Advanced English Conversation: Vocabulary, Grammar, Pronunciation

Vanessa: Guess what? We are going to have a baby,  

another baby. Dan: 

Yay. Vanessa: 

Today I am here with my husband, Dan. Dan: 

Hello. Vanessa: 

And we are going to give you a real English  conversation. I know that a lot of you love  

these conversations. It's a great way to level  up your listening skills and just have a good  

time with English. And we have something  special Today. We asked you what questions  

you have for us about baby number three.  And boy oh boy, did you deliver? Ha ha ha. 

Dan: Boy oh boy. I don't know about that. 

Vanessa: Girl oh girl. Did you deliver? We have- 

Dan: Hello girl. 

Vanessa: 12 questions that you asked  

us about our third baby and our lives. And we're  going to answer them, starting with the category  

of pregnancy, then going on to birth, and then  going on to life with three children. So I hope  

you enjoy this lesson. Like always, I have created  a free PDF worksheet, which is now covering Dan's  

face. That includes all of today's questions.  Some of the key vocabulary that you're going  

to see come up on the screen here, and that will  help you to be able to follow our conversation. 

You can click on the link in the description to  download that free PDF worksheet today. It is  

our gift to you. You are also welcome to click  CC so that you can view the full subtitles for  

our conversation. I have these questions, but we  haven't chatted about it at all. This is all just  

spontaneous. Dan: 

Going in fresh. Vanessa: 

Yeah, just off the cuff. So I don't know what's  going to happen. I hope it will be interesting and  

useful to you, but if there's any vocabulary or  anything that might be new for you, you can click  

CC and view the full subtitles. All right. Are  you ready to get started with the first category,  

pregnancy? Dan: 

I'm so ready. Vanessa: 

Okay. Well, I got a big old belly that's ready to  talk about pregnancy. Let's talk about the first  

question, which comes from Olga. Dan: 

Olga. Vanessa: 

Well, you might or might not know that we  have a name for our baby. First of all,  

is our baby a boy or a girl? Dan: 

She's a girl. Vanessa: 

Yes. So we have a five-year-old boy, a  three-year-old boy, and now we're going to have  

a third child who's a girl. Very exciting. Dan: 

Yay. Vanessa: 

And she has a name. Dan: 

Yes. What is it? Vanessa: 

Well, Olga's question is about that. Dan: 

Oh. Vanessa: 

She says, I love the name you chose, Matilda. Dan: 

Matilda. Vanessa: 

She said Matilda is my favorite Roald Dahl  book for children. Did you have any specific  

inspiration when choosing this beautiful name?  Thank you, Olga. So yeah, what do you think? Did  

we have any inspiration for choosing this name? Dan: 

No, not really. I don't know if you did, but so  my process was to look at the most popular names,  

the top 1000, basically. Vanessa: 

1000? Dan: 

Yes. I scrolled through all of them and I just  wrote down the ones that I liked. And I saw  

Matilda and I thought, "Hmm, that's a pretty  cool name, but I don't think Vanessa will like  

it." So I wrote down, I don't know, 25 names and  that Vanessa does the same thing and she writes  

down two names. Vanessa: 

I said no to a lot of names. Dan: 

She wrote down two names. One was  Louise and the other one was Matilda. 

Vanessa: Yep. 

Dan: And I was like,  

"Matilda, really?" Vanessa: 

Yeah. Dan: 

And I was like, "Why?" And I don't even know if  you had a good answer. Well, I mean, there is no  

good answer. What is your answer? Because- Vanessa: 

I don't know. Dan: 

I didn't even decide it. Vanessa: 

I think what sold me on the name was not so much  the full name, but I really like the nickname,  

which is Tilly. I think Matilda  in English, it sounds very strong.  

It's not an extremely feminine name, but I feel  like the nickname Tilly is very cute. This is  

a absolutely unknown in the US. It  is so unusual in the US. But it's- 

Dan: To be called Matilda. 

Vanessa: To be called Matilda or Tilly. I think  

in the US on those lists, it was like... Dan: 

It's in 400s. Vanessa: 

Number, 400. It was not popular at all. But in  the UK, Australia, a bunch of Nordic countries,  

it was top 20. I was so surprised. So I don't know  why the US is lagging behind, but we are here- 

Dan: We always are. 

Vanessa: Bring back Matilda and it's a old-fashioned name,  

and our other kids' names are old-fashioned names. Dan: 

Yeah. It definitely fits in with the other names. Vanessa: 

Theodore, Frederick, Matilda. And each name has a  shortened version, Theo, Freddie Tilly. So it fit  

the theme of our family. Dan: 

We like to have big, bold names and then we  chop them up into smaller names that sound cute?  

