An English Lesson about Marriage and a Q&A about Marriage with Bob and Jen

Hi, Bob the Canadian here.

Welcome to this English lesson about marriage.

I'm here today with Jen the Canadian, my wife,

and together, we are going to try and teach you

a few English words and phrases

that you would use when talking about marriage,

and at the same time, we're going to answer some questions

that you submitted to us yesterday

about us and about our marriage.

(chiming music)

Well hey, welcome to this English lesson about marriage.

I want to thank all of you that sent us questions.

We will try to answer as many of them as possible

as we go through this lesson,

and as I answer each question,

and as Jen helps me to answer each question,

we will try to teach you a little bit

of English along the way.

So hey, the first set of questions

that Jen and I are going to try and answer

are questions about how we met

and how long we dated for before we got married.

The first question is from xabi riko35

and the question is, "How, when, and where did you meet?"

Over to you Jen.

- Okay, I met Bob when we were both

at the same university.

He was friends with my sister's boyfriend at the time,

so through my sister and that connection, we met, yeah.

- Yeah, a few times, here and there.

- Yeah. - We met here and there,

and then eventually,

did you ask me out or did I ask you out?

- Well, Bob rode a motorcycle at the time,

and I wanted, I was, I asked you for a ride.

- That's right, that's how it all started.

Question number two from wan c,

"Hi Jen, you are a lucky woman,"

you are a lucky, (Jen laughs)

(laughs) you are a lucky woman,

"how did you know he was your type?"

So, how did you know I was your type?

- Well, I think first I thought you were kinda cute,

you (laughs). (Bob laughs)

He was cute and he was funny, he made me laugh.

He just seemed like a nice guy,

so, I thought, "hey, I'm gonna ask him out for a ride."

- Yeah, yep, I guess, I think I'm still kinda funny

but I try my best. - You still make me laugh.

- I do, yeah. - Yeah.

- In fact, we've been laughing quite a bit,

just trying to get this video started.

(both laugh)

Question number three, Amanda Yap,

"how long were you together

"or dating before getting married?"

So, I'm actually having trouble remembering this,

but I think we dated for about five years?

- No. - How long did we date?

Four years. - Three.

- Three years. (Jen laughs)

We dated for about three years,

see this is how it goes,

when you get older, (laughs) you start to forget things.

Deekshansh Pathak, hi Deekshansh, has the next question.

"What's the one thing that you like the most

"about each other when you first met?

"Is it still the same after years of marriage?

"If not, what is it now?" (Jen laughs)

Do you want me to go first? - Yeah, okay, you go.

- That's a good question. - That's a hard question.

- It's a good question though,

I think. - It's a great question.

- Yeah, so, I would say the same things

that I liked about Jen then, I still like now.

She's very beautiful, (Jen laughs)

she's very intelligent.

I think those were probably two of the things

that I liked the most about her

when I first met her

and then she's a very funny person.

So, she's just fun to be around.

So, I would say, she was beautiful and intelligent

and then as I got to know her,

I found out that she was pretty funny too

and those three things are still pretty important right now.

What about you, Jen?

- Well, I already said what I first liked,

you were funny, - Yes.

- Bob was just a really nice guy.

I just really had a sense

that you were just a really nice guy

and that you would be very kind to me.

We had a lot of fun together,

I thought you were funny too

and Bob was really hardworking,

I like that. - Oh, yeah.

- He was very responsible, you were a bit older than me.

So, maybe, - Yeah.

- I don't know but you still had

these very trustworthy qualities

that I liked. - Oh.

- And I think you still have that.

- Yeah. (both laugh)

Thank you.

So, the next set of questions has to do

with when we got married and our marriage in general.

First question is from Rafael Guadalupe Ortiz Vasquez,

I hope I said your name right.

"Is the word fiancé used for both the man

"and the woman who are just engaged?"

So, I'll answer this one.

So, when Jen and I got engaged, I proposed to Jen.

