The Rise of the "Trauma Essay" in College Applications | Tina Yong | TED

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Helen Chang

There's a story of mine that I've told about a million different times,

我有一個故事，我已經講過無數次，

and it goes a little something like this.

內容是像這樣的。

When I was 10, my family and I packed up our entire lives into large suitcases

我十歲時，

我和我的家人把我們的 全部人生都裝進大行李箱中，

and dragged them across the Pacific to a foreign land called Canada.

拖過太平洋，前往異鄉：加拿大。

I was put in a school where I was the only Asian kid in my grade,

我去的讀學校，在我那個 年級只有我一個亞洲人。

and I got teased for my broken English, Asian features

我會被戲弄，因為我的英文 很爛，有亞洲人的特徵，

and funny smelling ethnic lunches.

還帶著聞起來很奇怪的民族午餐。

The racism was a real doozy.

種族歧視真的是很難搞。

But don't feel bad.

但不要難過。

Through the magical healing powers of extracurricular activities

透過課外活動的神奇療癒力

and pure perseverance,

以及純粹的毅力，

I stand before you today, a new woman:

今天站在各位面前的， 是一個全新的女子：

healthy, healed and extremely employable.

健康、康復良好，且具有就業能力。

光從我的外表各位應該無法看出

You wouldn't even be able to tell from just looking at me

that I was once the weird little immigrant girl

我曾經是個怪異的移民女孩，

還要求自己的母親準備 花生醬果醬三明治當午餐，

who begged her mom to pack PB&J sandwiches

so she wouldn't have to eat lunch alone in the bathroom.

才不用一個人躲在廁所吃午餐。

This is a story that I’ve told in academic essays, job interviews

我在學術論文、工作面試中 都講過這個故事，

and even in the very application that got me into this fine university.

連讓我進入這所頂尖大學的 申請書中都有講這個故事。

It's also a story that, despite all of its truth,

雖然這個故事是真的，

I've come to hate.

我卻漸漸開始厭惡它。

Now this is a story that I don't have copyright claim over.

我沒有這個故事的版權。

It's one that continues to be regurgitated by immigrant kids

全國各地的移民孩子 不斷講述著這個故事，

all across the country

to be served on a silver platter to prestigious universities

讓他們能輕易進入有名望的大學，

who chew these stories and spit out acceptance letters in return.

這些大學咀嚼了這些故事後 就會吐出錄取信回去。

The contents of the story may change.

故事的內容可能有所不同，

Instead of a difficult immigration experience,

困苦的移民經歷可能會被改為

it might be the death of a loved one, a chronic illness or a racist encounter.

摯愛家人的過世、

慢性疾病，或種族歧視事件。

But what remains constant is the moral:

但寓意始終維持不變：

A bad thing happened to me, but it made me a good person.

壞事發生在我身上，

但它讓我成為一個好人。

This is part of a larger phenomenon that I'm here to talk about today.

我今天想談的是個更大的現象， 這只是它的一部分。

The overwhelming pressure being put on high school students

高中學生承受著 他們無法招架的壓力，

to write about their deepest traumas in their college applications

因為在申請大學時，他們 得要去寫他們最深的創傷，

with the hopes that they seem resilient and interesting enough to be given a spot.

盼望這麼做能讓他們看起來 有韌性、有趣，而能被錄取。

I believe that these are not only bad metrics

我認為，這些不僅是 很不好的申請評量標準，

by which to evaluate applicants,

but also incredibly harmful to the storyteller themselves

對於說故事的人本身，也相當有害，

and risks reinforcing existing inequities in higher education.

還有可能強化高等教育中 既存不平等的風險。

There's also pressure that's being amplified

也有一些壓力被 招生顧問本身給放大，

by admissions counselors themselves

他們對於申請者決定要寫 什麼內容有極大的影響力。

who play a huge role in influencing what applicants decide to write about.

Take, for example, this tip from the MIT admissions blog,

以這個取自麻省理工學院 入學部落格的小撇步為例，

where the author compares two different introductions for a potential essay.