Although I think I might call her Matilda a lot. Vanessa: 

Yeah. We've been calling her Matilda so far. Dan: 

That that name has grown on me quite a bit  because at first I was like, it's really strong  

to Americans. It sounds really strong, I think. Vanessa: 

Yeah. Dan: 

Although most people we've talked to, they've  been like, "Matilda's so cute. I love it." 

Vanessa: Yeah. It's really- 

Dan: We've gotten really  

good reactions about it, but the more I say it  and the more I hear my kids say it, especially. 

Vanessa: Oh, it's so cute when they say it. 

Dan: Say it when Theo and Freddy say,  

"Oh, how's Matilda in there?" It's very cute.  I think I'm just going to call her Matilda. 

Vanessa: Yeah, we'll see. 

Dan: Or actually her middle name is May. So  

that's actually my grandma's middle name. And so  we decided to take that and call her Matilda May. 

Vanessa: Or Tilly May. 

Dan: Or Tilly May. Yeah. So I'll probably  

call her all of those things. Vanessa: 

All right. Let's go on to our next question.  Waffa has a question about deciding to have a  

third child. She said- Dan: 

Oh dear. Vanessa: 

Many families hesitate before deciding to  have a third child. So was it your case,  

did you have any concerns about deciding to have  a third child? This is a deeper question. Did we  

have any concerns about having a third child? Dan: 

Well, yes, for sure. Both of us hesitated quite a  bit. I hesitated less because in my family growing  

up, there were three of us. So actually it's  exactly the same as my family's going to be.  

So I have one brother and one sister, older  brother, older sister. I'm in the middle. 

Vanessa: Younger sister. 

Dan: Younger sister. And so  

it just seemed natural to me to have three  kids in the family. And so I was into the  

idea. And I would've probably been somewhat  disappointed if we didn't shoot for three. 

Vanessa: Sure. Yeah, we talked about that. 

Dan: But I would've ultimately  

been okay with it because yeah, when you take  out a piece of paper and you start writing down,  

why do I want a third kid? And you're like,  "I don't even know, this is going to be a lot  

more work and we're going to have to have  a minivan forever and stuff like that." 

Vanessa: And you don't have to deal with  

this well, so it's a lot easier for- Dan: 

That's another thing altogether. Vanessa: 

The man to say, "Oh sure, let's have three kids."  And for me, I think there is a lot more hesitation  

and I think rightly so. I want to make sure that  it's a good decision for our family. I definitely  

hesitate more. And I think that that's very normal  considering I have to be pregnant. I have to give  

birth. I have to breastfeed our child. There's  a lot more duties on me and run this business  

and take care of our other children. So there's a  lot of hesitation. But in the end, I think it came  

down to the question of what if we chose not to? Would I feel like I was missing out on the  

unknown? And I think a lot of women  feel this, that when they have  

one kid, maybe they expect that they'll have a  second kid. And then the question of, "Am I done?  

Am I done having children?" That's a big question.  I think a lot of moms that I know feel that really  

strongly, am I done? Can I be okay with being  done having children? How do I feel about that?  

And it's a really tricky question to answer and  very personal. So if you have only two children,  

that can be okay for your family. Our family's  choice doesn't have to be the same for everyone.  

So yeah, it came down to, well, are we missing  out on something? I don't know. Let's see. 

Dan: Were you shooting for a girl  

at all? Did you think about that? Vanessa: 

I did not think about the gender because I feel  like when you decide to have a third child,  

especially if you have two of the same gender  like us. We have two boys. You have to want a  

third child because you're going to get a third  child. It can't be about just boy or just girl. 

Dan: Boy or girl. 

Vanessa: For us,  

it was a very great, happy surprise to have a  girl. But I think I would have been just as happy,  

less surprised. But I think I would've been just  as happy to have a boy because the idea for us was  

will this third child complete our family?  Instead of will this girl complete our  

family? So we'll see what Matilda's  like. I have no idea. I don't know  

if my idea of this completing our family will  be correct if we made a good decision or not. 

Dan: I think it will. That's just me. 

Vanessa: Yeah, we try. 

Dan: Cherry on top. 

Vanessa: Try to have some high  

hopes. All right. Let's go to the next question.  This question's mainly for me, but you're welcome  

to have any input. Dan: 

I'll listen. Vanessa: 

It is from Chelsea and she says, is this pregnancy  different from your pregnancy with the boys?  

Well, you were not pregnant  with any of them, unfortunately. 

Dan: Yes. Very different. 

Vanessa: I would say this  

pregnancy is different, but not because she's a  girl. That's my guess. This pregnancy is different  

because it's my third pregnancy, and that makes  it a lot harder. So my body hurts more. My belly's  

a lot bigger than with them. Just everything  is harder because it's the third pregnancy.  

