BOX SET: 6 Minute English - 'Human Emotions 2' English mega-class! 30 minutes of new vocabulary!

Hello. This is 6 Minute English

from BBC Learning English.

I'm Neil.  

And I'm Rob. It's great that you're

here to keep me company -

to spend time with me so

I don't get lonely -

because loneliness is the

subject of this programme. It's good to be here, Neil.

I think many of us have

experienced loneliness at

some point. Maybe you've

felt lonely because all your

friends have gone out for

dinner without you, or

maybe you've felt lonely

just because you don't

fit in somewhere. Yes, that's when we sometimes

use the expression 'to feel

lonely in a crowd'. Well,

we'll be exploring if this

is a new idea or something

humans have always

experienced, and along

the way we'll be teaching

you some new vocabulary. But now I'm here to keep you

company, how about a

question for me?

Of course! Well, one

possibly lonely man is

Mauro Morandi. He's lived

alone on Budelli Island in

Italy for many years, but

how many years exactly?

Is it: a) 6 years,

b) 31 years, or

c) 44 years? Umm ... 44 years would be

tough, as would 31, so

I'll go for 6 years. OK, Rob, we'll find out

later if that's right.

Now, I'm sure we all

want to be alone from

time to time, to escape

the demands of our

colleagues or the

pressures of real life,

but would we really want

to be totally alone? Well, I certainly wouldn't.

And research has found that

prolonged social isolation

is bad for us,

particularly mentally. It's an interesting topic,

and one that the BBC Radio

4 programme Thinking Aloud

has been exploring.

Its guest, Fay Bound Alberti,

Reader in History at the

University of York,

explained how loneliness is

a relatively new

emotional state. A state is a condition at

a particular time. Let's

hear what she had to say

about references to

loneliness in literature. Well, novels are

fascinating, because there's

a difference between novels

in the 18th Century, when

they first came into being,

and novels in the 19th

Century - in the 18th

Century something like

Robinson Crusoe, there's

not a single reference

to loneliness. By the 19th

Century novels are

full of lonely people

and that reflects those

kinds of social changes. Give me some examples.

What may count

as examples? Well, I suppose I'm

thinking about if you

compare something like

Wuthering Heights where

you have this desperate

desire on the part of

the heroine to find love

which is bundled up

to in this sense of the

self not being complete

without another, or

Tess of the d'Urbervilles.

And so Victorian

fiction in particular

tends to be full of woman

who are in search of the

significant other and

needing to find happiness

and an absence of loneliness

in the domestic. It's interesting that Fay

mentions the story of

Robinson Crusoe - about

a man living on a desert

island - does not mention

the word loneliness.

But because of a shift

in how people behaved

and thought in the

19th century - called

social change - loneliness

became an emotion that

was written about

in stories. Ah, but loneliness tended

to be something affecting

women. They were

searching for happiness

by finding a 'significant

other' - a partner, usually

a man, who they wanted to

marry. How things

have changed! Yes, now Fay also went

on to talk about how

some female authors,

like Virginia Woolf,

looked for solitude - that's

being alone - because

that helped them

be creative. Even today, being alone

gives us headspace and

time to think, as long

as it doesn't last

forever. Anyway, as we

mentioned, we've probably

all been lonely at some

point, and Fay Bound Alberti

told the Thinking Aloud

programme that loneliness

can take many forms. Absolutely, I think that

loneliness is something

that affects all people

but at different times

in their lives. I would

describe in terms of

pinch points - there are

times when we change

[when we become] when we

get married, we become

mothers, we get divorced,

anything that changes

our life might put us

under temporary loneliness.

When it's a problem is

when it becomes chronic. It seems that there are

certain times in our

lives when we might feel

lonely - when we break

up with a partner or

have a baby and feel

isolated, for example.

These are moments that

Fay describes as pinch

points - times in your

life where there are

difficulties and things

slow down or change. We could say loneliness

at these times is

understandable, normal

and temporary. When it

becomes a bigger issue,

it's what Fay describes

as chronic - so,

long lasting. And loneliness isn't

always obvious to other

people, so it's good to

check in with friends

and family to see how

they're feeling and to

ask if they re OK.

