How to Lead With Radical Candor | Kim Scott | TED

翻译人员: joye feng 校对人员: Yanyan Hong

How can you all say what you mean

大家如何才能

不刻薄地如实表达自己的意思呢？

without being mean?

I started thinking about this back in 1999.

我早在 1999 年 就开始思考这个问题。

I had started a software company,

我当时创办了一家软件公司，

and I came into the office one day,

有一天我来到办公室，

and about half the people in the company

公司里大约有一半的人给我

had sent me the same article

分享了篇同样的文章，

about how everyone would rather have a boss

关于每个人都宁愿

who is really mean

有一位极其刻薄

but competent,

但有能力、

a total jerk, but competent,

完全混蛋且称职的老板，

than one who is really nice but incompetent.

也不愿有一个非常友善， 但不称职的老板。

And I thought, "Gosh,

然后我想，“天哪，

are they sending me this because they think I'm a jerk

他们发这个给我 是因为他们认为我是个混蛋，

or because they think I'm incompetent?"

还是因为他们认为我无能？”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And surely, those are not my only two choices.

当然，这并非我唯一的两个选择。

Now, I went to business school

如今，我去了商学院，

and there, I learned exactly nothing about management.

在那里，我学不到关于管理学的任何东西。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

But I did learn one really important thing.

但我确实学到了一件 非常重要的东西。

All of life's hardest problems can be solved

生活中所有最困难的问题都可以

with a good two-by-two framework.

通过良好的“二乘二”框架来解决。

So that is how I started thinking about this problem.

所以我就是那样开始思考这个问题的。

I was unwilling to let go of my desire to show that I cared personally.

我不愿放下我打心底在乎每位个体的欲望。

That is what, for me, gave work meaning.

对我来说，这就是工作的意义。

But I also had to learn how to challenge directly,

但我还必须学会如何直接挑战，

and I had to learn how to do both at the same time.

以及如何同时挑战两者。

And over time,

随着时间的推移，

I came to think about caring and challenging at the same time

我开始思考在直言不讳时，

as radical candor.

能否兼顾关切与挑战。

Now, the easiest way to understand what radical candor is,

现在，理解什么是直言不讳的最简单方法是

is to think about what happens

思考当我们在一个或另一个维度上

when we mess up on one dimension or another,

搞砸时会发生什么，

as we are all bound to do from time to time.

就像我们时不时会做的那样。

Sometimes we remember to challenge directly,

有时我们记得直接挑战问题，

but we forget to show that we care personally.

但我们忘记表达出我们 个人的关心。

And this I call obnoxious aggression.”

我称之为令人讨厌的侵略。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Anybody ever seen any obnoxious aggression?

有人见过任何令人讨厌的指责吗？

And this is a problem.

这是个问题。

Obnoxious aggression is a problem because it hurts people.

令人讨厌的指责是一个问题， 因为它让人受伤，

Primarily, it's a problem because it hurts people.

首先，这是一个问题， 因为它伤害了人们。

But it's also a problem because it's inefficient.

但这也是一个问题，因为它往往无效。

If I act like a total jerk to you,

如果我对你表现得像个混蛋，

then you're likely to go into fight-or-flight mode in your brain,

那么你很可能会在大脑中进入 战斗或逃跑模式，

and then you literally cannot hear what I'm saying.

然后你就听不见我在说什么，

So I'm just wasting my breath.

我只是在浪费呼吸。

And then there's a third,

还有第三个

more subtle problem with obnoxious aggression.

关于令人讨厌的侵略似指责 更微妙的问题。

I don't know about you, but for me,

我不知道对你是不是这样， 但是对我来说，

when I realize I've acted like a jerk,

当我意识到自己表现得像个混蛋时，

it is not my instinct to go the right way on "care personally."

我的直觉告诉我， 别去走“个人关心”的正确道路。

Instead, it's my instinct to go the wrong way on "challenge directly."

好像走“直接挑战”的错误道路 才是我的本能。

"Oh, it's no big deal. It doesn't really matter."

“哦，没什么大不了的。 这并不重要。”

And then I wind up in the worst place of all -- “manipulative insincerity.”