I don't know if it's the same for everyone. I know  some people have a very smooth, easy pregnancy.  

For me, this pregnancy is very difficult  and I'm very ready for it to be finished.  

So that's pretty much it. Dan: 

Was the morning sickness about the same though? Vanessa: 

Yeah, I'd say morning sickness, which is when  you feel nauseous during the first trimester.  

That was pretty similar. 

Dan: Yeah. 

Vanessa: I think it's just that everything happened  

sooner and my body hurts more in general. Dan: 

I have noted that with every child,  she complains about her body earlier. 

Vanessa: Yes. And I think that that's  

very possible. My body is having a  harder time this time, and that's normal.  

So yeah, anyway, it's different. It's harder,  but not because she's a girl, I think. All right,  

let's go to the next question. Now, this was one  of our most asked questions, and sometimes this  

question can be perceived as rude. But because  I asked my students directly to ask me anything,  

it's okay that they ask this, but I want  you to be careful when you're talking with  

a random person who's pregnant. Do not ask  this, but now it's okay. So for those of  

you who asked me this question, it's okay.  The question is, can you guess what it is? 

Dan: Was she an accident or on purpose? 

Vanessa: That's it. That's one of the... 

Dan: That's the rude way to say it. 

Vanessa: Yeah. So Gloria asked us in a very nice way,  

she said, "Did you plan this baby or was it  a surprise?" Surprise is very positive words. 

Dan: That's a nice way to say it is a surprise. 

Vanessa: So I'd like to explain really quick before  

we answer this, why it can be considered rude.  And it's not really because it's too personal.  

It's more because if you did not plan your  pregnancy and you just got pregnant by accident,  

there's a concern. Maybe for me,  if I got pregnant by accident  

then and someone said, "Is this an accidental  pregnancy?" And I said, "Yes." I might feel like,  

"Oh, they might think I don't love my child." Dan: 

It puts you on the spot. Vanessa: 

It feels like maybe you don't care about  your child as much as someone who plans  

their pregnancy. So I think it can make,  especially the mother feel uncomfortable. But  

for those of you who asked this to us, no  problem. I allowed you to ask any question. 

Dan: 

We don't have a problem with it. Vanessa: 

Answer- Dan: 

Especially because- Vanessa: 

Did we plan this baby? Dan: 

We always plan all children. You cannot be  married to this woman and not have a plan. 

Vanessa: So generally, I'm very careful about... I know  

things could always happen, but I try to be very  careful about planning when we have a baby and  

all of those types of things. I think that that's  important for the family unit. It's Important for  

me. I know that your body and your life is often  unpredictable, but that's just how it went for us.  

The next category is questions about birth and  around the birth time. So our first question is  

from Lucas and he says, "Will you give birth  at home like you did with Theo and Freddie?"  

Quick correction. I gave birth in a birth  center for Theo and Freddie. So it's like  

a home environment, but they have all of the  emergency supplies. Should your baby need oxygen,  

if you hemorrhage and you can't stop bleeding,  they can help you with all of that. And it's  

a very comforting environment. It's not the  hospital, but it's beside the hospital. Anyway,  

it was a beautiful experience. Dan: 

Feels like a bedroom. Vanessa: 

Yeah, it's like a bedroom, a really  nice hotel room. I feel extremely  

lucky that we had that available in our  city, but about a year and a half ago- 

Dan: Now we don't. 

Vanessa: The birth center had to close. There was just  

insurance problems. It was really a big  shame. I know the US doesn't have a good  

healthcare reputation, and this is one of the  problems. So the birth center closed down and  

I needed to find an alternative. And we had two  options. One was to go to the hospital and one  

was to have a home birth because I already  had two very smooth, pretty straightforward- 

Dan: Successful. 

Vanessa: Successful, simple births. And I  

feel very lucky about that. I know a lot of people  have scary birth stories, but for me it was really  

empowering and great, not fun, but certainly a  positive experience, overall. I felt comfortable  

not giving birth in the hospital. So I interviewed  a couple midwives who come to your house and help  

you as you're giving birth. And we found one that  we really liked. So I've been having appointments  

with her. It's just like normal, really. She takes  my blood, she does various tests, all of those  

types of things. And when she comes to the house  when I'm in labor, she said she has three gigantic  

bags of all of the emergency supplies and anything  that she might need to help me or the baby.  

And yeah, we'll see what happens. Dan: 

She seems very capable. Vanessa: 

Yeah, very capable, very- Dan: 

She's delivered thousands of babies. Vanessa: 

And I think because I've given birth before,  

I feel more comfortable with the experience  in general. So yeah, that's what we're  

going to do. We'll let you know how it turns out.  

