How to avoid catching prickly emotions from other people | Jessica Garza

Transcriber: Leslie Gauthier Reviewer: Joanna Pietrulewicz

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Helen Chang

So I'm a sports and performance psychologist,

我是運動及表演心理學家，

which means I get to work with a lot of people

意思就是，我有許多合作對象，

like elite athletes,

比如運動菁英、軍方專業人士，

military professionals

以及頂尖的政府機構，

and top government agencies,

whose career and safety depend on peak performance.

這些人的職涯和安全都要 仰賴他們做出最佳表現。

And I'll never forget this one story a soldier told me

有個故事我永遠無法忘記，

有位士兵告訴我 他在伊拉克服役的經歷。

about his time serving in Iraq.

It was around the early 2000s

時間是 2000 年代初期，當時美國

when the United States had military operations in both Iraq and Afghanistan.

在伊拉克和阿富汗有軍事行動。

And during this time,

在這段時間，美國鼓勵許多當地人

many locals were encouraged to come forward

站出來分享關於潛在威脅的資訊。

and share information about potential threats.

So one day this Iraqi man approaches the gate of a US outpost

有一天，一名伊拉克男子 靠近美國前哨基地的大門，

to share intelligence about a possible threat.

要分享關於一項可能的威脅的情報。

But instead of being treated like an ally,

但他沒有被當作盟友來對待，

he was met with hostility by the soldier who was debriefing him.

負責聽他報告的士兵帶著敵意。

But that's likely because just days earlier,

但這很有可能是因為幾天前，

soldiers from another unit were killed in a surprise attack.

另一個單位的士兵在一次 未料到的突擊中被殺害。

And so as the interview continued, so did the soldier's irritation.

隨著訪談進行下去， 這名士兵越來越惱怒。

And as a result, the Iraqi man became frustrated.

結果就是，這名伊拉克 男子感到很挫折。

In the end, tempers were flaring so high that the interview was cut short,

最後，大家的火氣都太大了，

訪談被迫提早結束。

and the following day,

隔天，

two separate units were hit by roadside bombs.

兩個不同單位被路邊的炸彈攻擊。

當然，我們永遠無法知道 如果訪談有不同的發展，

Of course we'll never know for sure if the attacks could have been stopped

had the interview gone differently,

這些攻擊能否被避免。

but the reason why I'm telling you this story

但我分享這個故事的原因，

is because it's an excellent example of a supercommon problem

因為它是很個好的例子， 可以說明一個超常見的問題，

that keeps so many of us from performing at our best.

這個問題讓好多人 無法達到最佳表現。

And it's how well we're able to regulate our emotions,

那就是：我們能把 情緒控管做得多好？

which is one of the most common drivers of a good and bad performance.

它是影響表現好壞 最重要的常見因素之一。

And it turns out how well you're able to regulate your emotions

結果發現，你的情緒控管做得多好，

depends on how susceptible you are to a principle called emotional contagion.

要看你有多容易受到 情緒感染原則的影響。

It's just like it sounds.

顧名思義，

It's how quickly you can catch the emotions of other people

情緒感染就是你有多快 接住別人的情緒

and then take them on as your own.

然後把它變成自己的。

The problem is though,

不過問題是

most of us are highly susceptible to other people's emotions,

大部分人非常容易 被別人的情緒影響，

which means even the smallest external factor can impact

那就表示，連最微小的外在因素

也可能會影響我們的工作上、

how we perform at work,

on the field, and even at home.

實做上，甚至在家中的表現。

But lucky for us,

但，我們很幸運，

我們可以學習如何避開別人的情緒，

we can learn how to avoid other people's emotions

by becoming better at regulating our own.

做法是把我們 自己的情緒控管得更好。

So here's how I like to think about this.

所以，我喜歡這樣想：

Take a look.

看看這張圖。

Now at a glance, this looks like a giant, teddy bear-looking shrub, right?

乍看之下，

這看起來像是巨大、 很像泰迪熊的矮灌木，對吧？

I remember seeing one of these for the very first time

我記得我是在亞歷桑納健行時 第一次看到這種東西，

while hiking in Arizona,

and because it looked soft,

因為它看起來很軟，我伸手去碰它。

I reached out to touch it.

但當我的手夠近的時候，

But by the time my hand was close enough,

the spines on the branches jumped and pricked me --

枝上的刺就直接跳上來扎我——

literally, my hand was covered.

