Why US Laws Must Expand Beyond the Nuclear Family | Diana Adams | TED

翻译人员: e lo 校对人员: suya f.

Growing up in a working-class town in upstate New York,

我长大在一个纽约州北部的 工人阶层的城镇里，

I was taught to hope for a future with a husband and two kids.

我被教导理想的未来 就是有一个丈夫和两个孩子。

How about you?

你们呢？

I saw women in my community marry as a path to economic security

我看到周围社区里的女人们 为了生活保障而结婚，

but often end up with discontent and even abuse instead.

却往往以不满甚至被虐待而告终。

As I got older,

当我的年龄日渐增长，

I came to wonder and I ask you now:

我开始思考并想问你们：

What is family?

什么是家庭？

What do we want family to be?

我们想要家庭是什么？

The nuclear family has been the basis for our cultural stories and our laws.

核心家庭一直以来 是我们文化故事和法律的基础。

But only about half of US adults are married.

但在美国，只有大约一半的成年人已婚。

Fewer every year.

这数字还逐年减少。

Forty percent of US adults don't live with a romantic partner at all.

百分之四十的美国成年人 不和爱人伴侣同居。

As of 2013,

截至2013年,

less than half of US children had two married heterosexual parents

不到一半的美国儿童有

in their first marriage.

两个已婚的、未离异过的、异性父母。

The majority of us are not in a nuclear family with a spouse and kids.

我们大多数人都不在一个 由一个配偶和孩子组成的核心家庭里。

Yet somehow,

然而不知何故，

we treat this majority of people like social failures.

我们看待这些占多数的人为 社会失败者。

What’s worse:

更糟糕的是：

our laws treat unmarried people as lesser citizens.

我们的法律视未婚人士为二等公民。

Marriage comes with over 1,000 rights and benefits under federal law.

在联邦法律规定中，婚姻可以 拥有 1000 项以上权利和福利。

These include the ability to get your spouse citizenship,

这些权利包括帮助 你的配偶获得公民身份，

share health insurance, get better tax rates

共享医疗保险，获得更好的税率,

and inherit tax-free at death and more.

死亡后财产可免税继承，等等。

Part of the winning argument for same-sex marriage

支持同性婚姻的部分论据是，

was that we shouldn't deprive gay couples of all of these essential benefits.

我们不应该剥夺同性恋伴侣 所有这些基本的福利。

But I ask you,

但我想问你的是，

why should anyone be denied benefits because they're in a romantic relationship

为什么会有人因为处在一段 不被部分人赞成的恋爱关系中，

of which some people disapprove?

或者因为他们是单身，

Or because they're single.

而被否定这些权利？

(Applause)

（掌声）

Thank you.

谢谢各位。

Or because they're basing family

或者因为他们建立家庭的基础

on something other than a romantic relationship,

是恋爱关系以外的东西。

like co-parenting a child.

比如共同抚养一个孩子。

Our laws should move away from the idea that there's one ideal family form

我们的法律应该避免相信 存在一种理想的家庭形式，

and value all families as they exist.

并重视所有以各种形式存在的家庭。

(Applause)

（掌声）

That's what I've dedicated my career to,

这就是我的职业生涯 为之奉献的理念，

and today, I'll share some of my visions

今天，我将会分享我的一些愿景，

for how we can change US laws to benefit all families,

关于我们能够如何改变美国法律， 让其造福所有家庭，

but also how an expansive view of family

以及一个广义的对于家庭的定义如何

will strengthen all of your own relationships.

使你所有与他人的联系变得更加紧密。

For nearly 15 years with my law firm for LGBTQ and non-nuclear families,

在 15 年左右的一段时间内 在我的为LGBTQ 和非核心家庭所

创建的律师事务所里

I've supported same sex couples.

我一直支持着同性伴侣，

But also the many family forms beyond marriage,

和很多超越婚姻的家庭形式，

like platonic partners who are raising a child together

例如一起抚养孩子的 柏拉图式的伴侣，

or sharing finances without a romantic relationship.

