Sorry For My Bad English

What's up guys, I'm Ethan, your RealLife  English fluency coach and I have a question:  

why is it that so many English as a foreign  language speakers feel the need to apologize  

when they speak English? Or as I've seen countless  times on the internet and even in the comments on  

our channel when they're writing. Now this "sorry  for my English" has become kind of a phenomenon  

so much so that it's even become a meme on  the internet and urban dictionary even has  

an entry on the subject. For many people  this has just become something customary  

that you say when you meet someone new. People  will say something like "hi, nice to meet you,  

my name is such and such and I'm from such  and such. Sorry, my English is not so good."  

This is one of my biggest pet peeves. You  should not do this and in this video we're  

going to look at why people tend to apologize for  their English, what you can do to break this bad  

habit and most importantly how you can become a  confident English speaker. So if you watch until  

the end you're going to learn all about foreign  language anxiety, why confidence beats grammar,  

what's the difference between good perfectionism  and bad perfectionism and, finally, how to make  

the most out of your mistakes. But quickly before  we get started, I want to let you know that if you  

are new here every single week we make videos  just like this one to help you to understand  

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down below and you won't miss a single one of our  new lessons. Now let's jump into today's lesson.

Now, there's a specific type of anxiety  linked to speaking a foreign language.  

So much so that they've actually come up with a  name for this. It's called xenoglossophobia. Now  

try saying that three times fast. Now foreign  language anxiety or xenoglossophobia is defined  

as the feeling of unease, worry, nervousness and  apprehension experienced in learning or using a  

second or foreign language. Now, this is actually  the subject of several different academic research  

studies. Now, in my opinion, when you're speaking  your native language, you probably feel pretty  

confident, right? You and the person that you're  speaking to are on an equal playing field,  

this means that both of you have kind of the  same knowledge that you're bringing to the table,  

so you don't really feel like that person  has some sort of advantage over you. Now,  

probably as opposed to when you speak English,  you're not constantly monitoring what you're  

saying when you're speaking your native  language. You probably don't even think  

about it most the time, but when you speak  English, you might experience self-doubt  

frustration and self-consciousness, especially  when the person you're talking to is a native  

speaker or a more experienced learner. So this  could be what in psychology is referred to as fear  

of negative evaluation. So when you're apologizing  for your English, basically it's probably because  

you think that you're not making a good impression  on that other person, so you preemptively  

apologize in hopes of making a better impression,  but the problem here is that it probably will have  

the opposite effect. Just think about it, you're  talking to someone, they don't know you at all  

and basically the first thing out of your mouth  is "sorry for my bad English." So what is that  

person going to think? They're going to think that  they have to expect you to make a lot of mistakes,  

they have to expect that they won't understand  you, however if you don't say anything, then they  

might not even notice your mistakes as much as  you are. I think you'll find that most people are  

pretty friendly and they want to help you to be  understood and to communicate yourself. Now, for  

most learners, grammar is actually associated with  performance anxiety. Basically meaning that you're  

afraid of making mistakes. And another really big  source of this anxiety is pronunciation, but the  

important thing to keep in mind is that confidence  beats grammar or pronunciation every time.  

So you know you're not going to be perfect when  you have that conversation in English. You're  

going to make mistakes, so instead of focusing  on apologizing for your English and trying  

to be perfect, why don't you instead put that  focus on actually trying to be more confident?  

Now, you do this by being present and in the  moment, by flowing naturally with a conversation  

and of course by practice, practice, practice.  Think about it, if you play any sport you're not  

going to go out to the big competition without  having done some practice, some training first,  

right? Well, it's the same with your English.  You should be doing some different training  

before you actually are going out and having that  conversation, which for you really is like that  

big competition or running that marathon,  maybe. So you could do this, for example,  

by while you're home alone you could stand in  front of the mirror, you could record yourself  

and listen back and try to catch your own mistakes  and work on ironing those out, work on correcting  

those. Something else you could do is, if you're  alone again, maybe driving in your car on your  

way to work, you could talk with yourself about  some sorts of different subjects, you can pick a  

different topic every day, for example. And  what this is going to do is that when you  

actually get to the moment where you're having to  perform, where you have to have that conversation  

you already feel pretty comfortable talking  about a variety of different subjects in English.  

If you feel comfortable speaking English despite  making mistakes, then you're going to have more  

and better conversations in English than if you're  stressed. And obviously the person that you're  

speaking to is going to feel a whole lot more  comfortable too. And all this practice obviously  

is how you're going to become a better speaker, so  you're making less of those mistakes. Now, again,  

when you're home this is the perfect opportunity  for you to study grammar, to study pronunciation  

and to really focus on getting rid of those  mistakes that you might be making a lot.  