So, I asked her to marry me

and I gave her an engagement ring, and she said "yes."

That's very, that was nice of you.

(both laugh) And then after that,

you would say that Jen was my fiancée

and Jen would also say that I was her fiancé.

So, it is the same word for both the man and the woman

and you would then say that we were engaged.

So, there was a proposal, I gave Jen an engagement ring,

she became my fiancée, I became her fiancé

and we were then engaged to be married.

Oh! - This is my ring.

- Oh, that is the ring.

You can hold it right up to the camera.

It might focus onto it

but sometimes doesn't actually see it.

- Does that work? - Yeah, I think

it's still focused on your face.

Oh well. - It doesn't fit (laughs).

- Yes. - Anymore.

It used to. - It used to.

Kenny Fong has the next question,

"what things or gifts do guests give the bride

"and groom at a wedding?"

So, on our wedding day,

the day when you get married is called a wedding day.

On our wedding day, people gave us many gifts.

They gave us things to use in the kitchen,

they gave us tools, what else did they give us?

- At that time, it was a lot of just house stuff.

- Yeah, a lot of,

- Tools, like bedsheets, blankets,

- A clock. - A lot of kitchen stuff.

- A few lamps. - Lamps.

- A lot of kitchen stuff, so. - Yeah.

- That is a traditional gift

for a younger couple getting married.

You would give them things that they can use immediately

in their apartment or in their house.

- But don't you think now it's a lot more gift cards?

- Yes. - Money.

- I think people do give a lot more gift cards now.

So, that the couple can go out and buy what they need later.

Next question is from Karla,

"do you remember your honeymoon?"

Do you remember our honeymoon? - I remember our honeymoon.

- Yeah. - It wasn't very long.

- No, I was already working.

So, I was on a break from school,

we got married during a break

and then we went to Chicago.

We went to the City of Chicago,

the weather wasn't great, was it?

- No (laughs). - No, it was very foggy.

It wasn't actually super cold,

it was kind of just miserable would be a good way to,

the honeymoon was great,

we enjoyed hanging out with each other

and going out to restaurants and all that stuff

but the city itself was, yeah, kind of just an,

I just remember it being, - Chicago is a great place.

- It's a great place (laughs) - We just,

went at the wrong time

and maybe not as prepared as we should have been

- Yes. - To really embrace all

that Chicago has. - Yeah.

We'd like to go back someday. - Yeah.

- Next question, Mr. Bauka says,

"I'm 30 now and single,

"at what age did you and Jen get married?

"Also, at what age

"in Canada do people normally get married?"

We got married in our 20s,

so we were both in our 20s when we got married.

But the age in Canada

when people get married is slowly going up.

It's probably late 20s, early 30s now

when people normally get married.

Next question, Mila Polk,

"we usually wear a ring on the right-hand finger

"and when divorced we wear the same ring

"on the left-hand finger.

"Do you have the same tradition?

"How long have you been married?

"We have been married for 46 years."

Oh, congratulations, that is a long time.

We wear a ring on the ring finger on our left hand.

- This would be, - That's where,

- It goes like this, right? - Yes, if it fits.

- I just have to get it resized and I,

once I started having kids, my,

I think my joints expanded

and they don't fit

and I just haven't gotten it, - Yes.

- Redone, but, - Which is okay.

Generally farmers don't wear rings.

Did you know that? - Yeah, I don't think

I would wear this, - Yeah.

- While I'm farming anyways. - 'Cause it gets dirty

and it might get wrecked, those kinds of things.

Let's see here, do you, no we do not have a tradition

where you switch the ring if you are separated or divorced.

We usually, if someone was to be divorced,

they would just go their separate ways.

Sharon has the next question, "hello Bob and Jen,

"this topic caught my interest immediately

"because I'm recently married,

"marrying someone who you love is wonderful

"but somehow I feel a bit of fear

"that I may have lost a part of myself at the same time.

"Can you relate to this kind of feeling?

"If yes, how do you deal with it?

