The art of conversation - 6 Minute English

Hello. This is 6 Minute English from

BBC Learning English. I’m Sam.

And I’m Neil.

Recently I met up with an old school

friend who I hadn’t seen for years.

We talked for hours…

It sounds like you had a good chinwag –

a long and pleasant conversation between friends,

which is great because in this programme

we’re talking about talking. We’ll  be discussing conservations –

the exchange of ideas, thoughts and feelings

that happens when people talk to each other.

And as usual we’ll be learning

some new vocabulary as well.

With the rise of Twitter and social media,

which encourages us to give our opinion

on a subject without always listening in return,

some think the art of conversation is being lost.

But luckily, there are still millions of us who

love to talk, chat, chinwag and chatter away.

In fact, in 2012 a competition in Latvia broke

the world record for the longest telephone

conversation. So, Neil, my question is this:

how long did this record-breaking  conversation last? Was it:

a) 24 hours and 4 minutes?

b) 54 hours and 4 minutes? or,

c) 84 hours and 4 minutes?

Hmmm, I’ll guess a) 24 hours and 4 minutes,

after which they probably fell asleep!

OK, Neil, I’ll reveal the correct answer later

in the programme. During a long career, DJ

and BBC radio presenter, Nihal Arthanayake,

has had conversations with hundreds of people.

Now he’s used these experiences to write a book

entitled, ‘Let's Talk: How  to Have Better Conversations’.

Here Nihal tells another radio presenter,

Michael Rosen, of BBC Radio 4’s, Word of Mouth,

about the influence of his mother who

also loved talking to people  in her job as a nurse:

Well, it gave me the sense that you are enriched

by listening. And this was of course, pre-social

media which has of course encouraged us to

project - to transmit - more than receive.

So it meant that I guess I was conscious of

experiences of others, and wanted to try and

understand them. Also, partially, Michael,

it was a survival instinct because I was a little

brown boy in a predominantly white school,

a state school in the 1980s.

For Nihal, good conversation involves listening

as much as speaking. By listening we find out

things about the person we are talking to which,

in turn, help us understand ourselves.

This is why Nihal says we  are enriched by listening –

we are improved by having something else added.

As a British Asian boy growing  up in a white community,

Nihal also thinks conversation was a way for him

to make friends and find protection. He says

having conversations was a survival instinct -

the human instinct to do something in a dangerous

situation that will keep them safe from harm.

Nihal sees an important difference between

‘listening simply to reply’,  and ‘listening to understand’.

When we ‘listen to reply’, we are thinking about

the next thing we want to say more than trying

to understand the other person’s point of view.

‘Listening to understand’, on the other hand,

helps build bridges - improve relationships

between people who are very different

or do not like each other.

Here’s Nihal again in conversation

with BBC Radio 4’s, Word of Mouth:

So conversation can build bridges,

and it is proven through history that

conversation has, and that conversation

can be seen as an art form, and that's one

of the things that I want us to understand –

it's not just tittle tattle,  it's not just shouting

at each other on social media, it's not two

politicians talking over each other.

Good conversation brings people together,

unlike tittle-tattle - talk  about other people's lives

that is usually unkind, disapproving, or untrue.

And good conversation involves taking turns,

not talking over someone  – trying to silence people

by talking more loudly, forcefully,

and persistently than them.

Hopefully, Nihal’s tips can help us all have

better conversations, encounter new ideas and

make friends. So, Sam, did  you do any of these things

when you met up with your old school friend?

I think so. We both listened to each other,

there was no tittle-tattle  but a little bit of gossip.

Before we knew it a couple of hours had passed -

but not as much time as those record-breaking

telephone conservations I mentioned earlier.

Ah yes, in your question you asked how long

the world’s longest telephone conversation lasted.

It guessed it was an incredible

24 hours and 4 minutes… was I right?

Well, Neil, I’m afraid that was… the wrong answer.

In fact, the record-breaking conversation lasted

54 hours and 4 minutes - about the same as

540 programmes of 6 Minute English!

Wow! OK, let’s recap the vocabulary we’ve

learned from this programme on the art of

good conversations, starting with chinwag –

a long and pleasant conversation between friends.

When something is enriched, it’s improved

by having something else added to it.

The survival instinct is the basic instinct in

humans and animals to do something in a

dangerous situation that will keep them alive.

If you build bridges, you improve relationships

between people who are very

different or do not like each other.

Tittle-tattle is talk about other people's lives

that is usually unkind, disapproving, or untrue.

And finally, if you talk over someone, you silence

or drown them out by talking  more loudly than them.

That’s the end of our conversation, but remember

to join us soon for more trending topics

and useful vocabulary. Bye for now!

Goodbye!