learning not to be ashamed of their sexual pleasure
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성적 μΎŒλ½μ— λŒ€ν•΄ λΆ€λ„λŸ¬μ›Œν•˜μ§€ μ•ŠλŠ” 법을 λ°°μš°λŠ” 것은
08:43
is not limited to girls and young women.
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μ†Œλ…€λ“€κ³Ό μ Šμ€ μ—¬μ„±λ“€λ§Œμ˜ 일이 μ•„λ‹™λ‹ˆλ‹€.
08:46
I worked with a 65-year-old woman who had never, ever had an orgasm.
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μ €λŠ” 였λ₯΄κ°€μŠ΄μ„ λŠλ‚€ 적이 μ—†λŠ” μ˜ˆμˆœλ‹€μ„― μ‚΄ 여성을 λ΄€μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
08:52
She came to me for coaching because she felt demoralized.
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κ·Έλ…€λŠ” μžμ‹ μ΄ μ˜μš•μ„ μžƒμ—ˆλ‹€κ³  느껴 상담을 ν•˜λŸ¬ μ™”μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
08:56
She had recently retired from her vice-president position,
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졜근 κ·Έλ…€λŠ” 뢀사μž₯μ§μ—μ„œ μ€ν‡΄ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
더 μ Šμ€ μž„μ›λ“€μ„ κ³ μš©ν•œ νšŒμ‚¬μ˜ 압박을 λ°›μ•˜λ‹€κ³  느끼고 μžˆμ—ˆμ£ .
08:59
feeling pushed out by her company as they hired younger executives.
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09:03
She had two goals for coaching.
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상담 λͺ©ν‘œλŠ” 두 κ°€μ§€μ˜€μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
09:05
The first was to find new ways to spend her time
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첫 λ²ˆμ§ΈλŠ” 의미 μžˆλŠ” λ°©μ‹μœΌλ‘œ μ‹œκ°„μ„ 보낼 μƒˆλ‘œμš΄ 방법을 μ°ΎλŠ” κ²ƒμ΄μ—ˆκ³ ,
09:08
which gave her purpose.
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09:10
The second one was, and I quote,
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두 λ²ˆμ§ΈλŠ”, μΈμš©ν•˜μžλ©΄,
09:14
"to try out an orgasm."
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β€˜μ˜€λ₯΄κ°€μŠ΄μ„ λŠκ»΄λ³΄λŠ” κ²ƒβ€™μ΄μ—ˆμ£ .
09:16
(Laughter)
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(μ›ƒμŒ)
09:20
When she was ready,
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μ€€λΉ„κ°€ 되자 κ·Έλ…€λŠ” λ°”μ΄λΈŒλ ˆμ΄ν„°λ₯Ό κ΅¬λ§€ν–ˆκ³ 
09:22
my client bought herself a vibrator
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09:24
and began learning about her body for the first time in her life.
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생애 처음으둜 μžμ‹ μ˜ λͺΈμ— λŒ€ν•΄ μ•Œμ•„κ°€κΈ° μ‹œμž‘ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
09:31
I will never forget the day when she came to our session,
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μ œκ°€ μ ˆλŒ€ μžŠμ§€ λͺ»ν•  λ‚ μ΄μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
κ·Έλ…€κ°€ μƒλ‹΄ν•˜λŸ¬ μ™€μ„œ μ–Œμ „ν•˜κ²Œ μ•‰λ”λ‹ˆ ν™˜ν•œ λ―Έμ†Œλ₯Ό μ§€μœΌλ©° μ΄λ ‡κ²Œ λ§ν–ˆμ£ .
09:34
sat down demurely and said with a big, beautiful grin,
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09:38
"Second goal achieved."
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β€œλ‘ 번째 λͺ©ν‘œλ₯Ό λ‹¬μ„±ν–ˆμ–΄μš”.”
09:40
(Laughter and applause)
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(μ›ƒμŒκ³Ό λ°•μˆ˜)
09:48
As she continued to learn about herself and her sexual pleasure,
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μžμ‹ κ³Ό 성적 μΎŒλ½μ— λŒ€ν•΄ 더 μ•Œμ•„κ°€λ©΄μ„œ,
09:51
my client stopped referring to herself as old.
