Top 15 Jokes in English: Can you understand them?

Vanessa: Hi, I am  

Vanessa from SpeakEnglishWithVanessa.com.  Why is that funny? Let's talk about it. 

Do you understand jokes in English? Have you  ever watched an English TV show and people  

were laughing and you thought, "What's funny? Why  are they laughing?" As I mentioned in my video,  

English Fluency Test, when you are sitting  down at a dinner table and people are  

speaking in English and telling jokes and  laughing, and you can understand them,  

you are fluent. You might not  think the jokes are funny,  

but you can understand why they're supposed to be  funny. That's great. That is a sign of fluency. 

A lot of jokes in English are puns or plays on  words. This means that there are two words that  

sound similar, and we make a joke about those  words that sound similar. This takes a really  

advanced level of English vocabulary and sometimes  even culture. So, today I want to help you learn  

15 silly, clever, and sometimes  strange jokes in English. 

Yes, you will learn the jokes, but more  importantly, you will learn vocabulary,  

and also about the American culture that is  included in some of these jokes. Sometimes,  

these plays on words are called dad jokes. That's  because they are very silly and, stereotypically,  

dads use these kinds of jokes and their children  go, "Ha, ha, ha, Dad, you're so funny." It's a  

little funny. Maybe it's more just silly. So, today I have asked my husband, Dan,  

who is a dad, we have two children, to read these  jokes. We'll first listen to him say these jokes,  

and then I will explain them to you. I  hope that they will become clear and your  

vocabulary will grow step-by-step.  Let's get started with the first one. 

Dan: Did you know  

the first French fries weren't actually cooked  in France? They were cooked in grease. Did you  

know the first French fries weren't actually  cooked in France? They were cooked in grease. 

Vanessa: Why is this a joke? There are two countries,  

France and Greece, but the joke here is about the  word, grease. In English, grease is two things.  

It could be a country, the country of Greece,  or it can be oil. We say that French fries,  

potato chips, these types of foods are greasy or  oily. So, in this joke, we are expecting that the  

listener understands both of those meanings of  the word, grease. We cook French fries in oil or  

in grease, not the country, but the type of oil. Do you get the idea about these jokes, these puns,  

or plays on words? They really expect you to  be able to have an advanced level of knowing  

different vocabularies and different ideas that  sound the same. We're going to listen to Dan,  

my husband, say that joke again, and I hope that  this time you'll understand it. Let's watch. 

Dan: Did you  

know the first French fries weren't actually  cooked in France? They were cooked in grease. 

Vanessa: Did you get it? All right,  

let's go to joke number two. Dan: 

Hey, I'm reading a book about antigravity. It's  impossible to put down. Hey, I'm reading a book  

about antigravity. It's impossible to put down. Vanessa: 

Why is this a joke? The joke is about the phrasal  verb, to put down. We can use this figuratively or  

literally. Literally, to put something down  means that you are setting it on a surface,  

maybe to put something on a table,  to put the book down on the table. 

But what is this book about? Antigravity.  So, it's a little bit of a joke here about  

the subject of the book. But there is a second  meaning for to put down a book. When we say,  

"I loved that book so much, I couldn't put it  down," it means that I couldn't stop reading it.  

So, this is a common phrasal verb that we use for  reading. I love this book. I couldn't put it down.  

That means I didn't want to stop. But here, the  clever joke is that the book is about antigravity,  

which means it's impossible to set something on a  surface with no gravity. So, the joke is about the  

figurative or literal use of this phrasal verb, to  put down. Let's watch Dan say this joke one more  

time, and I hope you'll enjoy it. Let's watch. Dan: 

Hey, I'm reading a book about  antigravity. It's impossible to put down. 

Vanessa: Did you get it?  