Of course, it would be

difficult to check in

on Mauro Morandi, who's

been living on Budelli

Island in Italy for

many years, but how

many years exactly? Ahh well I thought

6 years. Was I right? I'm afraid not. It's

actually been 31 years.

He told National Geographic

magazine "I'm sort of

in prison here ... but

it's a prison that I

chose for myself". So

I'm guessing he's got

used to his own company!

I certainly couldn't

live alone for that

long - I'd been too

lonely, I need

company, Rob. Yeah, me too, Neil!

And loneliness is what

we've been discussing in

this programme. Here's a

recap of some of the

vocabulary we've

mentioned. Firstly,

to keep someone company

is to spend time with

someone so they

don't get lonely. Social change is a shift

in how people behave

and think. A significant other is

an informal way of

describing a partner. Solitude describes

being alone. When talking about life,

pinch points are times

where there are

difficulties and things

slow down or change.

And chronic describes a

health condition that

is long lasting. And that's all we have

time for in this

programme, but remember

you can find more

useful vocabulary,

trending topics and

help with your language

learning here at BBC

Learning English. We

also have an app that

you can download for

free from the app

stores and of course

we are all over social

media. Bye for now! Bye bye!

Hello. This is 6 Minute

English from BBC

Learning English.

I'm Neil.

And I'm Georgina.

Georgina and I have got

to know each other

very well after working

together for so long.

I know what sandwiches

Neil has for lunch ...

Egg and tomato right, Neil?

Right! And I know it

really annoys Georgina when

people don't wash up

their cups in

the staff kitchen.

So unhygienic!

But just as important

as getting to know

someone, socially or at

work, is getting on

with people. To get on

with someone is a useful

phrasal verb, meaning to

like someone and enjoy

a friendly relationship

with them.

Which is really

important if you work

with them every day!

And there's another word

to describe the good

understanding and

communication between

two friends: rapport.

Yes, how to build rapport

and get on with people

has been the subject

of many self-help books

over the years, and

is the topic of

this programme.

Well, you and I

must have great rapport,

Georgina, because that

leads perfectly onto

my quiz question. In

1936, American writer

Dale Carnegie wrote a

famous self-help book

on building rapport.

It sold over 30 million

copies, making it one of

the best-selling books

of all time - but what is

it called? Is it:

a) How to get rich quick?,

b) How to stop worrying

and make friends?, or

c) How to win friends

and influence people?

I think I know this,

Neil. I'm going to say,

c) How to win friends

and influence people.

OK, Georgina, we'll find

out if that's the right

answer at the end

of the programme.

When it comes to getting

on with people,

psychologist Emily Alison

has a few ideas.

She's built a career

working with the police

as they build rapport

with criminal suspects.

Emily is the author a

new book, 'Rapport: the

four ways to read people'

and, as she told BBC

Radio 4 programme All

In The Mind it isn't easy

to get along with everyone.

I often describe

rapport-building in a

relationship as like

walking a tightrope because

you really do need

to maintain that

balance of being objective,

treating people with

compassion but that

doesn't mean I'm

sympathetic, I'm

collusive - it's that

balance between

judgement and avoidance.

Emily describes rapport

building as like

walking a tightrope, an

idiom to describe being

in a difficult situation

which requires carefully

considering what to do.

Building rapport with

"terrorists" or violent

criminals isn't easy.

Emily doesn't sympathise

with what they have done,

but she tries to remain

objective - to base her

judgement on the facts,

not personal feelings.

In her book, Emily

identifies four main

communication styles

which she names after

animals. The best at

building rapport is the

friendly and

cooperative monkey.

Then there's a pair of

opposites: the bossy lion,

who wants to take charge

and control things, and

the more passive mouse.

Here's Emily talking to

BBC Radio 4's, All In

The Mind, about the

fourth animal, the

T-Rex. Try to listen out

for the communication

style of this personality.

You've got the T-Rex

which is conflict - so

this is argument, whether

you're approaching it

from a positive position

where you can be direct,

frank about your message

or you approach that

in a negative way by

being ... attacking,

judgemental, argumentative,

sarcastic, and that

actually breeds the

same behaviour back.

So anyone who has

teenagers will 100%

recognise that ... if

you meet sarcasm with

sarcasm, it's only

going to go one way.

All four communication

styles have good and

bad points. On the

positive side, T-Rex

type people are frank -

they express themselves

in an open, honest way.