"If not, is there any advice for beginners like me?"

That's a deep question, that's a tough one.

- I, when we got married, you had a job and I didn't

and I think I, I think our hardest years

of being married were the first,

- Yes. - The first one

and there's a couple other in there

but and I think I totally relate to what you say

that I thought I lost a bit,

I left my university, I left my friends,

I didn't have a job, I don't know really who,

what I was gonna do.

Like, I knew I wanted to teach

but it was really, I think a difficult time.

What helped me was I actually ended up getting a job

and then I was just really busy and life got busy.

- That was a good answer. - Was that a good answer?

- Yeah. - I don't have a lot

of advice though. - I think it's good

to be honest.

Well, my advice would relate to what you said

that I think the first year of marriage can be really tough

and I think you need to work hard together

as a couple to get through it.

If there's, I mean, you're learning to live together.

We disagreed on who got to use what drawer

in the bathroom for our stuff.

So, yes, it's always good

to just be patient during those first years.

- Time. - Yes.

- Time gets, with time, right? - Yes.

Next question from abdirahman mohamed

"My question is in Canada,

"who pays the dowry, men or women?"

So, generally in Canada there is no dowry.

What usually happens in Canada is the parents of the bride,

so Jen's parents and the parents of the groom,

who were my parents at the time,

each shared in the cost of the wedding celebration.

Sometimes parents will give their children a gift,

sometimes the parents of the bride

and the parents of the groom

but there's no traditional dowry in most Canadian weddings.

There are still very traditional weddings

in some circles where there might be

but generally it's just a celebration,

both sets of parents try to help pay

for the celebration as much as they can.

So, do you have anything to add to that one?

- No. - Next question,

Vitalii Smirnov, "what is a common age

"to get married in Canada?

"Is it common to marry in a church?

"Do women sometimes ask the man to marry them?"

So common age, I think we late 20s, early 30s,

maybe even mid-30s at this point.

People are definitely older, - But people get married,

all ages, right? - Yeah, yeah.

I think so. - It's just

when you meet the right person, you know?

- Yeah and then, is it common to marry in a church?

Yes, depending on your religion.

Many people do have a church wedding.

- There's a lot more, like even just outdoor weddings and,

- Yes. - Don't you think?

I think that's changing a bit. - Yeah.

And more weddings like at a hotel

or another venue, for sure. - Yeah.

- And do women sometimes ask a man to marry them?

Yes, I think it's probably most common

for a man to ask a woman,

but it does happen the other way, I think.

So, the next questions are about whether we fight or not.

First question is from Mahdi Alshammari.

"Who makes the big important decisions

"and does Jen argue with you sometimes?"

(both laugh)

I think it depends on what the important decision is.

I think, first of all, we do argue.

Jen doesn't just argue with me, I argue with Jen.

We do argue sometimes

but I think over the years we've gotten pretty good

at discussing instead of arguing.

But I think the important decisions, it depends,

if it's a farm decision about the flowers,

Jen makes the decision.

If it's whether we need a new van,

we usually talk about something like that together.

If it's a decision about how to,

I'm just trying to think here, like,

we talk about everything, - We talk it out.

- Pretty much. - Bob like to talk.

- Yeah. (Jen laughs)

So, I don't like making decisions without first seeing,

even if I know what I want to do, we usually do discuss it

and I will try to win Jen over to my side of the argument,

but generally we share the decisions, I would say.

Next question, LASENtemara,

"how do you communicate

"when you have a big disagreement over something?"

Yeah, that's a tricky one.

First of all, we're not perfect.

We are not a perfect couple.

We do argue, we do sometimes disagree on things

and, yes, so, - I think that we have,

like, gotten more mature. - Yes.

- So I think if you had asked us this like

at the beginning of our marriage to now,

I think that things are much more calmer

when we disagree. - Yes.

- I think that, like personally,

I know I've matured a lot

in how I respond to you. - Yeah.