I hope so. Let's go on to our third joke. Dan: 

Why did the man fall down the well? Because he  couldn't see that well. Why did the man fall down  

the well? Because he couldn't see that well. Vanessa: 

Do you know what a well is? That is essential for  understanding this joke. A well is a deep hole  

where you can get water from. So, our ancestors  most likely had a well on their farm or somewhere  

in their village and they would take a bucket and  lower it into the well and get some water. So,  

at the beginning of this joke, it says, "Why did  the man fall down the well?" This is the literal  

kind of well, where you get water. He fell down  the well. And the answer is because he couldn't  

see that well. Well, the joke here is about the  final part of this phrase, to see that well. 

We can use this literally to mean he couldn't  visually, maybe he's blind, maybe there was some  

leaves covering the hole and he fell down into  it, he couldn't see that well. He couldn't see  

the well that was there. But, we can use  this figuratively as well. If you say,  

"I can't see that well," it means my vision is  poor. I have poor vision. I can't see that well.  

I need to wear glasses. I can't see that well.  This is the joke here. Talking about a well  

where you can get water and well to mean good.  I can't see that good, or I can't see that well,  

or I can't see that well, the hole in the ground.  All right, let's listen to Dan say this joke one  

more time. Dan: 

Why did the man fall down the well?  Because he couldn't see that well. 

Vanessa: Did you get it? I hope so.  

Let's go on to our fourth joke. Dan: 

Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything  on the web. Why are spiders so smart? They can  

find everything on the web. Vanessa: 

What's so funny about this joke? Well, what  is a spider's home? It is a spider's web.  

But there are two meanings of web. The first  one is a spider's home. It's a spider web. So,  

the spider is on its web. It knows all of  the flies and all of the things that are  

on its web. But the second meaning  of web is what makes this joke funny. 

Do you know what WWW stands for? World Wide  Web. This is another way to say the internet.  

On the web is kind of a casual or slang way to  say on the internet. If someone asks, "How did  

you learn English?" You might say, "On the web  with Vanessa." That means online with Vanessa.  

So, it's using this dual meaning of web.  A spider knows everything about its home,  

about its web, but it also learned a  lot of information on the internet,  

on the web. Let's listen to Dan say this one  more time, and then we'll go to the next joke. 

Dan: Why are spiders so smart? They  

can find everything on the web. Vanessa: 

Did you get it? Let's go to the next  one about a scarecrow. Let's listen. 

Dan: Why did the scarecrow win an award?  

He was outstanding in his field.  Why did the scarecrow win an award?  

He was outstanding in his field. Vanessa: 

In case you didn't know, it's essential  for this joke, this is a scarecrow.  

It's usually in the middle of a farmer's field  to scare away birds or some other kind of thing  

that's going to hurt the crops. Well, the joke  here is not necessarily about the word scarecrow,  

but it's about what the scarecrow does. Where is the scarecrow? It is standing  

in the field. But sometimes we use an extra  word to say, "Oh, I'm out in my car. I'm out  

standing in that field. I'm out somewhere," to  say, "I am not at home. I am away somewhere." And  

that's what this joke says. He was out standing  in the field. That's what the scarecrow was doing. 

But the joke here is about another meaning  for the word out standing. In the joke,  

you see it as two words. He was out, out of the  house. He was out standing in the field. But if  

we put that together, he was outstanding. This  means amazing. He was outstanding. You are an  

outstanding student. He was outstanding in  the field or in his field. Field also has a  

double meaning. It could be a place where  you grow wheat or you grow corn, a field,  

or it can be your career. The medical field. The  educational field. This is the general term for  

where you work. So, if you are outstanding in  the medical field, that means you are an amazing  

researcher or an amazing doctor. You are amazing  in your field. And that's what the scarecrow is.  

He is outstanding in the field. Very silly.  All right, let's watch Dan say this again. 

Dan: Why did the scarecrow win an award?  

He was outstanding in his field. Vanessa: 

Did you get it? I hope so.  Let's go to our next joke. 

Dan: Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?  

It was too tired. Why couldn't the bicycle  stand up by itself? It was too tired. 

