How To Deal With Conflict & Negotiate In English | ADVANCED ENGLISH LESSON #spon

negotiating and dealing with conflict can be incredibly difficult especially

if you're not talking in your native language so today's lesson is focused on

giving you some of the key phrases and vocabulary that you'll need in these

circumstances I want to say a huge thank you to the providers of today's lesson

lingoda - so this lesson is the lesson you would normally encounter on Lingoda's

site now we're not going to work through the whole lesson because lingoda

does lessons last for an hour and we don't have that much time

plus Lingoda's lessons involve interaction between the students and the

teacher and we can't really do that on this video. Firstly I need to make good

on a promise, you remember the promise I made to all of you a few months ago when

they announced the lingoda language marathon you remember the language

marathon right you take a class every day for three months between January and

March and if you attend every single class for those three months and raise

your language level then you get all your money back do you remember that one

and the whole point was to try to get you into the habit of learning and to

help you to achieve your personal goals like your New Year's resolutions to

become much better in English and my promise was that anyone entering the

marathon would then have a chance to be featured on this channel with me and

lots of you who entered the marathon did get in touch with me and say you would

like to be featured and it turns out that quite a lot of you live here in the

UK and in fact a cup of you actually live in the same city as me so I invited

one very lucky winner over for a cup of tea this is Stephanie hi Stephanie hi

thank you so much for being here Stephanie how long have you been

watching English like a native mmm about six months six months fantastic and

luckily you're living here in London and so what is it that brought you

to London and I moved here because I got a new job in marketing company why then

if you're in England and you're practicing English why do you need to do

something like the lingoda marathon? I learned English in school for nine years

and I think my English is okay it's very good thank you but in in

business meetings I felt not so confident so you want to improve your

business English to take your career forward now you're living in London

there's lots of courses you can do in central London lots of schools available

did you consider any of those and it's it's really hard because in a marketing

company this it's a very busy schedule yes and I didn't I wasn't able to commit

to a certain time every week i choosing to do a normal course in school so you

need something flexible yes lingoda

but if you're really really busy and did you not find that perhaps the marathon

might be a bit much you know it's a class every day yes it is it is a lot of

work but it's it's great because with the marathon and you I have to do it

every day so it really it motivates you to really do it every day yes really go

for it yeah okay great so so far you've already done a month and may I ask how

you feel you're progressing yes it's it's going great and I feel like I've

really improved my vocabulary and I feel more confident already I've I've had a

meeting last week which was a difficult meeting I had a difficult client but

I felt much stronger with my expressing my

my thoughts yeah fantastic so just for those viewers at home if you can tell us

what you believe are the benefits of being part of the lingoda language

marathon the flexibility of the lingoda language marathon is great as I

mentioned before then also the native teachers it's great if you always say

it's easier to learn with a native teacher and it's the the lessons are

really structured which is super helpful and which I think has has helped me

improve a lot and yes because it really keeps the motivation going because you

have to do it every day and you set your goal and then you hopefully level up at

the end so it's great to keep the motivation going thank you so much

Stephanie it's actually the first time in all the time I've been running this

channel but I've actually got to meet one of my viewers face to face and that

was really exciting for me and it was great to hear your story good luck for

the next two months and if hearing Stephanie's story has

inspired you then just click on the link down below to check out lingoda for

yourself and if you decide to take lessons then be sure to use this code

this will get you a very special discount

okay it's time to start negotiating and dealing with conflict are any of these

phrases familiar I'm very sorry that you're put out but I'm sure we can come

to an arrangement when I put myself in your shoes I can see you have every

right to be angry let's try to figure this out let's just go through a few

parts of that paragraph it's the first thing I said was I'm very sorry that

you're put out put out is a phrasal verb to be put out is to be disappointed or

upset I always imagine it's like being a candle and you're flickering and bright

and happy and energetic and then someone puts you out and suddenly you lose your

shine you lose your happiness you feel deflated and dark and miserable you're

put out so I'm very sorry that you're put out but I'm sure we can come to an

arrangement to come to an arrangement is to have an agreement some sort of plan

that you are both happy with when I put myself in your shoes I can see you have

every right to be angry the phrase to put myself in your shoes means I'm

seeing it from your point of view I can understand why you feel that way when I

put myself in your shoes I can see you have every right to be angry let's try

to figure this out similar to let's come to an arrangement

figuring something out in this context means that you're going to work out a

way that you can cooperate for a mutually beneficial outcome so that

you're both happy in what scenarios would we use these types of phrases well

in pretty much any scenario where you're having a disagreement with someone for

example at home you might have a disagreement with your teenaged

daughter because she comes in she makes a terrible mess everywhere she goes and

she doesn't clean up after herself perhaps your husband has promised that

he would do the washing up if you do all the cooking and you do all the cooking

but he doesn't do the washing up but it's not just in the home conflict can

also arise at work perhaps you feel you deserve a pay rise and everyone else has

a pay rise but you didn't get one why or perhaps you work in the customer service