作者比較了兩篇 入學自述論文的序言，

The first one reads:

第一篇寫著：

"I'm honored to apply for the Master of Library Science program

「我很榮幸能申請歐克博奇 大學的圖書館學碩士班。

at the University of Okoboji.

For as long as I can remember, I've had a love affair with books.

從我有記憶以來， 我就對書籍有著熱愛。

從十一歲起，我就想 成為圖書館員。」

Since I was 11, I've wanted to be a librarian."

The second introduction reads:

第二篇序言寫著：

"When I was 11,

「我十一歲時，我的 姨婆葛莉琴過世了，

my great aunt Gretchen passed away

and left me something that changed my life:

她留給我的東西改變了我的人生：

一間有約五千本書的圖書館。

a library of about 5000 books.

Some of my best days were spent arranging and reading her books.

我有一些最美好的時光， 是在整理和閱讀她的書。

Since then, I've wanted to become a librarian."

從那時起，我就想成為圖書館員。」

The author notes that the second introduction

作者指出，第二篇序言 引人注目許多，

is much more striking and leaves a much better impression.

留下的印象也好很多。

Consider another tip from collegeessayguy.com,

再來看看另一個小撇步， 來自 collegeessayguy.com，

where he advises students to “get personal.”

作者建議學生要「更私人化」。

He says, "Weirdly, including painful memories

他說：「很怪的是，納入痛苦的回憶

and what you learned from them

以及從中學到什麼， 通常可以讓你的個人陳述文

usually helps a personal statement

meet the goals of a college application essay.

達到大學申請論文的要求目標。

You come off as humble, accessible, likable and mature.”

你會顯得謙遜、平易近人、 討喜，且成熟。」

Confessions from admissions officers themselves can also be telling.

從招生官本身坦白的說法 也能看出這個問題。

Aya Waller-Bey, a former admissions officer

喬治鎮大學的前任 招生官阿雅‧華勒—貝

from Georgetown University,

said in a "Forbes" article that,

在《富比士》的一篇文章中說：

"Within months on the job, I saw how the personal statements

「才就任幾個月，

我就能看出黑人 和其他弱勢種族學生的

of Black and other racially minoritized students

個人陳述文和白人的 申請文有多麼不同。

differed from those of white applicants.

Black students highlighted resilience through stories of survival,

黑人學生用生存的故事來強調韌性，

while their counterparts wrote casual essays about service abroad

白人學生則是輕鬆寫論文，談的是

and sporting championships.

在國外服務以及運動冠軍賽。

Black students shared their pain,

黑人學生談他們的痛苦，

white students shared their passions.”

白人學生談他們的熱情。」

Now, lastly, and perhaps the least reliable source is my own life.

最後是我自己的例子， 可能算是最不可靠的來源。

I remember feeling this way when I was applying to universities.

我記得我在申請大學時 就有這樣的感覺。

Like I had no other choice, no other experiences worthy of mentioning

彷彿我沒有其他選擇， 沒有其他值得一提的經歷，

and no other merit beyond the fact

我唯一的功績優點就是

that I had thrived despite what I had gone through.

儘管我遇到種種困難， 仍然茁壯成長。

I even remember worrying that my tale wouldn't be harrowing enough

我甚至記得當時很擔心 我的故事不夠悲慘，

after hearing from a counselor

因為我聽到有位顧問說，

that writing about immigration has become a bit of a cliche

寫移民已經變得有點老套了，

because of how overused it is.

因為太多人用了。

So what’s the universities’ role in all of this

那麼，大學在此扮演的角色是什麼？

and why are these stories even harmful to begin with?

回到源頭，為什麼 這些故事是有害的？

Well, I believe that using your college application essay

我相信，

用你的大學申請論文來討論你的創傷

to discuss your trauma

actually doesn't help you process it.

其實無法幫助你處理它。

And there are a couple different reasons why.

原因有好幾個。

First, writing about a difficult experience is,

第一，把困難的經歷寫出來

是很困難的事，各位應該猜得到。

as you may have guessed, difficult.