All right, the next question could be more for  both of us. And a lot of people ask this. Carmen,  

Michelle, Evangelina and Ophelia asked, "Do you  think Freddie and Theo will be jealous of their  

little sister?" What do you think? Dan: 

I don't think so. No. Vanessa: 

Okay. Dan: 

I think they're going to be just very excited to  see her and be with her. And I think they won't  

be jealous. I think they might get frustrated if  we're doing something with her and they want to  

play with us or talk to us or something. Vanessa: 

That's part of jealousy though. I think  that's how kids can express jealousy in a way. 

Dan: Oh, okay. 

Vanessa: Is extra anger, extra frustration. 

Dan: They're just like that now  

anyways. If we're doing something and they want  our attention, they're going to be upset about it.  

jealousy. I don't think so. Vanessa: 

No, they've think so really positively to other  babies. And whenever we talk about Matilda, it's  

funny because you know how as adults, whenever  we're near babies, your voice goes up like, "Oh,  

little baby." You create this baby voice.  Our kids do that too. They'll say, "Oh,  

I wonder if Matilda's going to have little cute  fingers." And they have that voice too. So you  

can tell that they are expecting her to be a cute  little play thing. I think it will become harder  

as she gets older and starts grabbing their  things. It's always growing pains. But yeah,  

I feel like in general it'll be okay. Dan: 

Yeah. And I associate jealousy behavior  with something like hitting the baby because  

they're upset. Vanessa: 

Aggressive? Dan: 

Mommy's holding the baby. I don't  think they're going to be like that. 

Vanessa: In general, what I've found is that  

having a newborn is okay. Having a three-year-old  is the problem. So I expect that the very age  

appropriate three-year-old tantrums that our  three-year-old is experiencing now will also  

happen later. And it will just be harder for us  because we also will have a small baby to care  

for. So I don't really expect it will be that  much more, but it will just continue and we'll  

have more responsibilities, which will make it  trickier for us. So yeah, that's the idea. We'll  

see. All right, Anna, [inaudible 00:17:27], and  Olindo had a similar type of question. Will you  

have some help with the kids after she's  born? Olinda specifically asked about the  

role of grandparents because he's a grandfather.  So he helps to take care of his grandkids, takes  

them to sports games. And this is specifically  about after birth, but they asked, "Is it normal  

to have help with your kids, either paid help or  grandparent help after the baby's born?" So yeah,  

what will we do? Do we know? Dan: 

I believe my mom will be here for a while. Vanessa: 

We'll see how long a while is. Dan: 

I don't think this is set in stone yet. Vanessa: 

It's not. Dan: 

Yeah. Vanessa: 

So because we're going to be,  because we have other children,  

even if we weren't giving birth at home, even  if it were at a hospital or birth center,  

you still need someone to take care of your kids  while you're gone. So Dan's mom's going to come  

during the birth and probably the next day. With  Theo and Freddy, with Theo, our oldest child,  

she stayed for two weeks and then with Freddy, she  stayed less time. But in the end, I'm not exactly  

sure what will happen this time. But we do have  several babysitters who help in our daily lives  

now so that I can film these videos and do my job- Dan: 

And be sane. Vanessa: 

And be sane. Everyone needs help in their life.  So they will also be coming to be with our oldest  

children and we'll be with the baby. So it's  perfect timing because she'll be born at the  

beginning of June. We didn't mention she's  going to be born at the beginning of June. 

Dan: Oh yeah. 

Vanessa: We don't know when,  

but sometimes the beginning of June. Dan: 

Maybe May. Vanessa: 

And Dan works at a school, so school will be  out, which is perfect because we will both be  

home all summer. So for me, I feel like we can  care for me and the baby. And then if someone  

helps to care for Theo and Freddy, that would be  great. Obviously we'll still spend time with them,  

but I think I am less worried about someone  caring for the baby. And if you can take  

care of me and I take care of her and someone  else takes care of them, we'll be good. Right? 

Dan: Right. 

Vanessa: We're basically asking  

all of our friends and family to... We don't  really need baby stuff, so we're asking them,  

"If you want to give us something, please give  us food. Please make a meal and we can put it in  

our freezer." I think that's the perfect gift.  So I think we will be taken care of. I hope.  

Along with the idea of help and getting help,  Sharon and Valentina had an interesting question  

that shows how not American this is. Is it  expensive to have a baby in the US and will you  

receive a government subsidy for a newborn baby? That's what I laughed at.  

So my first thought, and then you can say  something about this. My first thought was  

if you are already receiving government subsidies,  maybe you are on welfare or you get food stamps  

or something like that. You will receive some  care, some extra subsidy or something to help you  

pay for baby food or something like that. Dan: 

You have to be under a certain income level. Vanessa: 

Yeah, if you're already receiving that, you  might get something also for your baby. But for  

most people, the government doesn't  care if you have a baby or not. 

