How to avoid catching prickly emotions from other people | Jessica Garza

Transcriber: Leslie Gauthier Reviewer: Joanna Pietrulewicz

翻译人员: 志诚 林 校对人员: Yanyan Hong

我是运动及表演心理学家，

这意味着，我有许多合作对象

比如说精英运动员、军方专业人士，

以及顶尖的政府机构

So I'm a sports and performance psychologist,

这些人的职业生涯和安全 仰仗于巅峰表现。

which means I get to work with a lot of people

有个故事我永远无法忘记。

like elite athletes,

military professionals

有一位士兵告诉我 他在伊拉克服役的经历。

and top government agencies,

whose career and safety depend on peak performance.

时间是 2000 年代初期，

当时美国在伊拉克和阿富汗有军事行动。

And I'll never forget this one story a soldier told me

about his time serving in Iraq.

在此期间，

It was around the early 2000s

美国鼓励当地人站出来

when the United States had military operations in both Iraq and Afghanistan.

分享潜在威胁相关的信息。

有一天，一名伊拉克男子 接近美国前哨基地的大门，

And during this time,

many locals were encouraged to come forward

要提供关于一项可能的威胁的情报。

and share information about potential threats.

然而他并没有被当作盟友来对待，

So one day this Iraqi man approaches the gate of a US outpost

负责听他汇报的士兵带着敌意。

to share intelligence about a possible threat.

但这很有可能是因为几天前，

But instead of being treated like an ally,

另一个单位的士兵在突然袭击中遇害。

he was met with hostility by the soldier who was debriefing him.

随着访谈的继续， 这名士兵越来越不耐烦。

But that's likely because just days earlier,

这个伊拉克男子对此非常不满。

soldiers from another unit were killed in a surprise attack.

最后，双方的火气都太大了， 访谈被迫提前结束。

And so as the interview continued, so did the soldier's irritation.

第二天，

And as a result, the Iraqi man became frustrated.

两个不同单位被路边炸弹袭击了。

In the end, tempers were flaring so high that the interview was cut short,

当然，我们永远无法知道 如果当初的访谈结果不同的话，

and the following day,

这些袭击能否被避免。

two separate units were hit by roadside bombs.

但我分享这个故事的原因，

是因为它是一个绝佳的例子， 可以说明一个相当常见的问题，

Of course we'll never know for sure if the attacks could have been stopped

had the interview gone differently,

这个问题让我们当中的很多人 无法表现出最佳的自己。

but the reason why I'm telling you this story

那就是：我们能把 情绪控制做得多好？

is because it's an excellent example of a supercommon problem

它是影响表现好坏 最重要的常见因素之一。

that keeps so many of us from performing at our best.

事实证明，你的情绪控制做得多好，

And it's how well we're able to regulate our emotions,

取决于你有多容易 受到情绪传染法则的影响。

which is one of the most common drivers of a good and bad performance.

And it turns out how well you're able to regulate your emotions

顾名思义，

情绪传染就是 你能多快地接收别人的情绪，

depends on how susceptible you are to a principle called emotional contagion.

然后把它变成自己的。

It's just like it sounds.

不过问题是，

大部分人非常容易被别人的情绪影响，

It's how quickly you can catch the emotions of other people

那就表示，连最微小的外在因素

and then take them on as your own.

The problem is though,

也可能影响我们在工作中、

most of us are highly susceptible to other people's emotions,

赛场上，甚至是在家时的表现。

which means even the smallest external factor can impact

但幸运的是，

我们可以学习如何避开别人的情绪，

how we perform at work,

做法是更好地控制我们自己的情绪。

on the field, and even at home.

因此，我喜欢这样思考问题。

But lucky for us,

看一下这张图

we can learn how to avoid other people's emotions

乍看之下，这看起来像是巨大、 很像泰迪熊的矮灌木，对吧？

by becoming better at regulating our own.

So here's how I like to think about this.

我记得我是在亚利桑那徒步旅行时 第一次看到这种东西，

Take a look.

Now at a glance, this looks like a giant, teddy bear-looking shrub, right?

因为它看起来很软，

我伸手去碰它。

但当我的手足够接近的时候，

I remember seeing one of these for the very first time

树枝上的刺就直接跳上来扎我——

while hiking in Arizona,

and because it looked soft,

真的，我的手上全是刺。

I reached out to touch it.