然后我陷入了最糟糕的境地—— “操纵他人的虚伪”。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

If obnoxious aggression is front-stabbing,

如果说令人讨厌的 侵略似指出问题是正面刺击，

manipulative insincerity is back-stabbing.

那么不真诚的操纵就是背刺。

It's passive aggressive behavior.

这是被动的攻击行为，

This is where all the most toxic kinds of workplace behavior or frankly,

所有最有毒的工作场所行为，或者坦率地说，

behavior at home in any relationship that you have in any part of your life,

家里的行为、生活中任何人际关系中的行为，

creep in.

都会渗透到这里。

And it is fun to tell stories about obnoxious aggression

讲述令人讨厌的侵略性指责

and manipulative insincerity,

和不真诚的操纵的故事很有趣，

because this is where the drama is.

因为这里才是戏剧性的地方。

However, the vast majority of us

但是，在最后一个象限中， 我们中的绝大多数人都会

make the vast majority of our mistakes in this last quadrant

犯下绝大多数错误，在这个象限中，

where we do remember to show that we care personally.

我们确实记得表明我们关心个人。

Because you know what?

因为你知道吗？

Most people are actually pretty nice people.

实际上，大多数人都是 非常好的人。

So we do remember to show that we care personally,

因此，我们确实记得 表明我们关心个人，

but we're so worried about not hurting someone's feelings

但是我们非常 担心不要伤害别人的感情

or not offending someone

或不冒犯某人，

that we fail to tell them something

以至于我们没有告诉

they'd be better off knowing in the long run.

他们一些从长远来看他们最好知道的事情。

And this is what I call “ruinous empathy.”

这就是我所说的 “毁灭性的同理心”。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Empathy is a good thing, ruinous empathy is not.

同理心是一件好事， 毁灭性的同理心不是。

In order to explain to you what I mean by this,

为了向你解释我的意思，

I want to tell you a story about possibly the most painful moment of my career.

我想给你讲一个故事， 讲述可能是我职业生涯中最痛苦的时刻。

I had just hired this person, Alex.

我刚刚雇佣了这个人，Alex。

We'll call this person Alex.

我们称这个人为 Alex 。

And I liked Alex a lot.

而且我非常喜欢 Alex 。

Alex was smart,

Alex 很聪明，

Alex was charming, Alex was funny.

Alex 很迷人，Alex 很有趣。

Alex would do stuff like,

Alex 会做一些事情，比如，

we’re at a manager offsite playing one of those endless get-to-know-you games.

我们在经理不在的地方 玩一款无休止的“认识你”游戏。

And Alex was the person who had the courage to raise their hand

Alex 是那个有勇气举手

and to say, "I can tell that everyone is really stressed out.

并说：“我可以看出每个人的压力真的很大。

I've got an idea.

我有个主意。

It’ll help us get to know each other better,

这将帮助我们更好地了解彼此，

and it'll be really fast."

而且会非常快。”

Whatever Alex's idea was, if it was fast, we were down with it.

不管 Alex 的想法是什么， 如果速度快，我们都同意了。

Alex says, "Let's just go around the table

Alex 说：“让我们围坐在桌子旁

and confess what candy our parents used when potty-training us."

坦白一下父母教我们如厕时， 用了什么糖果。”

Really weird, but really fast.

真的很奇怪，但非常快。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Weirder yet, we all remembered -- Hershey Kisses right here.

更奇怪的是，我们都记得—— 好时之吻（Kisses）巧克力。

And then for the next ten months,

然后在接下来的十个月里，

every time there was a tense moment in a meeting,

每当会议出现紧张时刻时，

Alex would whip out just the right piece of candy

Alex 都会在正确的时刻

for the right person at the right moment.

为合适的人准备恰到好处的糖果。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

So Alex brought a little levity to the office.

Alex 给办公室 带来了一点活泼的气氛。

Everybody loved working with Alex.

每个人都喜欢和 Alex 一起工作。

One problem with Alex.

Alex 有一个问题。

Alex was doing terrible work.

Alex 的工作做得很糟糕。

Absolutely terrible.

太糟糕了。

Sort of creative and unusual, but tons of sloppy mistakes.

