6 Exercises to Feel More CONFIDENT When Speaking English

All right, so take a look at these two speakers.  Which of the two do you think is more confident?  

Now, it doesn't take a genius to know that this  person looks and probably also feels a lot more  

confident than the other one. But how exactly  did they get there? What exactly makes this  

person more confident, while this person seems  more insecure? Well, being a confident English  

speaker or speaker of any language, for that  matter, involves so much more than just the words  

that come out of your mouth. In fact, the majority  of your perceived confidence actually comes from  

your non-verbals. Now, non-verbal communication  really has to do with things like eye contact,  

facial expressions, gestures that you make with  your hands and other parts of your body and,  

of course, your posture, how you hold yourself. So  today I'm going to give you six practical tips and  

exercises that will help you to instantly increase  your confidence without speaking a single word.

All right so it goes without saying that if you  do not feel very confident speaking your native  

language, then you're probably not going to feel  very confident when it comes to speaking English  

either, right? So all of the tips that I'm going  to give you today will help you to speak English  

more confidently, yes, but more importantly  they're going to help you feel more confident as a  

person no matter what language you're speaking. In  fact, like just through my own personal experience  

of learning languages, in my 20s when I was  more dedicated to it I used to go to language  

exchanges. And I've always been shy throughout  my life, so this was, you know, at first a very  

terrifying experience, but I found that when I  started doing it more and more, I could actually  

feel, you know, a lot more confident. And then  when I actually went into situations where I was  

speaking English, my native tongue, then I also  felt more confident. So let's look at some body  

language changes that if you make them, will  make other people perceive you as being more  

confident and will make you feel more confident  yourself. So try to distribute your weight evenly  

between both feet, which means avoid when you  can putting too much of your weight to one side.  

Or maybe tucking one leg behind the other.  You can kind of imagine as if the Earth were  

like pulling you down, you really want to have  your feet grounded. So practice standing tall,  

stand up straight, straighten your back, hold  your head up high so really make yourself as  

tall as you can without seeming like you're going  onto your tippy toes. Let your shoulders relaxed.  

A lot of times when you try to stand up tall,  our shoulders will naturally sort of go up and  

be tense with our neck, so make sure to have them  lowered. You can do this by actually rolling them  

backwards and forwards so they're relaxed, as  long as you're not surrounded by people in that  

moment but something good to practice at home. Breathing is also really important for being  

grounded, so actually practice your breathing  and if you're in a situation, maybe where you're  

feeling stressed, you can use this really to make  yourself more present. So breathe deeply from the  

diaphragm, so like your stomach should sort  of open up a little bit, your ribs should also  

expand out, you don't want to have your breathing  be too shallow, so it shouldn't be from high up in  

your chest. Another negative thing that this  does is if you're not breathing deep enough,  

your voice tends to sound more nasally. Eye contact is also really important,  

you don't want to stare someone down to the point  that, you know, it's awkward or you seem creepy.

But you should really avoid looking down  at the ground, looking at your feet,  

looking off in the distance like you're  distracted. One way you can practice this  

is actually when you're walking on the  street and you meet someone's eyes try  

not to be the first person that breaks eye  contact. Wait for them to break it first.  

This can feel like really awkward at first,  but if you practice it, you'll get better and  

better at it and then when you're actually in a  situation where you're talking to someone, you  

won't feel as awkward holding their eye contact.  If you're sitting, usually it's best to actually  

relax a bit in your chair, so lean back, don't  like slouch down into your chair, but actually  

use the back of it, spread yourself out. Avoid  crossing your legs, if you do cross your legs,  

do it in a more open way. And if you're, like,  sitting on a sofa, for example, you can actually  

lean back on it and drape your arm across it, like  even, maybe, behind the person that you're talking  

to, as long as it's a close enough relationship,  as you're looking at them and talking to them.

