How a Sanctuary for Self-Expression Can Change Lives | Lindsay Morris and Reed J. Williams | TED

翻译人员: Fangxi Qin 校对人员: Lening Xu

Reed J. Williams: I spent my early years stealing my baby sister's clothes,

瑞德·J·威廉姆斯（RJW）： 我小时候一直在偷穿我妹妹的衣服，

teaching myself to braid hair on confused babysitters

学习怎么给我的困惑的保姆编辫子，

and absolutely terrifying my mom and dad.

这些行为吓坏了我的爸爸妈妈。

Any dish towel or scarf

任何一条洗碗巾或者围巾，

within the limited reach of my three-year-old grasp

只要在我这个三岁小孩的视线范围内，

was quickly transformed into a makeshift wig of long hair

就会马上变成一顶粗糙的假发，

to be skillfully tossed over shoulder with dramatic flair.

可以用浮夸的方式甩在肩膀上。

My parents considered taking me to see a psychologist,

我的爸妈曾考虑带我去看心理医生，

but finding a doctor in rural South Carolina

但是事实证明，在南开罗来纳的乡下，

willing to even discuss gender with a three-year-old boy

想找一位能和三岁男孩讨论性别的心理医生，

proved challenging.

是非常困难的。

My parents had to actively avoid those who claimed to be able to fix me,

我的父母必须努力避开 那些声称能够治好我的人。

as we had received numerous offers

因为我们收到了许多来自 当地教会领袖和学校老师的提议。

from local church leaders and school teachers.

For the most part, my parents were completely on their own

在大多数情况下， 我的父母只能靠他们自己，

when it came to navigating my gender non-conforming childhood.

来引导我非常规性别的童年。

Lindsay Morris: I'm the mother of two sons who we raised on Long Island.

林赛·莫里斯（LM）： 我有两个儿子，在长岛长大。

When our oldest son was three years old,

当我们的大儿子三岁时，

he found his way into the depths of my closet

他想办法钻进了我的衣橱里，

and re-emerged triumphantly in a pair of dust-covered heels.

穿着一双沾满灰尘的高跟鞋凯旋而出。

His father and I continued to watch this daily ritual

他爸爸和我每天都继续观看这种仪式，

where Milo would layer on

米洛会找到我衣橱里，

and tear off the brightest garments that he could find in my wardrobe.

最闪亮的衣服穿上再脱下。

While his younger brother strived to land objects in baskets,

而他的弟弟正努力把东西放在篮子里。

Milo, when taken to his first soccer clinic, asked innocently,

米洛在第一次被带去足球训练营时， 天真地问道：

"Why would anyone want to chase a ball around a field?"

“为什么有人想在空地里追着球跑？”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

It was a simple but profound question,

这是一个简单但严肃的问题，

it definitely challenged gender stereotypes that were familiar to me.

它无疑挑战了我所熟悉的传统性别印象。

And it was hard to disagree with him.

而且我很难不同意他的看法。

But still, I kept his hair buzzed short

但是，我还是把他的头发弄得很短，

and bought him more Matchbox cars to join the dozens of others

还给他买了更多的火柴盒汽车， 让他和其他几十辆汽车一起，

in his gem-encrusted suitcase.

装在他镶满宝石的手提箱里。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

RJW: My mom found me hand-me-down clothes from friends with older daughters

RJW：我妈妈给了我 一些朋友家女儿的旧衣服。

that I was free to wear around the house.

我可以在家里随意穿。

But in public,

但是在公共场合，

I was limited to a winter stocking cap that I used to cover my short hair.

我只能戴一顶用来遮住短发的冬款针织帽。

I wore that hat constantly, even when I slept,

即使在我睡觉的时候，我也经常戴着帽子，

to the point where I began to develop a bald spot on the side of my head.

以至于我的头部侧面开始出现斑秃。

Thankfully, my dad made me a baseball cap with a little piece of rope

幸好，我爸给我做了一顶棒球帽，

and a wooden bead tied to the end,

上面有一根小绳子，末端绑着一颗木珠，

meant to mimic the swinging motion of a ponytail when I walked.

甩起来就像我走路时马尾辫的摆动。

This both alleviated my frustration with short haircuts

这既减轻了我对短发的挫败感，

and prevented premature baldness.

又防止了我过早脱发。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

For which I'm eternally grateful.