I know early when we disagreed,

I would want to resolve everything quickly

but Jen likes to have a lot of time to think about things.

And then, usually, now when we disagree,

I know that Jen likes some time to think about things

and she usually then is just way more able

to discuss things.

Okay, next section, kids (laughs).

First question is from azot azotov.

"Which of you decided to have so many children?"

(Jen laughs)

That's a good question, 'cause,

- I think we both always wanted four.

- Yes and then we ended up with five.

- And then we had one more (laughs).

- Yeah. - I love babies.

- Yes. - So, it's,

I think I was quite happy having more babies.

- Yeah. - Like,

- I think we both knew we were having more than three or four kids

because we both grew up in families

where you know, I have two brothers and two sisters,

Jen has a family that's a little bit bigger

than that actually

and that was normal for us,

just to have brothers and sisters around.

So, for us the idea of family was, you know, mom, dad,

I was gonna say mom, dad.

Mom, dad and a few kids, maybe four or five.

So, we had four, things were going well,

so, we had one more. (Jen laughs)

Next question is from Julia,

"do all your children have the same character traits?"

- No (laughs). - No (laughs).

They are all very different.

They share some character traits, for sure.

- Yeah. - But no,

they definitely don't have the same character traits.

- You want to sit down? - Siyoon M. says,

"is it a good thing to have a lot of kids around?

"Does it make it a little noisy?"

Yeah, sometimes it's noisy. (Jen laughs)

I, (laughs)-- - It's noisy a lot.

- I like it quiet but whenever the kids are loud,

either I, well usually I'm annoyed if they're loud,

if I'm trying to get some work done

but then I try to remind myself

that someday I'll be old and the house will be empty.

So, then I don't mind the noise as much.

Next section, Jen, housework, chores and jobs.

This is from Boris Ray, "who cooks the most?

"Who does the housework?

"I guess Bob is a good man,

"so he doesn't let Jen do all the housework."

(Jen laughs) - (laughs) So that's,

- How do they know that? - I don't know,

this is a, this is, (Jen laughs)

a tricky one because, - It depends.

I think it depends, - Yeah.

- What season we're in. - Yeah.

- So, especially like August and September, for sure

but even more anywhere from May to September,

you do more cooking, I would say.

- When you're busy with the flowers,

so the flower season's from April till October,

then I do more, I do more of the cooking for sure

and then when we get to, you know,

the October till about March or April,

then we kinda switch roles.

We both, like when the kids need to go somewhere,

we both drive them if they need to go somewhere.

Jen cleans the house more than me, but we do share that.

- And I, you don't do laundry. - I don't do laundry, no.

I can do laundry but I don't do laundry.

- He just doesn't do it. - Yeah.

- Which is fine. - I--

- Actually and our kids are old enough that they,

- Yes. - It's like a family,

- Yeah. - We all have jobs.

- We all do dishes after supper.

Although, sometimes I sneak out to finish editing a video.

- You're just busy, Bob's busy, so.

- Yeah. - He, we had more people

that can do the work.

Bob just does less right now

'cause he's trying to teach as well as do a YouTube channel.

- Yeah. - That's a lot of time.

So, that's fine. - Thanks, by the way.

(Jen laughs) It's very helpful, so.

(both laugh)

Okay, next section is on work and hobbies.

Question is from Yoli Trejo,

"what does Jen do for a living?"

- Well, I flower farm right now

and I'm a stay-at-home mom,

like for part of the year.

I used to teach

and then we just had some children

and it was just easier if one us was home

and plus, I really loved farming already.

- Yeah. - So, I continue,

I just every year make my farm a little bit bigger.

- And Helen says, "were there any things, activities, plans

"or dreams that you had to give up after getting married?

"Did you ever regret it?

"I remember Bob said once

"that Jen you were a teacher too,

"also I would like to ask Jen to participate

"in one more video to talk about

"and to show us all her beautiful flowers."

- I'll do that in August. - Yeah,

we'll do that in August, that's a good idea.