Dan: Well, you count them on your taxes  

and you probably pay less taxes. Vanessa: 

There's a little bit less taxes because you  have... For each child, but it's not much. Yeah,  

it's not worth it. Dan: 

The certainly don't give you money. Vanessa: 

No. And they don't give... I know some countries- Dan: 

They don't give you a time  off or anything like that. 

Vanessa: Yeah, no time off. They won't  

give you a package. I know some countries give a  baby package to every new family and you get...  

It's kind of famous, I think in Norway where they  give you a baby box and the baby box is big enough  

to be a crib for a newborn and they have towels  and swaddles and bottles and tons of stuff for a  

baby. And I don't know, that would be amazing if  someone wants to send us that. But the government  

does not do that. Dan: 

No. Our government's more  interested in making bombs. 

Vanessa: That's the truth of the matter.  

So the first question was, is it  expensive to have a baby in the US?  

It depends what you think about money. Dan: 

Yeah, it depends on... I don't know. We've just  always really worked into our budget, child stuff.  

I don't think it's incredibly expensive. Vanessa: 

So I know a couple different costs. The first  one is Americans pay health insurance monthly.  

And that's around... I wouldn't say at the  moment, it's specifically a requirement,  

but almost everybody has some health  insurance. And usually your company,  

if you work full-time, will pay 50% of the  healthcare or the health insurance monthly  

costs. So if you work for a company, your health  insurance is much cheaper than someone like us. 

Dan: We're not the best people to  

ask because we're self-employed. Vanessa: 

Oh, and you get the short end of the stick.  Let me tell you why. Yeah. You got to pay the  

full price of health insurance. You have to find  your own health insurance independently. Not fun. 

Dan: It's expensive. Yeah. I mean,  

America is not known for cheap healthcare. Vanessa: 

No. Yeah, in general, I would say if you work  for a company, you might pay a hundred dollars  

a month in health insurance. If you work  for yourself, you might pay between 500 and  

a thousand dollars per month in health insurance.  So thinking about that, that is part of the cost.  

When we went to the birth center and for  this home birth midwife that we're paying,  

the cost is about $6,000. So our health insurance  we pay a lot for per month. We will get reimbursed  

a big chunk of that, over 50% of that, we will  get reimbursed if you have a hospital birth... I  

know some friends have had a hospital birth, they  had a C-section and they did not have insurance,  

and it cost $10,000, which is a lot of money. Dan: 

It's less than I would've expected. Vanessa: 

But that's what I thought. Yeah, I  thought it would be like a hundred  

thousand dollars. Dan: 

Well... Vanessa: 

And usually the hospital gives you some kind  of payment plan, so you could pay a hundred  

dollars every month for the rest of your life  or something like that. So that's the cost that  

I know. I know some people who have... I don't  know how expensive their insurance is monthly,  

but their whole birth was like $25. But maybe  they're paying $500 a month in insurance. 

Dan: Or more. 

Vanessa: They're more or more, so it's hard  

to say exactly. It's a very complicated question.  But if you plan on having a baby in the US,  

save some money. Save some money, and yeah,  just check with your insurance company. I  

know some insurance companies like ours,  you can't start a new insurance company  

if you're already pregnant. Okay. Are we ready to move on to  

our next question? Dan: 

I think we should. Vanessa: 

Okay. The next question is also a  new category. We just talked about  

pregnancy, then we talked about birth and  around the birth time. Next is our life with  

three children. So we have a lot of people who  asked the same question. Maggie, Amery, Melody,  

and Lizzie all asked, dun, dun, duh. "Do you want  to have another baby after Matilda?" First of all,  

never ask a seven month, eight month pregnant  woman. If she wants another baby, that's okay.  

I'm just saying that as a joke. But yeah. Dan: 

Don't ask her to her face. Vanessa: 

Oh, let's answer together on three. Are you ready? Dan: 

Okay. Vanessa: 

Three, two, one. No. Dan: 

No. Vanessa: 

So this is it. I think I will do everything in my  power and so will Dan to make sure that this is  

it. Our family is done. Dan: 

Yeah, three feels perfect to me. I mean,  obviously I grew up with two siblings, so  

it makes sense. And I know it was already quite a  push for you to go with three. So four is a bit... 