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κ·Έλ…€λŠ” 더 이상 μžμ‹ μ„ λŠ™μ—ˆλ‹€κ³  ν‘œν˜„ν•˜μ§€ μ•Šκ²Œ λ˜μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
09:54
She accepted a board position for a national nonprofit.
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κ·Έλ…€λŠ” μ „κ΅­ 규λͺ¨ λΉ„μ˜λ¦¬ λ‹¨μ²΄μ˜ 이사 직책을 μˆ˜λ½ν–ˆκ³ ,
09:58
She even created a profile on eHarmony.
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심지어 온라인 데이트 ν”Œλž«νΌμ— ν”„λ‘œν•„κΉŒμ§€ λ“±λ‘ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
10:01
(Laughter)
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(μ›ƒμŒ)
10:02
Can I say it was simply due to the orgasm?
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λ‹¨μˆœνžˆ 였λ₯΄κ°€μŠ΄ λ•Œλ¬Έμ΄λΌκ³  ν•  수 μžˆμ„κΉŒμš”?
10:05
Of course not.
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λ¬Όλ‘  μ•„λ‹ˆμ£ .
10:07
But in asking for more from this one area of her life,
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κ·Έλ…€κ°€ μ‚Άμ˜ 이 μ˜μ—­μ—μ„œ 더 λ§Žμ€ 것을 μš”κ΅¬ν•˜κ²Œ λ˜λ©΄μ„œ,
10:10
she realized she could do the same in other areas of her life.
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μ‚Άμ˜ λ‹€λ₯Έ μ˜μ—­μ—μ„œλ„ λ³€ν™”λ₯Ό μΌμœΌν‚¬ 수 μžˆλ‹€λŠ” 점을 κΉ¨λ‹¬μ•˜μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
10:18
We can help our daughters adopt this perspective
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μš°λ¦¬λŠ” 딸듀이 이 λ‚΄λ‹΄μžλ³΄λ‹€ 훨씬 더 이λ₯Έ μ‹œμ μ—
10:21
long before my client did.
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이런 관점을 갖도둝 λ„μšΈ 수 μžˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
10:24
We can support their healthy sexual development,
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μš°λ¦¬λŠ” κ·Έλ“€μ˜ κ±΄κ°•ν•œ 성적 λ°œλ‹¬, κ·Έ 이상을 지원할 뿐만 μ•„λ‹ˆλΌ,
10:28
but even more,
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10:32
by doing so, we empower their entire sense of selves.
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이λ₯Ό 톡해 κ·Έλ“€μ˜ μžμ•„ 전체λ₯Ό κ°•ν™”ν•  수 μžˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
10:38
This is about helping our girls step into their power,
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이것은 μ†Œλ…€λ“€μ΄ μžμ‹ κ°μ„ 느끼고 μ„±μž₯ν•˜μ—¬,
10:41
raising them to become strong women who can speak up for themselves,
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슀슀둜 λͺ©μ†Œλ¦¬λ₯Ό λ‚Ό 수 μžˆλŠ” κ°•ν•œ μ—¬μ„±μœΌλ‘œ μžλΌλ„λ‘ λ•λŠ” μΌμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
10:45
whether they are in the bedroom or in the boardroom.
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μΉ¨μ‹€μ—μ„œλ“  νšŒμ˜μ‹€μ—μ„œλ“  말이죠.
10:48
(Applause)
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(λ°•μˆ˜)
10:54
Recently, my younger daughter reminded me
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졜근, 제 μž‘μ€ 딸이 μžμ‹ μ΄ μ–Όλ§ˆλ‚˜ μ˜κ²¬μ„ 잘 ν‘œν˜„ν•  수 μžˆλŠ”μ§€λ₯Ό
10:56
of just how well she can speak up for herself.