But T-Rex types can

also be sarcastic - say

the opposite of what

they really mean, in

order to hurt someone's

feelings or criticise

them in a funny way.

Yes, sarcasm is a

strange thing - like

saying, "Oh, I really

like your haircut",

when in fact you don't!

Yes. There's an

English saying that

sarcasm is the lowest

form of humour, but I

think British people

can be quite

sarcastic at times.

Well, I can't image

you'd make many

friends being rude to

people. Maybe they

should read Dale

Carnegie's self-help book.

Ah yes, your quiz

question, Neil. Was

my answer right?

In my quiz question

I asked Georgina for the

title of Dale Carnegie's

best-selling self-help

book about building

rapport. What did

you say?

I said the book is

called, c) How to win

friends and influence people.

Which is ... the correct

answer! And I guess you've

read it, Georgina,

because you have

lots of friends.

I hope you're not

being sarcastic, Neil!

Absolutely not! I'm

not a sarcastic T-Rex

type, more of a

friendly monkey!

OK, well, let's stay

friends and recap

the vocabulary from

this programme,

starting with rapport -

a good feeling between

two people based on

understanding

and communication.

If you get on with

someone, you like and

enjoy a friendly

relationship with them.

Walking a tightrope

means to be in a

difficult situation

which requires careful

consideration of

what to do.

To be objective is to

base your actions on

facts rather than

personal feelings.

When building rapport

with someone, it's

good to be frank - to

express yourself in

an open, honest way.

But not sarcastic - to

say the opposite of

what you really mean,

in order to hurt

someone's feelings or

criticise them in

a humorous way.

Well, Neil, if we run

over six minutes

we'll break our

rapport with the 6

Minute English producer,

so that's all for

this programme! Join

us again soon for

more trending topics

and useful vocabulary ...

... and remember to

download the BBC

Learning English app

and stay friends by

following us on

social media.

Bye for now!

Bye!

Hello. This is 6

Minute English from

BBC Learning English.

I'm Rob.

And I'm Sam.

As awful as the

coronavirus pandemic has

been, it's also

highlighted the

compassionate side of

human nature - doctors

and nurses helping

the sick.

Yes, and people helping

out elderly relatives

and neighbours, raising

money for charity or

wearing a face mask

to keep others safe.

But the pandemic has

also highlighted a

more worrying issue

called 'compassion fatigue'.

Have you heard

of that, Sam?

Yes, I think compassion

fatigue is a kind of

emotional exhaustion

which reduces your

ability to empathise

or feel compassion

for others.

Yes, exactly, Sam.

Compassion fatigue has

long been a problem for

people working in medical

professions and is the

topic of this programme.

We'll be hearing how the

suffering and unhappiness

we see on the TV news

can increase feelings

of helplessness.

But first, let me ask

you my quiz question, Sam.

Humanitarian workers see

human suffering on a

daily basis and can

easy fall victim to

compassion fatigue.

Founded in 1971,

M decins Sans Fronti res

is one of the biggest

humanitarian organisations.

But what does M decins

Sans Fronti res mean?

Is it: a) Medicine to

the frontline,

b) Doctors without

borders, or

c) Medicine first?

I remember newspapers

calling it MSF and using

its English name, which

I think was, b) Doctors

without borders.

OK, Sam, we'll find out

the answer later on.

Compassion fatigue centres

on the idea that we

can feel too much

empathy and that feeling

can lead to

emotional burnout.

According to psychologist,

Margaret Heffernan, caring

and fatigue are closely

connected. Caring for others

means taking on someone's

pain yourself and this

can have unhealthy

consequences for the carer.

Well, here's Margaret

Heffernan talking to

BBC World Service's,

The Documentary Podcast.

See if you can hear the

effects of compassion

fatigue she mentions.

As you find people

spending more and more

time online, reading more

and more and more

depressing news and

they become more and

more numb they also

become more and more

addicted to it. And this

develops a kind of

state of mind that

is a kind of - it's

a form of learned

helplessness - because

I'm consuming something

that's upsetting me but

I cannot do

anything about it.

Margaret Heffernan mentions

that spending too much

time reading depressing

online news can leave

us feeling numb -

unable to feel any

emotions or think

clearly because we

are so upset or afraid.

