4 tips to kickstart honest conversations at work | Betsy Kauffman

Transcriber: Leslie Gauthier Reviewer: Joanna Pietrulewicz

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Helen Chang

I have two teenage boys.

我家有兩個青少年。

One is 16 and one is 13.

分別為十六歲和十三歲。

And like most families with multiple children,

和大部分有多個孩子的家庭 一樣，他們兩人完全不同。

they are completely different.

Both are wonderful and have many great qualities about them,

兩人都很棒，有許多很好的特質。

however what really sets them apart

然而，他們有個很大的區別， 我的長子知道何時該保持緘默，

is that my older son knows when to bite his tongue

and my young son, not so much.

么子就不太知道了。

You see, my younger son really struggles with having a filter,

我的么子很難建立過濾器，

especially when it comes to speaking up

特別是要把腦中的想法 直接說出來的時候，

and saying exactly what's on his mind.

About three years ago,

大約三年前，鄰坊的一群孩子和成人

a bunch of kids and adults in the neighborhood had come together

聚在一起要解決一個很大的衝突。

to work through a big conflict.

基本上，孩子們是開戰的狀態了。

The kids were basically at war with each other.

There were lots of tears, screaming, shouting,

有很多眼淚、尖叫、吼叫，

and I felt like we would never get to a resolution.

我覺得我們永遠不可能解決此事的。

When we were in the height of everything,

一切如火如荼的時候，

my younger son, in the most calm, clear, matter-of-fact tone,

我的么子用最平靜、 清楚、切實的語調，

turned to another child and said,

轉向另一個孩子，說：

"You know you were lying. You know that's not what happened.

「你知道你在說謊。 你知道事情不是這樣的。

It's time to come clean and tell everyone the truth."

該是全盤托出， 告訴大家真相的時候了。」

The entire group stopped.

所有人都停下來了。

They could not argue with him; they could not dispute him.

他們無法和他爭論， 他們無法質疑他。

His manner of delivery was so real

他傳達的方式如此真實，如此誠懇。

and so honest.

And I remember feeling really proud of him in that moment,

我記得我當下為他感到驕傲，

because he had the courage and the confidence to speak up.

因為他有勇氣和信心把話說出來。

And that moment started getting me thinking.

那一刻讓我開始思考。

Why as a society have we created this fear to speak up,

為什麼我們這個社會會創造出 對於把話說出來的恐懼？

especially in a group of our peers or our coworkers?

特別是在同儕團體中或同事中？

Wouldn't it be amazing if you could tell your boss

如果你能告訴你的老闆，

that that project deadline she put out there

她設定的產品截止日 完全不合理，不是很棒嗎？

is completely unreasonable?

And what about being able to tell a coworker

或者告訴同事他們相當難搞呢？

that they're being really difficult?

Now I know some of you are lucky enough to be able to work in places

我知道有些人很幸運，

能在珍視這種開放 與誠實的地方工作。

that value that kind of openness and honesty,

however in my work as a leadership and organizational coach,

然而，身為領導力及組織教練，

I have to tell you that is not the norm.

我得告訴各位，那不是常態。

I've observed hundreds of scenarios

我觀察過數百個情境， 指導過許多人處理

and coached multiple people through situations

where they are afraid to speak up,

不敢把話說出來的情況。

they're afraid to have those honest conversations out in the open,

他們不敢在檯面上進行誠實的談話，

especially when they're needed the most.

特別是在最需要這麼做的時候。

And you probably know what I'm talking about:

你可能知道我在說什麼：

你在會議中，有人提出一個想法，

you're in meeting, somebody pitches an idea,

not everyone agrees,

並非大家都認同，

but no one says a word.

但沒有人出聲。

And then about two seconds later,

接著，大約兩秒鐘後，有人

somebody picks up their cell phone

拿起手機，開始發訊息

and begins sending a text message to somebody else in the same meeting,

給會議上的另一個人，

telling them how stupid the idea is.

說這個想法有多蠢。

And let's not forget the proverbial watercooler conversations.