Vanessa: If we- 

Dan: As close to out of the  

question as possible. Vanessa: 

So the underlying feature here is if I said in  the future that, "Oh, guess what, we're having a  

fourth baby." You'll know it was not planned. Dan: 

That one is next. Vanessa: 

Yes. So I think three is good.  My baby, my belly and my body  

is suffering a lot. So we'll stop it here. Dan: 

She can finally recuperate after this. Vanessa: 

Yes, it would be great to say, "Okay, now my body  is mine, kind of. I still have at least another  

year of taking care of a baby with my body. But  the idea that I can go to the gym, I can work out,  

I can try to repair my body, all of these things,  and that's it. I'm not going to get pregnant again  

and then have to go through all that again. All  right, the next one is also a big question and a  

lot of people asked it, Ella Eleanora, Jeff, Anna  and Claudia all asked, "How in the world will you  

arrange your day between your professional duties,  housekeeping, and your three beautiful children?"  

I don't know. Dan: 

Lots of... Well, babysitters are pretty key. We  could have a nanny, honestly, but we have good  

babysitters already. Vanessa: 

As far as childcare, our oldest will be going  to first grade. He's in kindergarten this year.  

He'll be going to first grade. Our second,  he's three, he will be going to preschool  

and that's nine o'clock to  one o'clock, four days a week.  

And the baby will be with me and Dan  will be working at our oldest's school. 

Dan: Our oldest son's school. 

Vanessa: So he has the same hours, the same vacations. 

Dan: I take him to school, all that. 

Vanessa: You help to commute  

him to school. So that's a good puzzle  piece in our life. As far as childcare,  

I think the hard time comes when children are  sick. You just have mad chaos no matter what. But  

so that's for childcare, I feel like when- Dan: 

That's also the time you work. Vanessa: 

Yeah. When Matilda is young, really young,  she'll nap a lot. And I plan to just  

lower my standards. I'll still film YouTube  videos. I'll still be active in my business,  

but I'm not going to be making a ton of new  courses and lots of new stuff over the next year. 

Dan: She always does that. 

Vanessa: I always do, that's  

true. But I do have a lot of help in my business,  in Speak English with Vanessa. There's about 10  

or so people who participate in helping make this  business run. Help to edit videos, help to answer- 

Dan: She's got a real team now. 

Vanessa: Student questions. All of this, whether  

you know it or not, there's a lot of work that  goes into making this run. So it's not just me.  

And I think that due to other people helping, it  will continue. Right now, I am working very hard  

to prepare for the next six months. So I would  love to... I'm filming a lot of YouTube videos,  

like four months worth of YouTube videos.  I have a lot of things prepared in advance,  

and a lot of the people who are working for the  business are also preparing for a maternity leave. 

I'm still going to be doing something,  but it's not going to be as busy. And  

it's a good thing when you get pregnant, you have  nine months to prepare. So I'm using this time to  

prepare for the business. And I'm sure at some  point Matilda will be taking less naps, she'll  

be sleeping less, and I'll need to have someone  come a couple mornings a week to watch her so that  

I can do my business, which is what we do now. But  I think at the beginning we'll just take it slow,  

see how it goes. Dan: 

We'll have some time, especially early on,  to just be with our family. Build a new  

relationship with this child, and then  after that we'll have help via babysitters. 

Vanessa: Yeah. One of the parts  

of this is as I said professional duties,  three beautiful children and housekeeping. 

Dan: Oh. 

Vanessa: Yeah. That's why we have Dan. 

Dan: Who does that. Yeah,  

right now I'm the housekeeper. Vanessa: 

Yeah. So at the moment, Dan  does everything for the house,  

and that's a halfway through pregnancy into  the future. Who knows? Maybe Dan will always  

do all the household chores, probably not. But  I think that's really useful to try to help each  

other out when you can. Especially when having  a third child having a business. Both of us are  

working part-time, but also full-time, and there's  a lot going on in our lives. You just need to be  

there for each other really. Which- Dan: 

At least we have the robot. Vanessa: 

Oh yeah. And we have- Dan: 

Robo vac, I mean. Vanessa: 

10 robots who also live in our house and do  everything. Just kidding. Talking about us though.  

We have one bonus question, but before we get to  the bonus question. Edita has a question about us.  

She said, how can you keep up your relationship  with each other when you have three children? 

Dan: We don't know yet. 

Vanessa: No. How do you do it when you  

have one child or two children? Dan: 

Well, anytime you have a toddler in the house,  it gets pretty difficult, let's put it that way. 

Vanessa: Yeah. I feel like- 

Dan: Because by the end of the day,  

you're like, "I'm done." Vanessa: 

I'm so tired. Dan: 

We don't have time to work out our problems.  It's like, "Can I just pass out now?" 

Vanessa: Yeah. I think anyone who has kids period  

realizes that there's a big extra effort that you  have to put into your relationship to just find  

the energy for each other. And I think we try to  do that. We don't always succeed, but yeah. Trying  

to find some time for each other is good. Dan: 

A big thing for us is that we have a  couple's therapist that we see every  

week or every other week or so. And so that  really helps us check in with each other. And  

having a middle man there really helps being  like, "Hey, how do I really feel right now?" 

