The 100 Tampons NASA (Almost) Sent To Space -- and Other Absurd Songs | Marcia Belsky | TED

翻译人员: 思辰 李 校对人员: Yip Yan Yeung

Thank you all so much, how's it going?

谢谢大家！ 最近过得怎么样？

How are you doing, TED, TEDWomen?

生活还算满意吧，TED，TEDWomen?

They brought me in for a bit of comic relief.

我被请来让大家开怀一笑， 放松放松。

I’m so excited to be here at TEDWomen.

在TEDWomen的台上， 我十分激动。

You know, I think I speak for myself,

我觉得我不仅仅是为了我自己发声，

but also for all of us,

而是为我们所有人站出来说话。

when I think I'm really inspired, you know, and personally,

我真的很受鼓舞，

I feel like I'm not going to stop until every person,

我会一直奋进，

直到所有人，不管死活， 都只剩女性。

living or dead, is a woman.

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Yeah.

对吧。

Yeah, I think that's where we're at.

嗯，就这意思对吧。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

No, but I do hate when people say that God is a woman, right?

但我特别讨厌 “上帝是一个女人”这个说法。

I hate that.

我特别讨厌。

说实话，我觉得如果他真是一个女人， 他会做的更好，你能理解我的意思吗？

I really, I think she would have done better, you know?

No.

不对吗？

(Laughter and applause)

（笑声和掌声）

It's like, if God is a woman, she's a real guy's gal,

如果上帝是个女人， 那她也太“女汉子”了。

if you know what I mean?

你懂我什么意思吗？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I'm going to do a couple songs for you guys.

我现在要为你们唱几首歌。

So this first one I wrote before lockdown, but it became especially relevant.

第一首歌我是在疫情封锁前写的， 不过它依然能产生共鸣。

And it's about this thing I do where I like somebody, I have a crush,

关于我喜欢某人时会做的一件事。

我可能对一个人动心了， 或者约了几次会。

or maybe we go on a couple of dates.

And instead of letting things unfold naturally,

但这次剧情走向发生了转折，

I'll sort of accidentally scroll their Instagram back until 2012.

我不小心翻到了 2012 年 他在Instagram上发的照片。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

This song is about that.

这首歌就是关于那件事的。

(Music)

（音乐）

(Singing) I learned too much about you too soon because I couldn’t wait.

（唱歌）我过早地了解了你， 因为我等不及了。

Yes, I internet-stalked you

我在网络上尾随了你，

to the point that we can no longer date.

以至于我们不能再约会。

Because I know your mother's name

因为我知道你妈的名字、

and your father's name

你爸的名字、

and your sister's name

你妹妹的名字、

and your cousin's husband's name.

和你表妹的老公的名字。

I know that your uncle recently passed away,

我知道你的舅舅刚刚去世。

and I'm so sorry about that, babe.

亲爱的，对此我很遗憾。

I know every girl that you've ever dated,

我知道你所有的前女友，

and the exact day you stopped being happy --

还有你哪一天不开心，

Your posture changed.

因为你的姿态变了。

I know that you and your friends hike.

我知道你经常和朋友一起徒步。

A lot.

It's too much, we'll change that.

去的太多了，我们得改改这个习惯。

Seen every photo tagged of you on the entire internet.

在网上看见过每张和你有关的照片。

I know you dropped out of college, but your Spanish, it's polished,

我知道你没有上完大学， 可是你的西班牙语特别好。

and you own approximately five shirts.

还有你有差不多五件衬衫。

The police are outside my door,

现在警察正站在我的门外，

but I'm clutching your hair doll I made on the floor.

但我在地板上攥着我做的你的娃娃。

If they ever tell people how often other people look at their profiles,

如果互联网告诉我们其他人有多么频繁地 去看我们的网络主页的话，

I will kill myself.

我就要自杀了。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

So goodbye,

所以再见吧，

lover I stalked.

被我跟踪的恋人。

(Applause)

（掌声）

Thank you.

谢谢。

(Applause)

（掌声）

It's vulnerable.

这真的是很脆弱的话题。

I feel like it's a thing people say

我觉得这个是人们在聚会上

when conversation gets, kind of, boring at parties, you know,

发现聊天话题很无趣时会说的。

they're like, "Did you hear there's an app

他们会说： “喂，你有没有听说过一个软件，

where you can see who looks at your Instagram?"

可以让你看到 谁在看你的Instagram？”

It's like, that's not funny.

喔，这可不好玩。

It's not funny, it's not a cool thing to say.