真的，就蓋在我手上。

And every time I tried to remove one,

每當我試圖移除一根刺，

that little sucker would break off

這惱人的小東西會斷開， 躲進皮膚更深處。

and it would burrow deeper into my skin,

just like the guy in the video.

就像影片中的這個人。 （影片）男人：啊！

(Video) Man: Argh!

Jessica Woods: And this plant -- it has the perfect name.

這種植物——它有個絕妙的名字。

It's called the jumping cholla,

它叫做跳躍仙人掌，

and it left a lasting impression --

且它會留下難以抹滅的印象—— 是比喻也是事實——

figuratively and literally.

So much so that when I teach people how to regulate their emotions

印象強到，當我要教別人 如何控管他們的情緒

and avoid catching the emotions of other people,

以及避免接到別人的情緒時，

I refer to the "jumping cholla effect."

我就會提到「跳躍仙人掌效應」。

And over the years,

這些年來，

I have concluded that the jumping chollas are just like people.

我得到的結論是： 跳躍仙人掌就像是人。

They can be pricks,

它們有時真是討厭鬼（「刺」），

and if you're not careful, they can borrow deep into your skin.

如果你不小心，它們就會 深入到你的皮膚下。

So to understand how this happens in real life,

若要了解在真實人生中 這種狀況是怎麼發生的，

I think it's helpful to know what emotions actually are.

我認為應該要先了解情緒是什麼。

And there's two popular theories about where emotions come from.

對於情緒的來源， 有兩種常見的理論。

The first theory is called cognitive appraisal,

第一個理論叫做認知評估，

which basically says

基本上就是，

that the experience of an emotion is actually you evaluating

對情緒的感受，

其實是你在評估你目前的狀況

if your current situation aligns with your goals or expectations.

是否和你的目標或期望相符。

So let's say you're on your way home to share some exciting news

比如，你有個讓人興奮的消息， 要帶回家和另一半分享，

with your significant other.

你進了門，看到另一半坐在沙發上，

You walk through the door, you find them sitting on the couch,

but instead of a hello or "how was your day?"

但沒有跟你說哈囉 或「今天過得如何？」，

they leave the room without saying a word.

另一半反而不發一語離開了房間。

Now, that's not how you expected your evening to go,

你沒有預期到你的夜晚 會有這樣的發展，

which could lead to the emotion of feeling annoyed.

這就有可能導致惱火的情緒。

Does that make sense?

合理嗎？

The other theory is called physiological perception,

另一個理論叫做生理感知，

講的是我們潛意識中會將情緒分派給

which is all about the emotions we subconsciously assign

to the physical changes in our body.

體內產生的改變。

Public speaking is a great way to understand this.

從演講就很容易了解這一點。

How perfect, right?

多完美啊？

Usually, right before I speak I get butterflies in my stomach.

通常，在我演講前， 我會心裡七上八下。

Now, if I had that same physical feeling the last time I spoke in public

如果我上次演講時 有同樣的身體感覺，

and the speech went well,

且演講很順利，

I may interpret that situation or that sensation

我可能會把那個情況或知覺

as the emotion of excitement.

詮釋為興奮的情緒。

But let's just say I bombed my last speech.

但，假設我上次演講搞砸了。

I may now interpret that butterfly feeling as nervousness or fear.

我就可能會把那七上八下的 感覺詮釋為緊張或恐懼。

Basically, we overlay our physiological perception

基本上，我們會把來自過去經驗的

from our past experiences

生理感知套用到目前的狀況中。

onto our current situation.

And what's interesting is that both of these theories

有趣的是，

這兩種理論

also play into how we assess the emotions of other people.

也可以應用在對他人情緒的評估上。

Because the part of the brain that processes emotion and memory --

因為大腦中負責處理 情緒和記憶的部分——

the limbic system --

邊緣系統——

is considered to be an open-loop system,

被認為是一種開放迴路系統，

which means it can be influenced by any external factor.

意思就是，任何外在因素 都可以影響它。

Think about it:

想想看：

have you ever passed by someone,

你可曾經過某人旁邊， 不用說任何一個字，

and without saying a word,

you could feel how annoyed or how excited they were?

你就能感受到他們有多惱怒或興奮？

And then maybe you felt annoyed or excited too.

接著也許你也會感到惱怒或興奮。

It's an interesting concept to think about,

這個概念還挺有趣的，

because our brains are hardwired

因為我們的大腦天生就會 從環境中取得這類微妙的信號，

to pick up these subtle cues in our environment,

which makes it possible for the other person's emotions

因此就讓別人的情緒有可能會 跳向你，附著在你身上。

to jump and attach to you.