每次我想把刺弄掉的时候，

But by the time my hand was close enough,

这烦人的小东西就会断开， 钻进皮肤更深处。

the spines on the branches jumped and pricked me --

就像视频中的这个人。

literally, my hand was covered.

（视频）男人：啊！

And every time I tried to remove one,

这种植物——它有个绝妙的名字。

that little sucker would break off

and it would burrow deeper into my skin,

叫作跳跃仙人掌（Jumping Cholla）。

just like the guy in the video.

(Video) Man: Argh!

它会给你留下难以磨灭的印象——

Jessica Woods: And this plant -- it has the perfect name.

是比喻也是事实。

印象强到，当我要教别人如何控制情绪，

It's called the jumping cholla,

以及避免感染到别人的情绪时，

and it left a lasting impression --

我就会提到“跳跃仙人掌效应”。

figuratively and literally.

So much so that when I teach people how to regulate their emotions

这些年来，

我得到的结论是： 跳跃仙人掌就像人类。

and avoid catching the emotions of other people,

I refer to the "jumping cholla effect."

它们有时真的是讨厌鬼，

如果你不小心的话，它们就会 深入到你的皮肤下。

And over the years,

I have concluded that the jumping chollas are just like people.

若要了解在真实人生中 这种状况是怎么发生的，

They can be pricks,

我认为应该要先了解情绪究竟是什么。

and if you're not careful, they can borrow deep into your skin.

对于情绪的来源， 有两种常见的理论。

So to understand how this happens in real life,

第一种理论叫作认知评估，

I think it's helpful to know what emotions actually are.

大意是说，

对情绪的感受其实是

And there's two popular theories about where emotions come from.

The first theory is called cognitive appraisal,

你在评估自身当下的状况 是否和目标或期望相符。

which basically says

比如说，你有个让人兴奋的消息，

that the experience of an emotion is actually you evaluating

要带回家和另一半分享。

if your current situation aligns with your goals or expectations.

你进了门，看到另一半坐在沙发上，

没有打招呼， 或是问你“今天过得如何？”

So let's say you're on your way home to share some exciting news

with your significant other.

另一半反而一言不发离开了房间。

You walk through the door, you find them sitting on the couch,

你没有预料到这个晚上 会变成这样，

but instead of a hello or "how was your day?"

这就有可能导致恼火的情绪。

合理吗？

they leave the room without saying a word.

另一个理论叫生理感知，

Now, that's not how you expected your evening to go,

讲的是我们潜意识中会将情绪

which could lead to the emotion of feeling annoyed.

Does that make sense?

分配给生理变化。

The other theory is called physiological perception,

公开演讲可以很好地理解这个概念。

which is all about the emotions we subconsciously assign

很完美，对吧？

通常，在我进行演讲前， 我心里会七上八下。

to the physical changes in our body.

Public speaking is a great way to understand this.

如果我上次演讲时 有同样的身体感觉，

How perfect, right?

Usually, right before I speak I get butterflies in my stomach.

且演讲很顺利，

我可能会把那个状况或感觉

Now, if I had that same physical feeling the last time I spoke in public

诠释为兴奋的情绪。

但假设说我上次的演讲搞砸了。

and the speech went well,

I may interpret that situation or that sensation

我可能就会将那种七上八下的 感觉诠释为紧张或恐惧。

as the emotion of excitement.

基本上，我们会 把来自过去经验的生理感知

But let's just say I bombed my last speech.

I may now interpret that butterfly feeling as nervousness or fear.

套用到当下的状况中。

有趣的是，

Basically, we overlay our physiological perception

这两种理论也可以 对他人的情绪进行评估。

from our past experiences

onto our current situation.

因为大脑中 负责处理情绪和记忆的部分——

And what's interesting is that both of these theories

also play into how we assess the emotions of other people.

边缘系统——

被认为是一种开放回路系统，

意味着，任何外在因素都可以影响它。

Because the part of the brain that processes emotion and memory --

想想看：

the limbic system --

你可曾经过某人身旁， 无需言语，

is considered to be an open-loop system,

which means it can be influenced by any external factor.

你就能感受到他们恼怒或兴奋的情绪？

Think about it:

也许接下来你自己 也会感到恼怒或兴奋。

have you ever passed by someone,

and without saying a word,

这个概念还挺有趣的，

you could feel how annoyed or how excited they were?

因为我们的大脑天生就会 从环境中取得这类微妙的信号，

And then maybe you felt annoyed or excited too.