对此我永远心存感激。

As I got older, I had to quickly adapt to the unspoken rules of gender

随着年龄的增长， 我必须迅速适应性别的潜规则，

or face severe social fallout.

否则我会面临严重的社会影响。

I can never forget the harsh glares from parents

我永远无法忘记在学龄前的万圣节游行时，

at the preschool Halloween parade,

我勇敢地穿着自制的独角兽服装，

when I dared to show up wearing a homemade unicorn costume.

其他父母向我投来的尖锐目光。

The teacher who told my mom, "No one agrees with what you're doing,

那个老师对我妈妈说： “你的所作所为没有人能允许，

and you're going to hell for how you raise your child."

你这样养孩子，你会下地狱的。”

Before banning dress up for the entire class

之后就禁止全班同学打扮，

because of what I chose to put on my body.

只因为我选择让自己穿了什么。

The efforts to police my gender

这种想要监管我的性别，

and somehow shape me into a "normal boy" were constant,

以某种方式将我塑造成一个 “普通男孩” 的努力是持续存在的。

unavoidable and entirely ineffective.

不仅无可避免，而且完全无效。

LM: It was almost Halloween,

LM：快到万圣节的时候，

a grueling time of costume negotiations

对于那些具有性别创造力的孩子的父母，

for the parents of gender-creative children.

是一个艰苦的穿着谈判时期。

At our local Target, Milo,

在我们当地的Target超市，

with all the conviction of a seasoned attorney,

米洛像是个定罪经验丰富的刑事律师，

directed me to the shoe department,

直接带着我们往鞋子区走，

where we would yet again visit the coveted ruby slippers.

然后我们会又一次看见 他梦寐以求的红宝石拖鞋。

With each step, our anxieties grew,

每走一步，我们的焦虑都会增加一些，

his mood mirroring my uncertainty as I wavered.

他的心情和我的动摇相呼应着。

There were tears and a public tantrum over those ruby slippers.

为了这些红宝石拖鞋， 他流过眼泪，发过脾气。

And yet I denied him this simple wish,

但是我拒绝了他这个简单的愿望。

leaving him confused and deflated.

他觉得困惑又沮丧。

What was I so afraid of?

我到底在害怕什么？

Was it the judgmental glances of the other moms

是害怕我儿子 穿着打折的高跟鞋走在游行队伍里，

as my son paraded perfectly in discount heels at play dates?

其他玩伴的妈妈投来的审判眼光吗？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Their expressions were very memorable.

他们的表情非常令人难忘。

Or maybe it was the grim statistics that were looming in the background.

或许，是背后隐约可见的严峻统计数据。

I was well aware of the rising suicide rates of LGBTQ teens.

我很清楚LGBTQ青少年的自杀率在上升。

Or perhaps it was a new territory.

或者，这是一个新领域。

Navigating this expression of gender that I had no vocabulary for.

去探索一种我一无所知的性别表达方式。

These denials left our son miserable.

这些否认使我们的儿子痛苦不堪。

It was a low point for me in my motherhood

对我来说，这是我作为母亲的低谷。

but also a turning point for us as a family.

但对我们这个家庭来说也是一个转折点。

We all agreed it was time to stop overanalyzing gender norms:

我们一致认为， 是时侯停止过度分析性别规范了：

his toys, his clothing, his haircuts.

他的玩具、衣服、发型。

And let Milo take the lead,

让米洛自己做主，

embracing choices that rang true to him.

接受对他来说正确的选择。

(Applause)

（掌声）

RJW: My first psychologist introduced us to a highly protected listserv

RJW：我的第一位心理医生， 给我们介绍了一个受高度保护的用户群组，

where my mom discovered a support group

我妈妈发现了一个支持小组，

looking to create in-person opportunities

努力为有非常规性别孩子的家庭，

for families with gender non-conforming kids to gather together.

创造面对面聚会的机会。

That summer,

那年夏天，

my mom packed her kids into a minivan

我妈妈把孩子们装进一辆小型货车里，

and drove from Greenville, South Carolina to Washington, DC,

从南卡罗来纳州的格林维尔， 开到华盛顿特区，

where we stayed in a small hotel with four other families

在那里我们和另外四个家庭 一起住在一家小旅馆里，

who allowed their sons to dress and act however they wanted.

他们允许他们的儿子 随心所欲地着装和行动。

This was the first summer of Camp I Am.

