Using the Historical Present to Improve YOUR Jokes and Stories! | English Grammar Lesson

So yesterday morning, I'm running a bit late, I grab a piece of toast and

head out to my car, but my car won't start. So I have to take the bus.

Now, let me pause me right there.

Did you notice anything unusual grammatically about what she,

I just said? When did all this happen?

So yesterday morning. I'm running a bit late ...

Yesterday morning. So it's past, right?

OK, so listen again. How many past verb forms can you hear?

 

   

Thank you, Joanne. Right, let's look at the score.

Now would you look at that:

zero, nil, nothing, zilch, nought.

I think we can agree that this did happen in the past.

So how is it that Joanne didn't use any past forms?

Did I, she make a mistake? Well, surprisingly, no.

Let me explain how it's possible to use the present

to talk about the past. We call it the historical present,

or it may also be called the dramatic present or narrative present.

We use it a lot when we tell jokes or anecdotes, for example,

because using present forms to describe past actions makes

the story seem more immediate, more engaging, more personal.

We also see present forms being used for the past a lot in news headlines,

whether read by news readers or written in print or online.

And historians might use it to talk about the ancient past

in a way to make history more appealing.

  In 1066 William the Conqueror invades

and thousands of new words enter the English language.

Now, in all of these cases, we could use past forms.

Let's get Joanne back to tell us the story again,

  only this time using past forms.

Let's have a look at the past form score board,

and we've got a grand total of five.

Exactly the same events, but using past forms.

It's not quite as involving, not quite as engaging, but it is still correct.

Now, I want to go back to the car.

My car won't start.

Notice here that we have what might appear to be a future form being

used in the present to talk about something that happened in the past.

The first thing to mention here is that

'will' is not really a future form.

It's a modal auxiliary and we do use it to talk about an intention

to do something in the future, say, for example, opening a window.

It's hot. I'll open the window.

The act of opening the window might be in the future,

but the intention to open it is in the present, at the moment of speaking.

It might seem weird, but 'will' actually refers to present time, not future time.

And believe it or not, it's the same for would and wouldn't.

In the same way that will and won't are not about future time,

would and wouldn't aren't about past time.

It's a bit more tricky to get your head around that point.

So I would prefer to talk about that another time.

Oh look! I just use 'would' to talk about something that hasn't happened yet.

Hmm. An example that shows it can't be the past.

So I'm going to have to knock off a point from our past-o-meter.

Before I leave you, one more thing to make you think.

As we've seen, 'will' is used for an intention,

a plan, an idea to do something. So when we say:

My car won't start!

Are we suggesting the car doesn't have the will to start,

it has chosen not to start just to wind us up, just to make us angry?

It may be we choose to give the human quality of stubbornness to

an inanimate object as a way to express our frustration.

Well, my car certainly is inanimate at the moment, and that is very frustrating.