有点创意，不寻常， 但是有很多草率的错误。

I was so puzzled.

我很困惑。

I couldn't understand what was going on,

我无法理解发生了什么，

because Alex had this incredible resume, this great history of accomplishments.

因为 Alex 有这份不可思议的简历， 这段伟大的成就历史。

I learned much later that Alex was smoking pot

很久以后，我才知道 Alex 每天

in the bathroom three times a day,

在浴室里抽三次烟，

which maybe explained all that candy that he had.

这也许可以解释他吃的所有糖果。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

But I didn't know any of that at the time.

但我当时对此一无所知。

All I knew is that Alex would hand stuff in to me

我只知道 Alex 会羞愧地把东西

with shame in his eyes.

交给我。

He knew his work wasn't nearly good enough,

他知道自己的工作做的还不够好，

and I would say something to him along the lines of,

我会对他说些类似于这样的话：

"Oh, Alex, you're so smart,

“哦，Alex，你太聪明了，

you're so awesome, everybody loves working with you.

你太棒了， 每个人都喜欢和你一起工作。

This is a great start.

这是一个良好的开端。

Maybe you can make it just a little bit better."

也许你可以把它做得更好一点。”

Which, of course, he never did.

当然，他从来没有做到过。

OK, so let's pause for a moment.

好吧，让我们暂停片刻。

What was going on there?

那里发生了什么？

Part of it was truly ruinous empathy.

其中一部分确实是毁灭性的同理心。

I really did like Alex,

我真的很喜欢 Alex，

and I really did not want to hurt his feelings.

我真的不想伤害他的感情。

But if I'm honest with myself,

但是说实话，

there was something more insidious going on as well,

还有更阴险的事情发生了，

because Alex was popular and Alex was sensitive,

因为 Alex 很受欢迎，Alex 很敏感，

and there was part of me that was afraid

有部分的我担心，

that if I told Alex in no uncertain terms that his work wasn't nearly good enough,

如果我毫不含糊地 告诉 Alex 他的工作还不够好，

he would get upset, he might even start to cry.

他会心烦意乱，甚至会开始哭泣。

And then everyone would think I was a big you-know-what.

然后所有人都会认为 我是个大人物。

And so the part of me that was worried about my reputation as a leader,

我当中担心自己作为领导者的声誉的那部分，

that was the manipulative insincerity part.

是不真诚操纵的部分。

The part of me that was worried about Alex's feelings,

我当中担心 Alex 感情的那一部分，

that was the ruinous empathy part.

是毁灭性的同理心部分。

So this kind of toxic mixture goes on for about ten months,

因此，这种有毒混合物 会持续大约十个月，

and eventually the inevitable happens.

最终不可避免的事情就会发生。

And I realize that if I don't fire Alex,

而且我意识到，如果我不解雇 Alex，

I'm going to lose all my best performers,

我将失去所有表现最好的雇员，

because not only have I been unfair to Alex

不仅是因为我没有告诉 Alex

not to tell him so that he could fix things,

他工作中存在的问题是不公平的， 这导致他没能去解决，

I've been unfair to the whole team.

而且对整个团队也是不公平的。

Their deliverables were late because his deliverables were late.

他们的交付物迟交 是因为他的交付物迟到了。

They couldn’t spend as much time on their work as they needed to

他们无法在工作上花那么多时间，

because they were constantly having to redo his work.

因为他们经常不得不重做他的工作。

And the people who were the best performers on my team,

而那些在我的团队中 表现最好的人，

they were just going to quit.

他们正要退出。

They wanted to be able to work at a place where they could do their best work.

他们希望能够在 一个可以尽其所能的地方工作。

And so I sat down to have a conversation with Alex

于是我坐下来，开始和 Alex

that I should have started, frankly, 10 months previously.

进行本应在10个月前进行的谈话，

And when I finished explaining to him where things stood,

当我向他解释完情况时，

he kind of pushed his chair back from the table,

他推了推椅子，离开桌子，

he looked me right in the eye and he said, "Why didn't you tell me?"

直视我的眼睛说： “你为什么不告诉我？”

And as that question was going around in my head with no good answer,

当我脑海中浮现出这个问题， 并且不知道怎么回答时，

he looked at me again and he said, "Why didn't anyone tell me?