这是Camp I Am夏令营的第一个夏天。

At just four years old,

我只有四岁，

I was too young to swim in the deep end of the hotel pool

因为太小，所以想在旅馆的泳池游泳，

without floaties,

必须有漂浮物才行。

but I relished in slumber parties and fashion shows

但我喜欢和孩子 一起参加睡衣派对和时装秀，

with kids who acted just like I did,

他们的行为喜好就像我一样，

if not more flamboyantly.

甚至更华丽浮夸。

For the first time in my life,

我有生以来第一次，

I was free to wear a dress in front of people

可以在不是我直系亲属的人面前 自由地穿裙子。

who weren't my immediate family.

I could paint my fingernails

我可以涂上指甲油，

without having to remove the polish an hour later.

而且不需要一个小时后就卸掉。

I remember feather boas and friendship bracelets,

我还记得一些羽毛蝴蝶结和友谊手链、

American Girl dolls and makeovers,

American Girl娃娃和化妆改造，

and a pillowcase signed with notes of encouragement from all my new friends.

还有一个枕套， 上面写满了新朋友们给我的祝福鼓励话语。

I slept with that pillowcase every single night

在第一个夏令营周末结束后，

after that first camp weekend ended.

我每天晚上都带着那个枕套睡觉。

LM: "I think I'm the only one like this," Milo said.

LM：“我觉得我是唯一一个这样的人，” 米洛说。

Those words hit hard,

这句话让我非常难过，

but they also motivated me to seek families like Reed's family

但也促使我去寻找像瑞德家人这样，

facing similar circumstances.

面临类似情况的家庭。

In 2008, in the early days of the internet,

2008年，在互联网初期，

I typed "my son loves pink" into a search engine

我在搜索引擎中输入 “我儿子喜欢粉色”，

and found myself on the website

然后找到了华盛顿特区

of the Children's National Medical Center in Washington, DC,

国家儿童医学中心的网站。

where I would discover a carefully vetted listserv

我在网站上找到了 一个经过仔细审查的用户群组，

where parents could discuss the challenges and triumphs

家长可以在那里讨论 抚养具有性别创造力的孩子，

of raising gender-creative children.

所面临的挑战和成果。

The day our family stepped into the meet and greet room

当我们一家走进华盛顿特区，

of the modest hotel in Washington, DC,

这家简陋酒店的会客室的那天，

we saw parents with a mix of hope and relief on their faces.

我们看到那些父母脸上半是希望半是欣慰。

This is where I would also meet Reed at age seven.

这就是我见到七岁瑞德的地方。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Though her gender had not yet been determined.

尽管那时她的性别尚未确定。

There we took in a room filled with little boys,

我们去了一个满是小男孩的房间，

most in hues of pink and purple,

大多数都穿着粉色和紫色，

and almost all with American Girl dolls dangling at their sides

几乎所有人都有American Girl娃娃， 在他们的身旁晃来晃去，

or clutched tightly to their chests.

或者被紧紧地抱在胸前。

The eyes of parents welled up as they entered this room.

当父母进入这个房间时， 他们的眼睛亮了起来。

And I remember one father with the baseball cap saying,

我记得有一位戴着棒球帽的父亲说：

"Whoa,

“哇，

I guess he's found his tribe."

我想他找到了自己的部落了。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Up until this moment, we had all felt so isolated.

在这一刻之前， 我们都感到如此地被孤立。

RJW: It wasn't until I was eight years old

RJW：直到我八岁，

that I met an openly trans girl

我才遇到了一个公开变性的女孩，

who refused to hide who she was in front of others.

她拒绝在别人面前隐瞒自己的身份。

She was the only other camper from South Carolina,

她是另一个来自南卡的营员，

and she wore intricate lace tights and the most gorgeous high heels

她穿着繁复的蕾丝紧身裤，

I had ever seen in my entire life.

和我一生中见过的最漂亮的高跟鞋。

She embodied Y2K vampy glam effortlessly,

她毫不费力地展现着Y2K吸血鬼风的魅力，

and I followed her around like a lost puppy,

我像一只流浪小狗一样跟着她四处走动，

marveling at her grace and freedom to be herself.

惊叹于她的优雅和做自己的自由。

She let me try on her treasured high heels for a day.

她让我试穿了一天她珍贵的高跟鞋。

At Camp I Am,

在Camp I Am，

I literally walked a mile in the shoes of a trans girl for the first time.

我第一次穿着跨性别女孩的鞋子 走了一英里那么远。

In 2015, over three years later,

三年后， 2015 年，

I finally told my parents that I'm a girl.