Vanessa: So highly recommend talking  

with a couple's therapist for anyone who is in a  relationship. You don't have to be on the brink of  

divorce to go see a therapist. Dan: 

You don't have to wait till then. Vanessa: 

No. Do not wait till then. I know when we  started meeting with him, we were like, "Yeah,  

our relationship has normal problems, but it's not  disastrous." And it's been so helpful for us. You  

don't have to be- Dan: 

It's very eye-opening. Vanessa: 

At the very end of your relationship to do  that. So I think that's been... It's helped  

us to understand each other better. And also  all of these big life changes. It's like a  

teacher. You have a teacher guiding you through  that, because I don't know, we don't really live  

in a culture where you have great-grandparents  and grandparents and parents all living together  

helping with your life a lot and teaching you  about how to do different things. So having  

a professional give you some insight and ask  the hard questions. Yeah, that's been really  

helpful for us. Dan: 

Yeah. Vanessa: 

So yeah, highly recommend. Dan: 

We also occasionally go on a date. Vanessa: 

Yeah, I think whenever we get a chance  to go out to lunch or drop the children  

off at Dan's parent's house for a couple  days. We're going to do that next week. 

Dan: Yes. 

Vanessa: And it feels so  

refreshing. And I think just try to take those  chances when you can. Don't feel guilty about  

enjoying spending time away from your children.  First of all, your children need other people in  

their lives, not just you. They need grandparents.  They need babysitters. They need a community, not  

just their parents. So it's good for us, but it's  also good for them, I think, too. All right. We  

have one final question. It is a bonus question. Dan: 

Ooh bonus. Vanessa: 

Are you ready? Yes. All right. Well, we've  talked a lot about our experiences and our  

lives. But Ava has a great question. Ava says,  "Do you have any recommendations for someone  

who's pregnant for the first time?" Well,  we are not the world's foremost experts, but  

we've gone through this a couple times. Dan: 

Yeah. Vanessa: 

What would you say? Dan: 

I think you're an expert. Vanessa: 

At this point. If you've gone through  pregnancy one time, all of a sudden  

you have so much more experience. And  then two times, and then three times. 

Dan: Well, does she mean actually  

the pregnancy part or? Vanessa: 

Yeah, I would say- Dan: 

Because, you're a better person to answer- Vanessa: 

Pregnancy. The mindset, your relationship, all of  that stuff. I think we could take this question  

in many directions. Dan: 

Yeah. Well, I hope that you have time to spend  with your partner for one. I hope the partner  

is there. That's pretty key. Having somebody  who's really your support person is extremely  

important. So even if the partner's not in the  picture, then you're going to need somebody. 

Vanessa: Yeah. 

Dan: Who's super committed to  

being with you during that time. Vanessa: 

I think that's a good starting place is having...  Well, if you're already pregnant is too late.  

But choosing- Dan: 

Let's turn the chapter back a little bit.  Find the right person to get pregnant with. 

Vanessa: Choosing someone who you  

like and having kids with them. I know when one  of my friends was thinking about having a baby,  

she's like, "I just don't know when the right  time is." And I was like, "Yeah, maybe there's  

some times that are better than other times. But  the biggest question is. Is he the right person?" 

Dan: Yeah. 

Vanessa: Because it's never  

going to be a perfect time to get pregnant, but if  you're with the person that you want to be with,  

in the end, it will work out. Yes.  Sometimes we'll be harder than others,  

but I think the first question is who?  And I would say the second thing is  

a lot of people, a lot of women who are pregnant  for the first time, it's very normal. I was like  

this too. Do a lot of research and feel a lot more  anxious about their first child, especially for  

us, compared to number two and number three. It's not that they are neglected,  

it's just you're more realistic about  what your life is going to be like.  

So I would say talk to other people who have two  or three children or more when you're pregnant  

with your first child. Because I think it helps to  give some perspective when you're worried about,  

well, is this type of dish or washing detergent? I  know new mothers sometimes think I need to wash my  

baby's clothes and this specific type of soap  or this, those little things that can really  

stress you out. Talking to someone who's had  more children just chit-chatting with them. Or  

even if I know there's some great YouTube channels  of parents who have 11 children, don't look at  

the crazy ones. Look at people who seem pretty  normal, still. And it can be really grounding  

to see their advice where we are thinking about,  "Oh, okay, we have two boys and then a baby girl." 