他又看了我一眼，说： “为什么没人告诉我？

I thought you all cared about me."

我还以为你们都在乎我。”

And now I realized that by not telling Alex,

现在我意识到不告诉 Alex，

thinking I was being so nice sparing his feelings,

觉得自己人太好了， 没有伤害他的感情，

he's now getting fired as a result of it.

而他现在因此被解雇了。

Not so nice after all.

并不是那么好的事情。

It was a terrible moment in my career,

那是我职业生涯中的一个糟糕时刻，

but it was too late to save Alex.

但现在拯救 Alex 为时已晚。

Even Alex at this point agreed he should go

即使 Alex 此时也同意他应该离开，

because his reputation on the team was just shot.

因为他在团队中的声誉 刚刚受到损害。

All I could do in that moment was make myself a very solemn promise

那一刻我所能做的 就是向自己做出一个非常庄严的承诺，

that I would never make that mistake again,

那就是我永远不会再犯那个错误，

and that I would do everything in my power

我会尽我所能

to help other people avoid making that mistake.

帮助其他人避免犯这个错误。

And that is why I'm here, talking to you all today.

这就是为什么我今天在这里， 与大家交谈。

Now I want to talk to you not only about how this works,

现在，我要和你们不但要谈谈这是如何运作的，

how ruinous empathy works in one-on-one relationships.

谈谈毁灭性的同理心在一对一的关系中 是如何运作的。

It also works on team culture, or doesn’t work.

它也适用于团队文化， 或者不起作用。

Often, I’ll work with a team, and they start out radically candid.

通常，我会和一个团队合作， 并且他们一开始就非常坦率。

Small group of people, they know each other really well.

一小群人，他们彼此非常了解。

It’s kind of easy for them to show they care and challenge.

他们很容易表现出 自己的关心和挑战。

nd then because of that, they find some success and they grow,

然后正因为如此， 他们找到了一些成功并成长，

and then they succumb to the gravitational pull of ruinous empathy,

然后他们屈服于毁灭性同理心的引力，

and then things start going wrong.

然后事情开始出错。

But nobody wants to be mean,

但是没有人想变得刻薄，

nobody wants to talk to anybody else, everybody's getting really agitated.

没有人想和别人说话， 每个人都变得非常激动。

And then finally somebody bursts out and says the thing.

然后终于有人 突然说出了这句话。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Anybody ever see that happen?

有人见过这种情况吗？

Maybe not in the best way, but it works.

也许不是最好的方式，但它有效。

And because it works, they do it again, but maybe they do it a little more.

而且因为它有效，所以他们会再做一次， 但也许他们会多做一点。

And because everybody else is so determined to be nice,

而且，因为其他 所有人都下定决心要友善，所以

they say things like, "Oh, she didn't mean any harm,"

他们会说类似这样的话： “哦，她没有故意伤害”，

or, "Oh, he's a good guy."

或者，“哦，他是个好人”。

And then, the next thing you know, this person is promoted now.

然后，接下来你知道的是， 这个人现在得到了晋升。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Anybody ever see this happen?

有人见过这种情况吗？

There comes a moment on every team's history

在每个团队的历史上，

when the jerks begin to win,

都会有混蛋开始获胜的时刻，

and that is when the culture begins to lose.

那便是文化开始消失的时候。

Because what happens next?

因为接下来会发生什么？

Everybody moves down to manipulative insincerity.

每个人都往不真诚的操纵走。

They're talking badly about this person behind this person's back,

他们在这个人 背后对这个人说坏话，

but they are not talking to the person.

但他们不是在和这个人说话。

It does not have to be this way, folks.

伙计们，我们为何非得这样。

If you notice this happening,

如果你注意到这种情况的发生，

your team sort of drifting over to ruinous empathy,

你的团队就会陷入毁灭性的同理心，

it's possible to move over to radical candor.

那么就有可能转向直言不讳。

That's not going to solve all problems.

这并不能解决所有问题。

People will still make a mistake,

人们仍然会犯错误，

but you can tell them about that mistake in a way

但是你可以选择合适的方式 指出他们的错误

that allows them to make things better.