或是共享财务 但没有恋爱关系的伴侣。

Or grandparents who are raising their grandchildren.

或者正在抚养他们的孙子的祖父母。

Or a lesbian couple co-parenting with a male friend.

或者是一对与男性朋友 共同抚养孩子的女同性伴侣。

Or polyamorous partners

或是身处在一个三人或四人的关系中的

who might be in a committed relationship of three or four.

多元之爱的伴侣们。

Within that legal advocacy,

在法律援助中，

I facilitate discussions to make sure that everyone's intentions are aligned

我促进讨论以确保 每个人的意图都是一致的，

and then help them design their own family agreements.

然后帮助他们设计 他们自己的家庭协议。

With the non-profit organization I founded,

通过创立非营利组织，

Chosen Family Law Center,

“自选家庭法律中心”，

I advocate for changes in US laws

我提倡改变美国法律

to benefit this whole beautiful spectrum of family constellations.

来使所有不同形式的家庭受益。

And it is my core belief that no matter how you form family,

我的核心信念是 无论你打算如何组建家庭，

actively discussing how we intend to live together

积极讨论我们打算如何生活在一起，

is the best thing we can do to strengthen our own personal relationships.

是我们能做的 最能加强人际关系的事。

So how did we end up with this current US emphasis on nuclear family?

那么我们是如何成就了美国如今 对于核心家庭的重视的？

Most of us throughout history have lived in large extended family networks

纵观历史，我们大多数人 都生活在一个大家庭网络中

and 38 percent of the world population does today.

今天百分之 38 的 世界人口还是如此。

The nuclear family is actually a relatively new development.

核心家庭其实是一个 相对来说较新的概念。

It emerged in the industrial revolution

它诞生于工业革命时期，

to support a working dad and a homemaker mom.

专指支撑一个工作的父亲和 一个家庭主妇母亲的组合。

It peaked in the 1950s and '60s,

这个概念在上世纪 50 和 60 年代 左右达到了顶峰，

but it hasn't been the most common family form before or since.

但它一直都不是最普遍的家庭形态。

Still, somehow, it's the basis for our health insurance system.

但，不知为何，核心家庭 是我们健康保险系统的根据。

How well is that working out?

这样的效果如何呢？

And a reason for our lack of affordable childcare in this country.

一个造成我们国家缺少能够 让常人负担得起的托儿服务的原因是

We still build and zone suburban homes with this fictional family in mind.

我们仍在建造和划分郊区住宅时 使用到这个虚构的家庭结构。

In Western Europe, where I live, and in many other countries,

在我生活的地方，西欧， 和其他很多国家，

states provide support for citizens in need,

政府给需要帮助的公民们提供支持，

including parents who are home with young children,

包括与年幼的孩子们待在家中的家长们，

such as paid maternity leave

像是带薪产假

and financial support throughout the childhood, if needed.

和提供抚养孩子需要的经济支持。

But in US law,

但在美国法律里，

we make sure that financial safety net happens between spouses

我们保证金融安全网存在于伴侣

rather than between citizen and state.

而不是公民和政府之间。

US marriage is a social welfare state of two.

美国婚姻是两方的社会福利状态。

I'd rather a different social welfare state personally.

我倒是宁愿个人有不同的社会福利。

This leaves many people, especially women,

因为现状导致了很多人，特别是女性，

stuck in unhealthy relationships.

被不健康的关系困住。

So at this point,

所以此时，

we can evaluate how same-sex partnership,

我们可以分析同性之间的伴侣关系，

when we move into that movement for same sex marriage,

当我们看支持同性婚姻的运动时，

there was really an emphasis

一直都着重在

on whether we should be pushing for gay marriage

我们是否应该争取同性婚姻

so that gay people could get the benefits of marriage,

让同性恋人群得到婚姻带来的福利，

or whether we should be working to protect the rights of the unmarried.

或是我们是否应该 努力保障未婚人群的权益。

And we can do both.

我们可以两者都做。

It's time now to protect the rights of unmarried people

现在是时候保护未婚群体

and other kinds of family constellations.