But what many people don't realize

但許多人並不知道，

is that every human being is affected by our open-loop system.

每個人都會被我們的 開放迴路系統影響。

Many people at work or many people on the same team

許多工作上的同事或同團隊的成員

inevitably catch feelings from one another,

無法避免一定會接到彼此的感覺，

sharing everything from jealousy to envy and worry to joy.

分享一切，從嫉妒到羨慕， 從擔心到喜悅。

The more cohesive the group, the stronger the sharing of moods.

團體越有凝聚力， 心情的分享就會越強烈。

And we see this play out in sports all the time.

在運動圈經常能看到這個現象。

And sometimes even in a good way,

有時它會是好事，

like if the team is getting beat

比如，一支隊伍被打得很慘，

but the captain regulates his or her emotions

但隊長能管控好他／她的情緒，

and stays grounded and present,

且腳踏實地並保持專注，

that can increase the likelihood

就會增加隊上其他成員 腳踏實地並保持專注的機率——

that the rest of the team will stay grounded and present as well --

which is great when it happens,

發生這種狀況是很棒，

but all it takes is for one person on that team to express a negative emotion

但只需要隊上有一個人

表現出負面的情緒，

for the whole thing to fall apart.

一切就會崩壞。

Now take a moment and think about how long you've held onto an irritation,

現在花點時間想想看，

你會緊抓著惱怒的感覺多久？

especially after an encounter from a prickly person.

特別是在遇到一個帶刺的人之後。

Was it days?

是幾天嗎？

Weeks? Months?

幾週？幾個月？

Man, I had this one boss,

天，我有個老闆，

who I let his negative emotions jump and attach to me.

我容許他的負面情緒 跳向我並附著在我身上。

And I held onto them for a year --

我帶著這些情緒足足一年——

literally a year.

真的是一年。

And when I think back now,

現在回想起來，

I can't help but cringe because of all the productivity lost

我覺得好尷尬，

因為我因此失去了生產力， 且感到極大的壓力，

and the amount of stress that I felt

all because my boss and I caught each other's frustrations

全是因為我和我老闆 接到了彼此的挫折感，

and couldn't escape the cycle of the jumping cholla effect.

且逃不出跳躍仙人掌效應的循環。

But the ideal situation,

但理想的情況

which improves team and group dynamics as well as individual happiness,

能改善團隊和團體的動力 以及個人的快樂，

is for everyone to control their emotional state

那就要做到人人都能 控制自己的情緒狀態，

by sending back the other person's emotions to them.

做法是把別人的情緒還給他們。

And research shows that there's two common emotion regulation strategies

研究發現，有兩種常見的 情緒控管策略能派上用場。

that can help.

And I use both of these with my clients all the time.

而我經常用這些策略 來協助我的客戶。

Do you remember cognitive appraisal

各位還記得認知評估嗎？

where you assign meaning to a situation based on your goals and expectations?

你會根據你的目標及期望， 將一個情況賦予意義？

Well, the first strategy is called cognitive reappraisal,

第一個策略叫做認知重新評估，

where you work to reframe how you interpret the situation

也就是花心力去重新調整 你詮釋情況的方式，

in order to regulate your emotions.

以控管你的情緒。

It's like taking active steps to reevaluate your hiking path

就像是採取主動步驟， 去重新評估你的健行路線，

in order to avoid the jumping cholla.

以避開跳躍仙人掌。

Let me give you an example.

讓我舉個例子。

So I once had this soldier

我有個客戶是名士兵， 他在受訓要成為訊問者。

who was training to become an interrogator.

And every time he got feedback, he immediately became defensive

每當有人給他回饋意見，

他就會馬上防禦起來，

and then would justify his behavior.

接著會為他的行為找理由。

Eventually he told me that he acted that way

最終，他告訴我，他會那樣做

because he thought his instructor just didn't like him.

是因為他認為他的教官不喜歡他。

So with the use of cognitive reappraisal,

所以，我們用了認知重新評估，

he was taught to actively pause and reframe his interpretation

他要學習主動暫停一下，去改變

他對於那個情況的詮釋方式和期望。

and expectation of the situation.

So if he thought "my instructor hates me,

所以，如果他會想 「我的教官討厭我，

he always looks upset,"

他總是看來很失望。」

he would reframe that thought to

他就會把那個想法轉變成

"he may look upset

「他可能看起來很失望，

but he takes the time to walk me through what I need to fix."