咱們別忘了眾所周知的 辦公室茶水間閒聊。

As soon as the meeting over,

會議一結束之後，

they rush over to a peer or a group of coworkers

他們會趕著去找同儕或一群同事，

probably near a watercooler

可能就在茶水間，

and offer all kinds of opinions about that meeting.

針對剛才的會議發表各種意見。

But the problem is that it's after the meeting

但，問題在於，這事是發生在 會議之後而非會議中。

instead of during it.

So I'm on a mission.

所以，我有個使命。

I want to stop the passive-aggressive texting

我想要停止這種被動的侵略性訊息，

and start bringing the watercooler conversations front and center.

開始把茶水間閒聊搬上檯面。

I believe when we can start to have these types of conversations,

我相信，當我們能開始 進行這種談話時，

it will change the dynamics of how we all work together.

就能改變我們工作合作的動態。

We'll become more productive,

我們會更有生產力，

less fearful and even happier at work.

比較不害怕，甚至工作得更快樂。

Now, I often get asked:

常有人問我：

how do you muster up the courage to have those kinds of conversations,

你要如何鼓起勇氣去進行這種談話？

especially if you're not in a leadership position,

特別是當你的位置並非領導職，

or you work in a place that does not value that kind of openness and honesty?

或者你的工作場所並不珍視 那種開放和誠實？

And for me, it comes down to a combination of four things:

對我來說，答案是四個元素的結合：

confidence, intent,

信心、意圖、

delivery

傳遞方式，以及總是要 努力尋求解決方案。

and always striving to seek a solution.

So let me break those down for you.

讓我來做細節的分析。

The first one is confidence.

第一，信心。

我知道——說的比做的容易。

And I know -- easier said than done.

However, I have a little trick that I hope will help you.

然而，我有個小秘訣， 希望能幫到你。

The next time you're in a meeting and you want to speak up

下次在會議中，若你有話想說， 但覺得有點緊張或焦慮，

but you're feeling a little nervous or anxious,

我會建議你使用 「明顯隊長的策略」。

I would recommend you use what I call "the Captain Obvious strategy."

It goes something like this:

它是這樣子的：

"Call me Captain Obvious,

「叫我明顯隊長，

but isn't that solution not really going to address our problem?"

但那解決方案不是無法 處理我們的問題嗎？」

By saying "Captain Obvious" out loud,

大聲說出「明顯隊長」， 能為當下增添一點幽默，

it basically adds a little humor to the moment,

but it also does a check of the room

但同時也是在確認會議室中 有沒有別人聽到、

to see if anybody else is hearing, seeing or feeling the same things.

看到，或感到我所說的意思。

And by having that confidence to speak up,

有那樣的信心把話說出來，

you then open the door to allow others to have that same confidence.

就會開啟一扇門， 讓大家都有同樣的信心。

你不見得一定都要 大聲說出明顯隊長。

Now you don't always have to say Captain Obvious out loud.

You can say it quietly in your head right before you speak up,

你可以在發言之前在心中默唸，

kind of like you're mentally pumping yourself up before a big game.

就像你在參加重要比賽之前 先給自己心理打打氣。

Regardless of how you use this strategy,

不論你怎麼用這個策略，

confidence is the first step in all of this.

信心都是這一切的第一步。

So let's move on to intent.

接著來談意圖。

Intent is about having a purpose and a reason to speak up.

意圖，就是發言要有目的和理由。

Intent is about knowing and understanding that by me speaking up,

意圖的重點是知道 和了解，我之所以發言，

I either want to work through a problem or address a situation.

是要解決某個問題 或是處理某個情況。

For example, when someone is being really difficult in a meeting

比如，當會議上有人很難搞，

and I call them out on it,

而我點出這一點時，

my intent is not to embarrass them.

我的意圖不是要讓他們尷尬。

My intent is to make them aware

我的意圖是要讓他們 意識到他們的行為

that their behavior is putting a strain on the group.

讓整個團隊很緊張。

For my son, his intent was that the truth be heard.

我兒子的意圖是希望真相能被聽見。

He wasn't just calling the other child a liar out of spite.

他不是為了洩憤 而說那個孩子是騙子。

Well ...

