Break Up PERFECTLY in 5 Easy Steps! (No Crying! No Bad Feelings!)

- You're dating someone

and they are rubbish, an awful person.

You want to end the relationship,

stop dating them immediately.

Say this.

- I'm done.

(dramatic music)

- That is good if the person sucks.

But if the person's nice and you want the perfect breakup,

that means, no bad feelings and no crying.

Then keep watching,

because we need five very important things

for the perfect breakup.

(soft electronic music)

The greeting, the hello,

followed by a positive point.

Next is the reason why you don't want

to see each other anymore.

Then the next steps.

Do you want to never see this person,

never talk to this person again in your life,

or do you want to just remain friends.

And finally the good bye.

Now, if English isn't your first language,

all of these points,

and all of the expressions, idioms and phrasal verbs

that you'll learn today have subtle meanings.

Different words evoke different feelings when we read them.

I don't know why, they just do.

But for that reason, I'll add bonuses.

These bonuses are finality.

If you want to never see this person again,

it will have a finality bonus.

The friendly bonus, however,

those words and expressions will help you

and the other person not hate each other.

And any words or expressions without those bonuses

will be neutral, unless I say different.

First, of course, is the greeting.

Now, you might think this is easy,

but actually, how you start the breakup is very important.

If we start with a hey, hi,

seems friendly, seems neutral, no problem.

But if I have been dating you for a while,

and you send me a message that starts with hello,

it seems kind of impersonal

and a bit formal and a bit serious.

That's why I've given it that finality bonus.

So in a weird way, if you want to say good bye forever,

start with hello.

You're going to break someone's heart,

so it could be a good idea to start with some positivity.

Hope you're good, I hope you're well.

Don't write in the comments

that good is wrong in this situation.

This is just how we speak.

You good?

I'm good, you good?

Good.

And this gives it that friendly bonus.

You don't want them to hate you forever.

Maybe you do,

but if you don't, add something friendly.

Woo, you started it and that's the most difficult part

and that's finished.

You can smell freedom.

Now you need to add something positive.

This should be something nice about that person

or about your time together.

Yes, maybe they were boring,

but you don't have to lie or say anything crazy.

Keep it simple.

Let's start with this,

I don't know if you feel the same, but,

or, I have to be honest,

Grammar plays a very important role

in the psychology of this breakup.

So, it's been really fun, it was really fun,

or I've really enjoyed or I really enjoyed.

What do you notice about the grammar here?

If you say I've really enjoyed, that's present perfect,

that's that feeling of from the past until now.

Maybe it still continues.

Whereas, it was really fun, past simple.

I enjoyed, past simple.

They get a finality bonus.

If you use past simple, you're saying,

our time together, all of this,

that's in the past.

Definitely not going to continue.

And then, how long have you been dating that person?

Maybe you just had one date, two dates,

in a cafe or over drinks.

All you did was talk, maybe.

I've really enjoyed chatting,

or I've really enjoyed chatting with you.

If English isn't your first language,

and you don't know the meaning of hang out,

it means to spend time together, relax, have fun,

or if you're dating, something more.

So yes, if you've been dating and you've, (claps hands)

you know, you can use this one.

Next one.

If you know about their family,

their birthday, their pet name, go with this one.

It's been really fun getting to know you.

Maybe they're a nice person, but just really boring.

If you've been dating for a bit longer,

these might be better.

I really enjoyed our time together.

I really enjoyed being with you.

But just now, no more, boring.

Next we need the reason.

Why don't you want to date this person anymore?

Maybe their face is really boring.

Maybe they don't like the same movies as you.

True story, I stopped dating a girl once

because she didn't laugh once during the movie Elf.

I mean, really, that's the best movie ever,

and you don't find it funny,

I don't see us having a future.

So we have many different options,

and you can choose exactly what you want to say

and how you want to say it.

Let's break this down.

So I don't see, think or feel, we'll start there.

The really is an option.

It adds a little bit more of a nice feeling to it.

I don't really see us having a future sounds a bit nicer

than I don't see us having a future.

That's so much more direct, so much more (pow).

Now, I forgot actually, yeah.

I don't see this going anywhere.

That's fine too.

I don't see the relationship continuing.

If we use the verb think with going anywhere,

we also need is.

I don't really think this is going anywhere,

with the verb see,

I don't really see this going anywhere.

No is, just remember that.

I don't really think we're compatible.

Latin languages, compatible translates nicely.

Non-Latin languages,

compatible for relationships

is like me and you match well together.

We're a good match.

I don't really think we're meant to be a couple.

Again, if you're learning English, meant to be.

You're talking about fate, destiny,

what should happen in the future.

So, if you believe in all that fate and destiny bullshit,

or you think that the other person does,

that's a great expression to use.

I don't really think, I don't really feel,

(chuckles) that's probably better,

I don't really feel that we're meant to be a couple.

Now, if you just returned from your date

or your date was recent,

you might want to say in past tense,

I didn't really feel any connection,

any spark, any chemistry.

For me, this is the most important thing to have,

and also, the most important thing to be honest about.

When you meet someone

and you have a connection, a spark, chemistry.