Number two, practice power poses. So social psychologist Amy Cuddy has this really  

famous Ted Talk, that later turns into a book,  all about how our body language affects our mood,  

our emotions and ultimately how confident  we feel. So she discusses how having more  

open body language makes us feel more powerful,  more confident, but when we feel more insecure,  

what we tend to do is close up our body  language, you know. Maybe crossing our arms,  

getting really small in our chair. So Amy Cuddy  teaches us that if we do power poses, this can  

actually help us to feel more confident. So this  generally is taking some sort of pose that is more  

open and makes us feel more powerful. This could  be having your hands up, your arms up in the air,  

could be having your hands on your hips. Now,  obviously not all these you could do while you're  

talking other people, because you're not going  to be, like, talking to someone like this. But  

some of them you could do, for example, before you  have a high pressure situation. So maybe if you're  

going to a social event where you'll be speaking  English, or if you're speaking even your native  

language, but you're nervous about it, or if you  are going in for a job interview, for example,  

then right before the job interview you could  go to the bathroom, close yourself in there and  

stand for at least two minutes with your hands  up in the air, with your feet firmly grounded  

and wide on the floor. And if you do this, it's  actually going to change your brain chemistry as  

she explains. In fact, this is so effective that  for a little bit of behind the scenes information,  

we do this in preparation before recording any  podcast, because it helps us just to feel more  

present and more confident about whatever we're  talking about in that podcast. So how does this  

actually work? So Amy Cuddy points us to some  scientific studies that show that when we feel  

more stressed, the level of cortisol, which is  also known as the stress hormone, increases in  

our brain, but by doing these power poses that we  discussed or doing anything that makes you feel  

more confident, in general, helps to lower the  stress level. So you can imagine, you know, if  

you're in one of these situations, especially if  you are someone like me that's shy or introverted,  

it can cause a high level of stress. Maybe even  you begin to like sweat or something like that,  

a really physical response right to that stress,  but if you do these power poses beforehand,  

then it can help you to feel a bit more at ease.  Maybe you'll still be a little bit stressed,  

but less so than if you had not done this. And a  really amazing thing about body language is it can  

help you bring up more presence to your speech.  So oftentimes, it's not just what we're saying,  

but actually how we're saying it. So, for  example, if you're speaking to someone and  

your arms are crossed, that might make them think  one thing, but if you are speaking to them and you  

have your hands on your hips, for example, that  makes you seem like someone who is confident,  

who is powerful, who knows what they're talking  about, who feels comfortable with who they are  

so you know just pay attention to this. Even if  you're like watching TV or if you're watching  

people you're people watching on the street and  see what kind of body language are they having and  

how does that make your perception of them change.  So the exercise here is pretty simple and you can  

even try it out right now if you're somewhere  where people can't see you. It's actually doing  

one of these power poses for just a couple minutes  and paying attention to how you feel before  

and after. So check out, these are some of the  different power poses that you can do. And either  

or close yourself up somewhere or even if you're  watching this alone right now in your bedroom,  

in your office, then give it a go and see  how it makes you feel. Two minutes at least. 

If you are someone who is prone to shyness  or anxiety, you should not expect that you  

can just turn things around by watching a  YouTube video like this. One and then going  

to an event that is crowded with strangers or to  a high pressure situation like a job interview.  

Well the good news is that there are some ways  that you can practice first, even at home alone,  

in low pressure situations, that will help you  to master some of the principles of confident  

body language. And if you're the type of person  who really suffers from anxiety, well you can  

kind of build your way up by first practicing  alone and then you can maybe do it with people  

who you feel close to, who don't judge you, like  friends and family, before you actually go out  

into the wild and try this out with strangers. Okay, so if you want to practice this first,  

you should try speaking in front of the mirror.  You can even film yourself and then watch it  

back. Really try to focus in on the details of  your body language, pay special attention to  

what you do with your facial expressions, with  your hands, with your arms and your shoulders,  

your general posture and any other body language  that might make you seem anxious or nervous. And  

then, when you do this, you can become more  mindful about correcting any ticks that you  

might have when you're nervous. And, of course,  if you're trying to build up your confidence,  

it is fantastic, if you are practicing at home  alone but eventually you're going to have to get  

out there and practice with real people, right?  And sometimes it can be really difficult to find  

good situations in which to do this, especially if  you're wanting to do it in your target language,  

like English. So we have a really fantastic  way that you can do this for free, anytime,  

anywhere that you have an internet connection. And  that's with the RealLife App. And the really great  

thing here is that you can connect with people  from all around the world who are just like you,  

in the same boat, trying to learn a language and  maybe feeling not so comfortable communicating  

in it yet. alright, so you can give it  a try, download it for free right now  

in your favorite app store or just click  up here or down in the description below.