和其他家庭形式的权利。

(Applause)

（掌声）

Because the reality is, there's no evidence

因为事实就是，没有证据证明

that the nuclear family model is actually the best one.

核心家庭模式就是最好的。

Research has consistently shown

研究持续表明

that children need stability of parental figures.

儿童需要稳定的父母类人物。

But from what I've consistently found,

但我经常发现的是

it doesn't matter if that stability is mom and dad,

是一个稳定的母亲还是父亲并不重要，

two dads, mom and grandma

无论是两个父亲，母亲还是祖母

or three polyamorous partners.

或是三个多角伴侣都不重要。

So this is not only about justice.

所以这并不是只是关于正义。

This is about what's best for children.

这也是关于对儿童来说什么才是最好的。

If we really want that stability for kids,

如果我们真的想要为 孩子们提供稳定的环境，

we need to provide support for all the kinds of families that kids are in,

我们需要给以所有 有孩子的不同形式的家庭支持

rather than try and fail

而不是尝试并失败于

to push people into a nuclear family model with government benefits.

推动人们进入一种 有政府福利的核心家庭模式。

It's time to observe what's not working and change course.

现在是时候观察什么是无效的 然后去改变它们。

My definition of family

我对家庭的定义

is people who are committed to be there for each other,

是人们承诺无论发生什么，

no matter what.

都互相陪伴彼此。

This includes chosen family

这其中包括选定的家庭

regardless of biological relationship or legal marriage.

无关亲缘或合法婚姻。

Many Black families in the US have chosen aunties and uncles

很多在美国的非裔家庭 有选定的舅妈和舅舅。

with no blood relation,

他们没有血缘关系，

but a decision to be family and a commitment to the children involved.

但有一个选择成为家庭 和对孩子的承诺的决定。

Countless LGBTQ people create chosen family

无数 LGBTQ 群体 在当被原生家庭拒绝，

when they're rejected by their family of origin

或是想要创建能够分享 他们价值观的家庭时，

or when wanting to create families that share their values.

创建了自选家庭。

I am one of those queer people to find home with chosen family.

我也是在自选家庭中 找到归宿的酷儿群体中的一个。

I grew up in a Christian family in a small town,

我成长在一个小镇上的天主教家庭，

the only child of wonderful older parents.

一个优秀的年长父母的独生子女。

When I came out as bisexual,

当我以双性恋出柜时，

then as polyamorous, then as gender non-binary,

作为多角恋者， 作为非二元性别者时，

most of my blood relations and over 30 cousins stopped talking to me.

我的大多数血亲和 30 个以上 的表亲都不再对我说话。

That's pretty standard.

这是一种标准发展。

When I was a broke 20-something starting my law practice,

当我在我的二十岁左右开始法律实践时，

I was diagnosed with cervical cancer.

我被诊断出患有宫颈癌。

And realized that I'd been duped into buying a health insurance

然后发现我被骗着买了

that didn't cover cancer.

一个不包括癌症的健康保险。

I was in a desperate, life-threatening situation.

我当时处在一个绝望的， 危及生命的处境。

And while my parents were loving,

我的父母对我充满爱意，

they couldn't provide me with material support or problem-solving.

但他们无法为我提供 物质支持或解决问题的方法。

So I broke through my shame and my embarrassment

所以我冲破了需求帮助时

about asking for help.

的羞耻和尴尬。

And I reached out to my communities of friends.

我向我社区的朋友伸出双手。

And I discovered that they were eager to more actively support one another.

并发现他们很渴望 更积极地相互支持彼此。

They made a schedule,

他们定好了一个时间规划，

so there was always someone there to cook, to clean,

会一直有人做饭，打扫清洁，

to make phone calls about my health coverage

针对我的健康保险打电话

or just sit with me while I cried in my grief and my fear.