It means you look like the heart eye emoji

and conversation just flows naturally without effort,

and you can't wait to see them again.

But, of course, sometimes when you're texting,

everything is great,

but when you meet up, it's like.

Sometimes, there is no connection, spark or chemistry.

But be honest about it.

I have sent this message before,

and I've received this message before.

Trust me, it's completely fine.

90% of the time, the response is like this.

Yeah, I didn't feel anything either.

I thought we would, but we didn't.

That's fine.

There's like seven billion people in this world.

You're gonna have chemistry

with at least one of them, trust me.

But of course, maybe the reason is you.

If you're very busy,

you've got a lot going on at the moment.

I've taught in my previous videos

that to have a lot on means that you have a lot of things

that you need to do, you're very busy.

So, if you're very busy,

I've just got a lot going on at the moment,

or I've got a lot on at the moment.

Going in this context is an option.

It means the same thing, with or without that word.

(sighs) I've just got so much going on at the moment.

I've got these books to read,

I've got my Sims family to take care of.

We can't date anymore.

The next one, I'm not ready to date

or I'm not in a place to date.

That's exciting.

Unless you just got divorced or widowed,

that kinda seems like bullshit.

Everyone's ready to date, if it's the right person.

But sure, if you want to use this in your message, fine,

but it might seem like bullshit.

And finally, I can't offer you more than my friendship.

Of course, this gets the friendly bonus.

But also know that you're saying,

nothing more than friends will happen between us.

You, the brother or sister that I never had,

you're in the friend zone.

All these expressions are great.

If you want to say, the problem, it's not you, it's me.

Don't worry, you and I both know it's the other person.

Okay, now what should happen next?

What are the next steps?

It's no one's fault that things didn't work,

but we're British and we like to say sorry for everything,

so I'm really sorry how things turned out.

This is a great phrasal verb.

Turn out often matches with how,

because you're asking about the way something finished.

So, how did your relationship turn out?

How did the date turn out?

It turned out really well.

It turned out really strange.

It finished in this way.

I think we've all said a version

of I'd really love us to be friends.

I know, we didn't mean it.

But, by chance, if you do actually

want to continue being friends, just add that.

I'd really love us to be friends,

if you're okay with it,

because maybe they still have feelings for you,

and it's too difficult to be friends,

but maybe you both agree.

Yeah, there's no connection, spark or chemistry,

but as friends, you're quite compatible and it might work.

So who knows?

Okay, let's end this.

Let's say good bye forever.

Remember I said grammar can change

the meaning and feeling of it?

Well, yeah, we've used past simple here

because we want to finish this,

we don't want to continue it.

So it was really nice, it was lovely meeting you.

You've had one date, two dates, three dates,

maybe you just met.

If it's a bit longer than three dates

or it feels like longer than three dates,

I really enjoyed our time together.

Again, that grammar, that past simple,

adds that finality bonus,

because we're saying whatever we did, whatever we had,

that's now in the past, it's finished.

And of course, they're very nice,

they get the friendly bonus.

You're saying, I loved being with you,

I just don't ever want to do it again.

Of course, more simply, you could just say, bye,

or see ya, see you around.

It's neutral.

And lastly, good luck in the future.

It sounds like what a boss says to someone

when they leave the company.

And to be honest, it might seem sarcastic.

Pfft, good luck without me.

But if you are a genuine person,

and you have been quite friendly,

this might seem genuine, and in that case, it's fine.

Now of course, if you're in a long term relationship,

a text message isn't gonna be enough.

You need to sit down and chat about

why you want to break up.

But here's a couple of reasons that you might need

in order to express why you don't want to be

in a relationship anymore.

When you start to love someone,

you fall in love with someone,

but when that love dies,

you fall out of love with them.

So you might want to explain why

you have fallen out of love with your partner.

I think we've grown apart

or I think we've drifted apart.

Two very good phrasal verbs.

To grow apart from someone,

okay, when you meet someone,

you start a relationship, you know that person.

But over time, your personality changes,

that person's personality changes.

Maybe you become completely different people.

In that situation, you grow apart,

but maybe you live far away from each other

and the communication has got less and less and less.

It's been a week since we spoke,

we've drifted apart.

To drift apart.

Think of two boats in the ocean that just do this.

They drift apart.

So why do you want to break up?

Is it because over time you became different people?

Or is it because over time,

the communication became rubbish?

So now you have a load

of new expressions, idioms and phrasal verbs

that you can use to break up with someone.

I want you to practice this

by breaking up with me in the comments.

You can pretend that we just started dating,

that we've been together for a long time,

it doesn't matter.

Be creative.

Practice what you've just learned.

In the comments, break up with me.

Or, if you actually want to break up with someone

and you really want me to check your breakup message,

let me know in your comment,

and I will do my best to correct it for you,

to make sure it's perfect before you send it.

So thanks for watching.

I've really enjoyed our time together

and getting to know you.

But to be honest, I think that we've grown apart

in these last few minutes

and I'd like to see you again,

but it would just be as friends.

I don't know how you feel about that.

See you in the next class?

(soft electronic music)