我终于告诉父母我是女孩。

At the time, everyone had a different opinion on the correct path forward.

那时，每个人对正确的前进道路 都有不同的看法。

One mother from Camp I Am told my mom that her son had also come out as trans,

一位来自Camp I Am的母亲告诉我妈妈 ， 她的儿子也作为跨性别者出柜了，

but she had no responsibility to pay for hormone blockers

但她没有责任在他们这个年龄 购买激素阻滞剂，

or navigate social transition at their age.

或引导社会转型。

She advised my mom to wait until I was 18

她建议我妈妈等到我 18 岁，

and I could make the decision for myself.

这样我可以自己作出决定。

My mom was horrified by the idea

一想到要让我再独自忍受六年的痛苦， 我妈妈就吓坏了。

of leaving me to suffer for six more years on my own.

It was then that she knew she could never inflict the hardship

正是那个时刻，她知道了，

of continuing to be misperceived as a boy on me.

她永远无法让我再继续承受， 当一名男孩的痛苦。

As terrifying as it felt for my parents to consent to trans health care

代表我接受跨性别医疗， 对我父母是非常可怕的一件事。

on my behalf,

we knew that it promised the best possible outcome.

但我们知道这也会带来最好的结果。

By this point, we had already moved to Virginia,

到那时，我们已经搬到了弗吉尼亚州，

and we began taking monthly four-hour road trips to Richmond

我们开始每个月开四个小时的车到里士满，

for gender affirming therapy

接受性别确认治疗，

and, eventually, endocrinology appointments.

最终预约了内分泌科。

I socially transitioned that summer,

那年夏天我进行了社交过渡，

and I haven't looked back since.

从那以后我再也没有回头。

(Applause)

（掌声）

I don't know if I would have reached that happy conclusion

如果我没有在Camp I Am那个社区，

without my time and the community

投入时间，

at Camp I Am.

我不知道自己能否得出这个圆满的结论。

LM: I became the de facto photographer

LM：2009 年，我成为了紧密团结的 Camp I Am社区，

of the closely-knit Camp I Am community in 2009,

实际上的摄影师，

capturing the kids' moments of freedom

拍摄了孩子们的自由时刻，

where they could run and twirl and sing

他们可以与父母和兄弟姐妹，

and express their interpretations of gender

一起奔跑、旋转、唱歌，

alongside their parents and their siblings.

表达他们对性别的解读。

For the kids,

对于孩子们来说，

the photos provided vibrant mementos to reassure them throughout the year.

这些照片纪念了他们充满活力的时刻， 在接下来的一整年里提供宽慰。

It took a lot of courage in 2012,

2012 年，夏令营的家长和孩子们同意 在《纽约时报》的封面故事，

when camp parents and children agreed to have their photographs published

《穿连衣裙的男孩怎么了？》

in the New York Times Magazine cover story,

发表他们的照片，

"What's Wrong with a Boy Who Wears a Dress?"

这需要很大的勇气。

I'll never forget the evening.

我永远不会忘记那个晚上。

The kids were standing in front of the red barn,

孩子们正站在红色的谷仓前，

excitedly preparing for the annual camp fashion show,

激动地为一年一度的夏令营时装秀做准备。

and the parents stood behind me and my tripod,

父母们站在我和我的三脚架后面，

mesmerized by their children's joy.

因他们的喜悦而目眩神迷。

"We need to show our kids to the world,"

“我们需要向世界展示我们的孩子。”

a mom said quietly.

一位妈妈悄悄地说。

And one of the dads said, "That would be terrifying.

其中一位爸爸说：“可能会非常可怕。

But perhaps if we shared our normal with the public,

但是， 如果我们与公众分享我们的常态，

it would open a dialogue that was far overdue."

也会开启一场早该进行的对话。”

RJW: When I look back at Lindsay’s photos from Camp I Am,

RJW：当我回头看林赛 在 Camp I Am 中拍下的照片时，

I see children who possess an intimate understanding of who they are.

我看到孩子们对自己的身份 有着深刻的了解。

That many could only hope to someday experience.

许多人只能希望有一天能有这样的经历。

We were among the earliest experts on queer youth,

我们和最早研究 酷儿青春期的专家一起，

running wild in the woods with glitter and flowers in our overgrown hair.