这不搞笑，这说出来可不酷。

I feel like there are people here who have been married for 40 years, like,

我估计有些已经结婚 40 年的人在想

"What the hell is she talking about?"

“她到底在说什么？”

Yeah, it's complicated now.

对的，现在有点复杂，

It's gotten complicated in.

情况变得非常复杂了。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Audience: We’re not so ancient!

观众：我们可没那么老！

MB: No, I know.

MB：对的我知道。

You don't have to be old to be married 40 years,

结婚 40 年不一定很老，

some people get married when they're, like, 20.

有些人 20 岁就结婚了。

Not me.

不是我哈。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I do understand why, like, baby boomers are sort of afraid

我确实理解为什么婴儿潮一代 （1946 - 1964 年生人）现在有点害怕

now that millennials are getting older, you know,

千禧一代（1980 - 2000 年生人） 在长大。

now that we're getting real jobs, I do get that.

我们千禧一代真的在干活， 我懂的。

You know, it's hard to imagine a millennial in a serious job, right?

真的很难想象千禧一代 做正经的工作，对吧？

Can you imagine a millennial as a doctor?

你能想象千禧一代当医生吗？

You know?

你能想象吗？

Like, "Not to be a bitch, but you have cancer."

他们会不会说“可不是我犯贱， 但是你得了癌症。”

(Laughter)

（笑声)

You know, like hands your prognosis like,

递给你一封预后诊断然后说

"I'm really sorry.

“我真的感到很抱歉，

Actually, I'm not sorry."

好吧，我其实并不抱歉。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I'll tell you a little about myself.

我跟你们说一些有关我的事吧。

I had a pretty crazy last couple of years.

我的近几年相当疯狂。

So basically, I had this set come out for Comedy Central, a short set,

我在喜剧中心频道出了套短节目，

that came out April 2020.

2020 年 4 月播出的。

So right when we had just gotten into lockdown.

就是疫情封锁刚开始的时候。

And then cut to like six months later,

差不多 6 个月以后，

one of the songs I did from that set went super viral on TikTok.

节目里的一首歌在抖音上开始爆火。

And I was not on TikTok, OK,

我都没有抖音，好吧。

because I'm 32, so I, sort of, didn't know we were allowed.

因为我 32 岁了， 我都不确定我该不该上抖音。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

But we are.

看来还是可以的。

And it was crazy because there's all these people lip-synching my song,

真的很疯狂， 有好多人在对口型假唱我的歌。

but in my real life,

不过在现实生活中，

I had just started this job working customer support

我刚刚找了份客服的工作，

for a food delivery app.

就在一个外卖软件的公司。

So answering phone calls for customer support.

每天接客服电话。

The worst job I've ever had in my life.

我这辈子做过的最无聊的工作。

So it was this really weird juxtaposition

这是一种奇怪的双重体验，

because I'm having this huge career moment when I look at my phone, right?

因为我一翻开手机 就会觉得自己事业有成。

人们在推特上对我说， “我们爱你，你是个天才。

People are tweeting at me like, "We love you. You're a genius."

And then for eight hours a day, people are, like,

然后每天工作的 8 个小时， 他们又说

"You're a bitch, where's my food?"

“傻逼，我的吃的在哪儿？”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And it was really interesting to experience.

这段经历真的非常有趣。

So I'm going to play this song for you guys,

现在我要给你们放一首歌，

and then I'm going to go over some of my favorite male reactions

再给你们看一下 我最喜欢的几种男网友的反应。

that I got on the internet afterwards.

So this song, maybe you've heard it, maybe you haven't.

这首歌你或许听过，或许没有。

It is the true story

不过它是一个真实的故事，

about the first American woman who they ever sent to space,

讲的是美国第一位被送上太空的女性，

whose name was Sally Ride.

她的名字叫 莎莉·莱德（Sally Ride）。

(Singing) Remember when NASA sent a woman to space

（唱歌）还记得当NASA（美国国家航空航天局） 将一个女人送入太空

for only six days

仅仅 6 天。

and they gave her one hundred tampons?

他们给了她 100 个卫生棉条？

One hundred tampons.

100 个卫生棉条。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And they asked, "Will that be enough?"

他们问：“这么多够了吗？”

(Music)

（音乐）

Because they didn't know if that was enough.

因为他们不知道够不够。

These are our nation's greatest minds.

我们国家最聪明的人，

They are literally rocket scientists.

他们是货真价实的火箭科学家。

They also tied the tampons together by the strings like sausages.

他们还把卫生棉条 像香肠一样用绳子绑在一起。

One hundred tampons.

100 个卫生棉条。

A hundred tampons.