以保证事情往好的方向发展。

Now, it's not only the culture on teams where this happens.

现在，发生这种情况的不仅仅是团队的文化，

Sometimes it happens in a whole society.

有时它发生在整个社会中。

Sometimes it turns out that a whole society is polarized.

有时候，事实证明 整个社会都是两极分化的。

Did anybody ever know such such a society?

有人见过这样的社会吗？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

We’re polarized, and we’re not talking to each other.

我们两极分化，我们没有互相交谈。

We're talking about each other,

我们在互相谈论，

and we're sticking with the people who agree with us.

我们坚持支持 那些同意我们观点的人。

And I am no better than the rest of us on this.

在这方面我并不比我们其他人好。

I recently was invited to give a talk at a company

最近，我受邀在一家公司演讲，

whose policies I disagreed with pretty vehemently,

我非常不同意这家公司的政策，

and I was tempted not to go.

我很想不去。

And then I thought, that does not seem like it's in the spirit of radical candor.

然后我想，这似乎 不符合直言不讳的精神。

In fact, I believe very deeply

事实上，我深信，

that unchallenged beliefs become prejudices.

不受质疑的信念会变成偏见。

So I needed to go to this place and talk to these people,

所以我需要去这个地方 和这些人谈谈，

not because I was going in prepared to change my mind,

不是因为我准备改变主意，

if I'm honest, I was not.

说实话，我没有。

But I also wasn't going in trying to change their mind.

但我也没打算改变他们的主意。

I was going in thinking if I understand their point of view,

我当时在想， 如果我理解他们的观点，

it will help me deepen my thinking

这将有助于我加深思考，

and maybe I can find some common ground with these people.

也许我能与这些人找到一些共同点。

You're going to hear more about common ground.

你会听到更多 关于共同点的信息。

Maybe I can learn to like these people.

也许我能学会喜欢这些人。

And as I gave the talk, I got to the Q-and-A and it was going really well.

当我发表演讲时，我进入到了 问答环节，进展非常顺利。

We were having a great conversation,

我们聊得很开心，

and there was this voice inside my head,

脑海里有这样的声音，

like screaming at me, saying,

就像对我尖叫一样，说：

"Kim, these people are not your enemies.

“Kim，这些人不是你的敌人，

These are your fellow Americans."

这些是你的美国同胞。”

And it really made me take a deep breath.

这真的让我深吸一口气。

I was like, why would I not have come to speak with these people?

我当时想，我为什么从来 不和这些人说话？

After the conference was over,

会议结束后，

somebody came up to me and said,

有人来找我说：

"Kim, do you believe this, do you believe that?"

“Kim，你相信吗，你相信吗？”

I said, yes, I did.

我说，是的，我做到了。

And they kind of cocked their head and they said, "Huh.

然后他们有点抬起头说： “哈哈，

You don't seem like an evil person."

你看起来不像个邪恶的人。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And I would have thought that person was ridiculous,

我本以为那个人太荒谬了，

except that I had just had pretty much the same thought myself

唯一的不同是我自己

five minutes previously.

五分钟前也有过差不多的想法。

So how does this work?

那么这是如何运作的呢？

Some of the best relationships of my career

我职业生涯中一些最好的关系

have happened with people who I disagree with.

发生在我不同意的人身上。

And because I care about these people,

因为我关心这些人，

it's easier for me to challenge them.

所以我更容易挑战他们。

And because I challenge them, it's easier to care.

因为我挑战他们，所以更容易关心。

It's a virtuous cycle, radical candor.

这是一个良性循环，直言不讳。

And the reason why it works is that we, both of us,

它之所以奏效，是因为我们俩都

believe that the floor on the "care personally" dimension

认为，直言不讳的“个人关怀”层面的

of radical candor is respect.

最低限度是尊重。

Respect is something we owe to everyone.

尊重是我们欠每个人的。

When we can show respect and common human decency,

当我们能够表现出尊重 和共同的人类体面时，

we actually wind up loving the people who we work with,

我们最终会爱上与之共事的人，

not in the HR-disaster sense of the word that we read so much about today,

不是我们今天经常读到的人力资源 灾难意义上那种，

but in the true sense of collegiality.