Are they all going to sleep in the same room? What  are they going to do? We have three kids. So we  

have a lot of experience. But when you hear about  someone who has six or seven children and you see  

their life living situations, it helps give  you more perspective. So you feel not anxious  

about everything. There's some things that are  worth spending a lot of time on, but in general,  

I think that can help give you good perspective.  A little tip that I am just learning now. 

Dan: Oh, is a little late. 

Vanessa: A little late, but it's not too late yet.  

There's a very interesting book called The Fourth  Trimester. And a lot of talk when you have a baby  

is how to take care of the baby. What do you do  with the baby? But a lot of the focus goes off  

of you when you're pregnant. It's like, "Oh,  your belly. Oh, the mom, mom, mom." But then  

when you have the baby, a lot of the focus is on  the baby. So this book focuses on how to take care  

of yourself. And I guess the spoiler is that you  don't take care of yourself. You have other people  

helping to take care of you, and you set up your- Dan: 

You need your pamper people. Vanessa: 

Yes. You set up your life so that the first  couple months after birth, you are taken care of  

because it can be a really big shock. It is going  to be a big shock starting your life as a mother.  

And so I think this book would be extremely  helpful to a third time mother or a first  

time mother. To help you be able to be your  best self so that you can come out of the  

first three months of having a baby and  you feel stronger. You feel more capable,  

and you feel like ready for starting that new part  of your life. Or I feel like that book would've  

been very helpful to me. Maybe you live in a  culture that really takes care of new mothers.  

We don't. So I think the ideas in this book were  really helpful to me. So anyway, that's my advice. 

Dan: I think I have another tip. 

Vanessa: Oh, okay. 

Dan: First time mother. Yeah. You  

should go to a birth class. Vanessa: 

Definitely. Dan: 

Yeah. Because we went to a class together that- 

Vanessa: Go together. Yes. 

Dan: Make sure you bring your partner,  

your support person. Vanessa: 

Yes. Dan: 

And yeah, they just went over all the different  things you can do to not basically freak out and  

help the person through it. What all the different  signs are during the labor so you're not totally  

surprised. And I probably need a refresher last  time with Freddy, our second child, I just read  

the paper over and I was like, "Oh yeah, those are  the good tips." And so I was more prepared with- 

Vanessa: And he just came so fast that  

there's no time to think. Dan: 

Yeah. But with your first, it will probably take  a lot longer. So it's good to be very prepared,  

especially the husbands out there, or partners of  various shapes and sizes and forms. Take a birth  

class with your wife or partner. Vanessa: 

Yeah. Dan: 

And yeah, you need to be prepared too. Vanessa: 

I think that sets you up for the birth, but it  sets you up for being parents together. Because  

a lot of moms will have a pregnancy app on their  phone. I remember the first day of that pregnancy  

or the birth class. The teacher asked us, "So  who has a pregnancy app on your phone? All  

of the women raise their hands." And they said,  "Okay guys, which one of you have a pregnancy app  

on your phone?" And none of the men raise their  hands? So if you're the one who's not pregnant,  

doing a birth class together, or just even having  a day where you go over some birth articles or  

watch a couple birth videos together, those types  of things. It sets you up to be partners with your  

baby. It's not just the mom's duty. There's a lot  that is on the mom that the mom has to do and the  

other person can't do. But in general, that  mindset that you're in this together is really  

important. So yeah, that was a good tip. Dan: 

Thank you. Vanessa: 

Thank you everyone. Well, thank you so  much for asking your pressing questions  

about our third baby. If you enjoyed this  conversation, we did have a conversation  

about polite and rude questions that you  can ask someone who's pregnant when I was  

pregnant with my first child six years ago.  And you can watch that video up here. And  

that will just expand your cultural  knowledge, but also vocabulary about  

talking about babies in pregnancy in English.  Well, thank you so much, Dan, for joining me. 

Dan: You're welcome. 

Vanessa: I really appreciate it. I hope you enjoyed  

our spontaneous conversation. A lot came up a lot  of great vocabulary and ideas, and I hope that you  

could expand your English knowledge, like always.  You are welcome to download the free PDF worksheet  

that goes along with this conversation. All of the  vocabulary, ideas, sample sentences, anything that  

came up, you can download in that free worksheet.  It is our gift to you to help you be able to  

empower yourself with English and birth. Dan: 

Yes. Vanessa: 

Well, thanks so much for  learning English with me and Dan. 

Dan: And me. 

Vanessa: And we'll see you again next Friday for a  

new lesson here on my YouTube channel. Bye. Dan: 

Bye. Vanessa: 

But wait, do you want more? I recommend  watching this video next. Which is the  

one I just mentioned, where you will learn the  top polite and rude questions that you should  

never ask someone who's pregnant. Make sure  that you are polite and you are kind to the  

people around you. Watch that video to find  out what they are and I'll see you there.