100 条卫生棉。

I can picture it now.

我现在真的可以脑补出来，

Come with me.

和我一起试试。

"I'm Sally Ride, and I'm going to space for the first time.

“我是莎莉·莱德， 这是我第一次进入太空。“

I'm walking tall.

我昂首挺胸。

I feel so proud.

我万分自豪。

Then I see a man running panicked through the crowd.

然后我看见一个男人慌张地向我跑来，

He's holding a large bag.

他握着一个超级大的袋子。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I think, what can this be?

我心想，这个袋子里面装的是什么呢？

And then he hands 100 tampons to me.

然后他把 100 个卫生棉条递给我。

And then he hands 100 tampons to me.

然后他把 100 个卫生棉塞给我。

For one week.”

就只是为了一个星期。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

"They could have asked me.

“他们应该先问问我的，

I would have said, "Maybe 33."

我会说‘差不多 33 个’。 ”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

“Because even if it were my period week,

“因为就算是我来例假的那个星期，

I might have already brought some with me."

我估计已经随身带了一些。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

"But, you know ...

“不过，

Thanks, I guess."

谢谢？”

One hundred tampons.

100 个卫生棉条。

How does she use a tampon when they tied the strings together?

不过那些卫生棉条全都被绑到一起， 她是怎么用的？

One hundred tampons.

100 个卫生棉条。

Don't hate me.

别恨我。

525,600 tampons --

525600 个卫生棉条，

So sorry,

对不起。

525,000 tampons

525000 个卫生棉条，

in space.

在太空中。

Thank you all.

谢谢大家。

(Applause)

（掌声）

Thank you so much. Thank you.

谢谢，谢谢大家。

(Applause)

（掌声）

Thank you, I really appreciate it.

谢谢，真的非常感谢。

So men on the internet were furious about this song.

所以很多男人在网上 听到这首歌后很生气。

Furious.

特别生气。

And it's funny because honestly,

这真的蛮搞笑的， 因为老实说

out of all the feminist comedy songs that I've written,

在我写的所有搞笑女权主义歌曲中，

this is the absolute tamest by far.

这首是最善良，最温和的。

Like, for example, me and my bandmate Isabel Martin,

例如，我和我的乐队成员 伊莎贝尔·马丁（Isabel Martin），

we wrote a song called “All Older White Men Should Die (But Not My Dad).”

我们一起写了一首歌叫“ 所有老白男都该死（除了我爹）”。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

So I really didn't think this would make them that angry.

我从来没有想过 这首歌会让他们如此愤怒。

I really didn't.

我真的没有想到。

But they were enraged.

不过他们被激怒了。

So I wanted to show you some of my favorite genres

我想要跟大家分享一下

of comments that I got.

我最喜欢的几种的评论。

So this first one,

所以第一种，

we have what I call the honest critic, just offering a critique.

我们有所谓的“诚恳的批评家”， 别的不说，单纯批评。

OK, so he starts,

一开始他说：

“It was funny at first but then she ruined it.”

“开头有点意思， 然后她把啥都毁了”

OK, all right, let's hear him out.

好吧，听到你说的了。

Someone said, "Please elaborate."

还有人说：“请详细说明。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

All right, you have criticism, let's hear it.

好吧，你有批评意见就让我们听听咯。

"She kept yappin' about the tampons."

“她一直嚷嚷卫生棉条。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And you know what? Fair.

怎么说呢？行吧。

So, you know, I'm going to take that.

我接受。

I mean, to be honest, the tampons is sort of a central part of the song.

我的意思就是说， 卫生棉条真是咱们这首歌的核心内容。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

But I'll take the note, you know, we'll work it going forward.

但我会记住的， 我会努力改正的。

This next one I call the microgravity expert.

下面一种人我称之为“微重力专家”。

And this was an absolutely amazing phenomenon,

这个现象绝对惊人。

because what happened was

因为发生了什么呢，

somehow within the three to four minutes of my song,

就在我这短短三四分钟的歌曲中，

thousands of men on the internet

网上成千上万的男人

became experts in microgravity and menstruation.

突然成为了微重力和月经领域的专家。

And I think that is so impressive,

太令人佩服了。

because normally that sort of takes years to really understand.

这种东西通常 可是要花好几年才能学会的。

But they got it like that, and I just think that is huge.

但他们就这样轻松掌握了， 特别了不起。

He said, "At that time,

他说：”那个时候，

nobody had experienced having a period in microgravity.

没人在微重力环境下来过月经。

Relax."