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λ‹€μ‹œ ν•œλ²ˆ λ³΄μ—¬μ£Όμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
10:59
(Laughter)
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(μ›ƒμŒ)
11:00
A few months ago,
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λͺ‡ 달 μ „, 아이가 μΉœκ΅¬λ“€κ³Ό 밖에 μžˆμ—ˆλŠ”λ°
11:01
she was out with friends and called to let me know and she'd be home.
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집에 λŒμ•„μ˜€κ² λ‹€κ³  μ „ν™”ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
11:05
She's good like that.
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제 딸은 그런 λΆ€λΆ„μ—μ„œ μ°Έ λŠ₯μˆ™ν•˜μ£ .
11:07
As we were wrapping up the conversation, she said,
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λŒ€ν™”κ°€ 끝날 무렡, 제 딸이 λ§ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
11:09
"Oh, by the way, mom, my vibrator broke.
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β€œμ–΄, 그런데 μ—„λ§ˆ, 제 λ°”μ΄λΈŒλ ˆμ΄ν„°κ°€ κ³ μž₯ λ‚¬μ–΄μš”.
11:11
Can you pick me up a new one?"
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μƒˆλ‘œ ν•˜λ‚˜ 사 μ£Όμ‹€ 수 μžˆμ–΄μš”?”
11:13
(Laughter)
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(μ›ƒμŒ)
11:16
Later on, she told me that after she hung up,
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λ‚˜μ€‘μ— 아이가 μ „ν™”λ₯Ό 끊고 λ‚˜μ„œ μΉœκ΅¬λ“€μ΄ μ΄μ•ΌκΈ°ν•œ κ±Έ λ§ν•΄μ€¬μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
11:18
her friends said,
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μΉœκ΅¬λ“€μ΄ μ΄λ ‡κ²Œ λ§ν–ˆλ‹΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
11:20
"We can't believe your mom bought you a vibrator."
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β€œμ—„λ§ˆκ°€ λ°”μ΄λΈŒλ ˆμ΄ν„°λ₯Ό μ‚¬μ€¬λ‹€λ‹ˆ, 믿을 μˆ˜κ°€ μ—†μ–΄.”
11:24
To which my daughter responded,
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제 딸은 μ΄λ ‡κ²Œ λŒ€λ‹΅ν–ˆλ‹΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
11:27
"I can't believe your moms haven't."
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β€œλ„ˆλ„€ μ—„λ§ˆλ“€μ€ μ•ˆ κ·ΈλŸ°λ‹€λ‹ˆ 믿을 μˆ˜κ°€ μ—†μ–΄.”
(μ›ƒμŒ)
11:30
Thank you.
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κ³ λ§™μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
11:31
(Cheers and applause)
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(ν™˜ν˜Έμ™€ λ°•μˆ˜)
이 μ›Ήμ‚¬μ΄νŠΈ 정보

이 μ‚¬μ΄νŠΈλŠ” μ˜μ–΄ ν•™μŠ΅μ— μœ μš©ν•œ YouTube λ™μ˜μƒμ„ μ†Œκ°œν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€. μ „ 세계 졜고의 μ„ μƒλ‹˜λ“€μ΄ κ°€λ₯΄μΉ˜λŠ” μ˜μ–΄ μˆ˜μ—…μ„ 보게 될 κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€. 각 λ™μ˜μƒ νŽ˜μ΄μ§€μ— ν‘œμ‹œλ˜λŠ” μ˜μ–΄ μžλ§‰μ„ 더블 ν΄λ¦­ν•˜λ©΄ κ·Έκ³³μ—μ„œ λ™μ˜μƒμ΄ μž¬μƒλ©λ‹ˆλ‹€. λΉ„λ””μ˜€ μž¬μƒμ— 맞좰 μžλ§‰μ΄ μŠ€ν¬λ‘€λ©λ‹ˆλ‹€. μ˜κ²¬μ΄λ‚˜ μš”μ²­μ΄ μžˆλŠ” 경우 이 문의 양식을 μ‚¬μš©ν•˜μ—¬ λ¬Έμ˜ν•˜μ‹­μ‹œμ˜€.

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