因此别人的情绪就有可能会 跳向你，附着在你身上。

It's an interesting concept to think about,

because our brains are hardwired

但许多人并不知道，

to pick up these subtle cues in our environment,

每个人都会被我们的 开放回路系统影响。

which makes it possible for the other person's emotions

to jump and attach to you.

许多工作上的同事或同一个团队的成员

难免会在对方身上捕捉到感情

But what many people don't realize

is that every human being is affected by our open-loop system.

分享一切，从嫉妒到羡慕， 从担心到喜悦。

Many people at work or many people on the same team

团体越有凝聚力， 分享心情的趋势就会越强烈。

inevitably catch feelings from one another,

在体育圈经常能看到这种现象。

sharing everything from jealousy to envy and worry to joy.

有时它会是好事，

The more cohesive the group, the stronger the sharing of moods.

比如，一支球队被打得很惨，

And we see this play out in sports all the time.

但队长能够控制好他/她的情绪，

脚踏实地并保持专注，

And sometimes even in a good way,

就会增加其他队员 脚踏实地并保持专注的几率——

like if the team is getting beat

but the captain regulates his or her emotions

发生这种状况是很棒的，

and stays grounded and present,

然而只需要队上有一个人 表现出负面的情绪，

that can increase the likelihood

that the rest of the team will stay grounded and present as well --

就能将一切都搞砸。

which is great when it happens,

现在花点时间想想看， 你陷入恼怒的情绪会持续多久？

but all it takes is for one person on that team to express a negative emotion

特别是在碰到一个刺儿头之后。

for the whole thing to fall apart.

是几天吗？

Now take a moment and think about how long you've held onto an irritation,

几周？还是几个月 ？

天，我有个老板，

especially after an encounter from a prickly person.

我让他的负面情绪 跳向我并附着在我身上。

Was it days?

Weeks? Months?

足足一年的时间里我都带着这些情绪——

Man, I had this one boss,

真的是一年。

who I let his negative emotions jump and attach to me.

现在回想起来，

我觉得好尴尬 因为我因此失去了生产力，

And I held onto them for a year --

还感到极大的压力，

literally a year.

And when I think back now,

全是因为我和我的老板 接收到了彼此的挫折感，

I can't help but cringe because of all the productivity lost

又跳不出跳跃仙人掌效应的循环。

and the amount of stress that I felt

但理想的状况，

all because my boss and I caught each other's frustrations

能改善团队和团体的动力 以及个体幸福感，

and couldn't escape the cycle of the jumping cholla effect.

那就要做到人人都能够 控制自己的情绪状态，

But the ideal situation,

做法是把别人的情绪还给他们。

which improves team and group dynamics as well as individual happiness,

研究发现，有两种常见的 情绪控制策略可以派上用场。

is for everyone to control their emotional state

by sending back the other person's emotions to them.

而我总是用这些策略 来帮助我的客户。

And research shows that there's two common emotion regulation strategies

各位还记得认知评估吗？

你会根据自己的目标和期望， 将一个情况赋予意义？

that can help.

And I use both of these with my clients all the time.

第一个策略叫认知重新评估，

Do you remember cognitive appraisal

也就是花功夫去重新调整 你诠释情况的方式，

where you assign meaning to a situation based on your goals and expectations?

以控制自己的情绪。

Well, the first strategy is called cognitive reappraisal,

就像是采取主动步骤， 去重新评估你的徒步路线，

where you work to reframe how you interpret the situation

以避开跳跃仙人掌。

in order to regulate your emotions.

让我来举个例子。

It's like taking active steps to reevaluate your hiking path

我有个客户是名士兵， 他在受训要成为讯问者。

in order to avoid the jumping cholla.

每当有人给他反馈意见， 他立即变得防备起来，

Let me give you an example.

然后为自己的行为找理由。

So I once had this soldier

who was training to become an interrogator.

最终，他告诉我，他会那样做

And every time he got feedback, he immediately became defensive

是因为他认为他的教官不喜欢他。

所以，我们用了认知重新评估，

and then would justify his behavior.

他要学习主动暂停，去改变

Eventually he told me that he acted that way

because he thought his instructor just didn't like him.

他对于那个情况的诠释方式和期待。

So with the use of cognitive reappraisal,

所以，如果他想着“教官讨厌我，

he was taught to actively pause and reframe his interpretation

他总是看起来很失望。”

他就会把那个想法转变成

and expectation of the situation.