冷静。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Because really, that's what they're angry about,

真的，这就是他们生气的原因，

as they're sitting at their computer, like,

他们就这样坐在电脑前：

“Stop laughing! It isn’t funny!”

“别笑了！这不好笑！”

This next comment, this pissed me off

接下来的这种评论让我尤其生气，

more than anything.

比什么都更让人恼火。

This type of comment, I'll just show you.

这种评论，我给大家看看吧。

“Look up Bo Burnham, if you liked.”

“如果你喜欢这个视频， 还可以看看博·伯纳姆（Bo Burnham）。”

And then the person said, "I did look him up and he's really good.

然后另个人说： “我查了查他，他真的很不错。

Thanks for the suggestion."

谢谢你的建议。”

Guys, can we focus on me?

各位，能不能把注意力放在我身上？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Can we please focus on me?

能不能关注于我？

Bo Burnham has had three Netflix specials, alright?

博·伯纳姆有三个Netflix特辑，

I just quit my job at customer support, OK?

而我才辞了我的客服工作，好吗？

So let's just focus on me.

所以注意下我的感受。

OK, it's my song.

好歹是我的歌。

OK, thank you.

好吗，谢谢了。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Thank you so much.

非常感谢。

This last one.

最后一种。

This is what I call the essayist,

我称这种人为“散文家”。

and this is somebody who I’m sure were pitching to The New York Times,

我认定这种人一定是 正在往《纽约时报》投稿，

and The New York Times said, “We’re full this month.”

结果《纽约时报》说： “我们这个月已经投满了。”

So they decided to just DM it to me directly,

所以他们决定把文章私信给我。

and I think that's great.

我觉得这样很好。

This went on for several paragraphs, I will say.

文章可有好几大段呢。

"Does 100 tampons really seem that unreasonable

“考虑到这是NASA，

considering that it's NASA?"

100 个卫生棉条 真的看起来那么不合理吗？”

Huh?

嗯？

"I'm male" -- No! --

“我是男的。”别吧？！

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I really thought this message was a woman, that's ... wow!

我真的以为这条信息 是个女的发给我的，这也太...”

"And I understand that you wouldn't take 100 with you on a 7-day vacation,

“而且我理解，如果是寻常的 7 天假期， 你不会带 100 个卫生棉，

but NASA had to plan for the absolute worst-case scenario.

但是NASA必须为 极端最坏的情况做打算。

From a quick Google... "

我迅速地谷歌了一下...”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

"I see most women use three to 10 tampons per day,

“我发现大多数女性 一天使用 3-10 个卫生棉条，

10 being an absolute disaster of a flow."

用 10 个就算是灾难级的流量。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

“An absolute disaster of a flow.”

“灾难级的流量。”

Because this is what their fear was, wasn’t it?

这就是他们怕的地方，不是吗？

The men at NASA, they're like, "She's going to get up there,

NASA里的人想：“一旦她到了太空，

it's going to come out of her eyes and her ears and her mouth.

这东西就会从她的 眼睛鼻子嘴巴里流出来。

And if we don't have 100 tampons, boys, we're in trouble.

如果我们不准备 100 个卫生棉， 那我们就摊上大事了。

We're in real trouble up there, boys."

那就真的麻烦了。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

So I wrote him back, I said, "You're absolutely right.

所以我回复道：“你说的对，

I'll cut the song.

我会把这首歌删掉的。

I'll delete it right now. It doesn't make any sense.

现在就删， 这首歌没有任何意义。

You're completely right."

你完全是对的。”

But in all honesty, I am really, really thankful

但说实话，我真的很感激

if this song started any conversation

如果这首歌促成了任何 原本让人感到尴尬不适的

where it might otherwise be uncomfortable about periods,

关于经期的谈话，

that's a lot of the feedback I got.

那这就是我能得到的最好的反馈了。

And that was the most amazing thing to me,

这也的确是让我最惊讶的事情。

like, people sending it in their Slack channels to their bosses,

人们开始在Slack频道 把这首歌发给她们的老板，

texting it to their dads.

发给她们的父亲。

And I just think it's really insane,

这真的很难以置信。

as we all know that half the population bleeds

我们知道，世界上一半的人在流血，

and the other half has no idea what is going on.

但另一半人完全不知道发生了什么。

And I'm really grateful for that.

我很感激，

And I know it sounds cheesy,

虽然听起来很俗，

but I often just find myself thinking

但是我常常会想

that I really hope Sally would have liked it.

如果萨莉（宇航员） 会喜欢这首歌就好了。

So thank you all so much.

真的很感谢大家。

Thank you.

谢谢！

(Applause)

（掌声）