Vanessa: Do you know this double meaning,  

too tired? You might know that in English, there  are three different ways to spell to, T-O, T-O-O,  

and T-W-O. They all have different meanings  and they're used grammatically different in  

sentences. And that's what's happening here.  We're making a play on words on this expression,  

too tired. How many wheels  or tires does a bike have?  

Two. So, that's one meaning. The bike has two  tires. But is there another meaning for the word,  

tired? Yep. It means that you have no energy.  You are maybe sleepy or exhausted. Oh, I am  

too tired to do any more work. Aha. And that's  what's happening here. The bike can't stand up  

because it only has two tires or two wheels, and  also because it's so exhausted. It's so sleepy.  

It's too tired. Very silly. This is a pun or a  play on words. All right, let's watch Dan say it  

one more time. Dan: 

Why couldn't the bicycle stand  up by itself? It was too tired. 

Vanessa: Did you get it? I hope so. Let's  

go on to joke number seven. Dan: 

My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now,  his business is toast. My friend's bakery burned  

down last night. Now, his business is toast. Vanessa: 

There's one important thing at the beginning  of this joke. What burned down? It wasn't  

a fire department. It wasn't a house. It wasn't  an office. It was a bakery. A bakery sells what?  

Bread, and pastries, and these types of  things. And after the bakery burned down,  

her business is toast. Do you know what  toast is? This is the key to this joke  

because there are two meanings for the word,  toast. The first one is warm, crispy bread.  

You could cut a slice of bread and put it in the  toaster, and the bread will have some brown marks  

on it and it will be warm and toasty. You can  put some butter on it. It's great. This is toast. 

But there is a more figurative meaning for  toast as well. That second meaning means  

ruined. For example, you might say, "When  my mom finds out that I broke that window,  

I'm toast." That means my life is ruined. I will  be in so much trouble when my mom finds out that I  

broke that window. Oh, I'm toast. This is the same  for the business because the business burned down.  

She can't have a business anymore. So, her  business is toast. But it's also funny because  

she sells bread, and this is the crispy warm,  toasted bread. Little silly, huh? All right,  

let's listen to Dan say this one more time. Dan: 

My friend's bakery burned down last  night. Now, his business is toast. 

Vanessa: Did you get it? The business is  

toast. Let's go on to our eighth joke. Dan: 

What does a nosy pepper do? It gets jalapeno  business. What does a nosy pepper do?  

It gets jalapeno business. Vanessa: 

All right. This joke is starting to get a little  more advanced. You need to know two things or  

rather, three things, to understand this joke. The  first is the word, nosy. If I say, "My neighbor  

is so nosy," would you know what that means? It  means that she's always looking out her windows  

and seeing, oh, Vanessa drove away in her car.  I wonder where she's going? She didn't go with  

her children. Where is she going? This means that  they are too curious. This is very annoying. When  

someone asks too many questions and it kind of  gets your nerves, they're too nosy. So, that's the  

first part. And we have a nosy pepper. This is a  type of food, usually spicy, sometimes not, like a  

bell pepper, but this is a type of food, the nosy  pepper. But our key to this joke is the ending. 

A jalapeno is a really spicy pepper. This pepper  is really common in the US and we use it in  

salsas, in different types of Mexican dishes, a  jalapeno. So, we say it gets jalapeno business.  

Why are we saying it gets spicy pepper business?  Well, you need to have a deep knowledge of casual  

slang in English. This also, the word jalapeno,  also sounds like all up in your business. It gets  

all up in your business. This phrase to get all up  in your business means to be nosy. My neighbor is  

always getting all up in my business. It doesn't  mean my work, my business. It just means my life.  

She is too nosy. She's asking too many  questions. She's always getting all up  

in my business and I just want some space. I want  some privacy. Stop getting all up in my business. 