Not only do you have to relive the event itself,

不僅你得要再次經歷那個事件，

but you also have to actively suppress any negative emotions

你還得要主動壓抑

在這個過程中產生的負面情緒。

that arise during the process.

That kind of emotional labor can be taxing for anybody,

那種情緒勞務對任何人 都是很重的負擔，

but perhaps especially so

但感受特別深的可能是

for these young applicants who haven't had enough time on this world

這些年輕的申請人，他們在 這個世界上的時間還不夠長，

to process the terrible things that have happened to them.

還無法處理發生在他們身上的慘事。

For that space to be one in which they're confessing to a faceless stranger

在那個空間中，他們 向無臉的陌生人坦誠，

who gets to make the most consequential decision

而這個陌生人會做出他們 青春期中最有影響力的決定，

of their adolescent life

imposes an incredibly heavy psychological burden.

這會讓他們背負極大的心理重擔。

I mean, imagine if you walked into your therapy appointment

想像一下，你走進 你約好的心理門診，

and your therapist tells you

你的心理醫生告訴你，

that they're not going to respond to anything you tell them

他不會對你說的任何內容做出回應，

只會在幾個月後用電子郵件 通知你有沒有被接受。

except with a rejection or acceptance email sent months later.

And also that whatever you tell them

此外，你告訴他們的內容會決定

will determine the trajectory of your entire academic and professional career.

你整個學術生涯和職涯的軌道。

Hard to imagine that being therapeutic.

很難想像那有什麼療癒的。

Secondly, the trauma essay makes one assumption

第二，創傷論文 有個假設是非常有問題。

that is extremely problematic.

It's not always the learning opportunity

創傷事件不見得都是學習機會

through which you can gain more confidence or develop better time management skills.

可以讓你從中得到更強的信心 或發展出更好的時間管理技能，

Sometimes it's just a sucky thing that really sucks.

有時它就只是很鳥的鳥事。

And asking students to prove how they turn their pain into progress

而要求學生要證明他們如何 將他們的痛苦轉換為進步

ignores this truth and falls prey to the toxic positivity narrative

就是忽略了這個事實，

讓他們成為「萬事皆有因」 這個有害的正向論述的受害者，

that everything happens for a reason,

ignoring the very valid resentment and anger that many victims still feel.

忽略掉許多受害者仍然會 感受到很實在的憤恨和怒火。

Lastly, the things we write aren't just informed by our experiences,

最後，

我們所寫的內容不僅僅 是受我們的經歷影響，

they shape how we view those experiences as well.

它們也會形塑我們 如何看待這些經歷。

And if we're writing about our trauma to prove to an admissions officer

如果我們寫下我們的創傷 是為了向招生官證明

that we are worthy of a decent education,

我們值得接受好的教育，

then it becomes necessary to sanitize our pain,

就必須要修改、淨化我們的痛苦，

to make it marketable and strategic,

讓它有可推銷的價值和戰略重要性，

to scrub away all the suffering,

刷洗掉所有的苦難，

so all that's left is what will fit

讓剩下來的一切都能吻合

into the narrow margins of what is palatable.

那個讀起來讓人愉快的狹窄空間。

And this is what I see as being the fundamental contradiction

我認為這是在創傷論文 核心的根本矛盾。

at the heart of the trauma essay.

It seems to give the writer free reign on vulnerability,

它似乎讓作者有充份的 自由可以表現脆弱，

but actually leaves them very little room to be vulnerable.

實際上卻沒給他們脆弱的空間。

Your story has to be just sad enough that it gains sympathy,

你的故事必須要悲傷到 剛剛好可以得到同情的程度，

but not so sad that it makes you seem beyond help.

但不可以過度悲傷到讓你 看來是沒辦法救了。

Just critical enough to inspire change,

要有足夠的批判性來鼓舞改變，

but not so much that it actually criticizes systemic structures.

但不能到實際去 批評體制結構的程度。

Just honest enough to seem real,

要足夠誠實，顯出真實感，

but not so unfiltered that it creates discomfort.