或只是在我因悲伤和恐惧哭泣时陪伴我。

When I won my appeal to receive coverage by the Cancer Services Medicaid program,

在我通过癌症服务医疗补助计划 赢得上诉获得保险时，

the administrator called and said,

管理员打电话说，

"I don't know who you are, but a lot of people love you."

“我不知道你是谁， 但是很多人都爱你。”

(Applause)

（掌声）

And then she said, "And I'd like them to stop calling my office now, please.

然后她说，“我希望请他们 停止给我办公室打电话。

Let them know you got coverage, it's done.

告诉他们你得到了保险，这件事结束了。

Thank you."

谢谢。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

The chosen family who stepped up for me

为我挺身而出的自选家庭

probably saved my life.

可能救了我的命。

But they wouldn't necessarily be able to visit me in the hospital

但他们不一定能够去医院看我

or cross a border in a pandemic to be with me.

或跨越国界在疫情中与我在一起。

Because relationships beyond blood and beyond marriage

因为超越血缘和婚姻的关系

often don't get those rights.

往往得不到这些权利。

And since then, my life's work has been to change that and I will.

从那时开始，

我就决定用一生的奋斗来改变它。 我将会改变它，

(Applause and cheers)

（掌声和欢呼）

When we embrace the idea of chosen family,

当我们拥抱自选家庭这个概念，

our own free will is more important than biological connection.

我们自我的意愿比生理上 的联系更加重要。

We can choose to create family relationships

我们可以选择与那些

with the people who provide us with the meaningful support

给与我们重要支持的人建立家庭联系。

that we need and deserve.

这是我们需要并应得的。

Same-sex parenting has also advanced the concept of family beyond biology,

同性育儿也使超越血缘 的家庭概念进一步提升，

because in a same sex couple,

因为在同性伴侣中，

only one parent's providing the sperm or the egg.

只有一方家长提供精子或是卵子。

In my family-building legal work with these families,

在我与这些家庭建立家庭法律文件时，

I facilitate discussions to make sure that everyone's intentions are aligned

在设计该法律协议之前，

before designing that legal agreement.

我促进讨论以确保 每个人的意图都是一致的。

For example,

例如，

I’ll often work with a female same-sex couple

我常常与女性同性伴侣合作

who has a male friend who wants to "help" them become parents.

她们有一个愿意“帮助” 她们成为家长的男性朋友。

So I'll facilitate discussions to make sure they're all clear

所以我会协助他们进行沟通， 确保他们清楚确认

on whether he's going to be a co-parent or a sperm donor

这位男性朋友是希望 成为一个共同父母还是精子捐献者，

and design a legal agreement either way.

然后根据分情况设计法律协议。

Without that, I've seen too many situations of ambiguity.

我曾经看见过许多人 因为没有事先清楚沟通，

而陷入对互相职责不明确的情况。

Where mom calls him a dad when she needs childcare help

当母亲在需要照顾儿童时 希望他承担父亲的责任，

but a donor when it comes time to make a big decision

但在重要决策时

she doesn't want his input on.

只把他当做精子捐献者 并不想要他的建议。

He calls himself dad when the baby's adorable at the park,

或是他在孩子在公园展现 可爱的一面时把自己当做父亲，

but feels more like a donor when the school bill comes, you know?

但看到学费账单时， 更倾向于认为自己是精子捐献者。

When we're designing our own families,

当我们在创建自己的家庭时，

we need clear written agreements,

我们需要清晰的书面协议，

especially if children are involved.

特别是当涉及到孩子的时候。

Let's say I have two clients, Sharon and Bill,

比方说，我有两个客户，莎伦和比尔，

best friends who are considering becoming co-parents.

她们是最好的朋友， 并考虑变成一对共同父母。

Sharon's turned 40

莎伦已经40岁了

and hasn't found the right man with whom to marry and have kids.

并没有找到合适的男人 建立婚姻并生育儿女。

Neither has her gay bestie Bill,

她的闺蜜比尔也没有结婚生子，

who can’t afford the $100,000 surrogacy process by himself.

他还没有能力自己承担 $100,000 的代孕费用。

So they call each other their Plan B.