Number four, practice mindful listening. So depending on who you're talking to,  

it can feel quite awkward when you're in a  conversation with someone and they don't really  

seem to be listening to you. Maybe they're  pretending to be listening, maybe they're  

double tasking and so you know that they're not  really fully listening. You can be someone who  

really connects to people by practicing active  listening. And basically what this means is that  

you give your undivided attention to the other  person, really truly listening to what they're  

saying. There is a quote that I really love that  paints a picture of this perfectly, that says:  

"You have two ears and one mouth, use them  proportionally." So this means that we should  

listen twice as much as we speak. And everyone  loves to talk, and they love to talk especially  

about themselves, about the things that they  do great. Give other people the opportunity to  

speak more and really listen and use your body  language as well to show that you are listening.

All right, so how do you actually do this?  So one thing that you can do is actually  

use your body language as I said so. There are  different ways you can do this. In most western  

cultures English-speaking countries, nodding your  head looks like this, right? Do it tactfully,  

which means, you know, don't do it too much, you  don't want to just be like this the whole time,  

because the person's going to think  that there's something wrong, maybe,  

with your neck. But you can do it, you know, every  once in a while to show that you're following,  

that you're listening, that you understand  what they're saying. You can also use some  

different noises to do this. So in  English it would be things like:

So all those kind of things show that you know  you're following what they're saying and even  

that you're finding it interesting. You don't  need to maintain eye contact 100%, but it's  

especially important that you maintain eye contact  when you're making a point. Usually when someone  

else is talking I tend to find it helpful to look  them in the eye the entire time, when I'm talking  

though, oftentimes if I'm looking in the eye maybe  I can't fully get my thoughts together and so,  

you know, I might, for a moment, break that eye  contact look and kind of think about putting my  

thoughts together. But, you know, when you're  listening, a great way to show that you're  

listening is by, you know, not looking like you're  distracted, looking over there at someone else,  

but that you're really present with that person.  It goes without saying, if you're maintaining  

eye contact also don't be looking down at your  feet, this is something people tend to do when  

they're feeling shy or feeling anxious, but,  you know, really try to keep your head up,  

try to keep that straight posture and make sure  that you're fully present listening to them. So  

this means actually and this is where meditation  comes in handy, but this means actually not  

letting yourself get distracted by other thoughts.  Most people when they're in a conversation,  

listening to someone else, they're not truly  listening, they're actually formulating their  

head "How am I going to respond to this, what  can I say to impress the other person?", so you  

don't need to worry about this, just get in the  habit of when those thoughts pop into your head,  

to actually say, you know, "Okay, pay attention,  pay attention." Don't need to think about that,  

once it comes time for you to speak, if they ask  you a question or something, it will come. You  

don't need to worry about formulating your  response while they're talking. Be sure to  

mute your devices, mute your phone or anything  else that could have a notification. You know,  

nothing's worse than when you're talking to  someone and they seem more interested in the  

vibrating or the chime on their phone  than they are in what you have to say.

Number five, be the master of your emotions. So being non-reactive is about keeping your  

emotions in check, in other words, it's about not  letting your emotions control you. Now this is  

really difficult to do, but I assure you it is  well worth the effort. Now don't get me wrong,  

it's really important that you show your emotions,  but when you let your negative emotions, such as  

stress or anxiety really take hold of you, then  it can make the conversation really uncomfortable  

both for you and the person that you're speaking  to. So by remaining calm and non-reactive, you  

show that you're not pressured by what's happening  around you and others will feel much more at ease  

conversing with you or being in your presence. All right, so now let's look at some techniques  

for being non-reactive. So first of all, let's  look at a situation where you're sitting. So if  

you are sitting, for example, in a job interview.  This could actually happen for some people when  

they're standing, as well, you don't want to  fidget. Now fidgeting is when you are either  

