The Difference Between False Empathy and True Support | Chezare A. Warren | TED

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: 麗玲 辛

Has anybody else been wearing glasses your entire life?

有誰也是一輩子都戴著眼鏡嗎？

OK.

好。

And if not you, perhaps you know someone who has.

如果你不是，也許你認識這樣的人。

在我的記憶中，我都戴著眼鏡。

Like, I cannot remember a time when I did not have these things, right?

Exhibit A.

證物 A。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And then -- ain't he cute?

他很可愛，不是嗎？

And then I remember turning 25 many moons ago,

然後，我記得很多月前， 我邁入二十五歲時，

and I had this fabulous birthday party being planned, right?

我計劃了一個很美妙的生日派對。

Chicago, penthouse on a lake.

芝加哥，湖邊的頂層豪華公寓。

It was going to be gorgeous.

一定很棒的。這張出自那次 拍攝的一系列照片。

And this is from that photo shoot.

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

You had to have a photo shoot.

一定要拍一系列照片。所以，

So I ordered these contacts

我訂購了隱形眼鏡，

because, you know, I'm going without glasses,

因為我不要戴眼鏡去， 但隱形眼鏡始終沒送來，

but the contacts never come.

So I show up to the party, no contacts, no glasses.

所以，我到了派對上， 沒戴隱形眼鏡或眼鏡。

我什麼鬼都看不見。

I can't see a doggone thing.

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

努力值得肯定， 但這任務絕對是很失敗。

A for effort, but it was definitely a failed mission.

Nonetheless, here I am in my 40s

無論如何，我現在四十多歲了，

with my stylish but indispensable Coke bottles,

戴著時髦但不可少的厚鏡片 眼鏡，協助我看清楚。

helping me to see clearly

so that I'm not a danger to myself or anybody else.

這樣我才不會對自己 或他人造成危險。

Beyond wanting to share a picture of me as an adorable child

除了想要分享我小時候可愛的照片

or reminisce on my youth gone by,

或追憶我逝去的青春之外，

all this talk about seeing reminds me of a very widely known

剛才談到所有關於視力的事，

都讓我想到一個廣為人知 卻被誤解的概念：

but misunderstood concept: empathy.

同理心。

See, I've been studying empathy for the last 15 years.

過去十五年間， 我一直在研究同理心。

And at its core, empathy is how we see plus what we see.

同理心的核心就是「我們怎麼去看」

加上「我們看到什麼」。

How we see is rooted in our personal experience.

「我們怎麼去看」立基於 我們的個人經驗，是主觀的。

It's subjective.

What we see is more objective.

「我們看到什麼」則更客觀。

It is a physical observation of a moment, a circumstance,

它是一種實體的觀察， 觀察某個時刻、

某個情境、某個狀態，

a condition that invites us to act in some particular way.

且它導致我們以某種 特定的方式採取行動。

How we see, on the contrary,

相反的，「我們怎麼去看」 更紮根於我們的個人信念、

is more rooted in our personal beliefs and our value system,

我們的價值觀，也許 還有我們的專業知識，

and perhaps our technical knowledge,

all of which may vary from person to person.

上述這些，每個人都不一樣。

I've learned over the years

這些年來，我已經學到，

即使真誠地嘗試 以正確的方式表達同理心，

that earnest attempts at doing empathy the right way

can still land us in the wrong place.

我們仍然可能走錯方向。

攻讀博士學位時，

While working on my PhD,

I was a full-time eighth grade math teacher

我在芝加哥南區擔任全職 數學老師，教八年級生。

on the South Side of Chicago.

So I would teach all day,

我那時整天教書，

I would go to class and I would study all night.

我會去上課，然後整個晚上研讀。

Zero out of ten, do not recommend.

這種做法，毫不推薦。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

我總是很累。

I was always tired.

Anyway, I remember my first semester of graduate school

總之，我記得在研究所的第一學期，

taking a class and reading a paper

我選了一門課，閱讀了艾琳‧ 歐布萊的論文「政治是個人的」。

called "The Political is Personal" by Eileen O'Brien.

In the paper, O'Brien describes white anti-racists

歐布萊恩在論文中描述到 白人反種族主義者

who have a really difficult time building relationships

非常難做到

和他們打算幫助的 有色人種建立關係。

with the people of color that they aim to help.

O'Brien insists that white folks and people of color

歐布萊恩堅決認為，

在美國，白人和有色人種

in the United States are separated by this wide perception gap.

有非常大的感知落差。

So white folks sort of think about racism as ending in 1960s

白人認為種族歧視 在 1960 年代就結束了，

and therefore see people of color as complaining and overreacting.

因此認為有色人種 愛抱怨、反應過度。

但是有色人種看到的是 種族歧視仍然持續存在。

But people of color see continued racial discrimination.

O'Brien is helping the reader to notice a fundamental divergence in perspective

歐布萊恩想幫助讀者注意到

雙方在觀點上有根本的分歧，

that she describes as false empathy,

她稱之為「假同理心」，

borrowing from heralded legal scholar Richard Delgado.