所以他们称呼对方为各自的 B 计划。

I would facilitate discussions with them about their parenting values,

我会协助他们针对他们 各自的育儿理念进行对话，

their plans to share finances for the child,

他们互相承担抚养费用的计划，

their ideal week of childcare split.

他们理想的分别照顾孩子的日期。

But the conversation often gets more difficult

但沟通往往变得更加艰难

when I ask questions like,

在当我问他们一些问题时，像是，

"Are you willing to live in the same city for the next 18 years

“你愿意在未来 18 年里 生活在一个城市

to each be near the child?"

让你和孩子的距离变近吗？”

We're used to the idea of sacrificing for a spouse

我们已经适应于为了 伴侣而牺牲一些的概念

and saying "no" to a dream job in a different city

像是拒绝另一个城市的理想工作

to stay close to each other.

来离对方更近一些。

But it's a shocking idea to do that for your buddy.

但为了你的好朋友 做这样的事就让人震惊。

But by becoming co-parenting partners,

但当双方变为共同父母的情况下，

they need to elevate their level of commitment from friends

他们需要将朋友之间的责任义务提升至

to platonic partners.

柏拉图式的伴侣。

They need to consciously say “goodbye” to a Prince Charming fantasy

他们需要有意识地 对白马王子的幻想说“再见”

and welcome and embrace a new reality

然后欢迎并接受新的现实，

of a beautiful partnership grounded in their long-term friendship

一个建立在他们长期的友谊之上 的美好的伴侣关系

and agree that this co-parenting relationship will come first.

并同意这种共同养育关系将是第一位的。

I have found in my work

在我的工作中，我发现

that these kinds of discussions are much more powerful

这类讨论往往比

for preventing future disputes than any written contract can be.

任何书面合同在阻止 未来纠纷时更加有效。

We need to have these conversations.

我们需要有这类讨论。

Legal contracts are sometimes written to avoid looking eye to eye

法律合同有时是为了 在不能对视、不能坦诚相对

and coming to agreement.

时促成协议而写的。

But family contracts should only be written after you've done that.

但家庭合同只应该 在互相达成一致之后书写。

When I design relationships

当我为对多角关系中的三人或四人

for polyamorous triads of three or quads of four,

建立关系时，

I sometimes use existing legal structures

我有时使用现存的、

like trusts or LLCs,

信托或是有限责任公司等的法律结构，

that allow you to share property and finances

以帮助你们共享不动产与资金

without a question as to your relationship.

而无需考虑你们的关系。

So, for example, if I've got a polyamorous triad

比如，如果有三个多角关系者

Ayesha, Susan and Linda,

阿伊莎、苏珊和琳达，

I can set up an LLC for them

我可以帮他们建立一个有限责任公司

so that they can co-own real estate properties,

这样他们就可以共同拥有房产，

pay taxes together,

共同缴纳税收，

purchase a common health insurance

购买一份共同的医疗保险，

and have clear exit strategies if they wish.

只要他们愿意，还可以 有一个明确的退出机制。

(Applause)

(掌声）

And if people trust each other enough

如果人们之间十分信任

to pool their financial fortune and want to pay taxes together,

并汇集他们的财富还想一起纳税，

it shouldn't matter whether they're business partners,

无论他们是商业伙伴，

siblings or romantic partners.

兄弟姐妹或浪漫伴侣都不重要。

All of those families are valid.

这些家庭都适用这些法律。

(Applause)

（掌声）

Thank you.

谢谢。

We should be able to choose legal partners

我们应该有权益选择自己法律的伴侣

beyond a single romantic partner, like a spouse.

超越个人的浪漫伴侣，像是配偶。

Some people are doing that now,

有些人现在正在这样做，

and it's the trend for the future.

并且这是未来的趋势。

Domestic partnerships have been used for 30 years by same-sex couples,

同居伴侶在这 30 年以来 一直是同性恋伴侣

but also by best friends and siblings.