“他可能看起来很失望，

但他会花时间指导我 应该怎么调整。”

So if he thought "my instructor hates me,

he always looks upset,"

训练大脑重新诠释是需要时间的，

he would reframe that thought to

"he may look upset

有时并不容易，

but he takes the time to walk me through what I need to fix."

因为我们的每个想法中 都会有着对真相的暗示。

Now training your brain to reframe takes time,

但如果你持续练习海边诠释方式，

你就能够跟刺儿头接触

and sometimes it's not easy

because there's a hint of truth within each of our thoughts.

且不会因为别人的心情而产生负面影响。

But if you work consistently on reframing,

另一个情绪控制策略是接受。

you'll be able to engage prickly people without being negatively affected

意思是你所想的。

就是学习去接受 这个时刻就是这个样子的，

by the other person's mood.

而不是你希望它是什么样子的。

Acceptance is the other emotion regulation strategy.

当我教别人应该怎么做时， 我会用“三步走”的方法：

It means what you think.

It's learning to accept a moment for what it is

“好；所以呢；现在呢。”

and not for what you want it to be.

说“好”时，你会暂时 停止任何额外的评判，

And when I teach people how to do this, I use a three-step framework:

不去评判对方或情况。

"OK; so what; now what."

接着你会给自己空间 去接受你的生理反应，

By saying "OK," you halt any additional judgment

以及你对发生的状况有什么感知。

to the person or to the situation.

一旦你能和自己的想法 及情绪保持距离，

You then allow yourself space to accept your physiological responses

你就可以说，“所以呢”

and your perception to what's happening.

这样就能帮你把发生的状况 单纯视为一个事件。

And once you've distanced yourself from your thoughts

and your emotional state,

当你进入到“现在呢”，

then you can say, "so what"

那就表示你已经收集到了足够的信息，

because this helps acknowledge what happened purely as an event.

可以对这个事件作出回应。

And as you transition into "now what"

大部分人可以做到“好”这一步，

that means that you've gathered enough information

但难以超越“所以呢”，

因为我们很难 将生理感知和现实情况切割开来。

to be able to respond to the event.

Now most people can get to "OK,"

but struggle to get past "so what" because it can be difficult

但我会要大家谨记这件事：

接受并不表示你认为 发生这种状况没有关系，

to detach our physiological perception from the situation.

也不表示你希望这种情况延续下去。

它表示你能够抽离， 从鸟瞰的角度来看待这个交易，

But here's what I tell people to keep in mind.

Acceptance doesn't mean that you're OK with what happened

知道刺在什么地方

or that you even want it to continue.

以及沾染上这种情绪是否是值得的。

It means that you're able to take an aerial shot of the exchange

这两个策略我都很喜欢，

因为它们很强大，

and understand where the prickly spines are

特别是它们能够影响我们 对待生活和人际关系的方式。

and if they're worth attaching to.

Now, both of these strategies are my favorite

甚至有研究指出，

认知重新评估在负面的情况中，

because they're so powerful,

especially on the effects that they have on how we approach life and relationships.

通常会和更快速释放情绪有所关联，

And one study even suggests

至于接受

that cognitive reappraisal tends to be associated

则更适合在不愉快的情况中 减少短期的生理反应。

with more immediate emotional relief in negative situations,

但最棒的是什么？

whereas acceptance may be better suited

这些策略不需要单独运用。

for decreasing short-term physiological reactions in unpleasant situations.

接受和认知重新评估可以交替运用，

But the best part?

以维持情绪上的自我控制。

Both of these strategies don't have to be separate practices.

不过，实际应用它们的关键 在于要有自我意识，

Acceptance and cognitive reappraisal can be used interchangeably

要意识到某人或某事 触发了你的情绪反应。

in order to maintain emotional self-control.

The key though to implementing them is to become self-aware

一旦你能有意识地 注意到你的想法、情绪

或身体感受，

when you become emotionally triggered by another person or event.

你就能练习运用这两种技巧。

And once you've consciously become aware of either your thoughts, emotions

这些观念可能很常见，

但我可以告诉各位， 它们不常被运用出来。

or physical sensations,

well then you can practice either technique.

所以，记住跳跃仙人掌效应

These may be common concepts,

能够帮你更有自我意识， 把自我控制做得更好。

but I'll tell you they're definitely not commonly practiced.

最终，

你就能避免被刺儿头给刺到。

So by remembering the jumping cholla effect,

it will help you to be more self-aware and self-regulated.

谢谢。

And in turn, well, you'll avoid getting pricked by ...

a prick.

Thank you.