"Afterneath" / "Killing Me" | Luke Sital-Singh

(Piano)

(Singing) It was done

When the benediction had been sung

Firelight gently woke us from our golden night

My surprise

I can turn to see your open eyes

And I know You are alive

I know that smile

Nothing more

In the after

There is waking from your sleep

And your lover

Is the only face you see

We are after

Ever after

There is laughter

Afterneath

The war

Nobody ever even asked what for

Up above

Nothing matters but the ones you love

So get out with me

Now you've got enough with me

Just the two of us you see

And nothing more

In the after

There is waking from your sleep

And your lover

Is the only face you see

We are after

Ever after

There is laughter Afterneath

Oh, we after

Ever after

There is laughter

Afterneath

Oh

Oh

Oh

Oh

Thank you.

(Applause)

Thank you very much.

(Applause)

Thanks.

I love a depressing song ...

(Laughter)

you know?

I've been writing them for 15 years now,

and to be honest, over that time,

I've come to kind of believe that they're not really depressing at all.

In fact, I think they're kind of the most important songs we have.

Songs that sing of sorrow,

of grief,

of longing,

of the darker side of love,

the underside of being alive,

these are the songs I just never tire of hearing

and I never tire of writing,

because they make me feel less alone.

They speak to a very real part of being human

that can often be hidden in fear and shame

and pushed deep down where it lingers and rots.

But I think in listening to these songs --

really listening --

can allow us to refeel these hard emotions,

but in a cathartic and healing way.

In a way that reminds us, as we listen, that we're not alone in darkness.

There's a Japanese phrase known as "mono no aware,"

which roughly translates as "the bittersweet poignancy of things,"

or the pathos or "ahness" of things.

It's a valuable awareness of impermanence,

both a kind of gentle, transient sadness as things pass by in life,

but also a deeper, softly lingering sadness

about the impermanence of all reality.

"Mono no aware" can be manifest in lots of life stories and moments

and songs.

One example in Japanese culture is the celebration of the cherry blossom.

The cherry blossom in and of itself is no more impressive

than that of an apple or orange tree,

but what sets it apart is its brevity.

Cherry blossoms fall within a single week --

can be whisked away on the gentlest breeze --

and it's this that makes it more beautiful.

It's utterly fragile,

and fragility gives life its poignancy.

Now, being a cheery chap,

nothing speaks to me more than this, and --

(Laughter)

you know, I think it's been the essence of my songwriting for years,

of what moves me to write,

what inspires me to sing.

Because pain and grief and doubt,

when it's made manifest in music, in song --

when it's made beautiful in poetry and painting,

it can build a community and a kinship

in the knowledge that we are none of us alone in darkness.

My next song is one that I call "Killing Me,"

and as the name suggests,

it's not a dance floor favorite.

(Laughter)

But it isn't miserable.

It's full of love and hope.

And I think it exemplifies everything I've been talking about.

And it's the first song I've written from the perspective of somebody else,

specifically my grandmother,

as she lives on without my late grandfather,

as she experiences new things in her life --

her grandchildren getting married,

having their own children,

speaking at TED --

all the while she lives without,

and all the while she misses her soul mate.

Thank you.

(Piano)

(Singing) Sweetheart would you wake up today?

I promise you would recognize my faith

I want to show you how I've grown in this place

In this place I'm not alone

And I know I'll be OK

But it's always harder When the winter comes to stay

And I can't help remember all the words I never said

And it's killing me That you're not here with me

I'm living happily

But I'm feeling guilty

And you won't believe The wonders I can see

This world is changing me

But I will love you faithfully.

(Piano)

Oh, everything is taller these days

Maybe I feel smaller and time rushes away

So much I could show you

How all the great-grandchildren

Have been laughing like we did when we were young

I've been laughing like we did when we were young

Oh, it's killing me that you're not here with me

I'm living happily

But I'm feeling guilty

Oh, you won't believe The wonders I can see

This world is changing me

I will love you faithfully

Oh

Oh

Oh

Oh

Oh, it's killing me

That you're not here with me

I'm living happily

But I'm feeling guilty

Oh, you won't believe The wonders I can see

This world is changing me

I will love you faithfully

Oh, it's killing me

That you're not here with me

I'm living happily

But I'm feeling guilty

Oh, you won't believe The wonders I can see

This world is changing me

But I will love you faithfully

Thank you very much.

(Applause and cheering)