- I used to teach and I still miss it

but when my flower season isn't busy,

I can substitute teach.

So, when a teacher calls in sick, I go in

and I love that

and then I still coach, I love coaching volleyball.

- Yeah. - And playing volleyball.

(Jen laughs) - The next section is

on celebrations and anniversaries.

Yafei Wang says,

"do you celebrate your anniversary every year

"and who is responsible for planning the activity?"

We don't do anything crazy or amazing.

- No. - We do try to go away

without the kids.

Not for our anniversary necessarily,

but we do try to go to Niagara Falls

or somewhere else.

We didn't go this year because of COVID-19.

We do try to go on a date if it's our anniversary,

even if it's just a simple go out quick for supper

but we don't do anything spectacular for that.

- No, I think our favorite is dinner

and walking around the mall. - Yeah.

- I love, I don't know what,

not really shopping, but I like,

- Yeah. - Walking around

and looking at stuff. - Yeah.

Next question from Connie,

"where is the most unforgettable place

"you have ever been to with Jen?"

Oh, I guess that's for me, isn't it?

(Jen laughs) I would say,

so Jen's, Jen had family that lived in British Columbia

for a while and we would go out to visit

and British Columbia is a province in Western Canada.

It has mountains, it has, it's right on the Pacific Ocean,

beautiful cities, so I really liked going there.

We went about two or three times when we were a lot younger.

I got to go skiing in the middle of the summer once

because there was snow up on the mountains.

So that's, that would be my answer.

Next question from Keive Lau,

"have you ever not bought any gifts for Jen

"for some important date like her birthday or anniversary?"

Jen and I don't actually give each other gifts,

so, I don't know.

Is that? - I actually,

I find it really hard to find a good gift for Bob.

So, I'm quite happy if he doesn't give me one

'cause then I feel like I don't need to give him one

and then the stress level is, - Yeah.

- There's just no stress about it.

So-- - The kids do give us gifts

but we don't generally give - Yeah.

- Each other gifts. - Yeah.

- Maybe we should do that more,

maybe I should give you gifts sometime.

So the next questions are about the secret

to a long marriage (laughs).

And by the way, we don't know the secret

but we'll give you our advice as best as we can.

Mustafa Bayrak asks, "What makes a good spouse?"

assia touati says, "what's the secret

"to keep the relationship successful?"

Stella Park, "I want to ask you about the best way

"to maintain a good relationship with your wife.

"I have been married for five years,

"sometimes I argue with my husband

"because of the trivial things.

"Please share your tips to keep a happy marriage."

And Daniel Camargo, "hi Bob, what advice would you

"and Jen give a newly married couple?"

Whoo, those are some big questions.

We answered some of these a little bit, earlier on.

- I think that, especially the last few years,

when you've been sick and I think I learned that I need to,

(dog barks) put Bob first.

Like, if I take care of Bob,

I think our marriage is happier

and I think it kind of goes back then,

if I'm taking care of him,

he feels like he's able to take care of me and it,

and so instead of thinking of myself first

and what I'm not getting, or what I'm frustrated with,

I think that I think "well, what would make Bob's day better?

"How can I help him?" - Yeah.

- And for me, for me, that has really helped,

I feel like our relationship is

if I am mature enough to do that.

I don't think when I was in my 20s

I was always mature enough to get to look past myself.

- Yeah. - And think

about what you need.

- I would agree because I think the fact

that you farm and that happens in the summer

and I teach through the fall and winter and spring,

that kind of moved us into this nice rhythm

where you take care of me and then I take care of you

and I think that's been very helpful for us

to have to think about the other person a lot.

I don't think there is a big secret.

I don't think Jen and I are always happy,

we are happy a lot,

but we are not always happy. - Not always happy.

I do think if you're looking for one secret though,

I would say it is what Jen said,

putting the other person first

and then just valuing the marriage.

Like, just making this commitment

that you value being together

and you want to be together

and sometimes, I always put it this way.

