American Culture: Are Americans Rude?

Hi everyone. I'm Jennifer from English with  Jennifer. I don't travel much these days, but I've  

been abroad. There were a couple of times when I  was embarrassed by the behavior of other Americans  

in a foreign country. I remember one time in  Moscow there was a group of American tourists  

ready to go to the ballet. I wasn't with them,  and I was happy not to be associated with them  

for two reasons. First, they were loud. They were  speaking in English just a bit too loudly. Second,  

not all of them were dressed nicely in a  way that I thought was appropriate for the  

theater. In my mind, attending live theater  events is different from going to the movies.  

I may go to the movies in jeans and sneakers,  but when I go to the ballet or musical,  

I dress up. Please don't assume that Americans are  rude or that we intend to cause offense. I'd like  

to tell you eight things that may make Americans  look rude, but our hearts are in the right place.

Americans dress casually, sometimes maybe too  casually. I don't think it's classy to go to  

the theater in jeans and sneakers, but here in  the States no one is going to stop you or say  

anything. Personally, I don't go grocery  shopping in pajama bottoms and slippers,  

but others do. This isn't about trying to shock  people with our casual clothing. It's a matter of  

feeling comfortable. Americans value comfort  and convenience. Americans don't expect a long,  

truthful answer to the question,  "How are you?" We usually ask,  

"How are you?" not because we're genuinely  interested, but because it's social etiquette.  

The question is part of how we greet each other.  It's meant to be a quick exchange of words.  

Americans don't usually expect an in-depth answer  to "How are you?" or any of its variations:  

How are you doing? How's it  going? How have you been?  

Typical responses to "How are you?"  are light, short, and positive:  

Good. Great. Couldn't be better. Not  bad. And then we tag on, "And you?"  

Again, we're not going to  wait around for a long answer.  

At the checkout line in the grocery store, this  two-way exchange can be over in three seconds.  

With close friends on a bad day, we may skip  the white lies and stick closer to the truth.  

If a friend asks, "How are you?" I could say,  "Uh, could be better. It feels like a Monday."  

Also, in a casual setting, we might speak frankly  with someone in customer service, but then it's  

with humor. If they ask, "How are you?" I could  say, "Uh, honestly, I wish I'd stayed in bed."  

The cashier, the server, the store assistant may  laugh and reply, "Me too." Americans don't always  

say "please." When we make requests, we often ask  questions and our voice rises so that we sound  

less demanding. Can you help me? Would you mind  moving over? Could I have a tuna fish sandwich?

We may not consistently use "please" in  such requests. To our ears, the question  

is already polite. We're not ordering  someone to do something; we're asking.

Americans value and protect their personal  space. If you step in to speak to an American,  

they may take a step back. We may stand closer to  friends and family, but in general, we don't get  

in each other's space. With Americans, you want  to stand just a bit more than an arm's length away  

from the person you're speaking to. This goes  for sitting too in a public space. Imagine a  

long bench. I'm sitting on one end. There's no  one else. You can sit on the other end, but not  

directly next to me. That's too close. I'll feel  uncomfortable and probably get up and leave.

Only in a crowded setting or where few seats  are available do we sit close to a stranger.  

The other day, T was waiting for my car, and  there was one bench designed for two people.  

Another woman was already  sitting there. Before I sat down,  

I asked if it was okay, "Would you  mind if I shared the bench with you?"  

And also in the age of COVID, I tagged on that I  was vaccinated and boosted. She readily agreed.  

Among friends, it's acceptable to ask for separate  checks at a restaurant or to split the bill.  

It may not necessarily be an even split,  as in 50/50. Usually I pay for my food  

and you pay for yours. In American culture, you  can offer to treat a friend to lunch or to dinner  

on a special occasion, but even then,  your friend may offer to pay the tip.

Asking for separate checks or splitting  the bill isn't done because we're cheap or  

that we don't want to be generous. It's  more about our concept of what's fair.