但不能都不加過濾 而造成別人不舒服。

The protagonist also overcomes whatever struggle they're facing

在五百字文章的結尾，

故事主角也得要克服 他們所面臨的困難，

by the end of the 500 word count,

instilling the reader with a sense of optimism

帶給讀者樂觀的感覺，覺得

that despite our deeply unequal society,

儘管社會的不公平根深蒂固，

it is possible to rise through the ranks and overcome all the “-isms.”

還是有可能跨越階級， 克服所有的「主義」。

This, of course, is not the reality of our world today.

當然，這不是現今世界的現實。

And for me, this looked like settling

在我看來，這就是妥協 接受熟悉的老故事，

for the familiar story of the stinky lunch,

one that's been told so many times that it's devoid of any real meaning,

這故事已經被講到爛了， 沒有任何真實的意義，

instead of talking

卻不去談論移民現在正在 面對的社會及政治權利剝奪、

about the ongoing social and political disenfranchisement of immigrants,

the permanent loss of cultural identity that I suffered,

我永遠失去文化身分認同的遭遇，

or the sense of disbelonging that still haunts me

或者每當我犯了一個文法錯誤 或有人唸錯我的名字時

every time I make a grammar mistake or someone mispronounces my name.

仍然讓我揮之不去的無歸屬感。

These are all struggles that never really go away,

這些都是永遠不會消失的掙扎，

but are carefully tucked away in my essay

但在我的論文中， 會很小心把它們藏起來，

because they don't fit the linear narrative

因為它們不符合現行 建構的線性故事說法。

that is being constructed.

But how are universities to blame for all of this?

但這一切怎麼能怪大學呢？

I mean, they never explicitly asked students

畢竟，它們從來沒有要求 學生在論文中傾訴創傷，

to trauma-dump in their essays,

and many admissions experts have actually come out

且許多招生專家其實都已經站出來

and discouraged discussing explicit trauma in essays.

勸阻在論文中討論明確的創傷。

However, I still don't think that universities are blameless.

然而，我仍然不覺得 大學就完全無可責備。

The reason why the trauma essay is so ubiquitous

創傷論文之所以會這樣泛濫，

is because it seems to be working.

就是因為它似乎有效。

Anne Trubek, who helped low-income high school students at Oberlin College

安‧楚拜克在歐柏林學院協助 低收入高中生撰寫他們的論文，

write their essays,

她這麼描述她所面臨的倫理兩難：

expresses the ethical dilemma that she faces.

"By pushing students to reveal their horror stories,

「我冒著奪去學生尊嚴的風險， 逼迫他們揭露自己的可怖故事，

I risk taking away their dignity,

but by not pushing, I could be hindering their chances

但若我不逼他們，

我就是阻礙了他們進入 夢想學校的機會。」

of getting into their dream school."

Whether trauma essays and acceptance letters

創傷論文和錄取信之間 是否真有因果關係，

are actually causally correlated

is impossible to tell from the outside.

從外頭是看不出來的。

So this could all just be speculation and myth.

這很有可能只是推測或迷思。

But in failing to resolutely clear up these speculations and myths

但若沒有堅決澄清這些推測和迷思，

about whether trauma essays are rewarded or discouraged,

沒說清楚要獎勵或勸阻創傷論文，

universities are indirectly enabling the rise of the trauma essay

大學其實也是在間接促成 創傷論文的出現，

and all of its harmful implications.

以及其所有的有害影響。

So what are they to do about all of this?

那麼大學該怎麼做？

Well, first of all, I think that this is a problem that goes much deeper

首先，我認為這個問題很深， 不只是個別大學的問題，

than individual universities,

and even perhaps the institution of higher education itself.

甚至可能不只是 高等教育制度的問題。

It's rooted in the cultural obsession with appropriating trauma

它的根源來自於文化中對於 挪用創傷及消費創傷的迷戀，

and making it consumable,

as well as the systemic tendency

以及體制傾向會

to tokenize oppressed people and their experiences.

將被壓迫的人及他們的經歷 貶低為刻板象徵，

But there are still things

但大學仍然可以協助改善這個狀況。

that universities can do to make things better.