The news exposes us to

human suffering around

the world which we

feel powerless to help.

This can lead to

something which in

psychology is called

learned helplessness -

giving up trying to

feel better because your

previous attempts

have not worked.

This is all incredibly

depressing, Rob! It

sounds like we have

limited amounts of compassion.

Well, there are more

positive ways of looking

at it, Sam. Here's an

alternative view from

Tom Rivett-Carnac,

speaking with BBC World

Service's, The

Documentary Podcast.

I understand why you're

saying that it's

finite - but I also

think compassion is a

habit. So dwelling with

that, developing that

habit - yes, there are

a lot of headwinds to

that and the rapid

acceleration of the

news cycle, the focus

on the next problem

so quickly draws our

attention away from

developing those deeper

habits as humanity that

gives us that courage

and that strength to

make these

big transformations.

Like Margaret Heffernan,

Tom Rivett-Carnac

believes the news media

is part of the problem.

Online newspapers and

social media, speed up

the news cycle - the

reporting of a particular

news story, from the

first instance

to the last.

As a result, we are

constantly worrying

about the next problem -

and this can easily

lead to emotional fatigue.

Tom emphasises

compassion as a habit

to be developed, instead

of something finite -

limited or having

a fixed size.

But such compassionate

habits can be difficult

to cultivate because

they face many

headwinds - forces

blowing in the opposite

direction which stop

you moving forward.

Headwinds such as the

rapid news cycle which

distracts us from

developing compassion

and courage. Maybe the

answer is to help in

whatever ways we can,

without becoming

hard-hearted - like

the volunteers of MSF.

Ah yes - your quiz

question, Rob. You

asked what the French

name M decins Sans

Fronti res means in

English. I said b) Doctors

without borders.

Which was ... the correct

answer! Well done!

Doctors Without Borders

offer volunteer medical

assistance in the

world's worst conflict zones.

OK, Rob, let's recap

the vocabulary,

starting with compassion

fatigue - emotional

exhaustion which reduces

your feelings

of compassion.

This can leave you

numb - unable to feel

any emotions because

you are so shocked

or scared.

Learned helplessness

is a psychological

term for when someone

stops trying to feel

better because their

previous attempts failed.

Some people believe

that compassion is

finite - limited or

having a fixed size.

And it can be disturbed

by the news cycle - the

round of media reports

and reactions to

a news story.

Which can be a headwind

or opposing force,

which stops us

caring for others.

And that's it for

this edition of

6 Minute English.

Bye for now!

Bye!

Hello. Welcome to 6

Minute English, I'm Neil.

And I'm Rob.

Rob, would you say

that were a snowflake?

Wow, I can't believe

you said that, that's

so offensive. How

could you be so rude?

So I guess that's a

yes then? Sorry,

I only asked.

Don't worry, I wasn't

really upset, I just

wanted to demonstrate

the meaning of the word.

The word snowflake has

taken on a new

meaning in recent years.

These days it's

used as an insult.

It's used to criticise

people or groups that

are seen to be very

easily offended or

upset by things

that others say.

There is usually a

political side to it

too, isn't there?

Yes, people who use

the word snowflake

tend to be from the

political right and

they usually use it

about those on the

political left,

particularly millennials -

young, socially

aware adults.

Well we'll explore this

topic in more detail

shortly, but first a

quiz question. In which

year was snowflake one

of Collins Dictionary's

words of the year? Was it:

a) 1996, b) 2006 or

c) 2016?

Well, we said it's

quite a recent word

so I'm going

for c) 2016.

Well, we'll find out

if you're right later

on in the programme.

The topic of offence

is a very complicated

one. First what do we

mean by offence, Rob?

Thanks for that. That is

a really difficult

question. Something that

is offensive is rude,

insulting and makes

people feel hurt and

upset. What's difficult

about it though is that

we don't all find the

same things offensive.

Some people can be

deliberately offensive

and some people may be

offensive without

meaning to be.

Also, different people

respond to offence

in different ways -

some accept it as the

price of free speech

and some try to stop

the people they think

are offensive from

saying the things

they do.

These terms come up

quite a lot in

discussions about equality,

race, religion and

of course, politics.