Americans usually make eye contact when we speak.  Even when two people are not equal in status,  

maintaining eye contact is considered respectful.  

If we're not looking at someone when they  speak to us or when we're speaking to them,  

we can come across as bored, distracted,  nervous, or even dishonest, so don't think  

that a direct look in your eyes is a challenge.  For Americans, eye contact is a positive thing.

Americans may show up fashionably late to  a party. Of course, for appointments like a  

job interview or a visit to the doctor, we know  that punctuality is important. In those cases,  

it's not even a matter of showing up on time.  You probably want to get there a little early.  

But in some social situations, there really  isn't a set time that you have to arrive.  

If you're invited to a large dinner party in the  U.S., don't show up early. Your host may not be  

ready for guests. You can show up five to ten  minutes late. That's okay. That's fashionably  

late. Don't show up 15 or 20 minutes late or even  30. That can be rude. Your host has planned to  

serve dinner by a certain time. Truthfully, not  every American shares the same understanding of  

"fashionably late," but we generally agree  that being early or very late isn't good.  

I suggest arriving 5 to 10 minutes past the  hour. Others may say up to 15 minutes is okay.  

For a smaller party, I wouldn't arrive later  than 15 minutes, not without a sincere apology.  

So, if you invite an American to dinner, the  American might arrive a little after seven.  

Please know this is common and acceptable  in our culture. Of course, we know if we're  

really running behind, we should call or  text -- or at least most of us know this.  

Americans like to personalize their possessions.  

We like to label things, and sometimes it's just  practical. For example, at the office, if a lot  

of people bring their lunch and keep it in the  same refrigerator, I don't want someone to take  

my bag or my drink by mistake, so I write my name  on things. We label to make it clear: that's mine.  

I write my children's initials on their water  bottles for school for the same reason -- so that  

the bottles don't get mixed up. But seeing our  name on things can give us pride and pleasure.  

I got this mug as a gift many years ago. I like it  because it has my name on it and it looks pretty.  

Personalized items make us feel special, but  I admit Americans can go overboard with this  

practice. We have personalized mugs, key chains,  backpacks, bathrobes, towels, you name it. Well,  

with bathrobes and towels, it's more common to  use your monogram rather than your first name. A  

monogram is made up of three letters. It uses the  first letter of your first, middle, and last name.

Some Americans put a short form of their name,  their nickname, on the license plate of their car,  

like "JENN1." This is called a vanity  plate, which, by the way, I don't have.  

Honestly, though, I don't think that personalizing  things is about showing off our possessions. It's  

more about the idea of the individual and  what's designated for one person's use.  

It's about respecting personal space  and property. And for the record, I  

don't have a monogrammed towel. In my house,  everyone has a towel of a different color.  

Take a quiz. Let's see what you remember.  Answer the questions and keep in mind these  

are generalizations. There are naturally many  individual preferences that are independent  

of culture. 1. What might an American wear  to the grocery store to feel comfortable?

2. Which is a more typical  response to "How are you?"

3. What might be a more common way  to order at an American restaurant?

4. How close do most Americans usually  stand when having a conversation?

5. How do American friends often  pay the bill at a restaurant?

6. How is eye contact generally  considered by Americans?

7. What does "fashionably late"  mean for an American dinner party?

8. What do Americans tend to  personalize by adding their name?

So, do Americans seem strange to you? I hope  not or at least I hope you understand that  

our actions aren't meant to be rude. Cultural  differences make the world an interesting place,  

and if we take the time to understand various  practices, we can gain a new perspective. That's  

a healthy thing, right? Feel free to share your  thoughts in the comments. For my Patreon members,  

we can discuss this topic in depth at our  monthly one-on-one Zoom call. Please like and  

share this video if you found the lesson useful.  As always, thanks for watching and happy studies!  

I'd like to say a special thank  you to Selam, Tim, and Ruslan,  

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