嗯……

at least I don't think he was.

至少我不認為。

他當時才十歲，我也可能弄錯了。

He was only 10 at the time, so I could be wrong.

However, his underlying intent was that the truth be heard

然而，他背後的意圖

是希望真相被聽見， 讓我們能把事情解決。

so that we'd get to a resolution.

I feel when you go in with a positive intent,

我覺得，如果帶著正面的意圖去談，

it's much more likely that your message will be received with an open mind.

你的訊息就比較有機會 被對方開放地接受。

Alright, let's move onto the third step, which is delivery.

接著來談第三步，傳遞。

Delivery is about how you frame the actual message.

傳遞的重點就是 你怎麼包裝實際的訊息。

Delivery needs to be factual,

傳遞必須要根據事實，

real -- and when I say real,

要真實——當我說真實， 指的是不要美化你想說的話——

I mean no sugarcoating what you're trying to say --

and it must always take the receiver's feelings into account.

且一定要把接收者的感受納入考量。

讓我舉個例子。

Let me give an example.

Let's say you're working on a team

假設你在一個團隊裡工作， 且你知道有個人就是不盡本份。

and you know there's an individual who just isn't pulling their weight.

Everyone knows it because you talk about this individual almost every day

大家都知道這件事，因為 你幾乎天天在講這個人，

at the watercooler,

在茶水間講，

but nobody wants to bring it up in the larger group setting.

但沒有人想要把此事帶到 更大的團體環境中討論。

Then after several weeks of grumbling and some serious loss in productivity,

經過了幾個星期的牢騷 和一些重大的生產力損失之後，

you finally decide we need to have a conversation as a larger group.

你終於決定，團隊 應該要來談談此事。

So let me show you how the delivery should look.

讓我來示範傳遞要怎麼做。

"Hey team, we have not met any of our commitments

「嘿，團隊，在過去幾週， 我們都沒有做到任何的承諾。」

over the past several weeks."

Simple, direct, no sugarcoating situation.

簡單、直接、

沒有美化的情況。

And then you would continue:

接著，你要繼續說：

"Hey team member, we've looked at the data

「嘿，團隊成員，我們看了資料，

and we've realized that you have not been able to meet your commitments

我們發現你在過去三次衝業績時 都沒有達到你的承諾。」

over the past three sprints."

Factual. We have the data to show these are our concerns

事實根據。

我們有資料可以說明我們的憂慮，

and why we're having this conversation.

以及為什麼要有這次談話。

And now this is where we really want

在這裡，我們就真的 得要考量接收者的感受。

to take the receiver's feelings into account.

"We're concerned that you do not have everything that you need

「我們擔心，你可能沒有 你需要的一切資源，

and that we need to do something better to support you."

我們得做些改進，來支援你。」

同理、關心，

Empathetic, caring,

and in my experience, it almost always works.

依我的經驗，幾乎每次都行得通。

When we're able to have these types of conversations out in the open,

當我們能把這種談話搬到檯面上時，

it creates the environment where the team feels more confident to speak up.

就能創造出一種環境， 讓團隊更有信心把話說出來。

And in my past experience, some of these teams have become

根據我過去的經驗，

有些團隊後來變成了 公司中績效最佳的團隊，

some of the highest-performing teams in the company,

just by being able to have those types of conversations.

就只是因為他們做了這種談話。

Imagine that.

想像看看。

Now let's move on to the last piece of this,

再來看最後一部分： 在進入談話時一定要

which is always entering a conversation

with a mindset of wanting to seek a solution.

帶著想要尋找解決方案的心態。

And for me, that's the piece that I see that is missing the most.

就我來看，這個元素 是最常被漏掉的元素。

How many of you have been in a meeting and you work through a problem,

你是否曾經參與一個會議， 大家都在談問題，

but you realize you've spent the entire meeting hashing through the problem,

但你卻發現會議所有的時間 都用在討論這個問題，

and then you get to end of it

然後會議到了尾聲，

還得再安排另一場會議 來談解決方案？

and you need to schedule another meeting just to work through solutions?

Yep, probably happens more than we'd like to admit.