First, they can be more transparent about their admissions guidelines.

第一，它們的招生指南 可以更透明化。

If it's really true that they don't want to reward trauma storytelling

如果它們真的不希望獎勵學生 為了說創傷故事而說創傷故事，

just for the sake of it,

then they should be more forthcoming about this expectation.

就應該更坦率地表明它們的期望。

They could also restructure their prompts

它們也可以重新調整它們的提示，

to avoid putting pressure on students

避免施加壓力給學生，迫使 他們談論過去的艱辛和逆境，

to talk about past hardships and adversities

and instead refocus prompts

改成將提示的重點放在

to ask students about their goals for the future

詢問學生他們未來的目標

and their academic interests.

以及他們學術上的興趣。

Secondly, admissions counselors should be trauma-informed

第二，招生顧問應具備 創傷經歷相關知識，

and trained in working with BIPOC folk.

並接受處理非白人族群的訓練。

As the unofficial gatekeepers

他們是非官方的守門人，

to the secrets of getting into your dream college,

握有讓你進入夢想大學的秘密，

they should wield their power responsibly

他們應該負責地運用他們的權力，

and not pressure students to talk about traumatic experiences

不要迫使學生

去談論他們還沒 準備好談論的創傷經歷，

that they're not yet ready to talk about.

Lastly -- and this one's for anyone who's actually applying

最後，這一項的對象是

近期會要申請進入 高等教育機構的人：

to a postsecondary institution sometime soon --

remember that you are more than the bad things that happened to you.

切記，你不該被發生在 你身上的壞事所定義和限制。

I know that when it seems like every other classmate of yours

我知道，當你覺得你所有的 同學在寫的論文好像都可以

is writing an essay that could be adapted for an HBO original drama,

改編成 HBO 原創劇集似的，

that you may feel like your experiences are not worth talking about.

你可能會覺得你的經歷不值得一談。

But I promise that they are.

但我保證，它們值得去談。

You just have to find your voice and use it.

你只需要找到你的聲音並善用它。

雖然我不想再次經歷我人生中 那段讓人焦躁不安的時期，

Now as much as I don't want to live

that nail-bitingly stressful time of my life ever again,

I can't help but wonder:

我還是忍不住納悶：

what would I have written about

如果我有機會再次申請英屬 哥倫比亞大學，我會寫什麼？

if I got the chance to apply to UBC again?

This time absent the pressure

這次沒有壓力了，

to strategically use my immigrant background

不必被迫策略性運用我的 移民背景來賺取同情分數。

to gain sympathy points.

Maybe I would have written about how I overcame my fear of public speaking

也許我會寫

我如何克服我對公開演說的恐懼，

and became comfortable with being the loudest voice in the room.

並變得能很自在成為 房間中最響亮的聲音。

Or I could have written about watching trashy reality television

或者我可能會寫

最初是看低俗的實境秀電視節目 讓我產生對政治學的興趣。

is what first sparked my interest in political science.

Or maybe I still would have written about my immigrant story

或者也許我仍然會寫我的移民故事，

because that was a big part of my life journey

因為那是我人生旅程 很重要的一部分，

and still impacts me to this day.

且至今仍然會影響我。

But I would have done it on my own terms.

但我會用我自己的方法去寫。

Instead of being written as a one-dimensional,

不是寫成把創傷變成勝利的單一維度

trauma-turned-triumph trauma drama,

創傷劇，

I would have been able to tell a story that actually reflects who I am today

反之，我會說一個

能夠真正反應出現今的我的故事，

and acknowledge the fact that my journey is ongoing

並且承認，我的旅程還在進行中，

and it doesn't begin or end with my racial identity.

它不是以我的種族身分 為開端或結束。

This is the kind of ownership

我希望有一天大家都能像這樣 持有對自己故事的擁有權。

that I wish for everyone to one day have over their story.

And now it's up for universities to decide whether they get to tell it.

現在就交給大學來決定他們 能不能把這個故事說出來了。

Thank you.

謝謝。