好友以及兄弟姐妹之间的生活模式。

Doing so, as domestic partners, allows you to share your health insurance

作为同居伴侣，可以共享医疗保险，

to visit each other in the hospital

在住院时互相探望，

and across borders in a pandemic, like spouses.

像合法伴侣一样跨越国界，共度疫情。

But unlike spouses, you don't become a social welfare state of two,

但和合法伴侣不一样的是， 你们的社会福利不会融合，

which can be a good thing.

这其实可能是一件好事。

I had a client who had a severely disabled sister.

我有一位有着一个 严重残障的姐妹的顾客。

By becoming domestic partners,

通过成为同居伴侣，

she was able to put her sister

她的医疗保险已成功

on her excellent health insurance coverage.

覆盖她的姐妹。

Why would a sister be any less worthy of that than a boyfriend?

难道姐妹就比不上男友吗？

Right?

对吗？

Thank you.

谢谢。

(Applause)

（掌声）

We've built on that history.

我们在创造历史。

In 2020, my organization helped pass the first laws

在 2020 年，我的组织 帮助通过了最初的

for multi-partner domestic partnership,

关于多伴侣同居的法律，

which have passed in several cities and counting.

它在不少城市中都被投票通过了。

This means that three or four polyamorous partners

这意味着三个或者是四个多角伴侣

could become domestic partners

可以成为同居伴侣

or two or more platonic co-parents

或两个或多个柏拉图式的共同父母

or any two, three or four people

或是任何两个，三个或四个人

who want to become each other's legal partners.

都能成为对方的法律伴侣。

When relationships have legal status like this,

当关系像这样得到了法律认可时，

it reduces discrimination and promotes social acceptance and awareness,

必将减少歧视并提倡社会认可度和意识，

as we saw in the same-sex partnership movement.

就像我们在支持同性伴侣关系 的运动中看到的那样。

Still, we hope this year to pass

我们仍然希望今年

the first family status nondiscrimination laws

在美国各个市能够通过

at city levels across the United States,

第一个家庭状况非歧视法案

which means that you can't be discriminated against,

这意味着你会再因你的家庭结构

you can't be fired from your job or denied housing

被他人所歧视、

because of your family configuration.

被辞退或被拒绝住房

(Applause)

（掌声）

In future,

在未来，

I propose that we move from these city-level domestic partnerships

我将提议我们将城市层面的同居关系

to state-level multi-partner domestic partnerships

升级到州层面的多方同居伴侣

and then federal recognition,

然后到联邦认可，

as we did with same-sex marriage.

就像我们对同性婚姻所做的那样。

And if we really want to value families as they exist

并且如果我们真正想珍惜 以各种形式存在的家庭

rather than incentivize marriage,

而不是提倡婚姻，

I also suggest that we separate out some of the legal perks of marriage

我还建议我们分拨出一些婚姻的法律津贴

so that single people and other kinds of families get these benefits

让单身或其他类型的家庭都得到福利政策

without an evaluation of whether they're in a romantic relationship

而不需要评估他们是否处在

that passes muster.

一段符合要求的浪漫关系中。

And marriage should not be the gateway to social and economic privilege anymore.

婚姻不应该成为通往 社会和经济特权的大门。

That time is done.

这样的日子已经成为了历史。

And marriages will be stronger when we do that.

如果我们这样做，婚姻会变得更加坚固。

Do you know anyone who got married faster than they should have

你是否知道一些为了健康保险或国籍

for health insurance or citizenship?

而匆忙结婚的人呢？

Because I know too many, and I’m a divorce lawyer.

因为我认识太多这样的人了。 而我是是一个离婚律师。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

As a divorce lawyer, relationships last longer

作为一个离婚律师，我认为当我们

when we marry for better reasons than government perks.

为了更好的理由而非政府津贴而结婚时， 关系往往能够更加长久。

So, many of you may be married

所以，你们许多都已经结婚

and may not think that these issues have personal relevance for you.

并觉得这些问题与 你们并没有个人的联系。

But I ask you to reflect.