The topic was discussed

in detail in the BBC

Radio programme Sweet

Reason. Evan Davis

presented the programme

and here is the first

part of his summary

of the discussion.

What does he say is

the reason some people

talk about offence?

First, on occasion,

people probably do

invoke offence when

really they just have

a political disagreement

and on occasion groups

that suffer

discrimination or

exclusion perhaps find

it exhilarating or

uniting to call out

that discrimination.

He says that some

people take offence

when it's just a

political disagreement.

He says they

invoke offence.

If you invoke something

it means that you use

it to support your

point or explain your

action. So to invoke

offence is to say that

we are acting this

way because we are

offended by what

you have said, although

the offence may only

be a political

difference rather than

something truly offensive.

Davis goes on to say

that groups that do

suffer from discrimination

may get some feelings

of unity when they

call out discrimination.

They feel more together

when they publicise

and highlight the

discrimination they

have experienced.

Even though some offence

that is taken may not

be genuine, that

doesn't mean people

don't have a right

to be offended. Here's

Evan Davis again.

Where the so-called

snowflakes surely have

a point is this,

societies are entitled

to make certain things

taboo and the

millennials use of the

word offensive is

simply designed to say

some views are not

just wrong they are in

a special category

of wrong.

His point here is that

societies can decide

that certain things

are taboo. In this

context something that

is taboo is something

that is regarded by

society as being

shocking and offensive

and that it is OK for

people to be offended

by these things.

And I think the point

he makes is a good one.

The word snowflake is

usually used as an

insult - but some people

may feel proud to be a

snowflake because it

means they are standing

up for a particular

standard, they have a

level of decency and

social responsibility

that is higher than that

of those who are calling

them snowflakes.

Well, I hope we haven't

caused any offence today.

Before we review the

vocabulary, can we have

the answer to today's

question, Neil?

Of course, I asked in

which year was

snowflake one of

Collins Dictionary's

words of the year?

Was it ...

a) 1996, b) 2006,

or c) 2016?

And I said c) 2016.

It's got to be right!

Well, do you want

to hear the story?

Interestingly the

term was coined in

1996 in the book

Fight Club, but it

was in 2016 that it

was one of the

dictionary's words

of the year. Now

let's review our words

of the day. First

there is 'offence'.

People can take offence

and be offended by

something that is

offensive. Something

that is offensive

could be rude,

insulting and shocking.

It might take the form

of humiliation or

discrimination against

a person or group.

The term 'snowflake' is

a word used by some

people to talk about

other people who they

think get offended too

easily and unnecessarily.

They don't want to

change their language

or ideas just because

snowflakes get upset.

Then we had the word

'invoke'. If you

invoke something you use

it as a reason to

explain your actions

and feelings.

To call something out

is to challenge it,

to highlight it and

look for justification.

And finally, we have

'taboo'. Something that

society says is

offensive and shocking.

So there we have it.

What do you think

Rob of this topic.

Well, it is a very

difficult subject,

particularly when it

comes to politics,

religion and society.

Free speech is good

but at times,

particularly on social

media, I think can be

unnecessarily unpleasant.

Well, try not to be

offended but it is

time for us to leave

you for this programme.

Do join us next time.

Remember you can find

us on Instagram,

Facebook, Twitter,

YouTube and of course

our website

bbclearningenglish.com.

And of course, we have

a new app which you

can find on our

website. It's free

and it's brilliant,

isn't it, Rob?

Absolutely!

See you soon, bye.

Bye!

Hello. This is 6 Minute

English from BBC

Learning English.

I'm Neil.

And I'm Georgina.

That's a big smile

on your face,

Georgina! You

seem happy today!

I am, Neil. After all,

what's the point in

seeing the glass

half empty?

Ah, so you're someone

who tries to see the

glass half full - you

generally look at

things in a positive way.

I hope so! It may

seem strange to be

discussing happiness

in the middle of a

global pandemic but

right now feeling

happy is more

important than ever.

Well then, it's lucky

that happiness is the

subject of this programme,

Georgina. And while

many things seem to be

out of our control

just now, there are

small things we can

do to feel better

about life ...

... to feel less

stressed, and maybe

even a little happier.

You're talking like a

Dane now, Georgina.

Denmark, and in fact

all the Nordic countries,

are often listed as

among the happiest

places in the world.

