7 'polite' British insult idioms | Politely call someone a total idiot! (+ Free PDF & Quiz)

hello and welcome back to english with

Lucy today I'm going to talk to you

about seven idioms that you can use to

politely tell somebody that they are an

idiot so in simple terms idioms for

describing stupidity we brits like to

beat around the bush to avoid talking

about something unpleasant or

uncomfortable many of us live in

constant fear of offending people

however that does not mean that we won't

throw in and under-the-table insult

disguised as a seemingly harmless

idiomatic phrase when we think that

you're being a total buffoon so today

I'm going to teach you seven ways to

tell someone that they are a total idiot

without seeming too offensive quickly

before we get started this video is

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listening your reading and your writing

it's going to help everything but if

you're really really keen on improving

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readers right let's get on with this

stupid lesson number one he's not the

sharpest tool in the shed if somebody is

not the sharpest tool in the shed

they're a little bit stupid they're not

the cleverest person it could have been

said about me actually when I was

invited on a YouTube trip to Berlin the

other day we're in a lovely posh hotel

and I noticed that my hairdryer wasn't

working so I called up room service and

I said they immediately came up and gave

me a new one I plugged the new one in

that one wasn't working either so I

called up room service

working and I am really really socking

wet so they brought up a third one and

at that point they realized that I

hadn't put the key card in the door so

none of the electricity was working

including the light at night I'm not the

sharpest tool in the shed

number two she's one sandwich short of a

picnic

this means that somebody is not quite of

full intelligence it could have been

used to describe me actually when I

invited a plumber over to fit in a

dishwasher he texted me beforehand to

ask for some photos and he asked me if

there was a trap under my sink so it

opened the sink and I look inside and to

my amazement there is a mousetrap with a

lovely bright logo saying the words the

big cheese on it and I remember thinking

to myself how did he know that but

anyway I thought whatever took a picture

sent it to the plumber and he just came

back with like a million lock on paper

and he said no Lucy the trap that I'm

asking about is a type of pipe a water

pipe can I have a picture of that please

so yes I can sometimes be one sandwich

short of a picnic also I think in

America they might say one french fry

short of a happy meal or one fry short

of a happy meal

that's mcdonald's reference if there are

any Americans watching this please

comment down below and confirm that to

me number three means almost exactly the

same as the previous one it is to not be

a full ticket if somebody isn't a full

ticket it means they're not clinically

sane so be careful when using it make

sure that you don't offend anyone it

could have been used to describe me

actually I think my mother thought that

I wasn't the full ticket I'm one holiday

at my grandparents holiday home in

Portugal I walked through the mosquito

nets on the door no less than three

times and they had to put up special

stickers for me which remain there to

this day so there are special stickers

for Lucy because she's not clever enough

to just use a mosquito net properly so

yes not the full ticket number four

there's not much between the ears and if

you say that there's not much between

the ears

that somebody hasn't got much of a brain

this could have been said about me

actually when I was forced to go to a

week-long violin camp violin camp on day

two I couldn't go on any longer I had to

leave so I devised a plan I would gently

maim or injure myself but how would I do

it ah the bathroom door was particularly

aggressive swinging both ways at a 180

degree angle

I planned to gently catch my finger in

that door exaggerate the pain so I was

no longer able to play my violin and

therefore be sent home as I got my

finger ready near the door somebody else

needed the loo and they came through and

they injured my finger so badly that I

had to go to hospital and to this day I

have a messed up fingernail but like

break it's just not right so yes not

much in between the ears number 5 the

light is on but nobody's home

this means they look normal but really

they're very stupid this could have been

said about me actually when aged 9 and

showing off in front of a group of

younger children jumped off the top of a

wooden castle in a playground got the

back of my jumper stuck on one of the

spikes and was left there dangling until

one of those annoying little children

ran to call my dad it was so

embarrassing and so stupid the lights

are on but nobody's home number 6 it's a

saying someone's village is missing

their idiot and this one comes from the

term the village idiot which is used to

describe someone known locally for their

stupidity

canapé used to describe me actually two

days after passing my driving test I

went into a nearby city to buy my

beloved new shiny orange Mini Cooper and

when I drove out of the dealership for

the very first time after just 100

metres I stalled at around about put the

gearstick

into reverse and shut back at full force

into the car behind me obliterating his

license plate it was dreadful the police

came I had to be escorted away but

luckily my mother was two cars behind me

because oh my god if she had been in

that car behind me there would have been

trouble so yes on that day the village

was missing their idiot the idiot being

me number seven the last idiom to

describe a stupidity is as thick as a

plank and if you are as thick as a plank

you're really stupid it could've been

used to describe me actually when on the

school bus

aged about 12 to 13 I found a mobile

phone and I open the mobile phone and I

found some very inappropriate images of

the owner of the phone images and videos

shall we say it was a man I've never

seen anything like that before

so I did what any school girl would do

and I took the videos and I sent them

directly from the phone to my best

friend Felicity it was a hilarious joke

I went into school and I acted like I

knew nothing to felicitate she was

really scared brilliant I thought my

cheeky prank has worked she then told me

that she'd gone to the headmistress of

the school and the school had called the

police and they were on their way in to

interview everyone I knew what I had to

do I ran in my little tartan kilt to the

headmistress and said no it was me I

then had to spend the rest of the day

with the police explaining what I'd done

why I'd done it and having them

explained to me why it was so awful all

the while I was begging them not to tell

my parents and in the end they didn't

which I really appreciated and I

actually told my parents about it on my

21st birthday dinner that yeah I thought

it was gonna be hilarious but the police

just didn't have any sort of sense of

humor right that's it for today's lesson

I hope you enjoyed it I hope you learned

something please if you now doubt my

intelligence you can unsubscribe but you

really are welcome to I would

and I invite you to comment below with

any embarrassing situations that have

happened to you or any other idioms that

you know of that means stupid in English

you can also let me know about idioms in

your own language and translate them

into English because some of them are so

funny I mean a sandwich short of a

picnic that is that particularly tickles

me don't forget to check out audible.com

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and I will see you soon for another

Essen yeah today it is very hot very

very hot I'm dying oh my god are in a

lovely posh hotel and I called up Aroon

sir rune why am i saying rune runescape

are in a lovely posh hotel and I called

up runescape no okay no special stickers

for Lucy because she say hello to the

English Lucy

you