但我希望你能思考一下。

Could your relationship be stronger

你的关系会不会变得更加坚固

if you adopted a more expansive view of family?

如果你对家庭这个概念 的理解能够变得更广泛？

Marriage and partnership are not one-size-fits-all.

婚姻和伴侣关系并不是 一个适用于所有人的概念。

Every couple in partnership benefits

每个处在关系里的人都获益于

from actively deciding how they want to co-create together

积极决定如何共创

in terms of co-parenting, shared finances,

良好的共同抚养、共享资金

your household

和家庭关系，

and your definition of monogamy.

获益于你们自己对一夫一妻制的定义。

For example,

举一个例子，

is there any hidden expectation that you have with your partner

你们对你们的伴侣是否有隐藏的期待，

that would benefit from being spoken out loud and confirmed?

一旦说出和确认， 就会让各方都变得更好？

I bet there is.

我觉得肯定有。

Or is there any aspect of partnership that you participate in

或者是否有些伴侣行为，

just because everyone does it,

你参与只是因为所有人都这样做，

like sleeping in the same bed or only vacationing together,

像是睡在一张床上 或是只与对方一起度假，

that just isn't really working for your partnership?

但是在你的伴侣关系里并不合适？

When we expect any one relationship in our lives to meet most of our needs,

如果我们期望任何一种关系在 我们的生活中满足我们的大部分需求，

we may be putting too much pressure on that relationship.

那我们可能对于那个 关系施加了太大的压力。

And whether it's your romantic partner, your parent, your adult child,

无论是你的浪漫伴侣， 你的父母，你的成年子女，

your relationship may be stronger

你和他们的关系可能更加牢固，

if you also strengthen other connections in your lives

如果你加强你生活中的其他关系

and find other ways to get some of your own needs met.

并寻找其他方式获得需求的满足。

(Applause)

（掌声）

My husband does not want to help me process.

我老公不想帮我处理。

I have other people for that in my life.

我生命中还有其他可以为我这样做的人。

So ...

所以。。。

I think it's worthwhile to question,

我觉得值得提问，

no matter what kind of family configuration you're in,

不管你处于什么样的家庭关系中，

whether you could be part of a movement for greater interconnectedness

你是否可以成为推动 新型关系诞生的一部分力量，

beyond our romantic relationships and beyond the walls of our home.

一个超越了我们的浪漫关系 和家庭限制的新关系。

Your family and your community will be stronger when you do.

当你这样做时你的家人 和社区会变得更强大。

Is there a long-term friend that you could reach out to

你有没有可以联系到的长期朋友，

with whom you'd like to be better in touch

你希望与他更紧密地连结起来，

and suggest a regular date for a special time together?

并建议一个固定的日期一起 度过一段特别的时光？

Could you create a childcare cooperative with other parents in your community?

你能与社区中的其他父母 创建一个托儿合作社吗？

Is there a single parent or elderly person in your life

你是否有单亲父母或长者，

whose home you could spend more time in?

需要你多在他们的家中陪伴他们？

At some point in a long life,

在漫长人生的某个时刻，

you too will need support.

你也会需要支持。

And it benefits you to practice asking for support now

现在练习寻求支持并积极关心

and actively caring for people in community

可能有一天会照顾你的社区中的人

who may one day care for you.

将会使你收益。

A baby whose diaper you change may one day change yours.

你换尿布的婴儿也许有一天会换你的。

(Audience murmurs and laughs)

（观众低语和大笑）

Sorry.

抱歉。

It's the beautiful reciprocity of human relationship.

这是人类的关系里的美丽互惠。

And in my vision for the future,

在我对未来的愿景中，

while we work together to redefine family in law,

当我们为重新定义家庭而一起努力时，

we can all redefine family in our own culture and lives.

我们都可以在我们自己的文化 和生活中重新定义家庭。

There may even be a close friend to whom you get the courage to ask:

甚至可能有一个你有 勇气询问的亲密的朋友：

Do you want to make family with me?

你想和我建立家庭吗？

Thank you.

谢谢大家。

(Applause)

（掌声）