這個詞引用自享譽法學圈的 學者理查‧德爾加多。

Essentially, false empathy is the failure of the empathizer

基本上，

假同理心指的是同理者未能 和他們想同理的對象有一致的見解。

to see eye-to-eye with the individual for whom they aim to empathize.

These white anti-racists really thought of themselves

這些白人反種族主義者 其實高估了自己的同理心。

as more empathetic than they really were.

In fact, the people of color they aimed to help

事實上，他們打算幫助的有色人種

did not receive their benevolence and charity as help at all.

完全不覺得他們的慈悲 和善行是有幫助的。

And in turn, these white anti-racists developed feelings of discontent

接著，這些白人反種族主義者 產生了不滿和沮喪的感覺，

and frustration

that O'Brien then describes as evidence of their false empathy.

歐布萊恩認為這就是 他們假同理心的證據。

Now, I remember reading that paper and thinking

我還記得

我讀那篇論文時，我一直想起

a lot about my white colleagues who I taught with at the time in Chicago.

當時在芝加哥教書時的白人同事們。

According to the National Center for Education Statistics,

根據國家教育統計中心，

white folks make up about 80 percent of the teacher workforce,

教師人員當中有約 80% 是白人，

while US student populations become increasingly diverse.

而美國學生則越來越多樣化，

Less than 50 percent of all K-12 students are being identified as white.

幼稚園到十二年級的學生中 只有不到一半是白人。

This really made me wonder if empathy, or perhaps false empathy,

這真的讓我很好奇

同理心，或許假同理心，是否

could explain why my colleagues had such a difficult time

能解釋為什麼我的同事這麼難

building positive,

和他們的黑人學生建立 正面、牢固的關係。

substantive relationships with their Black students.

I watched as Black boys,

我看到黑人孩子

who needed more patience and more care,

需要更多耐心和更多關心，

be mislabeled as disengaged and disinterested learners.

卻被誤貼上了不願參與 且沒興趣學習的標籤。

Now a young person who refuses to take off their headphones,

拒絕拿下耳機的年輕人，

that's what we see.

那就是「我們看到什麼」。

Making sense of the reasons why

去理解背後的原因

is how we see.

就是「我們怎麼去看」。

We need both to drive what we do,

我們需要這兩者， 來推動「我們做什麼」，

because empathy is best expressed in the doing.

因為同理心最好是透過行動來表達。

就像歐布萊恩研究中的 白人反種族主義者，

Like the white anti-racist in the O'Brien study,

these teachers relationships tended to be fragile at best,

這些教師與孩子的關係 就算有，也是很脆弱，

and too often nonexistent

更常見的是關係根本不存在，

with a group of kids who desperately needed positive adult interactions.

而這群孩子卻迫切需要 和成人有正向的互動。

Now, I’m talking about education.

我現在談的是教育。

But all of us, no matter what your industry,

但，我們所有人，不論在哪個產業，

on a quest to become a good and kind human being,

只要是想致力成為善良的好人，

must stop to notice if false empathy is driving our interactions

必須要停下腳步， 去留意假同理心是否

是我們與各式各樣的人 互動時背後的推手。

with diverse others.

OK, so I have to give you a few examples.

我可以舉幾個例子給各位參考。

False empathy is thinking you know more about other people's problems

假同理心

就是你認為你比對方 更了解他們的問題。

than they do.

It’s like meeting somebody from Flint, Michigan and saying,

就像是遇到來自密西根州 弗林特的人，就說：

"Oh my God, I know what it's like not to have something you need"

「天，我很清楚得不到你 需要的東西是什麼感覺」，

when you've never been without clean water.

但你從來沒體驗過 沒有乾淨用水的情況。

Not having something you need

沒有你需要的東西

is not exactly the same thing as not having clean water.

和沒有乾淨用水是不太一樣的。

False empathy is like putting on your superhero cape.

假同理心就像披上超級英雄披風。

We see somebody in pain, we rush into action,

看到有人遇到苦難時，

我們就急著行動， 投身到整個狀況之中，

shrouded in the spectacle of it all,

without ever stopping to query the source of their distress.

完全沒停下來詢問他們苦惱的源頭。

I hate to be the bearer of bad news,

我不想告訴你壞消息，但有時，

but sometimes saving them

你拯救別人，是為了自己， 不是為他們好。

may be more about you than it is about them.

And false empathy is egotistical.

假同理心是自負的，是自我中心的。

It is self-centered.

I love crab legs.

我喜歡蟹腿。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Can I just be honest?

我可以老實說嗎？

I love seafood.

我喜歡海鮮。

But false empathy is thinking I'm doing a really good thing

但，假同理心

就是認為我在做很好的事， 做的卻是去我最愛的餐廳，

by going to my favorite restaurant

and getting a pound of juicy crab legs

點一磅鮮美多汁的蟹腿，

to take to a partner who has a shellfish allergy.

送給對帶殼海鮮過敏的夥伴吃。

Or buying an expensive gift for a child

或者買個昂貴的禮物送給孩子，

who would much rather have your attention on the couch after a long day.