是的，發生的頻率可能 比我們願意承認的還高。

Let's say you're on a project,

假設你在進行一個專案，

and you know it's a problem,

你知道它有問題， 你的進度緩慢且看不到盡頭。

you've been slogging through it with no end in sight.

So you call somebody into the room that's a little bit closer to the work,

所以你找了相關的人到會議室裡，

hoping that you can understand what the problems really are

希望能協助你了解問題所在，

並找出解決方案。

and work through a solution.

But they come into the room and this is what they say:

但，他們到了會議室之後， 他們卻是這麼說的：

"This project is a disaster.

「這個專案是場災難。 我們沒有必要的人力、技能、

We do not have the people, the skills,

the resources or the technology to get this done,

資源，或技術

來完成它，且我們還得 再花一百萬美金，

and we're going to need to spend a million more dollars

才能把它結束掉。」

before we see it to the end."

And then they leave the room.

接著他們離開了。

So just as an FYI,

順便給大家參考，

that's what I call a "mic-drop moment,"

我把這種情況稱為 「丟下麥克風的時刻」，

and those moments are not productive.

這種時刻不太有生產力。

Now, I know that was an extreme example,

我知道這個例子很極端，

however mic-drop moments like that happen every day at work.

但，工作上，每天都會發生 這種丟下麥克風的時刻。

That's why it's so important that we come into a conversation

那就是為什麼當我們 進入談話時，很重要的是

with a mindset of wanting to seek a solution.

要帶著想要尋求解決的心態。

Even better,

更好的是，

if you actually bring possible solutions to the conversation,

如果你能把可能的 解決方案帶到談話中，

that then creates the space to start to work through options.

就能創造一個空間， 讓大家開始討論選項。

So if I could rewind that mic-drop moment,

如果可以回到剛才丟下 麥克風的時刻，我會想建議

I would hope and recommend

the conversation go a little bit more like this:

比較像是這樣子的談話：

"We've come to realize we don't have the people, skills, resources

「我們漸漸了解， 我們內部並沒有必要的

人力、技能、資源，或技術。

or technology in-house.

That's why we're struggling so much on this project.

這就是為什麼這個專案 會做得如此辛苦。

I think if we were to use this external vendor,

我想，如果我們能利用 這個外部的包商，

who we know has this experience and has done this type of work before,

我們知道他們有經驗， 且以前做過這類工作，

we're going to be able to complete it and meet our goals."

那我們就能完成專案，達成目標。」

There. Possible solutions create possible options.

就這樣。可能的解決方案

會創造出可能的選項。

Now I know some of you may be saying this is a great concept in theory

我知道有些人會說， 這個觀念在理論上很棒，

但在我工作的地方 不會發生或不會被接受。

but will never happen or be accepted where I work.

I would challenge you to change your thinking,

我要挑戰你改變你的想法。

because there is power in speaking up.

因為把話說出來是有力量的。

Nine times out of 10, if I'm thinking it,

如果我這麼想，十次有九次，

I bet at least one other person in the room is having that same thought.

會議室中都有另一個人 腦中有同樣的想法。

And the beauty is that once it's said,

美好之處在於，一旦話說出來了，

that's when the real conversations start to happen.

真正的談話才會開始發生。

Look at my son.

看看我兒子。

我相信他之所以能夠 改變整個團體動態，

I believe he was able to change and entire group dynamic

just because he had the courage and the confidence to speak up.

是單純因為他有勇氣 和信心把話說出來。

The best organizations are full of people at all levels

最好的組織，在各種層級裡面都有人

that have that same courage to tackle the tough topics.

有那樣的勇氣來處理難搞的議題。

And by being open and honest,

若能開放、誠實，

not only are we helping ourselves

我們不僅是在幫助自己，

but also our organizations to have these conversations.

也是在協助我們的組織 進行這種談話。

And those are the ones that are needed the most.

這種談話才是最需要進行的談話。

Call me Captain Obvious,

叫我明顯隊長，

but isn't that the kind of place that you want work in?

但你不就想要在那樣的地方工作嗎？

Thank you.

謝謝。