I just think about what it's gonna be like when I'm old.

And when I'm old, I really want to be with Jen.

So, if we're having a bad moment,

I sometimes think, "okay, I need to find a way

"to get through this bad moment

"because when I'm 70, I really want to be with Jen."

So, and yeah the fact that I was, I guess sick,

I had heart surgery a couple years ago

and I'm a lot better now, by the way,

I'm 95% better (laughs).

That really made Jen and I reflect

and think a lot about what we meant to each other.

So, next question from Rúben Nunes, this is about hobbies,

we're switching to another section now.

"What hobbies do you both have in common?

"How have you brought up your children?

"I mean, are there many rules?

"How strict are you?"

We're pretty strict, I think.

There's definitely, - You think so?

- I don't know, we, there's definitely rules, okay?

There's bedtimes, there's supper time,

there's kids have to be at the table.

They're not allowed to have their phones

at the table when we have supper.

They have to do their homework.

- They have to help out in the house.

- They have to do chores in the house, yeah.

And then there was another part of the question here,

we both read.

I think that's one hobby we share.

We both read and we both like to,

Jen and I both exercise.

I walk primarily, Jen walks and does workout.

So, we do like to stay healthy,

which is kind of a hobby.

Yipin Bear, "how do you keep a sense of freshness

"between each other since you have been married

"for such a long time?

"What do you think is the most effective way

"to maintain a good marriage?"

I don't know, I just, (Jen laughs)

in some ways, the, it's 'cause we're just,

we're already a boring old couple.

We just really like hanging out together,

so we're not always looking for ways to make things fresh.

- I think we are both quite comfortable doing nothing.

- Yes. - Like, we live

in the middle of nowhere kind of.

And we're very happy not doing a lot of stuff.

- Yes. - Though I think

it's important to,

I don't know what the rule,

so there's different rules,

like once a month, or once every other month,

go out on a, like a date. - A date together, yeah.

- I think that's really fun.

And even if it's just, we're go out.. somewhere

in another town and go for a walk

and out for supper or ice cream and,

- Yeah. - But, I like that.

- Yeah I do too. (both laugh)

Last question about later in life,

Learn American English with this Guy, hi Brent,

thanks for the question.

"One day all of the children will be out of the house,"

so that's called an empty nest in English, by the way,

"how do you and Jen envision your lives

"in that phase of marriage?"

We love our children. - I love my kids.

- We love that they're growing up

and we do some days look forward to them moving out,

most days we are just super happy they're here

but life does change.

So, I think we'll just visit our kids a lot.

We might travel a little more.

We have not traveled a lot.

How do you see things changing?

- I think I will, I know I put my thumbs up

but I will miss my kids.

I love the stage we're at right now.

- Yeah. - I love,

I love having them around the supper table,

I love the noise in the house

and the constant, there's always someone around.

So, I hope that they don't live too far away.

I think that we will, as much as they want us,

we'll visit them or have them over

and then I think we'll do, I'm not a huge traveler,

but I do think there's some places

that we have never been able to go to

that we would like to go to

and then I think we'll still farm.

- Yeah, definitely. - I think it's healthy

to farm. - Yeah, we don't plan

necessarily to retire.

We would like to stay healthy.

I would like to do YouTube for a very long time

and Jen would like to grow flowers for a very long time.

So, we will probably semi-retire someday

but not anytime soon. - No.

- Well, hey, I'm just gonna wrap this up.

Thank you so much for watching this video,

it was a little longer than expected.

I'm not sure if you've made it all the way to the end here,

thank you Jen, for being

on the video with me. - You're welcome.

- I'm Bob the Canadian,

this was less of an English lesson

and more of a time to just hang out with Jen and I,

so thank you, thanks for all your questions.

Again, I do apologize that we only were able

to answer a few.

Imagine how long the video would be

if we had answered 200 questions,

it would have been hours long.

So, hopefully this was a benefit to you

and thanks again for watching.

So, bye. - Bye!