department and you constantly have to deal with

angry customers then again maybe you're going on holiday and you're

having a disagreement with someone at the airport because you've just arrived

on the holiday of a lifetime but the airliner has lost your luggage and on

the way home your flight is delayed by 19 hours and of course conflict can

arise in a store or with a service provider if you buy something and it's

not what you expected or it's not what they promised so in

dealing with conflicts of any kind the most effective thing to do is to

negotiate to have a negotiation negotiation is when people or groups of

people discuss something the aim of the discussion is to come to an agreement

even if the involved parties have opposing views for example the

negotiation took several days but now both workers and their employers are

happy with the new pay rate now if this word or any of the words we're about to

cover are new for you then do try to practice them this will help to put it

into your long-term memory by writing a sentence including that word down in the

comments box below and when I get a chance I'll have a read and if it needs

correcting I'll do that for you and if it's just fabulous then I will give you

so love negotiations often involve compromise compromise is when one or

both parties involved in a negotiation agree to change their minds somewhat or

alter their terms in order to find a resolution to a conflict for example I'm

willing to compromise and work overtime this month since I understand that it's

an exceptionally busy period for the company Dan and Sue have come to a

compromise they won't buy a house in the heart of the city or in the countryside

but instead they're looking for somewhere in the suburbs so Dan wants to

live in the city Sue wants to live in the country and that is a conflict and

in order to make both parties relatively happy they decide to move somewhere in

the middle in the suburbs it helps when you're negotiating to see things from

another person's perspective perspective your perspective is how you see things

your point of view here's an example sentence it would help if you could see

things from her perspective see things from another person's perspective might

help when you're trying to convince them of something to convince to convince

someone is to make someone believe that what you're saying is right or true

here's the example sentence they are trying hard to convince him but he's

still not keen on the idea so if he's not convinced then what they will have

to do is to persuade him to persuade someone means to get someone to agree to

do something by giving them lots of reasons why they should by arguing your

case they might not be completely convinced but you have persuaded them to

give it a go here's an example sentence don't let them persuade you to work on

Saturday you're not obliged to if you can't persuade or convince someone to

see things from your perspective then you might not be able to resolve the

situation resolve to resolve something is to fix

it to come to an understanding an agreement here's an example sentence if

Mary and Sam can't resolve their differences it might be the end of their

relationship so Mary and Sam are going to have to cooperate in order to resolve

their differences they have to cooperate to cooperate means to work together

here's an example you both play an essential role in the project so you

need to find a way to cooperate and if you're trying to cooperate then you may

need to come up with alternative solutions to the problem alternative an

alternative is basically something similar but different

for example I promised you a piece of fruit but you don't like bananas so as

an alternative I'm offering you a tangerine this is still a piece of fruit

but it's different to a banana it's an alternative so there we have negotiation

compromise perspective convince persuade resolve cooperate and alternative

alright great vocabulary thank you lingo de let's have a look now at some useful

phrases if the person you're talking to is pretty angry then the first thing to

do is to let them know that you understand why they're angry you get it

you understand it you could use these phrases I understand your point of view

I can see where you're coming from I'd like to clear up any confusion I

appreciate your honesty you've got a right to be angry I understand what

you're saying but try to put yourself in her shoes

and those phrases are a great way to try and calm the situation initially however

they don't always help you to progress the negotiations for you to put your

point across so let's pick a mix some phrases that will help to show you

understand how they're feeling but then to progress with the negotiation so you

could start with any of the phrases from this column I hear what you're saying

it's unfortunate things have gotten so heated ah if things are heated it means

that they are emotional someone's become angry perhaps they're shouting or crying

or just really angry maybe steam is coming out of their ears I understand

your point of view and I respect it I recognise I was at fault and I apologise

I appreciate your apology but and then choose a phrase from the second column

but I'd like you to try to understand it from my point of view I think it would

be best if we could try to resolve our differences but I think both sides need

to compromise to reach an agreement I would like to try to work together to

find a solution it's not enough we still have to find a way to resolve the

situation now let's look at an argument thirst isn't successful they don't use

any of the words or phrases that we've discussed and it all goes downhill

pretty quickly ah good morning mr. Hughes is that the best you can manage

I expect an apology you were supposed to be here at 10:00 a.m. it's already half

past 11:00 Mr. Hughes I'm very sorry but apologising isn't good enough I don't

care what your Excuse is I'm fed up listening to excuses from people who

cannot stick to their promises Mr. Hughes can you please listen to.... you want

me to listen to you the cheek of it the nerve

and I'm the one who's been waiting here all this time Mr. Hughes

I have the email that you wrote here look it was you who asked me to come at

11:30 a.m. and now you're standing there shouting abuse at me well I've had

enough find someone else to fit your kitchen

I don't need your business Oh dear, that didn't go very well did it? and that's

because they didn't follow the key rules to conflict management and negotiation

what are those key rules I hear you ask well they are stay calm at all times

getting heated emotional upset and shouting just doesn't help anyone so try

to remain calm listen to the other person in the example that you just saw

mr. Hughes did not listen if he hadn't listened then he wouldn't have

embarrassed himself and lost one of his workers so always give the other person

a chance listen to their grievances and then you might be able to come to some

sort of arrangement acknowledge their point of view we all feel better when

people understand us so let the other people know that you've listened and

that you understand why they feel that way and where they're coming from

explain your demands clearly give reasons why they are justified let the

other person know exactly what you want and why you want it why it's necessary

once they understand that properly then it might make things a little bit easier

so now you have some vocabulary phrases and the key rules to conflict management

and negotiation as I said earlier I've only taken a snippet from the lingoda

lesson notes but thank you lingoda for sharing those with us and if you are

interested in checking out more of what lingoda has to offer then don't forget

to use the link below the code to get that a very special

discount thanks once again to the marathon runner Stephanie it was

fantastic to meet you and all that's left to say is take care try not to get

into too many conflicts and goodbyes