playing with, you know, something on your body  or playing with an object even. So we all know  

someone probably who, for example, if they have a  pen in their hand, they're just gonna be the whole  

time clicking that pen, right? Like crazy. So  that's one type of fidgeting, it's different ways  

of like letting your anxiety come out physically  which other people can notice and it can make  

you feel like, you know, if I'm speaking with you  and you're fidgeting, it can seem like you're not  

very comfortable around me, which might make me  feel comfortable, right? Avoid bouncing your leg,  

which really is a type of fidgeting. And if you're  sitting at a table, it's good to have your hands  

in view, but also avoid like tapping the table  with your fingers or with your nails, maybe,  

if you have long nails. Also avoid touching your  face or maybe you have long hair, avoid playing  

with your hair, twirling it. As I said, you  know, if you're sitting at a table, it's good  

to show your hands, but even if you're standing,  don't hide your hands in your pocket. It's always  

better if you have your hands, if you're using  them to gesture, that shows a lot of confidence  

and open body language. Avoid crossing your arms,  which is a much more closed type of body language,  

if you must cross your arms, then do it in a way  where your hands are still visible. And if you're  

really feeling anxious, avoid this coming out  in a physical way, instead, try to anchor onto  

something. And a really great anchor is always the  breath. So just try to make yourself more present  

by paying attention, not controlling, but paying  attention to your inhale and your exhale and this  

should really help you to calm down a bit and feel  more present. You also don't need to feel super  

pressured to speak right away. So, for example,  someone asks you a question, you can take a moment  

to think and to gather yourself. And to like  really lower your anxiety before responding. So if  

you're in a high pressure situation, for example,  at a job interview, then you might want to, you  

know, just take a breath. You can kind of like,  you know, look up look not directly at the person  

for a moment and kind of gather your thoughts  and then respond. There's nothing at all wrong  

with making the person wait just a little bit. And just before we move into today's last tip,  

I want to let you know that if you are new  to RealLife English, well every single week  

we bring you a new video like this one that  helps you not only to improve your English,  

but also to improve your life. Just like we're  saying today that being more confident not only is  

going to help you speak English better, but it's  going to help you connect better with other people  

and ultimately just feel better in your life. So  be sure to hit that subscribe button and the bell  

down below so that every single week we can help  you go from being a lost insecure English learner,  

feeling like a natural and confident English  speaker that, you know, you have all this  

potential to be, so we look forward to seeing  you every single week here at RealLife English.

Number six Embrace vulnerability. So it is just impossible to gain confidence if  

you do not first have vulnerability, many people  actually see confidence as the sort of set trait  

that we have at birth, which is not at all true.  Confidence actually comes out of vulnerability.  

In fact Mark Manson, who is the author of this  really fantastic book I read a couple years ago,  

called the subtle art of not giving a f***, says  that "True confidence is being more invested in  

your perception of yourself, than in someone  else's perceptions of you." So in other words,  

vulnerability comes out of accepting and embracing  who you are, even if other people don't accept it  

or don't like it. In fact, it probably sounds  really cliché, but if you don't first like  

yourself, how can you ever expect other people to  like you? Now there's no one better to look to for  

advice on vulnerability than Brené Brown, who is a  social scientist. Now she says that "vulnerability  

leads to courage, which leads to confidence,  so actually courage is much more important than  

confidence." You know, the people who we view  as just naturally confident, are so not because  

of a natural personality trait that they have,  but because over and over and over again they've  

made the courageous choice to step out of their  comfort zone. So if you want to be perceived as  

being more confident, then there's no shortcut,  you have to actually embrace your vulnerability  

and make those decisions every time you can to  be courageous and step out of your comfort zone  

too. So the exercise to master this tip actually  has to do with putting yourself in uncomfortable  

situations that might even make you a bit scared.  A fantastic way that you can do this is actually  

making a list of the things that you fear. In  fact, author Tim Ferriss has an exercise called  

"fear setting" that helps you to do exactly this.  And he actually attributes a lot of his success to  

doing this a few times a year. So let's look at  the steps to do this exercise. So you start off  

thinking about something that you fear and then  writing on the phrase "what if I..." and then the  

thing that you fear. Then you try to define the  worst things that could happen in that situation,  

ways you can prevent those things and if those  worse things came to pass, how could you repair  

them. And if you're someone who really likes  these kind of exercises, there's another really  

great and simple one called WOOP, who comes from a  professor of psychology named Gabrielle Oettingen.  