This is a very casual expression, so  we sometimes say this with attitude,  

especially when we're telling someone, "Step back,  don't get all up in my business." You might say  

this with a little attitude, and that's kind of  what's happening in this joke when it says, it  

gets all up in your business, jalapeno business.  All up in your business, jalapeno business.  

These jokes can be quite deep.  Right? And without this knowledge of  

casual expressions of hot peppers, you  might not understand why it's funny. So,  

that's why I'm here to help you. All right,  let's listen to Dan say this one more time. 

Dan: What does a nosy pepper do?  

It gets jalapeno business. Vanessa: 

Did you get it? Let's go to joke  number nine about stairs. Let's listen. 

Dan: I don't trust  

stairs. They're always up to something. I don't  trust stairs. They're always up to something. 

Vanessa: Do you know what stairs are? It's what  

you use to go up to the second floor or the third  floor of a building. You need to go up the stairs.  

And the joke here is about the expression, to go  up to something or to be up to something. When you  

are walking up the stairs, you are going up to the  second floor. You are going up to the third floor.  

Of course, when you go up the stairs, there is  something up there. It's not stairs leading to  

nowhere, just to empty space. No, there is another  level of the building or another level of your  

house up there. Of course, there's something up  there. So, to go up to something means to move  

up. But the second figurative meaning of this  is what makes this joke funny. The expression,  

to be up to something, means that you are  doing something sneaky, to be up to something. 

So, if you are a parent and you see your two  children whispering, and they're looking in  

the kitchen, you think, "Ugh, what are they up  to? They are up to something." That means they  

have a clever plan. They are trying to be  sneaky. And then you see them trying to go  

into the cupboard and eat some cookies. This  was their plan, to try to secretly eat some  

more cookies. They were trying to be sneaky.  And we use that expression, up to something.  

They're up to something. Sometimes we say, they  are up to no good. Because usually when you are  

up to something, it means that something that  you're doing is bad, or risky, or not allowed,  

forbidden. So, you're up to something.  Hmm. And that's what's happening here.  

It's a clever joke about stairs. Of course they  lead somewhere. They go up to the second floor,  

but I don't trust stairs because they have a  sneaky plan. They are planning something. I don't  

trust them. They are up to something. All right,  let's listen to Dan say this joke one more time. 

Dan: I don't trust  

stairs. They're always up to something. Vanessa: 

Did you get it? All right, let's  go to our 10th joke about a  

train. Dan: 

What do you call a train carrying bubblegum?  A choo choo train. What do you call a train  

carrying bubblegum? A choo choo train Vanessa: 

Compared to our previous joke, this  joke is a little bit more simple.  

A choo choo train. Do you know what you  do when you put bubble gum in your mouth?  

You chew the gum. That's the  action. I am chewing the gum.  

But we also have a sound or a word for the  sound a train makes. When a train is going  

choo choo, this is the sound of the whistle of  a train. Choo choo, which is also the same as  

to chew something. So, here is the joke.  The difference between chewing bubble gum  

and the sound a train makes, choo choo. Great.  I hope you got it. Let's listen to Dan say it. 

Dan: What do you call a train  

carrying bubblegum? A choo choo train. Vanessa: 

Did you get it? I hope so. Let's  go to our 11th joke about ducks. 

Dan: What time do ducks wake up? At the quack of dawn.  

What time do ducks wake up? At the quack of dawn. Vanessa: 

Do you know what sound ducks make? Quack, quack,  quack, quack. If you're interested in sounds that  

other animals make, I made this video about  common sounds in English. Animal sounds,  

sounds that items make, sounds that people make  when we're frustrated, these types of sounds,  

very important for English conversations in daily  life. But a sound that a duck makes is quack,  

quack, quack. So, here's our first meaning, quack. But do you know this full expression? Quack of  

dawn sounds like the full expression, crack of  dawn. Crack of dawn, it's an expression that means  

first thing in the morning. When the sun comes  up, boom, that is the crack of dawn. Usually, it  

is extremely early in the morning. And when we use  that expression, we're trying to imply that, "Oh,  

I had to wake up so early. I had to wake up at  the crack of dawn to get to the airport to catch  

my flight." The crack of dawn. Boom. The moment  that there's a little bit of light is the crack of  

dawn. So, that's what this joke is talking about,  but they substitute crack and quack because that's  

what ducks say. The quack of dawn. All right,  let's listen to Dan say this one more time. 