在树林里疯狂奔跑， 过长的头发中夹杂着亮片和鲜花。

The kids of Camp I Am were some of the first

Camp I Am的孩子，

to openly question why we have to behave

是最早公开质疑，

in accordance with our sex assigned at birth?

为什么我们必须按照出生时 分配的性别行事的人。

The first kids with parents willing to fight for

最早一批，父母愿意为我们而战， 而不是压制我们的新身份的孩子。

rather than suppress our emerging identities.

When I look at these images,

当我看这些画面时，

I see liberation.

我看到了解放。

I see the future.

我看到了未来。

A world where kids are encouraged to express themselves

这是一个鼓励孩子们 不受审判地表达自己看法的世界。

free from judgment.

Where parents are encouraged to ask questions and seek support

鼓励父母提问和寻求支持，

rather than compel their children to embody arbitrary gender roles.

而不是强迫子女扮演 任意的性别角色。

LM: Although we parents shared a common thread,

LM：尽管我们父母有着共同的观点，

our perspectives were diverse.

但我们的观点是多种多样的。

To put it mildly.

说得委婉一点，

Parents came from across the country

父母们来自全国各地，

with varying religious beliefs, political,

具有不同的宗教信仰、

socioeconomic backgrounds.

政治和社会经济背景。

And it wasn't easy.

这并不容易。

Divorces happened,

有的父母离婚了，

a Mormon family was excommunicated.

有一个摩门家庭被逐出教会。

And some are uprooted,

还有一些人背井离乡，

finding it simply impossible to live in unsupportive communities.

发现根本不可能生活在没有支持的社区。

Today, like Reed,

今天，像瑞德一样，

many of these young adults are advocating for themselves and for their rights.

这些年轻人中有许多人正在 为自己和自己的权利辩护。

Some transitioned seamlessly thanks to a lot of courage,

有些人之所以能够顺利过渡，

and also thanks to parents who educated themselves,

这要归功于极大的勇气， 也要归功于努力学习的父母，

seeking out the most appropriate care for their child,

无论孩子在性别图谱上处于什么位置，

no matter where they landed on the gender spectrum.

他们都为孩子寻求最合适的照顾。

And like Reed today, there are so many success stories of the former campers.

就像今天的里德一样， 有许多前营员的成功故事。

Not everyone followed the same track.

并非所有人都遵循相同的轨道。

Today, my son Milo identifies as a gay man

今天，我的儿子米洛认定自己，

living in New York City

是一个生活在纽约市，

and studying fashion marketing and advertising at FIT.

并在FIT学习时装营销 和广告的男同性恋者。

RJW: Camp I Am was an oasis,

RJW：Camp I Am是一片绿洲，

a brief reprieve from the endless harassment and judgment

短暂地缓解了那些， 来自陌生人无休止的骚扰和审判。

from strangers who claimed to know what was in my best interest.

并且他们还口口声声喊着， 知道怎样才是对我们最好的。

Attending camp didn't make me trans.

参加夏令营并没有让我变性。

My parents did not make me trans.

我的父母没有让我变性人。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

If anything, I never went out of my way to be different or unordinary.

如果要说的话，我从来没有 竭尽全力去变得不同或不普通。

I was just encouraged to be myself, whatever that may look like.

我只是被鼓励去做我自己， 不管是什么样子。

The early support that I received

我早期获得的支持，

made it possible for me to pursue a life worth living.

使我有可能过上一种值得的人生。

Today, I’m a fourth-year at the University of Virginia

现在，我在弗吉尼亚大学读四年级，

studying political and social thought and poetry writing.

学习政治和社会思想以及诗歌写作。

I'm an advocate on behalf of trans youth.

我是跨性别青年的倡导者。

I've spent the past two summers working as a camp counselor,

在过去的两个夏天里， 我一直担任夏令营顾问，

helping to provide even more trans kids

帮助更多的跨性别儿童，

with that same fulfilling summer camp experience

获得同样充实的夏令营经历，

that helped make me the person I am today.

这使我成为了今天的我。

I can only hope that more parents see from my story

我只能希望更多的家长，

and the story of Camp I Am,

从我的故事和 Camp I Am夏令营的故事中看到，

the importance of protecting and supporting

在父母保护和支持我的同时，

trans and gender non-conforming children

保护和支持，

as my parents protected and supported me.

跨性别和非传统性别的儿童的重要性。

Thank you.

谢谢。

LM: Thank you.

LM：谢谢。

(Applause)

（掌声）