But the moment is not when you're out there at  a bar or over skype having conversation with a  

native speaker or with another learner and you're  practicing. That's when you're actually putting  

into practice everything that you've done at home.  All that work that you've done beforehand. But  

don't fall into this trap that so many people fall  into of thinking that they need to study and study  

and study before they can actually go out there  and have a conversation. Really ideally you should  

start speaking from day one, but I know if you're  watching this and you're actually understanding  

what I'm saying, that's not going to be possible  for you, but that means that you really just  

need to get started as soon as possible. And, of  course, being able to actually understand people  

when they speak to you is going to be huge for  your confidence when you have the opportunity to  

have those different conversations. And a really  great way that we have for you to work on your  

listening skills is with our real life native  immersion course. So you'll be listening to  

real English conversations about a variety of  topics between me and the other fluency coaches.  

So you can try that absolutely free with our power  learning mini course. So if you want to learn more  

and sign up for that it's really simple, click  up here or down description below. And this,  

of course, leads us to how being a perfectionist  can either be a good thing or a bad thing.

Now, how do you think that being perfectionist  can be a good thing or bad thing In learning  

and speaking another language? Why don't you  let me know down in the comments below? Now,  

we can kind of think of perfectionism  as a spectrum. On the one end you have  

total carelessness and on the other end total  perfectionism. Now total carelessness means  

that you don't have a care in the world about  making mistakes and obviously this is not a  

good thing because it replaces your willingness  to kind of make progress, but I do believe that  

it's actually better than the alternative as  long as the other person can understand you.  

Now total perfectionism on the other hand means  that you are really obsessed with not making any  

mistake and when you do make a mistake it's a  crisis to you. Or maybe even worse than this  

you aren't even willing to go and put yourself  out there and have a conversation with someone  

for fear of making these mistakes, because you  just think that you're not good enough yet.  

Now between these two extremes there's a  sweet spot and that's where you care and  

pay attention to your performance but without  being overly obsessed with the end result.You  

need to learn to look at mistakes as a  natural part of learning the language,  

especially if you're a beginner or intermediate  learner. And as long as you are continuing to  

focus more on that progress on getting better  all the time, then you will notice huge changes  

in your ability to speak confidently. And that's  a fact, but maybe you're shy or you're introverted  

and this is actually getting in the way much  more of your ability to speak English than  

perfectionism is. If that's the case for you, then  I made a video talking all about that subject that  

I think can help you a lot. So you'll find that  clicking up here or down the description below.

Whether it's a grammar slip up an awkward choice  of words or just mispronouncing something,  

the way that you learn from the mistakes  is actually noticing that you made them.  

Now, sometimes it's hard to do this either because  you're not aware of it, but many times just by  

paying attention to the environment you'll be able  to catch these. For example, maybe someone didn't  

understand, they didn't really get the point of  what you were saying or maybe you're seeing them  

making some sort of weird facial expression, so  that might mean that you said something the wrong  

way or that they really just didn't catch what you  were saying. Now, again, when you make a mistake,  

do not beat yourself up about it. Simply take a  mental note or you could actually write it down  

or use a note-taking app on your phone and then  later, when you're home and kind of that quiet  

environment, then you can reflect on these and  you can correct your mistakes, or something even  

better you can do is actually getting a teacher  who can help you to really focus on what are the  

mistakes that you're often making and correct  these in a safe and constructive environment.  

So here's an example, imagine that you're in  a crowded bar and you're having a conversation  

with someone and you couldn't understand what they  said either because maybe they used some word that  

you didn't know or just because you couldn't  actually hear them. And you quickly blurt out,  

you quickly say "what?" Now, you actually probably  know that that's not the most appropriate way to  

ask someone to repeat themselves, but because  of the stress of the moment, it just came out  

and that's absolutely okay, just take a mental  note of it as I said, and then when you get home,  

you could actually research, you know,  what is the actual thing that I should say  

or you can actually practice saying this  again in the mirror or something like that,  

or ask your teacher, or do a Google search on  appropriate alternatives later. Such as "sorry",  

"excuse me", "pardon" or "could you say that  again?" All right so you've almost made it to  

the end of this video but I quickly want to resume  everything that we've learned, the main takeaways  

from this video. So first off, don't apologize  for your English. Remember that confidence beats  

grammar every time. If you're going to be a  perfectionist, then be a good perfectionist.  

Don't beat yourself up about your mistakes and  actually learn to accept your mistakes. And  

even more importantly than this be proactive about  learning from those mistakes. And now that you've  

actually made it to the end of this video, I want  you to make a promise to me. I want you to never  

ever ever again say "sorry for my bad English" or  any alternative of this. You've worked really hard  

to get where you are at whatever level you're at  now and you should be proud of all that hard work  

that you've put in and that you're continuing to  put in by watching videos like this, by studying,  

by putting yourself out there in uncomfortable  situations and having conversations in English  

with other people. It's an awkward and strange  experience, so actually enjoy it, enjoy the ride,  

enjoy the journey and now it's time to go beyond  the classroom and live your English. Ah yeah!