You know what would

make me happy, Neil? -

asking me a really

good quiz question.

OK. Well, did you know

that every year the UN

publishes its Global

Happiness Survey

revealing the happiest

countries in the world?

It's based on factors like

income, life expectancy

and health. The Nordic

countries often come in

the top ten, but which

country was rated the

happiest in 2020? Was it:

a) Iceland, b) Denmark

or c) Finland?

Well, Neil, Denmark is famous

for bacon, and nothing

makes me happier than

a bacon sandwich, so

I'll say b) Denmark.

I like your thinking,

Georgina! We'll find out

the answer later, but

you're certainly right

to say that Denmark is

considered one of the

happiest countries

in the world.

Malene Rydahl, author of

the bestselling book,

Happy as a Dane, believes

that aspects of Danish

culture can help us

improve our chances

of happiness.

Here she is explaining

what happiness means

for her to BBC World

Service programme,

The Conversation. See if

you can hear what she thinks.

Well, I think we should

be seeking alignment and

I think we should

practise gratitude and

I think that we should be

more conscious about

how we relate to things

that happen to us and

how much we compare

ourselves to others ...

I do think that what we

need to focus on is the

quality of our relationships.

Did you hear Malene use the

word alignment? She thinks

there should be harmony

between my true sense

of who I am, what I

think and how I relate

to others. We should be

in alignment - or in

the correct relation,

to those things.

Malene also thinks

happiness comes from

gratitude - feeling

grateful and expressing

thanks to other people.

She recommends finding

three things, no matter

how small, to be

grateful for every day.

Like ... getting a

good night's sleep,

drinking a hot

coffee ... and having

this chat with

you, Georgina.

Thanks, Neil, that's

put a smile on my face!

It may sound strange

but doing this every

day can really boost

your happiness levels.

Malene also warns

against seeking happiness

in external things,

as you can hear in

this chat with BBC

World Service's,

The Conversation.

If you seek happiness

and you mistake it for

pleasure, you will

be running around like

a little hamster in

a wheel because it's

never enough and

because you will be

very quickly the

victim of the hedonic

treadmill ... and the

hedonic treadmill

is ... you know, you

want something, you

think if you're more

beautiful, if you get

more power, if you

get more money and

fame and then you'll

finally be happy ...

and then you get it

and you get a

small satisfaction.

According to Malene,

chasing external

pleasures like money

and fame will leave you

feeling like a hamster

on a wheel - like

someone who's always

busy but never

accomplishes anything

useful or finishes

what they start.

She also says it's

easy to become a

victim of the hedonic

treadmill. This is the

idea that humans adapt

to whatever level of

happiness they achieve.

As we make more money,

meet the perfect boyfriend

or whatever we desire,

our expectations also

increase, so we never

find the happiness we

hoped we would!

'Money can't buy happiness',

as my grandma used to say.

Right. In fact, it's

probably the quality

of our relationships,

not external objects,

that gives satisfaction -

the pleasure we feel when

we achieve something

we wanted to.

Lots of useful tips there,

Georgina, for feeling

as happy as a Dane.

A Dane, you say, Neil?

So I got the

correct answer?

In my quiz question

I asked Georgina which

Nordic country was

rated happiest in the

UN's 2020 global survey.

I guessed b) Denmark.

But in fact, Georgina,

it was ... c) Finland.

I guess their bacon

sandwiches are

even better!

OK, let's recap the

vocabulary and start seeing

the glass half full -

looking at things

in a positive way.

Happiness might be all

about alignment -

being in the correct

relation to things.

Or gratitude - being

grateful and giving thanks.

Feeling like a hamster

on a wheel means you're

always busy doing

things but without

getting satisfaction -

the pleasant feeling of

achieving something

you really wanted to.

Finally, the reason

happiness often escapes

us may involve the

hedonic treadmill - the

human tendency to

return to the same

level of happiness after

something very good

or very bad has happened.

That's all for this

programme. We hope it's

lifted your spirits

and given you some

useful vocabulary

as well.

Remember to join us

again soon for more

interesting topics here

at 6 Minute English.

And if you like

topical discussions and

want to learn how to

use the vocabulary

found in headlines,

why not try out our

News Review podcast?

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Bye for now!

Bye!