And I actually had the pleasure of interviewing  her back at the beginning of this year, so I  

highly recommend that you check out my interview  with her, where you can learn this exercise. 

So just in finishing talking about this tip,  courage does not need to be this huge act,  

this huge change that you're making. It can just  be doing something small that gets you out of your  

comfort zone. In fact true vulnerability really  is if you're someone who is shy or introverted  

like myself, just going up to someone and saying,  you know, "hi, I'm really nervous to come up and  

approach you, but I just thought that you'd be  an interesting person to speak to", you know,  

this could be if you're dating, if you're,  you know, looking to meet someone and going  

up and just saying that you think cute or that  they're handsome or beautiful. Or it can just be,  

you know, if you're looking for, you're at a  networking event and you're looking to meet other  

people who have a similar interest to you, going  up to a small group and introducing yourself.  

It's a small thing, but for many of us it just  seems like something that can be quite scary,  

but really, if you just get yourself out  there, if you just push yourself a little bit,  

you'll see that is much easier than you, know,  you're building it up to be in your mind. And,  

you know, even if you are nervous about going  up to someone and starting a conversation,  

the fact that you were brave enough to take the  initiative and go and introduce yourself will make  

people see you as a confident person. And a caveat  here since we're talking about English learning,  

never apologize for your English, you know. You're  a learner, you've put a lot of hard work into it,  

whatever level you are currently at and that's  something that you should be proud of. So  

instead of saying, you know, I'm sorry for my bad  English, or sorry that my English isn't very good,  

you can actually say, you know, that I'm still  learning English, my English isn't at the level  

that I want to be, but you know, I'm really  committed to it. You can even say that I don't  

have a lot of experience speaking English yet  and I'm a bit nervous, you know. Someone who  

can admit that their English still is not at the  level that they want it to be or that they are  

nervous about communicating another language. Now  that is confidence. So put yourself out there in  

more situations that give you just a little bit of  fear and you're really going to see that over time  

by doing more and more of this you can start  to build up to doing bigger and bigger things  

that make you more scared and you are going to  become so much more confident than you are today.

And I just wanted to give a disclaimer in  this video that there is no magic pill for  

confidence. I'd be lying if I said I don't still  not feel confident sometimes when I'm in a new  

situation or when I go to a crowded place.  As someone who is both shy and introverted,  

it's completely normal to feel uncomfortable in  new situations. So basically what I wanted to  

suggest to you is that you try out the different  things that we've been learning about in this  

video and don't think that you have to make some  huge change in your life, you don't have to become  

someone who you're not, but just try to do to  get into situations where you feel uncomfortable,  

to push yourself out of your comfort zone and just  try to get a little bit better every single time. 

All right, and there you have it, that's six ways  that you can improve your confidence speaking  

English or in anything else that's important to  you in life just by using your body and your mind.  

So I want to hear from you, which of these tips  did you find the most surprising and which one  

are you going to try out first? So let me know  down in the comments below and why don't you  

see what your fellow learner said too. So to wrap  up, let's look at something really fascinating so  

according to psychologists Albert Moravian who has  done extensive research on body language. He says  

that communication is 55% non-verbal, 38% vocal  and only 7% words. So by harnessing the power  

of body language, you will feel more confident  and secure next time you get the opportunity to  

speak with someone in English. Be it on our app  or be it out in a situation in the real world.  

The most effective communicators in the world  don't just use words to get their message across,  

they also use their voice and especially they  use their body. So if you're wanting to be a more  

effective Communicator, then you can do the same. Alright so now it's time to get off your computer  

or your phone or wherever you're watching this,  go out into the real world and actually put some  

of this into practice. It's not enough just  to watch a video and hope that you absorb it  

and magically become more confident. I  believe in you, you can do it. Aw yeah!