而經過漫長的一天，在沙發上的 那個孩子其實更想要你的陪伴。

I could go on, but what I'm trying to say

我可以舉更多例子，但我想說的是，

is that false empathy represents a conflict in perspective,

假同理心代表觀點的衝突，

and an earnest intention at anti-racism

且擁有真誠的反種族主義和助人意圖

and helping others

does not guarantee that your action will lead to the intended outcome,

並不能保證你的作為 一定會帶來預期的結果，

or that we will achieve the relationships

也不保證我們能建立起 我們成長所需要的關係。

that we all need to thrive.

I've learned in my research with teachers

我在研究中發現，真正能對 黑人孩童展現同理心的老師

who demonstrate evidence of empathy with Black boys

that they don't wake up every day aiming to be empathetic.

並不是每天起床 就打算要來發揚同理心。

They try things, they fail, and they make mistakes.

他們會做一些嘗試， 他們會失敗，會犯錯。

They exercise humility and they try something else.

他們會保持謙卑，繼續做其他嘗試。

有些研究人員可能 會稱之為「視角採納」，

Some researchers might refer to that as perspective taking,

which is the ability to spontaneously adopt

這種能力，是自發性地去採納

the psychological point of view of others.

他人的心理觀點。

So we know that perspective taking

我們知道「視角採納」

substantially improves student-teacher relationships.

能大幅改善學生與教師的關係。

That Black boys, who are otherwise cast aside,

本來會被忽略的黑人男孩

feel seen and heard in classrooms

在證明具有「視角採納」的 教室中，能感到被看見和聽見。

where there is evidence of perspective taking,

in part because their teachers take a lot of care

有部分是因為他們的教師非常用心

to develop innovative and proactive solutions to their problems.

為他們的問題開發出 創新且積極的解決方案。

We know that perspective taking

我們知道「視角採納」

can reduce instances of exclusionary discipline,

可以減少將學生排除在 教育環境外的處份，

which is an issue that is particularly salient for Black kids.

對黑人孩子而言， 這種處份尤其是個問題。

And we know that empathy training can reduce implicit bias.

我們知道同理心訓練 可以減少隱性偏見。

So imagine for a second

想像一下，

you come across someone who appears to be sad

你遇到某個看起來很傷心的人，

and you want to offer them some support,

你想提供這個人一些支持，

or you have a friend who approaches you for advice

或者有個朋友向你尋求建議，

on an issue for which you have some familiarity.

請你對某個你熟悉的問題提供意見。

If you want to avoid false empathy, perhaps you start by stopping.

如果你想避免假同理心， 也許你可以從停下來開始。

Stop to observe the moment, right?

停下來，觀察當下。

Empathy requires heightened sensitivity to our ego.

要同理，我們就得 對我們的自我有高度敏感。

We all have an ego.

我們都有一個自我。

We just don't want that ego over determining how we see.

我們只是不希望那個自我 過度影響「我們怎麼去看」。

So we have to learn to decenter ourselves as we listen.

因此，我們必須學會 在傾聽時，別以自我為中心。

Listening is an art.

傾聽是一種藝術，是一種紀律，

It's a discipline, but it's also an act of perspective taking.

但也是一種「視角採納」的行為。

We listen so that we can ask meaningful questions,

我們傾聽，才能夠提出 有意義的問題、參與談話、

engage in discourse,

exercise humility and simply be present.

表現謙卑，並單純把心放在當下。

We cannot do empathy without perspective taking.

沒有「視角採納」 就不可能做到同理。

And finally, we have to do something.

最後，我們得做點什麼， 我們得行動。

We have to act.

But we should not expect that just because we acted

但我們不應該期待

我們採取行動就等同一定會做對。

that it's going to be the right thing.

The feedback we get from that action

我們從那行動獲得的回饋

should drive our subsequent interactions.

應該要驅使我們去做後續的互動。

On the journey to understanding and interpretation,

在理解和詮釋的過程中，

it's a lot like our natural eyes.

就如同我們的肉眼，

It grows with time.

會隨著時間推移而成長。

As I grow older, my eyes evolve.

隨著我長大，

我的肉眼也演化了， 我們都這樣講，演化。

That's what we'll call it.

They evolve.

And so I have to go, and I have to see the optometrist,

所以我得去找驗光師， 我坐在那新奇的裝置前面，

and I sit in front of that contraption

as they move the different lenses to check the clarity of my sight.

他們置換不同的鏡片 來檢查我視力的清晰度。

They're doing that because they want to make sure

他們那麼做是為了確保 「我怎麼去看」和「我看到什麼」

that how and what I see helps me to act

可以協助我在生活中採用 能改善世界的方式來行事。

in a way that will make the world a better place

as I move through it.

Empathy is a lot like that prescription.

同理心和那種視力處方非常像。

So the next time you want to help,

下次你想助人時，

you want to heal,

想拉人一把時，

想提供支持時，或只是 單純去陪某人時，

you want to support or simply show up for someone,

try to make sure you're seeing with the right eyes.

試著確認你在看的時候， 有使用正確的眼睛（視角）。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）