Dan: What time do ducks wake up? At the quack of dawn. 

Vanessa: Did you get it? I hope so.  

Let's go to our next joke. Dan: 

I used to hate facial hair, but then it  grew on me. I used to hate facial hair,  

but then it grew on me. Vanessa: 

Do you know what facial hair is? That is like a  beard or a mustache, facial hair. And some people  

don't like it. Some people like it. It's just  personal preference or maybe cultural preference  

sometimes. But what is the joke here? The joke  is about the phrasal verb, to grow on. Where  

does your hair grow? Well, it grows on your head.  It grows on you. It is actually growing on you. 

But there's a figurative meaning for it to  grow on as well. If you say, "Yeah, I used  

to not like Vanessa's classes," I hope that's  not true. "I used to not like Vanessa's classes,  

but the more I watched them, they grew on me."  They, my classes, my lessons, grew on you. That  

means that over time you learned to like them.  You became more and more comfortable and it became  

something that you liked. Same for facial hair.  I used to hate facial hair, beards, mustaches,  

but then they grew on me. Okay. We're talking  about, literally, facial hair grows on you,  

but also that figurative idea that, over time, I  learned to like it. It grew on me. Let's listen to  

Dan say this one more time. Dan: 

I used to hate facial hair,  but then it grew on me. 

Vanessa: Did you get it? I hope so. These  

last three jokes are more advanced than the others  because you need to know some things very specific  

about American culture, but don't worry. I'm here  to help you. Let's get started with the next one  

and listen to Dan say it. Dan: 

Hey, Vanessa. Vanessa: 

What? Dan: 

What did Tennessee? Vanessa: 

What? Dan: 

The same thing that Arkansas. Hey, Vanessa. Vanessa: 

What? Dan: 

What did Tennessee? Vanessa: 

What? Dan: 

The same thing that Arkansas. Vanessa: 

These are both states. Tennessee and Arkansas  are states. Don't be fooled by the spelling  

of Arkansas. There is an S at the end, but  we pronounce it Arkansas, Arkansas. Listen  

carefully to the end of these states, Tennessee,  Arkansas. Do you know this verb, to see with your  

eyes? You see something. But what is that  in the past tense? If I said, "Today, I see  

the beautiful weather. Yesterday, I, the beautiful  weather. Yesterday, I saw the beautiful weather."  

This is in a regular verb in the present, it is  to see. And in the past, it is saw. So, here we  

have a joke about both of these. Let me give you  a sample sentence, and I want to see if you can  

understand it a little bit better. What did you  see? I don't know what I saw. What did you see?  

I don't know what I saw. So, let's pretend that  

Tena and Arkin are people and we can substitute I.  What did you see? I don't know what I saw. Let's  

substitute you and I for these people. What did  Tena see? The same thing as Arkin saw. Very silly.  

But in order to understand this joke, you need  to know what these states are. You need to know  

the verb tenses of the verb, saw. So, there is a  deep level of understanding that needs to happen  

in order to laugh at this joke. And if you heard  someone say this in, for example, you're watching  

The Big Bang Theory and you hear someone say  a joke like this, and everyone is laughing,  

I hope that now you will feel a little more  comfortable. All right, let's listen to Dan  

say this joke one more time. Dan: 

Hey, Vanessa. Vanessa: 

What? Dan: 

What did Tennessee? Vanessa: 

What? Dan: 

The same thing that Arkansas. Vanessa: 

Did you get it? I hope so. Let's  go on to our 14th advanced joke. 