而是真正的共事精神。

So to understand how to do this,

为了了解如何做到这一点，

I want to explain to you the radical candor order of operations

我想向你解释一下 可以追溯到 Alex 这个故事中的

going back to this Alex story.

直言不讳的行动秩序。

I failed pretty much on all dimensions with Alex.

我和 Alex 在所有方面都失败了。

I failed to solicit feedback.

我未能征求反馈。

Radical candor, no matter who you are,

无论你是谁，直言不讳都

should always start with soliciting feedback.

应始终从征求反馈开始。

Don't dish it out before you prove you can take it.

在你证明自己能承受之前， 不要把它说出来。

But I didn't do that with Alex, so let's give me a report card.

但是我没有对 Alex 那样做， 所以让我们给我一张成绩单。

I failed to solicit praise,

我没有征求赞扬，

and I failed to ask Alex what I could do or stop doing

也没有问 Alex 我能做些什么， 或者停止这样做，

that might make it easier for him to work with me.

这可能会让他更容易与我合作。

Maybe, just maybe,

也许，也许，

I was doing something that was frustrating Alex so much,

我正在做一些 让 Alex 非常沮丧的事情，

he was forced to toke up in the bathroom three times a day.

他被迫每天去洗手间三次。

I don't know because I never asked him, right?

我不知道，因为我从来没有 问过他，对吧？

So solicit feedback.

所以，请征求反馈。

You also need to give praise.

你还需要表扬。

The kind of praise I gave to Alex was really just a head fake.

我对 Alex 的 那种赞美实际上只是假的。

And you need to tell people when their work isn't nearly good enough.

而且你需要告诉人们他们的工作 是不是还不够好。

But because I failed to do that,

但是因为我没能做到，

I couldn't possibly gauge how my feedback was landing.

所以我无法衡量我的反馈是 如何得到的。

So I'm going to give myself an incomplete there.

我要给自己一个不完整的东西。

So what do I mean by gauge the feedback?

那么，我所说的衡量反馈是什么意思呢？

This is where you can use this framework.

这是你可以使用这个框架的地方。

Remember, radical candor gets measured not in the speaker’s mouth

请记住，直言不讳 不是用说话者的嘴来衡量的，

but at the listener's ear.

而是用听众的耳朵来衡量的。

But how do you know what's going on inside someone else's ear?

但是你怎么知道别人耳朵里 正在发生什么？

You can use this framework: if the other person seems sad,

你可以使用这个框架： 如果对方看起来很伤心，

that is your cue to move up on the "care personally" dimension.

那就是你在“个人关心” 方面前进的线索。

If the other person seems mad,

如果对方看起来很生气，

that is also your cue to move up on the “care personally” dimension.

那也是你在“个人关心” 维度上向上移动的线索。

But it’s pretty hard to care personally about someone who’s yelling at you.

但是，个人很难关心 对你大喊大叫的人。

So what can you do?

那你能做什么？

In these moments, you're probably mad back.

在这些时刻，你可能会生气。

When you're furious, get curious.

当你生气时，要好奇起来。

Or get curious, not furious,

或者如果你的打击率高于平均水平，

if you're batting above average.

要好奇而不是愤怒。

Try to move up, "Why is this person so mad?"

努力向上移动， “为什么这个人这么生气？”

Last but not least, there are times when you'll say the thing.

最后但同样重要的一点是， 有时候你会说出来。

You'll work up your courage to say the thing,

你会鼓起勇气说出这句话，

and then the person will just brush you off.

然后对方就会把你拒之门外。

This is your cue to move out further than you're comfortable going

这就是你远离是非的信号了，

on the "challenge directly" dimension.

而不是一股脑地走向“直接挑战”的*维度。

So if you can all go forth and be radically candid,

因此，如果你们都能坦率地向前迈进，

you will have better relationships, one-on-one relationships.

那么你们的一对一的人际关系就会更好。

You can help build a better culture at work

你可以帮助在工作中建立更好的文化，

and you can help build confluence in society.

也可以帮助在社会中建立融合。

Thank you all so much.

非常感谢大家。

(Applause and cheers)

（掌声和欢呼）