但他會花時間帶我了解 我應該怎麼調整。」

Now training your brain to reframe takes time,

訓練大腦重新詮釋是需要時間的，

and sometimes it's not easy

有時並不容易，

because there's a hint of truth within each of our thoughts.

因為我們的每個想法中 都會有著對真相的暗示。

But if you work consistently on reframing,

但如果你持續練習改變詮釋方式，

you'll be able to engage prickly people without being negatively affected

你將能和帶刺的人互動，

且不會受到對方心情的負面影響。

by the other person's mood.

Acceptance is the other emotion regulation strategy.

另一個情緒控管策略是接受。

It means what you think.

意思就是你怎麼想。

It's learning to accept a moment for what it is

就是學習去接受 這個時刻就是這樣子的，

and not for what you want it to be.

而不是你希望它是什麼樣子的。

當我教別人如何做時， 我會用一種三步驟的架構：

And when I teach people how to do this, I use a three-step framework:

"OK; so what; now what."

「好；所以呢；現在呢。」

By saying "OK," you halt any additional judgment

說「好」時，你會暫時 停下任何額外的評斷，

to the person or to the situation.

不去評斷對方或情況。

You then allow yourself space to accept your physiological responses

接著你會讓自己有空間去接受

你的生理反應，

and your perception to what's happening.

以及你對於發生的狀況有什麼感知。

And once you've distanced yourself from your thoughts

一旦你能和你的想法 及情緒狀態保持距離，

and your emotional state,

接著就可以說「所以呢」，

then you can say, "so what"

because this helps acknowledge what happened purely as an event.

這樣能協助你把發生的狀況 單純視為一個事件。

And as you transition into "now what"

當你進入到「現在呢」，

that means that you've gathered enough information

那就表示你已經取得了足夠的資訊，

to be able to respond to the event.

可以對這個事件做出因應。

Now most people can get to "OK,"

大部分人可以做到「好」這一步，

but struggle to get past "so what" because it can be difficult

但很不容易超越「所以呢」，

因為我們很難

to detach our physiological perception from the situation.

把我們的生理感知和情況切割開來。

But here's what I tell people to keep in mind.

但我會要大家謹記這件事：

Acceptance doesn't mean that you're OK with what happened

接受並不表示你認為 發生這種狀況沒有關係，

or that you even want it to continue.

也不表示你希望這狀況繼續下去。

It means that you're able to take an aerial shot of the exchange

它表示你能抽離， 從鳥瞰的角度來看這個交易，

and understand where the prickly spines are

知道刺在什麼地方， 以及是否值得被它們扎上。

and if they're worth attaching to.

Now, both of these strategies are my favorite

這兩個策略我都很喜歡，

because they're so powerful,

因為它們很強大，

especially on the effects that they have on how we approach life and relationships.

特別是它們能影響我們 如何過人生、如何處理關係。

And one study even suggests

甚至有研究指出，

that cognitive reappraisal tends to be associated

認知重新評估在負面的情況中，

通常會和更快速釋放情緒有所關聯，

with more immediate emotional relief in negative situations,

whereas acceptance may be better suited

至於接受，

則更適合在不愉快的情況中

for decreasing short-term physiological reactions in unpleasant situations.

減少短期的生理反應。

But the best part?

但最棒的是什麼？

Both of these strategies don't have to be separate practices.

這些策略不需要分開來運用。

Acceptance and cognitive reappraisal can be used interchangeably

接受和認知重新評估可以交替運用，

in order to maintain emotional self-control.

以維持情緒上的自我控制。

The key though to implementing them is to become self-aware

不過，實際應用它們的關鍵

在於要有自我意識，

when you become emotionally triggered by another person or event.

要意識到某人或某事 觸發了你的情緒反應。

And once you've consciously become aware of either your thoughts, emotions

一旦你能有意識地注意到你的想法、

情緒，或身體感受，

or physical sensations,

well then you can practice either technique.

你就能練習運用這兩種技巧。

These may be common concepts,

這些觀念可能很常見，

but I'll tell you they're definitely not commonly practiced.

但我可以告訴各位， 它們不常被運用出來。

So by remembering the jumping cholla effect,

所以，記住跳躍仙人掌效應

it will help you to be more self-aware and self-regulated.

能協助你更有自我意識， 把自我控管做得更好。

And in turn, well, you'll avoid getting pricked by ...

接著，

你就可以避免被討厭鬼（刺）刺到。

a prick.

Thank you.

謝謝。