Dan: What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?  

One's really heavy, and the  other one's a little lighter.  

What's the difference between a hippo and a  Zippo? One's really heavy, and the other one's  

a little lighter. Vanessa: 

To understand this joke, you need to  know that a common brand of lighter is  

Zippo. This is the brand of the lighter.  Well, we know that hippos are heavy animals  

and Zippos are a type of a lighter. There  are two meanings of the word, lighter.  

The opposite of heavy is light, heavy  and light, or it is an item, a lighter.  

So, here is where the cleverness of the joke is.  There's two meanings, something that's not heavy,  

and something that gives fire is a lighter. Let's  listen to Dan say this one more time and we'll go  

on to our final joke. Dan: 

What's the difference between a hippo and a  Zippo? One's really heavy, and the other one's  

a little lighter. Vanessa: 

Did you get it? I hope so. All right. I  want you to take a deep breath before we  

go on to our final, 15th joke. This is deeply  rooted in American culture. So, take a breath,  

and let's listen to Dan say it. Dan: 

One day, a Viking named Rudolph the Red looked  out the window and said, "It's going to rain."  

His wife said, "How do you know?" He said,  "Because Rudolph, the Red-Nose Reindeer."  

One day, a Viking named Rudolph the  Red looked out the window and said,  

"It's going to rain." His wife said, "How  do you know?" He said, "Because Rudolph,  

the Red-Nose Reindeer." Vanessa: 

At Christmas time in the US, and  maybe in other countries as well,  

most children watch this classic film and  listen to this Christmas song, Rudolph,  

the Red-Nosed Reindeer. A reindeer is a kind  of animal, like a deer. It has antlers and it  

lives in cold countries, and Rudolph, the name of  this reindeer, is special because he has a red,  

shiny nose. And in the song, and in  this film, he helps Santa find his way  

in a storm to be able to deliver presents. So,  this story is about a special reindeer. And the  

silly thing or the funny thing about this joke  is that it is about a man named Rudolph the Red.  

Rudolph the Red thinks that he is knowledgeable  about the weather. He says, "I know about  

rain. I know about rain." But the way that he  says, it sounds like the name of this character  

because he calls his wife a kind, loving name. Sometimes husbands and wives will call each other,  

dear, honey, sweetie, these kinds of kind names.  So, he calls his wife, dear. That is what he's  

saying to her instead of her name. So, when we  say the full phrase out loud, listen to this,  

Rudolph the Red, that's this guy's name, Rudolph  the Red knows rain, dear. But what does this  

sound like? Rudolph, the Red-Nose Reindeer.  (singing) Most kids know this song. It is a  

common Christmas song. And I hope that now you  can dig a little bit deeper in American culture  

and also realize why people might laugh at this  joke. Let's listen to Dan say this one more time. 

Dan: One day, a Viking named Rudolph  

the Red looked out the window and said, "It's  going to rain." His wife said, "How do you know?"  

He said, "Because Rudolph, the Red-Nose Reindeer." Vanessa: 

Did you get it? I hope so. This was a lot of  jokes, a lot of vocabulary, and also a lot of  

culture. I hope that this lesson was helpful for  you. Before we go, I have a final test for you.  

I want to know, can you tell me why is this  joke funny. let me know in the comments what  

you think. I'm going to read it out loud,  and then I want you to write in the comments  

why you think it's funny. What time did  the man go to the dentist? 2:30. 2:30.  

Hmm. Why is this joke funny or silly, just a pun,  a play on words? Let me know in the comments,  

and I hope that you enjoyed this lesson.  Thank you so much for learning English with  

me and I'll see you again next Friday for a  new lesson here on my YouTube channel. Bye. 

The next step is to download my free ebook, 5  Steps to Becoming a Confident English Speaker.  

You'll learn what you need to do  to speak confidently and fluently.  

Don't forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel  for more free lessons. Thanks so much. Bye.